THE ED MYLETT SHOW - How To Shift From Victim to Victor w/ John O'Leary

Episode Date: November 29, 2022

“John, do you want to die? It’s your choice, not mine.”I thought for a moment and answered, “Mom, I don’t want to die. I WANT TO LIVE!”That was the first conversation JOHN O’LEARY had with his mother after a horrific fire burned him across 100% of his body at 9 years old.That's right. He was literally burned alive. But what is truly remarkable is what he did next. In this episode, John is going to tell you how he OVERCAME IMPOSSIBLE ODDS and how you can use the things he’s learned to LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE, even in the midst of TRAGEDY.John  O’Leary is a sought-after inspirational speaker, and podcaster and has published two bestsellers.  His mission and his messages are simple. He wants to TEACH YOU how to find ways to awaken you to your life’s POTENTIAL and ENERGIZE you to live more THOUGHTFULLY, BOLDLY and INSPIRED.John also gets into how important PERSPECTIVE is in our lives.  Instead of focusing on the things he no longer had, John learned a valuable lesson about being called to use the GIFTS and TALENTS he was given and still had despite his physical limitations.If you want to know what it takes to go from VICTIM TO VICTOR, listen closely to John’s story.It will change the way you think.And hopefully, change the way you live. 

This is the end my let's show. I welcome back to the show everybody today special and I mean that we were just having a conversation you know offline off camera we're both already getting emotional about what we know we're going to discuss today. I really admire this man and when we're done with this hour today, your life will be better. It'll be different. It'll be improved because that's what he does because he's done it in his own life. Nine years old, this man was nine years old, a little boy, nine years old, and was burned over 100% of his body. And what you just think about that for a second. And what comes with that with

all of the recovery, all the shame, all of the scars, the difficulties that that could present in one's life, but also the keys to becoming successful, that you can learn from coming from that type of pain, that type of struggle. So I have a very highly qualified person today to talk about moving from victim to victor, the mindset required, the strategies, the tactics, and just overall you're going to be inspired by this man's spirit. He's an author, a couple of different books on fire. There's seven choices to ignite, erratically inspired life.

He's got another book called In All that we'll talk about as well. John O'Leary, really grateful you're here today, brother. That man, I've already cried twice before we had records. I'm not even looking forward to where this thing is going to go next week because I think it's going to be emotional and real and ultimately practical for your audience. So man, I'm thrilled to be on your show. Oh, brother, the feelings are mutual

and I'm so grateful you're here. Let's go all the way back. Let's at least set the tone for a second. So your nine years old kids in the neighborhood are playing with matches and fire and you go, that's probably a good idea. And so take us through what happened. It's obviously a turning point very early in your life to put it mildly.

Right. And you know, every one of us have these inflection points. And mine, one of them took place at nine. You mentioned the kids. They got away with it. I figured I would too ed and I was wrong, but that was at work. My mother was out. The house was mine.

On January 17, 1987, at about 730 in the morning, walked into the garage, bent over a can of gasoline, monkey-seam monkey-do, and tried to pour a little bit of gasoline on top of this piece of paper that I had lit. And before the liquid even came out, the fumes pulled my little flame into this can. It's a five gallon can. Stick a dynamite basically went off, split the can into, picked me up and then launched me 20 feet against the far side of the garage. Oh my God. So that's the starting point of this story. And you know, when we were little, you know, you grow up in California, it was where you

were from. I'm from Missouri, we all learned the same thing, man, stop dropping a role when you're on fire, stop dropping a role. And I remember that on the far side of the garage, but dude, everywhere I looked was on fire. Oh my gosh. You know, like the garage immediately wasn't golfed. And then I looked down and like me too.

So I ran, you know, to the exact opposite of what you should do, but I self preservation, I just ran, I ran on fire through the flames into the house. And then I just kept on going. I ran through the kitchen and the family room. I came into the front hall store. I very seldom share, but it's part of the journey, man. So I enter into the front hall. I'm on top of this rug, just begging and praying for a savior. I know I can't do this by myself. I'll take anybody, anybody. And I see my brother, Jim, who was 17. So he looks at me. I look at him and I'm screaming and I'm praying and as Jim is coming toward me, I remember thanking God, anybody else, not, not him because he's my older brother. He's not always that nice to me.

And yet this is his day, man. He picks up a rug. He swings down into the flames. The flames are leaping three feet off of my body in all directions. Oh my God. He's beating me with this rug. After swinging down like three or four times,

he drops his little rug because he caught. And I know you're a big why I got, a big purpose driven guy. Like when you touch something hot, what you naturally do, if your life is about you, as you drop it and you retreat, you don't do one more to use your lane. You don't do one more. You save yourself, man. Yeah. But that's what we do if it's only about us. What do we do if it's not about us? If it's about something bigger than us, and that that's when we do if it's only about us. What do we do if it's not about us, if it's about something bigger than us? And that's when Jim is about to prove out here. He picks the rug back up.

He comes back into the fight. He swings down a fourth and a fifth and a sixth and ultimately two and a half minutes later, beats down the fire enough to carry me outside, jump on top of me, roll me around on the grass, runs back into the house, calls 911. And that's the beginning of our story toward recovery. But it began with an unlikely hero stepping up and making a difference in my life. Unbelievable. You you I'm sorry. I don't know why I know the story. Why it makes me so emotional. I was just making sure this this little boy. I don't know. I just I'm getting emotional now. And

I was I know this story. I've heard it more like even last night preparing again, I, my wife's like, are you okay? I'm like, I'm all right. Cause your brother kind of wasn't that good deal all the time. Like any big brother is, and he catches fire himself, burns himself to save you. And it's just, I made you this, you talk a little bit, we'll keep going with the story, but I heard you say something about everyday people becoming someone else's miracle. Is that the way that you said it? Something along those lines and that's sort of what Jim did for you. And it's, so I wrote a book years ago called On Fire. And if you look at On Fire, when they first published it, there was a picture of a leery wearing a suit looking at the reader like arms crossed, like look at me people. And I wrote them back and I'm like, Hey guys, before you come up with the cover art, read the book because that book is not about me. It's about ordinary people, man,

doing extraordinary things well. Brothers and sisters and parents and neighbors and EMTs and doctors and nurses and custodial staff and radio announcers, ordinary folks doing work well. And so when they came back with the cover art in round two, there's no picture of John and radio announcers, ordinary folks doing work well. And so when they came back with the cover art in round two, it's, there's no picture of John, and I don't mind pictures of me, but there's no picture of John. It's a picture of the words on fire in like gold and red and orange flame,

mere like materials. So when people see the book, they don't see my picture, they see theirs. Literally, you can see yourself in the cover. And it's my hope when people check that out or check out our work. They don't recognize how good I am or how much I went through. They recognize how good they are, how call they are and how much potential they have in their lives to be part of someone else's miracle. Unbelievable. Yeah, man, that's the call to recognize the gifts that you have and then use them.

A 17 year old boy does this though. That just what blows my mind about. So let's keep going here because your parents are central figures too and so are you. You know, one thing I didn't consider with being burned like that is the recovery, which we'll get to, which is really the rest of your life to some extent, which I think people forget. Like the incident itself is horrific,

and it's precious little boy burning the death. But before we get there, now you're in the hospital, you're given, everybody, I want you to understand this, a 1% chance to live, just to live. Never mind, ever stand up, or walk, just standing up was like off the table for the most part. Living is 99% not gonna happen. And you're in the hospital, and I'm. Living is 99% not going to happen. And you're

in the hospital. And I'm sure you're in excruciating pain. Take us through what that part of it was like. And then this moment where your dad arrives. And by the way, the way you describe it, I'm picking my dad, I could just hear my dad's footsteps stomping down the hall. Like, you burn the house down, you know, the place in those moments. So I love your dad. I love your love. If your dad, I love your stakes. Your dad made and I love the choices he made afterwards to do better. So like I love, I honestly love your dad.

He brings me to tears and my dad lived a different path than yours. But I think we both look up to our fathers in the same degree. Very much. Like I'm in love of your dad and mine. My dad was a veteran, he's a business owner, he's type A, he's kind of one of those guys, man, but he was fair, he was fair, he was good. But I blew up his house.

So like I'm nine, I know what I did, I know it was wrong. So the pain you mentioned in the question isn't actually the pain I was thinking about. The pain I was thinking about wasn't amputations or burn cared was my father's wrath. And then I hear the voice of the line down the hall. He's roaring at some poor nurse. And where is my boy, John? And this girl does me no favors.

She brings him back into the room, pulls back the curtain. He marches in my dad. My dad did not walk. He marched. He marches into this room, points down at me, and then he lit me up. And that word for word, what he said to me. And I remember it today, like it happens this morning. He said, John, look at me when I'm talking to you. So I uncross my arms and looked up at him and then he added, I have never, I've never been so proud of anybody in my entire life and my little buddy, you look at me when I'm talking to you. I'm just proud to be your dad. And then he goes, this is just love language. But then he goes, I love you. I love you. Mm-hmm. And then he goes, this is just love language.

But then he goes, I love you, I love you, I love you. And there's nothing you can do about that. Dude. And after hearing this man, I crossed my arms and shut my eyes and I read this is true. I remember thinking, oh my gosh, nobody told my dad what happened. Well, the old man doesn't know, I burned out the notes.

But dude, I didn't get grace and unconditional love and the way a parent feels for a child. Like that's what I didn't get. And that day my dad showed it to me. It's not gonna make life easy love, but I think it's gonna make it possible. And so my dad is just exhibited of courageous, unconditional love in my life. Yeah, and what that can do. I mean, what you've turned out to be

coming your life, I think that was that your life right there, the, the, it's not the events of our life that define us. I think I think it's the meaning that we take from it. And you could have instantly been told what this means is you're a terrible young man, you're a bad boy. And this is why you write about this so beautifully, but the word that comes to mind is grace. And the first lesson of this interview for me, you'd think it'd be resiliency and toughness because obviously you exhibited a ton of that. But for me, the first lesson of this is grace, which is connected to our faith. But

it's grace. Your dad gave you grace and gave you love when he could have gone the other direction. And so often in life, the easy path is to be critical, to be harsh, to hurt others, because it may even feel justified when we do it. But great people exhibit grace in moments that define their lives and the lives of other people. Don't you agree? Yes, and it's not seeing that often in our society. Many of the leaders that we look up to are the ones that offer the least amount of grace out there. They're very quick to judge on Twitter or whatever other instrument they're using right now that bull horn at bringing other people down. Grace isn't about that. Grace doesn't hide from the brokenness of the world.

It just has the power to redeem it, not just judge it, but work to redeem it. And there's a profound gap between the two. Well, that is really well said, man. Like, let's go back and rewind 40 seconds there, everybody. That is really, really well said. So we got Jim steps up, your brother. Turns out you come from a pretty special family,

but Jim steps up. I'm gonna stop you. Like, that's what the cool thing about us is we're not. It's actually why I'm attracted to your story. And it's why I think others are attracted to mine. We're a middle class midwestern ordinary family, not exceptional in the least. Jim was an exceptional. Their stories of what my sister said the morning that was burned.

They weren't exceptional before they did it. They became exceptional exceptional in doing it. Yes. It was the moment that made them exception, not the preparation before they did it. They became exceptional, exceptional in doing it. Yes. It was the moment that made them exception, not the, not the preparation so much for it. Yeah. By the way, obviously, you know that that's what I mean when I say that. I think what makes this exceptional, what makes your family special is the things that make family special.

And that in life, I think we've been programmed to think, well, the special families are the beautiful people or the super smart people or the really gifted people or the rich people, but the truth is to me special is average ordinary people doing extra ordinary things in big moments and Jim did that your dad it. And your mother taught me a lesson with what she did when you came home and you're having dinner. And I wanna talk about this for a second because this is a lesson for everyone with their children, but also yourself, also yourself, there's a deep lesson in what your mother did here. And I'm gonna give, I know what you mean by the fact

that you come from an average ordinary family, we both acknowledge we both do, but your mother, somehow and her discernment as a loving mother did something very special that I think in that moment, and I know it is because you write about it. So it's gotta be, it's kind of shifted what this was gonna be for you. In this moment, and he's going to describe it,

I want to just set the frame. You could have easily been the victim now. Our poor boy, he's been burned. Let's just care for him, right? Or in life, my son's getting bullied at school or he's struggling at his grades or he didn't, or she didn't make the softball team. And there's these moments

or even in our own lives where we could take the easier path, your mom, this is extraordinary to me. So take us through that dinner when you come home from the hospital if you don't mind. Yeah, she's just so awesome. I had lunch with mom yesterday and mom is the warrior. Mom is married to a man who we talked about already who has had Parkinson's for 36 years. A man who's got his own profound challenges, and this warrior just keeps leading him forward. In order that he becomes the best version of himself, she demands it of her husband,

she demanded ever six kids growing up, she demands it of herself. And we don't see that a lot in society. This expectation of excellence. Wow. Perfection. Because that's impossible to side of eternity, but excellence getting a little bit better day after day. And so the story I'm about to share is one of a litany that I could bring to bear on my mom. So I'm not

getting emotional, sharing it. Because again, I don't always tell this story, man, but here we go. I'm nine. And I got burned bad. And I spent five and a half months in hospital. And it was a street fight. It was hard. It was impossibly hard to describe, but you go through amputations and skin grafts and surgery and the miracle takes you come home. Something most people did not expect we live into. And then they've rebuilt my house. So this house fire that destroyed everything, it's now rebuilt. That's amazing.

The six kids are around around the table. That's awesome. The dogs are there. My mom and dad are there. The dinner's on the plate. Awesome. It's all good. The problem is I can't eat.

You use the word that I love because it drives me crazy. The word victim. Man, I'm a victim. I'm in a wheelchair. I don't have fingers. My life has been cut short. So although I survived, what kind of life will I live? Not much of one. Just ask me. I'm a victim. And my sister Amy, who is another one of the heroes in this story, many times over, she grabs a fork.

She scoops up a little bit of potatoes. And she starts bringing it towards John O'Leary's mouth. So this little victim boy is about to eat finally. And right before the fork with the potato goodness enters into my mouth my warrior mother says to Amy Amy drop the fork if John's hungry. He's gonna feed himself And you're like and you know you you have a heart man. So you can imagine what's really going on here? And you know, you have a heart man. So you can imagine what's really going on here. I look at my mom and I say, mom, I can't eat.

You know, I'm hungry. My mom doesn't look at me. She looks at Amy and says, Amy, if John is hungry, he will feed himself. And then with that, she just looks back on her plate and starts eating again, which sounds incredibly cold-hearted. And that's how I felt for sure. And after Begian hurt a feed me and all this other stuff, long story had made very very very short.

Two and a half hours into that celebration, formerly, the plate had been flipped twice. The dogs had been well-fed. The kitchen's cleaned. Everyone else is gone. My mom is at the head of the table with me. I think that's important to say, she's there with me. I didn't know that at the time, but she's there with me. And two and a half hours in, this little fellow figures out a way to wedge a fork between his two fingerless broken hands, pick up some cold potatoes,

start moving them toward his mouth and eating. And in the entire time, I remember chewing on those potatoes, I remember thinking, I hate my mom. I hate my evil mom. But the key piece there, brother, and listeners, if I've not yet rocked you to sleep, I'm eating. Yeah.

Like I'm doing this thing. Yeah, yeah. And it's really, because even as I walked you through that, I'm eating. Yeah. Like I'm doing this thing. Yeah. Yeah. And it's really, because even as I walked you through that, I hold up this little pen in front of you, modeling this. Yeah. I can write, man, I can dress today.

I travel on my own. I married four kids. Have a great business. Have a great life. I eat my own meals today, mom. Yeah. And this is why is it because I'm that great. Uh-uh. The surgeons weren't that great.

The therapist weren't that great. In incredibly bold, warrior loving mother set at the end of the table for two and a half hours, ish, her heart broke. Knowing that this little boy would have to figure it out one day. And he might as well figure it out on this day. And I think that decision for her to sit with me that night for two and a half hours changed my life.

It's one of the most incredible things I've ever heard because of what you said, you think, well, gosh, this person must have some PhD in psychology or, you know, no, this is just a loving mother who loves you enough to let you go through the difficulty of learning to feed yourself. And I really believe that was there's another defining moment where she asks you, do you want to die? Well, right? She actually asked you, it was your choice. Am I right believe that was there's another defining moment where she asks you do you want to die? Right she actually asked you it was your choice. Am I right about that? I mean this is an extraordinary

woman and the lessons for my audience from your mom and your dad are pretty extraordinary But do I have that right didn't she say that to you? Yeah, I'm glad you brought it up because I think it It's almost the perfect first page of the story you just asked about. So the day I came into the hospital right after my dad walked out, my mom walks in. So dad was there first then mom. And I'm dying for those of you that have children. Like if you've ever been in the emergency room with them, you know that you would do anything to take away that pain and take them home right then and there. I'm dying.

And mom knows this. And I'm grasping on for hope right now. And I look at her and I say, mama, am I gonna die? And when a child asks a question like that, the answer to their hope in foreign response is the word, no, right? You're not gonna freaking die, dude.

What the heck's wrong with you? Who told you that? So I expect her to give me hope, which is a lovely thing to have. But sometimes what we need is truth. You've talked, you've written about your dad and how someone loved him enough to lay truth in front of him. Make it a different, different decision. So she lays in front of me truth and she says, baby, do you want to die? Your choice, not mine. Like the decision point of life right here, man,

it's in the emergency room, it happens right now. We're not waiting for tomorrow because tomorrow's not promised. Do you wanna die? Your choice not mine. And I look at her as a scared nine year old boy and I said, Mom, I don't wanna die.

I wanna live. So she says, God, baby, look at me. You take the hand of God. You walk the journey with him and you fight like you never fought before. Your father and I will be with you. We are not leaving you, but do your part. You fight too. And then like day one, man, I'd never heard of skin grass or banage. And I had no idea what the journey would entail. All I knew was the first right step. Take the end of God. Know the mom and dad are with me, but do my part fight. I'm so grateful I'm getting to experience this with you. I just want you to know that sometimes

in an interview, I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm like really little. So see, when we were before the interview, you were giving me some praise and I said, you said, look, man, I say nice things. I said, you are an embodiment of moving from victim to victim to your you embody it. And the word embody, I mean, you literally embody this because you went through torture when you made that decision. You know, I have not gone through it, but I do have, I've had a zero del Toro on my show who was burned pretty severely in Iraq. And so I have had some insights into the absolute hell and torture that being burned like what you, you had to your body, 100% of your body means. And so this story of, of your mother and your father and your brother are

just remarkable stories to me. I want to shift and go forward because I think there's a massive lesson here with you, which is that once you got through, well, you're never totally through it, John still suffers from the who gets some sores and different things right now in his life. Am I right about that? You still, you still reminded all the time

of the difference with you compared to what it may or may not have been true. It is true. And ironically, and it's through the actions of one of my sisters that we probably won't speak about today, but my face is not burned. So when you look at me at glance across a coffee bar, you see a very ordinary looking guy. But right below that face starts the neck and from the neck to my toes is 30 degree burns. So although I look at first plants, you know, dark hair dude, you know, normal looking fella. Yeah, right below that though, it falls apart. So I've burns and scars and sores

like you mentioned from my neck to my toes. It's a constant daily reminder of what I've been through. to my toes. It's a constant daily reminder of what I've been through. What about though, this is what I want to ask you. This is where I think people, this is a massive, oh my gosh, moment for my audience. And it was for me. You sort of hid the story most of your life. In other words, which is ironic because we're talking about it now, but you spend most of your life trying to say, no, no, no, I'm normal. I'm normal. I'm normal. I'm normal. And I think you have somehow discovered in the process that the real beauty in life is being vulnerable, authentic enough, courageous enough to reveal the scars in our life, metaphorically and literally. So we all have scars like I have found when I've been willing to

finally talk about my childhood with my dad, that the impact I've made is much greater. I think most people think, oh, my divorce disqualifies me for being successful or happy. Or this, my sin has or, you know, my financial failures or some part of me that's inadequate. My scars, my weaknesses disqualify me. and you spent a pretty decent part of your life sort of trying to hide Your scars. So talk speak to that for everybody because I think everyone needs to this is maybe One of the great life lessons you'll ever hear everybody and it may be maybe going into 2023 Which is coming soon for those of you listening at this time maybe it'll be a different year for you after you hear John speak to this So go ahead, John.

Well, it's a lot of pressure on me. So hopefully we'll get to it together, Ed. Let's change years, man, for individuals. Said the cool thing is our conversation reminds them that they can do this in their lives. So like, it's not my job, but it is our job collectively to do this work and this possible.

When you get your potatoes. Yeah, it's a right, brother. When your burn is badly as I was, the dream in life is not ultimately to end up on your show ed or to become a speaker myself. Right. My dream was to be ordinary. Like all I wanted out of life was to disappear.

And I did that for a long time for 20 years. Like I started my own business, but I started my own business to not interview with people because I was so shy, man. I don't like being judged. So rather than being judged, just doing my own thing. So I did that.

I never told anybody how I was burned. I went to college and all this stuff. I never told fraternity brothers or roommates what had happened to their roommate or fraternity brother. It was my story, my scars, my past, we're not going there. And then two things happened over the course of three days that changed my life. And this is the way the universe or God works, I think, if you're pain attention. I'm 28 years old and in a church service on a Sunday, a pastor is talking about talents. And as a Midwestern, I'd always known what I had, one talent. Intellectually, you and I share that.

You talk about being the least intelligent in your family, me too. And I'm not exaggerating. I'm not that intelligent. I'm not that good looking. I'm not that athletic. I'm not that driven. All these things, I'm not. So I'm not talented.

So he says, if you got five, double, three, multiply, one, now he's looking at me. And he talks about how you're called to do something with that talent. And he gave us a pathway forward to multiply that talent to do something mighty with the gifts we have. Even if it's only one gift, do something, man. Do something. And for those of you who are in the audience, if you've ever been in a big room, but it seems like someone's looking at you when they're talking, like this pastor's looking at me. Two days later, I'm working. I'm doing construction at that time. I ran my own development business, which is hilarious to me, by the way. You're burned. You've had amputations. You don't have your fingers. You decide to be in carpentry or construction, which I think is just another part of the story that's great, but go ahead.

Well, it's ridiculous. It was the way without knowing it, because I'm not that self-aware, I've proven to the world I'm worthy. Yeah. And I can't prove it yet to myself. When I don't recognize, I'm not that self-aware, I'm proven to the world I'm worthy. And I can't prove it yet to myself. When I don't recognize I'm already worthy, I'm always trying to prove it to everybody else, man. So just look at what I'm doing now, I'm building, I'm on a ladder, I'm earning, all these things, I'm proving you how normal I am, but I wasn't.

And I'm not confident, that's for sure. And on that Tuesday morning, my phone rings, and it's a little girl and she says, Mr. O'Leary, would you speak at my school? And Ed, I've never spoken anywhere. But I said, yes, on the heels of that conversation from Sunday, where if you have one talent multiply it, okay? So I said, yes, this little girl, I practiced a talk for 40 hours, walked in front of this room, had my notes in front of me, never looked up at the little monsters. in front of this room had my notes in front of me, never looked up at the little monsters.

And that's my first gig, man. Three girl scouts in St. Louis County wasn't even paid with the boxes Samoas. So there's no income man coming out of this thing. Oh my gosh. And on the walk out, these little girls were hugging me, which was sweet. And then one of the dads says, dude, that was killer. Would you speak at my Kwanis meeting? Never heard of Kwanis, but yeah, one of those guys was a Rotarian. One of those guys was Chamber of Commerce. And we just kept saying, yes, no goal in mind. And I know your big goals got me to. But the goal back then was to be open to, yes, and it led over time. And if you want everyone to ask more about it, we can. But it led to 2500 events, a couple million people live, 10 to millions virtually, by being willing to vulnerable, say yes to that first group of three girls. Yeah.

Well, and also say yes to, hey, here's my scars. Here's my pain. I think that, you know, it's been said on my show multiple times. It were most qualified to help the person we used to be. And, and it's awesome. There's a great saying also about, listen, if you really want to impress people, try to show them how perfect you are or normal you are to your language.

But if you really want to impact people, reveal to them your imperfections. And I don't think enough times in life, we, I want my audience to understand this. Your imperfections are your pathway to you creating change in your own life in other people's lives. If you'll just accept that. And by the way, it doesn't mean we don't work on our weaknesses.

What I'm saying to you is that that's your special. When we were talking earlier about, you know, well, my family's average in ordinary. You know what I meant, and I know what you meant. And I'm saying that the average ordinary people like myself, like you, that have had something special happen in their life. The irony is the pathway is their mistake, is their scar, is their setback. And so look at that area of your life and decide what can you do with it.

And I'm going to tell you, not all the people that win in life are six foot four and hit, you know, run a four four 40 and could dunk a basketball or are super models. That's a really small group of the happy and successful people in life. 99.9% of the happy and successful people in life are average and ordinary people who have done extraordinary things in very simple ways. I'm curious though. Didn't your parents write a book about this, which is sort of what sort of again your parents kind of had to nudge you out there one way or the other this story was going to get out there or do I have the sequence incorrect. No, you're right. And that's how the little girl heard about it. So my mom and dad always wondered how their child's story would end. For the parents in the room, you understand what I'm talking about. They're like, how does this thing go down? And they weren't sure, even as I'm progressing through grade school, middle school, high school, and to college. And on the day you and I are recording

this, it's November 22nd as we record, it's the anniversary of the day my wife Elizabeth Grace and I married. So this is our not to the anniversary, but mom anniversary. Wow. Did I'm honored. So they're in church the night that their son is on the altar wearing this goofy looking tuxedo that doesn't fit right. Then they look behind them. And they see this girl in white with brown hair and brown eyes and she's stunning. She's gorgeous walking toward the altar. And then they see us take hands and my hands are broken and her's are perfect. But we say I do and we kiss and we turn around and we walked on this aisle.

And that's the first time they recognize how the story ends. It's actually just how it begins. But the painful story of their of their nine year old son being burned in it beautifully with the beautiful lady and an incredible life in front of them. So they start writing about this. My dad got Parkinson's, he lost his business, he lost his job, he lost income, he retreats home, writes a little story of his life called overwhelming odds. And they write about the miracle they got when they turned this thing, this hopeless story

over a god and they got their son back in more ways than one. So they put a hundred copies at only a hundred copies, man. It's the unauthorized biography of John O'Leary's life. They wrote it. 100 people buy it. Then another hundred than another hundred. They go on to sell I think 85,000 copies. Come on. I'm amazing. No marketing plan, no goals, no savvy out of their garage from my father's wheelchair, people coming. It was just a beautiful graceful story. One of the things was sold to a girl scout.

And she's the one that says after reading it, which you share your story. So if you take this thing all the way back, like how does the universe or how does God work? My dad wrote that book because he lost his gig because he had Parkinson's disease. And you're big into using your challenges for something big in the day. Yes. Leading you somewhere, man.

That addiction is leading you somewhere. That divorce is leading you somewhere. That first bankruptcy is leading you somewhere. That burn at H9 is leading you somewhere. Quit looking at yourself as a victim to it Ask yourself what you can do to redeem it So dad gets this diagnosis writes a book has no idea that it's gonna be lead ultimately to you and me being on this podcast today My gosh, but he says yes, and that's the that's the key in life say yes. Oh my gosh

You guys his father gets Parkinson's writes the book Orses him to go speak to this little girl's group. And here we are. And by the way, all of it, go all the way back. It's 7 30 in the morning where he messes with his gas can and James saves his life. It's unreal. Yet, guys, your story becomes special. If you win, if you win, if he didn't win, if he

didn't marry this beautiful woman, if he didn't turn his life into something, then it's a totally different story. So you all get to determine you are the author, you and God are the author of your own life. You determine the next chapters, you determine what it means. And ultimately what you do with it, do you eat your potatoes? Right? Determine, do you want, on a live? Because I'm gonna say the other thing,

what made me emotional. This question, I wanna go back, man, and you'll use this when you speak. When your mother says, do you wanna die? I think a lot of you need to ask yourself that question right now. Are you living? I'm not talking about your heart beating. You know exactly what I mean.

There's that great saying that says most people die at 22 or 23 years old. We just don't get around to burying in them until they're 65 or 70. So those of you listening to this, are you living? Do you want to die? You know what I mean by that? I mean, do you want to live? Because what John's response was, no, mom, I want to live. I don't want to die.

Maybe it's time you ask yourself this question. What does living mean to you? What is your calling? What is your purpose? What are the scars you need to reveal? What is the redemptive story you have? And here's a pathway for it, and I've never heard someone say this before.

I'm reading, and I'm like, man, I actually said to our mutual friend who introduced us, John, I said, man, what an optimistic guy. And then I'm reading your work. You're like, I don't just believe in optimism. You talk about pragmatic positivity. What the heck is that? So the guy you mentioned is John Rulan, who is just such a good man. So wonderful, wonderful human. And I'm grateful he made the introduction. I get in trouble a bunch by being the optimist a guy, by squeezing enough lemons, adding a tiny bit of sugar, mixing that up with a little bit of water, and having myself a delicious lemonade.

And people remind me how hard life is. And I always say, yeah, and I don't run from that. I don't hide from the difficulties of life. But rather than just talking about how bad it is, I like when people are moving toward the struggles and making it better. Yes. So yeah, am I optimistic? Yeah, pragmatically so.

Because what I do is rather than just looking at how bad the world is, which any fool can do, and they do, and if you don't believe me, watch your evening news tonight, they will tell you how bad everything is, what they miss is the arc of history. The reality is this, in our individual lives, and certainly in our collective ones.

Things are better today by a lot than they were 10 years ago. Shockingly better than they were 20, 50, 100, a thousand, 10,000. Give me any measurement. And we are far better off today as a society than we've ever been in the history of the world. So yeah, we can talk about how bad the environment is and how bad things are racially in an environment like yes, these things need to be redeemed. We need to discuss and work to make it better. And then take a deep breath and say and it is getting better. And we are working to make it better not only for ourselves but for those around us. So pragmatic optimism is moving forward with a heavy dose of

hope, but also bowied by the fact that we are doing far better today than we were yesterday. And it's our job to make it better for those that come behind us. See, I love that. See, one thing when you start saying, hey, don't be a victim, if someone will say back to you, well, no, you don't understand my situation.

You know, my dad was a drug addict for alcoholic. I was burned. I come from a marginalized racial community where I am behind the eight ball I don't have the opportunities you ever I grew up poor. I didn't get to go to good schools that you went to or You know, I don't look like everybody looks like and or whatever that situation is what I'm saying to you is I may not understand those things and I'm going to assume you're right about them. Yeah, I'm assuming you're right about them. In fact, many of you, I know you're right about them. The question is, is that going to define the rest of your life? That's the question. Is that the definition of you?

And so accepting truth is my father was an alcoholic and a drug addict. I did have a rough little time there, right? You were burned on 100% of your body below the neck, right? Like, okay, that's true. You all you were born into a group of people that have been taken advantage of, abused, whatever it might be. These things are true. These are not, when someone says you're not a victim, they're not saying your circumstances aren't true. They are true. You are right. The question is, now what are we going to do about it? Is it going to be a redemptive story? And what if more and more people that were children of alcoholics shared it and prevailed? What

if more and more people from a marginalized racial or economic or religious community shared it and won anyway? Isn't that sort of how it would change? Yes. Isn't that sort of how it changes? Otherwise, it's a permanent definition of your life. So, would you second that the way that I said it? It's right on. The way we change the world, we think it's going to be in DC or Jefferson City or Sacramento. And that is part of it, no doubt. But the real way we make the changes, you make your bed, you look in the mirror, you fix the hair, if you have any hair left over, and then you attack the day. So you start in your own backyard, you start at home and then you work outward from there. So that's where the beach

head begins, and then we move onward and we do so together. Yeah. You say in your book, in awe book, rediscover your child like wonder, unleashed inspiration, meaning, and joy. This has always been hard for me because my childhood was not, by the way, my mom listens to this mom. I had a great childhood. It always bugs my mom. Like, you know, it was a bad, bad no.

There were just elements that weren't good. I had come from a very loving family and my mom, like your mom, is a world class human being. Thank God for my mom. And my dad was a wonderful man. But we all know the story there. So I have a hard time approaching things. And I want to more. So I want you to help me with this with what you call like child like enthusiasm. I know exactly what you mean. But because my childhood didn't have a lot of enthusiasm when I was young, but I see other people that I think are happy. Yeah, they approach things with a not a naivete, but a curiosity almost of a child. Like they'll try new things.

Yes. And they're okay if they're not good at it at first because they're curious about what it is or what it could be. What do you mean when you say that? Well, man, there's so much depth to that question. So I'm not even exactly sure where to begin, but what I will say is one thing. You use the word happy. I don't like to trade in happy. I think happy is very fleeting.

I'm a joy guy. I think joy is so enduring. And we can be happy. But if it starts raining, the joy, the happiness quickly turns into a frown. Like it is just ruined our picnic. Joy empowers us to dance in the middle of it. And so like I pursue joy. And I think children naturally show up with joy. You and I both speak on some pretty big stages. And when we choose some pretty small ones, I love speaking with kids. Those look up. That's my heart right there, man.

I love the big insurance brokers and everything else. But you bring me into a second grade group of kids and like my heart is on fire, man. And so was theirs. When I ask an older group of question, usually people sit with their arms crossed staring back at me. When I ask a group of kids a question, every hand rises. Usually their hands rise before I even ask the question, like that's how engaged they are with the presentation. That's how engaged they are with life. They're not worried yet about ego or being right or being wrong. They just show

fully as they are. So what I notice as a speaker and then what I notice as a father is that my kids were a lot more of who I wanted to become. The way they shut up in life, the way their eyes smiled, the way they raised their hands, the way they got into and out of a car, like everything about them was just lit for life. And I wondered what it was about them that they have, that I have lost, that a whole lot of other older folks have lost, that we can ultimately return to.

And so this idea of joy was a big part of it. And you mentioned it in the way you framed the question, Ed, the desire to not worry at all about failing forward. I think so many times the reason why we don't ask a question, raise your hand, participate in life, try something new is because we've been either taught or we've learned that we don't want to fail again. We don't want to fail again. Kids haven't learned that lesson yet. So they are tripping their way forward.

But the cool thing is after they trip, they get back up and they do it again. And that's ultimately how we learn. It's how we grow. I say in my book, I talk a lot about that, you know, 1% of the population operates out of imagination and vision. And over time as adults, we learn a way to just operate of history and memory. And children, I think children are happier or more joyful to use your term than adults because one, they were more recently with God and two, they operate out of imagination because they don't have a history in a memory. But at some point, history and memory starts to dominate our life. And that becomes the filter, the prism that we see our life through. And what happens is we just continue to repeat the same emotions, the same history,

the same memory. If we can return to what you call joy or curiosity, I call imagination. Yes. Just to begin to imagine what your life would be. Imagine what the day could be. Imagine what the relationship could be. I'm curious though with you, because I think some people go,

that sounds good, but you know, I'm constantly reminded of what my life could have been. Or you know, I'm 30 or 40 years old now, and it didn't turn out like I thought. And for you, you live this, like you're constantly, is there a strategy you use? Because you are, I got up this morning and took a shower and you know, I'm like, I gotta lose three pounds here.

I gotta do this or whatever, right? But I thought about you this morning, ironically, not knowing where you're going. That should be in the interview early. I think we should stop. Yeah, love you. But I thought about you this morning, I'm like, when he does that, he looks down

and is reminded of this event. Yes. It's physically there. And so many people in life, the reminder or the comparison to other people's lives or what their life once was, or could have been, or they hoped it would be, is a source of consternation for them, if not frustration, depression, anxiety, and holds them back, how do you deal with that? Reminder of the event of your life or what it could have been or what you could have looked like. Awesome. So two things. And you know, listen, you were going to be a majoring ball player.

And that changed for you too. So we all have these experiences in life that take us on a path we were not expecting. So let me give you two quick stories around choosing the path going forward. The first was when I'm 10 and a half getting ready to go back to school. I'm still in a wheelchair. So today, Ed, when you and I see each other laugh, I'm going to hug you. I'm going to run over to you. My legs both work, but they did not for a couple of years. So I'm in a wheelchair. I don't have fingers. I'm struggling, man. And I know that people back at school are going to make fun of me. I know my life has been victimized.

I know I'm shattered. And I know I'm damaged goods. And my favorite question as a child was, why me? Why me, dad? Why me? So I'm having this conversation with my father, who is my hero. Today, he is unable to speak due to Parkinson's.

And he has more wisdom and joy in his heart than probably I'll ever know the side of eternity. When my dad still had the ability to speak though, I'm asking them why me. He's explaining all these things that has happened. And I say, that's seriously, but why me? And eventually father stands, he walks to the bedroom door. He shuts it. But he's on the inside of the bedroom, which is unfortunate. He walks over to me. inside of the bedroom, which is unfortunate. He walks over to me. He kneels in front of me. He puts his hands on my thighs, looks me squaring the eyes and says, John, damn it. Why not you? This terrible thing has happened in your life. What you do with it next is going to inform the life that you live going forward. And if you want to be a victim for the rest of your years, have at it. Nobody's going to judge you for that one. And then he paused and said, or you can be a victor, you can choose this path going

forward. And then when we roll you into that classroom tomorrow, and eventually when you walk into that classroom, every single classroom of life that you go into, people will look up at you and all that you've overcome. And then Eddie says, John, victim or victor, honey, it's your choice. Neleans forward. He kisses me on the forehead, stands, walks out of the bedroom, pulls the door shut. And I'm in a wheelchair with bandages getting ready to go back to school with that percolating on my mind, victim or victor, honey, your choice. So you asked me, honey, your choice. So you asked me, John, how do you do this in the morning because this morning I took a shower

and although you need to lose three pounds and I don't think I thought that about you because you're about as fit a guy as I know, I'm looking at a broken body man. And when I look in the mirror, I see a different story. I don't see the need to lose three pounds. I see a miracle. Like I'm shocked.

Every time I look at my broken scarred body that I'm in this game still, I should not be here. I'm like, I'm a miracle. The deal is though, I know it, but we should know it. The fact that any one of us is alive at all is nothing short of a shocking, stunning cosmic gift. And our job is to act like it. So my dad taught me that choice early in my life. And then just a couple of years ago, and then I'll wrap with this. My son reminded me of it. I'm in the mirror. I'm shaving. My shirt is off. My chest is so badly burned. Like the people thick scars everywhere. And my little boy, he's three at the time. his name is Jack. He's fake shaving next to me. Okay. So he's got the little razor thing on. And then he puts the razor down and he starts tracking with his index finger, this big, fake scarf that goes for my neck all

the way down. And then he says to me, Daddy, your tummy is red. It is bumpy and it is richy. So I'm like getting ready to explain. Yeah, I'm sorry, son. I was burned and you know, that's going to be okay. I can still be your old man like explaining all this away. And before I can explain it away, this brilliant three year old says, and daddy, I love it. I love your red bumpy, Reggie tummy. I think children, you mentioned it earlier in a way you framed a question. Children are close to God.

And then we get closer to technology and we get closer to headlines and we get closer to ego and we get closer all this crap that draws us away from who we really are and who's we really are. And sometimes we need a loving father, pre to remind us victim or victor your choice. Sometimes we need a three year old beautiful little boy to say, Hey, the brokenness is good. I love it.

I love it. So yeah, I see brokenness every time I take a shower, every time I look in the mirror and every time I stand up. But today, rather than being a victim to the circumstances, I just choose to rise up and give thanks for it. Can there ever be a better conversation than this in a history of the planet? I'm just like, come on, guys, this is unbelievable. We talked about, I'm just blown away. I'm just blown away.

Very rarely on the show, do I get like this. I'm so grateful we're doing this, man. I'm just really grateful for your remarkable being. And I know you don't accept that, but you are. But I don't think it was all you. And I don't think it was all your parents. And I have to ask you how faith has played into your life and throughout this.

I keep when you've been talking the whole time, I'm thinking about what a blessing your parents were to be chosen to be your parents. And what a blessing is that God chose you to have this circumstance because he knew that we'd be talking about this today. And he knew that millions of people were going to hear this story. And I have to ask you about faith in your life. You've said universe and God, but I have a pretty good idea that it's not just the universe to you. But what is your, do you mind telling us what your, what faith, what the role of faith is played in your journey? If there was any when you were nine and if it's greater now, and what that's roles been in your world. Yeah. So I think you and I grew up with a similar faith back

when I grew up in the Catholic church. I think you went to the St. Dennis. I might be wrong on that. Oh, you're unbelievable. Yes. I went to St. Clement, man. So I wrote us from 3,000 miles apart. Okay.

But we were doing the thing. You know, just kind of doing the thing. Dodden, Dodden eyes and cross and tees and church on Sundays, prayer before dinner. ambulance goes by you say in our father like that kind of stuff. But homework used to be for me like coloring Jesus. And I remember right before I got burned, I colored a picture of I think Peter coming out of the boat walk again.

And I remember this is like I've never shared this. But I remember that night coloring that that little picture of Peter walking on the choppy waters thinking if ever called out of the boat, I can walk on water too. I can do this. I got on that confident in God's goodness and his grace and in his power that if he called me, I'm good. Well, that's the leading to me being burned to my mother saying, Hey, do you want to die? And I'm going to say, No, I don't want to die.

Good. Okay. Good. Then take the hand of God. When she said that, Ed, it didn't really matter what the doctor said on odds of survival or not. I already knew what was happening here. I'm out of the boat, man, I'm walking. It's going to be a while. It's going to be painful, but we're walking. We got this. So with the hand of Jesus kind of pulling me forward five and half months on hospital, I walked years of recovery afterwards. I walked, but as most of us go in our faith walks, we go up and down close and then push away from God from whatever faith we grew up in. And there were a lot of things that I prayed for in my life that never came to pass.

I prayed for a girlfriend that never happened. I prayed for fingers to grow back. They still haven't. I prayed for scars to fade. They haven't. I prayed for scars to fade. They haven't. I prayed for a job where I would be paid well for my work early in my career. That did not happen.

I paid to be like all the stuff I'm praying for. My friend Mark Haberberger drinking and driving accident. He survives. We prayed for survival. And then we get the call that it's not to be. And if you don't wonder sometimes, well, where's God in this? Where's God in this?

We get to wrestle with our faith. And then eventually the faith goes away from a coloring book or our parents version of faith into ultimately our faith in God, my faith in Jesus Christ. And so today, my faith is so enduring. It is so endearing. It is so powerful. I could flop this podcast interview with you and I just don't care because I'm not trying to

prove myself to you. I didn't love you, man. I love your fall. I love the work you're doing. But I'm not here for you. I'm just not. And I'm not here. I'm not even here for my wife who I'm wild about, man. I'm wild about her or my babies. I'm here ultimately to reflect the loving grace of Jesus Christ sometimes by using that term, but ultimately and always by acting out upon it. I want to be the kind of guy who meets people at the well, loves them as they are, no judgment here. And then eventually they can say, damn it, John, what is it about you, man? Why are you so freaking joyful? And that's when I can have an honest conversation

around why I'm so joyful in life. Because it's not about, well, did I tell you what I earned last year? Did I tell you about this one speech I gave it was killer? I have an enduring faith in God, a God who loves me enough to recognize in the brokenness, I'm still perfect. And a God who in spite of all of my mistakes

and there have been many, I'm still promised the kingdom of God at the end of my days. So like I'm joyful when I look at the scars because I know how the story ends. Oh my gosh. That's as beautifully said, as I've ever heard it said, and I feel the same way, but I don't know that I have the ability to articulate it the way that you just did. I just think you're remarkable. I just, I really believe you're, I'm so excited because I can feel sometimes when I do, by the way, every show's precious to me, because I only do one a week, so it's only 52 of them a year. I take the seat year in very seriously. And because I love humans and I love our community here. And there's some times though that when I'm doing this

and I'm just overwhelmed with gratitude, with what I know it's gonna do for someone, and many someone's, and you're doing that right now. I wanna ask you one more question, on the behalf of someone listening to this. And someone's listening to this and they're crying and they're emotional or they're running on the treadmill and they're doing level 10 when they're at level two.

And, or they have someone they want to share this with. And that person is at that point of their life, metaphorically, they've been burned, one way or the other, they've been burned. And they're laying there and the recovery may not even be over. There may be some more pain coming their way. Right. You know, they may not be at the end of that burn metaphorically.

And they say, but I do want to live. I want to make my dreams happen. I do want to make something great happen with my life. And the truth is, I just don't know where to start. And if they ran into you with a Starbucks and said, can I have three minutes? And they asked you that question, what do I do? I know that's a hard question, John, but you've stood, you've risen up to everyone. I've asked you today.

So I'm going to come with the biggest one last. What do I do? I want to live. What would you say to them? Well, I would end by giving them my number and honestly tell them to stay in touch. And I know this is maybe reckless. So you can cut me off if that's bad. But I would give you my office number and I would tell you to call me and that I love you. And I'm here for you. And I'm serious at the end of my day isn't here at the emotion

because it's real. I don't want you offering your phone number up right now. You weren't really in that. I don't want to be remembered as a speaker. That bore, honestly, bore us. Man, I'm not a motivation speaker or an author podcast. So they're talking about doing a movie in our life. We've coached you like all this stuff. That's stuff. A person who who videoed the last year of Mother Teresa's life referred to her, I asked, what do you remember most about her? And he said, her ugly feet. I'm like, why is that it? And he said, they were the feet of a saint.

At the end of my days, man, I want ugly feet. And the way you get ugly feet is to move them in service to others. So I want to have like, I would come by at a year, you're at the wake and you're like, hug Beth. I hope it's an open casket, both the top and the bottom. And I'm shoeless and you're like, damn, that guy's cut some ugly freaking feet. Put some socks on that boy. So beautiful.

But I'm serious. I, we wouldn't have ugly feet around here. So I'm, I'm going to give you my website in our number and, and seriously say, if you're there and you're struggling and you need somebody, we're in. So my website is John O'Leary inspires.com. John O'Leary inspires.com. The number that is like our text line is 3142025373.

That comes to me. And if you're struggling and you're like, dude, I need, I need an advocate. I need someone to pray for me. I need someone to love me. There it is. So 31420202-5373. And then the advice. One is, at an I've been there and anyone who's ever done anything mighty in their lives have been there too. We've been there with the drapes drawn and the sheets up and a bottle nearby wondering if we can

even take the next right step forward. So if that's you right now, just recognize you are a good company, including the three of us on the show right now. We've been there. The second thing is that this thing that you have been through doesn't have to define what you go through next. It has brought us back to this decision point again and again and again, but it is true. You get to decide what that next step is for you on the journey. When I get lost in an airport, which is almost every time I'm in an airport, I eventually walk over to a map. I humble myself as a man, find the map,

and there's always a little star somewhere on it that says, you are here. Then you get to find B-54. That's where you want to go. So as you recognize where you are and some of those decisions that have led you to this point, your wrong turns or somebody else's, you ultimately get to then sit up and bed and say, eh, hmm. And where do I want to go? How do I want my life to influence those around me? How successful can I become? Not for myself. That bores me.

In order to be a service for others, that's significant. That's the calling. That's the opportunity of our lives. So I would encourage those, those of us in a hospital bed, or at a boardroom table, or at a bedroom next to a spa, to sit up, look at the wall, determine again where they are, how they got here, and ultimately the grand calling on your life. I think it's a divine calling on who you want to become and what the next right step is.

And if you need help, truly you need help. John O'Leary inspires.com. That's the website, the number 314-2025-373, and we are all in. Oh gosh. Well, I am called, even more than I ever ever have been to have some ugly feet at the end of my life. And that is something I'm not going to forget. And I won't forget this conversation.

It flew by. I feel like we've been talking for about 17 minutes, but it's actually been an hour. And I just want, I want to tell you that I love you and I'm grateful for you. And you are special. You're special because you are average and ordinary. And you've done something extra ordinary with your life. And to me that makes you special and it makes your family special. John, thank you so much for today. Thank you so much. I look forward to every podcast. I cannot tell you how excited I am to be on one

that I actually tune into regularly. So brother, for your work, for your life, for your impacted, for your reminder. You guys, I know you're sharing this, but I don't even need to ask you. So I just want to tell you all that I love you and I'm honored that you all listen or watch because I get a chance to give you an experience like we just had together.

So continue to max out your life, everybody. God bless you. Till next week. This is the end My Let's Show. you