THE ED MYLETT SHOW - If You’re Not Growing, You’re Dying…Here’s How to Stay Ahead

Episode Date: August 30, 2025

👇 SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL - so this show can reach more people 👇 https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIprGZAdzn3ZqgLmDuibYcw?sub_confirmation=1 Click the Link Below to Subscribe to my emai...l list to MAXOUT your life (all value, no fluff) https://konect.to/edmylett If You’re Not Growing, You’re Falling Behind—Here’s How to Stay Ahead In this mashup episode, I sit down with Stephen Scoggins and JP Sears to uncover the raw truth about what it really takes to keep evolving in life and leadership. Because here’s the reality: if you’re not growing, you’re dying. The world isn’t slowing down for anyone, and staying the same is no longer an option. Growth is the only path forward. Stephen Scoggins shares his powerful journey of transformation—from rock bottom moments to building a life of impact—and the systems he’s created to help others break through their limitations. His story is living proof that growth is never about where you start, but about the choices you make daily to rise above the excuses that hold most people back. JP Sears brings his unique mix of humor and depth to challenge us on another level—reminding us that personal growth isn’t just about strategy and hustle, but also about truth, authenticity, and the courage to step into who you really are, even when it’s uncomfortable. What ties these conversations together is the undeniable fact that growth requires discomfort. Whether it’s building discipline, confronting your fears, or choosing to face hard truths, staying ahead means being willing to grow when others shrink back. These stories will inspire you, but more importantly, they’ll equip you with practical steps to expand your mindset, deepen your resilience, and unlock your highest potential. I want you to walk away from this episode knowing this: the gap between where you are and where you want to be isn’t as wide as you think. Growth is available to you right now—if you’re willing to lean in and do the work. Key Takeaways: - Why growth is the only path forward in an ever-changing world - Stephen Scoggins’ blueprint for breaking free from limitations and building systems for success - JP Sears on blending truth and humor to inspire authentic transformation - Why discomfort is the greatest indicator you’re on the right path - The daily choices that separate those who evolve from those who stay stuck - How to create sustainable momentum toward your highest self This conversation is about more than just success—it’s about staying alive, awake, and ahead in every area of your life. Thank you for watching this video—Please Share it and get the word out! 👇 SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL👇 https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIprGZAdzn3ZqgLmDuibYcw?sub_confirmation=1 ▶︎ Visit My WEBSITE | https://www.EdMylett.com #EdMylett #Motivation Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:36 hey everyone welcome to my weekend special i hope you enjoy the show be sure to follow the edmylet show on apple and spotify links are in the show notes you'll never miss an episode that way today we're going to talk about one of my favorite topics and i know yours as well which is the concept of growth and how do we grow more why is it so critical to our lives. And so, you know, I really believe in life you're either growing or you're dying.
Starting point is 00:01:02 I know it's an overused adage, but it's true. In our life, we're really either growing or we're dying. It's part of nature, it's part of the human experience. And too many of us start to get stagnant and we wonder why we're not happier. I really believe one of the pathways to true happiness, to true bliss, to true fulfillment is to always be growing, always be changing, always be evolving,
Starting point is 00:01:24 always chasing the ultimate version ourselves that process should be happening on an hourly and daily basis and it is nature you know as I've said your body has 37 trillion cells think about that 37 trillion cells in your body in fact you have 810,000 cells every second that are replacing themselves in your body just get your head around that for a second 810,000 cells every second are being replaced so just while you've been listening to this several million cells in your body have been replaced meaning something's dying and a new replacement is happening in your body you're growing and
Starting point is 00:02:04 changing all the time even though we don't feel it physically in our body we are growing constantly replacing ourselves on a regular basis my belief is that that same thing should be happening in all the other areas of our life not just on a cellular level but on every level in our life just think about that what's going on without you thinking about it without you being conscious about it you are constantly replacing yourself physically all the time your digestive tract replaces itself every four days your lung tissue literally replaces itself every eight days and every year 10% of your skeleton replaces
Starting point is 00:02:42 itself on an annual basis your bones are replaced at a 10% rate every single year every part of your body is replacing itself all the time and this needs to be happening in our minds as well the more we begin to study how human beings replace themselves and grow the more we understand the requirement to grow in our lives the pathway to happiness is to growth all the time and a lot of the growth in our body is happening without us even being aware of it but in order to grow the external part of our lives in order to grow our identities in order to grow our happiness and our
Starting point is 00:03:14 confidence we have to be aware of it because it's something that we have to take control of every single day and so today we're gonna talk about growing in our life so really what that means is every ten years you're literally a completely different person what I believe is that every year there ought to be a different version of you well my son was very young we were at a car wash when he was six years old it was a defining moment of my life you know in your life there's these moments I think you relate to that you just never forget you just were never the same after sometimes they're just very simple experiences
Starting point is 00:03:43 but max was six years old and we were at this car wash and there was a man there an older man that I had seen there about every single Sunday when I would take little max to this car wash now when I say it was older frankly he was probably what my age is today come to think of it is about my age but at that time he seemed older to me just like for many of you i seem older and um but speaking of age he was reading his newspaper and i'd see him and max was running around he said how old is your son and i said he's six years old and he said and it's true if you're a parent you've experienced this or a grandparent but he said well enjoy that six year old because when he turns seven the six year old is gone
Starting point is 00:04:19 forever and he said and enjoy the seven year old because when he turns eight that seven year old's gone forever and i remember thinking how true that was and but reflexively and i didn't mean to say it in a in a mean way to him but i said sir when did that process stop for you like what age and he just stared back at me blankly he kind of put the paper down and he looked and he was talking to himself he goes i don't know and i said well that should be something you should evaluate and i remember watching him and bless his heart he was a very nice man I remember thinking I don't want that to be me because so many of us in our lives even though our lung tissues regenerating you know every eight days our digestive tract
Starting point is 00:05:02 every four days we're producing all these new red blood cells every day our entire skeletons replaced every 10 years we don't replace ourselves the next best version all the time and there becomes an age for some of us it's 18 years old where the 19 year old's almost exactly like the 18 year old version their life their results their wealth their happiness their faith their fitness is exactly the same for some of us it's the 30 year olds exactly like the 29 year old the 35 year old's life looks so much like the 34 year old's life and this process of growth begins to slow down and in some cases stops all together where we're not replacing ourselves every year I'm obsessed with birth but I'm also obsessed with death I have this belief that someday
Starting point is 00:05:44 when I die I want the Lord to say well done good and faithful servant but I also believe God's going to introduce me to the man I was born to be the destiny version of me the man I was cable of becoming and he's going to say Ed meet him this is the man you were born to be this is who I made you to be this is the person with the experiences the contribution the memories the feelings the confidence the emotions this is who you could have been this is the difference you could have made this is what you could have done with your life and when I meet him my dream heaven to me would be meeting him and we're identical twins hell would be we'd meet each other
Starting point is 00:06:16 and we're complete strangers our lives were completely opposite directions I didn't have the experiences, the moments, the memories, the differences I could have made. I didn't become the man I was capable of becoming. That's held to me, is meeting the destiny version of me and being total strangers. And so the only way we get to that ultimate version of ourselves is by replacing ourselves and growing all the time. This has to become an addiction for you. It has to become an emergency. For too many of us, we'd like to grow.
Starting point is 00:06:47 We'll look into it. Yeah, you're right about that. Yeah, I should get around to it. it's true and every time you don't make it an emergency it's not a crisis you're not in a hurry it's almost like if I don't do this I will die you never get there and the truth is whether you know it or not you are either growing or you are dying and it may not feel like it all the time just like you didn't know your skeleton were 10% of it replaced it last year you don't know the last four days
Starting point is 00:07:14 your whole digestive track was replaced but these processes happen and so you are dying if you're not growing We need to grow. You need to grow and it needs to become an intention of yours. It needs to become an obsession of yours. You can't always acquire the things you want. You can't always just go get the car or the house or the relationship you'd want. But you are in control of acquiring the next version of you. And that requires being uncomfortable. That requires growth. Just like being in the gym. The only way your arms grow or your chest or your legs grow is by intentionally breaking. it down and growing it back up again. This is true in our lives as well. You know, sometimes to grow, we may have to take a step or two backwards. It may get uncomfortable. You know, doing those last reps in the gym hurts.
Starting point is 00:08:02 And I always remind myself, when it's hurting, I'm growing. If it's not hurting, I'm not growing. But we know that intuitively when it comes to physical muscles in our body. But it is also true of our identity, of our confidence of our life. It ought to be hurting a little bit at least so that you know you're growing. avoid the pain run towards it and so how do we grow you know what are some of the decisions mean to make let me ask you yourself a question if I went into the gym and I never put myself in any uncomfortable situations in that gym in other
Starting point is 00:08:33 words it never got uncomfortable lifting the weights would I be growing no so evaluate this for a second how many uncomfortable situations are you putting yourself in right now I mean evaluate the last week of your life I'll even let you look back at the last month how many Really uncomfortable situations are you putting yourself in that challenged you, that grew you, that pushed you to get to that next level of being who you are? Are you under the illusion? And I love you as a friend. But I think sometimes you're under the illusion that you're going to get these external things you want without growing who you are.
Starting point is 00:09:08 You could not be further from the truth. In fact, if you were to acquire those things without growing who you are, we understand the power of identity. You will eventually lose those things because they're not congruent with who. you are as a person so evaluate number one the last week the last month of your life how many uncomfortable situations are you putting yourself in to intentionally grow putting yourself in spaces you're not completely prepared for right that you have some anxiety and fear about are you putting yourself in those situations that grow you know it's true with children why isn't it true with you see children are constantly in situations where they're
Starting point is 00:09:46 learning new things they didn't know before every day in math class every year in algebra every year in Spanish every year in English they're in situations that challenge them that make them uncomfortable that grow them and adults begin to avoid these circumstances and challenges and they grow at a far slower pace and so please put yourself on uncomfortable situations number two what are you listening to what are you reading thank God you're with me here today this is growing you right are you regularly listening to my podcast are you listening to my other audio trainings are you listening to the interviews I do on you
Starting point is 00:10:20 Are you following on social media? Have you picked out a couple great books like my Max Out your life book? You can get this at max out book.com. I'll buy the book for you. Just use the code Max Out. It's on me. Are you feeding yourself the sustenance, the nutrition you need to grow? See in the gym, it's not just about lifting the weights.
Starting point is 00:10:38 There's the other side of it. There's breaking down the muscle. And then there's feeding it with the right nutrition, isn't there? The right supplements. What is your nutrition and what are your supplements? These are the books you're reading. these are the things you're listening to on a regular basis that feed you that help grow you that's the second thing the third thing is who are you hanging
Starting point is 00:10:58 around now I know you hear about this all the time but there's such a power to association there's an incredible power to who you're around you know you have to have a few friends who make you want to clean up the house before they come over that makes any sense to you see I love having those friends where the house can be a mess we can be laying around and eating Cheetos all day long friends are fun but you ought to have a few of me like hey let's pick up before they come over let's make it look right you have friends whom you want to level up for friends whom you want to begin to perform at the level they
Starting point is 00:11:31 believe in you do you have those kinds of associations who are you adding to your group of associations that are friends of yours but simultaneously you want to live up to either who they are or who they believe you are this causes us to begin to grow so you really do need to have somebody in your your life who just makes you a little bit uncomfortable. The next thing is this. You must be intentional and specific about the type of growth you want. We talk all the time about having goals, but I'm talking about being specific and intentional. You show me somebody who goes to the gym and works out to get more fit and healthier compared to somebody who's going to the gym to hit a
Starting point is 00:12:10 specific weight loss goal, a specific body fat percentage. Once they hit a specific number on the bench with a specific amount of reps. Those two people will be light years apart in terms of the growth of their body. One intentional and specific, one general and vague. What are your intentional, specific benchmarks you have with dates to achieve them? There must be a date, a deadline.
Starting point is 00:12:34 Otherwise, it's a wish. What is the intentional, specific outcome and the deadline that it will be accomplished for? This puts your brain into hyperactive growth mode. It puts you into intentional mode. specificity is the key to growth and by the way so is simplicity you must execute and your plan the more simple it is the more easy it is for you to execute having an intentional specific and simple growth plan leads to the
Starting point is 00:13:04 biggest gains in your life the next piece is you need to create momentum and this is the final thing that I want to talk about in life see we've all been ill before if you've ever had the hardship that I have I have I I have a parent right now who's got cancer. And the last thing I want that cancer to get is momentum, or to spread, as you know. And we've all seen this in the negative sense in a disease where someone gets a disease and it spreads.
Starting point is 00:13:31 You get ill and it progresses and it gets momentum. You get an infection and it spreads. The worst thing you want is for something negative to get momentum. On the other hand, the best thing you can have moving towards something that's growing is momentum. In other words, when something is dying, we don't want that to get momentum.
Starting point is 00:13:48 But growth, we need momentum. Momentum is the X factor nobody talks about in growth and in winning that I'm gonna address last today. You have to create momentum. Momentum is what I call an invisible force that takes something good and makes it great. Take something great and makes it extraordinary. Take something extraordinary and makes it a max out level.
Starting point is 00:14:11 Momentum is this force that you cannot calibrate. You can't see it. You can't pinpoint it. And let me say this to you. People's bodies get momentum moving towards fitness. Money can begin to compound with momentum. And lives get momentum. See, if you look at sports, every year,
Starting point is 00:14:28 someone wins the Major League Baseball World Series, or the Super Bowl, or the NHL Stanley Cup. And it is not always the best team that wins. Oftentimes in the playoffs, it's the team with the most momentum that can even beat a better team, a more equipped team. is the team with momentum because momentum is what allows the average to do something extraordinary momentum is a magnifier it takes everything and magnifies it to its ultimate capacity what I can tell you about my life the last 25 years
Starting point is 00:14:59 is I'm a byproduct of growth and I'm a byproduct of getting what I call life momentum and made an average man like me begin to be able to produce extraordinary results it can make a team see every year in the NHL people that are hockey fans will tell you show me the team of the the hottest goaltender with the most momentum, I'm gonna show you someone who's gonna win the NHL Stanley Cup. In football, show me the team that's got the most momentum
Starting point is 00:15:23 or is the healthiest at the end of the year. And I'll show you a team, the New England Patriots seem every year to play their best football in December and January. Every year in the beginning of the year, people write them off, it seems like, ah, they've lost it, they're too old, they're not gonna make it happen.
Starting point is 00:15:37 But they always find themselves in the damn Super Bowl, don't they about every other year? Because they know how to generate momentum. in Major League Baseball at the end of the year. It's not always the team who won the most games that wins the World Series. It's the hottest pitching staff. It's the team with the hottest bats.
Starting point is 00:15:52 The last thing you want are the bats to go cold in the postseason, and you can lose it. Teams that lose momentum lose championships. This is true in every single sport. Momentum is the X factor. It's the magnifier. It's true in life as well. You must begin to generate life momentum.
Starting point is 00:16:09 The way we generate life momentum is with small wins, and we'll begin to stack them. It's like a fire. You've got to get that fire started. You get that fire started. Once it starts, once it sparks, you have to feed it. If I let the fire dole, I've got to keep falling kindling on there. I got to keep throwing wood on the fire,
Starting point is 00:16:24 throwing gasoline on the fire. I see too many people, they get the fire going. They think it's going to rage the rest of their lives and they forget to keep fueling the flame. They forget to keep putting wood on the fire, gasoline on the fire to keep that momentum going. And so in your life, you get momentum by small winds. You're always trying to accomplish these all big old things.
Starting point is 00:16:42 and hunt these elephants get some dad gum rabbits hunt some rabbits get some small wins small wins be get big wins you start getting a little momentum you start getting that first five pounds of weight loss at the gym you start you for you get those first two or three accounts you didn't think you were gonna get or new hires in your business right you start getting that momentum of saving your first thousand dollars your first five thousand dollars the truth of the matter is going from a million dollars in savings to ten million dollars is very difficult but it's nowhere near as hard is going
Starting point is 00:17:12 from zero to a hundred grand that first hundred grants that first thousand that first two thousand that first ten thousand in savings is tough man but once you get some momentum in your life you've all experienced it at some point you got some life momentum you got some momentum in a particular area like wow I'm saying all the right things stuff just fall in my way there's a rhythm to life when you succeed there's a rhythm to success and when someone has momentum they dance to the music and not the words you've all been to the club before haven't you where there's that dude out there dancing and he's not dancing to the music he's
Starting point is 00:17:53 dancing to the words you know exactly what I'm talking about he may even have the right moves but he's completely off rhythm he seems like he's dancing to the words that's how life is when you don't have momentum you can be doing all the right things taking making all the right moves but it's just not clicking does it feel that way sometimes it's like dancing to the words and not the music it's hearing the lyrics and not the beat and in life the same is true you got to dance to the beat you got to dance to the rhythm see there's a rhythm to success there's a pace there's a cadence there's a momentum to it and this is generated by the small winds
Starting point is 00:18:34 and all of a sudden things start falling into place in such a way that it just feels easier it's like pushing something uphill you get to the rock to the top it's so difficult but then it just starts easy downhill now the mistake people make is once it starts going downhill they quit fueling the flame they stop doing the things that got them the momentum in the first place the thing i respect most about teams that win multiple championships say like the patriots is they don't take their momentum for granted see you take someone like steve jobs or mark cuban or chris jenner or any successful entrepreneur you know the mega successful ones they got momentum and they sustained it over decades of time. I know a lot of entrepreneurs, a lot of people in fitness, a lot of people in their money space. They got a little momentum for a while. Then they stopped doing the things that generated the momentum. They stopped growing and started dying with momentum and eventually that dying will kill the momentum. But if you get the combination of momentum and addiction to growth where you're fueling that momentum, the flame gets bigger and bigger and bigger, this is the
Starting point is 00:19:39 key to getting to that ultimate version of you the combination of growth with momentum and again momentum is generated by small winds you've got to do small wins in a short window of time an extra account an extra phone call an extra meeting you start to get some juice going you know exactly what i'm talking about and you get that addiction to growth see here's the mistake people make they generate a little bit momentum but they're not addicted to the growth they fall in love with the momentum and the flame fuels out or they love getting growth but they don't understand the calibration of momentum as its magnifier but the combination in life in business in sports in fitness in fitness in money in relationships in faith in every area the ultimate killer app is growth with momentum i want to
Starting point is 00:20:28 challenge you to be addicted to growth putting yourself in uncomfortable situations reading and feeding yourself the right nutrients how the power of your association and then creating momentum with lots of small wins initially and making that a never-ending process because here's the truth that lung tissue of yours is a never-ending process of regenerating yourself those new blood cells red blood cells happen every day it's a never-ending process isn't it your digestive track your skeleton is regenerating itself your cells all the time is a never-ending process with momentum and that's true with growth too growth is not a one-year commitment a one-month commitment the three-day commitment it's a lifetime commitment to
Starting point is 00:21:13 growth and a lifetime understanding of the secret invisible force of momentum I want to challenge you sincerely harness momentum you do that by being addicted to growth and that combination of the two will produce results for you that are extraordinary you will begin to catch dreams see dream catching has a momentum see I've people ask me all the time did you envision your life to be this way with oceanfront homes lakefront homes jets boats savings are you kidding me absolutely not I'm not that kind of a visionary my first big dream was to save 50,000 dollars and pay off my credit cards I thought if I
Starting point is 00:21:51 ever saved a hundred thousand dollars I would be the richest man who I remember thinking if I get to a million bucks my god I'll never work a day again in the rest of my life right I didn't have that kind of moment that vision in my life But what happens is just like dreams dream catching gets momentum and all of a sudden you wake up when you're addicted to growth and you start getting some momentum on catching your dreams You can wake up 20 30 years later and as I say it out loud to you it's not even real to me that I live ocean front in Laguna Beach. I've got private jets. I've been able to take care of my family I have no debt in my life all my homes. I own debt free. There's no mortgages on my homes isn't that incredible
Starting point is 00:22:29 my jet I own debt free all my boats I own debt-free my and I'm not trying to be materialistic with you I just share this with you all my cars I own debt-free I don't have a payment other than an American Express card at the end of every single month for me to say that out loud to you in this moment still almost isn't even real to me and I I know it's real because I've seen it happen but I also know I'm just an average guy who got addicted to growth got momentum in his life and every area got momentum from my businesses to my wealth to my dreams and you'll begin to catch
Starting point is 00:23:01 dreams three years five years 10 years 20 years from now that you can't even comprehend or envision right now because your dream catching and your vision will also get momentum I promise you there's a magnifier that'll take place in your life if you harness these factors I want to challenge you get addicted to your growth understand to be cognizant of generating momentum and those two to be a never-ending lifelong process will change your life you got to keep your family safe and in the world today unfortunately it goes beyond just having good locks or, you know, and a little alarm dinger if someone comes through your front door.
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Starting point is 00:24:17 monitoring plan and get your first month free. That's simplysafe.com slash my let. There's no safe like simply safe. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. I got to tell you, I'm glad that they do because, you know, People ask me all the time. What do most of the guests on your show have in common? Because there's all these different industries and stories. I'd say the one thing, most of them have been to therapy. And I've been to therapy. I think it's a great thing, whether you've had a lot of trauma in your life and it's extreme and needed to work through it.
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Starting point is 00:25:13 expertise. Talk it out with BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash ed show. That's Betterh-E-L-P dot com slash ed show. very short intermission here folks I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far be sure to follow the Ed Mylett show on Apple and Spotify links are in the show notes I'm going to get right into the topic this week
Starting point is 00:25:37 and it involves this idea of haters and whether you really even have them or are they like this boogeyman so many people are making up in their lives as sort of artificial leverage to have success and if you do have them is it necessarily a bad thing
Starting point is 00:25:51 what's the difference between a hater a critic and feedback And I want to talk about this day because I think it's really important. Probably the most overcooked, I think you'd agree with me. If you listen to any personal development, any motivational stuff, self-help, entrepreneurship content, this idea of prove your haters wrong. You know, it's like everywhere. It's an easy topic for someone to make a meme about, a podcast about, you know, I see on social media all the time, thank you to my haters because you're the reason I, and I get all that. But, you know, I'm old enough that there were no haters when I was young.
Starting point is 00:26:24 have the term. But what I did have is some critics. What I did get is some feedback. And it wasn't until really the last decade or so, but these people started to get categorized, you know, in this sort of, you know, place that's only to be inspired by or moved away from. And so what I'm going to talk about today is the five stages of progress that I've been through in my life, the five stages of success. You know, I talk about this Chinese proverb by love that says, if you want to know the road ahead, ask those coming back. And I've been down this road pretty far of progress. and success and I've lived, you know, over a half century. And so I want to share with you what I think the five stages of progress are. And they don't start with having haters. And so
Starting point is 00:27:05 don't slough off all feedback is hate, by the way. Maybe some of this is stuff that, you know, I needed to hear. And maybe you need to hear. In fact, if I go all the way back in my life, the truth is many of the things my quote unquote haters had to say, there were some validity to some of it. Not all of it. Some of it is just pure jealousy and envy. But some of it was stuff I needed to hear. And in hindsight, they were right. There were things I could have been better at and I could have improved on. And right now it seems like all negative feedback is hate. And that stunts progress in your life that, oh, it's just a hater. No, maybe it's something you need to hear. Maybe they see something you don't see. At the same time, maybe none of that's true. And they're
Starting point is 00:27:45 just very envious and jealous or insecure themselves and they're projecting those insecurities on you. But I mean, how many memes have you seen that's telling you to prove your haters wrong and Michael Jordan would make up stories and Tom Brady had a chip on his shoulder and Dana White's got this thing with his enemies? I got all that and it is leverage and I have been motivated to prove people wrong in my life. But I have to be honest with you, it's not the highest form of motivation is to prove people wrong. It's to prove you right. It's to prove God right. It's to move towards something, not away from feedback. So you can use the dark side and the light side. You can use positive and negative. in pleasure as leverage, but sometimes what we call a hater is actually really good
Starting point is 00:28:25 feedback and stuff we need to hear. And by the way, even if their intentions are to hurt you, it doesn't mean that it can't help you to hear it, right? Just because someone's intentions are bad, it doesn't mean, I mean, when I was younger, when I was younger, people that would say certain things about me, they were doing it because they were insecure or jealous or envious, but it doesn't necessarily mean that what they were saying wasn't accurate. And there weren't things I need to do and prove on. And so don't slough off all this stuff. Not every piece of feedback or criticism is, hey, and if I can be candid with you, the
Starting point is 00:28:58 thing that I see in people is very thin skin, very few people want to be coached. They say they do, but then they don't like the way they're coached or how they're spoken to or they take things very personally. And that's because I really think as a culture, we've become very soft to criticism. And that's unfortunate because when I played baseball, for example, I called it coaching. Like if I were dropping my hands too much, tell me if I were, you know, getting out on my front foot when I was hitting, I wanted to know. If I was making a tactical mistake, I didn't think I was a hater or a critic. I thought it was coaching.
Starting point is 00:29:30 And even if my coach was mad at me when he did it, if the feedback helped me get better, I wanted it. But I really do feel like people are really sensitive to criticism now. And frankly, in my life, if I didn't get criticism and feedback, constructive or not constructive, you know, I probably wouldn't have grown and changed as fast as I did. I love to coach people that are coachable at the speed of instruction, that they've got their feelings out of the way. You know, feelings are something that can really hold back your progress, how you feel about how someone coached you, how you feel about feedback, how you feel about a certain level of criticism. Success doesn't care how you feel.
Starting point is 00:30:08 So I'm talking to you as a really good friend today. Success doesn't care how you feel about feedback. It just wants you to get better. Success is your coach. Success is your standard. Growth and expansion is is requisite in your life. And so don't just take everything that's, you know, hurtful as not true in your life. And so people have asked me, like, was when you had the hater stage, you know, I'll give you the five stages now. There's five stages of progress in your life. But people ask me, it was the hater stage when people were really criticism, critical of you, which I'm sure I still have, the most difficult stage of your life. And it's not. Stage one is invisible. That was the hardest part of my life. Feeling invisible. People disregarding me, discounting me, not seeing me, anonymity. That was the hardest part, feeling like no one cared or took me seriously or paid any attention to me. No one was threatened by my progress or worried about me to compete against. And the invisible stage is the hardest stage of life.
Starting point is 00:31:15 And that is the stage the vast majority of people are at, even listening today. And it's frankly the stage most people never get out of. They never leave that stage. Because that invisibility, that anonymity, that complete disregard for you causes you to believe it. I don't think haters or feedback or critics are what stops most people. I think it's feeling invisible. And most people, as I've said, the vast majority of people never get to the point where anybody's noticing them to pick on them.
Starting point is 00:31:47 And it's that repetitive pattern of I've always been invisible. I've always been average. So I'm always going to be ordinary. No one's ever going to take me seriously. No one's worried about competing against me. No one sees me coming. I think that's the stage that, you know, being. Underestimated is really difficult and what's even worse than that is no one estimating
Starting point is 00:32:10 anything right and that's the hardest stage and it's the hardest stage of where you are the good sign for you is when you get to stage two which is people start to make fun of you that stage two what a great indication you're making progress you are now no longer invisible at least to that one person at least to those five people so the first stage is usually not like hate it's being made fun of it's it's going from being invisible and if you're at that stage right now i can't wait for you to have somebody make fun of you because once you get someone making fun of you you know kind of ripping you like she thinks she's this or that that that you know isn't that cute bless his heart he's going to try did you see how bad he did in that speech did you see
Starting point is 00:32:52 that sales call she made oh my gosh she's hilarious she takes herself way too soon look how he's dressing now right look at him look how he talks look at the words he uses whatever it is look at him going to his little business meeting look at her thinking she's a big deal right that making fun of you stage is stage two of progress in your life and at that stage stage you can discount all of that feedback that's not real stuff that's insecure people around you being threatened by your progress being threatened by your growth and let's just be really honest it's a huge thing. It's a massive compliment. To this day, you know, I'll have, you know, memes made about me. What a huge compliment. You know, something I misspoke on a podcast or said and conflated, you know, a word or two.
Starting point is 00:33:42 And it's a huge compliment. And by the way, here's what is really true. Nobody will be making fun of you that's doing better than you. Critics, that's a little different, which we'll get to in a minute. But the people are like making fun of you, they're feeling really bad about themselves. I don't have any energy in my life at this stage and haven't for a long time to poke fun at people. Fortunately, you know, I'm too busy growing and making progress myself. I have this great saying I've said for years that I, when I was getting that feedback from people, pardon my progress. Sorry, it makes you uncomfortable, right? But if you're getting poked fun of, you're making progress in your life.
Starting point is 00:34:21 And you've moved out of really the 90% pool already. The 90% pool in life is invisible, anonymous. underestimate actually not estimated at all and they're completely disregarded and that's a tough place to be stage one you got to bust your tail to get out of stage one and you can and the indication that you've gotten out of stage one and you're starting to get something going even if there's no money even if you don't have the external results yet if you're being made fun of people are joking about you mocking you right which is stage two the mocking joking made fun of stage you are making progress it is actually
Starting point is 00:34:58 the first external indication that you're making progress. You will be made fun of before you make the money. You will be made fun of before you get the promotion. You'll be made fun of before you get the body. You'll be made fun of before you get the relationship. You will be made fun of first. So people say, and that's when a lot of people quit. They're like, I don't have the external results yet.
Starting point is 00:35:18 I don't have the body that I said I'd have or the business or the money or the whatever I said I'd have, the promotion, the degree, whatever it is, the professional career and I'm being made fun of that's like a double whammy because there's no external proof that what I'm doing is right for me in my life.
Starting point is 00:35:37 Wrong. The mocking, the making fun of stage is the external indication that always comes before the money, always comes before the promotion, always comes before the progress, always comes before the reward is the mocking stage.
Starting point is 00:35:51 So if you're being made fun of right now, you're at stage two of progress in your life and good for you and disregard all that feedback. Stage three, though, is the critic stage. This is when people aren't just making fun of you. Now they're being a little bit critical. And you know what I mean by the difference, right? It hits home.
Starting point is 00:36:12 It hits home. They're saying something like, hey, you're spending way too much time away from your family, or all you think about is money, or you're not paying attention to church anymore, or you're so obsessed, whatever it might. be when's enough enough they start criticizing you which is different than poking fun at you and here's the difference because it's actually deeper it's actually something you're doing and at this stage most people in our culture now go haters haters they're hating i'm going to use it as leverage
Starting point is 00:36:43 i'm going to do this and that is really valid a lot of the time but it shouldn't be your knee-jerk reaction the first thing i think we should be asking ourselves is is there any validity to this is this something I need to hear, even if they are antagonistic towards me. And by the way, some of these people that are critical of you, I remember my dad was critical of me several times. And it hurt me because it was my dad, right? Really hurt me. But he wasn't doing that because he was a hater.
Starting point is 00:37:11 He was doing that because he was concerned. And in hindsight, he was justifiably concerned about some things. I needed to improve. And so people that love you are allowed to be critical of you and to give you feedback. and they should not be sloughed into the category of hater. All criticism is not hate. All feedback is not necessarily to be disregarded. In fact, I'd say it's at least 50-50.
Starting point is 00:37:38 You should hear some of it and see if there's an adjustment that needs to be made. Or your business, you're struggling a little bit and you're being criticized because you're not making enough phone calls or showing up early enough or growing or reading or whatever it might be. You should listen to that and decide, Is this valid? And don't be so dadgum sensitive. Your sensitivity and your feelings may be costing you your dream. Do you hear me?
Starting point is 00:38:05 So, yeah, there are real haters, okay? But can I give you the truth? The vast majority of people are worried about what you're thinking about them. That's what they're thinking about. They're not thinking about you. That's sort of an ego thing. They're actually not thinking about you. They're thinking about what you're thinking about them.
Starting point is 00:38:24 trust me right and so and i can promise you this like i always watch people that are actually somewhat successful still talking about critics and haters it's like man like your game should be so big right now that you're trying to prove something about who you're becoming i don't spend any of my time with that kind of leverage anymore now i get all that stuff there's the famous michael jordan thing where he you know make up stuff and dana white's got this thing about enemies and tom brady was a six round draft pick i get all that i also know a few of that And I can tell you that although that motivated them, what really made them great was their standards, was who they were trying to become, was what they were trying to accomplish, was their vision, was their dream. Was there a part of them, was always had a chip on their shoulder?
Starting point is 00:39:06 Yes. But there was a much bigger part of them that was chasing a dream, chasing expansion, contribution, their vision for their life. They're running down a dream. They didn't have a whole lot of time to spend waiting around and lining up critics. And so I want you to ask yourself that. If you're at the critic stage, this is progress. If you've got critics, you're making progress. Now, there is an adage that's also not true.
Starting point is 00:39:32 I can tell you in my experience where people say, you will only get hate and criticism from people doing worse than you. No, you will only be made fun of by people doing worse than you. But trust me, you'll have some haters, some justifiable haters, who are critics of yours that are doing better than you. And sometimes they're your mentor. And the reason for that is they're threatened. You may take their position.
Starting point is 00:39:56 They're threatened. You may never need them again as a mentor because you're outgrowing them and we'll move on to another one. I have watched very successful people be critical, frankly, haters of people that they lead. And I've watched it. And for some reason, they are threatened by the progress of a subordinate or someone in their organization. who will someday probably do better than them. Great leaders want to see people prosper and do better than them and share them on. People ask me all the time, like, why are you so good to people that, you know,
Starting point is 00:40:31 have not always been great to you? And the reason that I try to be is because it's my standard. When I was younger, I wasn't that way. When I was 30, I didn't have this mindset. I just wanted to win. But now I want everybody to win. And I don't believe when someone else is winning, it means I'm losing. In fact, I know that's not true.
Starting point is 00:40:50 And so if you're at the critic stage, you're really doing something. But by the way, you can be criticized by somebody doing better than you. It's possible. And if that's happening, just understand it. So you've got to distinguish. Is this just a hater? This person is just jealous, envious, insecure, and there's no validity to what they're saying? Then use it as leverage.
Starting point is 00:41:07 Or is there some validity? It hits home and it bothers you maybe because you know there's some validity to it. Some of these criticisms when I was younger would really bother me. And if I really pick it apart now that I'm a little bit older, and currently when I have feedback from friends or whatever it's because it's true or there's some shred of truth to it and so even if they are trying to hurt my feelings i'm going to leverage it to get better if it's just hate sluff it off so that's the the critic stage okay i'm going to take you through the real you're having a real talk today once you pass the critic stage you become very very successful and i'm going to be real
Starting point is 00:41:42 with you this is maybe as motivating as it could be but it will be in a minute trust me but i'm going to tell you the next stage you get to after you're successful and it's they use you stage they use you and you'll then have a bunch of people use you use you for your connections use you for your relationship use you for your credibility use you for your money use you for your access use you for your knowledge use you for your brand use you for whatever and that's the next stage of success you are now successful when people begin to use you and almost all people have had some level of progress and success right now We're going, I've never heard someone say that out loud, and it's so damn true.
Starting point is 00:42:23 And anyone who's ever made any progress knows this. If you want to know whether or not you're making progress and you are now ultimately pretty darn successful, you're going to have people use you and try to use you. And that is stage four. So let's just think about this. There's the anonymity stage, the invisible stage. Then there's the make fun of you stage. Then there's the critic stage.
Starting point is 00:42:46 And then there's the use you stage. and a lot of you right now, I could feel you even starting to tear up. You're like, that's exactly where I'm at right now. I've made some progress. I did have the people make, I was invisible, then had some people making fun of me, then I had some critics, then I grew, then I got better. Now I'm reasonably successful and I'm on my path to my dream and you know what? People are starting to use me.
Starting point is 00:43:07 And it feels one way street a lot, doesn't it? It feels like you're always contributing. See, the law of reciprocity says that you're going to give without expecting anything in return. Some people give so that they can make a withdrawal. And that's the other thing you'll experience in your life. When someone says to you, well, for all I've done for you, you can't do this for me. That means they weren't really doing it for you. They were doing it for them with the intention to leverage that at some point.
Starting point is 00:43:32 And so if you have someone saying that to you, well, I did this for you or for all I've done, those sentences are someone who was not giving out of just to give. They were giving, expecting something in return. Whereas I want people around me, which will be stage five in a minute we'll talk about, that they'll give without expecting anything in return, that they actually really embody the law of reciprocity. But here's the great news. Because we see all these things in life I did initially because no one told me any of this as sort of this road that's just not what you would think it be to success. So I went through this stage many, many years of just being invisible and feeling below average and nobody took me seriously. And then all of a sudden some people started to make fun
Starting point is 00:44:12 me and that meant somehow I was making some kind of progress that was making insecure people really insecure and then a little while later I got some critics some of them were just straight haters you leverage that some of them though were kind of sent by God even in a mean package to give me some feedback I needed to hear and it took me too long to hear it I sloughed everybody off who was critical I was really thin skinned I think you know what I'm talking about I was in my feelings I was real sensitive all the time. But the truth of the matter is, once I started to say, okay, no, that one, that's a jerk. But that one, they may actually be a jerk, but what they're saying, there's some validity
Starting point is 00:44:51 to it, I need to shore that up. I'm not getting in early enough. Or I am doing X, Y, or Z, or I do lose my temper too much. Or I do, there's some validity to that. I need to tighten that one up. That's a valid one. And so that's when you're really growing, is when you sit back almost unemotionally and say, is there something I need to hear here?
Starting point is 00:45:11 Is there something I need to change here? Is there any validity? You can even ask someone else that you do trust. Hey, so-and-so says this. Is there some truth to that? You're not going to hurt my feelings. Please tell me. Is there some truth?
Starting point is 00:45:21 Now, they were just trying to help you, man. Or maybe they weren't. Maybe they're just trying to hurt you. But in that hurt was something that needed to grow you. Right. And then you'll go to a stage where people start to use you. And then you're really making it. And so if you're at that stage now where you're going,
Starting point is 00:45:41 Yep, someone just did that. Or you know what? Six months ago. I thought about this one situation. Or yeah, all of a sudden, and that's just part of progress. And it's just never talked about. I don't think I've heard a podcast or anybody covered the use you stage. And you'll never leave that stage completely.
Starting point is 00:45:59 And then one of the things you have to do is you become successful. And whatever that means, by the way, it may not mean money. It may mean just that, man, you're really in good shape now. Or you're way happier. Or your faith's really good. grown. Whatever it is, when you get to that stage, you have to learn to distinguish when you meet new people. Who are they? Why do they want to be around you? And that's part of being more successful like your being or you will be. And for those of you that are on the beginning of
Starting point is 00:46:30 the journey, this is a podcast you can just remember and listen forever and go, oh my gosh, he told me that I was going to get made fun of after I was invisible. He's right. That's happening. Oh my gosh, now I'm being criticized. That happened. Wow, someone's trying to leverage me and use me now. Yeah. Okay. I remember this. Ed Milet told me about that. And that's the next stage. Stage five, where you're around people who give to give. And I'd call this like the collaborate with people stage, the ride with you stage. And then you'll meet a small group and it will be small as you climb life's ladder and whatever that means to you. money, influence, faith, physicality, spirituality, brand, influence, whatever it is, then you'll find a small group of people who truly want to collaborate, who want to ride with you,
Starting point is 00:47:23 who want to help you, who want to give just to give, and you give just to give to them. And that will be a small group. And when you find that group, that's your tribe. Those are your rider dies. Those are the real ones. And sometimes they show up. think they're that way, and it turns out they're not, always would give you advice to be very, very careful who you allow into your close circle. But when you have those people, that's why
Starting point is 00:47:51 becoming successful is worth it. The first four stages are pretty tough. And by the way, you can experience all five stages at the same time once you're successful. Once you're very successful, you can still have people critical of you that are using you, but that also give and collaborate and love you and stage five is beautiful i remember i'll give me something that i remember when i was younger my dad had very few friends close friends he had some and i remember thinking i almost look down at him for that to some extent like why doesn't he have a bigger life why doesn't my dad have more pals and buddies and you know the guys like other people do and i remember my dad very wise man saying to me goes eddie you know the older you get
Starting point is 00:48:36 the more the circle shrinks, and you realize who truly loves you, who truly believes in you, who truly has your back, who's not there to take all the time, but to give? And he goes, the older you get, you'll realize there's very few of those. And he goes, it'll be a couple friends and it'll be your family. And it won't even be all your family. And I think he's right. You know, the older I've gotten, I've got a great group of people that are in my ride group, my collaborate group, my friend group, but it's hard to get in that group because I've lived
Starting point is 00:49:17 a long time and I've seen this stuff. I hope you can appreciate it like a real talk today. And let me say this to you, it's all so worth it. Because when you make your dream come true, whatever that is, as good as you think it's going to be to make it come true, it's a million times better. And the reason it's a million times better is that fifth group of people that you will have done it with them.
Starting point is 00:49:38 You can't do it alone. You're going to need the help from some great people. You're going to need some mentors. You're going to need some coaches. You're going to need some cheerleaders. You're going to need some people who tell you the truth and you need to be smart enough when they tell you the truth,
Starting point is 00:49:50 not to sluff them off as a hater or a critic, but they're giving you feedback because they love you. See, the only way you get to stage five ever where you have climbed where you want to climb. and you've got that ride or die kind of collaborative group around you is that when you're at that critic stage, you learn to distinguish between someone who's a hater and someone who's trying to tell you the truth about things you need to know to get better and grow. So many people get stuck in the invisible stage, but a lot get stuck in this hater stage
Starting point is 00:50:24 because of all this stuff online about just haters, prove them wrong. There's a lot of validity to that statement. but like anything you can take it in large doses and take it too far and then people become very sensitive very in their feelings very hurt all the time i want my friends to love me but not to accept me as i am i don't want a bunch of people around me that accept me as i am i want people around me as see me as i can be and not accept the standard i've got now if they believe i'm capable of better not accept my low standard of whatever it might be be in the gym or in my faith or in my business life or the content I'm creating or how I treat
Starting point is 00:51:06 people. I want someone to go, hey, Eddie, you need to hear this man and I love you. And I needed to be smart enough at the critic stage to go, that's someone that actually might be in my ride or die group because they've got the guts to tell me the truth about me, where everybody else just yesses me to my face and criticizes me behind my back. I want the person who sits down and goes, bro, I love you. I love you. So I'm going to tell you something difficult you need to know, right? and they tell you, and you need to be smart enough to go, that's just hate, you're jealous, you're insecure, maybe not. Wouldn't it be terrible to get to the end of your life
Starting point is 00:51:39 and God had sent you some messengers in your life that were there to give you the message you needed to hear and you didn't hear it or listen to it because you just thought they were a hater? Right? Maybe they truly love you and you need to hear it. By the way, maybe they don't and they're trying to hurt you, but you still need to hear it.
Starting point is 00:51:59 And then, of course, there's the group, where they're just jerks and you should sluff it off and prove them wrong, but that ain't everybody in your life. And I think I've made some real progress in my life by being able to make that distinction. You say, Ed, well, how do you know? You don't initially. But I think the way you most likely can determine it is internally and praying about it going, was what they said true? Is this bugging me so deeply because there's some validity to it? Or is it bugging me because it's just totally not true and they're misunderstanding me? And by the way, if you're consistently misunderstood, I need to change the way you behave and communicate because that's a you problem.
Starting point is 00:52:35 And as I do podcasts like this, as you know, I'm talking to me. At 53 years old, I'm going to be candid. I'm open the door a little bit for you. I don't like having my feelings hurt. I don't like being sideways with people. I don't like criticism. I'm one of these people that if we were friends and I'd done something to hurt you, man, I want to fix it so quickly.
Starting point is 00:52:56 I'm just not good. It's crazy because I'm an intense person. I'm terrible with conflict. I don't like being in conflict. It bothers me so much. And I don't know what that comes from, something in my childhood, probably. But all of my friends that are listening to this that know me, they'll tell you, man. It's just I want to fix it.
Starting point is 00:53:13 I want to make it right. And by the way, I'm capable of hurting people. I'm capable of losing my temper or saying something I shouldn't say. And, man, I want to fix it as quickly as I can. So I want you to know that when you're going through these stages, it's awesome. The only stage that sucks is the invisible stage. It sucks because it's an indication that you quite haven't made the progress and grown the way you need to. And you need to make a statement.
Starting point is 00:53:40 The only way people are ever going to believe in you and support you and support you and believe in you first. The only way you're ever going to get people, people say, how do I get my spouse to support me? You've got to do something. You've got to step up and prove something. People are watching you. They're watching you. And I can tell you that when you begin to make progress, there's going to be some people come on board. but there's also going to be people make fun of you.
Starting point is 00:54:00 It's going to be people criticize you. Then there's going to be people that use you. But then there's those people that will collaborate and love you and believe in you and support you. And they're the ones that help make your dreams come true. And as I said, it's a million times better. And not for the reason you think. Most of the dreams you want to make come true, they're going to feel pretty good.
Starting point is 00:54:16 But it's not those dreams. It's actually the dreams you will make of the people that you love who haven't even had the dream yet. There's someone in your family who doesn't even know they need you. But when you become very wealthy, you're going to help. them with a medical situation. God's going to bless you like that. There's there's a there's a situation there's someone in your family doesn't been born yet and your success or your example is going to inspire them. There's someone in your family who's going to need something really bad.
Starting point is 00:54:41 You're going to be there to give it to them and right now that's not even your dream or your vision. The great part about making your dreams come true is the dreams that you'll make come true of the people that you love who don't even know they have those dreams yet or haven't even been born yet. That part you're like wow. Added bonus amazing. The other bonus is that when you get there, there's some people you can look in the eye and go, man, we did it. We did something great together. I couldn't have done it without you. Thank you for your help.
Starting point is 00:55:06 I love you. Man, we did something great. We maxed out, right? It's having that group, whether that's your spouse or your family or your friend or three or four people or your team and your company and there's eight or 10 or 12 that you know were the key ones that were there in the hard times. They stuck it out when you're almost out of business and they still believed in you and they picked you up and you're going to quit and they didn't let you, right?
Starting point is 00:55:26 and then you look each other in the eye when you won and you go, man, we did something great together. That's awesome. People ask me all the time, you know, when I played sports in high school in college, like, what do I miss? Man, I miss my teammates. I don't miss practice. I don't miss, you know, all the grind of the travel. I miss my teammates. I miss that look on the bus on the way back or in the dugout. Like, hey, man, we did it. This is awesome. Man, this is awesome. No one thought we were going to do this, right? And all that stage, and ask any athlete, athlete was at one time invisible then people made funnable then they had critics then they had people come around and use them and then they won and when they won they've got mentors coaches friends
Starting point is 00:56:08 family that small group of people that it's so worth it and so that's my thought on the five stages of success and do you really have haters and who are they which ones are they and to be really really careful hopefully this wisdom these ideas give you food for thought And then ask yourself, what stage you at right now? You had the invisible stage? That's okay. Every successful person was once invisible, once felt average, once felt discounted, once thought everybody's underestimating me, or not even estimating me at all. Every single successful happy person was made fun of.
Starting point is 00:56:44 Not most. All. All. Every single successful person had critics. But the successful ones didn't slough them all off as haters. They listened to the feedback and decided whether it was valid. and made course corrections and adjustments where they should and then use the actual haters as leverage.
Starting point is 00:57:03 Every single person who has become successful and anything has been used and taken advantage of and had people leverage them. Are you at that stage? It's a stage no one talks about till today. And then there's the collaboration stage, the ride stage, the make your dreams come true stage.
Starting point is 00:57:21 The reason you live stage, to be really honest with you, is that group of people that make you, better that love you but don't accept you as you are say let's grow let's get better let's push each other let's make something great happen i believe you're so amazing i think in this one area you can get better right i i want my friends to accept a lot of things about me but not all of them there ought to be some area they're like man you're better than that come on let's roll right and so that's what to me it's all about in life is to do something great and as someone who's
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Starting point is 00:59:48 Gambling Problem Call connects Ontario 1866-531-260. 19 and over. President in Ontario. Eligibility restrictions apply. See golden nuggetcassino.com for details. Please play responsibly. Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Be sure to follow the Ed Milet show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. I have this saying that I used for years when I was coming up in business. It was sort of a tongue-in-cheek thing that I said, but anytime I would catch any flack from people about, oh, you're too focused on business or, you know, you just want to be, you know, the criticisms you get. You just want to be rich. or, you know, when's enough enough?
Starting point is 01:00:26 All the things that anybody trying to do something great with their life is constantly getting criticized with by people who aren't. And people who aren't are threatened by your progress. They're not threatened by your perfection. Listen to me. They're threatened by your progress. And then what they will do is criticize your lack of perfection and use it against you.
Starting point is 01:00:47 And if you're focused on trying to be perfect, it hurts. Let me say all of that to you again because it's never been said to you this way before. It is your progress that is threatening the people around you that are criticizing you in private and in public. And so what they're going to criticize you with is not being perfect. They'll set an impossible standard up for you. So you're making progress in your business. Well, you're not a perfect mom anymore.
Starting point is 01:01:13 You're making progress financially. Well, you're not getting everything knocked out in your faith that you're supposed to. Or you're so obsessed with getting in shape and training so hard. You're blah, blah, blah. suffering. You're not perfect. And they'll point out your lack of perfection because you're making progress. So I had this saying when I was coming up in business all the time, pardon my progress. Sorry it bugged you. Pardon my progress because I'm going to make progress. The other thing is it got me focused on the right thing. You're not going to win every sales call. You're not going to win every
Starting point is 01:01:43 meeting. You're not going to be rich in 35 seconds. You're going to have tremendous setbacks in your life. And if you're focused on getting things perfect and getting every sales call right or every meeting right or saying the right thing all the time and having everything in balance in your life and being completely perfect and you're a perfection person, you will make no progress. And so my ambitions, even very early in my career, were not particular destinations. They were growth. That's why I say growth over destination. If you become so destination obsessed that the lack of that place that you have to imaginarily get
Starting point is 01:02:18 to causes you to not grow, when the very thing that's going to cause you to get to that destination, is growth. So progress over perfection. Assume this, know this. If you're a great leader, John Maxwell says this, you're probably not going to have two great days in a row. Right. What you want to be focused on is getting better. That's why when you don't get a sales call right or something feels like a setback, if you're making progress from it, meaning you got something you've learned from it. So you go, I'm not going to make that mistake again. I'm not going to say that again. Well, I learned a big thing there, that's growth over a destination. That is progress over being perfect. Long ago, I gave up the notion that I was going to be perfect. In fact, I think people that are perfectionists,
Starting point is 01:03:01 listen to me. I think you're an egomaniac. And you go, no, I don't have any self-confidence. That's why everything's got to be perfect. You really evaluate that. I think it's your ego telling you you you got to be perfect. Once you surrender, you're going to screw up. And by the way, let me tell you something that's going to help you. Everybody's screwed up. Most everyone is just trying to figure things out. Most people that you see are just doing a better job of faking it that they got it all together than you are. People have been on my show, the most famous, successful people in the world in about every area, sports, acting, entertainment, business, fitness, mindset, scholastics, you name it, parenting, whatever it is. They're all still trying to figure
Starting point is 01:03:42 it out. The best of the best in the world. Here's a stat for you. I just saw on social media. I think the best tennis player I've ever seen. And by the way, I think Pete Sampras was great. He was a neighbor of mine for a while. I think Djokovic is amazing. Nadal. But for me, when I want, I love to Bjorn Borg. If you follow tennis, I love to McEnroe, Jimmy Connors. I'm a huge tennis fan. But the most beautiful dominant player I've ever seen is Roger Federer. He's just the best for me. You could argue it's the other couple guys or whatever. But for me, it was Roger Federer. And I think if you ask them, they tell you it was Roger Federer. Here's a crazy stat. He just said it. He won like 80. I'll mess this up. 84% of his matches. So he won a lot of his matches, 84, but he only
Starting point is 01:04:23 won 52% of the points. Did you hear that? He won 84% of every match he ever played, but only 52% of the points. That means every other point he was losing. Every other point he was losing. But unlike people who then would lose the match, Roger would get information out of that lost point. Oh, this guy went on my backhand over here. I got to cheat a little bit to the backhand. Or I see how he's spinning the serve differently. And he would get information and he would grow, he would grow out of what most people thought was a lost point or failure. And what it was really, it looked like a loss, but he was making progress. So he didn't get the destination that he wanted, which was to win the point.
Starting point is 01:05:04 But what he did is he grew from it so he could win the match. The whole idea in life is to win the match. But it's how you deal with the lost points and not having to be perfect. You imagine if Roger Federer got frustrated on every point he lost? It would be every other point. Then he would have won none of the matches, which is why most people lose the match of life. Because they can't deal with the lost points. They can't deal with the criticism, the feedback, the negatives, the idiots, the small people with small minds who project their small lives and small thinking onto you.
Starting point is 01:05:38 That's one huge thing to deal with. Now you know why they're doing it. It's your progress. and they're going to nail you with not being perfect. So when you see it coming now, you know what it is. Then there's the other type of person. They can't deal with the missed sales call, the financial setback, the person who quits, the person who screws them and take advantage of them.
Starting point is 01:05:56 If you're going to win, just get ready. All of that's probably going to happen to you. But the greatest player of all time in tennis can tell you right now, he won most of his matches but lost every other point. Is that crazy? Because his losses, he got something for the loss. right he got something for the loss he got information a lesson a move something from it knowledge of how the other person moved his competitor what he would do differently next time
Starting point is 01:06:25 maybe he learned what not to do oh man don't hit that second serve to the right side because this dude just has a return that smokes it so i've got to hit it to the other line whatever it is or i got to get to the net faster i got to take behind the baseline further he's deducing information when other people think it's a loss he's making progress he's expanding rather than being stagnant. Let me say it to you again. Progress over perfection, growth over the destination, expansion over stagnation. You got to keep moving. I can't teach you to drive a parked car. Keep moving. Keep making progress. Keep adjusting. It's these small adjustments. It's not massive changes you need to make. It's small fine-tuning things that are the
Starting point is 01:07:06 separator. The difference between winning and losing in life and business is so small. It's almost too scary to talk about. But we got to talk about. But we got to talk about. about it. I have this saying I say often. I'm addicted to the expansion of my being. So if you're going to get around me, when I was 33, when I was 33, when I was 23, I'm now 53. I'm addicted to expanding. What can I learn? How can I be a better man? How can I have better thoughts? How can I help more people? How can I have more fun? How can I have more bliss? How can I have more joy? How can I bring that to other people? How can I have a deeper understanding of my faith and where I'm going when this is over and the meaning of my life. I'm addicted to the expansion of my being
Starting point is 01:07:48 and I hate being stagnant. See, I think a healthy person's like a running river of life. The water just keeps running. It's not perfect. It evaporates some of it. It hits the rocks. It bounces the wrong way. You can't control most of a running river, right? Or a waterfall or a rapids, right? You can't control all of that stuff. Right? But I want that. in my life. What I don't want to have is stagnation. What happens in stagnant water? It starts to get mold and fungus in it. The mosquitoes start to gather. It starts to stink. It's just, it turns the terrible brown, you know, that ugly, murky color of water where the dirt starts coming up to the top. Nothing worse than stagnant water. It's one of the most unhealthy places in the world. But running
Starting point is 01:08:37 water, the river, the flow, the waterfall, all of that stuff, well, that's, that's some of the most beautiful things in the world there's a beauty to the movement to the expansion and by the way to not knowing where it's all going not having a sense of total control over all of it once you give up this idea that i've got to have total control everything i've got to be perfect i'm not going to start until i know everything right i don't want to make mistakes can you imagine if roger federer said he didn't want to make mistakes you imagine if i said i'd want to make mistakes Michael Jordan missed 70% of the three-point shots he took in his career. 70% roughly, give or take, 5%.
Starting point is 01:09:15 Think about that. Every three-point of the guy took, he missed seven of them. He quit shooting, right? Or was so worried about what people would say when he missed. But what he was interested in was making progress throughout the game, learning from the miss, right? If you're learning, you're not losing. and it's something that so many of you have to get over in your life.
Starting point is 01:09:38 I think the most important thing you say is progress, growth, and expansion. Progress, growth, and expansive. PGE. And if I'm doing those things, I'm cool. And I could tell you where I am today in my life, whether, you know, I'd love to be further along in different areas, clearly. But it's because I've been obsessed with progress, not perfection. I've been obsessed with growth. How can I learn?
Starting point is 01:09:59 What can I read? Who can I get around? Who's got the directions? In this case, what podcast should you be listened to? I think it's this one, right? How do I expand? What do I learn from this setback? How do I reframe and reshape this experience so that it serves me?
Starting point is 01:10:16 You know, there's been huge failures in my life. And I'd like to tell you, I wouldn't take any of them back. I'm sure there's a couple business. I wish I would have done differently. But you know what? I learned the lesson. I'm not going to do it again. I didn't go into this thinking it was going to be perfect.
Starting point is 01:10:34 I'm under no illusion that life is easy. I actually believe usually if life is going really, really easy, you're probably not making progress. You're probably not growing. You're probably not expanding. And it's sort of like that water that stagnates. It feels pretty good for a while because you know where it is. And it's calm, right?
Starting point is 01:10:56 And it's not a lot of loss. They're not running over the rivers of rocks of life. life but then slowly but surely those people that you think have those lives that are so cool because nothing's happening that life starts to collect stuff that doesn't want starts to stink starts to not look so good and i think the lives that are lived the best are willing to not be in total control of everything all the time they're willing to live as a learner they're willing to make mistakes they don't take themselves too seriously i really believe believe that perfection thing is an ego thing. You're obsessed with what people think about you.
Starting point is 01:11:36 And it's your obsession with what other people think about you that will ultimately cost you your dream. It's this obsession with what people are going to think. It'll cost you your dreams. It'll cost you your destiny. Whereas if you could just get to the point when you make mistakes, learn from them, and actually, and sometimes laugh at them. I've done so many stupid things and said so many stupid things in my life that it's actually kind of laughable sometimes. But I've said a lot of good things, and I've had a lot of wins, too, and I've helped a lot of people. I'm willing to give myself a little bit of grace because I'm human. I don't take myself that seriously.
Starting point is 01:12:14 This is really, we're all playing with house money here. If you're listening to this, more than likely, you live in a part of the world where you can make an impact on your own destiny. If you're listening to this, more than likely, more than likely, most of you could get access to medical care if you needed it. More than likely most of you had a meal today. Not everybody. And if you're not one of those people that has those things, I hope in any way, shape, or form my work will help you get to that baseline level. Because I have met a lot of you that have come to events as I'm living in my car right now. I'm sacrificing everything.
Starting point is 01:12:53 And I understand that. I learned recently when I was a little boy that we were on welfare. I didn't even know that as a little boy. And so I pray for you that that situation changes. And I can tell you how it's going to change. Progress, not perfection. You growing and learning and getting better, not just some destination. And you focused on expansion.
Starting point is 01:13:15 I can promise you that and not being stagnant. I've hit a lot of the destinations that I have. I'll just tell you what happens when you get there. a healthy person has already thrown out the next one and sometimes I've seen people get to their destination and it's not all it's cracked up to be and they're some of the saddest people in the world I mean it people have told me man once I make a million dollars then blah blah blah and I've seen them get there and then when they get there if they don't have another destination because they weren't into growth I could tell you that the arrival is not what they would
Starting point is 01:13:49 think it is. And when they get there, they're actually disappointed. And I've watched a lot of people get to that income or that destination or that house or that whatever. And then they get stagnant. And everything they thought it was going to be, it wasn't. Now, here's what is even better than you think. Getting to that destination and then still growing and not being stagnant. And maybe it moves where your growth isn't financial anymore, but it's spiritual or physical. Maybe you got there and you sacrifice a little bit of your health to get there. And so now you got that financial goal. You know, now you've got this thing that you're obsessed with doing in your body or in your faith. But if you get stagnant when you get to a destination, it's a very sad thing. Because you did
Starting point is 01:14:33 all the work. You're like, this is what it was. This wasn't worth it. And so what is worth it, more than you can imagine is making your dreams come true, but being in a constant flow state of dreams. It doesn't always have to be more money or more stuff. In fact, it can never be money or stuff. It could be how much you're going to give. It could be your faith. It could be all kinds of different things. But something that will disappoint you tremendously is getting to a destination and then having nowhere to go from there.
Starting point is 01:15:00 Because guess what? You have to bring you with you. I remember my first big dream was to have a nice home that I could pay off. I remember my dad telling me, hey, Eddie, that's great. But just remember this. When you get to that mansion, you got to bring you with you. And if the you you bring with you when you get there, this is me talking now. if the you you bring with you when you get there isn't someone who's expanding isn't someone who's making
Starting point is 01:15:22 progress isn't someone who's still growing in some area you'll be miserable with that person i believe a life of misery is one that's got no progress no growth and no expansion no matter what the destination is okay so you've got to have some area in your life that's making progress growing and expanding in order to stay happy that again doesn't have to be money in fact for most of you, it won't be money. It'll be in your faith, in your spirituality, in your physicality, and your growing, in your contribution. It'll be in those areas. But I can tell you this. Making your dreams come true with no growth, with no progress, with no expansion is very overwhelming. Here's the good news. If you make your destinations in your life, but you have
Starting point is 01:16:07 somewhere to make progress from there in an area, growth in an area, expansion area, it's a million times better than you think it is. I can tell you that. The cool thing about making your dreams come true isn't even the reason you want your dream. The truth of the matter is it'll be all the dreams you make come true that you don't even know you're going to make come true from people that you love. Some of them may not even be born yet. I didn't know that I'd make the dreams come true of certain family members of mine. Why my first dream was about me?
Starting point is 01:16:34 It was about me. I was young. And when I got there, that was cool. But the things I've been able to do for friends and family that I never dreamed of, that they never dreamed of when I did it. Heck, most of them didn't think I was going to able to do it in the first place. but being able to do those things for the people you love and care about some of them haven't even been born yet some of the people's dreams you will make come true have not even been born yet and someday 20 30 years from now
Starting point is 01:16:58 after you've made all these big dreams come true and you keep expanding and making progress and growing you'll make the dreams come true of people that haven't even been born right now that's when you go god is awesome there's a harvest that i'm reaping when i'm planted all those seeds back in the day and i can just tell you that you plant enough seeds there's a harvest but the harvest will trip you out. The harvest is not what you think it's going to be. That harvest usually blesses other people in ways you can't even imagine. The key thing is that while you're harvesting,
Starting point is 01:17:27 you're still planting some type of seeds in some area of your life so that there's abundant harvest still coming. But those are you that have the blessings of the things, you're playing with house money. You're playing with house money. This is all a great, beautiful game that you can win if you just don't take it all too seriously. right what matters most in your life is inside how you feel if you're a person of faith
Starting point is 01:17:50 living by whatever that means for you and go into the place you want to go someday that's what matters the most and that's what is progress i can promise you no matter what your faith is you guys know that i'm a christian but whatever your faith is i can promise you it's not predicated on you being perfect i can promise you that's an overriding message as a matter of fact in your faith is that you don't have to be perfect and you won't be. I can tell you that the idea is to grow in your life and to expand, but someday you could be at that destination. And it's certainly not to be stagnant.
Starting point is 01:18:25 It's to expand and to give and to contribute and to help. And when you're feeling the most helpless, get the most helpful. I can promise you that if you get the most helpful, there's a huge, huge upside for you in your life. And so today, re-evaluate all of these things and give yourself credit and make sure people know, pardon my progress. I'm just getting better. I'm just growing. I'm just expanding.
Starting point is 01:18:52 I'm just learning. And you know what? You're not going to stop me. No setback. No nothing's going to stop me from getting back up and growing again and learning again and expanding again. Nothing's going to stop me from doing that. And if you can stay in motion that way like that running river, and you never completely get stagnant, not for long periods of time.
Starting point is 01:19:13 Eventually, you're going to like where that river flows. You're going to like where it ends up. I know that it ends up in a beautiful place because the beauty isn't even where it lands because it's always going to keep moving. The beauty is in the ride. The beauty is that ride down the river. It's just awesome. And I can tell you that I've just become addicted to that ride.
Starting point is 01:19:32 And if you'll go on that journey, if you'll have those thoughts, if that starts to dominate your mindset in this matter so deeply, all of a sudden the criticisms kind of fade away. Are they really doing that much themselves? Really? You never thought you're going to be perfect anyway. And I can promise you this, when you do have that big success someday,
Starting point is 01:19:52 the noise that thunder makes when you win drowns out these critics, these goofy mistakes you made, these setbacks. The truth is that when I think about it, I can remember all of my setbacks. I can't. Really painful times. Like the time I tried to pull $20 out of an ATM and it wouldn't give me the money out because I didn't have $20 in there. Time I had to beg for gas. The time my electricity has been turned off multiple times. Cars repossessed. I had the water turned off.
Starting point is 01:20:20 I've had all kinds of setbacks. I've lost houses. You know, I had my cell phone turned off all early in my life. But I can tell you, once you win, you don't spend a lot of time thinking about that. Now, if someone asks me or I'm doing a podcast, I can go back there. But once you win, that kind of gets erased. Your day-to-day mindsets about your day-to-day life then and the things you're doing then. So what I guess I'm saying is, this two will pass one way or the other. I just want you have a victory for all the pain you're going through. You should be getting something for your pain. You should be getting something for these difficulties. You should be getting something for these critics. Let them underestimate you. They underestimate you at their own
Starting point is 01:21:04 And someday they'll tell you, oh, I knew you were going to do it. I just believed in you from the beginning. And you'll know better. And you can just give them grace and smile back at them. Tell them, hey, here's the keys to the lakehouse. Go enjoy it. If you choose to. Very short intermission here, folks.
Starting point is 01:21:20 I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Be sure to follow the Ed Mylett show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest. Depth of this man sometimes can be even hidden by the humor, but you're going to get all of it today everybody so jp sears thank you for being here brother ed thank you for having me out brother it is beyond an honor to be here i'm i'm a fan of years i have been since day one and i'm so grateful to now be a friend so man there's nowhere else
Starting point is 01:21:51 i'd want to be one of the hardest laughs i've ever had is a video well a lot of years or other your videos but one of them is jp does this one skit where um it's like appropriate conduct at a personal development self-help event. And it's one of the different things you say, you know, like, it's just, it's hilarious. But let me down the road, because what was funny about that for me was, and go see this video, guys, we'll scroll it in on the YouTube right now so you can all see it. But, but make me think about something that's an area I want to go. I've never gone on here with somebody, but I know because of the way you nuanced things
Starting point is 01:22:24 you can. And that is that the personal development, entrepreneur, self-help, life strategy space, you can get to the point where you're addicted to your point of consuming the content and never actually taking the actions to physically change your life. You know what I'm saying? Almost like, I don't want to say seminar junkie, but kind of, if you know what I'm saying. And so there's a fine line between that. I think you would agree with me. What would you say to somebody who's like, they've consumed a lot of content? They've read every Wayne Dyer book. They've been to every Tony Robbins event. They've gone to my things. They've got a life coach. What would you say to somebody
Starting point is 01:23:02 like that. I know it's a hard thing to say because maybe the time hasn't come, but what would you say about that? You know, I think the most important thing is being aware that self-improvement can become the path of self-diminishment, depending on how you relate to it. And I think the path we take to find ourselves will eventually become the path we lose ourselves on if we stay attached to that path. So, for example, I remember in my 20s, I read so many books. And that was a path I was finding myself on. It was truly improving me. And then it became an escape mechanism where instead of like going out and living life and facing the challenges and applying what I was learning, I was staying in the comfortable protection of the prison of continuing to do the same
Starting point is 01:23:57 thing I was. And it took me a while to recognize like, oh, I'm like, I'm actually diminishing myself. And this is all self-improvement books. So it's easy to rationalize. Yet, man, I think a paradox of life is the seasons change. The path we take to find ourselves will eventually become the path we lose ourselves on if we're not willing to upgrade the path based on not what anybody says other than our heart's calling. It's just like, you know, when we look at the farmers farming their fields in the springtime. I see them applying fertilizer, plowing, planting, watering. Dude, if they keep doing that, that will kill their fields.
Starting point is 01:24:40 But they know the right strategies in the spring, then the summer, and they're doing the opposite strategies in the fall and the winter, they're realizing not doing anything is what's best. And I've been the self-help junkie where every weekend I've got to go to another seminar, workshop. I don't take a bowel movement unless I have a book in my hand. That was before the social media. So, but like now I'm in a time in my life where I've probably read two complete books the past year. And I'm so, I'm so interested in learning, yet I'm finding like, wow, when I'm not buried my face in someone else's opinions of the world, I'm getting
Starting point is 01:25:26 more in touch with my own opinion. So it's like I'm learning about life more through connected conversations and seeing how the lens of my own eyeballs reports life back into me. So, you know, the late great Ram Dass once said, you can't get out of a jail. You don't know you're in. And I think the way you framed up the question, Ed, you brought awareness for everybody about a jail that they don't know they're in that they don't know is even a possibility but when we know it's a possibility we can really better recognize when we're in that jail of protecting ourselves through self-improvement classes books and all the things yeah it's so good like you know the way you say it too is is um you know i think about thoughts too and you know sometimes
Starting point is 01:26:20 experiential learning is the best learning which is really that stage of your life you're at i think your point is if it's serving you and it's growing you continue to do it but when you're aware that you're at a point where it doesn't and the same thing is true about thoughts don't you think like I've had thoughts in my life that served me at different stages yeah continue to drag these thoughts into this new stage of my life some of them are no longer thoughts that serve me anymore don't you agree to that amen the people I like to have friends and learn from are the ones that disagree with her past self and they're the ones that are they have so much courage they're willing to be so bold with their thoughts their actions and their voice right now even though they know
Starting point is 01:27:04 their future self is going to disagree with them that's the bad side of getting wiser your wiser self will disagree with you now but you know we don't need to do it shamefully we live in an age where just for goofy reasons, we look at politicians who change their mind. They're like, dude, they're a nut job. They change their mind. It's like, dude, you're a nut job if you think it's wrong to change your mind. But we can look at it with compassion and growth and evolution. And I look at myself when I was nine years old.
Starting point is 01:27:34 I was in third grade. I disagree with so much about how I interpreted the world when I was nine years old. Yet I look at my nine-year-old self with great reverence and compassion. of course you saw the world that way and thank you young JP for having such an open mind to allow my mind to expand so that I can think what I think today and be who I am today because when we vilify changing our mind
Starting point is 01:28:03 that's like saying cool I'm in third grade this will be the ceiling and I won't change I'll always have a third grade mentality so that I can stay consistent Wow. One of my favorite things ever said on the show right there. Like, think about that. What if you were back to your third grade cell? But if you think about it, the way that you describe it, too, it would almost be nightmarish. I'm 49.
Starting point is 01:28:27 It would almost be nightmares that if I arrive at 60 and I agree with everything the 49-year-old agreed with. Like, what was the point of those 11 years? Yes. It would be about exploration and growth and spiritual awakening and insights and, my gosh, that's so flipping powerful. And on that, gosh, man, that's really good. Like, I don't want to agree with me. I think sometimes we think changing of one's mind is somehow a negative thing. It's one of the most positive things you can have.
Starting point is 01:28:55 I look at very few things. My foundational ethics are very similar to when I was 25 or 28 or 30. But things that were important to me then, thoughts that served me at that time for that stage of mind about competing and winning served the 30-year-old me. It served me at that age. At 49, I love to collaborate. Collaboration and connection is far more important to me at 49 than it was at 29. And by the way, for some 29-year-olds, that's the most important thing for them right now.
Starting point is 01:29:25 And at 48, it's going to be competing in some sport they find at that age, right? So, wonderfully said. And you also have this analogy because I've gone through it. I talk about it a lot of a midlife crisis. It's kind of a similar train of thought. I write my book about my daughter teasing me about having a midlife crisis. I'm like, I have. I've had several of them.
Starting point is 01:29:46 But I think there's people here that are at 25 or 30 or 35 that maybe a midlife or early life crisis would serve them in some way, don't you? In my opinion, hell yeah. The alternative is we suffocate in the coffin of our comfort zone. But the crisis is the caterpillar inside who's really transformed and not a caterpillar anymore. It's the butterfly. The crisis is the butterfly having the urge to get the hell out of what was. That's the cocoon. What was? That might be old beliefs. That might be old relationships. It might be an old job. I mean, largely, it's like beliefs. It's so much an
Starting point is 01:30:28 inside job. In the crisis, in my opinion, the voice of the crisis says things can't go on as they are. Yeah, please don't let them. Please let yourself change. And I think the more we stay rigid through our certainty of what we believe, I've got to say consistent with who I've always been and what people expect of me, the more we do that, the more intense the crisis needs to be to create the motivation to get the hell out of the cocoon that we spun for ourselves and I'm actually kind of scared about what my next crisis will be because like it sounds great when we're talking about it and we can be all glorious like you know I've learned so much from my crises you've gone through many and like we can look back post game it and be like
Starting point is 01:31:20 dude that was the best thing that ever happened yet to be freaking real when we're going through it feels like the world's going to end to us and that's why I believe to live the life of self-realization growth, fulfillment, we have to be willing to feel scared to death. Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Be sure to follow the Ed Milet show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest.
Starting point is 01:31:50 What I will say to you is this notion that, hey, questioning or being curious about your faith is somehow a lack of it. Boy, the reverse is true. Curiosity. Listen, I'll give you an example. I'll mess this up by a number or two. asking questions, okay? Asking questions matters.
Starting point is 01:32:08 Do you know how many times in the Bible Jesus asked questions? I'll get it off by one or two here, but let me just say this to you. Jesus in the Bible asks over 300 questions. Do you know how many answers in the Bible? Three. So in the Bible, Jesus is asking questions. So he is teaching us through his example that it's healthy to ask questions. It's healthy to be curious.
Starting point is 01:32:30 It's healthy to understand more. This notion that I better not ask anything, I better just, you know, stay right in my lane. Yeah. Well, that doesn't grow your faith. What grows your faith is a relationship. And relationships are questions and answers and contemplation and prayer. And so I wholeheartedly encourage people to ask more questions and be more curious about their faith because it'll expand and grow. Well, I actually think if you're not asking questions about your faith, your faith is probably dying.
Starting point is 01:32:56 You're probably got more doubt, more doubt than anything. And you know, imagine any relationship you have. Imagine any relationship, brother, where there's no questions being asked. That's a dying relationship. It's not a relationship. Yeah, it's not a relationship. Yeah. I was telling my, I was telling my kids, this number of years ago, but I had this epiphany.
Starting point is 01:33:11 One afternoon, I went and spoke somewhere. And, you know, at the end of it, there's often folks that want to talk to you and stuff like that and, you know, talk about the presentation or whatever. And I had this interesting epiphany. And the guy was like, you know, inside of your presentation, there were things that calls me to reflect, calls me to question, calls me to do this. And I said, well, that's because I've discovered that questions, open hearts and statements close them. Very good. Very good. Very true, too. Oh, I do. Well, and think about, all right, so I've, I've built several businesses now.
Starting point is 01:33:45 Yeah, I know. Different scale of different ones. But I've done my best to be a good dad, done my best to be an absolute good husband, done my best to be good to my team. Totally screwed that up early in my business career or totally egocentric than anything else, right? But through all of that, that scenario of getting to the question asking myself, ooh, that brings back something in your book, man, that just fired up. Sorry, I came up myself. You actually asked a profound question that was center around a question. And it was, do you ever ask questions of the questions that you ask yourself? Oh, dude. Yes. I got me right here. So let's go into there for just a minute. I do it a lot. I'm constantly evaluating the questions I ask myself, because to some
Starting point is 01:34:31 extent, I don't know if it was Tony Robbins who said it first or me or whoever, it doesn't matter. The quality of your life is the quality of the questions you ask yourself, because I actually have a chapter on thinking. What is a thought? A thought is the process of asking and answering a question to yourself. That's what it is. So if you can change the quality of the questions you ask yourself, you can change the quality of your life. So I'm always evaluating that. What am I asking myself? And they have changed over time. To your point, like about being ego driven you know i think oftentimes when i used to speak when i was younger walking to a board meeting is like how can i impress them with me that was the question i was asking myself how can i impress them
Starting point is 01:35:03 with me how am i going to leave here where they want me back or and then over time those questions changed and morphed into eventually like how can i serve and then it then it moved like how can i honor god and still in the service of these people and so the quality of the question has changed over time and i'm evaluating that a lot i'm asking myself that honestly right now i'm towards the end of sort of promoting my book. I've got this new TV show. And I'm asking myself different questions right now. Like, I've always asked myself the last four or five years, where am I making the biggest impact? How can I make the biggest impact? Yeah. And you know what? I'm going to give myself permission to ask a different question. And by the way, I just told my wife this this morning,
Starting point is 01:35:41 and I said it last night to her, I've got another week or two of really running hard. And I said, by our 25th winning anniversary is August 2nd. And I said, you know what? I'm giving myself the gift on our anniversary, amongst other things. I'm going to give myself permission to ask a new question, which is what of the things that I'm doing make me happiest? What doesn't bring me joy anymore? Because you know what? Some things have a season in their life. I'm going to evaluate all of it.
Starting point is 01:36:01 My businesses, my podcast, my speaking, my relationships, you know, every single thing I do, which of these are bringing me happiness and bliss and which of them no longer do? And that'll change the quality of my life by changing that one question. Yeah. Now you gave me a food for thought. Now I've got to go reflex soon. This is over. Appreciate that.
Starting point is 01:36:21 Well, you do that. I've been in your world. You're immensely successful, you know, and, you know, if you want to have the same life, repeat itself, keep asking the same questions. You're going to keep getting the same answers. And just for me, I'm 51, you know, been married 25 years, a number one book, number, TV show, that stuff's like, okay, what of these things, not just make an impact, because I'm making an impact, but what of them make me happy?
Starting point is 01:36:42 Maybe it's okay to ask about me finally at 51 years old. I've never really done that. You know, which of these things, though, when I look at them on my calendar, I go, I can't wait to do that one today. And you always know what your calendar. You know, you look at it. You go, gosh, I got this 3 o'clock. And by the way, I've worked hard enough to afford myself now the luxury of asking that new question.
Starting point is 01:37:04 When I was 30 and climbing up, I didn't have the luxury. I had to do stuff I didn't want to do all the time. But damn, and I've worked for 30 years to not work the next 30 doing things I don't want to do anymore. Yeah. And it just finally occurred to me. I'm going to change my life a little bit with a new question. That's so good. That's so so, so good.
Starting point is 01:37:22 Well, the few minutes we got left, talk to me about this new TV show. I know it was in the works. You were working on it kind of behind the scenes going into the event. A lot of stuff was going on. But I haven't got the update. What's the latest? Well, I got an NDA on it, so I can't go too deep. But it will be out the end of August, the beginning of September.
Starting point is 01:37:39 It'll be on streaming platforms. Originally, I think I had a show that we were going to do on primetime. COVID kind of derailed out. We've shrunk the showdown. But it's really about changing people's lives is what I can tell you. And I've got about 30 minutes to do it. And so you'll see people from every, you know, people from that have gained a bunch of weight, like I said, people that have special needs children. And it's sort of, you know, dominating their
Starting point is 01:38:02 life. And how do they have a life in addition to that? I've had couples that have cheated on one other. Someone on the show whose husband was killed in a car accident, she's got a five and a four year old. I've got a former world class athlete who's lost his identity, a children of an alcoholic. I have one that's going to win an Emmy, I believe, where this 16 year old boy was kicking out of his house by his stepfather and they hadn't talked in a year and a half and we try to reconcile the family and so it's called change it is amazing i have to say this last thing to you when i was broke and down in my life everyone hears these old stories of me i would say i was living at my dad's house and all day long i'd watch jerry springer and mori povish yeah and you flash
Starting point is 01:38:41 forward and you know i'm recording my show and i'm in that studio having my own show changing people's lives the exact studio that their shows are shot in is now that's insane dude And it's like, I was just like, my gosh, like the lowest point in my life to now flash forward. If you'd have told me a million years ago laying there on the couch at three o'clock in the afternoon going, hey, dude, believe it or not, there's going to be a point where you're going to be in that studio with your name in the lights doing your show. I'd be like, what the? Yeah, right, dude. So anything's possible. And that's how you know there's a God in heaven, because I ain't that good.
Starting point is 01:39:17 So there's got to be God doing something right, working in our lives. This is the Admiral Show.

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