THE ED MYLETT SHOW - No BS Guide To Self Confidence

Episode Date: May 10, 2022

The question I'm asked most frequently is how to build more SELF CONFIDENCE.  People recognize that this tool, above all others, is ESSENTIAL FOR SUCCESS in all parts of your life.This week's guest, LISA BILYEU, is a self-confidence expert, and she's got a lot of valuable tips and strategies on how to build this CRITICAL MINDSET into your own life. Many of those thoughts are captured in her upcoming book RADICAL CONFIDENCE: 10 NO-BS LESSONS ON BECOMING THE HERO IN YOUR OWN LIFE.   As you'll quickly discover, Lisa's brand of self-confidence is RAW and DOWN TO EARTH.Like many people, she's overcome a lot of challenges. Instead of hiding, Lisa details how she CONSCIOUSLY chose to develop a STRONG SENSE OF SELF that changed her life forever. That radical transformation led to a complete overhaul of how she approached those challenges. In fact, changing her mindset was one of the driving forces that she and her husband used to grow Quest Nutrition by 57,000% in 3 years, ranking it as INC. Magazine’s #2 Fasting Growing Company in North America in 2014. Lisa reveals several practical strategies you’ll want to hear.One of those is "KILLING THE SQUIRREL," a metaphor for doing away with distractions in your life. She also explains why using GRATITUDE the wrong way can be a dangerous pitfall in your life.I've often said the toughest battles are the ones you fight between your ears which is why Lisa's story about battling the MEAN GIRL VOICES in her head resonated with me, just like they will for you.Lisa also talks about the importance of pushing forward and doing your best by focusing more on HOW YOU DO THINGS instead of worrying about the outcome. Stripping away that need for VALIDATION is one of Lisa's primary keys to RADICAL CONFIDENCE and a lesson you'll want to hear.The bottom line is that Lisa preaches a pragmatic brand of COMMON-SENSE THINKING.If you're looking for EFFECTIVE SELF-CONFIDENCE STRATEGIES that will not only make you THINK but that you can put into ACTION, my interview with Lisa Bilyeu an hour well spent.

This is the end mileage show. Okay, welcome back to the show everybody. We could not be covering a more important topic today. Period, end of story. And I have a friend coming on today that is going to share insight and wisdom into something that I get asked about Lisa, this topic, more than any other topic, which is the topic of confidence. You guys are always, which is the topic of confidence. You guys are always asking me how you get more confidence.

I've given you my best answers, and now I'm bringing somebody, and he's gonna give you better answers. So the author of Radical Confidences with me today, Lisa Bill you, welcome to the show. What up, Ed? That's a whole thing to follow, oh my God, how am I gonna give a better answer than you on confidence?

I think we're going to do that in the first question. Oh, so I think you'll be fine. It's good. You're welcome in your home here. So it's great to have you. I love you and your husband. So you guys, this book's powerful because, you know, I don't know that there's anything on the planet right now that people are struggling more with than this topic, more than

ever in our culture, would surprise me because I've met you many times and you appear to be so confident naturally. But evidently, if I went back a little bit, that wouldn't necessarily be the case. So take us all the way back where you were, you were a homemaker at the time and not really feeling very confident about yourself

while you were in the midst of that role, right? Yeah, I'm for eight years. My basically, I was staying at home and supporting my husband and putting his clothes out every day and cooking for him a very traditional Greek wife. And it's what I call pergator of the mundane. Yeah, you say that. My life was just mundane enough that I didn't make a change. And like how many people had a view interviewed where you're like, this so freaking amazing They're so successful and it always stems from the hit rock bottom

Mm-hmm, and that's what jolted them awake Though that moment where they're like well, I've got nothing else to lose and so they take the chance But what about the hundreds of millions of people that are like me where it's like my life didn't hit rock bottom And so every day I where it's like my life didn't hit rock bottom. And so every day, I ended up being in pergator of the mundane when nothing was bad enough to make me change. Nothing ever happened that was extreme, that jolted me awake.

And so every day I just dismissed my happiness, I just dismissed it like it wasn't important. What did you do? How did it change? So, how did it change? Yeah. So every day I tried to fill my day with distractions. What did you do? How did it change? So, how did it change? Yeah. So, every day I tried to fill my day with distractions. We all know that. And the thing with distractions is you make them reeling your life.

Yeah. So, in those moments of, well, of course I have to, you know, go to the grocery store and I have to do the laundry and today I have to, you know, wash my dogs. And tomorrow I have to wash the car and it's like, well, hang on a minute, babe. I've got to organize the sock drawer. All of those to me, I convinced myself they were important enough so that I wouldn't be distracted. Oh, I wouldn't see the truth that I was unhappy. What do you mean when you say in the book? Because there's so many things the book had made me think, even at this stage of my life, right? I consider myself a pretty self-confident person,

but you say in the book that, you know, your dreams are a gamble. So a lot of people won't go for their dreams. They're in this, whatever it might be like. For many people, listen to this, their dream would be to do what you were doing, right? For other people, it's not their dream. And I say oftentimes, Jenna Kuchin,

I were talking about this where, you know, the blueprint for a successful life, Tony Robbins like to say is where, you know, the life that you're living matches the blueprint you have for, right? And so in your case, you weren't. You weren't living that blueprint. But you say, your dreams are a gamble bet on yourself. So what do you mean by that? For so long, I wasn't betting on myself for so long for eight years. Literally, I stayed there waiting for something to change, but I was waiting for my husband to change my life. I was waiting for the external to change my life. I was waiting for when.

How many times I said, how many people listening have said to themselves, I'm going to do that when. Yes. Right? And sometimes the when never comes. And I was telling myself, I will do that when I will go after my dream when we get enough money. I'll do that when my husband is happy. I'll do it when we have a business that is thriving. And so every single day I was using the when as a car as a crutch. Yeah. And so it wasn't until it got to the point my husband was so unhappy. And he was coming home every day

because we were just chasing money. We thought that that was going to make our dreams come true. It's make enough money to make movies. And so it got to the point he was so unhappy where he was coming home and I call it my own personal fight club. First rule of the Billio household is don't ask him about his day. The second rule of the Billio household don't ask him about his day. And it got to the point where he wasn't feeling me up. I was waiting for him to come home to you know make me happy. He was coming home. He was miserable. And it got to the point was like, what am we doing this all for? Like really, what is the point of this if we're not happy chasing money? It's such an empty feeling. You think

it's going to fill you up because you see other successful people, other wealthy people and maybe you admire them. So you look at them, you're like, when I get there, that's how I will feel. I will feel good about myself. But the truth is, we just kept it was on our unhamps the wheel. We were just chasing and we were going round around in circles. To the got to the point where it's like, I don't care about money. I was like, babe, at this point, we've got into the point where right now we're about to fracture our relationship. Wow. And I will do anything except risk my relationship.

This is interesting for me because I know you now and I know Tom now. And so it's hard for me to picture that, that you were at a time like that because the two of you are so driven and so causally oriented and so much in the giving space of your life and such a wonderful couple too, that it's really interesting for me to even be able to picture that because I only know the post version, right? But it actually, for me, if everyone knew you now, like I do, it would give them so much hope that they can go from where they are to a really magnificent place in their life. You're speaking about the hamster wheel and you say this thing in the book about kill the squirrel,

which made me think about that. So what does kill the squirrel mean? It's the distractions. That movie, did you ever see, I can't remember what it was called dogs or pets or something, where it's literally like squirrel, and the dog is in the middle of doing something, and then squirrel moves, it diverts its attention.

And so how many of those squirrels do we all have in our lives that we don't realize, because it becomes habitual, right? It's that you don't, and that's exactly what happened to me. The eight years, I got stuck there because my life became habitual and I didn't actually ask myself any questions. I didn't challenge myself. And so every day becomes just another day. And what's scary is I was using gratitude as a way to keep me going. This is huge right here. Gratitude kept me stuck. So every moment where I started to feel badly about my life, I used gratitude.

But Lisa, don't worry, you've still got a roof over your head and you've got a husband that loves you. And every time I started to question my in happiness, that same voice came in saying, but Lisa, you have a roof over your head, but Lisa, you have a husband that loves you. And that same message was exactly what kept me there because I was using gratitude. Oh, wow. Lisa, I've been doing this a long time. No one's ever said that before.

Wow, because that's this, it's a very vague, you know, be grateful, feel yourself with gratitude. But that can be sort of some sort of medication you're giving yourself too, to sort of dull, you know, it can be the percussed of life almost, you've come glazed over. My gosh, that's so profound what you just said. Yes. That is so profound. Thank you. It's exactly what happened for the eight years.

Is that because in hindsight, and that's why I wrote this book because I was like, so in fact let me just back up. Someone Tom comes to me and he's like, babe, a literary agent just pinged me and was like, asked me if least you wanted to write a book and I'm like, oh that's sweet. And I just went back to work and he's like, what the hell is wrong with you? Like, that's a big deal. And I was like, oh yeah, that's sweet. It is a big deal. And he's like, why are you shrugging it off? And I said, because who would buy a book for me? Now, this was a year ago, Ed, we'd already saw quests for a billion dollars. Impact theory had over, you know, half a billion views on all our content. And yet I still didn't believe in myself. And that's why I wrote the book, because people think that I'm confident. People think you're confident. People don't understand the eight

years that I struggled where I was Telling myself you don't deserve a better life Lisa because you've got a husband that loves you You've got a roof over your head how ungrateful you to ask for more You're really making me think right here because This is something that is very much part of our culture right now is to fill ourselves with gratitude which by the way there's a really healthy side to every emotion in life, right? Like too much of one anything often in life, but you You're really making me think because that is a really good place to hide in gratitude We can hide in gratitude too and I've never even thought about that before so the cool thing with the book is there's like things

That you're gonna remember that she says in the book that just like stand out So one of the thing is the kill the squirrel thing but You also talk about like these principles of creating change. So there's a lot of very detailed very granular things But you wrote it in such a way that like I can remember the cool catchy line That links to the thing you teach right so you say I ball that jackpot, like it's a shirtless Ryan Gosling, which frankly, Lisa, for this chapter, that doesn't completely fit for me, but I know that it's for you.

So you said, I won't say who, because my wife will be mad at me. But you can't. I was gonna say, choose your equivalent. I could think of some other shirtless people, but none of them are named Ryan Gosling right now at the top of my, but I understand the point. What the heck do you mean though make the point for everybody else here? What do you mean when you say that? Yeah, so we get very

distracted and especially when you're doing well, like when you're doing well so many people come at you and ask you oh my god do you want to do this? Do you want to do that? And it all sounds so exciting. But when I look back at how on earth for eight years, I wasn't living the life I truly wanted. It was because the small times every day we make small little choices that lead us to somewhere. And so when I think about now that I'm out of it, what are the small choices that I make every day that is going to derail me from my goal? And I tell myself every day to make sure that I still stay so focused on that goal that nothing else can distract me. So if another offer comes, if I know what my North Star is, if I know what that mission is, even an amazing opportunity, I can absolutely say no, because I've got my eyes set on my goal. I know what that is and I'm freaking laser focused.

Did you learn something about you writing this? Like, did you realize that you didn't have the confidence you thought you had or did you realize that you had developed all of these keys and tools? Was there still a part of you that you always ask people like you think you've got a lot of self confidence until you face criticism. Criticism's that real big test of, do I really believe in me? You know, because it's easy if you're getting support or there's no blowback so to speak. But what did you learn about yourself writing it, do you think? Is that, is the notion of radical confidence? Because people kept saying to me, I'll be so confident, you're so confident.

And I was like, how are they talking to it? Like, I'm looking behind for it to me, and I'm like, surely they're not talking about me, because it doesn't feel like it. If you heard the mean girl in my head, she's, can I swear on this podcast? Yes. She's a frickin bitch. She say that number. Like, she's a bitch.

And so... What did she say to you, Lisa? You're no good. Who the hell do you think you are? Like, you're such a, you know, what did she say to you, Lisa? You're no good. Who the hell do you think you are? Like, you're such a, you know, you think that you might know it, but trust me, you're not going to. At least you're gonna embarrass yourself.

So let's take, Hoplick's speaking, can we take you? Yeah, did she show up today on your drive over here? Oh, yeah, of course she did. She did. Yeah, and in fact, the very first time I met you, we came to your house, Tom was on your pod cart. I had such a posthess in Rome.

I was like, oh my God, we're going to hit my legs. Oh my God. And at this point, again, I've produced. Yeah, so successful. Like hundreds of it shows. But that voice in my head still thinks on that 14 year old girl that got teased and picked on and bullied. Now here's the thing, that voice used to cripple me, that mean girl, the bitch she used to hold me back. And what

I realized is, is that as I started to develop a mission, as I started to really understand what a goal was and feel and passion and all of that, I started to look at my life and I started to look at the things that were holding me back. And so one day actually Tom came to me and we dedicated our money to and our finances to creating impact. And one day Tom came to me and he's like, babe, you know, he keeps saying no to speak in kicks. I was like, yeah, I'm freaking petrified. Why on earth would I ever do that to myself? And he's like, sure, life, but you know, that does hold you back from your goal, right? And I saw. And I saw a sat there for a minute and I was like, All right, let me actually look at it with no judgment.

I'll say that a lot, no judgment. So I was like, no judgment Lisa, do you think public speak will actually help you in your mission and goal? I said, yes, okay great. With no judgment, what is more important, feeling good about yourself, your ego or your gold? So good. Because in that moment, that's all it comes down to. I'm so scared to get on stage. My ego is telling me not to. My ego is telling me, Lisa, you're going to

mess up. You have no idea what you're doing. You've never public done public speaking before. That's the ego. that's the voice and the goal. You're going to help a lot of people Lisa. I'm going to see this watching you. You know, I'm really proud of you, losing to you because I didn't know this side of you. I thought you had all this confidence when I met you. Lisa is one of these people that when you meet her, her energy is huge. It's infectious. It fills, she fills, she's a, she's a petite woman physically

and stature, but her energy is huge. And so to know that underneath that was this person battling this, I think, you know, her and her husband are two of the most, no pun intended impactful couples, you know, on the planet. And to know that you've had this struggle, moves me because I didn't know it. And I know it was gonna move an awful lot of other people. The other thing that you say, there's so much in this book, by the way, but you said, I love how blood you are.

You said, at first, it will totally suck. It's just like completely right to the point. So you're elaborating on that. Well, I think it was like a growth mindset. It's like taking the red pill from the matrix. It will set you free. Yes. It would totally suck.

It will totally suck. By the way, you, your husband and I have this obsession with the matrix. Yeah, I saw your eyes, so it's my art when I said it. In my book, too, my eyes let up. But so it just will totally suck in the beginning and you have to be able to embrace that, right? Yeah, and that's the thing. I think that that end up being the most beautiful lesson in everything I do. It's like, oh, you're going to go on stage, you'll hate it.

Oh, you're going to go on stage, you'll probably mess up. And to many other people that may be a crippling thought, to me, it was the most beautiful, freeing thing ever. Because now I can go into, you know what? Instead of worrying about if it's going to suck, just embrace it's going to suck. It's like one of my chapters called When the s*** hits the fan where goggles. The whole point is, stop worrying about s*** hitting the fan. Guys, if you try anything in life, you will become, you will fail at something.

There's not one freaking successful, successful person on the planet that hasn't failed in order to get somewhere. So now, can we just re, we just reposition what failure means? We all think it means something negative about us. Here's the truth, it doesn't mean something about you, but it doesn't mean something negative. It means that you're fricking trying. It means that you're actually going

after that thing that matters to you. That's what failure means. And so now, instead of worrying about when the the f*** hits the fan, just worry about when it does, do you have goggles? Are you protecting yourself and how the hell are you going to clean the mess up? This is so good, Lisa. Look at you. My goodness, because what she's doing, I'm letting you behind the curtain a little bit,

guys. Like, I know everybody in this, I think I know almost everybody in this space and I think I know them pretty well. And what Lisa's expressing is true for most of us. We're all in a battle to improve our self-confidence. The reason we have such great tools, I think we share with you is because we're all in necessity of them ourselves.

And so you just one of the first to have the confidence, frankly, ironically, to say, hey, I struggle with this a little bit. So there's so many things in the book you're gonna remember. And one of them was we're just talking about books, like, is it gonna make the New York Times? Yeah. And and we're all like yeah, it would just be a good validation if that happened And you actually say in the book validation is for parking like there's all these things you remember So isn't that good? So talk about a little bit about this need for validation and maybe kind of putting that to the side if you can

Yes, I actually love this topic especially when when it comes to the book, because here's the thing, I don't pretend I know everything, I don't pretend that I've got things down path. Every time I try something new, I find that crippling fear. Every time I do something that I've no idea what I'm doing, I've got that negative thought that's coming in saying, what the hell are you thinking, Lisa? You're going to embarrass yourself, you're going to fall in the floor. So now I go, the voice is just there, whether I like it or not. So now, how do I use this voice as power? Like, I think of it, it used to be my kryptonite.

It was the thing that held me back. But now, what if it was my superpower? How can I use this crippling voice as the most powerful thing ever? So I go, okay, cool. What is it saying? Lisa, you don't have no idea how to write a book. Oh my god, she's right. The bitch in my head is right. I have zero idea how to write a book. So come on, she's right! The bitch in my head is right. I have zero idea how to write a book. So come on friend, so I call it the bitch that's now my friend. Come on friend, what else have I got? Lisa, you better learn. Great, she's right.

I better learn how to write a book. How do I learn? Let me write a list of all my friends that are new times best sellers and call them up. That's exactly what I did. I wrote a list, that's what radical confidence is. It doesn't mean you have confidence But it means you move forward in or I and figure it out

So I wrote a list of all the questions that I had I called Brennan Bashad Mel Robbins Jamie Kannima all our amazing friends and I literally was like all right I need to ask you a series of questions number one. What's the trap? I'm gonna fall into number two What's the thing you hate about writing a book the most number three? And I just literally wrote all these questions, so I could do my research. That helped with my confidence because I was so scared about writing a book. Now the final thing, back to your question about value. I know myself, and I know, I love the pets on the bats.

They feel good. I know I have a negative voice that can tear me down. I know that someone else saying something amazing can make me feel good, but the same is so if someone says something negative. So right now, as I'm processing and I'm writing this book, how do I make sure I don't actually look for external validation? Because right now is the moment I need to, I believe, create the foundation that doesn't make me search outside myself. And I have to do it before the book gets released. And so I've already

processed it. And so what I said to myself is, a, did you do everything you possibly could to do your research back to my first question? The answer is yes. B, did I give it every ounce? Now look, we all know. We all know. You can't hide from yourself. So if you actually ask yourself the question, did you give it your all? You can't lie to yourself. So I can honestly say, did I give it my all? Did I leave everything out on the table? Because if all those answers are yes, I've got nothing else left. So even if everyone else hates it, can I be proud that I showed up every day and gave this book everything? And if I can say yes, then I'm sorry, but then screw everyone else on what they think about the book because I've done the internal work

and foundation to be proud of myself, because if all we do is look externally, we're effed. Like we are screwed. If we look for external validation to allow us to feel proud over things that we do. Lisa, you're on to something here huge. I live a lot of that. So I used to look for external validation, it's just empty. Even when you get it, it's not as good as you think it's gonna be.

But this notion also of doing things even when you don't feel confident about them is brilliant. And I want to just add to this just for a second for everybody. And my book I talk about this and I just want to meet Lisa in the middle on it because she's talking about just putting in the work. I say all the time, if your confidence is linked to your ability to do something, you're going to be a really unconfident person most of your life. You'll always be chasing this. Once I'm getting really good at this, that'll be confident. And it's this finish line that keeps moving. Instead of making your confidence predicated upon your intention and your effort. So for you, you phrase it as effort. For me, it's an intention. You intended to serve

with this book. You intended to make a difference. You intended to give it your best effort. If people could begin to start to link their confidence. So the ironic thing is when you step into a space you don't think you're very good at and you do something anyway is actually where the confidence you lack will come from because of the intention. And so give yourself a little bit more credit for your intent. Step boldly into spaces like this interview that I you step boldly into it because listen, I intend to help people. I intend to make a difference.

I may not have every answer, but there's a power to beautiful intention. And all these humans are operating on the surface. This is why your book's so dang important. They're operating on this earth like, I'll only have confidence once I'm good at something. I'll only have confidence once I achieve. And I'm here to tell you, and Lisa's here to tell you that you can achieve and still not have the confidence. But if it's linked to your intent, now you're rolling.

Go, Commando. What the heck does that mean? She's got all this stuff in the book. What does go, Commando? Because it sounds linked to your intent, now you're rolling. Go, Commander. What the heck does that mean? She's got all this stuff in the book. What is Go, Commander? Because it sounds interesting to me. Yes, this story came from, or that really came from a story of me, my husband. So I've stayed at home for eight years. Yeah.

We start quest. So he's absolutely miserable, babe. Quir, you know, this job that you're doing, he goes in, he tells his business partners at the time, I hate this. I'm absolutely miserable. They then own up that they are miserable too. So you're doing, he goes in, he tells his business partners at the time, I hate this, I'm absolutely miserable. They then own up that they are miserable too. So they're like, cool, let's do something predicated on passion.

And so that ended up being what people know now as quest, quest nutrition, quest bars. So at the time it was tiny, and so they were trying to transition from their day job to then this side hustle. And while they were doing that, they're like, hey babe, do you mind just helping out? So I was a stay at home wife, I was a good Greek wife. So I was like, of course, oh my god, you know, it's my identity, of course I'm a good Greek wife, of course I help out. So day in, day out, what can I do?

How can I help? Just ship a couple of bars here, they say, just ship a couple of bars there, they say, quest group 57,000%. So one bar one day turns into a ton the next day and then a whole load more the very next day. So I rapidly went from, I'm just going to help out my husband because I'm a good Greek wife to, oh my God, I have to ship from my business partners garage. Oh my God, I have to, you know, we have now office, our first facility in Compton and now I'm getting a truckload. Oh crap, I have to, you know, we have now our first facility in Compton and now I'm getting a truckload. Oh crap, I have to, like the UPS guy goes, you know what? I can actually pick up a lot more boxes if you put it on the pallet.

I was like, okay, great. I don't bloody know what a pallet is, Ed. So I'm like, I want back to my computer. I'm googling what is a pallet. Oh my god. Every single day I faced myself. Every single day I faced my inadequ myself. Every single day I faced my inadequacies every single day I faced things I didn't know how to do and every

single day in those moments I asked myself, would do I want to learn or do I want to lose my house because our house was up for collateral and now it's do I want to lose my house and let my husband down those were the two things and the answer every day kept in no so So when I kept saying no, it meant I had to figure it out. Now, in figuring it out over time, as Quest grew so quickly, I started to see what I was capable of. And in those moments of seeing what I was capable of and growing so quickly, we got to a point where now all of a sudden I had to hire someone to help me. And in that moment I was like, I don't know how to be a boss, but I don't want to quit.

And so in that moment, of course, I'm sure you know, especially a lot of women, they try and do both. So I tried to be an incredible housewife and provide for my husband and cook and clean his clothes. And at the same time, I was trying to crush it as something I absolutely loved, which I just learned was entrepreneurship. And as time went on, I was exhausted. And we all know when you try and do too many things amazingly well, you end up doing nothing well.

That's right, yep. And so, in those moments, I had to ask myself the hard question, what do I want my life to look like? And finally, because I had built myself day in and day out, I realized I didn't want to be a stay at home wife anymore. So now comes a hard question. Do you want to do this? And the answer was no. Now when you ask yourself hard questions like that, I think the reason why a lot of us don't is we don't want to know the answer. Because when you find out what the answer is, now there might be a whole load of uncomfortable things

that you're gonna have to do. And that's what happened. So I realized I didn't want to be at stay-home-wife anymore and I had to talk to Tom about it. Now here's my husband that I love more than life itself. But yet I have to tell him, I don't want to take care of you anymore. I don't want to cook for you anymore and I don't want to cook for you anymore.

And I don't want to clean your clothes anymore. And so how do you do that? And this became the navigation of why Tom and I have such a strong relationship. So I went in, one, with respect and grace, to give him the space that I'm the one changing. When I first married him, I said I wanted four children I wanted to take care of him. Even though I had like these dreams, we thought that that's who I would be. So I wanted to give him the respect

and the space to say, I'm the one changing. But now the second piece is, are we on the same team? And so the analogy, my favorite analogy is the tennis match. Are you a couple? You're on one side of the net and your partner's on the other side. And what you're really doing is

you're hitting the ball back and forth and one of you has to win. Or, you're playing a game with doubles. Where you're on the same side of the net, you both have the same goal in mind, which is to win together. And now, when you are strong and your partner is weak, you've got the back. And when you are weak and your partner is weak, you got the back.

And when you are weak and your partner is strong, they've got your back. And if you're miss the ball, they got you. And so I went in there saying, this is a game of doubles. This means that we're playing together. And this means right now I'm the weak one and I actually need his back because I'm the one changing. And so I need to give him the space to be honest with him, to say, hey, this is where I'm weak right now. I'm really struggling.

So I said, I'm really struggling. I want to be in business. And I'm a female weak because I don't know how to do both. And I need your partnership, because you're my teammate. How do we do this together? And so we're in saying it like that, and showing you that I wasn't going in saying, hey, I'm changing, you better like it or lump it.

He gave him the space to be very open about how that would impact him. And so back to your question, he turned around and he said, babe, what kind of husband would I be? To see how you light up when you talk about work. To hear what struggles you went through as being at stay-home-wife.

What kind of husband would I be? To ask you to do that, to be unhappy just for my comfort. And so he was like, so, if I don't have clean underwear and I have to go commando, then commando, I will go. Everyone, you just need to go rewind that and listen to that again. That's one of those, you got to rewind that. That was, there is a depth of lessons in what you just said there that is way beyond the question that I asked. Your answer was way better than the question that I asked right now. Can I add one more thing to that? Please do, because that was amazing.

Thank you. The thing that really solidified that whole story is I gave him the grace to mourn the wife he thought I was going to be. And I gave myself the grace to mourn the wife and mother I thought I was going to be. I didn't know we were going here today. There's so much to that. Number one, just to think that all this change with you helping ship a couple protein bars. Also, the fact that you're a part of a company that grew from shipping a couple protein bars with a billion dollar exit. And then the fact that your marriage got stronger

during a really dramatic transition. That's a dramatic transition. I want four kids. I'm going to stay home. I'm going to do this. By the way, the other profound part of that is that it's okay from time to time in our lives. I've talked about this previously. To check in with your vision and your dream and to see if it's still the one you want. It's okay to ask new questions of yourself is maybe that dream run its course and I've got a new dream in a vision and maybe my dream isn't to do what I thought it was anymore. I think a lot of times people think, well, if I don't finish that one dream in vision, I had, I'm a qu, and I'm disqualified from the next one.

And maybe perhaps that's not the case. Sometimes in life, we have to learn and try things that we don't want to do to learn the things that we do want to do. It's interesting to use the doubles analogy because you are playing doubles, yet you said something in the book that struck me. Then you said, I have to accept, and I know this is a mindset, but you're playing doubles, you're a team. But then at the same time, help me understand this nuance where you go, yet I have to accept that it's all my fault. Yeah. So what do you

do that? So here's the thing, even if you're playing doubles, if you're not the one training, if you're like, I'm a plant, my parents come back, I got this. And you don't train, you don't show up every single day, practicing in that backhand, practice in those skills, getting better incrementally every single day, then you can't bring a whole soft to the table. You can't bring yourself to that couple. So whenever I look at my relationship with my husband, my business, my health, my mindset, it's very powerful for me to say it to all my fault. Now people find the word fault very triggering.

And here's the key. What word empowers you? That's it. That's all I'm looking for, ownership, responsibility. What is that word that empowers you? The word fault really triggers me, but triggers me to act. Yeah. So when I say like for instance, if there's a problem with my business,

it's so easy to say, but it's the YouTube algorithm, it's the company, it's the way the audience is happening, it's the world, but that doesn't serve me, that doesn't move me towards my goal. But if I said, in how, if this was all your fault, what would you change? It's so empowering to me, and to rethink the way, so let's say we're playing

a game of doubles and we keep drinking losing. Instead of me turning to my partner and say say hey, you know, you better show up So no, no Lisa. How is this your fault? Have you practiced? Have you put in the time? Have you put in the effort? Did you get sleep? Did you eat well? Like if I can look at myself It allows me to focus and it allows me to move forward The second just starting to wait for other people and I did that for a years I was waiting for my husband to bring home something happiness, excitement. I wasn't looking at myself, I wasn't looking inside me.

And that to me is beautiful. Now look, I say that as someone who is very much in love with her husband and that is very much in love of one half. And people get weird about that as well. Oh, no, you shouldn't be one of a half. It's like trust me when I'm by myself, I'm a full person and I can bring my own. But when I say half, I mean, absolutely, I love the fact that my husband knows me better, you know, than anyone in this world.

Right. You and your wife, how long have you guys been together? There's some comfort to that. But let me tell you, and this is actually a mistake that I made that I thankfully actually learned the hard way. I've had massive gut issues, I've had massive gut issues, and there was a point where I was on a photo shoot and I had the worst pain ever. And I was at my house and I just pretended that I was okay, and I just excused myself. I quickly ran upstairs and I fell to the floor. In crippling pain.

And me and my husband have a rule. If you need me, you can call me once I'm allowed to ignore you. You can call me twice. I'm actually allowed to ignore you. But if you call me three times in a row, I don't care who I'm with if you're with the president of the United States. If I'm interviewing Oprah you're with the president of the United States if I'm interviewing Oprah Winfrey and he rings me three times I gotta say sorry. Oh, I gotta answer this because

my husband needs me. That's our rule of thumb. So I call him once I'm on the floor. He doesn't answer me. Taking a deep breath. I'm calling him again. I need my husband. I need my husband. I call him a second time. He doesn't answer. I'm like, okay, I need my husband. I know he's gonna answer this third time. I call him the third time. He doesn't answer. And in that moment, I'm like, crap, what am I gonna do? I need my husband. I need him to help me get off the floor.

I need my husband. And in that moment, I was like, no, you don't. You don't need your husband. You want him. But you don't need him. Lisa get the f*** up. You're the hero of your own damn life. And what I did is I got up. I splashed water on my face and I finished the day. And it wasn't until that evening that Tom came to me. And he said, oh babe, oh my God, I can't believe it. I saw three missed calls. What happened?

And I was like, babe, I got it covered. Shh. Now, even today, that lesson has stuck with me. That I want my husband, but I don't need him. I am the hero of my own damn life. And every time I look outside myself, the help, I remind myself of that one moment. I remind myself of that one moment. I remind myself of that one time.

And here's the thing, that story cuts Tom like a knife every time I tell it. He hates it. And we've had this, he goes, babe, that really hurts me every time you say it, because as your husband, my identity is, I'm there for my wife. When we talk through it, and I said, I totally understand, babe. But you cannot rob me of the one, of the story that literally pivoted me from being the person that turned to you for everything, to now realizing why I love you more than life itself.

I am my own hero. Lisa, come on. I mean, you can see me getting all like water, I, I'm, I'm watching someone in front of me right now who I've known for a while completely step into her purpose. I can't wait to tell Tom how proud I am of you, too, by the way. There's layers and depth of the things you're covering. Before we started the day, you made a little Instagram video. I said, we're going to make magic. I was just saying that.

Just thinking this would be good. And I had no idea that this would be one of the shows that would impact me so deeply. You do something really unique. And I need to think it through more today. And it's that you kind of dance with this BITCH voice of yours a little bit. You dance with the negatives of your life. In other words, instead of doing the brute force work of trying to cast them out all the time, these negative thoughts, these assumptions, these, this voice in my head, you kind of go, okay, you're here. I'm going to dance with

you a little bit. And we're also going gonna become almost friends. And that's a really unique perspective that works for you. Yeah, please tell me why. Ed, it's because I kept failing. Everyone kept telling me. Don't, don't speak mean to yourself, Lisa. Push it out. Push it out. Don't listen to her.

Be nice to yourself. And dude, I tried. Like I tried and then what was happening. I was beating myself up over the fat that I couldn't stop beating myself up. So literally the method that you hear about me welcoming her and listening to her was out of the fat that I couldn't do it any other way. And that's where I think my secret source, if you all comes from, is that friends meditation, everyone keeps saying, but you got to meditate.

And then I started feeling badly about, but you got to meditate. And it was just, I stopped feeling badly about myself because I couldn't meditate. But what I realized was people were saying the clarity of mind. And I realized I get that in the gym, me against the waves. And you're saying you too. And in those moments, I was like, stop trying to be like everyone else Lisa. What's that for you? And same with them, the negative voice. I was like, I can't push her everyone else Lisa. What's that for you? And same with them, the negative voice.

I was like, I can't push her out. I can't turn her down. And so, what is that for you, Lisa? All right, well, what if she was your best friend? Just like a friend, and in fact, your wife, right? Let's take someone really close to us. Your wife, my husband, if they came up to us and they said, hey, look, you know this thing

that you said you really wanted? You're kind of bad at it. But you know what? Here's actually ways you can get better. Right? Let's tell you the hard truth. Yeah. But to help you get better.

I would take that immediately and want to have it. And you're exactly right. You're the, I don't think, and I've been doing this like 30 years, I don't think I've heard it said this way ever and I think it's the I won't say it's the path of least resistance But it sort of is in the sense that you could spend the rest of your life trying to cast a spoi out of your head Where you can begin to make them your friend and maybe over time maybe over time to maybe over time That friend will start to speak to you a little bit differently too over time

I bet I bet over time even she starts to talk to you differently over time, that friend will start to speak to you a little bit differently too, over time. I bet, I bet over time, even her, she starts to talk to you differently over time. She does for sure, but she can flip. She can come back. I know, because that guy talks to me still. That guy talks to me still. I had to call the other day with a guy that used to run a country, big country. Jesus.

You know, but, you know, one of those moments where I was an imposter syndrome, and this really confident guy that you see every single day, all of a sudden that dude was back going, this dude has nothing to learn from you. Why in the world, you have this guy completely fooled, and he started to talk to me again. So I'm under no illusion that she goes away forever. Why?

But it's also the margins of life, right? Like maybe potentially that the amount of times where she's cruel and mean to you shrinks, but she's always there. And you've learned to dance with her and make her your friend. And I have to, some extent too. I just think I've not really realized that's what I was doing until you expressed it the way that you do. I think the final frontier, though, on confidence is a difficult one, which is the notion of being able to take criticism, because it's one thing to, you know, the internal voice that you're dancing

with. It's another thing though, when you get actual external criticism, and you say in the book, I can face criticism. That's a belief system or a mindset. And that's the final frontier. That is in my, in my opinion, in life, that's rare a fight air. It's what stops most people. Most dream Steelers in our lives are critics external there's the internal critic who you've got to learn to dance with the Navigator You're not going anywhere as you said, but then there's the external critic too where you do put out a talk or a speech or you do something or Someone's just dismissive of you in a moment at a dinner where you know you go to the dinner Maybe they're talking to Tom the whole time, you know, and not talking to you and you're sitting there or whatever

it could be. There's just, it's a form of dismissiveness or criticism. We all experience, including myself in life. So what about that topic of dealing with criticism? Oh, God, that's so hard. And here's a game, the thing is I give myself grace to always be a work in progress. So it's like some days, you're going to get stung more than others. I've done, I'm a host of Women of Impact, my show, and I've just interviewed way too many

doctors, female hormone experts, you know, professional health experts that say that your, your hormones, especially a female cycle, make all the different depending on where you are in your cycle, is the time where like, oh, you should actually ask for a pay rise right before your period because let me tell you you're gonna have the most confidence. And actually, you shouldn't lift heavy weight during a period because you're gonna be more tired.

Right, like this, you can literally take your cycle and see not always guaranteed you, right? But the best time to ask for pay rise, the best time to give yourself ease to not work out too hard. We all know the word hangry, right? It's like you actually get angry because you're hungry. Now if we know that we can flip that easily just because we haven't eaten the same goes for a comment. Someone makes a comment to you on a day where you're not feeling great about yourself. It's going to impact you differently on a day where you feel like a freaking badass. So first of all, that's important. It's just give yourself grace. If something stings, that you're getting external criticism to give yourself grace in the moment to just

let sit with it. That's what I do. It's like, don't take this into heart. Don't push it out. Don't do anything. Just sit with it. Allow your hormones I do. It's like, don't take this into heart, don't push it out, don't do anything, just sit with it. Allow your hormones and your life of where you are in your cycle route now to just take it in. And now give yourself the grace to the feeling that you have when you hear it. Because that's the thing, it's like, oh, this really fricking sucks. Just own it. That's my next thing. And then the last thing is, where is that person coming from? Yeah. Now look, it's easy to say, it's very hard to do. So what I did, in fact,

let me give you a real world example. Give it to me. I did everything I could to get in front of the camera to do my own show. I was petrified. I did so many mess ups. The voice internally was saying, oh my God, you're so bad, right?

The critic inside. That's how I then was like, okay, critic, how on earth can I make you my BFF? So I turned my critic into my coach. She told me, Lisa, you're bad in front of the camera. I said, great. How are my bad? It's like because you keep messing your outro's up. Amazing. Thank you, negative voice. Now I'm going to practice. Now I'm going to find ways to get better at that ending of my show. So what do I do? I wrote my last tagline. I put it on a whiteboard under my AA camera. So now I've got a backup plan that if I ever got tense,

if I ever got petrified and didn't know how to end the show, I had the backup plan. That backup plan was there because of my negative voice. Gosh. Now in saying all of that, I look at the same credit from the outside. I just first take it in because I can very much be emotionally triggered. I can. So if someone says, especially because I've got bullied as a kid, if someone said something

about my look, I immediately take that up to heart. So it took me so much to get in front of the camera in the first place. So here I am, got my YouTube channel. I do everything I can to get the confidence to stand in front of the camera in the first place. So here I am, got my YouTube channel. I do everything I can to get the confidence to stand in front of the camera, and then one day someone completely misses my pink leg warmers. Okay, okay.

Now, I'm a 90's chick. I fucking love pink. I loved, you know, like headbands and the leg warmers and all of that. I love 90s hip hop. And you own it, I love it. I own it, I do. And so I literally did an episode and I had these pink leg warm own it. I like it. I do. And so I literally didn't

episode and I had these pink leg warmers and I like listening reading comments to see how I've impacted people I like to learn what really resonated and here's a post where literally someone says Lisa, I love your content, but honestly those pink leg warmers and that pink say it was just too much for me. I had to switch it off. Oh gosh. Now here's the thing. I'm very goal oriented. Mmm. So this might pink leg warmers, did it move me towards my goal or away from my goal? Very good, listen. It moved me away from my goal.

Mmm. Because I want to impact and this person switched the video off. Mmm. So I said, okay, with no emotion without getting triggered to be defensive, right? Because I know that that's me. So instead of being defensive, just write it down. Okay, over here, you're not moving towards your goal with this comment.

Okay, I understand that. So what would it look like if I didn't wear my lip, my pink eagormas? I would maybe help a lot more people. I would maybe keep a lot more people to watch my content. But what would that mean about me? Actually mean I'm being authentic because I'm doing something

and this may seem small to other people, but it's these small decisions. It's these small choices that literally make a difference to how we start to think and feel about ourselves. So I knew that and I sat there and I was like, it may just be pink leg warmers. But this actually is a message

that I'm sending to myself on that, on the fact that I'm listening to external criticism. That I'm taking in something from the external because if this person hadn't said it, would I still wear them? And the answer was yes. Okay. Now what's my message? The whole point of the show. Why do I actually do it? To encourage people, to encourage women, to be entirely authentic,

even if other people don't like it. That's why I did the show. I really don't care what life you choose. I don't care if you want to be a stay-at-home wife and have 10 children, or you want to have zero children and go out and build a business. Does the show help you, yes or no? That's all I care about. And so how on earth can I show up every day pretending if I'm here not wearing my pink leg warmers because someone else is going to make a comment? This is a pivotal moment. It may not seem like it to the outside world. I have got to know myself. I've done enough work

on myself to know where these small pivotal moments happen. And in that moment, all I'm talking about is one comment. You can see how much mindset work I did from this one freaking comment about this woman about my pink leg warmers. And in that moment, a process to it. And in that moment, I had to really sit with myself. And so I replied to this woman and said, thank you so much for your honesty. But just so you know, these pink, pink leg warmers are really a show of my faction and really

a show of who I am. If you don't like them, I completely respect that. And I totally understand if you have to unsubscribe. But how on earth can I do a show about authenticity if I'm not willing to show up as my true self? And I wrote that message, I took time and see these small things. If I didn't do that, think about where I'd be a year from now. Think about what I would do five years from now. Where it starts small, it starts as just that one comment about your shirt. And then it becomes one more thing. And now before you know it, your entire show, your guests on your show, how you present your show is all in service to try and please people and not actually that something authentic to you. It starts somewhere. It starts somewhere.

That is genius. Like you're a genius in this space. That is genius. Those, there's a perfect example. Now I was thinking when you said it, so what is it next time? Your makeup, your hair. Yes. The way the chairs are on the background.

The volume on the show, like when does those, when do those in our lives, everybody listening to it, Lisa just said, I'm actually, you can see if you're watching, it makes me emotional because we start to compromise ourselves in our lives, for to please our spouse, to please our parents, to please our friends, to please strangers. And once you start to do that, it's the slope of something very small, and there's another one, and then there's another another one and you wake up in three or four years and you're not recognizable to yourself anymore. And see, I'm willing to fail in my life by fail being me, by fail being authentic. What a tragedy would be to not be your authentic

self and fail anyway and not be successful anyway. If I'm going down, I'm going down as me. And then the fact that you are you makes it impossible. Really for you to go down because you've done it your way. Leading into that, I'm enjoying this so much, so I want to go a little longer. It's true. I love it. But eating leading to that, you say, if you don't want to be a, if you don't want to Basically be a doormat, get off the floor. That's a hard thing to say to people. It's really hard. So how does someone, I'm listening to this right now, I'm low on you know what, I have that voice.

Let's say someone's listening to us and I am down and people treat me like a doormat. I'm not being true. It might not be that people are overtly rude to you every day. But sometimes worse than that is to feel invisible. Nobody sees me. No one knows me. I walk in a room and no one thanks me. No one's grateful for me. And I don't feel like I'm special anymore, which I think I just defined by the way 99.7% of humans walking the earth right now.

And so what would you say to someone who has those feelings? Where would they begin the journey towards creating some kind of change for themselves? Yeah, step one is don't be used to self up for being there. Like how many of us, I can't believe I'm here, I can't believe I let this person push me and every all comes and hindsight. And then so what we end up doing is beating us up even more for being that dormant and now you know, it's like how much negativity can one person take. And so like I said I'll say this a lot give yourself grace that where you are.

I love that word grace. And so now it's like okay start taking assessment because before you make these massive changes and these big grandiose things just sit down with a book on Evano Apple whatever is your thing and, where are the moments that you feel like you're being stepped on and by who? So identifying the people and identifying the situations are gonna be key and this is just, you're just taking inventory right now. You don't need to do anything,

you don't need to change your life, you just take an inventory and then you're saying how it makes you feel. So now take one thing at a time. I personally don't go in and go, and I'll sit boundaries everywhere. It's like, what's that one thing that you want to do today or that you can do today to make that step towards it? So let's say, for instance, um, it may not even be bad.

Let me take my mother, for example, because a lot of people I think have those, like friends and family, those are the hard ones I find. I think the strangers, it's easier. I do too. Because the stranger comes up to you, crosses the boundary a bit, you're like, are you joking? Like it's easier to kind of tell them where to go.

But when it comes to family, especially, I don't want to be gender specific, but as a female, I grew up in a world where it's like pleasing, as know young Greek girl It was all about like pleasing the family and pleasing the men in the family pleasing the parents and pleasing the grandparents And so I think it's very important to one identify Why you're pleasing people where you get that from to me and my mom for instance I

Didn't understand why but I was starting to get really tense about calling my mom like for instance. I didn't understand why, but I was starting to get really tense about calling my mom. Like, I was getting really uncomfortable as kind of putting it off. I started to think about why, and I was like, it's because every time I speak to her, I feel badly about myself. Now, I feel badly about myself because my mom keeps asking me when I'm about, when I'm going to have children. You're going to have baby. Yeah. Very common thing, mom's asked their daughters. Very common thing. Yep.

And so between my mom asking me, when am I gonna have kids? When I was still processing, maybe I don't want children. And then my mom kept asking me how I was feeling when I had massive gut issues. And in those moments where I didn't want to be asked how I was feeling,

because I was just trying to stay strong myself. And I kept saying to mom, please don to be asked how I was feeling because I was just trying to stay strong myself and I kept saying to mum please don't ask you know me how I'm feeling if I need anything I'll let you know and she kept asking me so every time I would speak to her it was a consistent it was consistently oh how you doing are you okay the pity voice yeah and then once we moved on to that so so if you thought about kids, and it- The double whammy. The double whammy. And then so I started to realize

I was getting more and more anxious about calling my mom. Now it's my mom, I don't want to be anxious about calling her. So go back to your question about being on, you know, not necessarily, she wasn't treating me like a dharma, but I realized I had to set boundaries. I love that.

And boundaries are difficult to set. And so first of all, I go in, I joke in the book, I love that. And boundaries are difficult to set. And so first of all, I go in, joking the book, I'm like Tony Soprano. Yes. You know, you step on my boundaries, I gonna break your head. You know, because it took every ounce of courage and strength to set the boundary in the first place

because I had zero confidence. So I was like, all right, you do this and you're trying to put that stake in the ground. Yeah. And of course that doesn't you do this and you're trying to put that stake in the ground. And of course that doesn't go over well when you're walking into someone just demanding something. So I realized my mom wasn't paying any attention to me. She was like, no, she still was going to ask about kids and everything about my health. And so I started to process, okay, how do I talk to her about it?

Let me sit down. Maybe I just haven't articulated my point. And if I tell her how I feel, then she'll totally understand. So I went in and I was like, look, Mom, I love you so much. You love me. Right? I tried the whole growth mindset thing that we know, go in there, tell them how you feel, how what I'm struggling with. And I'm like, Mom, I'm really struggling with this. This is why I don't know if I want children and the pressure is actually becoming too much for me. And then also my gut is really like, I'm trying everything I can to stay positive. And when you're trying to stay positive and someone has that like really like pitiful tone, I was like, I just it's just too much for me, mom. Please don't do it. I thought I'd

communicate everything. She goes, okay darling. That's like, oh my God, this finally worked. Like I sorted it. I was articulate. I had my game plan, I sat there wrote everything out, I was empathetic towards how she was feeling, and the very next time I got on the phone with her, the very first words, out of my hair mouth were, how are you? Are you okay darling? And I was like, oh my god, is this woman joking? Like my mum has the biggest heart so I knew she didn't mean it.

But I started to get frustrated when we all do what we think we've been clear with the boundary and someone clearly just oversteps the boundary again. And so I said, mum, did you understand what I said last time? She said yes. So I said, but mum, you just did it again. You just did it again. Where's the disconnect? She was like like well I

want to know how you feeling she started getting all upset so we kept going back and forward and again this is the point where you're having boundaries when you're trying to set boundaries with someone that's close to you give them grace to be heard even when you're the one setting them because when I gave her the grace to be heard what I realized was me asking her not to ask me was me crossing her boundary. And so what I mean by that is over time where I was like, mum, I don't understand. She's like, oh, I just need to ask, I just need to ask. And it finally hit me. I was like, wait a second, mum. By me not asking, by me telling you not to ask me, were you feeling that now like you're

a bad mom? And she said yes. The fact that you've asked me to not ask you, it's in her language basically saying you're asking me not to care. Interesting, isn't that interesting? And now my boundary is crossing her boundary. Yeah, yeah. And so what we end up doing is we just had it out and I said,

oh my god, because it was someone that I cared about, because it was someone that I was feeling this friction, I felt like I had to talk to her, in talking to her, made me realize her side of the coin, and in me realizing her side of the coin allowed us to both come to the play and create boundaries together. So what we ended up doing was my boundary was alright mum just don't ask me or her boundary was that she still had to ask and my boundary was please don't ask me right at the beginning. And so now every time we talk she doesn't say it first thing, she doesn't say it with a pitting voice but she does ask me how I am, and I don't mind answering.

I love this. See, I think light, shining light on something or awareness, whether it's in a relationship with someone else, or even just on a thought or emotion you have, it loses its power over you in the negative sense. So even when I, you know, I say this all the time with me, when I'm having certain emotions that don't serve me, or a thought that doesn't serve me,

my awareness of the thought, it loses its big impact on me. And that was true with that conversation with your mom. It's like eventually just the awareness of each other's boundaries. The negative impact that one would make on the other sort of begins to lose its power. I had this thing with my dad, I'll share with you where I realized when I was growing up,

the times that I felt loved from my dad is when I achieved and got recognition and significance. So I, most of my life, have conflated significance with love. Mm-hmm. And so I had this thing with my dad and my dad figured out later in life that, hey, you know what, I'm not gonna make a big deal

about all of my son's achievements. I'm gonna show my son love when he's not achieving, when he didn't just make a million dollars, when he didn't just sell a company, when he didn't just make a million dollars, when he didn't just sell a company, when he didn't just give a big speech, and my dad learned that. These relationships with our parents and these dynamics we have with them,

make a huge impact on all of our life. This interview, and I don't mean the pun with the word impact, by the way, but because of impact theory and impact relationships, all these things, this is an unbelievable conversation, Lisa. This is a great conversation, and you've helped millions of people today, including myself. Is there anything the last question I would ask you that to make this just complete today that I didn't ask you about

your own journey with confidence or other people's journey with confidence that's in the book. Because you can see everyone's watching the video. I have notes every here because it's one of these books where it's deep. There's issue after issue and strategy after strategy that's helped. But, you know, I don't know whether it's a topic about respect or whatever. Is there something I didn't ask you that you would just want to share as we finish today about anyone's journey with confidence? I think really maybe about, I mean, I think we touched on it, but really failure is the biggest thing because I think that that's a big reason why people don't try is is so worried about failing that it's going to dent the way they

feel about themselves. They're confident. So they don't try. And the best, the most empowering thing is to flip that idea and say that failure is an opportunity. Failure gives me the way opportunity. Failure allows me to learn. And so instead of feeling the sting and this actually came from my husband, it's like change your identity to being the person that is the learner. Learner, I've heard of say that. I love that. Because when you flip your identity to being the person that learned, every time you fail, you go, oh my god, this is amazing. What was the lesson? Yeah, yes. Or every time you feel imposter syndrome

and you walk into a room, let's say for me, because this was very real, especially at the beginning, I was walking into a room where there was five men or with, you know, five, ten years business experience and his little old Lisa, you know, who'd been a, you know, the boss to her two dogs. And so when I walked in there with total imposter syndrome, the idea of, but Lisa, the fact that you are learning is what you can be proud of. If you tell yourself you're the learner, now when I walk into this room, you can imagine I'm actually not scared because I go, oh, what can I learn in this room? Very good. Very good.

And so any failure becomes an opportunity to learn from. Wow. Lisa, what a great conversation. I'm telling you, I enjoyed this so much today. You stepped into a part of your genius in a really significant way. And this is a take on self-confidence, radical confidence that I've never heard before, that I love, that I love, and that I know this isn't just another book

You know like another book on the same stuff. There's profound lessons in here and great analogies that you will just remember forever She wrote a really great book you guys so Lisa. I've enjoyed this time so much today I love being with you in this context because I've not shared time with you in this way before and it was just a treasure for me So thank you for today. Oh my god. Thank you literally So this is part of my evolution and I like talking. I think it's really important to talk about things in real real time Because it carries so much power and you would ask me earlier about me coming here and it was even that I was like Yeah, I think I can ask if I should be on it, my let show.

You know, and like that's how the mindset goes, right? And it's like, oh, can I ask, should I ask? And that's the thing, but now the great news is of having done this so many times, that thing comes in as, of course you can ask, because if you don't ask, the answer will always be no. That's right. And so reminding myself that if I don't ask,

the answer will always be no, and then reaching out, and then getting a yes, I was like, oh my god, I'm going to be on it in my show. You know, it becomes like then it becomes exciting. And then that emotion comes in. It's like, oh my god, are you going to be good enough? But I've done it so much that I come in. It's like, even if I bomb today, Ed, and you're like, oh god, I get this woman out of here, I would go, what did I learn from that experience? Oh my gosh. Thank God you asked. And I'm so grateful that you asked. And I mean this in the right way when I say it, I'm just really proud of you. I'm proud of anybody that I love or that I care about that I see step into their genius and just own it and serve and make

a difference. And you did that in abundance today. And this book will as well. So I love you and I'm grateful today was awesome. Go get radical confidence, you guys. You can tell you will not regret the fact that you go get Lisa's book. And thank you again for today. All right.

Share this guys. Anybody you know that has anything you want to improve with their confidence or battle through their confidence or has those voices in their head, share it with them. Go get the power of one more of my book as well. Read them back to back and continue to max out your life. God bless you all. This is the end my let's show. You