THE ED MYLETT SHOW - How to Stop Defining Yourself by Your Failures Feat. Dr. Nate Zinsser

Episode Date: July 7, 2026

You think you know what confidence is. You don't. Not yet. I brought Dr. Nate Zinsser onto this show because what he teaches is unlike anything you have heard in any self-help book or motivational speech. He is the director of West Point's Performance Psychology Program. He has spent 30 years teaching the most elite military leaders, Olympic athletes, and pro sports teams in the world how to build real, unshakable confidence from the inside out. He is the psychologist behind Eli Manning's two Super Bowl victories over my Patriots, and I'll never forgive him for it. But here is what got me. This is not about pumping yourself up. This is about rewiring your brain at the neurological level so that confidence becomes your default. And every single one of you can do it starting today. Here is what you will gain from this episode: The Psychological Bank Account: Learn the exact exercise Dr. Zinsser gives every West Point cadet to build a foundation of confidence from the memories and experiences you already have The Five Minute Daily Practice: Discover the single most powerful mental training habit you can build, three questions at the end of every day that literally rewire your brain for confidence Temporary vs. Permanent: Understand how the most confident people in the world process setbacks differently and how to adopt their framework starting today You Are Not a Failure: Learn the most important distinction in this entire episode. You may have failed at something. That does not make you a failure. Dr. Zinsser explains how to stop letting that one lie destroy your confidence Preparation and Performance: Find out why the psychology of preparation and the psychology of performance are completely different and why confusing them is costing you  You have everything you need to start building your confidence today. No excuses. #Maxout! Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/mylett See how K12 Powered Schools can help unlock your child’s full potential! Enroll online today at k12.com/mylett Head to dosedaily.co/MYLETT or enter MYLETT to get 35% off your first subscription. Start improving your health with real data from Tiny Health. Get $50 off your first at-home test kit at tinyhealth.com/mylett 👉 SUBSCRIBE TO ED'S YOUTUBE CHANNEL NOW 👈⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   → → → CONNECT WITH ED MYLETT ON SOCIAL MEDIA: ← ← ←  ➡️ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠INSTAGRAM⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   ➡️⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠FACEBOOK⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   ➡️ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠LINKEDIN⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   ➡️ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠X ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  ➡️ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠WEBSITE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is the Edmiron-Miland show. Hey, welcome back to the show, everybody. So this week, I want to get right into it. We're going to talk about self-confidence, and this is not your normal self-confidence podcast, you know, with the normal platitudes that you hear a million times about how to build self-confidence. This is going to be different.

And the reason it's different is because of my guest. You guys know I curate guests that I believe can bring something to the table that haven't been at the table before for so many of you. And Dr. Zinser is absolutely fits that. criteria. Let me tell you why. He's a director of West Point's performance psychology program where he trains U.S. military academy cadets and leaders how to operate effectively, frankly, how to build their own self-confidence with some of the most important people in the world. He's also worked with Olympic athletes, pro sports teams. Kind of Eli Manning stands out to me because he beat my

Patriots twice. So I definitely have to dive into that one. And obviously corporate leaders and elite military leaders as well. It's got a great book called The Confident Mind bestselling book as well. This is going to be a unique conversation. It's going to help you get more confident. So Dr. Zinser, welcome to the show. Thank you so much for having me on it. I'm really looking forward to this. He's also medicated. He's eight days out of knee replacement surgery. I'm just kidding. Yeah, I'm only medicated with a set of minifin, so there will be no drowsiness. There will be no slips of the tongue. There will be no embarrassing references made. Outstanding. And by the way, it's okay if you do. It gets us more downloads. So feel free.

So let me ask you a question. I want to start out just basis, just for kind of laying a foundation. Just because I'm curious myself, too. Tell me about your work at West Point. I've never been allowed anywhere near the place. So I would just like to know what your work's like there. Well, you've got to come pay us a visit. The military academy is an extraordinary institution.

Every year, 4,000 young men and women from all across the country and from at least a dozen foreign countries train in a very, a very rigorous curriculum, including academic training, physical training, military training. After that 47-month experience, these young men and women are graduated with a Bachelor of Science degree, and they are commissioned to second lieutenants in the Army. They serve a minimum of five years. Some of them go on to serve 10, 20, 30 years and reach very high ranks in the Army. Others leave after five or 10 years and take leadership roles in the private sector.

sector and civilian governance. My work at Wells Point, 30 years directing a performance psychology program, was to take what we knew from sports science about the intangibles of human performance and take them out of any kind of mysterious or intangible framework and reduce them to learnable, practicable, skills. So we were teaching cadets the how to remain confident when the crap hits the fan, which it always does, how to be focused on what's important, even though there are a million distractions, and how to retain energy and awareness and enthusiasm despite tons and tons of physical, mental and emotional stress. So there's a curriculum that we established, which

has been going on in West Point for over 30 years now, and it's been exported to various units outside of West Point, different Army posts around the country and around the world. And now little pieces of it will be exported. This is what's so great about podcasting, by the way. Someone like me or probably some of my friends listening, I really could get nowhere near West Point, but through podcasting, I'm going to pick up some of the things

that these elite performers have picked up in their life. So let me ask you a question. Basic question first, because I do a lot of work on self-competition. And I also work with athletes and corporate people and CEOs, et cetera. But your work is so specific. What is it that creates confidence in the brain? Like, just as a mechanism to begin with. How would you answer that?

What is it that creates confidence in the brain? Well, the only thing that creates anything in the brain are clusters of neurons that fire together. Right. And what we all have in our brains are clusters of neurons that, that fire as a result of and as a cause to certain thoughts and memories and experiences. And if you get your brain continually firing those particular clumps of neurons, it just becomes your brain's default habit. And so you find yourself engaged rather than hesitant.

You find yourself excited rather than apprehensive. And it's simply because you have trained yourself to think and think in one way only. And because you have been thinking in one way, you have literally done some physical rewiring of the gray matter between your ears and the gray matter that goes down your spinal core. Now, that rewiring, let's say you're listening to you today and you're like, okay, I do have a consistent way of thinking. And I've been thinking for 30 years as an unconfident person. I've replayed memories from childhood or my adult experience where I've had a failure or a setback.

Or maybe not even that. Maybe I've just always been pretty in my mind average. Yeah. Right. You just said it. I've always been in my mind pretty average. Keep going, Ed. Well, so I live that.

You know, my belief system is if you live that way in your mind, your external world will probably produce those results, right? You're 100%. Right. So if I've lived this way for a long time, I've got that wiring. What are some of the practices, and please take a few minutes on this, that you would offer to my audience that could begin to rewire what goes on in their mind, like actual practices, practical application strategic stuff? Okay. First, applicable practice. take whatever time is necessary and a piece of paper and a writing implement and write out a list

of your most enjoyable, enthusiastic, rewarding accomplishments in your life. Whatever they may be, okay? I liken that process to basically opening up a bank account, a psychological bank account of achievements, awards, good experiences, and everybody has them. We may have overlooked them for various reasons, which we can get into, but they're there. Nobody makes it into West Point. Nobody makes it into a college athletic program. Nobody makes it to a professional level. Nobody makes it to the C-suite. What I haven't done a hell of a lot of good things. So the first thing we need to do is shine a light on that.

It's like being a minor and you're looking for those nuggets of gold or diamond. It's like being a detective. I'm looking for clues. So I outlined an exercise called the top 10. Top 10 moments. If you're a baseball pitcher, it's your top 10 moments playing baseball. I was a high school player of the year. I had my first college start here.

I got my first college win there. So that sort of establishes the bank account. And then, and this exercise, one, the last guy who interviewed me for a podcast, refers to this as the deadlift of mental training exercises. Okay. If you're going to do one strength exercise, you're deadlift. Yep. If you're going to do one thing consistently in terms of building your confidence, you're going to do what I call the ESP daily reflection. At the end of every day, you reflect on your experiences of the day and ask yourself three questions. Where did I put in quality effort?

Here, here, here. Second question, what did I get right? Oh, I made a success here. I did well on this drill. I got this compliment there. Third question, what am I making progress in? Well, I'm getting better at understanding the periodic table. I'm getting better at understanding certain AI implications in my business.

I'm getting it better at throwing that deep corner back shoulder fade. And that reflection takes literally five minutes. And I encourage people to keep that in some kind of written journal format. And that is a daily deposit into that mental bank account that I described. So establish the bank account. And then you add to it and you add to it and you add to it and you add to it. Those are the two most important exercises, practical drills that people can do to build up a sense of certainty about themselves. Okay, guys, I have to tell you, first of all, don't discount what he just said.

So my producer is my son actually now. And so I know he's in the studio sort of smirking because one of the techniques that I teach with the athletes or leaders that I work with is called the highlight. real. Same deal. Correct. Same deal. But let's talk about why this works and why people don't do it. So the reason that I do, so I'll have people pick two or three highlights and then feed to themselves the cognitive rehearsal of the next highlight they wish to achieve in their life. And the reason that this works everybody, and you correct me if I'm wrong, but confidence, success, peak performance, the zone, whatever you want to call it, is actually a neurology. There's a chemistry that's happening within your body when you're choking or nervous or scared or

unconfident. And there's a different chemistry in your body that you inhibit that is a confident one. And when you do these little deposits, you're actually reminding your body of what that neurology is like, correct? That's a great way to understand it. Yes. Okay. Now, the challenge is for most people, it's interesting.

The lack of confidence that we all have produces our full. filter for the way we see ourselves in the world. So for most people, though, say when you just said that, so let's just dig deep. Let's push each other here. They'll say to you, well, I haven't thrown a touchdown. I didn't get into West Point. Heck, I couldn't get into a junior college or, you know, I'm an entry level person working in a cubicle somewhere and I don't have these deposits. The truth is, that's a lie, isn't it? That they have had successes. But their lack of confidence is a filter where they discount themselves and the things they do well. So if you ask the average person, give me a list of the 20 things the last year you've screwed up or messed up.

They can recall that in a minute. But if you said to them, give me three things you did in the last month or the last day that were great, they have to search through this filter they've got that tells them they're worthless. So could you just speak to that for a second in terms of not all of it has to be some touchdown you've thrown in the NFL? it could simply be, you know, a great conference call you had or a great Zoom or a great interaction with your children that just was loving and kind, right? All of the above qualify. Any memory, any statement about yourself in the present, any fantasy, vision of something you want in

the future that creates a sense of energy and optimism and enthusiasm is worth hanging on to, however small it might be. The point that you're raising at, which is really important, is that so many of us were brought up to think that we can only value our experience, we can only value ourselves if we have achieved everything that the world has deemed to be important. Great grades in school, great bunch of friends, one every game, played in, had the most attractive spouse possible. We have been socialized to kind of search for, hang on to, and unfortunately define ourselves by our negative experiences. So much of our socialization has brought us to that. And I am constantly, and it sounds like you're constantly

as well, urging people to look for, hang on to. And, and define yourself by the quality of your effort, the successes that you have achieved, and basically the magnitude of the obstacles that you have overcome. That's what you want to define yourself by. The two things you said that stand out to me that you've repeated twice, and I don't think people give themselves enough credit for this, is effort. The basis often for the foundation of confidence has to begin with your effort

because effort precedes the result. And so if all of your confidence, you guys, listening is based on the results you produce all the time, you're going to be waiting around a long time to build that self-confidence level. But if it's predicated on effort, you know, that I did get into the gym. I did do the reps I said I was going to do. I did do one more at the end when I promised myself. I emptied my daggone mailbox at the end of the day before I left the office. See, this is fascinating to me.

Like, this is how confidence is truly built everybody. Let me ask you a question about a failure or a traumatic event because I know with warfighters or soldiers of any type. I mean, they may have, there could be a PTSD moment. There could be childhood trauma. There could be, I flunked a test. And this oftentimes can kind of scramble our wiring, right? We're like, I've known people, for example, who are very confident people.

And frankly, their spouse left them. and their confidence is annihilated, or they're very good in business and then something happened to the business and they've had a bad year or lost the business. And in all honesty, they've almost become a shell of themselves externally. And I know that started internally. They never fully recovered from that setback. What would you say to that person who's gone through something like that? What I say to them is we've got to protect that bank account of yours.

We've got to set up some cognitive safeguards so that the, imperfect physical world that we live in and your personal physical inevitable imperfections do not destroy the energy, the optimism, and the enthusiasm that you have been building up by reflecting constructively on your various memories and your experiences. So I steal a whole lot of work from the positive psychology movement spearheaded by now. Martin Seligman at the University of Pennsylvania looking at how do we mentally respond to setbacks? Do we see them as temporary? Yeah, they happen.

They suck. But it was just a one-time deal. Or do we say to ourselves, uh-oh, it happened and it's going to happen over and over and over again? Permanent. Do we look at our setbacks as temporary or permanent? Take your pick. Secondly, do we look at our imperfections and our setbacks and, our failures as basically limited in terms of where they occurred.

Yes, it happened in that inning of the baseball game. Yes, it happened in that conversation with that individual or that board meeting. Or do we say to ourselves, oh, every time, everywhere, all these things get screwed up. Do we keep them limited? Or do we globalize them? Okay. And third, and this is where it really gets important. And this is what most people struggle with most of all.

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non-representative of me it's non-representative of me it happened there could be consequences but that setback does not tell the truth about me. So I have to keep my setbacks and failures temporary, limited, not the truth, as opposed to permanent everywhere and absolutely the truth about myself. And that's just a distinction that everybody can make. It takes some practice to establish that as a habit. And I'm constantly counseling. people to do that, challenging them to put just the difficulties of life with a capital L in those

temporary, limited, and not the truth terms, because if we go that way, we are blind to our own possibilities and to our own capabilities. Wow, that's profound. That was really good right there, Nate. Really good. You know, I find the third one so prominent where people will have a failure and I'll literally hear them say, I'm a failure. Exactly. That is precisely the point.

Instead of, okay, I failed at something. They make the categorical judgment. Henceforth, I am a failure. No, you might have goofed that calculus test. You might have goofed that fitness test. you might have goofed your execution of your high bar set into gymnastics meet. Okay. Let's leave it right there.

Let's not draw the conclusion that I'm a failure categorically. Yep. And people have to practice that. Yeah, that term you made of, you ought to ask yourself this everybody, too, do you sort of globalize results? I love that term because, you know, you were in a relationship. This person doesn't love you anymore. That doesn't mean you're unlovable. bull. That means in this relationship. You know, another thing I've deduced, listen to you,

and it's like it's an old school thing because you're such a scientifically based guy, but that you don't hear anymore in what I call like self-help circles or or personal development or self-confidence. This interesting thing you've said three different times, I think, and I want you to speak to it. You know, it used to be that, hey, listen, you got to get excited. You got to have some enthusiasm. I, you know what's interesting? I never hear that anymore, the word enthusiasm. Yet you've said it three times. It's like almost like this missing thing that used to be talked about all the time. But there's something to be said for the level of enthusiasm you brought to a project, a meeting, a relay, and it's just one of these things that,

at least for me, I think we just forget. It's like, okay, I prepared my notes. I know what I'm going to say or we've got a game plan for the game or the meeting. And you forget the enthusiasm, the energy part of confidence, of success, of making it infectious. So speak to enthusiasm. And also, So how does that impact the other people, your family or business people you lead? You know, I think the word enthusiasm, Tom, sometimes gets misinterpreted to mean, you know, confetti and balloons and angels blowing trumpets, great big deals. But how about just that little sort of secret smile? Hmm, yeah, this could be really cool.

That's enthusiasm. This meeting could turn out great. we could smoke these guys in the second half okay i could turn my platoon into the shit hottest bunch of dudes and dames in the army and it's not this boisterous loud thing it's just this internal oh yeah that could be cool that that level of enthusiasm i think it's really productive and it's something that you can sustain throughout the day, the week, the month, the quarter, a career, you know, jumping up and down and with the balloons and the confetti, oh, that's kind of tiring, you know.

Yeah, you're right. And to your second point, it's just that quiet, okay, we're going to do this, that quiet level of enthusiasm, people are drawn to that automatically. They don't necessarily know why. They just say, I, it's cool being around that dude. Okay, that woman has a certain degree of classy power because she communicates, but she's not doing it necessarily to impress it everybody else.

Yeah. She's just doing it because she knows it's the right thing to do. And it somehow, I don't know, psychically leaches out and draws other people to you. This is by the way, I love doing the show. It's the little subtle distinctions that I get from someone like you. It's so profound as a 55-year-old guy of bringing a sustainable level of enthusiasm to your endeavors, not the crazy bells and whistles that can't endure the season, the year, the company.

You're right. It's sustainable enthusiasm. I love that classy level of confidence that. By the way, everyone, a lot of you are listening on audio. Those you that listening on YouTube saw this, but what Dr. Zezer was doing was, there was this kind of smirk in his physiology. And so I want you to speak to this for a second, too. Is there a connection between physiology and the mental level of confidence, whether that

be physical exertion, the way we use our face, our breathing? Is there a correlation in your mind that you teach between physiology, physical movement, and confidence? There definitely is a connection. consider myself an expert on it. I do know that shoulders slump forward, head facing downward, tends to both communicate a lack of enthusiasm, and it literally tends to reduce it in one self. Conversely, shoulders back, chin up a little bit, eye contact, okay? this communicates to the observer a level of engagement, a level of enthusiasm. Yep.

And there is some research to demonstrate that posture alters your emotional state. Okay. It's somewhat controversial, but I urge everybody to try it. Yep. Step up straighter. Yep. By the way, I... Should shoulders back.

I agree. I actually think, I don't think this is disputable. Listen, when you got on the Zoom here today, I knew immediately within 30 seconds, I was dealing with a confident person as it comes to the topic he was speaking on. There's an assumption physically that somebody makes when they're confident. And there's a doubting sort of constricted, bent over physiology of someone who is hopeful you're going to believe them. I hope you like me. I hope you find me attractive. I hope you think there's a difference between hoping and assumption.

And it's not arrogance. There is a physical connotation to how we do hold ourselves. And to your point, I don't think it's over the top. I think it's subtle. I think it's nuanced. I don't think it has to be, you know, you see those guys that walk around way too puffed out, right? Way too much of their chest. You know, this guy is a poser.

And I'm sure there's a similar physiology for a woman. It's subtle. But I do think those of you that are working on your confidence, you should. should at least check a box of how's my physiology, my facial expressions, how I walk, how I talk, my pace, my tonality, my cadence, I think matters. Am I acting in a way that I would want to follow somebody? Wow. Am I being the kind of person that I would want to follow?

Wow. It can be as simple as that. Who are the people that you are sort of naturally, almost unconsciously engaged with? what are they like are they set back are they right all right all right are they open open why don't you just be that way just try it for a little while you're not faking anything you are being a version of yourself that's not fake that's you being you let's explore that Very good. Yeah, you're right. I think sometimes I think, well, I'm copying this person. There's a difference for me because when I was young, I lacked confidence. I did exactly what you thought. I thought, well, who do I admire? Who would I want leading me? And what I would call that guys that's listening so you don't feel fake, it's more like modeling somebody than copying them. It's my version of the things I've noticed in them that I found pleasing or attractive or brought me confidence. Effective. There you go. Right. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for saying. that. Okay, I'm going to give you a guy. I need to know about this because you talk about our minds.

There's this dude. I'm a huge Boston sports fan. And you're already smiling. And I liked you, Nate, until I found out you helped this guy. And now I'm on the fence until we're done here today. But so I'm a Pat's fan. And I think most of you know if you're not football fans, there's this guy named Eli Manning who basically ruined my life twice. And I mean it. Like, ruined my life. And so Eli Manning's quarterback for the New York Giants. He's not in the Hall of Fame yet, but he should be. I'll even say that on his bath. He's won a couple Super Bowls.

He's basically really one of two people who ever beat Tom Brady in the Super Bowl, and he actually did it both times he played him. So think about that, you guys. He's also got an older brother who was a great player. He was like almost the second one in the family. So some of you feel that way. Oh, my sister's the rock star. My brother's the one that everybody looks up to.

Eli had that with his own dad and his own brother. He was like third wheel. and he's won two Super Bowls and beat the goat twice. Tell us about your work with Eli, and someone told me you got a story, at least I need to hear about Super Bowl 46, which I probably don't want to hear, and I'll probably get to edit out, but I want you to tell it anyway. Tell it anyway. You know, when I started this podcast, it seemed like I had to figure everything out on my own,

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medications. I first met Eli in the spring of 2007, a former West Point. grad, West Point assistant coach who was on the Giants coaching staff suggested to head coach Tom Cofflin. You know, I think that this guy, Nate Sinser, but West Point, you know, might be a good influence on Eli. And, you know, Tom Coughlin grilled me for a couple of hours in his office. And he said, okay, we'll give this a shot. Eli and I connected. And we just began a relationship, a mentor-mente relationship. And the thing that immediately impressed me about Eli was the simple trait of curiosity. What's out there that might help me? Okay. And he's been

very, very clear about this when he's been asked about it in, you know, different, you know, different interviewing sessions and, you know, different, you know, different media out. He's been very clear. Everybody talked about, oh, you got to be mentally tough. You got to be mentally tough. You got to be mentally tough. He had been told that playing college ball at Ole Miss.

He'd been told that, you know, in his three years with the Giants. I didn't meet with him until that gap between his third and fourth giant season. You know, everybody had talked about how important this is. You've got to have a great attitude. You've got to be mentally tough. But nobody had everybody. broken it down into steps okay and you know he was you know he was a very attentive pupil you know and he and I met regularly throughout the spring in the summer of 2007 we continued our

relationship basically breaking down every game he played from a cycle from a mental point in mental toughness point of view you know and so now February of 2008 comes around and Eli puts on an incredible show in the fourth quarter and ends up beaten heavily favored and at that point undefeated Patriots for Super Bowl 42. It was one of the coolest moments of my life. One of the worst of mine. Yeah. Okay. Now, four years later, four years later, the Patriots and the Giants again face each other in the Super Bowl. Okay. And once again, the Patriots are favored.

And once again, Eli has a remarkable fourth quarter. Okay. The Giants were down by two points with four and a half minutes on the clock. The ball's on their own 10-yard line. They've got enough time to dig the ball down to feel. kick a field goal, go up by one. But that means they're going to give the ball back to Brady and the Patriots with like two minutes on the clock.

And all I got to do is think the ball down the field, and they'll kick a field going to win. So the Giants got to score a touchdown if they are going to win. And so Eli takes a snap, and the shotgun looks right, looks over the middle. She's Mario Manningham deep, right about it, midfield. And he launches this perfect arc of a ball. There are a patriot defenders draped all over Manningham, but this ball is so beautifully placed that it just falls right into Manningham's hand,

and he steps out of balance right, right neck. He almost knocks Bill Belichick over, you know, when he steps out of bounds after making that catch. That play set up the Giants, go ahead, touchdown. For all intents and purposes, game over. Two days later, Eli is doing his mandatory. like his ESPN radio interview and he's asked about that play and he's asked specifically do you ever consider the ramifications of failure at a time like that and this is basically

asking being an NFL quarterback do you think about screwing up in an important moment that's a very yeah consider that question do you consider the ramifications of failure at moments like that And I think Eli wanted to say, are you out of your freaking mind, dude? He basically being the gentleman that he is, said, well, that's exactly what you don't do. In moments like that, you think about all the times you have succeeded with a fourth quarter comeback. You recall the games against this team and this team and this team and this team where you were successful in those particular kinds of moments. You forget about the other ones. He literally said, you misremember those misses and you hang on to the memories of your successes.

That's the feeling. That's the feeling. So the ability to think about, I've done some good stuff. This could be really cool. That's the feeling that you want to have when you are in your own equivalent of the fourth quarter of a Super Bowl. rather than, uh-oh, this is really big, I better not mess this up. And if any of your listeners were watching the figure skating events at this year's Winter Olympiad, you saw a couple people who were clearly, uh-oh, didn't the Olympics, I can't afford to screw up.

Failure would be really bad. And you also saw a couple people who were, I'm just here to see how well I can skate. I'm just here to be artistic. I don't need a gold medal. I just want to be in the moment and be joyous. Those are the people that won the medals. Oh my gosh. Brother, that's one of the best stories ever on the show.

Because there's a lot to pick apart there. You guys, you know what? If someone makes a point, I like to pick apart things. Did you hear what he said? He said the feeling. Remember earlier in the podcast where I said that it's a chemistry and a neurology? There's a feeling. There's a, when you have the right thoughts, you're creating a neurology, a chemistry in your body.

that is that of success. When you're feeding yourself to fail your thoughts, you're feeding yourself the neuro-biochemistry of someone who's not going to perform under pressure. That's why these thoughts matter. Well, we're recording this, this weekend. I'm a golf guy. Down the street from where I live was the player's championship,

golf tournament. And there's this guy, Cameron Young, he's down by a shot going to the 17th hole. He birdies 17. Now he's tied on the 18th hole. his competitor who's a great player hits a ball a little bit to the right he's going to be blocked out he's going to have to lay up

this guy gets up and you know what he says he was thinking he says out loud there's the biggest shot of his life he says I'm going to hit the greatest drive of my life and he visualized other great drives he had hit prior there's a water to the left there's a hazard to the right he striped a 375 yard drive longest drive of the entire tournament

on the most important hole right down the middle, and he wins the golf tournament. And it's because of the imagery, just what you taught Eli to do, that he fed himself. That is one of the best stories I've ever heard. And I'm frustrated that you did that to beat my Patriots. And I'm going to leave it in the podcast.

So let me ask you my questions. We only have a certain amount of time. I want to give everybody tools as well. How do you feel about cognitive rehearsal and visualization? And if you like it, how does someone get better at it? Well, the second question is very simple. You get better at it as you practice.

Okay. Visualization is a term that kind of implies the visual aspect of seeing something around you or seeing yourself in something. I use the term envisioning slight linguistic variation because in order to basically fooling. your nervous system into believing that you are throwing that touchdown or making that presentation while you are just sitting thinking about it in order to get the nervous system really really dialed in you want to include what might it sound like what might the air be like what am i feeling okay so you know if i'm working with a quarterback and i want him to envisive execution of a play, you know, maybe stand up and have a ball in your hand.

Okay. Okay.