THE ED MYLETT SHOW - Master of Me: Keke Palmer Reveals How She Took Control of Her Life & Story

Episode Date: November 21, 2024

What does it really mean to MASTER your life? This week, I’m joined by the incredible Keke Palmer—a true force in entertainment and beyond. Keke has lived a life many dream of, but her story isn��t just about the fame or the accolades. It’s about resilience, family, and becoming the master of her own narrative. From childhood stardom to tackling some of life’s hardest challenges, Keke opens up like never before. Her vulnerability will inspire you, and her insights will equip you to take control of your own life, no matter where you are today. Keke and I explore what it means to rise above trauma, self-doubt, and external expectations. She shares how she transformed hardships into stepping stones and took charge of her journey, refusing to be defined by her circumstances or the perceptions of others. We dive into the importance of self-awareness and why your narrative—not someone else’s—shapes your destiny. We also unpack the pressures of perfectionism and how waiting for “the right time” can cripple your dreams. Keke reveals how trial and error—not perfection—led her to success, and why being real with yourself is the foundation of true happiness. Key Takeaways: How to reframe trauma and challenges into unique strengths. The dangers of perfectionism and how to embrace growth through action. Why mastering your mind is the first step to mastering your life. Practical advice for financial independence and living intentionally. The role of community, accountability, and self-worth in finding happiness. Keke’s wisdom and authenticity remind us that life is about showing up for ourselves and redefining what success looks like on our terms. If you’re ready to own your story and take the wheel, this episode is your blueprint. Go get her book, Master of Me, and start becoming the hero of your own journey today. Max out! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

So hey guys, listen, we're all trying to get more productive and the question is, how do you find a way to get an edge? I'm a big believer that if you're getting mentoring or you're in an environment that causes growth, a growth based environment, that you're much more likely to grow and you're going to grow faster. And that's why I love Growth Day. Growth Day is an app that my friend Brendan Burchard has created that I'm a big fan of. Write this down, growthday.com forward slash ed. So if you want to be more productive, by the way the way he's asked me I post videos in there every single Monday that gets your day off to the right start he's got about five thousand ten thousand dollars worth of courses that are in there that come with the app also some of the top influencers in the world are all posting content and they're

on a regular basis like having the Avengers of personal development and business in one app and I'm honored that he asked me to be a part of it as well and contribute on a weekly basis, and I do. So go over there and get signed up. You're gonna get a free, tuition-free voucher to go to an event with Brendan and myself and a bunch of other influencers as well. So you get a free event out of it also.

So go to growthday.com forward slash ed. That's growthday.com forward slash ed. As a Fizz member, you can look forward to free data, big savings on plans, and having your unused data roll over to the following month, every month. At FIZ, you always get more for your money. Terms and conditions for our different programs and policies apply. Details at FIZ.ca. This is the Admire It show.

Before I get into the show, I just want to say one thing to you. You know that all of my content is free. I put out hundreds and hundreds, it's now thousands of hours of content for free. But every once in a while, I do something where you can participate with me one-on-one or in a group. And so I've only done this one other time in my entire career and it sold out in about 10 minutes. But this year, if you're watching this before 2025, I'm recording this in 2024 on December 12th,

I'm doing an event, a group event in my home, very intimate event, less than 30 people to spend a day with me. You can go to maxout2025.com to get the information. It's not cheap, but it's a day with me. I'm gonna take you through my entire 12 step system I've used for the last decade to plan my life and my year So if you want to make 2025 the best year of your life

You can come to me and you can be in my home with me with a very small group of people For an entire day, but take you through that entire system I'm also gonna go through all the mental programming techniques that I usually only teach my one-on-one clients. So, very limited seating. It may even be sold out by the time you see this video or hear this audio. But it's December 12th, 2024 in my home. Maxout2025.com. Welcome back to the show, everybody. Today's a great program. I already know it in advance because I finished this woman's book the last couple days and I And I got to tell you, it is something else. You're going to make a major impact with this book, young lady.

And I'm so excited she's here. She doesn't really need an introduction. I mean, she's one of the most famous women in the world. She's got 20 plus million followers on social media. She's only won an Emmy. That's no big deal. Singer, songwriter, producer, author, TV host. But she's kind of like a voice for this kind of millennial generation as well. She's also the CEO of Key TV, which is a digital network record label, big bosses. Give me a break. All this is a very young woman, just crushing life.

And she's got a new book out called Master of Me, the secret to controlling your narrative. Kiki Palmer. Great to have you here today. Oh my gosh, good to be here. I love that very charismatic introduction. Yes. Well, it was all real. That's the good part. I don't have to lie. So, you know what? We got like an hour on this show normally and I cannot wait to ask you so many of these different questions. I'm going to frame the first one because you guys, this is not like a normal famous person kind of wrote a book with some stuff in it. This is deep and it's going to affect your life. It's

real work and she's very vulnerable in this book. So let me tell you something about me. I'll meet you in the middle on something. I had an alcoholic dad, drug addict dad who got sober later in my life. But one of the things I confused as a little boy, and I think a lot of people confuse is I conflated recognition or significance with love. And I think a lot of people, where's what I mean by that? If I brought home a report card that straight A's, I've got love. If I had a home run in baseball, I got love. So performing equaled love for me, if that makes any sense, right? And I think a lot of people growing up

get sort of wired this way. And as I read your work, I'm like, man, even the first chapter of the book, you talk about performing as a young person and getting affection for it. Just start talking about that and how it shaped you and whether you think that's a good or a bad thing. Yeah, so I remember being a kid and entertaining

and feeling like it was a way to bring my family into the present. You know, growing up, living in the kind of circumstances that I lived in, you know, parents didn't really have time to think about much of anything other than survival. They don't, they're not really that present. That's how I often felt. But there were certain things that we would do as a family that would bring them back to the presence.

And one of them was speaking about how my parents fell in love, art, films, and TV. And so for me, when I realized that I had a knack for that, I really loved it, yes, because I loved it, but because it brought my family together. It gave us something to engage with in a big way. And then when I started being a child entertainer and all that kind of stuff, the biggest stress that I had coming out of that

wasn't like that I was sick of performing, but that I had now put our lives in a place where if I no longer work again, what happens that, are we going back? I kind of became afraid of failing or having anything go left because I felt like I had this huge responsibility of them on my back. And even if they would say, oh no, it's not like that.

I knew deep down, I was a smart kid. I'm like, well, if I stopped working guys, we put everything into my career. So now everything is into my career. These are high stakes. And so that's the issues began for me personally dealing with being this high performer as well as other people, business people in my life constantly making me feel like I should feel away about my circumstance. What do you mean by that? Feel away? What do you mean?

So like I would have people, and I talk about this a little bit in the book, where people would make me feel bad for being the financial breadwinner in my family when that's just how the cookie crumbled. And what I mean by that, just how the cookie crumbled, I mean, you know, in order for me to be a child entertainer, people forget like your mom and dad have to take you to the audition. They have to study your lines with you. They have to prepare you for these things. They have to take off work.

Sometimes they can't have a job because they're flying across so they can be with you in Montreal, because you're filming a movie with William H. Macy and you're only 10 years old. So it's like my parents had to give up a lot in order to be there for me to be able to have this career. And so a lot of people would pervert that into your parents are using you and you know, just want you for money

and you shouldn't be carrying your whole family and judging my parents because they never been fancy folks. You know, I have family parents still to this day where my mom's most expensive thing is a designer bag. You know, my dad's nicest car, he only got one car. It's like a bought off of a used lot Mercedes. You know, my parents are just, they always trying to get things for the low low. but growing up in the industry where a lot of people

are either Misunderstanding your culture and how you got to where you you came, you know where you are Or they're just trying to be manipulative so they can have power and control and authority over you So it was a lot of people Misrepresenting or trying to misrepresent to me at a very young and impressionable age my dynamic with my family. You know when the truth, me and my family did this together. You know what I mean? Like this is something that it wasn't just me on my own that made this happen. It was them sacrificing as well. Well you uh by the way everybody you may not know

this, this young woman got nominated for a lead actor SAG award at 10 years old, youngest ever. Just so you kind of have some perspective on what we're talking about here. Okay, I wanna step out for a minute. By the way, a lot of people feel those kind of pressures from their family. Some people's pressure's different,

but their mom and dad wanted them to always be a certain career and now that they're in their 20s and 30s, they're in that career. But it's not their dream. Their dream is something else, but they're trying to live for their family. So a lot of this family stuff is a dynamic. And I hope I'm allowed to ask you this because I think when a lot of people look at you, you have this command presence about you that we'll talk about a little bit later.

There's, you know, you have this thing. Certain people have the thing and it's more obvious in some people. You have the thing. And so it's easy to look at you. You've had all this success from like literally almost birth, right? You've been successful. So I started to research you a little bit because perfect people, there's always something in there, right? I know I had it, right? You know, mine was my dad and his drinking. If you don't mind, Tom, because I just think it'll give people hope that they can see you as more like them. Kiki, but something happened when you were a little girl with a family member. If you don't mind touching on this, your face just changed. So, okay.

Yeah, because I felt like this is serious where you were going. Now we're going to get it. Yeah. Welcome to the Ed Mylet Show. So, would you talk about that a little bit? Because I think for you to have to overcome, you say something about it. I'll let you say it. If you don't, I'll ask you about it again. But if you don't mind sharing what happened and what impact of any it had on you. So it had tons of impact on me. So when I was a kid,

I grew up in a very paranoid household. Like my grandmother, she was actually assaulted by her uncle growing up. And so whenever we heard about, we were very hyper aware of being abused, but the concept in which, or molested, or improperly touched, it was always built around an adult. Like it could be family, but it was always an adult.

And so for me, when I experienced being exposed to sexual activity at a very young age, it was through a cousin, you know, I mean, I was like five and my cousin was probably like only three years older than me. So she was also a young person. And I remember just feeling it was too much. It was what you feel when you have been molested or you have been improperly touched or something has been introduced to you that you shouldn't have been introduced to. And it really plagued me.

For like my childhood, I felt a lot of shame. I felt like I had over sexualized thoughts. I felt like I didn't know. I just felt everything that you would associate with having been sexually abused, but I didn't know to put those words to it because as far as I knew, being molested or assaulted or raped

or any of these things had to be an adult. It usually was a man. It was like all these specific things that wasn't my experience, even though I had these, even though I had that feeling and that emotion. And so when I was around 12, I was in school, and you know, in school,

you're reading different kinds of books. I think this could be, I don't know what book it was, maybe physical education or something, like just a regular book. And I was reading and they had an area in it about sexual abuse, sexual assault. And they mentioned what happens when you have been molested particularly.

And I said, well, these are all the symptoms and all the responses. And in that moment, I kind of associated what I had experienced or what I had started to think and feel, not with myself, but what I had been through. I realized, oh, this is a natural... It's like if you get a cut on your arm, the scab is in response to that.

It's not just you. And so I think you experience abuse in that way. Like I remember being so young, like when I was like five and you know, me and my family, we always was in church and all I knew to do was pray. I just prayed, prayed, prayed. When I tell you, it was crazy. I'm so glad that I had something like that in my life because I, as a little bitty girl, was way too many emotions. And I didn't know how to tell my parents. I didn't know what to, I mean, I was little.

And so I just remember, I prayed, I said, I remember being like five or six years old, being like, God, remove these thoughts, remove these thoughts, remove these thoughts, stuff for me. And then eventually they went away. And then I didn't revisit that place again until I read that book.

And I remember I just kind of ran in there to my mom and told my mom and I don't think she understood exactly what I was saying, but that was the first time that had uttered anything like that out loud and put words to it. And then I think for me what I'm learning and why I spoke about it in my book, why I speak about any of the things I experienced in my book without sensationalizing the event, really is to say that

when you experience trauma, it's not about dwelling on the things you can't change. Because I think I used to wonder like, who would I be had I not experienced that? Would I be different? Would I be this? Would I be that? You know, it's not about that because I'm never gonna be different. I'm never gonna not be the person that experienced that. So what I have to then do from that is learn as much as I can about what it means to have experienced that.

What can be the effects of that? What am I attributing to me that is actually an attribute to that experience? Whether I'm nervous, concerned, feel ashamed, unsure of who I am, who I wanna be, my choices. All of that can be in response to that. And so I wanted to speak about it because I think so many of us

have either been traumatized and we don't know, or traumatized and blamed ourselves. We experience so much in this life, it's like you're not gonna come out unscathed. And so the quicker that we can start getting into the dialogue of that, the better it is, especially with these kinds of situations, because when I talk about it, people will say,

since I had spoken about this, which I spoke about it in my first book, but I think that it's, maybe I talked about it in more detail in this second book, or just I've had more conversations out loud about it, but a lot of people say, I remember that. You know what I mean? Or, oh yeah, as a kid, they will call it playing house

or this happened to me too. Or, you know, and it's, again, it's some of these things that we don't bring light to. Especially here in the community where your parents are working all the time and people don't have a moment to stop and kids are not being watched. These are the kinds of things that can happen.

And when you think about like, that was at the age where Cinemax was one click away. So now you have kids having access to stuff on TV and then they're trying something out and you know what I mean? It's like all of this stuff that we just haven't spoken about. You're right. I'm really glad you did. I think you said something before, you just said there like you may not even know something happened to you or why it affected you. Like what you said, you didn't even, it didn't fit the picture of what being molested men. It wasn't a dude. Wasn't like your uncle or some dude in a van. It was another young person. Yeah.

And you know, it's interesting. The reason this work matters y'all listening to this, I'm reading your stuff. And I've always had this, I can't believe I'm saying this on the show today, but I'm going to say it. Somewhere in junior high, I had this weird incident with a coach. I was changing in the locker room. I'll never forget this. Like I was changing and I won't say the dude's name, but I was changing and I was the last boy out. So it was just me and him. I was after a game and I remember him like coming up and kind of like tickling me you know I mean like like funny tickling me by the door but you ever have like something in your life everybody like I

remember that and I can't quite process right now why I remember that and I'm 53 but there's a damn reason why I remember that and maybe I blocked something maybe it was just that. And maybe I blocked something. Maybe it was just that violated. But I'm just giving you one example from my life, everybody. And it's worth sometimes just evaluating your life. Why does that stand out? Of all the things that's ever happened to me,

did something more than that happen that day? Was it just a violation that the dude was to? But the point that I'm making to you is you could have some trauma in your life and just awareness that something was wrong or like I know now at 53 I would be running up tickling some 12 year old boy, like, you know, I mean in his underwear changing You felt that it was a boundary you roached upon and this is exactly it's as simple as that and it could be Different areas of work of data based off of whatever that felt like, you know what I mean?

Yes. And that's the thing I think a lot of time we think what we experience have to be what we've seen in the movies. And the movies are just trying to illustrate the emotions and the feelings of what we experience in real time. You know what I mean? So it's like a lot of times it doesn't, it takes us as a delayed response. I mean, you know, I've been raped before, but I'm thinking to myself, was I, in the time, I'm not knowing because I'm thinking, well,

this is my friend and we were hanging out, but this drink that they gave me, I don't really feel the same. I feel like I can't really move. So what does, what happened as an, as an, as a more adult person, you look back and you say, wow, this is what happened. And I feel like it's so important to express and speak about these nuances on these topics because we are so afraid of hearing these words. We're so shocked when we hear these words and we think that when somebody experienced this

or how somebody experienced this is what makes the experience valid. You can be in an abusive relationship just because you don't have a black eye doesn't mean it wasn experience valid. You know, you can be in an abusive relationship just because you don't have a black eye doesn't mean it wasn't abusive. You know what I'm saying? You could be raped just because that was your friend or your husband or your boyfriend.

It doesn't mean that's not what happened. You know what I mean? And so I think, same with molestation. Just because it was not this adult or this crazy enraged situation, it doesn't mean that you were not improperly touched. And so, you know, it's important because I feel like so many of us walking around, hair looking good, makeup on point, attitude out the bag, and you would assume that nothing

have ever happened to them. Or you don't even remember that something had happened to you. And so I think it's important. And I, yeah, I feel like it's like one of those things where you just gotta, we gotta say, hey, you know, these things can happen and how do we move forward from that? Well, that's why the book's so good. By the way, so thank you for that. That was one of the coolest things we've done on the show in a long time right there than what you just said. By the way, I'm really sorry that, you know, some dude violated your trust like that. It's

just disgusting and horrible. And a lot of times when those things happen, we as a human being, we go, what was my part of it? Shouldn't have been sitting so close to him. Shouldn't have, you know, no, someone's not supposed to do that. Right? That's not you. That's them. But the reason this matters is self-awareness is just a huge part of success and happiness. Like, okay, I kind of get why I'm the way I am. Now, you don't have to spend your whole life in analysis, right?

That's not the case. But kind of knowing yourself is important. don't think enough and that's ourselves. We just get lost in the shuffle don't we so many times. Sometimes it's hard to remind ourselves that we're trying our best to make sense of everything and in this crazy world that is not always easy and better help can help you with that. Therapy can remind us to slow down and just take some stock of how things are going in our life, how far we've come, maybe it's some trauma we need to work from from our past, maybe it's just getting clarity and focus on where we want to go but therapy therapy is helpful for, you know, all kinds of things, learning positive coping skills, setting boundaries. I think it just empowers you to be the best you.

BetterHelp is great because it's done entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible and suited to your schedule. All you got to do is fill out a brief questionnaire. You get matched with a licensed therapist. If you don't click, you can switch it anytime you want. Let the gratitude flow with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash ed show today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Ed Show. This show is sponsored by Delete Me. So listen, I've

had my identity stolen multiple different times in some crazy situations, crazy situations. So have you? You ever had someone you know or you have been a victim of identity theft, been harassed, stalked, doxed? Listen, it is a really scary thing when someone is pretending to be you and it's not something that's very pleasant and you can't always control whether or not you're a target. But you can make it harder for threat actors to escalate threats by taking a proactive approach to the security of your personal information. Let me just tell you something as a public person especially somebody who's you know their opinions

are out there online I'm hyper aware of safety and security I wish I would have been sooner. Take control of your data and keep your private life private by signing up for Delete Me now at a special discount for our listeners. Today get 20% off your Delete Me plan by texting ED20 to 64000. Text Ed20 to 64000. That's Ed20 to 64000.

Message and data rates may apply. It's an interesting title of the book, Master of Me. There's a lot of connotations with that by the way. But why'd you call it that? And what does that actually mean? Because you've clearly to some extent mastered you with all of these things in your life that have been successful and really didn't even have a childhood like a normal one. So what does master of me mean and how does one begin to do that? Master of me, the reason why I chose master of me is because I was thinking about like I got the power, the power, and I was like, what would be in my... I feel empowered, I feel strong, I feel like I'm in the driver's seat of my life.

What would I call that? And I thought to myself, a master. I feel like I'm a master, I'm the master of me. And I was brainstorming because I was thinking about what I wanted to call my book and what this era of my life represented. And then that in itself kind of sparked my personal dialogue with me on going deeper into why and how I got to this place that I, even with every crazy situation, good, bad, the in-between that I've experienced, it was the mastery of how I dealt with that. And that's kind of what we're talking about before, you know what I mean?

But it goes through every aspect of your life, whether it's personal and intimate relationships or working relationships or externally living and existing in the world and whatever group that you feel attaches whatever kind of concepts to, it's the way that you master existing in that that allows you to move forward in life because you cannot master other people. You cannot master the world. You can master how you live in it. And I think for me as an entertainer, you know, I was often put, especially as a kid,

often put in this, no, I knew from the beginning that me and my family had a plan to get up out of poverty. And I had a skill, I had a talent, I had something I loved, but the real gift was bringing people together. And I never, ever saw the last stop being just entertainment. I always saw it being something greater because entertainment just feeds me.

Being a performer just feeds me, and I can divvy that out as much as I can to my community, but there's something greater there that I can do with the ability to bring people together because that's really what I do as a performer. I bring people together, whether I'm hosting Password and a family is hanging out, or I'm doing a movie like Heel and the Bee, and you don't even realize

there's a sports movie because it's so built into community. Whatever it is, I'm bringing people together. And so for me, it was important to say with this book that this has always been a part of our program. together. And so for me, it was important to say with this book that, you know, this has always been a part of our program. There was never a point in time where I was not aware or autonomous in my decision to maintain in this industry, to do my family business, to work hard like this, to be kiki, keep a bag palmer. You know what I mean? The person that is hustling for something greater.

I'm not a puppet, I'm the master. And I think that's so important. I always felt so irritated by that as a kid, because people kept seeing me like that. It was just so hard to combat because you're a kid and everybody thinks they know the answers and it was just too much. And so I think dealing with that and experiencing that,

and then also experiencing that just as like a black person and a black woman and everybody always is just like, went, went, went, went, went, went. And it's like, no, no, no, not went, went, went, went, went. I know what's going on. I know who you are. I know what you think of me. It doesn't bother me because I know who I am.

And I might use what you think of me against you and get further because of that. So no, no, no, it's not that way. And so for me, I think that was a big aspect of what I wanted to make sure was in the book from my personal standpoint, but also to really illustrate to anybody that you are controlling your narrative. No one can tell you how you choose to feel about something. And the reality is facts can be there, right? The fact is, this is a cup, but how I feel about that cup, that's up to me. I don't choose to believe this is a cheap cup. I choose to believe this is a cost-effective cup. This is a cup that allows me to drink the same way a glass cup would, but I chose this one because this is cost-effective, it's biodegradable. You know, you get to decide and you feel about

me. Let me ask you a question. I want to stay on that. I want to pretend I know something I don't. So you went that wern't wern't wern't wern't thing, right? You rubbed your eyes. If people listen to it on audio. Is what you were saying there that it could be true that there's a, you're not born on third base, but the fact, so you can accept that something's true, but not believe that you're a victim because of it. Is that what you're saying? That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. Because we all up against something. You know what I'm saying? I can tell you about me, okay? I've experienced some harsh things. You know, I grew up as a child entertainer. I'm a black person. I'm a woman. I'm, you know, whatever that you could say that would be like,

ooh, that could be tough. But instead of looking at those things as things that are, are make my life harder, I look at what make those things unique that make my life better, that make me sharper, that make me think differently. They give me a different perspective that makes me more ahead than the next person because they don't have my life experience. And I think that's important that we all do that. And it seems really difficult, but that is how you master yourself because what mastering yourself truly is, is mastering your mind. It's mastering your mind and deciding how you choose to think about things. Look, I don't know when the lights cut out, if God is going to be standing there saying,

Kiki, welcome baby girl. I don't know. None of us know because ain't none of us died and came back. But if I've got to think about and believe something, I don't believe the s*** that makes me think something good. I'm going to choose to believe something that's going to make me get up and keep going every day in this matrix that we got to live in. Oh my gosh, in my book, I'm not comparing books, but the second chapter of my book is about that matrix. I call it the matrix. I use the same term and I talk about your mind, even a part of your brain called the RAS,

which we're not going to get into today, but like I completely agree with you on that. And so you use the word narrative. Part of my work is I really believe that we as humans will do everything in our power to live in congruency or consistently with the story we tell ourselves. Yeah. And that's, so that thing you said a minute ago, I don't want it to slide by everybody. It would be easy to say, well, I'm a black woman. I was young. I had this, I had a sexual issue when I was young. And so because of that, I'm out of the game. It's not going to win. Or in my case, not to the same extent, but at welfare when I was a little boy.

Dad was a drug addict and alcoholic. Not the same thing. But I could make my own story up as to why I'm okay, justify and be an average and ordinary or screwed up myself. So, that part of the work in the book is about this narrative. What's one thing you wish every human being knew? That all the heroes have trauma. All of them. That's why narrative and storytelling is so important to me.

You know, that's why we want that. If you want to know why Marvel movies are so popular and even more popular now is because people can because people feel like, yeah, my aunt passed away. I didn't have my parents. I'm an orphan like Harry. I'm a so-and-so like whoever. I'm an outcast like Deadpool.

I don't fit the system. Whatever it is, that's the point of it. It's hard to believe sometimes when you're living in that, you know what I mean? Because your mind is telling you, everything is telling you that you're not the one, you're not gonna make it. But Oprah Winfrey isn't Oprah Winfrey

because of who she is today. She's who she is because of who she was in that small town before she could believe that she was gonna be Oprah Winfrey. She was the girl that went through all that trauma, all that hardship. And that's what made us love Oprah's because she was somebody that was imperfect.

And anybody that you love, anybody that has become inspiration, Tyler Perry, he lived in his car for years in New Orleans, okay. Grew up in a hard home, didn't have a lot. And now he's one of the richest people in America. So it's like, that's the truth. The truth is, and I remember being a kid and looking at entertainers and saying, when I thought about what I had gone through,

so-and-so went through that. That means I'm amazing. That means I'm gonna be great. I would actually believe, tell myself that because of any of the hardships that I had gone through, that I had been through, you know, that that's why I was going to get where I was going because that's the truth about heroes and people that do something greater than themselves.

It's because of the, it's because of the trauma that is that outmising of that, of the hardship that brings them to the, to where they are. Oh my gosh. So good. I my gosh, this is so good. I told you, this isn't like you're just talking to some actors that wrote a little book. You know what I mean? Like this isn't the real stuff. I wonder, I know it's in the book,

but I'm gonna phrase it a certain way. You kinda, as an actress, and I have enough friends that have done this young, that have become, you know, been in the industry a long time. It's easy to become like a perfectionist in your industry, right? Oh yeah. Okay. And the pressure to be perfect. And if there's one thing I see cost most people, their dreams,

forget acting, forget singing, forget producing. I'm talking about life. It's this notion that they're going to wait around to get started until they're perfect or they're afraid of making mistakes because of perfection. And you're pointing at me like you agree if you're on the audio. So will you talk about that for a minute? Yeah, that is the most crippling thing in the world. That is super duper crippling.

And it's like, you know, it's what we call when we say like perfectionism really is the fake face of procrastination. And I try to talk to people all the time that that's actually how you get where you're gonna go is through trial and error. You have to do the thing. Like I remember thinking back when I first started doing like my dance videos or even when I started doing

Lady Miss Jacqueline, it's this character that I do on my social media and people will be in the comments like what the fuck is this because it was like Looking little videos at first then eventually it went from like a little sketch to like a full-length story to then a book with Amazon So then a one-way they have gone so far But I'd use that as an example here to say like if I would have just said to myself Oh, it ain't perfect You know I can't do it waiting for the money waiting for the crew waiting for the I don't You know, I can't do it. Waiting for the money, waiting for the crew,

waiting for the, I don't even know, then I would have never had a moment of growth. You know what I'm saying? Like people gotta be ready for growth. You have to have the opportunity to do something so then you can look at it. You can read, okay, let me figure out how to do this, how to be a better producer, how to be a better writer,

whatever the framework of what it is you're doing. If it's a product, you product, if it's a book, you gotta write one for you can tell yourself it wasn't good enough. So I think it's like people have to know that, it's like one of those things where it's a part of the process, you cannot beat the process, you have to actually go through and learn and watch and know, that's to me like a big part of it

So in my mind, I think I've always had a really good support with my mother Always reminded me of this where it's like just do it just do it if it doesn't work out You don't have to put it out and if it does then that's good, you know, and also I speak a lot about Investments, I think you know in the book I talk a lot about investments. I think, you know, in the book I talk a lot about being an entrepreneur and that that doesn't always mean you're sitting on a bunch of cash. I think the conversation around entrepreneurialism

has to change because you do need to be an entrepreneur in this day and age. And it doesn't mean you're sitting in the office of a building that you made. It's not this big, gigantic thing. It really means a diversified portfolio. And the reason why you need this is because you need to have personal autonomy and not

feel completely crushed by the capitalistic overlord that we're all existing in. But if you have multiple avenues for work, it makes it easier to say no to things you don't want to say no to. And those multiple avenues don't have to be desk jobs, or they can be. You can have a nine to five, but then do Uber on the weekends. Or you can work in a hair salon part time and then go work as a teacher's aide. It's about, I'm working right now on a movie

and my prop guy also is a substitute teacher. He's an entrepreneur. That may not be the places that you're thinking when you're thinking entrepreneur, but that's an entrepreneur. And the reason why you have those jobs is so that when you do wanna do something that you're not 100% sure in when you do want to do something that

you're not 100% sure in, you can weigh the cash balance for the investment. And you can say, well, if I'm going to put $5,000 into this idea, I have that to lose. And I can have a backup job or this backup thing. And I know this plan is going to happen. And when I get my money's worth, if it's a picture a painting a movie a short film whatever it is you're doing that $5,000 you can look and you can see and you can weigh the options of how you maybe are going to get your money back or if this is going to be a proof of concept where you can go get some money from somebody else.

What does the future hold for business? Well let me tell you right now you can ask nine experts you're probably going to get ten different answers bull market bear market rates probably going to get 10 different answers. Bull market, bear market, rates are going to get cut, they're going to cut it five times, six times, inflation is going to go up or down, who the heck knows? You don't really have a crystal ball and that's why I love NetSuite because you can get some measure of control in the most important areas possible in your business. So if somebody can get a crystal ball together, that would be great, but until then, over 38,000 businesses have have future proofed their business with NetSuite by Oracle. The number one

cloud ERP bringing accounting, financial management, inventory, HR into one fluid platform. Easy to use, we've been using them now for over a decade. NetSuite helps you respond to immediate challenges and seize on your biggest opportunities. Speaking of opportunity, download the CFO's guide to AI and machine learning at netsuite.com slash my let. The guide is free to you at netsuite.com slash my let. Netsuite.com slash my let. See, one of my favorite parts of the book

is this part actually. And I want to ask you about that. Like, for me, being an entrepreneur, I can't sing and I can't act. Well, I've done a little acting, but I definitely can't sing. And so, part of my entrepreneurial journey, I've had lots of different businesses, but it's sort of like my art form, a way to express myself too. So, like driving Uber, if that was my second, that's not, that's a way to hustle, to generate cash. But like, I also encourage people like create a future for yourself, have some, if you have a job you don't like, do something

on the side. That like gets you interested, gives you passion, gives you juice, gives you the possibility of a brighter future, right? Maybe it's a form of expression. Maybe it's a problem you expression. Maybe it's a problem you solve. Maybe it's just something to keep you interested and get off of Netflix, right? But go do something. The other thing you're real about though, and I think a lot of people look at you or someone like you that's been successful in your industry and think, man, they're loaded. But there's stops along the way where most people probably wouldn't know. You can have financial struggles and still be crushing in your career at

the same time too, right? So talk a little bit about that. This will surprise people when they hear this. You definitely can because this is, um, it's a business still. So what I mean by that is in order for my brand to be the Kiki Palmer brand, I employ a lot of folks, you know, so that as much money is coming in, is as much money as coming out. And so, yeah, when I was about 18, 19, my cash flow and my cash out ratio were wildly different

because I had finished a show, I was no longer having a consistent check from that TV show, but all the expenses I had for my house and my team was all still the same because you know as an actor you're used to not having a job but you're after a while you're kind of like okay a job should have come by now and that's not what was happening for me and it was really really difficult I had to downsize with my family I had to rethink things but I learned a very valuable lesson which is again at that time I wasn't really living above my means,

but I learned to live really under my means. Because when you do have an independent contractor job, when you do have a freelance job like I do as an entertainer, you only have a job if somebody hires you. You know, it's important to live under your mean. What I mean by that is like, if you got $100,000 in the bank, then your house should be like $1,500 a month. Yes. You know what I mean? That's how under I mean by that is like, if you got $100,000 in the bank, then your house should be like $1,500 a month.

Yes. You know what I mean? That's how under I mean, because if something happens that you don't expect, right? It could be a health thing. It could be a, I'm just not getting booked. It could be COVID. Remember COVID?

Everybody was out of work. You need to be prepared for that. And I learned that lesson. That was the biggest thing for me was learning to live in extremely under my means so that I could prepare for any weird thing happening and still have enough cash saved that if my cash flow was impacted, I would not suffer because yeah, I mean, you know, I think that when it comes to any industry, when you are your own boss to a certain degree. You know, I have different companies that I work with, but essentially I'm my own boss.

Yep. You, you- Well, you have to live way below your means. I just want to jump in on this. That's a book, by the way. Yeah. Because you're so successful already and you think so clearly. I don't think, by the way, this is different if you're living at the poverty line.

I get all that. Even then you need to do it. But so I'm not talking about someone who's, you know, they're just trying to pay in their apartment rent right now. No matter what they do, they can't scale it down any lower. I know there are people listening to the show watching it that are in that place. I have also been in that place as a busboy and a bagger at a grocery store. I get all that.

Even then, stop with Starbucks. You don't need to have Netflix. Like learn to save 20 bucks a month. But the thing she just said, you guys, about extremely below your means is so counterculture. Most people live above their means or barely below it. And the margin for error in your life financially is so thin. It's just a matter of time before you flame out. You lose your job, something happens. Go ahead. I'm saying that's way too dangerous. What you're saying 100% true and it's way too dangerous and it leaves no room for you to really be in charge. You really then become a slave to the companies because you need the money. You have no freedom

of choice because you don't have the financial support. And so yeah, I do think people assume, because again, if you're not thinking from that point of view, you would not understand how somebody with, let's say a million dollars, how that could not really be enough money if they have their own business. You know why?

Because if they have a place where their people can come into the office, they're playing the bill on that. They're playing the bill on their home. If they have a kid, they're paying for their kids to have everything that they need. Then at that point that million goes probably down to, I would say 700,000. Then they have the taxes that they're going to be doing. That 700,000 immediately goes down to like 300,000, 400,000. And then from there they've got to pay all the people that they're

working with. So it's like that money goes faster than people assume. You know what I mean? I think when we hear these big numbers, we immediately assume that means that that person is profiting all of that. Or, you know, people go online and they look at all that net worth and they assume that that's what that person has sitting in that bank. That's not the case, at least not for me. You know what I'm saying? And I- No, it's also true when people say, I exited my company for 80 million. Okay, how much debt did they have on it? How many other investors were there?

And you hear these stories online, they exited for 100 million. I'm like, they got 4 million bucks, okay? Yeah, and that's what I tell people, that's the difference between reality and branding and publicity. You know, publishers are a thing. I didn't speak on it too much in this book,

but like, publishers, honey, they one of the best authors when it comes to narrative storytelling. They'll tell you, your apps are a tale. And you'll believe so. I remember when they did the essence cover for Raven and she always talks about how they said, she's worth $400 million. And she was like, the part they forgot to say was,

Disney was worth $400 million with my brand, not me. And it's like, that's the thing where we see all these, you know, tabloids or, or, or headlines and we assume that that's exactly what it is. But anybody- This is one of, this is one of the realest things ever talked about on my show is what we're telling her. I've never heard this covered on a podcast ever. Like the amount of people that you think have a lot of money cause of what they make or what they exited for is so grossly incre-

By the way, I'm about to do a podcast when we're done here. I'm shooting a solo episode. Check this stat out. There's very few people in the country that actually make a million dollars a year. You're talking about like half a 1% ever make a million dollars a year, right? Guess what else is common with that group of people? Seven times or 10 times the amount of bankruptcies as people that don't make a million dollars a year. So they end up going bankrupt more often than people that don't make a million

bucks a year. So the reason all this matters, you guys, why are we both telling you this? You may not be as far behind as you think. There's some real realities with being an entrepreneur. And if you live extremely below your means, go ahead. I want you to finish that thought extremely below. You're setting yourself up to succeed. You set yourself up to succeed because even some of these companies that you think are rich, they're trillions of dollars in debt.

So it's like don't let that be a marker for where you stop or you know what I mean? Like these again, this is a part of the process falling, but it's getting back up again. It's always the recovery that makes everything the difference. It's not what happened. It's how you recovered from it. So good. You guys got to get the book, by the way. You got to get the book. And by the way, I'm gonna give you the title of it again. And then I got like a couple more things I want to ask you about. This has been so good. So grateful we made this happen today.

What sign are you? I'm a Taurus. Okay. One of my perfect matches. Earth sign. I'm Virgo. See, Virgo. There you go. I actually Taurus and Virgo are good matches. I actually have been told that before. Master of me, you guys, the secret of controlling your narrative and the narrative controls everything. Okay. Part of the narrative though, I don't think people don't, you know, you get a little hate when you're not doing anything. You use the word backlash in the book.

So once you try to kind of break out from where you are in your life, by the way, your industry is like, oh my gosh, probably worse than anywhere with backlash. So like, what would you tell somebody who's like, all right, you know what? I'm gonna start mastering my life. I'm gonna step out and do something. What would you tell them about what's coming if they do from other people? Just people putting limitations on you. And the most time, I think we, the best part that you can do is not take it Take it personal and I know that that is like a flea shaped thing. Don't take a personal dresser because it feels personal

But you really do have to resist the urge because when you resist the urge then you're able to inform yourself on the real reason As to why they're responding that way and then now that weight is pushed off of you that it's no longer being Projected onto you because what they're actually projecting onto you are their limitations. What do I mean by that? Well, if I've told myself all my life that because I'm this and because I'm that, I'll never be anything and you become it. Well, now I have to be accountable to me.

So now I have to tell you something that's going to stop you, that's going to thwart your success. It's going to make you question or second guess for the simple fact that I need to know that I didn't waste my life believing the lies that people told me. And so then at that point, it's kind of sad. And then you have compassion for them,

you can wish them well, and you can move on. Because that's usually what happens. I've realized that, and I've gone through it many times in my life, where my jumping into a new thing and me being a multi-hyphenate or me deciding to host and also be a you know, an actor that is currently that is a steady working that

apparently not being possible or not being okay, you know, all those different things. I've experienced people telling me that for whatever reason they weren't going to work or they weren't going to be possible or this wasn't thing, that wasn't thing. But the other thing you have to remember too, is that nobody knows what your journey is and what you're headed to do. People don't have the idea for you that you have for yourself.

And that's why your relationship with the companies and the people that you work with has to be very clear on what you're coming there to get. Are you coming there to get a check? Are you coming there to build a relationship? Are you coming there to build a relationship and get a check? Are you coming there to get a check? Are you coming there to build a relationship? Are you coming there to build a relationship and get a check? Are you coming there to get in good

with the company that they're working for? What is your angle? And so for me, my angle has always been to build a brand that I can establish enough to get access points that I wouldn't have gotten otherwise unless I went to some Ivy League college so that I could really be, you know, the boss of something. So I could really be able to extend my brand to help my community, to build greater narrative

stories that could help uplift my community. It was always to be from an observer standpoint. I never wanted to just be Mickey Mouse. I always wanted to be Walt Disney. So when people would be talking to me about what I needed to do and what they were thinking that I was trying to be, talent. So, you're wrong. My dreams are so much bigger

than what your dreams are for me. So that's the other thing is, you know, A, people are projecting onto you their ideas and their limitations. B, or two, is people don't know what you see for yourself. So your trajectory, your timeline, your path is built by you. That's your personal blueprint

based off of where you're trying to go, not where they think you should go. I mean, a lot of people, their highest goal for me was to win an Oscar. I don't need to win an Oscar. It's great if I win an Oscar, but that's not my, that's the goal for me was to win an Oscar. I don't need to win an Oscar. It's great if I win an Oscar, but that's not my goal. That's the goal for somebody that maybe just wants to be an actor and even just a really profound

dramatic actor, I guess, because it doesn't mean what it means to you that it means to me. I would much more rather be somewhere in a position where I can give opportunities, the opportunities that I needed. You know what I mean? Being a real, not be the player on a game, but be the coach, be the actual owner of the team.

That was my thought process. Well, that's what you're doing. What do you think makes people happy? I'm just curious. You and I are both blessed that we know a lot of people that a lot of people think they would want to know, right? And you know, one of the things that kind of struck me a little bit as I, you know, started doing the show and getting to know people, you know, I don't know that people with a lot of money are any happier than people without.

What do you think, one, do you agree with that? Was it, did it surprise you even as a little girl when you would meet some of these actors or whatever, producers that kind of, their attitudes, their real happiness level, A, and then B, what makes them happy? What makes people happy? I 100% agree with you. You know what I mean? I mean, money takes away some problems

that maybe affect your happiness, but money does not make you happy. And I remember people always would say that too about like dating and stuff like that. They get you a man that, trust me, the man that make a lot of money is a asshole just as much as the one that don't. People are people, it's an individual thing.

It's not about the money they have in their pocket or not. So I think a lot of things make people happy. One thing that I think makes people happy that we're missing a lot, especially in these times where yeah, people wanna make it and it's pushing a real, when I these times where, yeah, people want to make it and it's pushing a real, you know, when I say a capitalistic mind, I'm meaning like a super like independent mindset, you know, so where you're just thinking about yourself. And again, this society, the level of poverty that people live in the end, I understand and I get it. But what really

makes people happy to me, one of the things is community, a real sense of community. Having people that you sacrifice for, that sacrifice for you, people that you are, you know, that you have, that you love, that you care about, that y'all are going through things together that have your back and you have their back, you know? It's like the umbuntu philosophy.

I am cause you are, and you are cause I am. You know, this sense of communal love, I think we need more of that. And it's lost, it's like to the top. You end up on that mountain alone and that's why your ass is unhappy. I think another thing is people's sense of value. People are happy when they feel valued,

but because we live in such a consumerist, you know, again, Western culture, and everything is told that happiness is outside of us and value and attachment to that is outside of us. But that's not true. You don't necessarily want that outfit or want that new body or want this new thing because you really want it. You want it because you want to feel a value. And no one can really tell you, this is when it gets difficult, right, on what makes me happy,

is only you can figure out what makes you feel a value on a real, real level. You know what I'm saying? Like you want to feel a value in your beauty. Well, that might be dependent upon you and how you're loving yourself and giving to yourself. Not just like what superficially, but truly are you doing the things

that you wanted you to do? You know, those are really big questions that I think a lot of people don't wanna ask that end up making them just make the easy cut. Okay, well really it's not because I gotta do this inner work and I gotta be accountable to me, it's really because I need that new hairdo. It's really because I need that new makeup.

They're just easily going towards something that's gonna be a quick pacifier to the real deeper issue. So the sense of value, which comes from building self worth and esteem and choosing yourself in every scenario, think that's also what makes people happy. And I think, yeah, and accountability, which is again, a lot of these are in connection to itself, but being accountable to oneself, that's always gonna make your ass happy, always.

Yeah, yeah. When do you, let me ask you this last, by the way I enjoyed this so much, we kind of went a little bit deeper than even I knew we were going to, you're outstanding, you're just, you're awesome. So are you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Are you happy? And when have you been the happiest in your life? Like truly, like right now are you happy? Or is there another time you're like, I was most happy then? I do honestly believe that I'm the most happiest

in my life right now. And the reason why I would say I'm the most happiest in my life right now is because so much terrible shit have happened. And what I mean by that is when hard shit happens in your life, it's almost like a situational accelerator. Like it pushes you, it puts you forward. Shout outs to Boots Riley, he gave me that word.

Because I think it forces you to be real, either you cannot be real or you can accept the task and be real and see and look at what you needed to look at and learn. And I think for me, I went through a lot with after having my son and just having so much pup things out in the public. Now, if you would have told me any of that

would have been happening or I would be sharing or talking and experiencing any of the things have been happening or I would be sharing or talking and experiencing any of the things I was experiencing in the last few years if you had told me that at 16 I would have been like, oh my gosh, I kill myself like I would be mortified horrified But because I embrace the reality, you know, and I did not go back I said what is what is God showing me? What is the universe trying to show me? What do I have to learn? How do I lean into this?

How do I move through this? How do I accelerate through this situation and come out on the other side? You know, once I did that, I was happy. I think, so I think that brings me to another thing. It's like not lying to yourself. You cannot lie to yourself. I don't care if you lie to other people. You ain't gotta tell them all your business, but don not lying to yourself. You cannot lie to yourself. I don't care if you lie to other people,

you ain't gotta tell them all your business, but don't lie to yourself. Do not lie to yourself. And I think this is a situation that, again, turning 30, being 31, experiencing all these things, I think it would have been real easy to just lie to myself. Yeah.

But I didn't lie to myself. And that was me being accountable to me. And that made me feel of value. You know what I'm saying? Then I had my community and they showed up for me. So I had my community. I had value based off of the way that I was showing up for myself.

I was accountable to me. I wasn't lying to me. And I'm happy. Now, does that mean that I'm always smiling and that every day is a perfect day and I'm always in a good mood? That's not what happiness means. You know, it's still emotion at the end of the day.

Really what I feel is contentment and I feel security in my life and I feel gratitude in my life because of everything I've gone through, I'm able to sit back and be thankful and be grateful and know that life is gonna be filled I've gone through. I'm able to sit back and be thankful and be grateful and know that life is going to be filled with up and downs. But because I know who I am and I have my family, I'm always going to be okay on the outside of it all.

Wow. You're exceptional. Like I could listen to you all day. There's a way that you speak that I really like listening to but I really like what you say. And um, your level of wisdom, I, you're an old soul with like a young spirit. I mean, just the level of wisdom at your age. Like if you're not all watching this, you know who she is, but like you're talking about a young woman here to have this much wisdom. You just lived a lot in 30 something years. You've lived a lot and it's obvious. I also just want to tell you, just because I do this part of this for a living, you need to be on stage just too. More and more.

Oh my god, that is such an honor. Thank you for saying, thank you for all the words that you're saying because man, I gotta take it. This is the type of stuff I love to do, you know what I'm saying? Like when I'm acting or whatever I'm doing, it's a version of me being able to bring us to these kinds of conversations. Like this is what I live for. What else, what else are we doing if we're not talking about this? You know, we gotta talk about that. Yeah, well you're capable of it. What this today was, was a situational accelerator

for a whole bunch of people who listened to it. I'm stealing that for sure too. So Kiki Palmer is exceptional. I already knew that as an actress and as a person who can sing and produce, but like this is totally different level stuff here. So thank you for today so much. No, thank you. I'm coming back in person, man. You gotta make sure my seat is ready. We got to get it.

I told you, I told you next time it's mandatory in person. All right, y'all, go follow her on social master of me. Go get it. The secret of controlling your narrative. It's so good. You can tell, by the way, we barely touched on the book. So there's a bunch to go read as well that we didn't cover here on the show. God bless you everybody. Max out.