THE ED MYLETT SHOW - Master The Art Of Communication w/ John Maxwell

Episode Date: August 1, 2023

WORDS have POWER. This episode will teach you how to HARNESS that power by becoming a master communicator.Simply put, JOHN MAXWELL is one of the GREATEST COMMUNICATORS who has ever lived. He is a #1 New York Times bestselling author who has sold over 24 million books and trained more than 5 million leaders in 180 countries. He has trained High-Achieving Leaders across the globe and has dominated the business leadership industry. He has transformed individuals, communities, corporations, and countries all around the world and was named #1 leadership expert of all time by Inc. Magazine. It is my honor to welcome JOHN MAXWELL back on the show.In this interview, you’ll get a sneak peek into his new book, 16 UNDENIABLE LAWS OF COMMUNICATION: APPLY THEM AND MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR MESSAGE. It's packed with valuable strategies that will up your leadership game by leaps and bounds, just like this interview.We’re bringing you an hour of practical and actionable communication skills including insights on:The 3 Stages of CommunicationWINGING IT vs. WORKING AT ITThe LAW OF CONNECTINGThe power of telling a GREAT STORYHow to Tell “ME” STORIES with a “YOU” MEANINGKey Lessons from 13,000 Speaking EngagementsThe difference between talking about FAILURES vs. SUCCESSESThe power and anticipation of THE PAUSEHearing THE WHISPER of THE HIGHER VOICEThe 4 Fs of connecting with your audienceHere’s one of John’s best pieces of advice on communication:Just like in football, GOOD coaches always have a plan. GREAT coaches make half-time adjustments.Grab a pen and paper and dive into this communication MASTERCLASS!

This is the end my let's show. All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. You know, every once in a while, I like to use my platform to highlight an up-and-comer. You know, like a rookie. Just somebody who needs some elevation in their life. And so today is one of the things I'm just kidding. This, my guest today is writing his 88th book. He is a legend. He is a mentor to me. He's a friend. I'm getting emotional already. And he is a hero of mine. And I aspire to be more like him in my life.

And I'm so grateful that he's in my life. I'm so grateful that he's going to share this time with us today for the third time on the show. And every time he's on, the downloads go crazy. And he's also one of the greatest communicators who's ever lived. And he's written a book about it. And if anybody is qualified to write this book, it is this man. His new book is called the 16 undeniable laws of communication. Apply them and make the most of your

message. And he does it every time I'm with him. John Maxwell, welcome back to the show brother. And it's so good to be with you. And when you're talking about my stuff, let me tell you something, I could just flip that and did toe right back to you. My gosh, you talk about great communicators. Every time I hear you, you just take me to a whole new level. I learn from you. And so I love you very much. And I love the impact.

I love your heart for people. And I love the impact that you're making around the world. And every time we had you come out and do our live-to-lead conference last year that went all around the world and I'm telling you and they're still they're still talking about your talk and it just had it just in fact I had to come up after you were done and follow you and I really wanted to get up and just say it's over I mean you know know, there's, there are sometimes when the benediction is so good, you don't need another benediction, just kind of close it and go home and you just

killed it. You killed it. We're still changing that ball. We haven't found it, but people tell us it's in one direction, so we're still trying to find it. But I love you and I love being on your show and thanks for having me and let's have some fun with the people. Yeah, I gotta tell you, thank you. That was one of the most nervous times I've ever had speaking because it was you and you're sitting in the front row and I wanted to do such a good job.

I don't know how it's so emotional today. Well, you kept, well, let me tell you something. You killed it. I think you did. It just moved me and the people. I mean, they're still talking about the talk. And so anyway, whatever, whatever. Whatever, whatever. Go ahead, what we gonna say. I mean, they're still talking about the talk and thank you. So anyway, well, you're going to say,

whenever we're together, it works. You know, it just works. It does. But when you're on the stage, you listen. By the way, John's not just a great communicator on the stage. He's incredible, as you can see here, but also one-on-one in his presence.

He's just, he has this disability to make you feel like the most important person. Well, here's what he does. He makes an impact. And that's what he teaches you in this book. And I read the whole book, John, by the way, you just got it to me. And it's like any of your books, like I can read them more than one time, and I can usually read them in one or two settings because they're easy reads. You do something you talk about in the book settings because they're easy reads. You do something you talk about in the book when might as well just start there. You have the ability to take really complicated things and make them seem simple. And you talk about that as actually one of the laws in the book of being able to be a great communicator. Is that something that you do? I'm sure you do

it intentionally, but do you do it naturally? Well, I do it intentionally. Let me say this, I was a good student but I was a great student. And so, a lot of times when I was in college or in a classroom, I would want the professor to break it down and make it much more simple. I would look around the room and I said am I the only one that's having a hard time here and not maybe grasping and learning like I need to. And so, really as a student, I worked on helping. When I would hear a talk, I would say, how could that be reduced so I can apply it to my life?

And so, it almost started as a student. And I learned to reduce things and bring them down. And I tell people all the time I'm a communicator not an educator You know an educator takes something simple and makes it complicated. I mean, that's just who they are I mean honestly if you're in the education world if you're not confused They're not pleased. You know what I'm saying and And then a pathetic community here takes something complicated makes simple. And so my whole goal is to make things very palatable for people.

One of the things I teach in the book is the fact that if you have to keep explaining what you just said, you haven't said it right the first time. I mean, and how many times we have a person explain and explain that, just sit there and think, why didn't you take some time on the front end to simplify this so that everybody can apply it to their life?

And there are three, real quickly. There are three kind of, I take the simplistic. I start with simplistic. And simplistic is not good. It's fast and it's easy, but it's not really deep and helpful. it's easy, but it's not really deep and helpful. And it's a half truth, it's never a whole truth. So if I say things like, experiences the best teacher, that's a simplistic statement.

But it's not true. If it were true, then as people got older, everybody get better. And I know how much people, they're getting older, but they're not getting better. The experiences isn't helping them at all. Although experience is not the best teacher, reflection and learning from that experience is the best teacher. So, so how do I get from experience of the best best teacher to reflection and learning from experience of best teacher?

Well, you've got to go from simplistic to complicated or complex. In other words, you've got to wrestle with the statements. And you've got to contextually take them from every angle until you can come to something that is really solid and something that is really true and something that really works. And so just as simplistic as easy and fast, complex, complicated is slow and deep. But once you come through that, you know, and it takes a while to do that, once you come through it on the on the simple side now, it's fast, but it's deep. And there were people can grab it real quick and they go home and they think about it and and they just they just can't they can't can't get away from it. Like when you book, when you book the when you're in the book

the power one more, that is so simple. Mm-hmm. That you can grasp it immediately, but you can't, you have to spend a lot of time on it to work it out in your life. What a great point. Yeah, what a great point. And so here's the issue. I think in communication, when I was young, when I was young communicator, I saw that I had charisma and I saw that I could probably get by on stage with having fun with people and enjoying them and making them laugh. And I came to this decision, am I going to, am I going to wing it or am I going to work for it?

And I was tempted to wing it because I could wing it and I could get by with it. See, here's the challenge. When you're gifted in a certain area, you can wing it and still be successful. Right. You can be in that top 20%. Yes. But to work for it, that's a whole different game. And in the law of simplicity, you have to work for this. You have to work for work. Simple is hard work. But if you work for it, you get the top 2%. Yeah. And so what I tell people all the time is the tendency and the temptation is in giftedness

is you don't give it all because you just don't have to give it all. I mean, it's just, it comes. But because you don't give it all, you do well, but you don't do very, very well. But if you would just work on that area of giftedness, you'd get that top 2% and you know as well. So if you're in the top 2%, whatever it is you own, whatever you want to own, the world is yours. And so simple, I decided at a very young age in my 20s, I was going to work for it. I was just going to work for it. And I spent a lot of time. This morning I was right, I write every day. This morning I was writing and I was wanting to make a statement

and I worked on a statement probably for 40 minutes and I would write it and I said that's not quite right. I don't know Still if it and then finally about 20 minutes, I thought okay. I got it. There it is There it is so I get up and I make the statement and people say, oh my gosh, the guy just that just flows out of him No, no, it didn't flow out of me. It didn't either it had a cook and Work it inside of me a long time and but I get it to the place where it flows out of me But yeah, it doesn't flow Good stuff doesn't happen automatically

You know what I tell people that I do that too that are other speakers, I kind of watch oftentimes their face kind of glaze over like you really do that. I say I do because I do want to I want to be as effective as I can. By the way, I should have started out by saying to everybody that you can go to 16 laws of communication.com and that's with the one six in it. 16 laws of communication.com. You get the book and I guess there's favorable pricing in there too. You can actually get it for less. So 16lawsofcunication.com and you'll get it. Listen, I can just say this with all conviction in the world, the best books I've read collectively

in my life are John's books. And the best speaker that I admire that I look up to is John. So when he writes a book on this topic, it is something that you need to have. And for the record everybody, some of you who were listening to going, I'm afraid to speak. I don't know that I should be one. And one of the brilliant things in the book is, and I'll have you talk about this, John, is that a great speaker, and I have found this, I think when I was young, when I would speak,

if I'm being honest, part of it was about me, probably a significant part, meaning I want to do impress them. I wanted to wow them. I wanted them to think I was great. That did a few things. One, I made less of a connection. But two, it put tremendous pressure on me because it was about me. And a lot of you that are afraid of speaking, that would probably be great at it, it's because

you're approaching it already from it being about you. And if you would just shift the impact to the service of others, your peace about even trying to do it would change. And you'd be a 10 times better speaker. So that's one of the laws in the book too. So we might as well start there, because I think some people need to come into this tent

of speaking, John, to the tent of communication that thinks they don't belong in our tent and they do belong in the tent, their flawed thinking is they think it's about them and that creates anxiety and fear, which is sort of ego driven. So talk about that for a second. 100% my friend, 100%.

It's the law of connecting. And the law of connecting just simply says, communicators know that it's all about others. It's all about others. It's all about others. And I can identify exactly. When I started speaking, it was all about me. I mean, I hope they like me. I hope I say it, right?

Did I say it, right? Oh my gosh. And it became like a, I was a nervous bundle. Yes. Because I was, man, I hope I did okay. So when people say, John, what's the one thing? I mean, I know there's 16 laws, but what's the one thing to be a great communicator?

Well, the one thing, Ed, is you have to get over yourself. You just have to get over yourself. It is not about me, it's about the audience. It's not about me, it's about the small group I'm dealing with. It's not about me, it's about the one person I'm talking to, having a one-on-one conversation. It's all the audience. It's not about me. It's about the small group I'm dealing with. It's not about me It's about the one person I'm talking to have it a one-on-one conflict. It's all about them and Until I can get over myself because if I can't if it's about me I can't I can't really add value to you if I'm thinking about me I'm not that good. I don't have the ability to think about me and think about you and be good on both ends

I'm a little limited. Maybe somebody maybe some people can but I can't so if it's and think about you and be good on both ends. I'm a little limited, maybe some people can, but I can't. So if it's gonna be about you, I've gotta be thinking about you and I've gotta be focused on you. And very quickly, you'll realize, John really wants to help me and add value to me. I mean, it's contagious and it's that connection. So I tell people to get over themselves.

And so what we did it when when this book released we did a video and I told the people that were produced and I said I want to start the video in the audience. I said I want to I don't want to you to shoot me on stage. And I was in the audience all by myself sitting in a chair and they zoomed in me and I said, this is where great speaking begins right here. I have to constantly be thinking about the people and how can I connect with them? What can I say?

How can I help them? Where are they? You have to find them before you can lead them. You don't start leading people. You just don't start speaking. You have to lead them. You don't start leading people. You just don't start speaking. You have to find them. And as soon as you find them now, all of a sudden, you have to quit. So, this whole get over myself. Let me tell you a fun story. There's a company in Nashville. This guy has a very successful writing company.

And he's read my books. He's fact he came to me. I didn't know. I mean, he said, I built my business off your stuff. And he said, you ought to write songs based on your books. Well, I looked at him and said, man, I've never done that before. But, you know, me, I'm 76. But I keep growing. I keep learning. I mean, why not try this?

So I went to Nashville and he put me in the studio with like, the guys, the wrote number one hits. So I mean, big hits. They were, you know, I'm like, I always say, if you're at the head of the class, you're in the wrong class, well, I should even have been in the class on this one. I mean, these guys were pros, and I'm in there throwing that. And so we took the book on the laws of communication.

And I said, I would like to use the getover myself theme. And so we wrote a song called Get Over Mys and and so if you're a listers oh I got to go wherever you put you know I don't know where you get your your music but wherever you get it just you know get get over myself and the course says and the course says it all is it I got to find myself to know myself I got to know myself to be myself I got to be myself to improve myself I got to improve myself, I got to know myself, to be myself. I got to be myself to improve myself. I got to improve myself so I can get over myself so I can give myself to you.

Oh wow, you know, that's very good. And the song is going crazy. The song's going crazy. I got an element from my book, Make Today Count, called Day by Day. And I got, my sometimes wins, sometimes you learn or songs will come out next month. But I'm having a blast writing these songs.

And of course, again, I'm the least of the least. And they're so kind, they even let me in the studio with them. But I'm throwing this stuff up and we're just, we're having a blast. But I tell you, the moment that you think about the audience and I can hardly wait to speak. I'm not nervous at all. I can hardly wait to speak because I want to go out and I want to give them something that is going to help their life. And that is so fulfilling and so enriching to me that it gets me over

anything that is about me. Yeah. Are you getting reater when a Grammy? This will be, you're gonna win a day in Grammy for your music now. I just want to say something. I have no idea, but I know I'm having fun. You know, again. I don't know if y'all understand this. John's 76 years old.

And I think you all go, hey man, you at you work hard. They see my social media and my pace. And I am you this is not this is not I'm not being nice John is everywhere all the time crushing Crushing it yet like before we went on he's told me about golf that he just played. There's a way to have I think one of the keys to longevity is that you do live a full rich life But you do bust your tail the entire time. John is, I've been with John's, but I just got back from Europe. I'm going here. Now I'm in Tennessee. Oh, I got to fly to California. I'm getting my gosh. Am I getting out work by John?

And by the way, you can tell his enthusiasm level is through the roof as well. I want to ask you this though. Did you just say you're not nervous when you speak? Do you not get nerves at all anymore? No. No. Have you had it? I think you tell a story though. Did you just say you're not nervous when you speak? Do you not get nerves at all anymore? Not at all. No. Have you had it? I think you tell a story though a time you did. I think you're going to Boston.

I think it's going to Boston maybe. Oh my gosh. Yeah, I study you. So you're going to Boston as I think the story goes, you were replacing a speaker or something. But there's a great lesson in this story. Do you know the one I'm talking about? Oh yeah, you talk about Peter Lowe, and he had his seminars again. And he called me one day. And I was home. And he said that, oh gosh, the guy that was Superman in the movies. Chris Reeves. Reeves. Christopher Reeves. Christopher Reeves.

Okay. He was sick and he was the last speaker on the day and he said, I can't speak today. And so Peter says, he called me and said, John, can you get up to Boston and and and and and fill in? I said, well, yeah, so I jumped on a plane. I went up to Boston and I got there just maybe 30 minutes before I was supposed to speak. And so I'm kind of backstage or get me all hooked up. And then I find out they haven't told the crowd. Hello. They haven't told the crowd. And the Christopher Bereza's sick, it isn't going to be here the crowd. They've been staying all day waiting for Superman

to come and show And I'm and I'm back today saying you haven't told them yet. What do you mean? What are you doing to me? They're looking for Superman. They're they're not gonna get Superman They're gonna get the Pillsbury doughboy They're not getting the pills buried don't boy They're not getting superman again fat man, what I mean I Kid you not they went out right before I'm now they're all Chris for East Here you come superman's about to come sure and they should we're so sorry, you know Christopher He's couldn't come today

We have John Maxwell. Well, 300 people get up. I walk out as I'm coming out on stage, they're already leaving. I mean, they're already leaving. And then when they see me and other 200 people get up and they are there. And it's like, it's like horrible.

And I looked at him and of course all you could do is you just start laughing and say, you know, I'm so sorry, you know what I'm saying. Now, the good news is once I started speaking, no one else laughed. But it's, yeah, I mean, hello, I mean, who's going to replace Superman? Did you say something when you came out to grab their attention or to get them or to connect with them? Did you say something that saved me? I said, guess what? I'm not Superman.

I'm in trouble and you're going to have to help me. But if you'll stay with me, I'm going to help you. And you know what I did, I got them on my side. Really what I did is I, what you do in cases like this like the international audience when I speak internationally, I ask them questions all the time. I'll say now I want to tell you a story but does this happen in your in your culture and sometimes I'll say yes and I'll say okay let me tell you what happens is if you do that you engage them and very quickly they become an ally and they get on your side and and so they help

When they realized that I wasn't Superman, they said well fat man needs my help. I'm gonna hang it with him And they did and and so it came out okay, but obviously I was set up. I mean I was set up for there's no there's no good They think about I mean when I saw that on back never in my life Have I been more tempted to turn around. Oh my gosh. I can't even imagine. Hey, not only a Superman sick, fat man just got sick too. You know, I can't just be crying. I'm actually crying thinking about it. And by the way, you guys, I know that because he's my dear friend, I say this, but I want you to get this book, I just really believe that more people could be great communicators than believe

that actually think they can be. And so go to 16lawsaccommunication.com and get John's book. The thing that John, I think, is maybe the best I've ever seen at, and it's one of the laws, it's law number 12 in the book. You have to read the book to get all the laws everybody. We're gonna go through a few of them today.

But one of the laws in the book, and by the way, you all are good at this, you just need to work on the skill because there's certain areas of your life, you're already great at it. And that is that I think great speakers, in fact, my favorite people to be around at a dinner or a lunch are storytellers.

People who can tell a story. And law number 12 is the law of storytelling, which you just did so well right there. But elaborate on that a little bit of, because I watch a lot of speakers throw a bunch of facts and PowerPoint and slide this and slide that. And I'm like, facts tell, but story sell, right? Like I want to hear a story. I'm going to remember the story.

So talk about that a little bit. Well, you know, when I think of you with us the last time you're talking a lot about the story of your father, you know, it just think of you with us the last time you're talking a lot about the story of your father Mm-hmm. You know, it just what it does is it humanizes the speech When you tell a story Immediately you're telling their story Because when I tell a story we all have commonness in our life and all of us have commonness and experiences. That's why when you're in a group and somebody tells a story what's it do it triggers somebody

else's oh and I remember doing and all of a sudden you're going around the table and you're just bouncing off each but what happens is stories stimulate our own personal journey and our own personal stories and it becomes something that everybody can identify with. I grew up as a theolog, so I was trained in theology. And basically, one of the things they taught me, which was terrible, is they said, don't tell personal stories. Because it'll make people think that you're kind of like a narcissist or an ego maniac.

So for my first year, I didn't tell any personal stories. I just told stories. They were good. But one day, I just told a personal story and everything came alive. And what I found out was that when I tell my story, it lives in me. story it lives in me and it has, when I'm teaching our lesson or I'm speaking, I can either transfer information from me to you, which is not effective all, or if it goes through me to you, there's a difference between coming from me to you and through me to you. And so whenever I'm doing my writing of a lesson, I always make sure that I have some personal illustrations in it. And the other thing is, I ask myself when I'm doing that, do I live this? Is this something I'm living? Because when I was

young in my twenties, I made an important decision that I was only going to teach what I lived and what I believed. And I just wasn't going to teach it. And so there are a lot of things I don't teach at all. And some of them are probably very good, but I just don't live them. I maybe don't believe them. And what I found is personal conviction. Moral authority comes from the life that you've lived. And so we teach you

what we know, but we reproduce who we are. And add stories are who we are. And they're so transferable to people, remember numbers, to people that remember stats. I don't even use like I don't know charts and things like that. Honestly, and the reason I don't use them is because I never understood them myself. And so it's kind of like if I can't figure them out, if you can't figure them out, you sure can't teach them. That's for sure. And so, but stories live that they have they have breath to them. And they draw the people in immediately. And when you, you know, when you, again, when you were at our conference, you were so superb, you were so superb. When you started

talking about your relationship with your dad, everybody had a relationship with a dad. Yeah. By the way, so did you. I want to acknowledge something about you. I want to say one thing everybody. I'm just sitting here listening to you. I was thinking, man, this is pretty cool for people who listen to two of the more, you know, more sought after speakers in the world talk about this topic. And then the best, John, has written this book about it. But that day, so by the way, what I try to do is try a me's story with a you meaning. Oh, yeah.

Meaning? Yeah, meaning I'm telling a story about me, but you're getting your own meaning from it. That's an important key, everybody, when you tell stories. And John's the master at this. But that day, the other thing it does is it gives you more dimension. So what they see when you walk out on stage is the current version of you. And when you begin to tell stories about different times in your life, it gives you dimension

and it actually alters their perspective and time of you. So even that day, and I know you well, after I spoke, it doesn't matter what the story was everybody, but John then got up and actually, I don't know if you remember this, John, you talked about your dad and lessons he had taught you and what a prayerful good man he was in lessons. And what it did, it's interesting because even now when I see you, it's different. I just want to tell you the impact the story can have. I pictured you as a little boy. And so I've always admired you as a mentor, but you're older than me. You were always like, when I started in this space, the first book I read was your leadership book, right?

The Irrifu to a Laws of Leadership. And so I've always pictured you at this version of your life. And when you started to tell this story about your dad, it switched and now I could see you as a little boy. And then I saw you in your 30s, because the story was from those times. And it gave a depth and a connection that went far deeper, not just the story, but a different time in our lives gives you

a dimension when you speak. And it's actually, now when I see you, I actually see the little boy and the man that I admire. And it's very deep connection when somebody does that. And that day you were emotional speaking about your dad as well But I just want to acknowledge that something that that I noticed when you did it that day for me because I watched a lot of speakers Can I jump in on it just for a second? Because this is so helpful Because I love I love your dimension phrase because that's exactly right if if I could have one wish granted um You see people are sending me on the back end and they're sending me where all the success is and you know,

it's compounded through the years. It's just compound. And what I say is in the beginning, you're not as bad as people think you are, but if you do it right in the end, you're not as good as people think you are, because it compounds. And if I had one wish yet, it would be that people could have seen me in the beginning. What would they see? Well, they would have seen a person that wasn't a very good communicator. They would, they would have, here's why I want them to see me in the beginning. If they saw me in the beginning beginning Everybody would have great hope for themselves

That if they saw me in the beginning every person would say I can do that That's as reachable as could be that guy wasn't that good. I could I can bore people for 35 minutes like he just bored me I and and and it would it would be so much because one of the things I don't like about success is it separates us from people. And I hate that. I don't want fans, I want friends. I want to close that gap. But at this age, it's hard to close that gap because I mean, okay, I've spoken 13,000 times

in over a hundred countries of the world. Of course, I'm a great communicator. If I can't communicate after 13,000 times, go home. You chose the wrong profession. Go home, boy. But what people don't understand, it was the practice. It's the, it's, you, you, you cannot separate action from success. And you can't separate intentional practice from success and so after 13,000 times of course I'm good because I've been practicing and practicing and practicing just like the people that are on the podcast right they'll be good too but if they could have seen me on the front end

interesting it would have helped them because that's where they are when you talked about the dimensions of stories, when we tell stories about different times in our life, it does help people see us in another dimension that is very helpful for the learning and the growth. But I don't like the separation that's successful. I have heard it. I wish that I wish there was a way to I have horrid. I wish there was a way to close that gap because you don't help people when you're separated from people.

You only help people when you're beside them and you walk with them and they can connect with you if that makes sense. Yeah, you said something to me once. I'll mess the quote up, but I actually quote you when I speak because I also believe self-deprecation, making funny yourself is a great way to connect with people.

If it's true and sincere, right? When you speak. Oh, come on. And I mess the quote-deprecation, making funny yourself, is a great way to connect with people. It's true and sincere, right, when you speak. Oh, call it. And I messed the quote up all the time, but I actually quote you in the current version of what I'm talking about. I quote something you said to me. I quoted it incorrectly, but it goes along these lines that, you said to me, add something like, if you really want to impress people, show them how perfect you are. But if you want to connect with people, reveal to them your imperfections. It's an impressive impact. Impress impact.

If you want to impress people, talk about your success, you want to impact them, talk about your failures. The reason I think that's important is because I think a lot of people think they have to have all these impressive things they've achieved in their life prior to making an impact on people. Now, I do believe you should have some type of a track record and have done something when you're speaking about it. But I don't believe you have to be this tremendous success in order to make an impact. In fact, I think sometimes that your proximity to the audience in terms of how far you are from them and your success, some of that proximity is

actually a really good thing and that that success does separate you if you're not careful from the audience. One of the things that you do when you speak, this is subtle and it's maybe too subtle to share on the podcast, but I watch it in you and it's something that I think is, it's probably one of the only other two laws we'll cover because I want them to get the book. But you use a better than anyone ever. Silence when you speak. You use it. My stand-up comedian friends always tell me when I speak, Ed, the funny is after the jokes told it's in the silence.

When I speak, the biggest change in my speaking over the years is my comfort level with silence when I talk. An amateur speaker or a newer speaker doesn't like silence. They talk too fast and they talk too much in my opinion. You are the all-time best at the pause and the moment in between the words so that it makes an impact. I make mistakes sometimes, even still to this day, John, where I've made an impact and I go right into the next thing and I don't let that impact sit with the audience long enough.

So please talk about that. Yeah, I love to. I call it in the book The Power of the Pause. And I'm very intentional. Let me just say first of all, in my coaching with people, I find the hardest thing to coach people in speaking is the pause. And for a long time, I kept asking myself, why is it that when I share with them that they need to pause more, that they don't do it? And I finally came up with the answer. In fact, when I was writing the book, it finally hit me. The reason that we're uncomfortable when we speak with pausing is the moment I stop, I give up control to the audience. Very good. And we subconsciously don't want to give up control.

We want to control. We know where we want to go with the speech. And here's where we are. And so, so we keep talking, talking, talking, talking, I got control, I got control. When I stop all of a sudden, I have the audience to think. And just like your comedian friends, they're exactly right. That pause is where what they said that was really funny. I'll take what the pause does. The pause underlines your words. So when I say something like people don't care, I'm going to tell them how much you care.

If I pause, wow, the people are on that thought. They're underlining that thought mentally. If I don't pause, I immediately move them on. And what I do is most speakers, they play catch up the whole time. Most speakers get in front of their audience and they speak without pausing, without giving that time for people. And so what happens is the people are trying to catch up with them the whole time. And they're never with them because they're behind them.

If somebody's behind me, whatever I'm saying doesn't have its full effect. So that pause is so huge because it gives the audience a chance. What basically I'm saying is you can catch up with me. I'm going to let you catch up. And then when I pause and I turn around and I walk back to my bar stool and sit down and then look at them. It's entirely different. Man.

I remember in school, if the kids were rowdy, what would the school teacher do sometimes? They would just stop talking. And finally, even the kid that talked the most, all of a sudden everybody is very conscious. Nobody's talking. And the teacher got control of the room by not saying anything until everybody got up to speed with,

if that makes sense. And the pause is so powerful for transition, it's a powerful, it's a powerful pivoting tool. And it allows, what else it does? It allows people to feel emotionally. If we speak fast all the time, they can't feel emotionally the words. And if they can't feel emotionally the words,

the words don't have the same impact on them. I'm receiving them mentally, but when I pause, they they can digest those words. Geez, wow. And they could put them on the insides. And now all of a sudden, I'm emotionally connected with you Ed, because you just gave me a chance not only to hear what you said, you gave me a chance to go down inside of me and feel what you said, which is just absolutely cute.

And one more thing, I mean mean the pause is since powerful and I think this is a big mess I think that when you pause You give people a chance to hear the whisper And you know I'm a person of faith. I'm not trying to throw that on anyone else, but I but but but but but when you say things that are substantial and things that have meat to them and have application to them, if you pause sometimes, what you said, God, Spirit, whatever, whispers to your heart. In fact, I ask myself when I hear a speaker,

heart. In fact, I ask myself when I hear a speaker, did I hear the whisper anytime during the speech? And I can only hear the whisper if the speaker lets me have a little time. Not in a couple of seconds, just to settle in and hear. And you know, Henry now and said, silence is an act of war against the competing voices within us. And I just think, I love that statement. Henry now was a great thinker, great, great, great man. But I love it. And I think it's my responsibility. I want them to hear my voice, but there's a higher voice.

That's a master class right there. That's a... If I pause Ed, I give him a shot of hearing the higher voice. And let me tell you this, my voice, they'll forget. The higher voice, they will not forget. All time right there. All time right there. That's an all-timer. You guys, as someone who does a lot of this,

I can tell you right now, that is profound wisdom right there. And something that you feel it, when that higher voice is whispering to you, you feel it. You don't hear it. You feel it. And that's when a speaker has done an unbelievable job as they get out of the way, and let that higher voice make the impact on you.

And that's what you did at L2L when you're with us. That's exactly what you did. I promise you, you've learned the pause, you've learned it. Hey, I learned it. I learned it from a beautiful African-American preacher in South Los Angeles in the Watts area. And I would go up and speak from, we were friends, Evie Hill was his name, Evie Hill is passed away. And I watched him. And when he got to something that was really important, what he did is, the pause also creates great anticipation. And he would get us right to where we're ready to hear

this unfolding, unbelievable thought. I'll never forget, take a handkerchief kind of wipe his face, walk around to the other side of the pulpit, lean and then delivered. And I would watch him, and I'd say, oh, I want to be just like that. I've never got that good, but I've tried. It's not that true. I want to say this. I swear to you, I don't want this to be a love affair with you on the show, but I want everyone to understand this. I learned that from you. And I'm not, I'm not saying that because

he's here. I looked at my speaking. I thought, what, what is this thing he does? Because John, when he was a little younger, would still stand still most of his speech, didn't move around a lot. It wasn't a big pace or he did some. But now when John speaks, he's even better. And oftentimes he's seated most of the time. And I'm like, how does he do this? And it's these unbelievable pauses before a profound statement. And after. And he is the best at this. And the reason he's the best at it is because of his faith background and it is that is that he does Understand that there's a higher voice and so I got that from you and it's something by the way forget stage Speaking everybody I Do that with my children now when I make a point of course I do it and I do it with my my wife

I want to say something it just let it sit there and feel it and not move on to the next thing. It's where I learned it. It's remarkable. A couple more things, because I want to make sure everybody gets the book. So 16 laws of communication.com by the single greatest author on, I say thought leader, leadership expert, communication expert, I think life expert, when you get to 76 and you've traveled around the world and impacted millions of people, you become somebody who knows a lot about life.

And one of the things though, that you talk a lot about is preparation. And I think this transcends speaking. But when it comes, I'll let you speak about preparation, it's law number four in the book. But for me, one of the years, if I can be specific, that I see speakers not prepare enough on, is actually how they're going to finish their speech. So what I watch with speakers is a lot of people, they kind of want to know

what they're going to say first, because that's the thing they're the most nervous about. I got to walk out. What am I going to say first? And I think sometimes some people know what they're going to say in the middle, like, what's the point? But point But I watch and I want you some about preparation overall, but maybe at the end tie this to it I don't know if you've noticed this number one thing I see is someone's done a pretty good job and they don't know how to finish and They keep talking and they keep talking and they talked themselves out of the great Whisper because they didn't really get to the end of their preparation and how they were going to finish or they think I have to finish on a bang. You know, and a lot of my comedian friends even say,

hey, man, the last joke doesn't have to be the funniest. It just has to be the last joke. So I'm just curious is to your message about preparation and if you have any agreements with me, especially about the end. Yeah, I do. First of all, you wanna always have integrity with your audience by being prepared. I think what an injustice to people who came and sometimes spent money and gave time, and you walk out there half-cocked and not ready to deliver what I mean that's

just there's no there's no reason for that so we're all assuming in this communication talk that you're going in at least at your very best preparation possible okay whatever that is you're right on the front end because all is well that begins well and so we want to get to started so what's the story I want to say? We all got that. But there's a difference between good coaches and great coaches, and there's a good difference between good speakers and great speakers.

And here it is. Good coaches have a pre-game plan. You know, when they get ready for the game, they've laid it out. Here's the first eight offensive plays. These are the five first, you know, we, they have it all laid out. Good coaches have a pregame clown, but great coaches make half time adjustments. It's, the great coaches come out different the second half with their team because what

they've watched the team, they've watched their team, they've watched that, oh my gosh, I didn't see that coming. I didn't know they were gonna be using that type of an offensive, so at halftime, they're doing a lot of adjusting. A lot of adjusting, they have it. But let me tell you, you can't adjust what you don't know. So the big mess is we make adjustments, but we don't know where to go. We just

know that it wasn't working. And so when something doesn't work, what does a person do? They talk more. They think, well, if I keep talking, maybe I'll talk myself into something or talk myself out of something or talk them into something. And so nervousness is, well, I just keep talking. And you're like you said, Edward said, come on, close it, close it. You're losing your audience down that process. So the half time adjustments in communication, you're out there. I mean, I've got my lessons, my teaching, I've got it all out there.

But I'm also aware that while I speak, the audience is going to all of a sudden latch onto a part of something. And maybe I thought, oh, I didn't have a clue that's going to connect with him so well. Now my ability to stay there, but you can't stay there if you don't have experience and material. So you have to have my father, you know, the word Maxwell's, a Scottishty's word, and it really comes from having a filling the well up to the max. It, a full well. And my father also was a, you know, speaker communicator and, you know, was working full time

at 95, past way at 98. But the process was, and he said, John, always have your well full. He said, always have more to deliver than you can deliver. Because you don't know what's going to always work the best. But once you find it work, if you've over to now, bring some more of that stuff, bring that excess in there and just fill that pipe right and stay there as long as you possibly can. And I think that's, I think that's a big mess. Now that only comes by experience. Yeah. You this is not something that you do the first time you speak.

You're the first time you speak. You're just wanting to finish. You know what I'm saying to be done at home. And but but but through experience. As far as the ending is concerned in the, I think one of my favorite parts about the book was what I called the four apps of awareness. When you look at the audience, there are four words that they start with an F that you have to constantly be aware while you're teaching. And the first one is how does my audience feel? How do they feel? How do they feel? Do they feel like they're

happy and excited? And do they have, are they already leaning in? Are they laid back? Are they, you know, are they a bunch of people saying, I'm not really sure why I'm here, but how they feel. I want to find out how they feel. I wanna find out how you feel. Then I go to that second F. If I can find out how you feel Ed, and I can say, you know what, I have felt the same way. Oh my gosh, he knows what I'm thinking. He knows what I'm feeling.

He understands me. He understands me. He understands me. So how's the audience feel? What are they feeling? Have I felt the same way? And then that third F is, and let me tell you what I found that worked for me. This worked for me.

I'm not saying it worked for you, but it did work for me, so let me at least share with you. And so now you tell them kind of what you've learned. And then you use the fourth F is and I think that I can help you find the answer to. And the moment that you get that four F's and you're working hard, you follow me. It works. It just work. Yes. By the way, I do that when I'm going to disagree with somebody. I'll say, listen, I know how how you feel I felt the same way myself, but what I found was What I don't add, but what I have not added was before I've never heard that in my life before which is

I think I'll be fine to answer it gives them hope you you are the best in the world I want to ask you I'm gonna take you off script about off the book for a second. Like now it's me and you. Yeah. Oh, I go to 16lawsofcommunication.com and you will get the master class on becoming a great communicator from the master. By the way, in his prime, he's better than he's ever been. And I've watched John speak now for as a student many, many years ago, as somebody who's spoken on the same stage as him and then recently even in the audience watching him again, he's just incredible. But just like a life thing, I'm just curious,

you get to this stage of your life. I feel like there's like a, and I didn't even know I was gonna ask you this today, but I just feel like I'm watching, you're so joyful and happy. I feel like there's a happiness deficiency in the world. So this has nothing to do with the book. Maybe it does. Maybe people don't communicate well enough with one another and that's part of the deal. What have you found over 76 years that brings you the most happiness?

In other words, in a life well lived, which you're still in the prime of, you're probably gonna live far past where your dad lives means you live into the hundreds, but you know, really well-lived life. Like what's brought you the most happiness? If you could share that with you. I've never asked you that on the show before. And you're such a happy, joyful person. Is it been your work, your faith, your fan?

Something specific? What would you say to that? Well, first of all, there is not a simplistic answer. It is all those things being part of the context, you're with me. But to give you the answer that you're wanting something that's a little definitive, the answer is what keeps me in the game

and what brings me so much joy is the people that I add value to and I help. I mean, every day, I think I'm fortunate I am. Every day, books I write right things I teach help people and so when people say well how do you stay motivated I mean aren't you tired don't get tired of course we're human we're all tired but but what keeps you in the game I mean I don't need to be in the game I mean I don't I don't I mean I I'm blessed okay I don't I don't need to be in the? I don't need to be in the game. You don't need to be in the game. You have money, I have money.

So I'm not in it. But I'm in it because I'm making a positive difference in people's lives. And I can't think of, if there's something better than that, somebody's gonna tell me so I can go that way too. But, I live on two wonderful homes. I live on two, I have two wonderful homes. I live on golf

courses, but there has to be something better and bigger than what is my tea time today. I mean, they just have to do I enjoy, I love to play golf. I want to play some more golf with you. Oh, I love to play golf. There has to be something you have to live beyond yourself, Ed. You know, when we talked about get over myself, I successes about me, significance is about others. And I live in the significant world. I've already had success. You have all the, we don't, I don't mean as I'm kindly, I've got all I need.

But now I've got so much to give. And I think, and one other thing is, I'm constantly, I'm still growing. I'm still curious. I'm still asking questions. I'm still taking notes. I'm still learning. I'm sitting at the feet of people like you

and I'm getting better. And I think that is huge. My father, when he was 92, we were having lunch one day and he said, John, he said, I just want you to know, I think my best days are still ahead of me. And he was 92, we were having lunch one day and he said, John, I just want you to know, I think my best days are still ahead of me. And he's 92. Well, how could he say that? He's still growing, he's still learning.

So I think growth is happiness. I think when people are growing, they're very, then I think, then I think significance living for others is fulfilling. So I think when I put the personal growth of, I'm a student and I'm teachable and I'm still learning with the fact that I'm still helping and adding value to people. And you put those two together. And by the way, if you're not growing, you can't keep adding value to people.

This is the big mess. I mean, you can't write 90 books or 88 books or whatever it is. I have to, if you're not still learning and growing, I mean, you'd get one book, one song, you know, remember Debbie Boone and she, well, you light up my life. I'm telling my age, you probably don't even remember that. I know Debbie Boone is. I'm probably showing my age. Yeah, well, Debbie Boone had one hit and it was like a hit for, like, number one for

six months. It was just, it rained. It was huge. But it was the only one she ever had. Well, after you've heard Debbie sing that 50 times, you want to say Debbie, is there another song? You're running out. You're running out.

You're running out. You're running out. You're running out. You're running out. And the answer is no, there's not another song. I love the song, love you, Debbie. But I got that song down. If you're not growing, you only have one song.

You only have one talk. You only have one book. But how do I keep adding value to people? I keep learning and growing myself. And basically, what I do is what I learn. I just pass on to people as quickly as I can. That is fulfilling. Man, that's such an awesome answer.

And by the way, everybody, if you're feeling a lack of happiness, I check those two areas. Am I growing still? And am I adding value to other people? Am I contributing? And if one of those are deficient, that's probably the answer. I don't think I've had a show fly by in an hour this quickly. And if those one of those are deficient that might that's probably the answer I Don't think I've had a show fly by in an hour this quickly. It's just because I love my time with you so much and especially on this topic

You've been such an important influence in my life John and and I'll give you the greatest compliment I can give somebody I often when I make decisions even though you know, I don't call you for these decisions I actually ask myself often. I used to say, what would my dad do? And there's a list of about three or four people in my life. I just think, how would John respond? What would John do? And I do that with you. And I think that's probably the highest compliment and truest compliment I could pay you.

That's the level of admiration I have for you. I mean what I said earlier, I aspire to be more like you you're you're hero to me. So thank you for today Oh, thank you when I left home today I told Margaret that I was going to be with you and I said It's a highlight and it hasn't even happened yet Can I say something? You're the best. Thank you, bro. You're the best. If there's somebody that does a podcast and can host and ask questions better than you,

you're going to have to tell me who they are because I want to get on their show too. You're the best. I love you. I greatly respect you. Love doing stuff with you. So let's go help people together and let's go play golf together as soon as possible, okay?

I would love that, brother. We did that today. 16 laws of communication.com, the 16 undeniable laws of communication, by the goat, share today's episode, everybody with anybody that you care about. Anybody wants to be a better communicator or anybody who wants a better life,

and today, show a deliver that for you. God bless you all, max out.