THE ED MYLETT SHOW - Inky Johnson: The Resilience Formula

Episode Date: March 19, 2024

Resilience, courage, and unwavering determination are the 3 words I’d use to describe today’s interview with my friend Inky Johnson. Inky was on the brink of realizing his lifelong dream of playing professional football when a catastrophic injury during a game for the University of Tennessee changed his life forever. In a fleeting moment, his promising athletic career was halted, leaving his right arm and hand permanently paralyzed. Yet, what Inky chose to do in the aftermath of this life-altering event is nothing short of remarkable. Instead of succumbing to despair, Inky transformed his greatest setback into his biggest breakthrough. Today, he's not only an acclaimed author and entrepreneur but also one of the most compelling motivational speakers, touching the lives of people across the globe, from elite athletes to top executives. Inky's narrative is a powerful reminder that our greatest trials often pave the way for our most significant triumphs. In this episode, you’ll learn about: Inky’s journey through the shock and realization of his injury and how he found the strength to face his new reality. The pivotal role of patience, faith, and an unwavering belief Insights into leveraging adversity as a catalyst for uncovering and utilizing other gifts and talents. The importance of unconditional effort Lessons on leadership The critical distinction between expectations and standards The indispensable value of joy and happiness These insights offer not just hope but practical strategies for anyone facing obstacles, big or small and will leave you with lots of things to think about as you fight through battles in your own life. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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my life is here. It's a man that I hold in the absolute highest regard as a man. He's somebody that I look up to, that I admire the way he lives his life, the way he conducts himself. He is also, a lot of you ask me all the time, who's your favorite speaker in the world? And for me, it's this man right here. I think he's the best speaker that I've ever seen

in my life, I told him he could read a menu in a restaurant and I would just melt. He's so good. And this conversation, he's gonna change your life with the great Inky Johnson. Inky, welcome back to the show, brother. Man, thank you so much, man. You mean a lot to me, man.

Like I just, I shared that with you prior too, but I wanted to share that camera as well, man. You mean a lot to me, man. This moment means a lot to me. I'm grateful for you, brother. Thank you. I am. I feel that. Yeah.

I accept it. I accept it. I just wish we had more time together. No doubt, man. We'd run into each other a couple times a year. So my audience, I gave you this pretty big intro so we need to deliver. And you're somebody who, the way you frame your life, the way you think about life, every time you speak it just feels right to me.

And it actually shifts my perspective. Almost every time I hear you speak about something, even just right now, we're out there standing looking at the ocean together at my house, it shifts my perspective. And you had an event take place in your life that kind of turned you into this version of you, right? That your perspective's unique on. And I don't know that everybody in my audience knows the story, so I want them to know.

I'll just set the stage for this. Some of you say you didn't grow up with a lot of money. Let me tell you right now, this dude did not grow up with a lot of money. And he became a tremendous athlete. I'm going to fast forward all the way to the college days. He becomes a tremendous athlete. This guy's playing defensive back at University of Tennessee. He's a first round pick. I mean, his life is dialed in. Everything's going to be great. Millions of dollars, going to change his family tree forever. And then what

took place? September 9th, had an injury in a game against Air Force. I went to make a routine tackle. Fourth quarter, two minutes left. At the point of contact, guy's helmet hit me between my shoulder and my neck. Sent my shoulder one way, neck opposite way. Ruptured the sphlaven artery in my chest, the main artery, tore the nerves from my spine,

automatically paralyzed shoulder, arm, hand. They had to save my life that night. Woke up the next day, I'm paralyzed. Six incisions down my left thigh. One incision across the left side of my neck, one across the right, twice through my right ribs, cut out my right pec, bottom armpit to the bottom of my hand. 350 staples in my body.

Career over. Life changed. Most people would say, do y'all just hear that? He just gave you a very quick version because I asked him, I got so many things I wanted to ask him today. But actually it was more powerful the way you just did it. It was just bang, bang, bang, bang.

Let me ask you, most people when that happened had to be, ain't I so sorry, oh my gosh, your life, are you okay? What was your, this perspective stuff with you is everything, right? What was your initial feeling and then, you know, soon thereafter? What was your perspective about it? Initially, I didn't think it was real. Right, because when you put in work, and you know, man, like when you put in work and

you know, you sacrifice and people help you along your journey to get to a certain point, you hear things can change in an instant, but it's like you live life with this thought process that, yeah, but that don't apply to me. That doesn't apply to me. And so even though I knew it was career and then injuries in the sport, I never once thought about it. Right? And so when it happened, it was kind of surreal and it felt as if it was a bad dream. I tell people often, Ed, the part that people don't know is I remember for weeks every day

going to sleep like six, seven o'clock in the evening thinking, man, when I wake up tomorrow, I'll be able to feel my arm again. Right, because it felt like I was in a bad dream. It felt like it wasn't real. Even though I was operating and doing certain things, I was out of the hospital, I was going to work, I still felt like, man, this can't be. Like, this can't be real.

Right, and I would wake up and I would touch my arm. Man, I still can't feel it, right? And I'll never forget, I got to a day in the football complex to where I just broke down. And it was the most freeing day of my life, tears. And I just released it. And I was like, okay, man, you gotta embrace, you gotta adapt to a new normal.

You gotta figure out a way to use this and you gotta close that chapter. It's real now. And for a while, I felt as if it wasn't real. And when I embraced it, when I was like, all right, man, it's real, I shifted my focus and my perspective to the space and place. Okay, how can you use it?

How have you used it? I would say more so, like when we go through adversity and opposition, I think that's the one thing we all have in common as people. And the beautiful thing about adversity, opposition, change, uncertainty, more times than not, it elicits the same emotions, right?

And so a person may look at my adversity and opposition and on the surface you can see it. Paralyzed right arm and hand, arm smaller, like you can visibly see it, but we're all wounded to a certain extent. You just can see mine, right? To a certain extent, I know the thing that we can both identify with.

I'm dealing with some adversity, you've went through some adversity or you may be dealing with some adversity. And so how I represent myself, how I share about my adversity and opposition, how I deal with it, I have an opportunity to impact you. And so for me and my perspective about it, I tell people often, Ed,

I never looked at it as a tragedy. Never. Never. I didn't have the time to. Right, and so every single day it was process, process, different device, different hospital, different doctor's office. I didn't have the time to.

And so I'm in the presence of so many people trying to help me, which I'm grateful for. I couldn't bring a certain energy to that environment. Yeah, yeah, but you, I get that. You've said that to me before. I'm like, that's just remarkable to me. But then I go back, I'm like, okay, I just, I'm thinking you were this close.

Millions of dollars are gonna come in. You're gonna be able to take care of your family finally. Right? Was there, do you ever, at any point did you look back? Cause I, you know, comparison is a thief of joy. Right? People say all the time. I wonder two things about that. One, did you have moments there where do you ever, at any point did you look back, cause I want to make a comparison as a thief of joy, right? People say all the time. I wonder two things about that. One, did you have moments there where you're like,

man, I was weeks away, months away from changing my life. And then the other thing, I've never asked you this before, so answer them both together. Do you ever dream that your arm works? Oh, absolutely. You still do to this day. To this day, man. And...

You will wake up from a dream, and in that dream, your arm was working. Definitely. Interesting. Definitely. And it's just things that, just the simple things, man. Something that was a big deal to me when I was young. And I was like, man, I can't wait until I get my children one day when

I have a family. And this is when I was a young man, like 15. And I didn't grow up in a house with my father. And so I was like, man, I can't wait until I get my family and I have my children and be able to throw them up in the air and catch them and hug him my mother, hug him my wife, hug him my children with two arms. Like that's something that the average person doesn't think about. For granted.

Right? I hug him every single day, but it's times after my daughter performs at a cheer competition that I wish I could just run up, grab her, toss her in the air and catch her. Right? It's times when my son does something, I wish I could just go over, grab her, toss her in the air, and catch her, right? It's times when my son does something, I wish I could just go over and grab him, toss him up, be like, ain't, man, you crushed that, right?

And so I think about that, and speaking to the point of, wow, man, speaking to the point of the disappointment piece and, you know, what happened to me when I say I don't view it as a tragedy, I was disappointed, but I didn't view it as a tragedy, I was disappointed, but I didn't view it as a tragedy. What's the difference?

That's good. Right? Tragedy, I felt as if I would have looked at what happened to me as a tragedy, it would have created a certain level of bitterness. Yeah. Right? And there's nothing wrong with that, right? That's a very real emotion.

But I was more so disappointed when it didn't happen. I was like, man, I put in all this work and got that close and it didn't happen. Like, if I could be honest with you, I was like, like, God, like, man, let me make it. Yeah. Then something happens. Like, let me, I put in, in, we're gonna do it right now.

Like, let me cross the finish line. And so it was more so a disappointment. It wasn't looking at it as a tragedy because I still had life. You're the best speaker I've ever heard, right? Thank you, Murphy. But ironically, I probably would have not heard you ever speak

Had this not happened. We would have never given a platform. So it's amazing how God works If we're faithful like you've been like you had this other giftedness. I mean, I know you were really good defensive back You're probably one of the better ones in college But you're a better speaker. I don't care how good a football player you were, like I know who the best speakers are, right? And once in a while people do say me, right? But I'm gonna tell you, for me, there's three or four people when they speak, I just literally stop.

Like for example, with this man's work on social media, there's very few people's stuff on social media that I just, I stop and watch. I'm not, I watch every video. If I catch one of Inc's videos, I watch it to the very end very end It's not one of these, you know, you scroll through social Yeah, some people have this thing about them with me that that's their energy their character their Vibrational frequency, whatever it is. Holy Spirit when you speak I'm like glued and so I wrote down today I told you it is some work some of the things that you by the way some of them you will probably forgotten

You said, you know, I do people ask me stuff, I'm like, I'm not sure how I finished that sentence last time. But I wanna ask you for a few things because there's some stuff that you talk about that, let me tell you what I do. From your social, I will sometimes literally walk from it and just go make a note for myself personally. Things that you say, that's how deeply you influence me

and impact me. And one of the things that you talk a lot about is patience. Because I got to think when this injury happened, you know, it required some patience to get to this point. And for me, I'm a very, very impatient person. I think with social media today, with this, I want to be successful right now. I want the boat right now. I want this, you know, the house, the whatever. I want the life right now. I want the body right now. Patience is kind of, it's like a virtue that nobody talks about anymore.

Absolutely. So I'm curious about your viewpoints on patience. Yeah, I think you hit the nail on the head, man. We live in a world and in a society to where people teach and talk to you about the grind, people teach and talk to you about the hustle, people teach and talk to you about going out, man, a long hours to sacrifice, but nobody talks to you about the hustle. People teach and talk to you about going out, man, a long hours to sacrifice,

but nobody talks to you about patience. Right. Right? And I believe in the concept of you judge each day by the harvest you reap, not by the seeds that you just sow. Right? And so for me, when I speak to patients, like when I had to be patient in the midst of my injury

and the opposition and adversity I went through, there were certain things that came to me in solitude that if I was moving, I wouldn't have got them, right? And what I mean by that is, I remember my mother saying to me, a guy said to me once when I came on a pivot, he said, man, when life starts spiraling, what's something that you say to yourself or what's something that you do

that helps you come back to center? I said I'll never forget man when my mother told me at certain points in life when opposition adversity and things are spiraling sometimes you have to get quiet so you can hear God. The guy said does that mean sitting in a room turning off the light? I was like no. I said what that means is going to the space in place to where you can come back to center and recalibrate and bring to the space and place to where you can come back to center and recalibrate and bring yourself back to the point to where you feel as if you got a grip on the adversity

and the opposition and the challenges that you're dealing with. And so for me, patience is a part of the formula to help us become the individuals that we're destined to become. Grinding is great. Work ethic is great. All of those things are awesome.

Nobody talks to you about patience. That's so true. And that's where we make the mistakes. Societies have been destroyed because of lack of patience. Marriages have been destroyed because of lack of patience. Relationships with our children have been destroyed because of lack of patience, right? Companies have been destroyed because of lack of patience.

Some of the most talented people in the world lack patience and as a result, that's where we make the mistakes. And so I was pressing home patience because I was like, and nobody talks about patience. They do not talk about it. The other thing they don't talk about, so I told you guys what today would be.

I told you, right? The story is unbelievable, but the wisdom that's come from this man, there's just certain people, this is gonna be so corny to tell you this. You got, you and I are both men of faith, we're both Christian men, but you got a, you got like a Yoda Gandhi thing about you.

No, you do, and I don't know if it's because you just, you live a particular way or because of the injury, or I don't know what it is about you, but there live a particular way or because of the injury or I don't know what it is about you, but there's, I'm telling everyone, I want them to follow you because these things have impacted me. I mean, even a lot of the speeches I give, I think it's probably something I've heard you say

and then I've like flipped it into something. You know what I mean? No, I'm serious. And one of the things, one of them is, I went to speak at a, I won't say which college football program, but you had been there the week before, right? I'm like, oh man, I gotta follow this dude. Right?

No, I'm serious. And you had crushed it everywhere you go, you crush it. And so you had done an unbelievable job. And I asked the guys afters who were having lunch, they want to talk about my talk. I'm like, I want to know what Inky said. No, I did. I swear. And there was this talk and this point, and by the way, I've repeated this to my son

No less than 60 times and I want you to speak to this today I want everyone to hear this listen close you're driving in your car Turn this up a little bit you on the treadmill turn it up a little bit because I think this is a separator one is patience It's like a hidden invisible secret, right? Because it caused you to have discernment and make decisions in the right rhythm and cadence at the appropriate time. When you lack patience, something I say to you may be completely appropriate in the right moment when I wait for the moment. If I don't show patience, I say it too soon, it's the wrong time. Having said all that, here's what you would cover with this team. So hey guys, as you know, I've partnered up with my good friend, Brennan

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and our good times. The difference between conditional effort and non-conditional effort. Do you remember what I'm talking about? Okay, they need to hear this because I think a lot of people's effort is conditional. Right. And great people, and to your point, you know, the people that you wanted to play football with but I want to play in life with, it's not so conditional, so speak to that. Absolutely.

Yeah, I think when things are conditional, it's predicated upon situation, circumstances, and what you give. Yeah. I'll never forget getting to college and seeing guys that were so talented and gifted and they would tap out for whatever reason and I remember having a Dialogue with the guy in our locker room. He was like ain't I'm done and I'm like bro like Like you got the world in front of you man

You so talented so get what you mean you're done? Like, you're tapping out. Like, you here, you got every resource on the planet. Like, you're tapping out. And I, two more years, man, you can... He's like, yeah, I'm done. He was like, I don't like the way they talking to me, eh? I was like, cool, I got it. He's like, but you said you're a man, right?

He's like, yeah, I'm a man. And that's where I get the, you want to be treated like you have to double treat. You want the warm oatmeal raisin cookie. You want them to pat you on the butt every time you do something great and say, great job. Nothing wrong with that, cool, right? But that's conditional.

If you say what I want you to say, if you give me what I want you to give me, if I get my jersey number, like, but that's not real life. Life doesn't play by those rules, right? at a certain point you got to have a level of integrity level of character to where when you do cannot be honest with you Ed I just um I got on my son last night right about practice and a guy was trying to figure out like and why, why you on him like that? Like he could play?

Pretty good little athlete. Why you on him? He just had a little practice. I'm like, no man, that's where you become great. Like you don't become great in the game. You become great at practice. Kenny Smith said a quote that was so phenomenal. He said, champions do daily

what everybody else does occasionally. Champions do daily what everybody else does occasionally. Oh, right. Champions do daily what everybody else does occasionally. Right? Our character is what we do daily. Our reputation is what we do occasionally. Conditional. That's reputation. Character. That's non-conditional. That's how I show up, how I operate, how I do things, how I treat people. Right?

Like, I can vouch for Ed Milet no matter where he is, no matter what the situation or the circumstance is, because he's not conditional. That's who he is. It's not predicated upon situation and circumstance. I tell athletes often, you think it's a dual mentality. You think, oh, this is me the football player, this is me the person.

No, it's you as an individual. It's not me the athlete, me the football player. And so I think when we talk to conditional and non-conditional, you gotta show up, man, and it's gotta be who you are. Like in the inner cities of America, we got these things where we say, it can't be on you, it's gotta be in you. it can't be on you, it's gotta be in you.

It can't be on you, it's gotta be in you. And that's our way of saying, when you show up, man, it can't be conditional. So good. It has to be who you are. You know how this applied for me, the reason it's so important for me. Cause I'll hear, by the way, the kid that told me the story,

I said, how's it applied for you? He goes, he said something I'm never gonna forget. He goes, you know, a lot of you guys will prepare really, really hard if you're the story. I said, how's it applied for you? He goes, he said something I'm never gonna forget. He goes, you know, a lot of you guys will prepare really, really hard if you're the starter. Definitely. But if you're the third dude coming off the bench, you don't prepare as hard because this condition, you're probably not gonna play anyways.

And he goes, and I said, that's gonna take you the rest of your life. And then the difference of the score, playing 100% balls to the walls when it's, you know, 13 to 12, but you're down 42 to six, all of a sudden you don't hustle the same, or wanna make that tackle the same. For me, because I'm not a college football player anymore,

I heard that and it stayed with me. Many years later, here's where it came up for me. I had a tendency in my life that the way I treated you was conditional on how you treated me. Hmm. And I think most people live their life that way. And I was like, well, then that's not really who I am. I should treat someone in spite of how they treat me.

And it showed up, I've got a viral post a few weeks ago, but I thought about you, I'm driving in the car and this dude kept cutting me off. You've always had that guy, you know that guy. Then he's yelling at me, then he's honking, then he gets behind me, he's riding my bumper. Then he wants to race. I mean, 99 out of 100 times in my life, I'm like, look at him, Beffer.

I'm giving it back to him, right? We're both in cars. But this has been important to me, what you said, and my treatment of this man is not going to be conditional on his treatment. I mean, that was an extreme example, but I actually maintained my composure. I stayed peaceful, I stayed with equanimity, when I found out ironically, that frustrates them more than anything because they wanted to get this other side of me. But you got to ask yourself that everybody, where is conditional effort, conditional

treatment showing up in your life and eventually it's gonna cost you somewhere, a relationship, a business, you know, preparing every single day to communicate like you and I do I do that on days I'm not speaking not just on the days I am right and so it shows up in every area Well, you're the one who came up with it. Not me. Yeah, that's so good But it made me think about something what you said when you talked about the incident the car it made me think about something in terms of Like this is what I realized years ago.

So I was watching something from Phil Jackson when he spoke about Kobe, and he talked about his talent. He was like, man, he's so talented, so gifted. He said, but he went to the next level when he wanted to know the nuances of the game, how things worked, like, how to do things, right? How things would work if I did this and did that. And it made me think about this.

I remember he spoke about a call that Jerry West called him and said, hey, Phil, I was just talking to this Kobe Bryant kid, man, and he wanted to know how back in the day we were scoring 30 points and doing this, but you guys got this triangle offense, right? And Phil said as soon as he hung up the phone, he was like, oh man, I'm going to have a problem. Like I run the triangle offense to try to keep things restricted, disciplined, I'm going

to have a problem. And so he said the next time he talked to Kobe, he realized that Kobe just wanted to understand how the Jerry West and the guys do it. How do they become efficient and effective at doing it, right? And what it made me realize in terms of our encounter when we speak to conditional and non-conditional, I realized with me personally, when I deal with a person, oftentimes years ago I started to realize I never think about what that person may be dealing with. Right.

When I have an encounter with a person, I just think about how that person may be dealing with. Right. When I have an encounter with a person, I just think about how it makes me feel. What happens, what transpires, conditional or non-conditional. I just think about how I feel in the moment, right? Based upon what they just did. I never think about, man, what may this person be going through? Yes.

Or dealing with that's making them react or act in a certain way based upon the condition or the situation That we're in there experiencing or encountering Right and it takes a person to a different level when you move beyond talent We're using talent because of the situation But when you move beyond talent and you want to understand the nuances of how things work Yes, right. What may they be dealing with? What are they going through? So good.

That made them react or act in that way. Here's what's crazy, five minutes before you got here, I'm gonna do one of my Thursday episodes on parenting. So I'm studying these different parenting clips. And this is incredible that you just said this, and I'm just gonna reinforce the point. So I found this clip of Oprah Winfrey's interview in Mr. Rogers.

Wow. That's a weird clip. Right? But I'm like, wow, this is interesting. It was on parenting. I'm just doing some prep because I wanna make a good course on it. Anyway, Oprah says, what's one tip

you could give all parents to be a better parent? And he said, remember what it was like when you were a child. How did you feel? What was it like coming up? It made me think like, what if I started to think through that with other people? What if I remember what it was like when I was offended?

Remember how I felt when I lost? Remember how I felt when my relationship ended? Remember how I felt when I won, when I was rejected, when I was disrespected? And if I could think that, if I remember how I felt when, right? I don't know what that guy in the car was going through that day maybe he just lost his job maybe his girlfriend broke up with him maybe he just missed a bill right

but if I could remember what I felt like because I've also been that guy I've been the agitated guy I've been the pissed off dude remember what it feels like to be that person and that's exactly what you're saying it's like by the way this is what everyone you're welcome that this is free today because this is like a success and life masterclass that we're going through here. I'm gonna go through some other things too with you. You speak to all these different college football programs. They're great organizations. So most people that are listening to this are leading something. They lead in a

family or they're leading a small business or a big business or something. They're leading something. You've been with Alabama's, you've been with the Clemsons and you've been with some pretty good teams too. We don't need to name the pretty goods. Absolutely. What's something you've observed with the really elite leaders programs that's just the subtle,

because to me, I've spoken all over the place. It's very hard for me to tell the difference when I go into a top 30 team, but you do a lot of it. I do a little bit of that. What is one thing you've noticed? it standards is it processes it? What is it that separates the best? Organizations from the pretty good ones that you've been in to speak to you know It's been it's been pretty cool because I'm a student right like I tell you all the time man like I look at everything

Mannerisms how someone speak I look everything. So when I go to these organizations and been going to them for years, I watch everything. I remember going to Clemson and the first time I went down the slide, right? In the facility, Dabo got the slide. I'm like, man, this is phenomenal. Go to the back, the basketball court. Every facility has their thing, right?

To where's the top of the line. And then you start to watch them in meetings, right? I remember one of the first times I was in a dabble meeting, I was listening to them speak man and they were talking about life and then they got to football and it was phenomenal. I remember going to watch all these guys at Tennessee, Georgia, Kirk, I was watching them like, man, this is phenomenal. And one of the things that I learned was everybody had a different recipe, right? But the standard was the standard.

And you could feel the standard, right? And when I say you could feel the standard, when you went through the building and how guys operated and how guys protected their brand and what it was about, it was phenomenal. You could feel it, right? When I say you could feel it, I'll never forget Sabin walking down the hallway and guys just had a certain respect in'll never forget Sabin walking down the hallway and guys just had a certain respect in that facility for Sabin. I'll never forget going to speak at Georgia

when Kirby walked in the room, it wasn't no jiving around, it wasn't guys talking, everybody locked in front and center. I remember seeing Dabo come out, the energy that he brought. And I was like, everybody has a different recipe, but the standard is the standard in all of these places, and they operate and they lock into it differently.

Let me ask you a question about it. Let me ask you a question about that. You have content that says the difference between an expectation and a standard. Absolutely. I told you, I listened to everything. What's the difference? Expectation is external, standard is internal, right? Standard, like this is us.

This is who we are, this is how we operate, this is how we do things, right? That's standard, like this is us. This is who we are. This is how we operate. This is how we do things. That's standard. We go out in the community, like this is who we are. Expectation, that's external. That's what they say about us in the paper before the season. They had a lot of success last year. Let's see, can they follow it up? That's expectation. That's what they create. The standard is what we create. That's what we operate by, right? That's our guide. When we show up, this is who we are. That's not predicated upon what they say.

It's not predicated upon the weather. It's not predicated upon rain, sleet, or snow. This is how we get down. This is how we operate. Rain, sleet, snow, come hail or high water. This is our standard. Right? Expectation, that's predicated upon external factors. Our standard, this is internal. This is who we are. This is how we get down. I told my producer

before he walked into that, I said, just so you know, you're ready for one of the best podcasts you will ever heard in your life. And now they know why. I'm ready to run through a wall. I wish I could, I told Coach Prime last week, I interviewed Coach Prime, I said, I think I have probably a half a season of eligibility left. I'm 52, I don't know if you need a corner or a strong suit. But I wanna run through a wall right now with you.

What does process is the voice mean? What does that mean? Process is the voice, man. It's that thing in your head, yeah. Process is the voice, man. It's that thing in your head, man, when you start something. It's gonna help you finish it. Because when I think process, personally, I think finish. I look at life as a process.

I was reading a book, man. It was a Harvard Business Review. And it was talking about post-traumatic growth, right? And you talk about the term, Ed, you ever heard the term? And I'm sure we've all heard it at some point, and it talked about the term, if it doesn't kill me, it's going to make me stronger. And it talked about that term originating from post-traumatic growth, how a person can go through a level of adversity and opposition, and how most people are resilient by nature. And so when they encounter certain things,

they're resilient, they'll get through it. But for most people, they'll get through the adversity and the opposition, but they'll go back to the same behaviors, same habits, same routines. And instead with post-traumatic growth, these people go through adversity, opposition, challenges, and on the other side of it, they have post-traumatic growth because they give the adversity, the opposition, and the trauma a narrative, right? And they go out into the world and

they use it. And so for me, when I think process and I think finish, for me, adversity, opposition, challenges, I look at it in terms of it's just post-traumatic growth. Finish, right? Everything that happens along the process, finish. So I can have the chance and opportunity at post-traumatic growth to be something different. Right? That's where it comes from Ed when I say my arm and my hand is paralyzed, my heart isn't. People thought it just came from a place. No, I gave my pain a narrative. Right? My arm and my hand is paralyzed. My commitment level isn't.

Right? Commitment. Stand true to what you said you would do. Long after the move that you've said it in has left. Finish! Process. Finish! Right? What is commitment? Stand true to what I said I would do. Long after the move that I've said it in has left. Finish! Right? A champion is built on the other side

if I don't feel like it. Finish! Right? That's what process is to me. It's finishing. That's the voice that says, no matter what you encounter, it's gonna be a process. Finish it, man. The reason you feel something when he speaks is because he lives this. I don't think you can transfer to somebody

that which you really aren't experiencing. And so like the fact that you, like I've never heard that before. I've never heard process described that way. I'm always thinking of like sequential steps only and not the part of finishing it. So I'm gonna ask you some personal things. It's about you like,

because you're always this perspective person for me. During the pandemic, you checked your phone. I think you end up looking at your phone as the way the story goes, and you're like, I don't have any pictures in my phone. Absolutely. And so different stories hit people different ways. I want you to tell the story.

What it meant for me is I was like, man, for me, I don't have enough mental pictures either. Like I've been in a lot of places that I wasn't even there in my life. In other words, I've not always lived by being where my feet are. So that piece of content for me, I was like, wow, man, too often my wife will say, do you remember when Bella?

And I'm like, no, she goes, you were right there. She was four. This is important for everybody to hear because everyone thinks my life. It's real. No, I don't, I literally don't remember that. She goes, you were sitting right there. I'm like, it's real.

I wasn't there. And so when you had this post about this, and as it may was on your podcast, your post, I'm like, man, not only do I not have a lot on my phone, I don't have enough in my head. I'm 52 years old. There's not enough pictures I got to hold on to for being present in different moments.

But for you, it had a different meaning. What was your reflection on that when you looked? That's good, man. Thank you. I wanna challenge everybody, when you get some time, just go pull out some old pictures of your children, spouse, family, and just look through them, and just pay attention to the way it makes you feel, right?

And so for me, when I went through the pandemic, and I was looking through my phone, and of course, the industry that I'm in, you in, got hit, right? You can't be in a room with more than 10 people, you know? And of course you can speak virtually, but when you're in a room, like it feels different, right? You feed off the crowd, things like that.

And so I was doing virtual stuff, but I couldn't be in a room and I was missing that. But also I was looking at my phone and I was like, man, I don't really have pictures. Like I've been to a lot of places, but I don't really have a lot of pictures of the places. Like I might get a picture here, a picture, but I didn't have pictures to where I could look

and be like, man, I really enjoyed that. I said, man, you know what? After the pandemic, like I'm gonna have fun and I'm gonna enjoy the moments and I'm gonna get more pictures. And so I speak to one of the moments that I had been speaking to Bama since 2015

and I didn't have a picture with Saban. And this last year that he retired, I went to speak and we take a picture in the office. Thank God you didn't know he was retired. I didn't know he was retiring, right? I got the picture, but it just shows that, I said, I started this year, Ed, and I said, no, John does the one word every year, right?

And I was like, man, this year, my word is gonna be fun, man. I love it. I'm gonna have fun with what I do, my work, the places I go, like I'm gonna have fun, I'm gonna enjoy it, right? Because the type of person I am, I can lock in, I can look at the tasks, I can get it done, but I didn't always have fun with what I was doing, right?

And the pandemic made me realize that. And so after that, I was like, man, you know what? I'm just gonna enjoy and have fun with my work and the process of doing it and getting it done. I'm gonna take pictures more. I'm gonna look at those pictures. I'm gonna enjoy the moment. So it was just about enjoying the things

that I was a part of. Me too, me too. And I gotta tell you that it impacted me on that. I haven't had enough fun. Malva kicked some tail in business and had some great experiences, helped a bunch of people. At the end of the day, you gotta have some fun. Like that's why I do this show.

Like, people ask me all the time, one, I get to have friends on like you. It makes me emotional that I get to do this, just as I say that. But also like, I learn a lot. There's moments in almost every conversation where I go, that's me right there. It makes me grow.

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um And i'll mess it up and then you clean it up, okay? But it was something like the difference between my preference or my principle and purpose versus principle and purpose, is that what I'm talking? Yeah, yeah, principle and preference. Okay, give me that. So we were talking about how people operate

sometimes off of emotions, and he used the word preference, and we talked about principles. When you have principles you're guided by principles and I was telling him about an example I was talking to someone and they were just writing situations off, writing people off, writing things off and I was like man you can't live your life that way. Not that you ignore how you feel because those are your emotions, you stay true to it but you have to operate by some principles and you have to be guided by something as a person.

My grandparents used to always say to me as a young man, Ed, if you don't stand for something, you fall for anything. And that was their way of saying to me, Inc, have some principles that you're guided by as a man, right, to where you don't go out and you ride the emotional roller coaster in life because you're not as a man, right? To where you don't go out and you ride the emotional roller coaster in life because you're not guided by anything, right?

It's like I read something recently, Ed, and it blew my mind. It talked about self-discipline. And it said with self-discipline, oftentimes we want the pursuit, right? If you're trying to be disciplined in something, you want the pursuit, but you don't always think about what you need to go without, right? If you're trying to be disciplined in something, you want the pursuit, but you don't always think

about what you need to go without, right? You think about the pursuit, I'm gonna be disciplined, I'm gonna work, I'm gonna pursue something, goals, dreams, aspirations, but you don't always think about what you need to go without. And I think when you have certain principles in place, when you encounter things that don't align with your principles, you can go without.

But when you're not guided by principles and you're guided by emotions, you ride the emotional roller coaster, you accept anything, you find yourself in situations that don't feed you, your words fulfills you, right? And you're accepting and you're doing anything and you find yourself with this void. And so we talked about preference, principles,

emotions, principles. Just being guided by something, man, as an individual. What do you think moves you more or people more? I'm just curious, what's the motivation? Fear or pain, moving away from pain, or moving towards a dream and a vision and pleasure? Like Tim Grover, our friend, talks about the dark side. Leverage the dark side, right?

Then you got other people in life that say, no, well you can do that, but you gotta have a vision and a dream of what you're pursuing. I'm just curious as to where you come down on that. The different leaders you've been around yourself. Mayo, your best friend, the new coach of the Patriots, congratulations to him, you and I were just talking about that as a Patriots fan, I really want him to succeed.

But I'm just curious in your case, what do you think? Cause if someone's listening, like I need to find some levers. Like I want to get going. Is there the lever to avoid pain? Like this man here grew up basically, one of the things he was most grateful for when he gets to Tennessee is a mattress.

Yeah, absolutely. Speak to that. And then what do you think? Was it moving away from something or the joy of moving towards something? Tell me about, from your perspective, the simple things that were important to you. I remember I used to say that I didn't live my life with any regrets. I remember saying that, right? Whenever somebody would ask me a question, you got any regrets?

Man, I'm cool. I don't have any regrets. I don't live my life that way. And so as my little sister started to get older, the dialogue started to change. Started to watch them encounter certain situations. My children getting older. And it makes you reflect, right? Like as your kids grow up, you reflect, different encounters, and one of my little sisters,

she plays basketball, extremely competitive, like me, right? She's just extremely competitive. And I'm watching her one day, and man, she's a dog, right? She's a dog, man, she can hoop, she can ball. She went to the University of Kentucky, she finished up, she's playing overseas now. And she's a dog and I'm watching her. And I'm like, man, she's just not enjoying it.

Like she's playing, she could drop 20. She's just so caught up in it, like she's not enjoying it. And we're talking one day and I said, you know, man, one of the things, if I can go back and change in my career, they had never heard me say this, because I was always, I don't have any regrets. I said, one of the things, if I could go back and change,

I would enjoy the process a lot. I said, I didn't always enjoy it, because I was so focused on what I was trying to accomplish, I missed a lot of moments. That's why I always say, like Saban says, don't waste the failing. Always say, don't waste encounters, don't waste opposition, don't waste moments when they don't go the way you want it to go. For me, I wasted a lot of moments that I felt could have contributed to my development because

things didn't go the way that I wanted it to go. And so the thing that I would say to people is on the journey to becoming, on the journey to accomplishing, on the journey to getting things done, don't postpone your joy, don't postpone your happiness, don't postpone your peace. Because oftentimes that's what we do.

When I make this amount, then I'll celebrate. When we accomplish this as a company amount, then I'll celebrate. When we accomplish this as a company, then we're gonna celebrate. Then we're gonna head apart. Man, when I do this, then I'm gonna go out and celebrate. That's great. All of that is great.

That's fun. That's cool. But make sure you're not postponing your joy, your happiness, and your peace. Because in my case, it still didn't happen. I still didn't get to the league. You know, I'd known you a long time. That's the most emotion I've seen on your face

when you talked about something like that. That's a real thing. You didn't get another play. Definitely. You were gonna get around to enjoying it once you went to the NFL or whatever, right? Absolutely. Yeah, me too.

Man, take lessons from the two of us. We both, you know, there's this great Chinese proverb that says if you wanna know the road ahead, ask those coming back. Mm-hmm, that's good. You know, and in a lot of cases, you know, for you and I, we've been able to, we've had a lot of good things happen in our lives and it's interesting that we both share that in common. And I've watched you, I think you do a better job of that than most now. But yeah, my playing days, my business days. Man, I made a lot of money, but you have a lot of fun. You know?

I regret that. I used to say that too, I don't have any regrets. I ended up where I was supposed to. Ending up where you're supposed to is different than not having a regret. Both can be true. I did end up where I was supposed to, and I got some regrets.

I've got several. One of them for me, thank God, was not towards the end of my dad's life, not spending time with it, not getting time. You had a post the other day, is it freaking you out how much I know about what you're talking about? I'm not, good, I know about you.

If it was opposite, I'd be doing the same to you. I got my pad in my bag with all the notes on it. It's crazy how much I do this with you, but there's certain things that just grip you, you know? And you were telling a story, I'll let you tell it about a friend of yours who got a voicemail. You know the story that I'm talking about? Absolutely. I don't think anybody who's listened to this show

will forget this story after you tell it. This is such a lesson in that. It's kind of connected to what you just said, but a little bit different. Absolutely. Yeah, I said I wanted to thank one of my friends because I'll never forget he played me a voicemail. And on the voicemail, it was his father talking,

leaving him a message. And he was at a point in his life, things are going great. Life is going phenomenal. And his father had called it and he could have picked it up but he didn't and he was like, man, I'm gonna get back to him, I'm gonna get back to him, I'm gonna call him right back. And he got to doing something and when he finally made the call, the person that picked up the phone said to him, hey man, your father's gone. Your father died, like your father, he's dead. And I'll never forget him playing that voicemail for me, Ed,

and looking at his tears, and his tears brought conviction to my soul. Because I was like, man, I get to running in life, and my dad calls me, my mom calls me, and I'm, yeah, I'm gonna call you back, I'm gonna do this. And it's just like how we do things, how we live life. It's like when I said to the guys years ago, and I said, man, one of the most underrated blessings

is leaving our house every single day, thinking we're gonna make it back to our house every single day, right? And it's somebody that wakes up every single day, they don't make it home. They don't see their children again. They don't see their spouse again. But every single day we live our lives

as if life is promised us something. We do things as if life is promised us something. It's just the way I played the game, the same way. Balls to the wall, give everything to it, not appreciating it. When I heard that voicemail, it was conviction to where it was like, it's like the, the, um, the clip you see on social media to where the guy just says, Hey, call your mom. Yes.

You ever saw that clip? Yes. And like the truth that it has. It does. It hits you. It's a simple sentence. You go, he's right. Call your mom, man. If your mom is living, call your mom. Yes. Because we text, right? We tell people. And you're like, man, when you mom is living, call your mom. Because we text, right? We tell people.

And you're like, man, when you think about it, you're like, man, yeah, like call your mom. Like call your dad if you still got your dad. Call your little sisters, right? And we get in this fast-paced society, and when you lose something, it brings a certain level of conviction and thought that makes you appreciate things around you

and the things that you have. And that moment changed me. Me too. As a man. Yeah. Because of how me and my father's relationship started out to where we are now, I'm grateful for my father. But it was a point in time in my father,

me and my father's life, because of how we started out, Ed, I took the relationship for granted. And now, seeing the grandfather that he is, the father that he is, and the grace that I not only have for my father, the grace that I have for myself in terms of dealing with my father and the encounters that we've had, that moment changed me as a man. I like to think I'm a better son because of that. And so I said to my brother, I said,

man, I appreciate you sharing it because that's a vulnerable moment for him. But I thank God that he was willing to share that with me and that helped me. I gotta tell you, it hit me so hard. I wanna ask you about you and your dad after that too. Never asked you, but just to give people a lesson on life, if you would, but my dad, I didn't realize it, but my dad had left me a voicemail

that I did call him back. I just never deleted it. I just left it on my phone. And like three years later, my dad had passed away. So it's been almost three years. This was very recently. I was, you know, you like clean up your phone. I'm was very recently. I was, you know, you clean up your phone. Absolutely. I'm on an airplane. I'm like, I'm gonna clean up my phone, get these pictures out of here, get this out. I don't need that anymore, these voicemails.

But then I'm like, it's my dad's number on there. It says dad. I'm like, I didn't even know this was in my phone. I have my earbuds on on the airplane. And there's people sitting by me. And I play this and it's like, hey kiddo. How are you? I'm strong.

And I'm listening to my dad speak just a normal love into me for a day. And I had my issues with my dad too. And how emotional I got. I'm crying on this airplane as people were looking at me. I'm like, I'm just listening to my dad. But how many times I took for granted, just dad calling. No doubt.

You know what I would do to get an actual phone call from my father again? Like, I just, when you said that story, like brother, like, and by the way, I must have played this voicemail now. I've gone through a rough time recently. I pray, you know, the Lord is my savior, but I got to tell you something about your dad, dad, if you got a decent one this year. Just, I play that. It gives me comfort hearing my dad's voice. It makes me emotional now, but like, don't everybody take for granted these precious people, these moments that you had.

The reason is, is because you can talk to your mom anytime, talk to your dad anytime, till you can't. Absolutely. Till you can't. Even you today. Absolutely. To see you, come on, give me this big hug, I don't know. Absolutely.

I love this man, I don't get to see him very much, you know, like, I get to walk out there and look at the ocean with my brother for a few minutes. You know, like take it in and it's changed me. It's just it's changed me. Um, I just want to share that with you. So I know a lot of people right now are struggling to just keep up with paying their everyday bills and they're starting to accumulate things on credit cards. And it just feels like you're just making the minimum payments and that balance doesn't go down. So if you own a home, I want you to call my friends at American Financing.

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you may not even have to make next month's mortgage payments. Call today, 888-995-2440 that's 888-995-2440 or you can go to visit at americanfinancing.net nmls182334 nmlsconsumeraccess.org APR for interest rates in the five start at 6.406% for well-qualified borrowers. Call 888-995-2440 for details about credit costs and terms. Now, give everyone a little bit of a lesson too. You could have held your dad in some resentment the rest of your life, right? We've all had people that we don't understand why they've treated us or behaved a particular way, right? And in your dad's case, you can say, but in your dad's case, like he wasn't around all the time, right? So, so how did

you get there? I mean, give us some counsel on that. There's someone listening right now and I was like, look, my so-and-so and my best friend and I haven't talked in two years. Or my boss did this to me and took someone else and gave him the promotion. Or, but in your case Describe a little bit about where the relationship was with your dad when you're a little boy Because it's a it's an unbelievable story frankly, and then how did it get to where it is now? absolutely, so um when I grew up and and you know, that's my grew up in a two-bedroom home with 14 people and My mom had me at 16.

And so she had me really young and I've always been the type of kid to where, like I like to talk to people that's a lot older than me, more experienced than me. I've always been that way. Every since I was a little boy, man, I would be the guy that was hanging around the older guys, just listening, you know, trying to pick things up.

And I had a lot of questions because I was in an environment and also in a household to where I was being exposed to a lot, a lot of things at a young age. And at night I would want to ask my father, like, hey man, I saw this today. Man, can you give me some insight on it? Oh man, this happened today. And couldn't.

And over time it built up a certain resentment to where when he finally started calling me, it was like, no, I don't want to talk to him. Right, like he's not here. He's not in the same house as me, I don't want to talk to him. And he was trying at the time, like, hey, I can come pick you up, take you here. Nah, man. And I had this teacher, my eighth grade teacher, he asked me a question one day, and I was a young man

at the time, and he would always say to us, I'm not talking to you as an eighth grader. I'm talking to you as if you somebody's father or grandfather. You know, as a young man, you're like, what? Like, father, grandfather. Like, grandpa like what no I'm not talking to y'all as eighth graders I'm talking to you as if you're gonna be a father or grandfather and he kind of sensed it and knew because he would be around us a lot be in a neighborhood and he said to me one day what if one day you have a son and your son treats you the way you treat your father. And even as a young man, I was like, I don't know if I'll be able to handle that. And he was like, your father still shows up and tries to cultivate the relationship.

He's like right, wrong, and indifferent. He's still pressing the issue, try to create the relationship. I was like, yes, sir. He said, just sit with indifferent. He's still pressing the issue, try to create the relationship. I was like, yes sir. He said, just sit with that. It's like, all right, cool. Next time I got with my father, we're talking, and I just wanted to know. And my father started telling me about

when he was a teenager, he lost his mom. I didn't know that. He lost his mom. Most important thing to him when he was a teenager, my mom gets pregnant as a teenager. He just lost the only thing that he's ever had. He goes into basically hiding. He don't know how to respond.

She comes to him with a kid. He goes off, plays a little ball, trying to accomplish a dream. And then this kid comes along. And then when we patched it up, Ed, what I started to understand was, as a young man, I didn't have the capacity to understand what he was dealing with in the morning. I didn't even have the capacity at 12th or 3rd. Not that my feelings weren't real. My feelings were very real, but I didn't have the capacity.

Now that I'm a father, I look at it totally different. I tell guys all the time, until you walk down certain roads, you can never understand or look at certain situations the way other people would have seen them. When I became a father, I viewed fatherhood and my father totally different. When I got children, I viewed fatherhood totally different. When I became a husband, I viewed being a husband totally different. And so for me and my father, it was like, man, create some grace, man. Like nobody is perfect, right?

I create some grace, like this 15, 16 years old, like them kids having kids, right? And I'm so grateful I did. One of the greatest decisions I've ever made was forgiving my father, right? It changed me and my father's relationship, but to watch my father as a grandfather, man, it's one of the most fulfilling things in the world to me.

I'll never forget a man said to me, Ed, and I never thought about it this way. He said, I got to watch my father be a son. And you don't think about that. Guy said, I got to watch my father be a son to his father. And most times we don't get to see that. And so for my son, one of the things that's important to me as a father is for my son to get to say, man, I got to watch my father be a son to his father. That's a totally different dynamic.

My son coming up watching me, but when I get around my father, my son gets to say, man, I got to watch my father be a son to his father. Yeah, he was my father, but I got to watch him around his dad and watch him be a son to his father. That's a powerful dynamic that very few men get to experience, right? Because you gave your dad grace, you gave your son that gift. Yeah, that's lights out good. Yes, sir.

That is lights out right there. Yes, sir. You know, as I've gotten older, when I extend grace to people, I'll say it the secular way, when I extend grace to people, I feel the best about myself. And I'll say it the non-secular way.

When I give people grace, I feel like I'm acting as Christ would want me to. And I think when I don't, perhaps I'm not. And it's one of the highest choices as a human you can make is to extend grace to somebody who maybe in that moment you don't have the perspective to know they deserve it. The point is what you did is kind of what Mr. Rogers said earlier, you pictured your dad as a son

and what he had to go through. And so that's one of the best things I've ever heard in my life what you just said, right? That lights out. I told you guys this was gonna happen today. I don't like that the time's up. It frustrates me. And by the way, it's not quite up.

I'm gonna ask him one more question, because I'm curious about this with you. You're a special man. You are, you're a special man. You're somebody that I admire. I actually, I can say this to you as a, I mean, I know I'm older and whatever. I look up to you.

Look up to the way you, thank whatever. I look up to you. Look up to the way you, thank you. I look up to you. There have been times in my life, this is no joke, where I have thought about how you would handle something or how you would communicate something. I do, that's one of the highest comps that I can give somebody.

You've been talking, so in the sports world, everybody, if you don't know this, we talk about winning a chip all the time. Okay? Winning the chip. And so that basically means winning your title. And so like the new way to say it now about winning a chip all the time okay winning the chip and so that basically wins winning your title and so like the new way to say it now is winning a chip anyway you've been talking a little bit about that but i didn't really get to catch what it means for you so i

you said this year i'm going to win the chip but i don't i don't want you to tell me about this year i'm actually just as a friend i'm curious about this absolutely what's the chip of life for you like if at the end of this life you get the chip, right? What will have happened for you to have gotten the chip in this life? I always think about this at my children. People speak about me one day. Clock stops, man, when it's all said and done.

I never want my children when people speak about me. I never want my children, my wife, my little sisters, my family, my friends. They hear somebody speak and say, I don't know that, I don't know that version. Like when somebody speaks about me when the clock stops, I want my children to say, that's my dude. I live with him every single day. I got to see the compassion, I got to see the compassion. I got to see the empathy.

I got to see the passion. Dude, Ed is up there talking about, want my son to be like, I know that guy. That's my dude, man. He be in the house every day. Somebody say something, I want my daughter to say, I know him, right? Because the worst thing that can happen, Ed,

is we get to a point in our lives, man, and we're public success. We're behind, we're private failure because the people that we're closest to don't recognize the person that the world knows. And so for me, the chip for me is to always be who I say I am and do things in a way to where when it's all said and done I represent myself, my family, the people I'm connected to, and the people that believed in me far before the world knew me in the right way. That's the chip. I love you brother. That was you man. What an extraordinary conversation today. Like honestly I'm very grateful I got to share this time with you and that we just

recorded it so other people can hear our conversation. Likewise, man. And you're well on the way to earning that chip. Thank you. You are. I want to say this, Ed. We did the interview years ago, man, and I really do mean this. I was excited today for a number of reasons.

Of course, being able to be in your presence. But when we did it years ago, and you showed me the water, all this stuff, and I go back home to my wife and I'm just so excited. Like, man, I just went, eh, it was phenomenal. I was energized, inspired, right? And it took our life to another level, right? And today, I'm on a plane, I'm like, I'm going to see Ed.

True story, I'm like, God, it's time to go to another level. Right? Every time I'm about to go to another level, I go see Ed, you know what I'm saying? That's how I really feel, man. So I appreciate you, man. Sure. That's awesome. That means the world to me. You know how much'm saying? That's how I really feel, man. So I appreciate you, man. That's awesome. That means the world to me.

You know how much that means to me. I'm on the verge of tears half this interview today, so that means the world to me. And you are going to another level and you are gonna get that chip. And I love that the right things matter to you. All right, everybody. You're welcome, that's all I can say.

This doesn't get any better than today. So share this episode I feel like I probably don't need you to but anyway everybody max out your life and God bless you follow Inky on all social media and hire him to speak if you got a speaker That's the best in the world right there. God bless you everybody is the Admirant Show. Hi there. Sorry for the interruption, but are you enjoying this show on Google Podcasts?

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