THE ED MYLETT SHOW - Overcoming an Overdose: Fighting for a New Life After Hitting Rock-Bottom

Episode Date: April 23, 2024

Discover the power of second chances and the road to recovery with Darren Waller’s inspiring journey. This is a powerful story of redemption and the possibility of a second chance in life. Darren Waller, an NFL tight end for the New York Giants, is sharing his harrowing yet inspiring journey through drug and alcohol addiction, and how he transformed his life post-rehabilitation. From abusing oxycodone at 15 to a life-threatening overdose in 2017, Darren’s experiences are not just his own but reflect a battle many face silently. This episode offers hope, inspiration and practical strategies for anyone struggling with addiction of any kind including; substance abuse, work addiction, gambling or shopping addiction, sex addiction and many others. In our candid conversation, Darren offers profound insights into: The day he overdosed and what it felt like to hit rock bottom Rehabilitation and how treatment offered him a new lens to view life Why professional achievement doesn’t necessarily equate to personal happiness The critical role of morning and evening rituals in maintaining mental health How to combat internal uncertainties and stay focused on recovery Embracing the journey of life and addiction recovery moment by moment. Darren Waller’s story is not just about the trials of addiction but also about overcoming great odds to rediscover your potential. Tune in for an episode you don’t want to miss! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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a huge fan of this man. He's an NFL football player. He's one of the best tight ends in the NFL. And we will talk a little football today, but really today has very little to do with football and everything to do about changing your life and this man's done that he's immensely qualified I think he may be the most interesting athlete currently in the world because of his background his trials and tribulations what he's had to overcome and then the way that he expresses his message in his content I I think is going to leave many of you today with a memory you will not soon

forget. And so New York Giants tight end Darren Waller, finally, welcome to the show. It's great to have you. Oh man, it's a perfect time. Yeah, we've been working on this, but I'm so grateful to be here. Likewise. So let's set the foundation. Let's do the hard things first, because this man's work is so profound and so brilliant, but I think if you knew his story it would give you hope that you can change your life, particularly if you're in a downtime right now. So I'll set the stage a little bit. This guy's a

six-round pick. He turns himself into a really great football player, but he's got some stuff in his life going on that most people don't know about that's doing tremendous harm to him. So he ends up, I'll probably mess this up a little bit, Darren, but I'll be close enough. He ends up with a one year suspension for violating the NFL's substance abuse policy. So he's got something going on with substance abuses, but then when he's on suspension, he overdoses and it threatened his life. Obviously, you know, career threatening was one thing,

but it was a life threatening moment. So Darren, as clear as you can, just to set the stage, cause I think when they could see these moments in your life and then once they hear your message later, I think the conversion is going to blow their mind. So can you walk us through that time, like vividly and specifically exactly what happened? Yeah. So that was, um,

August 11th, 2017 was the day that that happened. And I'm setting the stage in June, a couple of months prior to that, I got suspended from the league for at least a year and, um, I had moved back to Georgia and, um, I was like, okay, like this last day I'm gonna go up here and move out of my apartment in Baltimore because I'm not gonna be there. Who knows they're gonna want me when I hopefully get reinstated.

But so I was going up there to move out and I got up there a day before, you know, my dad came up and I went and I was like, all right, well, I'm gonna pick up from these dudes who I pick up from like for the for the last time. Because, you know, and they know what I want, I know what I want. And I thought I was getting what I always got that would, you know, have me on my level. But it was not interrupt a pickup meeting, pickup meeting, whatever drug it was you were taking at the time. Yeah. Percocets like going just like buying Percocets off the street.

And people had been telling me and one of my teammates, um, that to be careful cause people are pressing pills and like, it'll look like you're getting one thing, but it could be fentanyl. And, um, you know, you kind of have that invincible feeling of like, ah, whatever. Like, but that was my day and I got it. And, um, you know, I was snorting them cause of like, eh, whatever, but that was my day. And I got it and I was snorting them because I wanna, you feel it within a couple minutes and that instant gratification.

And I pulled up to a giant grocery store parking lot and was gonna go in and get some food and I think get some beer and go back to my apartment and just do what I do until we move out the next day. And I was going to get out of the car, but I felt like I was just going to just splat on the ground. So I was like, I don't want to cause a scene. I was parked in the last middle of the afternoon. I was just going to chill out in the car until I feel a little bit better.

And then it was like somebody pulled the cord out from behind the TV and it just, the power went out. And it was almost like I just laid my head back, but then woke up, but I woke up and just felt like, really like sick and cold and like covered and like beads of sweat that were bigger than I've ever felt in my life. Or it just felt like, I was like,

I don't really feel like I'm just all the way here's a human being and it was nighttime outside. So I'm like, like what happened? Like, why am I feeling like this? How did this even, cause I thought I was just like, you know, I was just high and just going to kick it in the parking lot for a bit. And then, but you know, looking back on it and unpacking and therapy, it's like, nah, like that was like an overdose. Like I didn't voluntarily take a nap it and unpacking and therapy is like, nah, like that was like an overdose. Like I didn't voluntarily take a nap in that parking lot. I was just trying to be stable enough to keep it moving that day.

And just the feeling that I had and the feeling of fear that overcame me that night was enough for me to just be like, all right, I'll give it up now. Because I thought I was in so much control over what I was doing and clearly had control of me. So that was enough of an experience for me to go into rehab, like a little bit skeptical, but like to at least go. Yeah. So unpack a couple of things there, because all the lessons are about to unfold.

Wait till you hear this man, everybody. I'm telling you, by the way, you're talking about an active NFL football player who is currently one of the best in the world at what he does when you're hearing this. Just give context, because I think most of my audience is probably 15% NFL fans and 85% not. So the first thing that's just profound to picture is you have a guy that's an NFL football player, you'd never realize this, in a parking lot at a grocery store ODing in his car. You'd never realize this in a parking lot at a grocery store, OD'ing in his car. You just don't picture that. You picture that being some other person that does something else, right?

But did I catch that right? Did that mean that somehow you kind of time just... you lost track of time. You were in that car for quite a while then if it was it was the evening when you woke up, but it was bright out when the first event happened when you actually OD'd. Is is that accurate what I just described? Yeah the last collection my memory was in the afternoon just being like oh man like if I get out of the car like people are gonna see me and then they're gonna call police or whatever and I'm like you know what now let me just not attract all that attention and I just sat in the car for a bit it was in summer so it's hot but then it was

just like boom and then I woke up and it was like nighttime and felt like I essentially died but didn't. But it was like looking back it was what God needed to do because I to that point and even still sometimes today I don't really know how to learn and shift things unless I do hit rock bottom. Yeah. That's kind of like how I'm wired and trying to get out of that. But that was an experience that I needed for me to let go because I wasn't letting go for any other reason.

That's amazing. You said something um, profound. By the way, it was God involved because now that I watch you now and the things you teach that you implement the strategies That we're going to go through here in a little bit Frankly, I think he's the best quoted athlete in the world I'm going to read a bunch of his quotes back to him today and have him comment on them Which i've never done on a show before but there's too many good ones But I want to unpack a couple things there because I think a lot of people Think they have control over something that doesn't serve them. So in your case it was perks, right?

You had a drug addiction. But some people they think they got control over, you know what? Yeah, I have negative thoughts but I kind of can control it. It hurts me a little bit but not as bad as you might think. I could probably get control over it or it's overeating or indulging in whatever it might be. They think they have control over something that's harming them. So what did you learn in rehab that caused you to stop? Was it that you just surrendered control? Was it a God thing? Like what took place in rehab that started the process of you turning your life around? So I will think when I was in rehab,

I was introduced just to the overall aspect of honesty and truth and authenticity because I realized mostly all of my life I hid some part of me that was authentically who I was, depending on whatever room I was in. When I was around my parents and family growing up, I didn't really feel all that safe. My parents did a great job. I didn't feel all that safe to just express my feelings and how sensitive I was. You know when I was I was always told like I wasn't black enough. So I was always hiding things. I did that weren't black enough trying to fit in and when I was, you know, the only black kid in these accelerated classes that I was in.

I felt like I had to put on mass there. And so it just became this part of me that always hid something and kind of living this double life, I would say. And so in there, I learned how valuable honesty was, like, because if somebody asked me how I'm feeling, I'm like, I'm good. Like, I'm putting the walls up. I'm not letting you in or being vulnerable, but just being vulnerable for the first couple times. And I was shaking when doing it, but when I got it out, feeling physically and emotionally and mentally lighter immediately after was just like, whoa,

like I want to feel like this. I want to continue to go down this path. But it's like, this path was never really laid out to me as a man, as like, you know, modern day gladiator playing football. Like this wasn't really what was laid out, but I feel like that was being able to share, honestly, like, oh wow, like I'm safe to share these things

is what opened the door for my life to really transform. I'm so proud of you. So everybody, just in case you know, Darren, how tall, what's your height and weight? Just so everybody hears this. I'm 6' of you. So everybody just in case you know Darren how tall what's your height and weight just so everybody hears this I'm 6'6 255. Okay, so we're talking about a Really big man here. And so when you hear a man not only a man, but a man man You know what I'm saying here be that vulnerable and that authentic and he's in a violent sport and it's all about that I hope anybody here can take this lesson. I'm on this kick during the last year or two. It's not even my quote,

but I say it all the time that in life you're most qualified to help the person or people that you used to be. Oftentimes, it's the things that we're most ashamed of in our life or our setbacks. It could be something we're ashamed of our setbacks, our averageness for a while, how invisible we are. We think those are the things that disqualify us from ever doing something we're ashamed of, our setbacks, our averageness for a while, how invisible we are. We think those are the things that disqualify us from ever doing something great when in fact it's typically what God will use to qualify us to help people.

And that's why I feel like your qualifications are so high. So we're going to talk about a bunch of things Darren does that he teaches today, but there's one little thing that has nothing to do with addiction that I didn't notice about your career that I didn't know. We're talking about this off camera. Darren's a six-round pick everybody which means he barely got to the NFL, okay? And this may seem insignificant. It has nothing to do with your addiction but it has to do with like a life lesson. You came in as I understand it as a wide out, as a wide receiver. And what really changed your career was a position change to tight end. And I think a lot of people listening to this may need a position change, literally and metaphorically in their

life. That where they're at, at their career, they could be incredible. They're just in the wrong position. They're doing something that's their former dream or doesn't take advantage of their real giftedness and talents. And sometimes in life, literally what you need to be evaluating is do I need a position change? Do I need to physically change the position to where I live? Who I live with? What I do for a living.

But a position change in some way can change everything. And it changed your whole career, didn't it? So I just want you to speak to that that one incident and how that might affect anybody football or not. Yeah Yeah, a lot of people don't know that they think like alright if somebody was a stud wide receiver Like they just play wide receiver their whole life like not right. I played defense Until I got to college and then I played wide receiver and a triple option offense. So I was really just blocking pretty much the whole time. And so it was really like this.

It really installed a humility in me to where it's like, OK, I feel like I'm a good player and I provide value. But me being moved around and trying these different positions just kept me open minded to like, OK, I can make an impact no matter what my title is, no matter what my role is, there's something that I can bring to the table that nobody else can the way that I do.

And when I got moved to tight end, I was like, you know, like, all right, like I don't know what to do. Like just watching the dudes on YouTube, all the good tight ends from back then, Jimmy Graham, Travis Kelsey, Greg Olson at the time, Zach Ertz, Travis Kelsey was really, I mean,

still doing what he's doing now back then. So just taking from them and just staying open-minded to like, okay, like I know that I'm good. Let me allow these people that are wise, that see certain things in me, see a potential in me, to take that from them and just apply it the best that I can and be patient with myself along this journey because I'm not going to have it figured out from day one.

But then now it's like you look back five years later from that transition, there are teams that were looking for the big wide receiver coming out of college because they wanted somebody that was in the mold of me, which is crazy to look back on and see that's something that could help change the position into what the tight end position is now and all the versatility in it. But yeah, it was a journey.

I didn't know what was happening at the time or the impact of it, but just being open minded to the fact that I could be versatile and do things in different roles and yeah be ultimately find my niche however long it took and that I'll be impactful in it. Yeah I don't think enough people listening to the show right now if they feel a level of dissatisfaction or unhappiness or just they just don't feel at home. Maybe you need a position change or if you run a company, there's this great book called

Good to Great which talks about getting people on the bus in the right seats in your business. Evaluate position changes because oftentimes it's not that someone's not gifted or talented or hard working, it's that they're in the wrong position. So if you're leading people this matters and if you're that person who may just be in the wrong seat on the bus and you need a position change. Okay, so let's talk, let's unpack. He's got so many great quotes here. One thing along those lines about just grinding, there's a quote of yours, and by the way, maybe you took it from somebody else, but I want everybody to hear this, because this is how do you go from being a six-round pick, you're basically a wide receiver, to being one

of the best tight ends in football. And I mean like this dude's a weapon everybody. When he's healthy, we can keep this this dude healthy there's no record he's not capable of breaking and it's because of that position change but also this listen to this quote from you no job is too little or too small or obscure that it can't be done as if it was God's work do you literally think about that is that something it's like a mindset of yours is that is that what a all-pro level person in their career thinks like whatever the job is, it's treated like it's God's work? Yeah, I mean, I believe that gives me, um,

I don't know, just a level of essence and being that I can bring into anything. It doesn't have to be one specific activity. It could be on the football field. It could be, um, creating a song. it could be speaking, it could be doing something through my foundation. Like, like the work of God is just loving people, meeting them where they're at and trying to serve them in the ways that they need to be served. And I can serve my teammates with my effort, my execution, my preparation, my reliability, like you know that and and yeah, definitely taking that to the field.

And, and just that, and that is a level of humility. Like our, our strength coach with the Raiders, AJ Nybill, he would have a quote on the first day, coming in the off season and be like, no, like that's where the part of the no job is too unimportant or too obscure. Like that's like the Raider way. It's like, whatever is required of me, if it's sexy,

if it's not, if it's fantasy points, if it's not, if it whatever it is, like being willing to do that is the definition of success that's really worth subscribing to. So, hey guys, as you know, I've partnered up with my good friend, Brennan Bruchard, who's created the greatest personal development system that has ever been designed called Growth Day.

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are still feeling the effects of inflation. Filling up your car, grocery shopping, home repairs, everything is more expensive. And most of you are paying these bills with a credit card. Credit card debt is at an all-time high. If you're a homeowner, there is a way out. You need to call my friends at American Financing. They can put together a plan to pay off that high interest credit card debt and create meaningful savings for you every month. They're saving people just like you an average of $854 a month and closing in as fast as 10 days. Don't wait, get yourself into a better position. Call their salary-based mortgage consultants today. It costs

nothing to get started and if you start today you could delay two mortgage payments giving you greater savings upfront. American Financing can help get that monkey off your back. 888-995-2440 that's 888-995-2440. That's 888-995-2440. Or visit americanfinancing.net nmls182334 nmlsconsumeraccess.org. When I was young, I thought if I could make it to the major leagues, I'd be happy. And then that dream didn't happen. And then I thought, you know what, if I could be wealthy, then I'll be happy. And then I thought, well, if I could get a mansion, then I'll be happy. If I could get a jet, then I'd be happy. If I could get a TV show, then I'd be happy. If I could have an amazing family, I'll be happy.

And I kept attaching this notion of happiness to some future achievement. this notion of happiness to some future achievement. And every time I got there, I'd move the end zone. I'd move the goal line. Now it's this next thing. It's this next thing. Did you have that with football? Did you think, hey, if I could just get to the NFL, I'm gonna be a happy person?

Absolutely, man. I can have a laundry list just like you. If it was like, if I get to college and play division one, I'll be happy. If I, you know, make it into the NFL and play one year, I'll be happy. If I, you know, oh, now that I'm in a starting role, if I get this big contract, I'll be happy. If I'm rated this in the top 100 players, I'll be happy. And it's like, you check those boxes off and it's just like, it doesn't really move the needle. It's kind of like, this is it. This is all that it was. When really it's like, I start to learn that when I have those goals, it's really like the process of who I'm becoming along the way. That is really the victory. That's really the reward.

And the people that I get to do it with and the things that I learn And the people that I get to do it with and the things that I learn, the people that I get to touch along the way, that's really the thing that's giving the happiness, the process of it. But that was not what I was thinking. I was like, oh yeah, if women want me, if I got money, if I'm balling,

like that's the recipe to success. And you have all three. And I was probably the most miserable I'd ever been in my life having all three. You're the most miserable you know just said that on my show was Prime. Coach Prime just said the same thing. He had all that stuff going and he actually wanted to take his own life at one point when he had all the things that he ever wanted. So in your case what did you find? I mean you just described some of it, but is there, you have this quote,

I'm just gonna read some of your quotes back to you because they meant something to me. It's interesting. There's all these people in personal development that are really good friends of mine. You know, I'm best friends with about everybody that does this for a living. And they do help me, yet there's this tight end

that plays for the giants that has these quotes that impact me. And I'm like, I'm gonna get them on the show, I'm gonna read them back to him. You said a quote. Now you tell me how you do it. Because I struggled with this up into my forties. Like, why am I not happier? In other words, my identity was tied to all these achievements and things.

It's not that I was unhappy all the time, but it just, like you said, it just wasn't what I thought it would be. all the time. But it just, like you said, it just wasn't what I thought it would be. And you have this quote about the obvious and awe. I'm trying to remember what the quote was. Oh, train yourself to see the awe behind the obvious. And I actually wrote that down. It was on my desk for a long time. And what it meant to me was like, appreciate the beauty in everyday things when I see them. That's what it meant for me. And I found like, wow, I didn't have to make a hundred million bucks to be happy.

I could be thrilled that like my little Pomeranian, Daisy and Rose, when I come downstairs are smiling, waiting for me and how grateful I am that they can't wait to see me. And in that moment, I'm flooded with joy, more joy than the mansion that the dogs were waiting for me. I was in if that makes any sense to me. How's it how's that apply for you?

Yeah, 100 percent, man. It's like you have like your dogs right there. Those are those are things that are readily available for you to step into the joy and the love and the gratitude of whenever you choose to. But a lot of times we measure our happiness and success on things where the goalpost just keeps moving. That carrot that's dangling in front of our face, we can't reach it.

Like it's, you know, we get one million, we get two million, we get five million, and we get 10 million, and we get 20 million, but then it's like, all right, well 25 is right there. And if I see somebody next to me with 25, I'm going to feel a little type of way as opposed to being content and grateful for what I have. And it's really like countercultural these days because it's such hustle culture, such grind culture.

And I feel like there's a lot of value in that and it creates a lot of good principles and work ethic in people. But I feel like sometimes it can be a bit extreme because it's like, well, when do I stop and be satisfied and enjoy some of what my life is going on? Because when I get to the end of the road, get to the end of my life, will I have ever stopped to enjoy what's going on, stop to smell the roses? And it's hard to do that. It's hard to be balanced in trying to be the best you can be and continue to push your limits while also being grateful. It's a difficult thing to do. It is. Lately I've been uncovering something. I think you need to know which

type you are also. Like someone who struggles with work ethic or drive or focus or determination or confidence or all that, then these messages are very much applicable. Like you got to get up, you got to go, you got to have your cold plunge in the morning. Like I know you and I both cold plunge, but you got to have these things and be driven and moving. And I think that applies to so many people. But then there are other people based on however they were raised or whatever. Like I was raised by an alcoholic dad, you know that. So I automatically as a little boy wanted to achieve to get attention and praise and love. So I've never struggled with desire or ambition.

This is important for everybody listening to this to identify themselves. I have never struggled with the willingness to work. I don't struggle with desire or ambition or my wanting to grow and read and expand. I'm not deficient in that area. So grind culture is almost dangerous for me, right? It's almost like giving a drug addict their Percocet, right? I need the other message. Hey, right. And what we don't do in personal development or coaching is nuanced.

Which type are we? And I think a lot of people that consume this, like they're already grinders, they're already after it. They're already achievers. Right. They already have all that and no one's messaging to them self-care, rest, recuperation self care, rest, recuperation, meditation, peace, um, giving yourself the gift of bliss and happiness. Now, are you more wired like me and that's why you think you need that other stuff? Yes, 1000%. I mean, from when I was a kid, from, um, you know,

being addicted to validation long before I was ever addicted to drugs. It's like, you know, these people are telling me I'm not black enough. I got to, I got to show them or please them. You know, I got to, you know, when I'm in these classes, the only person that looks like me, I got to prove myself there. I got to make sure these people respect me when I'm on the football field. You know, I remember when I was a kid, I was like, I didn't feel like I fit into these environments, but I knew being in Georgia if I'm good at football people will have no choice but to love me and

and so that work ethic that that grind that willingness to just do the uncomfortable things and to And to succeed and be consistent in my craft was something that I continued to do I continued to get better all throughout from when I was a kid all the way through continuing to be a pro I kept continuing to take leaps. So I'm with you. I don't need more of the go, go, go, grind, grind, grind message. Like I got those things downloaded and I'm putting them into practice.

But as far as the, you know, stopping, resting, seeing the value in myself outside of what I do, seeing the value in who I am just as a person, outright. Those are things I need working. I need work in the self-love because I still think because some of the things that I've done in the guilt and shame that can still linger from those things, I feel like, yeah, I've done good with the second chance that I've gotten, but there's still something in me that still feels like there's something that that is hard for me to fully deeply love every single part of me and so I need that message. I need that downloaded all day every day playing in my ears playing in my headphones like

I need that one. Yeah I think we need to in this culture today distinguish between which type we are. Maria Shriver's a friend and you know my tag has always been Max Out and she's always telling me, she goes, Ed, you don't need more Max Out, you need to chill out. And she's really right. I'm gonna ask you something that you brought up twice. I didn't know we were gonna go there but I want to ask you about it because I've had other friends say this to me as well. This is gonna be a tough one. Not even I was gonna go there with you today But you brought up not being black enough twice. And so because I was an athlete

I'm was around people from every single culture, but I am a white guy, right and my light-skinned black friends Many of them mentioned that to me over and over again. This isn't a typical podcast question, but could you speak to that just for a second? Is that what you mean by that? That like you're not, you don't fit into the white world because you're clearly, you know, you have a black culture and black ancestry, but you're sometimes, this is something in black culture as well that if you're not dark enough, you're not black enough. And this is something that young

children by the way this is going to become more and more prevalent as we all now mix together more than we ever have in our culture of mixed races which to me are the most beautiful people in the world but it's a real thing that's very rarely talked about outside of kind of like private conversations so that really impacted you growing up and could you speak to that a little bit because you brought it up twice i'm not going gonna let that go by on a podcast without Opening that up a little bit. Yeah. No, it's a real thing. It's um, you know, I Swim my first friends growing up in my cul-de-sac in my neighborhood when I moved to Georgia Were white but it wasn't my choice

I mean they were they were outside riding bikes playing football playing baseball like they're like, oh man I want to do all those things. We're just rolling with them. And, and I feel like my, you know, things like musical taste, like clothes I would wear, you know, it'd be like, why are you dressing like that? Why do you hang around them? Like, you're not really black.

Like, why do you talk? Why do you talk so proper? Like, why do you care so much about school? Like, why do you,, why you talk so proper? Like why you care so much about school? Like why do you, it's almost this eliminating like crabs in the bucket mentality. And you know, get the kids to know what they were doing at the time, but you know, we've been conditioned over time that by, you know, by being black, like we should be

a certain way. And some of those things are kind of limiting because it's like, nah, like I'm proud today that I always joke with people, like I used to hide that I love this song called home by dotry when I was in middle school. That's still our favorite day but it's like I would always I would hide things like that because I'm like, I don't want these people

to continue to make me feel like I'm not enough. It's like I love hip hop. So it's like, it's just always hip hop. Yeah. And but yeah, it's this constant state of, I have to derive the validation that I seek from these people. And it almost feels impossible because I'm black, but I'm not black enough and I can't change my skin color. I can't make myself darker. I can't do anything like I am who I am. And it's a tough identity to shake, especially those early years when your brain is forming. And that becomes a truth in your mind.

It can become very hard to shake. Yep, you know, obviously I can't relate to that, but it's something that so many of my friends have told me that fit that description, so to speak. And I think there's other things that can happen when you're a kid too. Like for me, I had the shame of, and it's not the same, but the same of I'd meet what I thought were normal

Families out to dinner their dad wasn't drunk. You know, I mean or there wasn't yelling in their house and I was Always thinking there's something wrong with me because I come from this I'm not like them in my own version of my life, which is different than yours. Nick Curios You know, the great tennis player was on and his thing was he grew up a fat kid. And so he had the shame of that and never really feeling like he fit in. And it's interesting, so many things that can happen

in our childhood that make us feel different, you know, not in the group, not in the crowd. Ironically, if you're one of those kids listening to this that's being that way, you know what's really cool? We're usually the ones who win. It's people that conform that are like everybody else. I always say conformity is like the ultimate form of cowardice. Being just like everybody else is kind of a cowardly approach to life. Standing out, being different, being unique, being authentic, being special to

whatever you are, whatever that means, whatever you're you love in life or who you love in life, whatever that is. Like at some point in your life, you'll celebrate the fact that you're different. But as a child, it can really wire into us a lot of unhealthy things. And obviously in your case, it's something I can't relate to, but I didn't want the moment to go by without asking you. So appreciate you, you know, educating us and being authentic about that. America starts the day with America in the morning. First of three pushes of storminess.

Hi, I'm John Trout, your host for the latest news, politics, entertainment, business and weather. It was a speech with political overtones. Our staff of correspondents provide a fast paced look at the world with specialized reports from where news happens. What do you do routine wise that we might not know about? You're a real discipline dude in your routines. Is your most important time the morning, the afternoon, the evening? And if so, what stuff you do to keep you on track?

I would say morning has always been most important since I've gotten sober and kind of added tools to my toolkit, but I'm kind of starting to realize the value of the evening as well now. Cause it's like morning is meditation, journaling, there's a 12 step Zoom meeting I do every day at 8 a.m. Do you really, every day,

every day you do a 12 step Zoom meeting. Yeah, so, and there's devotional books that I read out of, those types of things working out. But I'm realizing the evening now of having that period of reflection and inventory to where it's like, okay, what went well for my day? And acknowledging myself for that. What are things that I could have done? Was I a little bit self-centered in one area? Was I afraid and acted on that fear in one area? And taking those things and, you know, taking the lesson

from it and letting it go. And also kind of planting seeds for the next day as well. So, but yeah, it's always been the meditation, the yoga, the working out, journaling, meetings, just being around community of people because I'm a very isolated person by nature so I got to kind of push myself out here to build that community. But yeah, I'm putting the emphasis on now forming more of an evening routine as well because I'm seeing so much value in that as well. Yeah, you know everybody when you're listening to this man I just have to remind you, you see these big strong men running into each other with their helmets on, and behind every one of those helmets is a man with a story.

And some of these men are incredibly impressive, like this young man right here. You can forget, you think you're talking to a self-help guru or an author, you're talking about a man who's one of the greatest athletes in the world too, and you're onto something there, Darren. Morning routines are almost overcooked in the world too and you're on to something there Darren. Morning routines are almost overcooked in the world today. They're important, what's undercooked is evening routines.

And it's been one of my secret hacks in my entire life is that I have a decent morning routine I think. It's gotten shorter and more simple over the years. They used to take me three hours to get through them. Like I need to get to work. You know what I need to do in the morning is work. But I gotta tell you my evening routine is just simple things like I lay out my outfit for the next day.

I program my subconscious mind before I go to sleep to work on my schedule the next day. There's just so much time. It's the end of the day, we're tired, we're watching TV. Most people just kind of crash at the end of the night. Really believe everybody listening. If you want to separate yourself, take a page out of what Darren just said and craft some sort of easy to do

15 to 20 minute evening routine that gets your mind and your spirit right before you close your eyes, that gets you focused, that gets you set up to win the next morning. That's a separator where you can separate yourself from so many people. So I appreciate you saying that. You got a quote, I want to ask you what this means. By the way, I've never done this before. I have a guy who's listening to the show where I read someone's quotes back to them. That's how good they are.

And I'm sure you took these from other places, but you live by them, which is what matters to me. May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears. What do you mean when you say that? And how's that manifest itself? Yeah, I would say that, you know, the life that we want, I feel like the circumstances that we want, the state of mind that we want is all like reflected upon, reflected from the choices that we make on a day to day.

And I feel like, you know, at the very beginning, the choices that I make, I have to be able to trust myself and respect the choices that I make, I have to be able to trust myself and respect the choices that I make. And from there, when I do that, I feel like I can look to the future with hope and maintain a vision of what I want my life to look like. And okay, that's the mountaintop. It's like, all right, what are the choices

that are in the individual steps that are gonna take me to get there? And just keep those things as simple as possible. What can I do today in this moment or within this hour that can move me closer to or create the heart and the mind and the framework in me to handle that success or handle that level of anointing? What can I do today to move me towards that? Because a lot of times we can look at that mountain and I'm victim of it too of like, man that's super high up like dang I don't know if I'm gonna get there and if I what if I fall off what if I don't make it what are these people gonna think

about me? And you start to do things out of making sure that you don't look bad or making sure that you don't slip or making sure that you don't lose when really like there are certain losses and failures that need to happen along the way probably to help you get to where you want to go and that's what with that hope that doesn't always mean that everything is going to go your way but it does mean that you're moving in that direction and learning the things and just living a real life of like everything's not always going to be wins everything's not always going to be positive but I can if I'm maintaining that hope and that faith through those circumstances is what's preparing me to to make whatever I want,

whatever vision I have to become reality, I guess. Yeah, you got to ask yourself, everybody, if you're listening to this, how many choices do you think you make on a daily basis out of fear? And how many do you actually make out of hope or your vision or your dream? Be really interesting thing to ask yourself. Because your autopilot is one or the other. And I will tell you that I think 90 plus percent of people, their autopilot is to operate to avoid pain or out of fear.

And he's raising his hand. And it is not out of dream, vision. I'm actually doing a podcast on this later today It's not out of the for the ladder which is dreams hopes faith We don't make our choices unconsciously that way It's something worth looking at and what if you could just change that by 20% That 20% of the time at least you moved out of hope and faith and dreams. How do you deal with doubt Darren? I mean I gotta think first off being a top-level athlete. There's a lot of doubt

Sobriety there's doubt coming out and doing this today You know putting yourself out on social media like you do daily teaching these lessons I'm sure not everyone's like that's amazing what you're doing and wondering whether or not, you know, like you said you've made some mistakes I have these thing I'm doing right now where I say there's four D's that I think the adversary or the devil uses to get us off our dreams and the four are discouragement, doubt, delusion and delay. Doubt's a huge one. There's probably not a human watching this today or listening to it who does not struggle with some degree of doubt and when they look at a dude like you, like 6'6", 250, super handsome dude, millions of

dollars, accolades, he probably has no doubts. Does he? And how does he deal with them if he does? Man, that takes me to one specific moment. There was a 2020 season, which was my best season. And I had a 200-yard game that year. We played the Jets. And there's like only six dudes at my position in the history of the league that have done that.

And I remember, you know, you play Sunday. Monday is like a lift. Watch the film. Then Tuesday is your off day. Then Wednesday is your first day of practice out of the game. And we're at Wednesday in practice. I'm lining up routes on air against like no defender out there. Just catching the pass, just getting warmed up.

And in my mind, I'm like, all right, like got to catch this. Don't drop this pass. I'm like, I just came off 200 yard game where I caught everything that was thrown at me could not be stopped. But here I am on Wednesday. Like I hope I catch this pass with no defender covering me. So it's like even in the midst of success and doing a lot of great things,

I'm still battling that doubting mind because it's been, it was wired in me since I was a kid of like, I don't know if these people are gonna accept me. I don't know if I'm, you know, safe here. I don't know if my performance is ever gonna be enough. And then it's like, you do a performance that is not just more than enough, but historically recognized.

And I still am like, I hope I catch this pass in practice. Like it's a it's a real thing and it constantly has to be revisited and and sat with honestly, like when it's when doubt comes, like I was used to numbing it like with pills, with drinking, with women, like whenever when doubt comes in. But it's really sitting with that doubt and being like, well, why am I afraid of that? Like what does, like what is the worst possible thing that could happen and could I handle that? Like, you know, somebody points at me and laughs

or says something in the comments, like, because I fail, like, can I, like, what about that scares me so much? And that'll kind of point you to more towards answers. So it's still something I'm unpacking in my life. that scares me so much and that'll kind of point you to more towards answers so it's still something I'm unpacking in my life. That's fascinating to me that you have 200 yards against you know the best defenders in the league and all these schemes and by the time you got 80 yards their schema to shut you down so you end up getting 200 and now you're worried about catching a pass in the air with nobody covering you right and one of the lessons from that that I've learned Darren because you know with my work with athletes, but just humans is,

a lot of us think, well, failure causes doubt, and it does, but one of the great triggers of doubt is progress. When you're making progress, it's a huge doubt trigger, because now you're going into unchartered territory. And what starts to happen in your mind is you start thinking, the tools that got me here aren't gonna get me beyond here, and it starts triggering these doubts. So

just remember this everybody, that's why most people don't succeed long-term because their results start to exceed their identity and what they do is they cool their life back down. They're like I'm gonna doubt myself right back to where I'm comfortable. You're 200 yards, I've never done that in an NFL game before. Let me cool this thing back down where I get 40 next game and drop a couple passes, right? And if you're on audio, he's nodding like smiling because progress is a great trigger of doubt in your life. It's a huge one. Let me ask you a question. What does living one day at a time actually really look like. My dad did it. My dad lived one day at a time for 35 years. And it looked like one thing for my dad. But like, what does that really mean? I'm not talking about just refraining from, you know, drugs or booze or whatever.

But like, what does that mean to you when I say one day at a time? So that is a philosophy that I definitely live by and there's a in Tulsa rooms there's a serenity prayer so I feel like they kind of go hand in hand so it's like God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference so it's like one day at a time is like okay I'm living presently I'm living and doing the things in this day I'm not I'm accepting the past for what it was and not just wallowing in the shame. I'm accepting that I really can't control many outcomes when it comes to the future. So I'm letting those things be. And then by when I let those two things happen, it allows me to

better arrive in the moment. And I feel like getting that perspective from recovery helped me to come in in 2019 where it's like I came on first year off practice squad and I'm starting and you know, and I had 1100 yards that year, but it wasn't like me coming in like I'm about to just kill the whole league. Like it was just like, nah, when I was trained to get reinstated, it was like, all right, how do I maximize this one drill and take that into a practice rep?

And how do I take this practice rep and turn it into a great full two and a half hour practice? And how do I turn this one practice into a great practice week? And before you know it, that turns into in the game, it's like, all right I just got to make make something happen with the ball one time I can make one play and then I come back and I can make one more play you know and those things start to stack up you don't even look at the stats but

then somebody's like oh you have such and such yards and I'm just like wow like as opposed to just looking at that number the whole way or looking at that that result the whole way or looking at that result the whole way. Like, yes, I keep the vision in mind, but I'm not so fixated so far ahead that I'm tripping over things that I should be seeing right here underneath my feet. So that's where I feel like the one day at a time comes in. It's like letting the past be what it was. Like, yeah, I f***ed up plenty of times. Got it.

In the future, like, of course I want to be great. I want the results to be this way, but I can't really control it. So why would I waste my energy? Got it. Like, I'm going to be right here and do everything that I can. I want in sports, I have everyone quotes him, but I thought that was one of the things I think Mahomes is great at that and Brady's great at that. And what I mean by that is one of the things about being able to, you know, control the things you can, you can't is like, hey, if you throw a pick, it's not living in the past with that. You can't control that, surrender it and focus on the things you can, you can't is like, hey, if you throw a pick, it's not living in the past with that.

You can't control that, surrender it, and focus on the thing you can control, which is the next play. It's the same thing in business and in life. Or if you made a mistake with your kids, you can't do that. Surrender control over it, own it, and control the things you can, move on to the next thing.

That's what great people do in life, is exactly what that serenity prayer preaches. And it's not just about drugs or alcohol. It's a way to live life. Like you just described was so beautifully said, brother, let me ask you a question. You said once that you have a, you one time had a transactional relationship with God and I told you I prepped for this. What did that, what does that mean exactly?

And how did you change prepped for this. What did that, what does that mean? Exactly. And how did you change it? If you did? So yeah, so I grew up in a, going to church, Baptist churches in the South and you know, church was really long. I used to get the back of my head slapped by my parents or relatives because church was from nine to two and I'm a kid in there and I'm like, all right, like I just got a church was a chore. Church was me showing up I do I come to Bible study I go to Wednesday night I do these things and essentially by me doing these things that people tell me to do God owes me

something God gonna give me a blessing because I do these things and so it's like alright I give the transaction is me doing. And so it's like, all right, I give the transaction is me doing those things. And it's like, okay, God gives me the blessing. When really it's like, and then once I started to kind of go down a darker path, you know, I was always been a smart dude, almost too smart for my own good.

And I realized like, oh no, that's not how God works. And I started behaving in a way that wasn't necessarily, you know, reflective of a Christian or somebody that follows God. It's like I kind of fell away. Um, and then through the, the 12 steps and getting sober and, uh, building a spiritual life for myself, not as a chore, I started to see, um, you know, God more as somebody that's worth having a relationship with, because even in the times where it was incredibly dark and Not knowing what was going on. I feel like everything I touched I was destroying

He was working a plan together the whole time and it's like I can look back at the overdose and all things are laid up To that it was like it's so it looks so divinely orchestrated Looking back because it gave me so much experience and so many things to look back on. And now that my life has changed, I can remember vividly what it was like and not wanna go back there. And the way that I don't go back there is by walking with God and trying to have my character

reflect his as much as possible here on the earth. And that's just by loving people, being of service, continuing to work on the parts of myself that aren't necessarily that great or that developed, just so I could do the work that he would want me to do. So I came from, yeah, transactional relationship with God. I'm just like, all right, I'll do these things. God gonna give me a blessing, when it's really like,

the blessings come when he sees your heart posture and how you live your life and knowing that, okay, I'm here to do the good work, I'm here to do the real work. And through that he can bless you because those blessings aren't gonna shift your heart or shift your purpose. I told you I'm gonna know anything for this, just so you know. I cannot get over you, brother. I just think you're remarkable. I am so blessed, man. I picked the best guests for my show.

I'm just sitting here thinking, everyone I have on here just somehow shines so bright in the moment when I put this camera on them, and I'm watching you do it. And so thank you so far. I'm actually one or two more things though. Take us into a locker room. it and so thank you so far. I'm actually one or two more things though. Take us into a locker room. You've been to a bunch of camps now. What most people forget is like I was watching this the dynasty thing on the Patriots the other

night you know that's on Apple. It's really interesting but you forget how much turnover there is in professional sports. It's like I'm watching the Patriots I'm like really it was Brady and Belichick were the two dudes there the whole time. But the cast channel, you know, people don't watch the NFL to notice, but like Bruce ski and some of these guys there for a while. Right. But like, there's so much turnover in the league. So few people, I don't know what the stats are last even three years, five years,

get their second contract. Take us into a locker room. Do you kind of know, like when you're in camp or you're with the dudes, this dude is not gonna stick. He's immensely talented but there's something. Is there something guys like you that last have that the guys who don't because everyone that's there was the best player on their high school team. Everybody there was probably the best player on their high school team. Everybody there was probably, maybe the best player in their league, best player on their college team. So this is high level stuff.

What is the separator or the thing that gets a dude cut eventually? Is it work ethic? Is it lack of focus? Is it indulging too much in the things off the field? What is the thing and do you see it and you kind of almost know? It's a combination of all those things and over time you can you can learn to see it

It can start with the guys daily habits How much he's willing to pour into the day-to-day craft? What's his attitude and his perspective towards practice every day if it's like a huh like, you know, he'll take that into the drills He'll take that into the reps that he's getting and won't be ready to pounce on opportunities. It could be, you know, guys get to the league and, you know, it wasn't necessarily sustaining and having a great career. That was their goal. But it was the things that came with coming and getting to the league, whether it was the jewelry, whether it was the cars, whether it was the women and going to the club and having all the designer clothes,

like if there's too much of a focus on that and the material things, you can start to weed those things out. And then I think a main one is like, how does a guy respond to a mistake that he makes or a failure that occurs? A lot of guys will just take themselves to the woodshed when it's really like, nah, man,

you gotta be your greatest encourager out there because a lot of these coaches might not encourage you. A lot of guys that are fighting for their own jobs out there, there are certain guys in the league, a lot of guys on different teams that'll encourage you, but you gotta be the main encourager of yourself and be able to soothe yourself out there

because not everything's gonna go well. You're going up against dudes that are tremendous athletes as well. So not everything's gonna go your way out there, but I'll say that's one. And then just picking up the playbook, allowing yourself to move fast while processing things because a lot of guys can't move fast and process.

Like a guy may run a 4-2-4-ity, but when it's time to read coverages on the run, he's running four or five. And that's not, that's not why we drafted you. We drafted you to run fast type of thing. So it's the mental processing of not only the game on the field, but a lot of things, just being able to be mentally resilient

and adapt on the fly and deal with adversity is what, you know, stops a lot of guys short because there are so many guys that make it to training camp and that may get cut but it's for those reasons it's not because they're not physically talented there's so many guys that don't get a chance to play on Sunday but that are extremely gifted. Can you feel will with with a player when you're playing? I mean let's just say dude you're blocking and you've just worn him out a couple times. Can you feel him losing his will or you got a guy, let's say they've got, you know, there's a safety that's regularly covering you when it's man on man

and you've beat this dude a couple times. Can you feel them lose their will? And in other words, at the highest level in something, how much is will matter? And are there other dudes you're like, this is a dude most people don't want any part of. This, their will is just, I think of like Aaron Donald who just retired yesterday, right? Undersized dude, dominant, some think the best NFL football defensive player of all time, certainly in the top five, probably defensive players. I just watch his will and I've watched guys that I've watched nose guards and different guys I'm like, I think the dude that's trying to block him by the third quarter has like lost his will to

Participate anymore. Can you feel that when you're playing in certain circumstances? Absolutely, man. There's nothing more powerful than a mindset where it's There's nothing that you can do to stop me and you actually believe it and you're actually like in the flow of feeling it with every fiber of your being, man. And you can, yeah, you can tell when a dude, like when dudes are coming up to play me and press coverage, like it's already a tall task.

And then when they get beat, like you could say their eyes get a little bigger or they might start like being a little, like getting out of their coverage a little bit quicker or trying to do new things. But you can start to see that anxiety. You can start to feel it. You don't got to be said. It doesn't got to be a whole lot of different body language, but you can you can feel it and you know.

And it's a powerful place to be. It's a powerful flow to be in. And it's one of the greatest feelings that I've ever feel in my career and just be out there and be like, there's not a single greatest feelings that I've ever feel in my career and just be out there and be like, there's not a single thing you can do to stop me and continue to produce on that and give your team that spark, it's awesome. This has been so good.

You're giving me a spark to be honest with you. So many millions of things I wanted to ask you but I'm not gonna let it go without this last question. So I want to talk about preparation. You have to say who, but you've been on teams where the preparation is freakishly good and I bet you've been on teams where it's like so-so, right? How much is that respected in a locker room? Preparation and how big of a separator, I think it was Russell Wilson, he didn't quote it one time, said the separations in the preparation and I find in

business podcasting, whatever it might be, I've been amazed by podcasts I've been on, you've been on too, I'm like this dude has done absolutely zero preparation for this podcast and then I've been on other ones where the guy is probably not that or the lady's not that great of an interviewer but I so admire the preparation they've done and I got to think in professional sports there's momentum that can literally just be created in business or sports by high-level preparation and the respect that it creates and the unity that it creates in a locker room. Have you seen the difference you have to say who but have you seen the difference from one

team to the next that you've the difference from one team to the next that you've been on or one year to the next and how's it impact play? Absolutely, I've seen it in the way that practices are structured, the way that meetings are structured, the timing of the day to make sure that players are engaged and not just worn out, sitting in different activities and then going out to practice like, you know, it's like the preparation

on the operations part, on the coaching part, and then like collectively on film study, on scouting reports, on tendencies. It's like, you know, at the end of the day, when you're going out and doing these things on the field or anywhere in life, it's like you're going out there and you're visualizing things to happen one way,

but they're gonna happen in different ways. There's gonna be different variables. You're gonna have to adapt on the fly. And that preparation allows you to have wisdom in the reactions that you have when you're reacting on the fly. Because if you don't have preparation, your first reaction is gonna be like,

oh, I don't know what this is. I've never seen this. I've never anticipated this. So you're gonna freeze up a little bit. Whereas if something shifts, it's like, oh no, I've seen this this. I've never anticipated this. So you're gonna freeze up a little bit. Whereas if something shifts, it's like, oh no, I've seen this dude shift down this coverage in a couple different games. So I know it's this coverage now,

and then you're moving with a lot more confidence. It doesn't necessarily mean that you're gonna be able to predict everything that happens, but it's more so your reaction when things, variables, somebody throws a monkey wrench in there, it's,, no, I'm like, I have the tools and the wisdom to be able to respond and and make something magical happen. And you see that that's a difference between a lot of teams because the talent gap between the Kansas City Chiefs and the Chicago Bears,

the number one pick is that big to a couple of plays a game. It's a couple of turnovers a game. And it's usually when that preparation comes in's a couple plays a game. It's a couple turnovers a game and It's usually when that preparation comes in like they turn a blitzer free You know a coverage happens where it catches the quarterback off guard or something like that You know, it's just things where the reaction to the change, you know wasn't what it should have been But that's where preparation allows you and prepare and gets you ready Man, I gotta tell you, by the way, preparation and wisdom.

In business, I can tell you what I've noticed. Most entrepreneurs, most business people are playing checkers, and there's very few that play chess. And the ones who play chess are just more prepared and they make it look easier, and it's a huge separator, and you're right, it's actually wisdom.

Here's what I feel like happened today. I'm wiser because I spent this hour with you and I know my audience is. I think like I said I opened up with it and you proved me right. You're one of the most compelling and interesting multi-dimensional deep athletes in the world and I really enjoy our time and our conversation and I knew it for the last two years we've been trying to put this thing together that this would be great and you nailed it today so Darren thanks so much seriously brother for being here today man thanks for having me man appreciate you blessing the world with fire consistently man a lot of people I speak on behalf for a lot when we say thank you yeah thank you and by the way

we didn't get into a lot of this so go to his Instagram guys because he does incredible work in his foundation he's got great music out right now. When I say multi-dimensional, multi-faceted, I mean it and you can get all that stuff through his Instagram. So go check out Darren Waller on Instagram everybody. You'll be glad. He's a great follow. He'll inspire you. You'll learn things and you'll be entertained too. So, alright. Thanks again, Darren. Amen. Alright. Alright. God bless you everybody.

Please share today's episode with anybody that you admire, care about or want to help. Max out! This is The Ed Mylan Show.