THE ED MYLETT SHOW - Life After Trauma - with Elizabeth Frazier

Episode Date: January 27, 2021

“My intention is to give others hope that life can still be amazing, no matter what we've gone through.”   Life After Trauma  - w/ Elizabeth Frazier   This is perhaps one of the most important interviews on one of the most important yet too often silenced, overlooked, ignored, and normalized crises in the world.   And it is happening in our own backyards. The US is the number 1 consumer of child trafficking in the world and the Super Bowl (just 11 days away) is historically the biggest trafficking event.   My courageous guest today has held a special place in my heart since the first time I heard her speak. And as much as I want to believe that her story is a rare occurrence, unfortunately, it is not.   Elizabeth Frazier is a sex trafficking survivor, hero, and inspiration for anyone who is struggling to cope with trauma or pain.   From being groomed for trafficking at just 4 years old and enduring over 20 years of abuse, Elizabeth did not let it destroy her. As a successful entrepreneur and motivational speaker, she is STILL a believer that even through your worst experiences, everything in life happens FOR you and not TO you.   In this interview, Elizabeth shares her story, her journey to healing and warning signs that someone you know may be a victim of sex trafficking.   No matter what you are going through, this interview will teach you practical skills to no let trauma become your emotional home.   We can all relate to each other through our pain. You are not alone. You can come back from the darkest of places.   If you see or suspect someone is a victim of sex trafficking call the National Human Trafficking Hotline [phone] or Text “HELP” or “INFO” to 233733.

This is the Atmila Show. Welcome back to Max out everybody. Today is an adult topic, although I think you want to share this show if you're comfortable with young people that you care about. But I just want to let you know what advance we're going to be talking about some pretty adult things today. And our topic today is going to be something that has become more and more near and dear to my heart, which is sex trafficking and child trafficking in general as well. And I was at a speech everybody, many years ago, I was giving a speech. And there was a woman, usually when I'm in the green room I'm getting ready for my talk and I'm just sort of listening kind

of in the back of my ears so to speak to the speaker before me because I'm getting focused but there was this person speaking that I just could not stop listening to that captured my heart and I stopped everything I was doing and I listened and that person was Elizabeth Frazier and she told a story that day that was so vulnerable, so authentic, so heart-wrenching, that I really couldn't move. And I was compelled immediately to try to contribute to what she was doing.

And I decided in that moment at the right time, I wanted to share this beautiful soul, this incredible woman with you and her story. And so I'm honored to have her here today. So Elizabeth, welcome to the show. Thank you for being here. Gosh, thank you Ed. That's quite the intro. Thank you. Yeah, well, it's my honor. And you know, everybody, when we're listening today, we're going to talk about sex trafficking, but I want you listening to it through a lot of different

prisms. It's just anybody who's listening to this, who's had any trauma or pain or angst in their life and learning to overcome it and deal with it. Or if you know somebody or care about somebody that you know is dealing with just trying to get over something, it could even be a divorce, it could just be, you know, abuse in their family, it could be just negative thoughts. And we're going to go all the way to the top of the list of really one of the most horrible things that could ever happen as somebody as a child. And so let's just get right into it Elizabeth because I know I know people will never forget what we're about to do and I know I can feel people already and the next few minutes are me pulling their cars over and tears just wanting to listen to the rest of this or if they're on

YouTube bringing people into the room. I just know it's going to be one of those moments for people. So let's start out with you at least at four years old. Take us into your life at four years old and maybe even before I think it's going to blow people's mind. So go ahead. If four years old is my very first memory of being sexually trafficked by my parents and I know before that I was groomed because I knew exactly what was expected of me and what to do and perform at four years old. So being raised in a way that trafficking is normal in my home made me, I thought I was special. I didn't realize how awful what was happening it was until I was honestly in probably high school. And I really started rolling the grasp of it

and knowing how awful it was. And I just thought I was so special because I got to do these things. And I couldn't tell anybody because they wouldn't understand because they're not special like me. And when you're a child, you believe what your parents tell you. So I really did think, okay, I'm special. And this is my, I've got to do this

because I am so special. What was the memory that you remember first from being four years old, that tells you at least you're being prepared before that time, is there a particular situation that stands out that you can in your mind see or feel in your spirit right now? Yeah, I drove up with my mom actually,

and we pulled in front of this big yellow motel eight sign and I knew she told me which door to go knock on and so I went over by myself and knocked on the store and was let in and had been kind of explained what was expected of me when I went in that room and they were sexual acts and then when I was finished I was handed an envelope and I went back out to the car and my mom put it in her magazine, just folded it up and we drove home. And that was the first memory of my normal for over 20 years. God bless you. I just as a father of a daughter, the idea of a parent putting their child in that type of situation.

I know for so many people listening to this is unconscionable. This is a human being, even if I didn't have children. Yeah. And as everyone is listening to this, realize that this is happening so much more in our country, in the world, than you realize. Not always at four years old,

not always from parents introducing young women into this, but it's happening far more than we realize. And when I started to look at the data and hear the stories of how many young girls are being affected by this and abused in this way, it's heart wrenching. It's something we must bring attention to. And yours is obviously one of the more extreme cases. So you're saying this began to feel normal to you, almost like you were special, because that's what you were being told. There wasn't a part of you that is you were behind these

damn doors with these men at 7, 8, 9, 10 years old. Were you scared? were you fearful, were you, you know, knowing what was happening somewhere in your heart was wrong or was it just 100 percent, you were special and you were sort of destined to do this, sort of it was it both? No, as I got older, I knew I heated it, I knew I didn't like it. But we lived already lived in a nice neighborhood. We weren't poor. It wasn't... You would drive through my neighborhood and have no idea what was going on. So, and I appreciate that you bring that up because it happens in all of our neighborhoods.

And people don't want to see it because it is so unbelievable and hard to swallow. But unless we have these hard conversations, it can't change. So I remember being in fifth grade when the first time I ever remember feeling safe and loved, it was in fifth grade and it was by my teacher. And I think that's when I had a shift of, okay, something's not right by what I'm being told. I'm told I'm special, but I feel awful. I don't feel good about myself. I don't, I am there were definitely times I was scared for my life. And being at school, I felt safe and I felt loved and seen for unconditional reasons. I didn't have to perform or do things to earn that love. And so I was probably around 11 or 12 that I started realizing this isn't sitting right with me. This isn't how it's supposed to feel.

And for most people who go through, I mean, it could be mental abuse. It could be verbal abuse. There's degrees of abuse, though. And you suffered the most extreme, in my opinion. And I'm wondering how that begins to affect somebody, because we all have that person in our family, by the way, who's acting out. Maybe they're doing self-harm or they're using drugs or alcohol or they're just, they just seem so lost and oftentimes we judge them not knowing maybe what they're working through, not knowing the trauma. And even in my own case, because I've been doing this work for so long, I still have to do that myself as remind myself hurt people often hurt people and we don't know someone's form of trauma. How did it begin as you got older?

Manifest itself with you. Did those types of things happen for you? I'm just curious. I did. I actually did a lot of self-harm. I have still stuff scars on my arms from it. I would get a can out of the pantry and just smash my face and I would have black eyes. And so I didn't even understand why I was doing those things. I thought I honestly made up what self-harm was when I started doing it. But I just had so much inner turmoil that I didn't know how to deal with, that that was a release for me, and a distraction from the real pain that I was feeling, and so it was my escape for quite a few years. And even still, I have that inkling when things get too hard, and I have to remind myself, you know, and check in with myself and make sure I'm aware that that's not a healthy coping habit, you know,

but I did, I did it for many years. I'm so glad you said that because we all have these patterns that are home, that we run. It could be that when we respond to something in an angry way, we get sad, more sad than maybe would be the norm. And so you're, one of the ways we have power over our patterns is to be aware

of them, as you said. I'm wondering also, I think there's multiple reasons why sometimes we behave the way we do. And so I'm wondering, I just want to touch on this with you, and I don't know the answers to this. I'm just curious, you're the one who's had the experience. But you've gone through this trauma. And so you think you're acting out and harming yourself to, you know, for the reasons you've described. I've also had experience of working with people that have had trauma. And I had my very minor form of trauma coming from an alcoholic home, which is a one compared to a 25 million that you were going through. But I acted out a little bit because I was so numb, at least acting out and doing something painful to myself made me feel something and I could understand I was feeling something.

And I think a lot of people listening this that may just harm themselves with they just have a pattern where they sabotage their life. They have a pattern where they overeat or drink or use drugs or get too angry. Do you think there's any element of that for you that you were just numb? At least you felt something? Was that part of it or no? Yeah, for sure. And I think it varied depending on what was going on in my life. And I think it's also important to point out that we all feel pain in different times of our life,

no matter what we go through, and we all handle it differently. But we all understand what pain feels like. And so being able to relate with each other on that, I think is important so we don't feel alone in that pain. I just think you important so we don't feel alone in that pain. I just think you're you're you're so amazing. Um, I just want to say this is we're talking and I know everybody feels this way. One, just how vulnerable you are and open you are. Um, you're one of the people in my life the last five years that I just couldn't forget. Oh wow. I just I just couldn't forget you. And I thought about it so many times and so many

different situations what you went through. I'm curious, did it ever end up where you thought of ending it all? Because I think so many people in this day and age suicide is that, you know, all time high or the contemplation of it. So is depression. Did it ever get to the point where you thought, you know, maybe that this will be it. And I could just leave this place that I'm in so much pain in. Yeah. I so the trafficking didn't end when I was married. It happened for over 20 years and After I had had my first son, we moved far away and that's kind of when I cut ties and said, I'm not doing this anymore. And if I see you are here for me, I'm going to contact the police. for me, I'm in a contact, the police. And for the most part, they stayed away, but actually losing what I thought I wanted

was so painful and to have my norm have to change so much. Because I was used to doing, I just called them jobs. And I was used to doing these jobs multiple times a week. And to have it all shut off, I had lost my entire self of identity. Wow. And in 2009, I actually did a tempt suicide. Oh, yeah.

And by a miracle, it didn't happen, didn't work. And I think that really started to form who I am today. And I never imagined being on a podcast and sharing my story ever. I never thought, yeah, this is what I wanna do and have everybody see these dark corners of my reality. But change can't happen if I don't open my mouth. And to think there's somebody out there that's gonna hear this and help either their own kids

or somebody's their child's friend or even themselves, it's worth it to me to put myself out there. If it saves and helps one person, then it's worth it to me. I have to be willing to do that. Well, you're gonna help thousands of people today. And millions of people are gonna experience this.

And there's just this part of me. Who would have ever thought this precious little four-year-old girl walking up to that hotel, which someday, a couple decades later, use those experiences to literally save lives, literally transform lives. And so, God bless you. I want to unpack, you said a lot there, so I want to go to some hard things. This is where I really think we can help folks. So I'm going to go to some hard things. This is where I really think we can help folks. You said something about that when you actually stopped doing this thing that was really so detrimental and painful to you,

that you actually and somehow lost your identity by stopping. And that's what caused suicide. I want to make sure the contemplation. I want everybody to hear this. And so this is the thing that I want everybody to hone in on. And I'd like you to speak to it and only a way that you can. Oftentimes when we behave in ways, even if it was caused by somebody else,

but it's just harmful. It's harmful to us. Yet it becomes our home. It becomes our emotional home. And in some ways, as Autos it may seem, it's a place as much as it causes a shame and pain. It's also this bizarre way in the real world that we've learned to get love and affection and attention. And then that creates more shame where you're like, I'm doing this thing that's bad.

Yet I'm getting something from it. I shouldn't get, but you were wired to get it as a child. I'm sure. So there had to be this part of you that got ironically some affection, some energy, some love from doing this, even though it was painful, even though it was, you know, really killing you in many ways. But there is an element of these behaviors we have that are our homes. Am I wrong about that? Or is that like the real honest, honest part of it is that this is a place we go to get a good emotion as well?

Yeah, yeah, you're 100% right. And so in your way, you would still feel that, you know, it became autopilot where you'd go do it, but the absence of it took from you some form of a good emotion you were also getting, yes? Yeah, it's all I knew really. It was, I mean not all I knew, but most of what I knew. And so to even have a relationship with my husband was so hard because I wasn't used to somebody loving and kind and genuinely caring about me. It was all just about sex and what they wanted. And so it was really hard to let him love me even because I was so foreign to it. And so not used to that form of love. That is taking me years

to learn to let myself love have his love. I didn't let myself fill it. One of the most, maybe the, I don't be disrespectful to my other guest. One of the most deep and powerful things ever set on the show and most honest. I mean, that's a level of honesty that's unprecedented to be able to acknowledge and say I was actually getting something eventually favorable and these patterns that we run in our lives, we don't know why we're doing them either. They're patterns. And we don't know anything other than who we've been.

And so awareness is so important listening to something like this and realizing that if a Elizabeth can change her life from being wired to do this since four years old and before, what could you overcome in your trauma? What pattern could you change? What, how could you leverage it to help other people? It's just amazing what you've done. And so I'm curious first, you mentioned your husband. When you got married, this wonderful man, did he know this when he married you because this continued when you were married?

I think probably for two reasons. One, you're still being threatened, right? That they would harm your family if you didn't continue it. And I think it too was, this was a pattern. Yeah. Correct, right? So did he know this when you got married?

And if he didn't, when did you end up telling him and how did that conversation go? Well, he knew there was abuse. He didn't know the extent and he didn't know it was my family. And he didn't know it was still going on. So I didn't share much with him at all. Okay. And honestly, we met in March and we were married in July.

That's how long we dated and knew each other. So we didn't know each other at all, honestly. And he started seeing dysfunction and things that I just couldn't handle, normal life things very well. And it's because I didn't learn how to handle my emotions, except through sex. And honestly, it's so humiliating or was to think about and and realize,

but I'm glad that I can see it now. I didn't see it then. And so now that I've been able to see it, I can make the changes, but it's awareness. You're right. So I told him, so right before we moved out of state, you could tell I needed to talk to him and I had said that and I said, I need to tell you something. And I sat there for probably 20 minutes and couldn't get the words out.

And he finally actually asked me and all I had to do was nod. So he had been able to put pieces together to figure out what was going on. And I think it had to happen that way, because if I didn't know if I could say the words, so some way he knew so that he could say the words so that I could be safe. Wow, that must have been a remarkable conversation. I mean, I'm curious how it goes.

Now, you come to me and say that, I wanna know every detail. And I want people to learn who may be the recipient of someone, I'm called coming clean, bearing their soul to them. How should one handle that when someone comes to them with some pain they're going through or some shame they're experiencing? I'm sure there's a level to which someone should be asking questions. Does it come in doses? Does it should all come out at once? Do you have any recommendations for the person revealing and the person receiving the information that you would share with us? I think everybody's different. So I can

speak to what was helpful for me. And for me and my relationship with him, I didn't want to tell him very much because I didn't want it to be real and by saying the words right away, it made it real and I don't think I could have handled that. But he needed enough to know to keep me safe. And I didn't trust men, including him, unfortunately, very much. And so I would actually share more with significant friends or mother figures honestly in my life

that were women. And then I would get the courage to go to him and then we would work it out. And so for me, that was my process until I could trust him, which has been, you know, the last few years where I come to him. But my husband is the most remarkable human. He is patient and understanding and kind. And he's actually a a marriage life coach. And I think what we have gone through has really helped him be a good marriage and life coach. Because we have had to figure out how to work through different avenues of different traumas from him and from me. And he's just as patient and kind, and I couldn't have, that's my biggest advice

is be patient. And remember honestly, it's about the person's trauma that's sharing, it's not about you. Make sure you're aware that it's their trauma. Don't make it about you. You make it about you, it's gonna add to their trauma. Don't make it about you. You make it about you. It's going to add to their trauma. So keep it until they're in a more healed place or find your own therapist to really be able to work through that stuff with. Don't make it your

trauma. Keep it there. Such great advice. You know, when you have someone you love who's acting out in a way that you know is harmful. One of the things I just want everybody to remember is they're doing this to get something from it. There's some emotional home for them. In fact, everything we do in our lives everybody is just to stay safe, is to stay safe. And oftentimes our patterns that we run, even if they're negative, are safe to us

because they're familiar. Even the familiar bad. Like in my case, one of my negative parents, I just create chaos. I was raised in chaos. I'm sometimes unhappy when there isn't chaos in my life. And so I create patterns. I now am aware of it when I do it.

I know drug addicts who continue to use drugs even though they can't get high from that drug anymore. They don't know why they're doing it's because it's their pattern, it's their home. And so this is just something to give love and patience to people. And again, you don't know what they're working through. And this can be all the way to an extreme four-year-old little girl who's being abused over and over and over again, basically by her parents with strangers. All the way to somebody who's just was spoken too wrong as a child or comes from a family of divorce.

There's extremes, but it's all the same to you in your life. And I'm curious about, we're going to get to hero bands in a minute when you all hear how this woman took this tragedy and made it a triumph, made it her test is her testimony. It's the greatest testimony ever. But you guys, I just want you all to understand the level of guilt and shame. When you stop something, one other thing, guys, the ramifications of which you did may not stop. And I think that's one of the fears of stopping. It's like, well, I've already done so much damage.

The unit if I continue to cheat, or I continue to lie, or I continue, there's so much that's still going to come. If you're listening to this right now and you're going through something that's negative, you go, it just, why stop? Because it's gonna hurt me anyway. In your case, it went all the way to the extreme of sometimes this stuff was, you know, on camera, right?

I mean, there's, there's, there's evidence. If that ever plane, you're like, I can never get out of this. In other words, it will never end so why stop? Can you speak to that for people right now who are acting out in a way that of something they're ashamed of and think, why am I supposed to just keep doing it?

Cause it's over. That's still in the back of my head, honestly. I know I was videotaped. I know there's pictures of me out there somewhere. And if I let that paralyze me, then I can't do what I'm meant to do. And honestly, you know, I bring in pornography a little bit because a lot of pornography was made of me

as a child and an adult. And I was taught to look like I wanted to be there and taught to look like it was my choice. And so, but it wasn't. And so people watching it might be able to justify their actions, but that's a huge thing that plays into trafficking is the pornography. And you can't say you know it's consensual, so it's only hurting you because there are women out there getting abused right this second making pornography that looks consensual, but I have been there and in a hundred percent is not always consensual most of the time I would say. I'm really glad that you're spoken out about that and more and more people are talking about,

you know, that topic and it's just something to be honest with you. I never thought about. It's not something that's talked about very often. Right. And it's become rather normalized in our culture and it's only when you hear a story like yours that we begin to become, you know, outraged. It's amazing what doesn't outrage us anymore. If we could go back for a second to your family for a second. I'm curious, was there ever a point as a little girl, and we'll get to the point as an adult, but is there ever a point as a little girl

at 12 years old or 13 or 14 or whatever it was that you asked them why this was happening or was that like a taboo topic when someone's experiencing something like this or was it just so normal that you just felt compelled to just comply? I was born with this heart that just loves people and I think they honed in on that and I would do anything to protect somebody. So the second I would start to hesitate or act like I didn't want to be there or go do these things, they would throw my face that somebody was going to get hurt if I didn't do it. And in an instant I would sacrifice myself for

that person, you know. and so I never really questioned. I was a very obedient child and just did what I did because I thought, whoever I am protecting, I'm glad I'm protecting them. God bless you. You know, everybody that's listening to this and if you're doing something right now in your life, you're not proud of or you're thinking of yourself, or you need help, ask somebody. Somebody will help you. Most people want to help you.

Most people will understand. Most people will care. All of you listening to this, I don't care what it is. You're not alone. You can come back from this. It's okay. We're all sitting in one way, shape, or form and in some pattern or pain that was instilled in us at some point in our life.

And if we all have a little bit more compassion and patience, you know, what would, you know, if you're a Christian, what would Jesus say or think with this, if Elizabeth was his daughter? And I'm wondering then that just makes me think as an adult, I think you did eventually go, I don't know if it's confront or talk about this with your parents at some point. And oftentimes those experiences aren't what they would hope they would be either, but can you share that?

And I don't know this part of it, but I know that you did, I think, go speak to them at one point. I did. It was about eight years ago. I went and confronted them with my husband. And I was worried they were going to act like they missed me and loved me and try to get me back and embrace me because I missed that so much. And I think people, there's so many people that have dysfunctional families and relationships and you miss it.

And you'll almost do anything to have it, but it is not. I'm telling you, it wasn't worth it. So when I went, I was expecting to have that happen and me just be like, it's okay, I'm telling you, it wasn't worth it. So when I went, I was expecting to have that happen and me just be like, it's okay, I've missed you. I've missed my kids having grandparents, and I miss having somebody take care of me when I have a baby, and I miss just all the things you think you want. And they were very cold actually, and they never denied it. They never took responsibility. denied it. They never took responsibility. But it was really freeing actually. And being able to let go of it was my form. I told them I forgave them, which I genuinely do, but

I do it in a way. It was almost a selfish forgiveness because I needed to let go of it and I wasn't. I couldn't let go of it until I looked them square in the eyes and told them, I know what you did to me all those years. I know how wrong it was. You can't hide and say I'm crazy or whatever you're telling people, this happened. You know what happened and I forgive you so I can let go. But you will never see my children. You will never have a relationship with them or me again. And I walked out with my head high and never looked back. Never looked back.

And your siblings have acknowledged some of this as well, correct? Yeah, not all of them, but I'm the youngest of nine. And we are split down the middle. There's four of us on one side and the others are on the other side. I want you guys to imagine the courage that it takes for this woman to share this with you.

I just want you to think about how one thing that did happen to you through all this is that, because everything, you know, and you've even said this to me when we were messaging, you said, I still believe in what you say that everything happens for you, not to you. And only now is it being revealed. And that's, this is the most extreme case

to put that challenge through. But one of the things that because she went through this, you imagine how strong you have to be as a four, five, six-year-old, how resilient you have to be. And in some ways, you feel so mentally weak, but in truth, how mentally tough you must really be. And then to have the strength to get up on stages and talk about this, and to be on a podcast

in front of millions of people and share this is remarkable. And so what would you say to somebody because nobody can speak to this better than you who right now is dealing first off if there are any situation where they're being abused, any type, physically, verbally, sexually, what would you say to someone listening to this right now who's going through something terrible? What would your advice be to them? My advice would be to look for people that you do feel safe with and comfortable with and spend as much time around them as you possibly can, because it filled my cup up every single day that I could be around those people. And trust yourself, learn to trust yourself. It's hard and realize I went through awful things.

There's no doubt about it, but now I have a compassion and an understanding for people to go through hard things that I couldn't have before and I still have nightmares And I still have flashbacks and I am more compassionate because of that It either makes you hard and unkind or it makes you soft and so just be aware of your thoughts to make you a More understanding loving person and know you can get through it And you can be what you never imagined. I never imagined doing this. And they can get there. I 100% know they can get through whatever they're going through. Just look for those, look for those safe places.

You know, I'm listening to you. And one of the blessings is God's given you the gift of just the right words. Just the right words. Just perfect words at the right time. And I just feel that when I listen to you speak, share with us this topic of sex trafficking. I don't want to move off of it from it because just the last few weeks was the national day of it and it made me think of you that day. In fact, I think that's the day that we connected. But how prevalent is this? Can you give us some idea of the scope or what it might look like? Because I think, you know, the average person

live in their life in middle class America, thinks, well, that just happens in like over there. Right. But give us some insights as to, what does this look like in the world today? How prevalent is it? How's it, there's certain ways that it typically starts, you know, just give us some overall

about this horrific issue. Yeah, I think the world is actually starting to listen and believing that it does happen. So I think we're on the right track to get it stopped. But the United States is a number one consumer of child pornography, the number one consumer. And I don't know all the statistics perfectly because it's actually hard for me to learn all those and remember them because it's triggering for me, obviously, but I do know that like the super bowl

that's coming up, it is the biggest event for child trafficking and human trafficking, sex trafficking. I read on a website that brings awareness that if you brought in and paid every child's tuition, bought all the Starbucks in the United States, their tuition for college for four years and combined all that, it still wouldn't touch what human trafficking. Like gosh. And that's paying for tuition for every child, every person in the United States for four years. And so, I mean, it is prevalent, every person in the United States for four years. And so, I mean,

it is prevalent. It is in the neighborhoods. There's been, you know, if you look in the news, you have to look for it because people don't want to talk about it because it's so uncomfortable, but there's busts. There was one in Irvine a year ago. They're everywhere. And now that you're aware of it, I think you'll start being able to make a difference and make a call. I mean, there's a hotline you can call if you suspect something. So one hundred number and so we'll put it up on the screen for you to. Yeah, there are things that people can do that are actions to help stop it and help catch it. But honestly, my biggest takeaway for other people is to be that safe place for somebody,

because it gives a wife no matter if you hear their story right away or never or if they share it years from now, be that safe person and that enough will save lives. You know, I'm glad you said that. This weekend I was watching just randomly watching TV and this story came up like with all the bad news. I was like, oh, we're gonna show you a good news story. And there was a woman who's a waitress in a restaurant and this family came up with all the bad news. I was like, oh, we're gonna show you a good news story. And there was a woman who's a waitress in a restaurant

and this family came in with two children. I don't know if you saw this or not, two children. And she just sensed something with this child wasn't right. And so she wrote on the note, she wrote a note to hold up behind the parent said that just said, are you okay? Do you need help? And the child just nodded their head.

And she immediately called the police, the police came, they found out this, the daughter was fine, this little boy was being abused, he was being tied up, he wasn't being fed. And I just think what you can do when you're out there is to realize this is more prevalent than you think. I always talk about the reticular activating system in your brain, it filters throughout the world

what's important to you. And I just think if all of us are a little bit more aware of looking for abuse in any type that it filters throughout the world what's important to you. And I just think if all of us are a little bit more aware of looking for abuse and any type that it might be, that we may begin to see more of it. And just that awareness may change your save a life. And I just want to make sure everybody is at least aware of this is a real thing, the data is unbelievable. Does that mean someone's being trafficked from four to twenty something years old? No, maybe it's once or twice. Maybe it's zero is appropriate. Zero is okay. And I noticed something a few years back.

I was in a grocery store and I watched a father get physical with his little boy. And I'll never forget this. I want to share this with the audience and you and I watched it. And I got the feeling that he knew me who I was, like just from being a public person. And I watched him hit his child, not aggressively, but in a way that you shouldn't hit a child. You should never hit a child,

but you just kind of whacked his kid. Some people think that's appropriate, it's not. And I watched it and I watched the little boy look at me. I've shared this never. The little boy looked at me, almost like helped me. Just a really quick glance. I'm just gonna tell you all this. I wasn't sure.

And I just kept walking. And I turned back and looked at him again with his dad standing there. And everything in me told me, walk back there and just check on this boy. And I didn't, and about 10 minutes later, it just came over me that I had to. And I went back and they were gone.

And I thought that little boy got in the car with this person. If I'm right, I just let this boy go get abused. I should have stopped it. I should have said something. I should have checked get abused. I should have stopped it. I should have said something. I should have checked his dad. I should have asked him if he was okay. I should have just asked him. And I didn't.

I've replayed that video thousands and times of my own mind. And if that ever comes up again, I know that I will have the wherewithal, the courage, the intentionality to do something about it. Because the worst thing I do is I've asked that father who maybe wasn't inappropriate in front of his son if he was okay. And I deal with the consequences of that over what might be happening to that boy. God bless him. I hope I was wrong and I hope he's okay.

But I should have done something about it. We've all had a situation like that where we should have responded. I share that to be vulnerable with you guys and the audience and with you, Elizabeth as well. So you've turned this into something amazing, which is hero bands, which is how I came in contact with you. She's literally made this something special. She's turned it into a positive,

which we can all do when we're in these dark places in our lives. So tell everybody about hero bands, how they could help, how they might get involved, because this is, this is your life's work right now and it's beautiful. So share that with us. It is. So hero bands, I named after my heroes from, since I was a little tiny girl, and I started wearing these bracelets that had encouraging words on them, as I was working through my trauma years ago, and they'd say things like peace and strong.

And they were words that I didn't connect with. But they were words I wanted to connect with. And so I thought I'm going to buy a couple of these and see if I can somehow get the power of words to work for me. And I slowly started seeing they were helping me. And I started feeling strong and loved and calm and I started collecting so many I had probably 20 and so my husband bought me my first tool sets so I could

make my own and I would start meeting people and they would feel comfortable enough to share a piece of their life with me and I would glance down and see that I was wearing something that they needed more than I did at that point and so I would give them my bracelet and later they would reach out and say, well, that really helped me get through what I was going through and as I started healing, I realized, you know what, I am going to share my story somehow. I don't know how, I don't know if I'm going to write a book and then it felt right. I don't know, like I had all these thoughts of how to do it and it hit me that this is how I was going to do it because I want to help more than just trafficking survivors. I want to help anybody's heart that hurts for whatever reason it is. And my kids and I and my husband for Thanksgiving and Christmas actually did a drive by drivethrough meal pickup for anybody that needed food or was alone

on Thanksgiving and Christmas. And we fed 120 people on Thanksgiving and over 130 on Christmas. Just drive-through and we would give these people food that had nothing. And the power of words has been something so significant in my life now that I didn't realize the negative words were dragging me down.

And it was some of these conversations I had with these people that would come get meals that reminded me of why I'm doing what I'm doing. And it reminded me of how many people are hurting out there that need some love and need some encouragement. So I started this company. It's about four years, four and a half years old, and I donate to organizations that help fight trafficking and abuse. So the Elizabeth Smart Foundation, it's a new one that I've just started partnering with, and it's incredible.

I encourage everybody to check it out. And you talk, you know, I've talked with Elizabeth about her rescue, and you have an idea to do this to people the same experience you have Ed where you look at people hoping they can see your hurt and She did that when she was Out and trying to get rescued she would look at people and try to get them to see her hurt And so learning to trust your gut and do something is is is is incredibly important So I'm excited to partner with them and do something is incredibly important. So I'm excited to partner with them. And I also partner with Fight the New Drug, who is a pornography awareness to just educate people about consuming pornography.

Where do they go get hero bands? Hero bands can be found at herobands.com. And I also make these bracelets for kids that are rescued from sex trafficking. And I sell them at my cost. And I'll stamp your initials on them. So when the child gets it, they can see there's an actual person that cares about them, that is invested in with them. And so I give those to,

they're called Operation Underground Railroad. And they rescued things from trafficking. So I work with those three organizations. And it's just, it's filled my soul. I mean, I would do this. It fills my soul that you do it. And I, guys, so awesome is she. Come on, like, come on, for real.

How awesome. And if she can go from where she was and the dark space she was, guys, not for a year or two years, but for years and years of her life, to this kind of light, and a mother of a beautiful family, and a wife, and a difference maker, and a speaker,

and you guys, these hero bands, by the way, have a secret thing. I keep talking to you guys about triggers, right? And words are triggers, and the bracelet itself is a trigger. And so triggers are something that help you overcome negative patterns, overcome negative emotions. So many of you are running these videos

millions of times a day in your mind of trauma or pain or fear or lack that you don't feel like you're enough and having something like that that just triggers you, you know, love, peace, joy, bliss, whatever it might be, strength is so, so powerful. And I'm so grateful. I like that you can touch it. And it can ground you at the same time. If you're off and having all that going on in your mind, you can grab it and grasp it. And it's right there with you.

Very, very good. Guys, this is so, so, so amazing. So I'm going to ask you a hard question because I've been working on this myself. Do you think you love yourself now? That's the biggest turtle I've had. And I thought I had gone over it and loved myself, but I am still working on that. And even letting other people love me is the hardest thing for me to overcome. You know what? I'm going to share something I've never said on the show before, but because you say

that and the reason I asked it was same here. Really? Yeah. And I, yeah, I think that I'm in a relationship with myself, just like everybody listening to this is, just like you are. Some days I have a better relationship with myself than I do others. Some days I feel a little bit better about myself, but when I sit back and evaluate,

and I want everyone thinking about this, like really what Elizabeth just said is so profound and beautiful, that, you know, I don't think I receive love very well. I don't, I think it's like, yep, you love me. Okay. Like, what can I do for you? What can I give you? You give it. You give it well. And that's the same as me. I can give love all day, but the second somebody tries to love me. Me too. Or it's a very exclusive group. or the scenario has to be almost perfect for me to feel it. And it's, you know, I'm almost 50 and it's about time I start getting a little bit more intentional about that. And

maybe all of you listen, you know, you can have all the things in the world good, bad, or indifferent, but how often do you experience feeling loved? And that's not a criticism of anybody in your life, nor mine. This is an internal game. I have people that love me beautifully. It couldn't love someone to be better to them ever. Just like you have with your husband, right? Like I have that in my life. But do I let myself feel it regularly? Just sit in it and own it and experience it and accept it? No, not very often. And so I wanted to also say that because, you know, someone who teaches people

to live more blissfully and all that stuff. And I do do that. But even I'm always giving it. And many of you are always giving it. But how often do you just allow yourself to have that gift? And I just wanted to share that. That's why I want to ask you. I thought you would say that because it would be the honest answer. And it's the honest answer for most people too. So, okay, a couple of things

because I just, I have this tremendous woman here. I'm not going to let you go because I want to ask some questions on the behalf of people too. So how do I begin to turn my pain into something productive? If I'm listening to this or watching this and I'm like, you know, I'm ready to turn a corner, whatever it might be in my life. You know, I'm gonna pivot in my career. I'm gonna, I wanna change my body. I wanna feel better about myself.

This whole love myself thing is something I wanna do more of. Whatever they're thinking, you come from this place that was so dark, what key's tips, thoughts, words would you say to somebody going, just give me a word, Elizabeth, something that I can use here to change my life. What would you say? It's one you said, actually, intentional. And for me, I had to learn, I had to learn about myself. I basically dated myself for a while and I would go to dinner by myself and learn what I liked and learn what I didn't like and

Started finding myself and once I knew who I was I could start to take care of myself And then I could start to learn how I could take care of others in a way that was Still taking care of myself because I think for so many years. I would give myself so much that I would lose Myself does that make sense? I think for so many years I would give myself so much that I would lose myself. Does that make sense? Yes, absolutely. I think the first step would probably be get to know yourself and know how to balance taking care of others and taking care of yourself.

One of the hardest things for most people, you're brilliant. One of the hardest things for most people is to be alone with themselves, with their own thoughts. And it's something that ironically for me, that's not a challenge because I sort of escaped as a kid to my own thoughts. I used to love when I was a little boy where I could shut the door in my room and be alone in my room. I know that sounds very strange, but I love being in my car alone. I do like being alone with me. I like reflecting and I want to challenge all of you to get a little bit more time for yourself. You imagine in your case you have five children.

I do, I have five. Five kids, right? So on top of everything else, you're busy as heck, like to find that time that we call it, you know, everyone calls it me time, right? But you have to find that for yourself. And I totally, totally agree with you. Do you think there'll be a point where, you know, you continue to do this work?

This is a question I want to give you the gift of thinking where you continue to do this work because clearly it's, it's, your life experience pointed you in this direction. Same time though, I don't want for you, nor do I know you do for this to be your identity either. Right? So do you think there's a point, maybe you've reached it,

where you can do this work, but it's no longer your identity or who you are, and that's a very nuanced thing for most people. When they turn the corner, go, I wanna take my pain, and I wanna have a purpose for it, and that's the best pivot you could ever make. Then eventually everybody, there's another pivot where you can continue to serve people in doing that work, but that thing is no longer your identity anymore. Do you think you've turned that corner already or do you think I'm making sense about that something that you need to be reflecting on?

You're totally making sense. I'm actually in the transition of that right now because right now I make every single item that's ordered and I make it by hand one letter at a time I'm in my office doing that and it's gone to the point that I can't do that anymore and be who I want to be and I've kind of grown out of that. So I need to find somebody that can do that that I trust and that I value that's going to carry it and I need to evolve into this other person where I am speaking more, and I am bringing more awareness, because that's where I'm supposed to be. This had its purpose, and I could,

I will never stop this aspect of it, because I've gotten so many emails from people, and done so much good with it, that's my baby, but I'm also evolving. And so I think it's learning to be okay with the evolve, and the change. It's hard and scary and painful, but it's right. So just learning how to kind of do that. Because I'm not a I don't I'm not I didn't start this thinking it was going to turn into a business. I started thinking, I'm going to help people, you know, and and it's at the point that I

need to be able to pivot. So I love that it's both. And I just want to tell you even by the way, in that answer, even in that answer, if someone's watching point that I need to be able to pivot. So I love that it's both. And I just want to tell you, even by the way, in that answer, even in that answer, if someone's watching this on YouTube, you would see Elizabeth's physiology even change into that person seriously. Like you're a little bit different than that answer than the other ones. I just want to tell you that. And it's like even right now, looking at you, it's like, whoa, like there's this energy and strength that even the contemplation of that evolution, right? Like everybody just contemplating the evolution of the next few will give you a confidence and a strength and it's

subtle. It's a swagger. But like your face has changed. You're missing all that he changed. And the other thing I want to tell you and I want everyone to hear is they didn't see you. You were like I said, I unforgettable when I heard you the first time. But I have to be candid. I'm watching you now. It's like, whoa, you're like 150 different levels, even from where you were then. You're going to grow into your calling, everybody. You're going to grow into it. And then you will, as she's saying, growing beyond it, which is amazing. You'll never lose your calling, but you may grow beyond it and may expand. And so I think you are just unflippin' believable.

And it's just true, I just true. And I want you to feel that and I want you to accept that. There is nobody like you. And you do have an incredible husband. And you know what, he's really blessed to have you. And those babies are really blessed to have you and my audience is forever blessed that you were here today and so what could we do number one everybody we need to go to herobands.com and help and support and contribute and we need to share the show

we need to share this story and any of you that are going through any trauma there's a way out any of you that are going through any trauma, there's a way out. Any of you that are feeling any guilt or shame, you can let that go and you can turn the corner in your life, no matter what it is, there is a better day ahead. And so any final thoughts, Elizabeth, I don't want to be the last person to talk on a show that is all about your cause and your mission. Anything else you would just share with the max out universe today. You want to just end with? Yeah, I would. I think it's important to know that when you do get past certain hurdles, you're going to slip up and you're going to have times when you slide back down the hill a little bit. And don't give up on yourself in those moments. Don't think everything you've

worked for is not worth anything because you have to slip up. Just keep working. Do your best you can. You know what your best is. And when you have hard times and triggers, keep going. And it's normal to have those hard days, hard times. So don't beat yourself up about it. And something I tell my kids all the time is, if you can't love yourself, the way you know you should right now, love yourself the I love you you know so I think it's important for anybody listening if you don't love yourself find somebody that you know loves you at least you know in your head not your heart and try to see and love yourself the way they love you and give yourself some grace when you can man I pray everybody

stayed to the end I pray everybody stayed to the end. I pray everybody stayed to the end. You're remarkable. You're amazing. And I'm totally honored that we did this today. Totally. Good. I'm glad to hear that. All right.

Thank you, Elizabeth. Everybody, you just got to share the show. Tell people to subscribe. And this one in particular, if you love somebody, let them hear this, let them watch this. Alright everyone, God bless you, max out. This is the end of my life show. you