THE ED MYLETT SHOW - How To Laugh More w/ Tom Papa

Episode Date: September 5, 2023

🔥 WARNING: This episode might cause EXCESSIVE happiness🔥Ever felt the world is just too SERIOUS? Meet TOM PAPA, the MASTERMIND who'll change that! Being the KING of COMEDY for three decades, he���s rocked the worlds of film, radio, TV, and even podcasting.But he’s not just another comedian – Tom sees the WORLD like few others can. And this week, he’s joining us for the MUCH NEEDED lessons on how to SMILE MORE.Dive in with us as we uncover:How comedy is connected with life's big questions.Why feeling ALONE is just an illusion.The twisty roads of SOCIAL MEDIA and politics.How to ditch the gloom and LAUGH more!The tightrope walk between CONFIDENCE, EGO, and HUMILITY.Get ready for a REFRESHING take on life with Tom Papa’s unique insights into who we are and how each of us is connected in our big and beautiful world.

This is The Edmila Show. Welcome back to the show, everybody. The gentleman sitting across from me, I think, is one of the most talent comedians of all time. He is, I was telling him off camera, he's just a tremendous storyteller. And I love his style. And he's been doing comedy for over 20 years. One thing about him that's always stood out to me.

His inherent goodness as a person I think shines through and his work. Like you inherently know when you watch him this is a good man. And that storytelling is transitioned now into three books. And his third book is out right now. It's called We're All in This Together. So make some room. And there's so many great life lessons as you laugh Your ass off in this book, but tons of great life lessons in the book that we're gonna uncover today Tom Papa Welcome to the show. Thanks for having me. It's nice to be here finally. Yeah, finally. Yeah, you know I There's a lot of things you say in the book that I read I've this theory. Yeah, I'm in the personal development business or whatever This is right and I tell people all the time, everybody is screwed up.

Just some of us are way better at pretending we're not. Totally. And totally. And I think the more you know, well-known people, but people look up to you, you're like, oh, they're really screwed up, right? At least as much as someone who doesn't have a lot of notoriety. And that's one of the things you say in the book is like,

hey, it's okay, we've all been, a lot of people have lived lives, most people are screwed up, and there's nothing wrong with that. Speak to that a little bit, it's in the book. It's like an overriding theme actually in the book. Yeah, it's kind of an overriding theme and everything that I do, like let me last specials,

it all has that same thing, I'm saying it now. I say, I go through this whole run about in my act right now on the road when I talk about therapy and and you know being paying attention to our feelings and stuff and that there's it's positive because we're spending time We're much better than the other generations and dealing with mental health and that stuff, but Know that there's no fixing this. Yes. There's no, you're not a robot that breaks,

gets repaired and goes out. If you go to therapy, it helps you, that's good, but just know you're gonna go forever. Right. And I say, I would be a horrible therapist or maybe I'd be a great therapist because you're only gonna come once. You're gonna pay a lot upfront

because you're only coming once and you come in're going to pay a lot up front because you're only coming once. And you come in and you say, so you feel a little less than, you feel kind of fat, you feel kind of old, you feel like something's on your body you don't like, you feel like everybody's talking about you and you're not doing enough. Yeah, you're a human being.

Now get out there and stay busy. No, but it's like super true. Two weeks ago, so I do two-day episodes like this where I do an interview and then Thursdays, I do like a solo thing for 20 minutes. And two weeks ago, my name is men last week, I did one on that. I said, I think therapy is incredible.

But you gotta be, I had a young man who called me, who was, or his dad did, he was suicidal. And he said, would you please talk to my son? And we went through the hour and he's seen a therapist. At the end of it, I said to the young man, I said, there's two ways you can approach this thing, which is what most people do in therapy. I'm all screwed up, please fix me.

I'm broken, please fix me. Or, you know what? I'm actually okay. And I want to grow and get better. And that's, I think, the way you go through life is like, hey, everybody's sort of got these ailments or problems. It doesn't, you're not different or more messed up than most people. No. You just got to kind of grow and improve and get in there and like make a difference with your life and learn. Yeah. Yeah. 100%. I mean, that's what I feel like what your show does. I feel like that's what anybody that's trying to express this thing of understanding ourselves and improving ourselves

and surviving and having good relationships, I think ultimately the end of what I do, what you do at the end of it, the message really is you're not alone. You're not alone. We think we're the one carrying this stuff and we're the one that's dealing with these crazy parents and we're the ones with all this burden. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, And I think that realization is a young person, like, save me. There's a metaphor in the book you use about building the fort. And it kind of speaks to this. Not only are we not alone, but like, there's something to being a good human being and doing something that sort of like pays it forward.

Tell them all the fort story. I think it's a great analogy. Yeah, the fort story is about how it's really about being a good citizen. And, you know, I just, I live in this house and I say in the beginning, like I have a house I'm paraphrasing my own work, but I have a house, there's a mailbox, there's a twisted up garden hose covered with snails, this is my house, But is it really? I'm really only here for a minute. So and whoever was here before I thought it was their house. And so what's the responsibility that it really is you're really just renting anywhere you go. You're really renting. I mean not just real estate. There are time here. So what's our responsibility?

And I think our responsibility is make it a little better, make it a little better because someone's gonna move in with their family when I move away and they're gonna think this is my house. I was in the nice they put the mailbox here isn't nice the garbage disposal on this side isn't it nice that they put this little patch of grass over here like just make it a little better and I said that was when I came back to the woods where I was a kid and we had made a fort, you know, with the sticks and we made it into like this kind of you and we would hang out in there

and it's so funny to like walk back there as an adult and see that the fort's still there. That's crazy. And somebody else had taken, like some other kids are in there, huddled up, talking about, you know, the kids they have crushes on, and the kids that they're fighting with, and they're having wars with, you know,

imaginary things in the woods. And isn't that a nice thing that I took some sticks with my friends, and we did made it nice enough. We carved out a little piece of the world and made it decent enough that other kids are finding the same joy in it Yeah, you know, I gotta tell you I mean this too I think I mean most things I said but I mean I really do there

That's profound what you just said and you do you say your comedy is very subtle. Yeah, it's a Observational it's matter of fact. It's you don't raise your voice a lot Yeah, and it I like that because I almost lean in when you're doing your comment. Like I'm listening, you know, and there's a cadence and a pace that's just pleasant to the way you do things. But there's some huge laughs in there. And then in this book, there's some huge points

and takeaways. It's only due 52 of these a year. So when I get this stuff, I like, I really want someone sitting there that's like, that's a major thing, the renting your time here. Yeah. Rain Wilson was on recently in the ring. I love him.

And we both, our dad's died around the same time. Oh yeah. And I was with my dad when he passed. And I said, you know, one thing that dawned on me when my dad died, my mom and my sisters didn't really want to stay with him until the first came. So I had like an hour and a half with my dad. And something

occurred to me about 10 minutes into it. And it was that my dad was gone. Right. He was gone. Who my dad was, whatever you believe about that. Yeah. His spirit, his being, his soul, my dad was gone. My dad wasn't his body. He wasn't his possession, he wasn't the awards on the wall. My dad was his memories, was his energy, was what he left behind, was the, my dad was sober for 35 years, was the people he helped, was the, he, that, that made it a little bit better, his life, his world, when he rented his time here. And I think that point you made is so profound, the other part of that point that I think so important in these times is, you say we're all

in this together and you're not alone, but that's contrary to almost everything you see on social and everything in the scene, they're main media. They'd have you believe we all hate each other. We're all at each other's throats. We all disagree, red, blue, Republican, Democrat, man, woman, trans, gay, straight.

And although we do have a lot of differences and we clearly do disagree about things as a culture. Yeah, I think the underneath that it's like a big family who doesn't always get along, but there's an inherent love for one another. Yeah, I agree. I go back and forth with it. Like I was saying to my last tour, and I think it ended up in the special that they cable news, we turn cable news off in our house because they're trying to divide you. Whatever team you're into, whatever you're watching, whether it's Fox or MSNBC, they don't have your best interested heart. They need you to watch 24 hours a day and how do they do that by scaring you, by making you angry, and then you stay, and you should turn it off because that's not, and when

you go out in the world, you don't see people living that way. And I do believe that's true, but I also think that they've gotten their claws into people and they are carrying it around. And you can feel when you're on a plane, you're meeting strangers, their size in you up, they want to know, what can I say? Are you on my team? And it's so unfortunate because that always existed. Like my area where I grew up in North Jersey was what it was. And you didn't was what it was.

And you didn't know, it was a time when, you know, the old phrase, you don't talk about religion or politics. You don't do, and now we lead with it. And now they have flags up about it. And I went through my hometown and I see these flags. And you're like, this is crazy, but maybe not. Maybe they always existed. And Mr. Johnson had his beliefs, but I never knew them.

And he didn't introduce himself and create his identity based on his political bullets. That's it. That's it. Once politics started coming out with merch. Yes. So true. T shirts and hats.

You're so right. You can wear a Yankee hat hat you can wear a Giants hat No political hats. You're right. What are you doing? You're right? So now that because if you have that team then you have to go against another team You're right and our team the reason people didn't talk about politics or religion is we didn't want to separate that we are all in this together We are one team. Yes with little differences. I think one of the differences, oh my man, I knew this was gonna be good today. I think one of the differences is politics has become a religion.

It's a yeah. And you pick one. And some force for someone like me because like I have a lot of left leaning tendencies because of the way I was raised and just the way that I think. But I'm also rich, so I lean a little right. Right, right.

Right. You know what I mean? You know what I mean too. But like I'm terrified on an airplane that I may say something that someone thinks I'm anti-progress or I like, I'm a red hat guy or whatever. Like it's not my religion and it's not my identity.

And I wonder if a little bit of it is, I wonder about this that, by the way, I think the political parties are vested in making us mad at one another too, because if we can just be mad. We don't have to really listen to everything they would want to do or not do. But I do think that it's a symptom of the disease of people's lack of identity, of something they're doing in their life that they love and they believe. So they identify with a movement or a group or a party or a, or a something. And there's certainly these groups that have a validity to be together because they do

need to band together to make progress, right? You think about MLK and I wrote my dissertation on them. I know you write about them in the book, like darn good thing everybody band together. But to some extent it's just become so divisive in our lives. And if you could look like you're renting the time here and your underlying belief is, I love you, you're my brother. I may not agree with you on everything, but we are kind of related in that sense. Right. Exactly. I mean, I think it really bothered me over the last couple of years was that

the flag, if you saw the American flag flying in someone's car or house. It was, oh, they're on that team. Yeah. How insane is that? It's insane. It's our flag. Right, it's insane. So I always have it up. Because, and I'm not telling you what I'm doing.

Right, and yet you probably, I think, lean a little left, right? Like I think you probably do. I gotta tell you, on that topic, driving out here today, I listened to your fourth of July podcast. Oh yeah. And you address that in the beginning of the podcast. Like, Hey, I have a flag out front. And I don't think that's something to be ashamed of. But, you know, let me explain to you why I do. And I love our country. I don't think it's perfect. I want it to get fixed. Yeah. Actually, just having said that, I'll hang out with this dude and talk

to him. Yeah. That seems sane. No, 100%. I truly identify as a patriot. I really do. I just love the country. I can't get enough of stories of people that come over and really value their opportunity when they get here. I am number one a patriot. And then sometimes I vote this way and sometimes I vote that way. And it depends on a big thing on personality.

But it is my country. It is my country and there's no way that I'm not going to let other people because they're angry take that flag. Do you know what's crazy? When I heard you say that on your show and now right now, this is what's not about where we are and what, that's courageous.

Right. It actually is and that's not about where we are. I went, that's courageous. It actually is. And that's crazy. It's crazy that that's courageous. What if we get to the point where we say, I love my kids. That took a lot of courage. Wow. He's so brave. No, but it was the fourth of July.

And I remember some of the young people in our family kind of like rolling their eyes about the nation's birthday. And I said, and my daughter who loves the country, and she likes being prideful of it, I said, I said, in front of the kids, I said, I'm trying to make a point, which I don't know, I'm sure it didn't land, was that if you say you hate this country, you're saying you hate yourself because it's your country and it's one of those places where you get to make change. So if you're going to be cynical and give up, that's you as a person.

That's not, you can't blame the country for that. You're right. You can't. You are a part of it. Make what you can out of it if you want change, change it. But that's the great thing about this experiment of America. And so to say, this negative just like, I roll like, yeah, the Fourth of July. Yeah, the Fourth of July.

Yeah. As you're sitting here at the beach eating a hot dog and you have the day off tomorrow. Right. I mean, come on. Yeah. Apart from the country you're doing that. Oh, apart from the world art. Yeah, I mean, the world, that's what I meant. Like you think you yourself.

I had you cring in my head when I said gratitude. No, you're right about gratitude. So one of the things that's a principle in the book, by the way, to me anyway, you can correct me if I'm wrong. It's a collection of essays guys where you're gonna laugh, but it makes most of them are like profound life points. And a few of them are just like points, right? But it's kind of like cynicism versus hope almost to me.

Yeah. It's like an overriding thing. Like, hey, no one's polyanna saying everything's great in your life in the world. Yeah. But you got two ways you can choose to live your life, right? Like one's with some hope and some, you know, belief that something can be better in your life or the world or you can be better and the other one is that you can choose to live your life, right? Like, one's with some hope and some, you know, belief that something can be better in your life

or the world or you can be better and the other one is that you can't. No, yeah, I definitely choose hope. I mean, it's easy to be cynical and kind of quit, but I don't like to quit. You know what I mean? And I also don't like my days to be ruined. I would rather like it to be a fun time.

Well, you're laughing. And that's one of the points also from the book for me. Always them, especially when you got to the Paul the Tick thing, set that aside for a second. Like everyone should ask themselves, it's like, how much laughing are you doing? Yeah. You know, and I even had to look at this for me about, I don't know, a couple years ago, we went to a friend's house. Uh-huh. They were belly laughing, the family. And I could tell, this is, happens a lot here.

Yeah. And I actually evaluated, because there's a lot of my home and growth and, you know what I was like, do we laugh enough? Yeah. And then I kind of, like what you do is so theoretically important, you know what I ask yourself, you're like, how much laughing are you doing? Are you taking all this shit way too seriously?

Yeah, my language but like everything just a bit too Seriously, like you really are renting your time here, right? Right, right and it really is about making the world better You really are blessed to get a chance to be here during this time. Yeah, maybe dial the seriousness down a notch Right during this time. Yeah. Maybe dial the seriousness down a notch, right? Yeah, unless it's your work. They're very serious people working on very serious problems. And you know what, I don't need those guys laughing all the time.

I don't need my neuro laughing as we go into searching. Right, I don't need to trade exactly. Those people, people trying to figure out healthcare, whatever they're trying to do, guys working on physics. Yeah, all right, more power to you. I don't need to see you at Apple, these doing shots at 4.30 because you left the office early. The rest of us, you know, this is a short time that you're here,

especially as an adult with some money in your pocket. It's a short ride. Like, it's really not, one of my big philosophies in life is don't do the math, don't add up how much time we have, just enjoy the hell out of it because I don't like the daunting limitation of time. But to go against my philosophy of don't do the math, you know, once you get out of school and then find your way after another 10 years And then you kind of lock it in and you start rolling so maybe you're like 30 and then 30 40's 50's 60's

Now your knees are shot your eyes are going and it's the same thing It so you're dealing with a couple decades there three decades in the middle that are really that good Now do you want to spend that time right not having as much fun as you possibly can? It's so true. You know what I mean? Get a pontoon boat, get some bowling shoes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right.

Make jokes with your kids when my kids come in, when there's a fight in the house about what? About what? Right, someone left their shoes on the steps. Who cares? It's okay. It's okay. It's gonna be all right. I know it's aggravating. I know she doesn't listen. Someone left their shoes on the steps. Who cares? It's gonna be all right. I know it's aggravating.

I know she doesn't listen. It'll be okay. And really, just like, I want to have as much fun as possible. Part of that does come with age though. Don't you think? Like part of that perspective. That's why it's cool to listen to podcasts of two middle-aged guys talking if you're not so middle-aged because you can learn from our mistakes.

Yeah. I took too many things too seriously. I took a fence too much in my life and I was too much in my life. I'd like, you know, you're at an airport and some dude cuts you off to get his bag in front of you. I'm like, man, like, why did I let that upset me? Yeah. I took joy out of my, I woke up today,

cause I listened to your podcast yesterday, I swear to you, I woke up today and I went, this is today, and I do this for a living. I went, how do I want to feel today? I literally did this this morning. I, my family was gone, so I woke up alone this morning. Yeah. I was like, how do I actually want to feel today?

I can start today and just start throwing my worries at myself, what I got to get done, the stuff I do and don't wanna do. Or like, could I actually like choose today? I'm gonna think I just, I think I, like this sounds really weird to come from me for my eyes. I was like, I'm actually gonna be happy today. I actually intentionally got up, and I was kind of happy. And guess what happens?

I go into my little home gym, my dog crapped all over the floor of the middle of the night. And then I'm like, damn! Today I was like, this is freaking hilarious. I finally decide I literally got the sleepwalking out of my eyes and bam, there's crap all over my gym. Pete everywhere, I gotta take 40 minutes and clean this up.

And I still though, you know what I mean? I know, there's nothing better than that perspective of chuckling at yourself. Like I find myself doing it when I get up in the middle of the night and have to pee and go walking and I'm walking like Sanford and Sun. My ankles are they're sore and I'm banging into walls and just the little quiet like here we go again. Here we go. That's right. Now I walk now. It's just so funny. but I didn't, I cultivated that early.

I wasn't, it's kind of a mix bag, but I remember in high school being like, I have the option to, how am I going to go into today? Like that, that thing of like, and I'm, I'm clapping my hands because I literally would kind of do that. I'd wake up and be like, and I was like, all right, let's go. What do we got to do? Like, let I was like, all right, let's go. What do we got to do? Yeah, let's, let's go. And when you get older and I started like my career and even now, you have to fight it. You got to fight gravity. It's like that, that worry

or just the drudgery or you wake up and you're like, oh, it's not good. You got to fight it all the time. But I kind of cultivated it early because I was looking at life through funny. I was like, I'm not taking any of this. I lost some people really early. So I was like, oh, this is not to be taken that seriously. Like this is really precious time. So let's kind of enjoy it.

I think it's a huge thing, Tom. I actually think it's a huge thing. It's interesting that of all the people have had on the show that it's someone in your profession who points this out and it affected me. But like really, man, I think that's important. I take me and stuff too seriously too often. There are things I do that really matter,

but a lot of it doesn't. And a lot of things don't. The other thing I've done a pretty good job in my life of not complaining probably one of the funniest parts of the book for me Yeah, it was your I want you to tell him a story was Two of two parts one when you can't embalmed into the pool and And you remember that where you yeah, and the other one is when you got You were one of like a billion grandkids Just tell them that where you got a card from your grandmother

Yeah, yeah. Just the point of the chapter is like, stop complaining. Yeah, it's quit your complaining. Yeah, it's the name of the essence. This is awesome. And I was taught by my grandmothers, really, who are just these, like inspirational, they were like the, the positive thinkers before it was in, in vote.

And my, and my, they, one lesson was don't quit your complaining. Like don't complain, we're all a mess. Like, you nobody wants, we've all got worried. So what gives you the right to walk in and be like, oh, who's in what happened to me? And it's like, yeah, it happened to me too, but I'm not complaining. I'm not dumping it on you.

And coming from a big family, this big giant Italian family was definitely helpful because you knew you weren't that important. And I once got a birthday card from my grandmother addressed to Tammy instead of Tommy. And I kind of let you know where you were. He says in the book he goes, not that she don't know my name, she did not know I was a boy. Yeah. Exactly. That's so good.

I think that's just so good. And it's funny because they would give you, the lesson was like a mix of, you are the most special thing and you are so grateful, you should be so grateful to be here and you are just, oh my God, 21 grandchildren,

everyone walked away thinking they were the grandchildren. But at the other side of it is, but you're not that special. Right, right. But get over yourself. Yeah, I think there's a way of like, I don't know, I think there's a way of like, really feeling blessed in that you've got some gifts yourself

and not letting it be like a big ego thing. If you, I had a friend of mine one time and I was really worrying a lot of you goes, man, you got a huge ego. And I went, no one thinks I have a huge, that's not true at all. I was like, no, no, no, you're the center of the universe, man. And like, your problems are way more important

than everybody else's. It's kind of to your point that you just said. Was he saying it in a derisive way? He was saying it like, wake up. Oh, really? You know, like, wake up. Like, hey, dude, like, yeah, you're not that big of a deal. And it's gonna be okay.

And other people have way bigger problems than you do. And like maybe start, I have this phrase I use that I got from him. He's not even, he's just a friend. He's like, he goes, whenever you feel helpless, get helpful, help some other people. And I've like repeated that like hundreds of times. People listen to my work like, now that's profound.

I'm like, I got it from my buddy who told me I had a big ego. It's a good one. I came from, but it's really true. But look at can I ask you a question? Sure Without a little bit of that ego. Mm-hmm Do you think you would have been as successful as you are? No meaning like because you have to depends on what you to find As success what I have made the money I made and You've made the money and felt that you've achieved something which I think is very important. I think it gives you, I think achievement and success in like, you know, that you're helping other people

and people are buying your books and people listening to your show. It's much easier to walk through the day and slap your hands and say, it's gonna be a great day. Yeah. When you have some things under the belt. Yeah, let me tell you what I did. And you kind of need like you do.

You got to have a lot of confidence, a lot of belief. And you got to be hungry and you have to think. Yeah, I think confidence and ego are different and I'll tell you what happened to me when I was young since you asked everyone can listen to him. I met Wayne Dyer really young. Do you remember Wayne Dyer? He was like a thought leader, like a Tony Robbins guy back in the day. Okay a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's a guy who's and like never attach all of your confidence to like your abilities. Because you'll always be chasing that tail.

It'll never be enough. You'll never be good enough. And he goes, attach your confidence to your intentions. Meaning he goes, that you're a real good man. Now, God gave you some good voice and pretty good brain and your hard worker, but attach your confidence to your intentions. And so like even before I speak, or even meeting you today, or a business meeting I go into, my confidence booms,

but it's like, I'm a good guy, and I wanna do well. My intention, even probably where you walk on stage. I don't know that you go, I'm the funniest dude in the world, but I bet you there's a party's like, I intend to make these people laugh. Yeah, and you need to have a little bit of I'm the funniest guy in the world, because you need to approach things like,

I can do this. Sure, that's the thing. Yeah, I think, I'm better than everybody, but I can do this. Yeah, I think that's me. And also for me, there's faith involved. So I'm like, kind of whatever I'm good at, came from God.

I've always worked very hard at it. Yeah. So, but I think all my life, like anybody, I probably struggled with ego-slash-confident-slash-humility and where's that blend my favorite people Yeah, in my life New wants humility and confidence. They tow that line very well. Yeah, because my friends that are super confident with no humility They make you sick. Yeah, and they wear you out and they eventually burn out or mess up

Yeah, my friends with tons of humility. Yeah, and no confidence. they drain you. Yeah. They're always down. They're always complaining. You're always picking them up. So it's those people kind of that tow the line, at least to me, that seem to be the people I want around me. Yeah. You got to harness it. It's like you got to, like if you want to be as good as you possibly can at whatever

you do, you got to believe in yourself. Yeah. And that doesn't mean you gotta believe in yourself. And that doesn't mean that you believe in yourself to the detriment of all everybody you run into. You know what I mean? You know, just in the comedy clubs, there would be guys who would roll in and cut everybody else on the line up.

Be time comedians waiting to go on, and they walk in like, I'm the guy. And then like, cut everybody and do an hour, and they walk in like, I'm the guy. And then like, cut everybody and like, do an hour and then everybody's like, oh, it's this guy. And you know, and some people would do it before they've earned it. Like some guys, you're like, no doubt, you could do whatever you want to do.

We're all happy you're here. And other guys like, just got some success and they start throwing that weight around. And you're like, ugh, that's gross. And because they didn't have what you're saying, like they lost the humility part of it. Emility and some self awareness, don't you think, too? Like just a little self awareness.

Jay Leno on your show that I was just listening to on the 4th of July, I didn't agree the way he said it, but I know what he meant. On your show, he goes, I think the key to success is low self esteem. Yeah. And then I went, that's totally backwards. But then he kind of elaborated and goes,

meaning I don't know which thing I'm the funniest guy in the room. I wanted the best lighting guy, and goes, meaning I don't know where you think I'm the funniest guy in the room. I wanted the best lighting guy, the best producer. I surrounded myself with good people. I think what he really meant is the key is humility. Yeah, I think that's, I think that's a good point. But I thought it was a really good point. It is a good point.

It's all a balance, isn't it? Because like when you say the low self esteem thing, like I've been doing this 30 years, and I'm on tour now and I'm moving it I've a new act so I'm digging deeper and trying to come up with it and it's actually scary. Yeah. I've been doing it 30 years. I have a thousand people in the audience waiting with their tickets to see what's gonna

happen tonight. Like, and but they don't know that I'm like, uh, yeah. You know what I mean? And so like, I don't know if low self esteem is the right word, but it's nice to feel vulnerable. It makes you stay working hard at it. You know what I mean? Like if I just thought, oh, whatever I say is going to be great,

I probably would start to. Yeah. The theory. I know exactly what you mean because I'm speaking and I just finished kind of a tour of my book and I had a talk that I became very comfortable with giving and it worked and everyone liked it or I think most people liked it. Yeah. And I don't want to keep doing it. I want to do something new. I want to ask you about this. I'm so glad you brought it up to be relevant 20, 30 years in comedy. Most people don't know, but like you really do redo your act every couple years, right? There's new bits and it's kind of like choosing to continue to grow and throw out the old and bring in the new. And most people in their life, like in your career, it's required. You can't do the same act for seven years or people don't want to come keep seeing by the same.

But that's risky. And most people in their life don't do that. They're in a career, you like it. They got the routine, they go the same restaurant, the same barbecue on the fourth of July, the same six people that Thanksgiving, the same job. And I think one of the juices of life is what you have to do in your business,

which is every few years. It's like, here we go again, I'm a baby again, right? Yeah, it's funny, when you say baby, because the thing that popped into my head is you're describing it as, it kind of keeps you young. It keeps you youthful. I have no idea of what age I am, because I am still like the same attitude of working on these jokes and going to do this thing. And I hope that it goes well.

And these people are still in inspiration to me. And like it really makes, there's very little difference from when you were 30. So guys like you, because by the way, you're listening to one of the all time, he won't say it, but like all time top comics. And by the way, other comics that I know, when I ask them, hey, give me five or eight guys.

Typically, your name comes up. That's nice. It's true. And so to hear that you also get scared and nervous and renew, you're good friends with Seinfeld and Leno. Same thing with those dudes, like, is that a trait in guys that are people rather that are great in business?

But it's again, it's kind of what we're talking about. They're also extremely confident, quietly confident because they put in the time and they know the craft. And there's, but they still have, oh my God, that set was crazy. I, that joke didn't work and I lost it out there and there's still the vulnerability. It's that thing, that mix of this ultimate confidence

with still that vulnerability. I think the vulnerability is very important, especially in the arts. I think it makes you, it makes you uncertain, which is kind of the opposite of what we're talking about of the country being divided. All those people are acting like they have certainty. And I mean, that's just locked in.

You're just going to turn to a fossil. It's right. It's that flex, that vulnerability that maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I don't know. So let me keep searching. How do you have the vulnerability when you lack the confidence? So I go back to like you, young,

I think you're like 22 or something. I really read your stuff by the way. You're like, well, I don't know what you're worth in you. Yeah, you're dropping it. But anyway, you're young and you kind of catch yourself, you're kind of drinking in a bar and you're like, I think I'm gonna slip into this life.

It's the way that I understood the story. I may just get stuck here in this life. And before I was going. Yeah, so before your comedy career, because there's a lot of people listening to this, they're like, this really sounds good and I don't wanna live the next 30 years the same. But I'm lacking a lot of confidence.

So how do I become vulnerable? You made a decision. What was it like? Was it more like you knew what you didn't want to was that life or more what you did want? Cause you ended up kind of leaving, right? Where you were and going and exploring a new life. Yeah, of becoming a comic.

Yeah. Like it was out of college and hanging and working and it was, it's tricky because I admire that life. So do I admire that life. Sort of why. I like. Sort of why. I like the people. I could easily be the people that sticks in the hometown and knows the servers at the diner

and run into the guy at the liquor store because you went to high school with him. And you know those roads and you know what summers are like there and you know what the wind is gonna be like. And you know when Santa comes on the fire truck there, like I love that, I truly do. But I did know that whatever road I took was going to be a sacrifice. If I stayed there and lived that life

and had my motorcycle parked out back, it would be a cool life. The sacrifice would be that I never got to see if I could have been the comedian I wanted to be when I was 13 years old. So then if I want to chase that and see, can I be the comedian that I wanted to be when I was 13 years old. So then if I want to chase that and see, can I be the comedian that I wanted to be when I was 13 years old? Okay, you can you can go to New York and you can go chase that.

What's the sacrifice? The sacrifice is I'm not going to live that life where everybody knows me and it's nice and cozy in my hometown. So there's a sacrifice. Which to this day, uh, I'm very happy with the way it worked out, but that other life would have been great. You know it's interesting, me too. Right, I think about it more now that I'm way far away from it. I think there were years I was like, man, I didn't want that life.

Yeah, I want this one. Uh-huh. But more and more, I'm like, it's okay if that would have been my life. I just think it's, I think it's like, as long as you knowingly choose the life and you know you don't want to, it's like, it's like, you know, it means like as long as, you know, you're okay with it. Like, there's nothing wrong with having a wonderfully comfortable life that you enjoy. It's almost like, I have some friends that don't really know the difference that I grew up with. Like they've never really thought much of a big dream and a big life.

But some of us I think it could be a blessing or a curse or sort of wired with these dreams. Yeah. You know, like I brought you, I have a bunch of buddies that they didn't have those things. And aren't you Envious in a way? Yes. You're like, oh, I'm Envious of people sometimes that I see with just very simple lives And I'm like, well, you don't have 400 emails today And there's absolutely nothing better or worse than the two It's just I was born with some dreams and ambitions that I Yeah, I think I think truthfully haunted me. Yeah, had I never known who I could have become, had I never had the experiences.

But yet there's something about getting on the other side and living some of it, you're like, yeah, that wasn't, you know. Yeah. And it, yeah, it's a difficult thing to kind of figure it out. And then you know, you also feel like, well, you know, what is my purpose here? What am I supposed to be doing? Right. Some reason there was a little nagging is silly as it is to be like telling jokes in the

beginning. I see it more now. I think there's more purposeful now in the beginning. I was just, I was, you know, I wasn't thinking of it in those terms, but looking back, it was, I think the thing that makes you make the leap go in a direction and it doesn't have to be show business. It could be anything. Is that you feel like there's there is some reason there's something pulling you there that's going to give you a if you do it, it's going to you're going to achieve something and you're going to have value and you're going to carry that and your life will be richer. Yep.

Right. And I don't think that's silly. I think it's just cool. Yeah. And it could have been being a dentist in that town. I mean, like, oh, okay, I'm gonna put up a little tooth on the building and I'm gonna take my degree and do it. That's still a leap.

Or it could be, I'm going to raise these three kids and I'm gonna stay home and make sure that these kids are raised the way I want them to be raised and I wanna enjoy that element of it. It's really interesting, cause I, I know we were gonna talk about this, but I'm actually working this out with you while we're doing it. Yeah, so by the way, if I could just interrupt you.

Yeah, please. There is no certainty. Right. You can't, this is why I love these interviews and I do it with my friends when, and I do it with my friends Wincomedy and I do it with my it's a you have to relearn and talk through these stories all the time You do to remind yourself like true that I'm on track I wonder if in my case I don't sense it with you. Yeah, I wonder I want to have dreams and things I wanted to do

But I also think I was under the illusion, maybe it wasn't even an illusion, that I kind of wanted to change how I felt. There's something not sitting in my being right about how I felt, even though I come from a pretty good family, and if I could go succeed or do this, I'll feel differently. Yeah.

And then I got addicted, my drug, I guess, I don't know, it's my drug of success because I don't even feel successful, but my drug is growth and experiences. And I have to feel like for you that feeling on a stage, so for a guy who's a mechanic, it's the feeling of fixing that engine

and it works perfectly. Or for the teacher of seeing a student get the lesson right, or a nurse that they've healed somebody. And for you, maybe it's that laugh on the stage. You get a laugh. I got to like imagine there's not a lot of feelings like that feeling for you and it becomes almost like a drug. For sure. Is it? Oh, yeah. For sure. What does that feel like when you hit your version of the thing? Like, do you like, can you describe what that feels like? Yeah, it feels the first thing that pops in my head is connection. It feels, it feels like, I got one. I nailed one. This is something that means you walk around thinking of the stuff that is funny to you or mean something to you. And then you put them out and they're,

but when you get like one that phew, that pops and that crowd is laughing, it's connection. We're all experienced. We all agree with this thought. I've uncovered, I look through the leaves and I found this nice little rock. And it's like, and it was worth sharing.

I feel that way, bro. I feel like I don't think I could go through me, go through my life not searching for the rock. Yeah. I, it's a pain in the ass. It's a lot of work. It's a lot to get there, but. But it's exciting.

It's like, I mean, that's the thing, that vulnerability, I'm, you know, all these words are becoming inaccurate at a certain point. Yeah, but I love Still learning little life lessons from people. I love it. Mm-hmm. I love it. You too. It's just just these little things and I'm inspired by People in my family who are successful and they got it together or whatever and Yeah, it's a it's a constant.

Yeah, we can do this. We can do this better. And every phase is new. So it's like, okay, so how am I going to handle this one? Yeah, you say this analogy in the book about CVS or it hasn't the book. I'm very sorry. Is it the book or the CVS? Yeah, it's in the book. Yeah, like I want you to give it to them. But it's like, it's really true. true the different stages of life CVS is a pretty good description of what life can be as you Progress through it tell them what's like. It's so good. It's really that when I keep trying to How do I convey that we are all on this together that and you're On the one hand you are special, but on the other hand, everyone's gone through

what you're going to go through. Everyone's dealt with everything. And you can learn from that, you know, the right way and the wrong way. And if you have any inkling that you're unique and that you're different from everyone else, go to a CVS, walk through a CVS, and you walk in there and you're like,

I got this weird thing on my foot. And guess what? There's an aisle that has remedies for that weird thing on your foot because other people have gotten weird things on their foot. And the great thing about CVS is that you're going to end up visiting every one of those aisles. So true.

And there's that one aisle that we all walk quickly by that has these weird kind of walkers and this weird cane and that toilet seat that seems to make your toilet seat higher for some reason. I don't know why. I don't want to know, but I do know, you know, in short order. I'm going to be like, paying a visit to that aisle to get that toilet seat. It's going to be over time. I remember as a kid I'd go in there and go right to like the candy. And now I'm over time now over in the hair dye section. You know what I mean?

And the vitamin. Exactly. Oh, they make gummy metamusel. That's good. It's so true. I'm working my way through every single aisle. It's so freaking true. But to your point like other people have as well.

Every time you experience, there's another thing I want to ask you about. I ask card stuff. Well, that much more time, but it's from the book. And you tell this story. You take your, you take your, you talk about the story about your, uh, grandparents, I think, getting married. There's this weird nuance in life too about like, Trantley Robbins has to say, he says, trade your expectations for appreciation. Yet in life, you gotta have some, get, expect some good stuff.

One of the things that's detrimental in life is to go through life with these huge expectations of other people or what you're gonna do. You're inevitably let down when you have high expectations. The same time of yours wondered like, but I do expect to succeed. I do want to expect to be happy. Sure. It's an interesting, but it's in thinking of it in terms of like your partner, like being

married, like expecting them to be you is pretty much a way to set up for failure. Right. When you could just appreciate that they do those quirky things in a restaurant or if you could just appreciate those silly things rather than expect them to be, and I do it all the time, like my side of this, we have two sinks in the bathroom and my side is pretty straight. There's a toothbrush and a cup and that's it. And my wife's side is there's doggy bags and there's treats and there's hair coms and there's receipts and there's like a whole bunch of stuff. And I early on, I'll be honest, early on,

I was expected her to be like me. And I't. I guess I don't know if I really truly appreciate the mess over there, but I do not expect her to live like, yeah, and you know, and also I could learn from, I in my older mind, I think that she's probably right. She doesn't have to keep it order. Like what am I doing? Right. I mean, I'm like making the bed and straightening the things up and putting everything in their place, but I'm aware that I'm also creating order in this chaotic world so I can kind of,

because I'm not good with chaos and that's going to get me through the day and get here to sit with you on the right time. Right. You know, I have my own hangups. Yeah, you have your own hangups. I always say like the keto happy marriage is separate sinks. And if you want to have like an extraordinary marriage, separate toilets. If you can get we're wealthy enough to they have their own toilet and you have your own toilet.

You just upgraded your marriage exponentially. Yeah, I agree. And I agree. We've got two things, but we're not successful enough for two toilets. Yeah, you're good. But we do have a rule of Climbing. Yeah, but but those things that but that is private time. We don't need to observe. We don't need to have conversations. They're the area Everybody out The mess you

We're not that much time left is it? Been worth it. No, I don't know what no you're all the work all you've put in leaving that life, you know, yeah, all that you've had to do. I mean dude you've downs financially in the beginning. I imagine we're pretty severe. Yeah. You know, if you look back on it, is it better than you thought, exactly what you thought, not what you thought it would be? It's pretty much what I thought. And I thought it was going to be pretty great. When I got the, when I learned that you could be funny for a living, that there were grownups out there who didn't get jobs, who were just making people laugh, I thought that's got to be pretty great. That's got to be, I don't know how to do it, I don't know, you know, but when I first learned it, I thought, well, that's gotta be pretty great

if you can pull that off. And it is. It truly is. Do you think you'd be doing this in 10 years? Yeah. Do you? Oh, yeah. See, I think it's interesting how things lead

to one another and what you said about connection earlier. I feel like for some reason with you that all the comedy was leading to you writing more books and maybe doing more of this as well. I'm not saying doing less of that. Yeah, but it leads you. These observations that made you funny are also really, I know you, I think I feel this way more than you do, maybe because I'm pointing it out to you, like these observations

are keys to living like a better light. That's not hokier corny to me. Yeah. You know, I wonder if you're going to do more of this. And I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think,

I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think,

I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I know, I was an extension, right? Yeah, like, you know, when I was a kid, I was starting to write things down in the little notebooks. And so I've always been kind of writing. And you know, I have three books now. The first one was about six years ago now. And that was the first time I was like, Oh, no, now I'm writing. Like now I'm writing these books. And I do feel like, I have a lot of comedian friends that write one book and they're like,

I'll never do that again. And I'm like, I wanna do more of this. So I think you're right. I think it's, they're the same thing. I'm still digging and trying to express and be in a funny way, get these points across. Yeah, I had a certain point I'm not gonna want to, or be able to take my heavy bag and put it in the overhead. Yeah. Once I start having to ask people

for help, I should probably be writing more books about that. Yeah. But I do feel like it's the same journey. I feel like it's the same. Yeah. I feel like that is my purpose is I think you're extraordinary, bro. I really enjoy you. I feel like that is my purpose is. I think you're extraordinary, bro. I really enjoy you. I really enjoy you. I appreciate that. Last thing is a question that I ask on behalf of other people.

And that is if someone was listening to us right now and they're like, hey man, I'm at that point you were at, but I'm 40 or I'm 50 or whatever it is, I'm 30. Where you were like, hey man, I think I'm gonna leave where I am. I'm gonna try to be a comedian. And whatever they're are things. I think I'm gonna start my business or, hey man, I think I'm gonna leave where I am. I'm gonna try to be a comedian. And whatever they're are things. I think I'm gonna start my business.

Or, I think I'm gonna go back and get my masters. Or, but it's scary. And they maybe don't have the confidence to do it. But they got kind of this vision or their dream for their life. Yeah. And you've laid out a lot of keys here. Like don't take yourself too seriously. Have your confidence in place.

Or more connected than you think. You know, all of the lessons that we've talked about here today are really important. But is there anything else you'd say to some of you says, Hey, man, I'm going to try to go pursue something. What would you, they reach you to Starbucks, like, Hey, man, you made your kind of dream happen. You got a beautiful family. You've built a great life.

You've got good friendships. You've written books. You've, you know, you've achieved a lot in your life. I want to go do my version of that. What would your advice be to them? Yeah, I would say, I mean, the one part when you put the age on it, I have in my head like, who else is in your life? Like, it's easy when you're single to do it.

If you got a wife and kids or a husband and some kids and all of this and they're depending on you and you're going to be like, I'm just going to play Jenga in the park. Right. That might be a little nerve wreck. But that aside, if you feel like there's mobility and you can do it, the one thing I've been really been thinking about a lot lately is how quickly you can change everything. You can change everything. We think like it's gonna be, oh, it's gonna take forever.

It can happen so fast. Yes. So fast. Yes. It's like you go from being chubby and like, I wanna just feel, lose a little weight and be a little more active. In a month, you could be a totally different person.

And it's the same way with it all. You really can make a change that quickly. So I would say go for it. Because it's and be impatient about it. Yeah. Because time is short. And I think a good byproduct of that is you can change stuff pretty quickly.

Wow. Yeah. Right? Yes, it's true. Yeah. I'm glad you said that because my book's called The Power of One More. And one of the overriding theories of the book is you really, people say people don't have vision.

People have vision in their life. They lack depth perception, meaning this. They think what they want way further away than it is. Yeah, yeah. They believe that. And so they create patterns and beliefs and thoughts and behaviors that perpetually keep it there. Yeah. That's brilliant. But what if the truth is, you're one decision away, one relationship away, one meeting away, one new thought, one new emotion, you know, one podcast away. One connection. Right.

So I totally, 1 million percent agree with that. Yeah. But no one says it. I know. Well, it's a hard thing to get because when I was younger, I didn't have that perspective. Me either. It's only now looking back like you realize how quickly you can do these things. And that would, like, to give someone that advice

whose 20 or 30 is, would be, I don't even know if they feel it. Because you feel like this. You don't feel the clock running. Right? But man, it really is true. You can change everything about you today. Right? Today.

You could be like, I'm gonna be the guy wears bell bottoms and open shirts and go to the thrift store. And in an hour, you're that guy. And an hour with 30 bucks. You're that guy? You're that guy? It's so true.

Man, I, uh. Should I dye my hair? Yeah. No question about it. I've been staring at it the whole interview. Are you real good? Yeah, I'll be honest with you. No, I'm just kidding.

Because I don't have much hair left, but my daughter was like, but now it's getting a little gray on the sides. Yeah, well that changes everything. Yeah. No, I don't know. I think you look great. Man, this flew by for me. Yeah, this is so great. Yeah, you're outstanding. It's the best. And so is the book, by the way. Let me say this to you all again We're all in this together So make some room Tom Papa by the way follow my Instagram. He's hilarious Go see him on tour. He's got a Netflix special out right now called what a day

He's just so funny But there's a depth and what I said in the beginning you proved to be true I said in the beginning when I entrode you I said you're inherent inherent goodness as a human shines through in your work. I appreciate that. And it did today. I appreciate that. It is, yeah, that is the intent. It's a fact. All right, everybody. Hey, go get his book. Go get the power of one more. If you're not subscribed to the show, click subscribe and share this thing. So fastest growing show on the planet and the reason is because I'm blessed to sit across from people like Tom and that folks like you listen and obviously are being impacted by the work we're doing here.

Also, a lot of you ask me for help. If you go to growthday.com forward slash ed, my friend Brendan Bouchard has an incredible app there that I do some speaking in for him on a periodic basis. I think you'll enjoy as well. God bless you, everybody. Max out your life. This is The Edmila Show.