THE ED MYLETT SHOW - Rachel Hollis - Living Fearless

Episode Date: September 26, 2018

Rachel Hollis Is between a podcast, a media company, six books — including this year’s New York Times best-seller "Girl, Wash Your Face," one of Inc’s Top 30 Entrepreneurs Under 30 — four kids and a loving husband, it’s safe to say that Rachel Hollis doesn’t have much free time. Yet somehow, she has managed to do it all... And have time to sit down with me for this inspiring interview where we talk about how Rachel embraces the chaos and seeks only to feel centered amongst the flurry. "The babies and housework and spreadsheets and meetings and birthday parties to plan, along with a million other things that might overwhelm me... They are just a list of my many, many blessings." - Rachel Hollis So how does this woman-on-top live so FEARLESSLY??? Watch the full interview out NOW to learn exactly how it's done! This is an interview of pure strength you DO NOT want to miss out on this one!

Don't be fooled by imposter's. Listen to the guy who really did it. Ed Mylett at Ed Mylett.com. Awesome this day right now. It's lady to my left. I've been working so hard to get her on my show. This is Rachel Hollis everybody. For those of you that don't know she has been living under a rock. And so I'm going to give her a proper introduction. I'm so glad you're here. I'm so excited. Oh my gosh. I'm so, oh my gosh. Of course. This is like a dream. It's going to be awesome. Yes. So this lady, if you don't know her or something wrong with you, but I'll give her the proper introduction. So she's written six books. Her six one has gone crazy. And has made her a rock star literally

in the personal development world. She has a number one podcast in the world right now. Her book is blowing up. She's a sought after speaker. She's got more speaking dates than she knows what to do with right now. And she's really making a difference in the world. She's changing the world.

She's the new face of personal development. She is, I'm just going to tell you, there's just not enough women in this space and then one comes along It doesn't just kind of get into the space But just literally dominates it and takes it over like you have and so I have so many questions to ask you Because our phone conversations have been so beautiful. Yeah, because you're so self-aware And honest and I think that's what's made you resonate with so many women and men in the space because I want everyone to listen to this because I know the women right now are going thank you for having her and we've got your full attention but I want the men to know something.

There's not that many people in the personal development space where their content alters and moves me and you do that for me and so men you got a lot to listen to today as well and this lady has my full and complete endorsement. Okay, I want you to. There's so sweet. Thank you. So I want to start out. I don't want to go all the way back to your childhood

because there's just too much that's happened recently. Yeah. But I do want to go back to where kind of the Rachel Hollis brand started. And so, my understanding is it started with you kind of blogging when blogs were big. So take me back to that point, because I know I'm assuming at that point you didn't think all of this was going to be up. So you started blogging when blogs were big. So take me back to that point, because I know I'm assuming at that point

you didn't think all this was going to be up. So you started blogging really about like kind of cooking and being a mom at the time. What was that called and how did you start? So I owned an event planning firm in Los Angeles for a long time and I was starting to feel burnt out. I had built this company, I had gotten the clients that had big celebrity clients and had the fancy loft office and the team of people and I didn't love it.

Like I just was really burnout searching for something else and this was like end of 2007. So this is the early days of blogging. And everyone was talking about blogging and I thought well shoot, I'll try that. Did you have kids yet? I did. I had a 2007, I had one baby, and then had another one in 2008. So I am B. 0.1% of people got pregnant on birth control. That is a thing. Be careful. What happens in Vegas does not stay there. His name is Sawyer.

He's 10. So. My dad's a little boy. Yeah, so I started blogging. Have little kids just sort of trying to figure myself out and it was the worst. Like it was the worst blog you've ever read in your whole life. Didn't know how to take a picture, didn't know how to write, none of it.

Not even my mom read it. What was it called? Shik. So my company was called Shik Event. Shik Event. And then it was called, oh this was like, it was like dot blog spot, it was my Shik life, that's what it was. So I start blogging and I figure it out

and I start to build up a little bit of a following and I'll never forget, egg lands best eggs, reaches out and they say we wanna give you $250. If you will put our eggs in your next recipe and I was like, hot damn. We are really rolling now. So I'm like yes I will put your eggs in my yeah so that was the first time that I realized that brands would pay for the opportunity to be in to get in front of your audience and because I had worked in the space with corporate

clients for the longest time on the event side, I was like, I immediately started thinking of how can this be bigger. So most influencers would say, like, oh, let me see if I can get some more $250 things. And I was like, how do I get egg lands to sponsor me for a year? How do I get that? How do I go to on a bigger scale? How do I pitch something bigger? So I feel like we really had success in that space because from the very beginning I was trying to make it where I don't want to be an event planner anymore. And I need something to make that money for me. So it became blogging.

But it's interesting because the event planning thing like we both say something, one thing I love your content because some of it overlaps with you and I. I say it with a deeper voice than you do and you say with a prettier face than I have. But you talk a lot when I believe this deeply that life happens for us and not to us. So really to some extent though the event planning had to happen first because it did give you some kind of an entrepreneurial sort of business mindset. Yeah it was. I had been doing events I moved to Los Angeles at 17 graduated high school year early moved to LA at 17 get a job working at Mirmax Film, which at the time was a huge

production company and I was doing events with them. And it was, you know, just like young and dumb and like, oh I can for sure do this myself. So I can for sure do this myself. And I loved and I have had that from the very beginning. I loved the puzzle of being an entrepreneur. I loved, okay, how do we increase revenue? And how do we decrease costs? And how do we scale? And how do we, I like that still to the state excites. Did you have, so you get the puzzle piece, but were you, I'm just curious because not everybody has this. Sometimes it's developed later in life. Were you like even back then when you're, you started the blog, you're at Miramax, you're

Miramax, then the event planning, then the blog, were you like a big dreamer like, I want to make a big impact, you were just like, I'm I'm I'm living my life and I'm going to start trying new things like the most massive dreamer. Oh, a big streamer. And from the time I was little girl, so I had a pretty hard childhood. Why you're the baby. I'm the baby. So I had a pretty hard childhood. Why, you were the baby.

I'm the baby of four. Why was it hard? My parents' marriage was abysmal. Like the entire time I was alive and they were together, it was abysmal. Dad has a really bad temper. So I'm the daughter of a Pentecostal minister. And we were that, like, everything looks perfect on the outside and on the inside, you know,

punch and holes in the wall, screaming. So it was really hard. My older brother was schizophrenic. When I was 14, he committed suicide and I found him. And that that was really our family was already such it was so hard it was such a mess and that shattered everything like there was no coming back from the loss of him and I from a very early age just thought I got to get out of here I got to get out of here and the only way I'm gonna get out of here is if I do it myself. So that really started me on the journey of Ryan Died when I was 14. I was a freshman in high school. And I was like, how do I get, how can I graduate high school early?

How do I take every class so that as soon as I'm able, as soon as I have the credits I'm gone. So I did. I graduated as a junior and I moved, as soon as I have the credits I'm gone. So I did. I graduated as a junior and I moved to LA without, I couldn't even sign the lease on my apartment. I would meet out and I just hustled. I worked three jobs. I shopped for groceries at the 99th Cent store. I just wanted out.

And so I was always, I mean, that like, the dreaming, like that carrot of dangling in front of me, like someday, someday, like my big someday was, someday you would be able to walk into target and buy something there. Someday, like the dreams that I had, like the big, exciting thing in my life was when I had enough money to go to subway

on a Friday night and I would get a six-inch sandwich and like Doritos and I would feel like a queen. Like it didn't, I just kept thinking if you just work hard. And I think the reason I wanted to start my own company is because I felt like just like with my childhood, I wanna live or die by my own sword. I wanna be like if I fail, it's on want to be like if I fail it's on me

But if I succeed it's on me nobody else gets to decide my destiny It's the first time since I've known you it I I'm picturing you as that little girl. That's really interesting like I'm picturing that little girl She's still like totally there with you. Yeah, oh, she's like right there. Yeah. That's tragically beautiful, ironically, with that story as, I'm sorry about your brother yet, I actually know in some bizarre way God's hand is in one of the reasons you've been great. Why do you think this isn't even any of my questions,

I just curious, I'm fascinated and I don't know the answer to it. Why do you think so many of us people that have achieved come from such weird, strange, horrific, anxiety riddled backgrounds? Do you have any theory on that? I feel like when you walk through trauma, or when you have a hard childhood,

or when you, it's one of two paths. It is. You know, you're either going to be a victim, and this is going to define you. Or this is going to be the leverage that you need to get to the place that you're going. I heard, you know, like the podcast queen. I love podcast. So I might actually, I said this to Louis yesterday. I'm like, dang, I don't know if it's, I might have heard this on your podcast. So forgive me from about to like repeat you to you, but I heard something recently that I was like, ah, hit me in the gut. Someone said, might have been you. Sometimes it's more powerful to have an anti-hero than to have a hero. I believe that. Yeah, and so for me it was, I didn't want to be that. I didn't want to be that

person and I knew that the only way out was by you know by my like I'm gonna make it happen Yeah, so I think that understanding of life is happening for you Sometimes it's startling to people because they're like wait, you know your brother's death was for you Your brother had was mentally ill for like all the no, but I believe it's possible to find meaning in what happens. That's right. I am the woman I am because I've what I walk through. And I love my parents so much. I think they did the best they could with what they have.

But if it wasn't for how much they struggle to parent us, I wouldn't be the woman I am today. I totally believe you on that. And by the way, I think success will be just kind of repurpose the messes of their lives and ways that other people don't. Well, they also want to say to some of you too, their listeners, because we're both examples of this. You clearly made that decision younger and sooner

than most people that you're going to go on that better path. But some of you listening to this have been down the wrong one for years. So you've used these events in your path to define you in a negative way or as an excuse or you use it as your current story even though it's your old story. The good news is is that the timing of when you choose the different path can happen at any point. So just because you didn't choose it when you were

19 or didn't choose it when you were 25, you may now choose it 55 the new path in your life and you can find the same happiness, bliss, and achievement we've found by choosing it younger. Yeah, yeah. Well, I would also say, oftentimes, when someone goes to something hard, they have this perception that it made them weak. And man, it made you a warrior. Like, yes, you have these scars. You have these scars on these battle wounds, but don't miss the point, don't miss the message, don't miss who you might be just because

the getting of these scars was hard. Gosh, that's why the dudes I told you, like she's talking to you just so you know too, because it's not the events of our life that define us, it's our meaning. And when you attach the meaning, just so you all know this, been reading a lot about this lately myself, it's, because we all know it's the meaning we attach to the event, it's our meaning. And when you attach the meaning, just so y'all know this, been reading a lot about this lately myself. It's, because we all know it's the meaning we attach to the event, but that meaning creates an emotion, and it literally that emotion changes your blood chemistry. And so it's so powerful to define the event correctly

so that it serves you. Just ask yourself, is the meaning you took from this, serving you, or do you need to find a new meaning that serves you better, that gives you a better emotion, because it's literally gonna change your blood chemistry in your body and your brain. That's how important this stuff is. So I love your message, and I like resonate with it,

because I picture this little girl. It's just interesting, because I'm a little bit older than you, but I picture the anxiety in my home too. And if you'd have gone back and put a camera behind our front door and seen some of those days where I was in such turmoil and stress as a little boy. And then you switched the camera and you went into your home and saw this precious little

girl going through what she was going through and said, hey, both of you are going to end up an ocean front in Laguna Beach someday teaching people how to live better lives and be happier. So God uses each of us in such beautiful ways that we can't even begin to imagine when we're going through these things. And He is using you. I mean, I just I just love how He's using you and I love that you embrace that. I also love I want to shift a little bit from the blog to now. But one of the things that I find also is your personal development addict and improvement addict. So am I and I think oftentimes people that are like you and I and like the people listening to this,

were that way because we come from such a faraway place. Like I had to learn the tools to build my confidence. I had to learn the tools to think better and more clearly because I came from so far away, so insecure, so shy, so introverted, such a low self-esteem that I had to learn these tools. So I think that's similar for you too. And I think what's powerful about your content is that as I understand it, you've got this

blog, which was kind of cooking and family and mom stuff, which is unbelievably powerful. And then you personally started to go on this personal development journey, and you kind of brought the audience with you to some extent. So speak to that, how did Rachel Hollis happen? It started with anxiety. I was about five years ago, I started having debilitating anxiety attacks. And I had a team of people who were counting on me at work and I could go to work and I could function, I could take care of my kids and I would get on me at work and I could go to work and I could function,

I could take care of my kids and I would get in bed at night and just freak out. And my husband had never experienced anything like it. He would say, babe, what's wrong? And I'm like, I don't know, but it's bad. And it got so bad that I felt like I was probably gonna have to be on medication. And I so support, if you need to be on meds,

take your meds, do what you need to do. But I had in my family and my extended family, a real history of abuse with that. And so it's almost petrifying to me, the idea of having to make that choice. So I was like, sister, you are either gonna get past this or you're gonna have to go that way. And so I started going to therapy and got to the bottom of why the anxiety was happening.

And for me, it all really came down to like really bad people pleaser, really bad people pleaser. So I had to identify my trigger. I had to understand that if I felt like someone was mad at me or if I felt like someone was disappointed in me, it would derail everything. And once I had that tool, I was able to start to navigate around it. And then it was the first time I my life that I was like, oh, you could, now I knew you could teach yourself business or but I would, oh, you could teach yourself how to think.

You could figure out the tools, and if I can get past this anxiety, what else could I? So then I just became gracious. I wanted to read every book, and I wanted to listen to every podcast, and as I started to talk about it, just like in the way that you would say, hey, I'm on the beach today, I would be like, hey guys, they're just left therapy. And women who followed me on social,

I'm like, why did you decide to go and how do you find a therapist? And what do you talk about? And is it hard? And does all the questions? And I realize, oh, there's something here. There's something here. Like other people are not, maybe we take for granted,

living in a lay. Yes. But if you're in Ohio, there aren't moms at soccer who are like, I just met with the therapist. So true. Wow, I never thought in LA. Yes. But if you're in Ohio, like, you know, there aren't moms at soccer who are like, I just met with the therapist. So true. I never thought about that. Yeah.

So, I just started to lean into that as they responded to it. And really, the success I've had in my career is, I've always just listened to what the community is asking me for. And so I went on this journey and I kind of took them along for the ride. And I went to, in this path, I went to UPW. Which I sound like, you know, so cheesy, but it changed my life. I think a lot of you think, well, this mess I've created in my life sort of disqualifies me from helping other people.

In fact, it's probably what qualifies you most to help other people. The fact that you're broke right now is what will qualify you to teach people how to not be that way someday. Broken or broke financially. But where you are unique that opened my mind, and I want to address this now, I want you to speak to it, is personal development for the most part has been dedicated to hardcore business people. People really trying to achieve building a big company or building the ultimate body or real wealth accumulation, which it should be. But there's this

whole other segment of the world that I've discovered since I've been in the space, particularly when it comes to women, I think people in general feel invisible in the world today. And I think that's true for men, but the more I get, I don't know why gets me emotional, the more I've been speaking to large crowds, I see these precious souls, these ladies that I see. And so many of them feel invisible in the world because maybe they're not trying to build a 400 million dollar company or maybe they don't look exactly like the world tells you you should look And they're not told enough that you're perfect as you are that you're beautiful that

You're perfect for this moment doesn't mean you don't want to change the step into the next moment You know that you can by the way be beautiful and perfect as you are right now and Not be the person that you need to be in the next moment, but for now you need to accept how beautiful and perfect you are now And you fill that space up. I think, better than anybody. And so talk about that. In my audience, there's some super achiever right now. Their spouse is riding with them in the car. And they're thinking this isn't really for me. But it is for them. So talk about that.

Well, so the work that I'm doing today really was from that first UPW experience. I had this great, great time and you know how much I love Tony and he's one of my heroes. But I remember sitting in the audience thinking, what does this look like for women? What does this look like for a stay at home mom? What does this look like for someone who isn't an entrepreneur?

Because they need this message. They need to know that they are called for something better. They need to know that they are in control of the way they think. They need to know that they're in control of their lives. And that really was what started me to kind of lean in was like, man, I'm looking around and I'm really not seeing anybody who would offer advice or say it the way I would say it. And I have been online with women for the last decade. I'm really not seeing anybody who would offer advice or say it the way I would say it.

And I have been online with women for the last decade. So I knew what they were struggling with and I knew because they sent me the questions, right? Yeah. So I was actually in Ethiopia with a friend of mine, a gin hot maker who's a big speaker and writer, like one of the biggest in this space. And we're on a bus in Ethiopia. And she says, like at the time I didn't know her very well, so she's just like a hero,

much like this. And she sits down next to me and I'm like, oh my gosh. And she says, hey sis, tell me about your next book. And I'm like, oh oh my gosh well so they're superheroes and that's I started in fiction. I don't. So I'm like there's and I start to describe and she's like oh my no no no no tell me the book of your heart. She says if you could say anything to women what would you say and I had never thought of this,

and I had never asked myself that question, but as soon as she said it, fell out of my mouth. You're in control of your own life. And I think, like she said, well, explain that to me. And I said, you know, it's just like all these women all around the world, sending me notes and emails and DMs, and they're saying, help me save my marriage. How do I get my son to stop using?

How do I stop abusing myself with food? Other asking. And what I wanna say, I can't say because it sounds mean, which is stop reaching out to a stranger on the internet and fix your own life. Take control. Because even that, even asking someone on Instagram, you're still putting the onus on someone else.

Yes. You have to take responsibility here. Yes. And so I start saying this time, I'm like, I'm like, you know what, it's like girl, like stop crying, girl, pick yourself up, girl, get off the ground and she says, girl, wash your face.

There it is. And I wrote the first chapter to the book on the flight home from Ethiopia. You did. Yeah. Okay, so that's the book by the way It's on the screen right now. It's all a screen, but it's girl wash your face and it's sold a bazillion copies already, but we're about to sell some more of it and you do I

Pulled some stuff. So I want to ask you about a couple things like your hard core like I Love what you've said because there's this hope, there are millions and millions of people who need to hear what you're saying. And the personal development space has been this little tiny segment of the world. There's this whole other place. And by the way, these are the people that are charged with raising the next generation of people. These are the people who are, because you mothers out there that are listening to this,

your beliefs, your identity is being transferred every day to your children. Your example, how you think, how you feel about yourself, right? In your role, which is the most important role in the world is to be a mother. And by the way, the ladies listen to this, almost now 70% of all new businesses are being started by women. And somewhere around 77% of all the successful business are being run by women. So this is really a real new time.

Totally. And you're leading this movement, but you don't pull any punches with these ladies. So you, along the lines with what you said, talk about this from it. In the quote, quote from the book, you and only you are ultimately responsible who you become and how happy are.

The reason I think that's important for women to hear is, I think oftentimes that's deferred to, well, if my children are doing well, I'm happy. Yes. If my husband's happy, I'm happy. happier. The reason I think that's important for women to hear is, I think oftentimes that's deferred to, well, if my children are doing well, I'm happy. Yes. If my husband's happy, I'm happy. Oh, yes. So can you speak to that person? Yes, okay, so I'm gonna go on a small rant for a second.

I have this belief that most women, all the women I know, most of the women I have ever met, were raised from the time they were little, that to be a good woman is to be good for other people. So if you're a good mom for your children, if you're a good wife for your husband, if you're a good sister, daughter, friend, then you're good. And the hard part about that is number one, your value is fully wrapped up in someone else's perception of you. Right? The other thing is, I don't know ever that anyone is deciding that you're a good mom because you're taking care of yourself.

No one's ever like, oh Sarah, look at Sarah training for a marathon. She's such a good mom. You know? So good boy, that's so true. And so there is this idea that you've got to show up for other people or you don't have value. And that's even crazier when you think about like,

what about the women who don't want to have children? What about the women who aren't married? So they have no value because they can't, it's crazy. That is crazy. It's also when you're a little girl, from the time you're little, it tends to be that you get recognition from your parents

when other adults recognize you as something. So they'll be like, oh, your daughter's so cute. Oh, your daughter's so sweet. She's so funny. So you learn, oh, other people's opinions really matter. And this is, usually, what are women just drowning in? Like, what is crushing women at other people's opinions? Bingo.

They live their life terrified of failure, terrified to try, terrified that they're getting it wrong, because their mother-in-law will disapprove or the girls that they went to high school with, they're gonna see me on Facebook and they're gonna watch me, it's crazy. It's crazy because those people that you're so terrified of their opinion of you,

those people are not the ones who will live with regret. Those people are not the ones who can't afford to take their kids on vacation. Those people are not the ones who will live with regret. Those people are not the ones who can't afford to take their kids on vacation. Those people are not the ones who are struggling for it. Like all these things that you want for your life, but you're too afraid to reach for because of what other people will think. Those other people are not going to be there when it sucks and it's hard for you. That's all on you. Wow.

So I did not get like so far it up about this survey. Wow. And I also believe like so most, most little boys, I know not get like so far it up about this and I also believe like so most most little boys I know not everybody but most little boys are taught this idea of like you have potential you're supposed to you're supposed to reach for that in potential or try and be a better version of yourself and frankly most women are with most little girls are taught you know to reach for men like Like, hey, get, find yourself a husband and then you'll be doing well. And this, I believe in my heart. Like, if you ever see those movies, of course you have. We're like, someone like, it's bit by a spider or they take a

pill or whatever and all of a sudden they have access to all of their mind instead of just a small percent. I feel like that's what's happening to women in the world. Controcentess is strange. Like if they just took, like even if the smallest percentage of women, even if just the women who are listening to this, took one single step in the direction of who God calls them to be, I think that the results would be atomic. My gosh, like what you just said that I, I not completely really thought about how a little girl is programmed to be that way and how a little boy is often programmed the difference

I have this philosophy to I don't know if you share this or not so what the women to hear this I think the symptom Often times is our addiction to other people's approval Mm-hmm. I feel like the disease sometimes is we don't have our own Yeah, we don't feel like God has our own and so we seek it outside of us now What you said that takes a little deeper for me is that this is programmed since I was little. Right, I didn't just become this way. It was sort of, I was told that my value

is if other people approve of me, right? So I think it's an internal game. I think the way you change that isn't just deciding. I don't care what other people think. I think that layer past that is, I need to begin to think better of myself. I need to begin to build myself confidence. I'm a big believer that self-confidence

comes from keeping promises that you make to yourself. That if you can start by just keeping the promises you make to you, you begin to build a reputation with yourself of, I can trust me, I like me, I'm good, I can achieve. How can that apply for a woman in any area? What would be some of your recommendations of how to change that? It's a hard question. Yeah, no, what is some of practical ways somebody can begin to change it? So I'll tell you for me, the big

realization was it all comes down to I want love, I want approval, I want notice, I want all of these things. And I was was drowning sort of the anxiety came from. I had this desire in my heart to be an entrepreneur and build something big and write books and do these things and our family, our extended family on both sides wanted me to be a stay at home mom. And they really, really struggled and were very vocal about the fact that I wasn't because that's what their lives look like. And so for me, I was just drowning in that feeling of, I think I'm called to do more.

So I will pursue this version of more, but I'll do it kind of in secret. I need it almost. I'll work really hard, but I won't ever talk about it. And it was, I was being pulled in too many directions. And when I finally, I had this realization like, oh, I'm going to choose to be so full of love, to love everybody else so well that I don't seek it out in other people.

Exactly. I'm gonna love you so hard, everybody. Even the people that disapprove of me. That I don't need your love because I've got enough for both of us. Very good. It sounds a little cheesy, but that really was what changed it for me. Was you don't have to keep chasing this thing. It was also the understanding that God made me this way.

Yes. And for the longest time I felt shame because I didn't want to be a... I'm like, I respect the crap out of say, oh, mom's it's a hardest job in the world. I know you do. But it's just not my thing. And so I had shame about that. Like massive shame about. Don't you think the reverse is also true?

There are some stay at home moms who feel shame that that's their kind of conversation. Either one of those should be shameful. A hundred percent. Yeah, so for me, it was, oh, if God put this desire on my heart. I mean he called me for this. Then I can't be wrong at my core. Of course. Like certainly you could, that could manifest in unhealthy ways. Sure. But maybe this is for a reason. Like maybe that, like I said this a little time on stage to women, like, man, maybe that, like you keep feeling that tug on your heart, that's there for a reason.

You got it. That's God. That's your potential. That's like trying to say to you, step into this. Like that is your heart, like begging your mind to like get out of the way. Like come on, man, we were called for something. So for me, that understanding was like,

you know, you were loved and worthy and enough. Like as you are, and that means you don't need to become someone else. That means like who you are at your core, you're doing okay. Yeah, that is so beautiful. It's amazing. You say, I just want to acknowledge a few things. Like I love that and no one's ever said that to me ever. And some of this stuff you say gets me, girl. So, you know, because I, over these years of seeing all these precious, beautiful women

in the crowd and then struggling with feeling guilt, like men don't have that, like men, wherever we want to change, we have no reason to feel guilty about. And men listening to this, let me say something to the men listening to this. Would you stop once to while and just start to tell your lady how amazing she is and how much you love her and how beautiful she is. I'm talking about your sisters, your mother, your wife, not just your wife, right? Tell the women in your life how spectacular they are.

Ignorance them a little bit more. They're always acknowledging us. Yes. So proud of you. You look so handsome. You're doing so well. Thank you for all you do. And we very rarely acknowledge our women.

Let's make sure we're doing that, man. But the other piece of it that struck me in what you said right there was, women, I think, oftentimes, never give themselves any quiet time. Whether they have kids or noise or their job, and like if you would just get quiet for you and I, it's prayer, for other people, it's meditation, for some people, it's just solitude. Like if you'll just get quiet for you and I it's prayer for other people it's meditation for some people it's just solitude.

Like if you'll get your head out of the way as you said I made a post about this today. People win with their heart not their head. You're going to be happy in life with your heart and the more your head begins to take over and commit you have your deficiencies what your setbacks are what you're not good at what your life is what people will think. The more your head takes over your life even though you got to be smart and execute and all that, the more your head takes over, it kills your heart and when your heart stops beating your dead. And so you could be living, but you're really dead. And so what you're really saying is get quiet, listen to your heart,

and don't be ashamed of it. I love it. So, okay, I mean, give you a couple more things you've said that this is kind of hard Our society makes plenty of room for complacency or laziness. We're rarely surrounded by accountability We're also rarely surrounded by sugar-fever nila lattes But when I really want one I somehow find a way to get one. What did you mean when you said that? You know the idea that if you want something it's like if you really want something, you'll find a way if you don't find an excuse. Yes, yes.

So. You gotta get resourceful. Yes, and I think there is this, I feel like the tide is shifting and I hope that this is true. But so often I feel like women, especially like, it feels like their life is living them. It feels like life is all just happening to them.

They're sort of getting pulled along with the tide. They're not making any choices. They're not taking control. It's the norm, right? It's normal to go, you're exhausted because you were dealing with the kids all day and then you're going to go watch Netflix all night and drink too much and numb yourself to what's going on and then wake up tomorrow and do the same thing again. And it, because they don't ever have that space, because they never take a step back and

look at their life from like 50,000 foot view, they don't even understand that they have control of how to change it. And you might not have the tools. I'm going to quote your podcast to you again. Or I think it was yours, but Joe D'Spenza said, in an age of this much free information, ignorance is a choice. So you might not know how to change things. You might not know how to get healthy, you might not know how to change your marriage,

but it all exists on the internet right now for free. So true, you didn't, gosh you're good. So like, no, but I want to. So true, like you didn't, oh, you're good. So like, no, but I want to say this to you, like you didn't know how to blog when you started blog. People say, man, how did you build this giant podcast on that? Let me tell you how this actually started. I went, you're the thing I'm crazy when I say, is my one of validate what you've said, okay?

I've never said this before either. People ask me, how did you get this big podcast? I said, I didn't even know what a podcast was. Yeah. And I googled how to start a podcast. Here's how stupid I am. I'm like, how does what I'm saying get into the machine? Yes. And how does that machine put it on the internet? Yeah. How do people get like, I was that basic. Yeah. And I googled how to start a podcast.

And there was a, the first search was Tim Ferris. His toolbox on a startup podcast. It's said, go to Amazon and buy this equipment. I bought the equipment and I started talking into the microphone, he told me to buy. I love it. And then, but he didn't tell me, how do I get it out of the machine onto the internet? Yes. So I, but I'm just resourcefully,

you just start taking the steps. Yes. Men, do me a favor. Ask your woman what she'd like. Yeah. Ask her, babe, what do you want? What would make you happy? Is there anything we should be doing together

or you should be doing to fulfill you more? Like just ask her. Cause they ask us all the time. Right, so I want to acknowledge that, but there's speaking of marriage. Yes. So when we first connect everybody. I forgot about this.

Okay, I get this email from her that says, before I say anything, I want you to know, I'm very happily married and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, well, it's just, I know maybe I don't need to say that, but I'm just gonna say this to you. Yeah. And I thought, no one's ever sent me that email before, and I thought, if I were your husband,

I'd feel so blessed that my wife cherishes our relationship to this extent. Dave's probably didn't even know you did that, but Dave, that's what she did. She first emailed me. What's made your marriage work? Are there anything you'd say that? You have a normal marriage like I do. It's not perfect every single day. But what has made your marriage work and why is it such a gigantic, obviously, it's a huge part of your life? Well, I would say in that exchange, it was the first time I was sending you a note and it wasn't just about

being respectful to Dave, it was also being respectful to your wife. And so it's just, you know, it's like weird. We had not met each other and I want to be like, I'm very normal. But, so I would say he is my best friend. He is my best friend and we met when I was 19 years old, and instantly we were buddies. And that has been the core of this relationship for 16 years. And I really think, I got a hard hand as a child, and I think God was like, you're gonna get the best man.

Like, I'm gonna give you the best partner. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. See that name? That's pretty good, man. Like I'm going to give you the best partner. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. See that name? That's pretty good. Yeah, that guy. But I think we have had fun. We laugh every single day. Tell what happy hour. Happy hour. This is a little tool, but I like that you guys have your own happy hour. We set out on the back patio and we look at it at Relive and Texas Hill Country Gorgeous Land and we set out with our drink and we have a, we just talk about the day or hang out

with each other, we do every single week, every week, we have a date night, it's like sacrosanct in our relationship and our kids know it, they just know, hey, mom and dad are going on a date this week. But I also think we reach every, like have had conversation what are the values that we have in our marriage and in our relationship Who do we want to be in the space? How do we want a parent and every single day we want to reach for that now? Certainly we don't always get there But we are in alignment on who we want to be and the steps that we're going to take to make that happen

We don't we don't want a good marriage even a great one. We want an exceptional marriage I also feel like I get a crap from people for this but that happen. We don't want a good marriage, even a great one. We want an exceptional marriage. I also feel like I get a crap from people for this, but my marriage is my most important relationship. That comes before my children. We have to be whole and solid for each other, or we can't show up for these babies. Also, those kids are going to work and launch these humans into the world and then we've got each other. So that's got to be healthy and strong because I've got a lot of years left with this man, God willing. So just it's the intentionality behind who we want to be and how we want to show up.

Yeah, I notice a lot of your writings and stuff and when you do stuff together, it's your intentionality. It's also your habits and rituals. Like these date nights, this happy hour stuff, right? We just don't do it in our marriages enough. By the way, you're really right about that too. Those of you that have young kids, you have to be really careful that the entire identity of your marriage isn't wrapped up in just conversations about your children, even though they're the center focal part of your life.

But there is going to be a point where they are going to leave and you're going to be face together. And you better have a loving dynamic and a relationship where you really have something of interest in each other too. So that's so huge. You also talk, and I hope you'll talk about this just for a mix. I'm just curious about it. You're like me.

We both let people know that we have faith, but we're not so, I don't know if I would say a pushy with it to the point where it would repel somebody But how important is your faith in your life? I am the woman that I am because of my faith I I don't I don't know how I would have survived the childhood that I walked out of or the years that came after if it wasn't for that relationship with God and It wasn't always good like my faith has been tested many times. There were a whole seasons of life where I was angry at God

where I didn't want to be in relationship. And I feel like, but that, I don't know, that presence has always just been a part of my life. And even when there's been anger, we're still talking. Even when I'm like, I'm mad at you, I feel like God's like that, I can take it. Let's go So it's it's been a massive part of it is a massive part of who I am I think it's really been interesting to navigate this space

Because in the book I do talk quite a bit about my faith and Then that brought in a wider audience who had a perception of what it meant to be a Christian. And then we're equally upset when I did something to step outside of that for them. So. Meaning why? Oh, I've been a post up a few weeks ago, and I honestly didn't even think anything of it.

Sitting on my back patio, having wine. And people lost their mind. So we're in big trouble right now. Oh, we have offended half of America. Okay. But the people were so upset, you know, you said you were a Christian and you're drinking and you're perpetuating and I was like,

first of all, whoa. Right. Secondly, for me, my, the tenant of my faith is love thy neighbor. Like that was our call to arms. They shall know your Christians by our love. I don't ever want, you're never gonna find it in my bio. You know, people are like, they put that in their Instagram.

You better know that I'm a Christian by the way I live my life. Not the words that I write somewhere. So if that's your definition of how someone is being Christlike or following the footsteps of Jesus, like me having one, we have a bigger problem. We got an issue. And it is a problem in this space because there's so much divisive, angry lines in the

sand. You have to be like this or you're not allowed in our club. And I'm just like, oh man, I love you all. I want everybody here. That goes back to what you said earlier, by the way, loving enough for both people, right? Like that's beautiful and me too. I'll get a love that.

I'm okay that you're drinking wine, just say I want a valid drink, because you can't. And you and I love people of all face, all different walks of life. Everybody's welcome here. Yeah, that's exactly right. That's why you and I are gonna change the world together. I also want you to know something, everybody,

that one of the reasons I do this show, and then I'm so important to me that you were here today, is I just don't, I think the world is more divided, more divisive, and more angry than it's ever been. And there needs to be a force for good in the world, and I think that force for good is real people. It's a grassroots movement. It's entrepreneurs. It's mothers.

It's fathers. It's good people say, hey, we love each other. We don't agree on everything, but we love each other. We're all put here. The foundation of our faith is that we're all brothers and sisters, right? And so we're here to help one another and that's what this is doing today You said something the antidote of that in Girl wash your face, which if you've not gotten this book men and women both go get this book. It's It's it I probably never read a book so quickly

One thing about the book that's really interesting I wanted to tell you too is that usually when I have a book I highlight the parts that I like and this book was so good that I probably should have highlighted the parts that weren't meaningful to me because there's so much just highlighter all over the book. It's really true. It's like every page. I'm just like Thank you. One thing you say and there she say and this is true for all of us. We need to drop the she's a comparison is the death of joy and the only person you need to be better than is the one you were yesterday.

So speak to that just for a second. Well this is a massive, I don't know if men experience this with this massive problem with women, is they are constantly comparing themselves to her life, to her Instagram feed, to her kids, to her marriage. They're comparing their real life to someone else's highlight reel. And so they are forever coming up lacking. They forever feel like they're not enough. And I get it because the times that you tend to compare yourself are when you are most insecure about something. So you're like, well I'm

not sure how to do this. I'll look outside myself to find the answer. I always talk about when I was a new mom, that that was when I was most insecure, and so I would look at Pinterest, I would look at magazines, I would try and see like how does celebrity moms do it, and then I would just cry in a puddle on the ground, because I couldn't get it together, like oh, she's got six pack abs with a two-month-old baby, and I'm still in the jeans that I was wearing, you know, at nine months. So comparison is the death of joy. And not only does it kill your joy,

it kills your motivation, it kills your energy, your desire to move forward, it makes you more insecure. And so I'm like, put your head down. It's like a math test in eighth grade. Keep your eyes on your own paper. Like focus here. Stop looking at what everyone else is doing. Stop paying attention to keep your eyes on your own paper. Like focus here. Stop looking at what everyone else is doing. Stop paying attention to her life and live your own. Yes. You have like start in this space. The the the only person you

have to be better than is who you were yesterday. So good. That is my that's my why. That's my that is what I am on earth. Like what is my greatest value in the world is I wanna be a better version of myself every day. Like I might not always get there, but every day I'm striving, I wanna be a better mom and wife and leader and teacher and writer and everything. It's like man, whatever you're doing, do is unto the Lord.

Like every day I'm trying to be better. And so like it doesn't matter if I'm not as great as 50 million other people as long as, like, am I better than I was yesterday? Yeah. What code's an advice? You're special. Like, this, you're special.

What you're doing is special. And so good. Along those lines, you're gonna ask you some things people wouldn't ask you. Yeah. Life's changed for you're going to ask you some things people wouldn't ask you. Yeah. Life's changed for you, right? And I think anytime, people listen to this, maybe you step to a new level or a new space. Yeah. Do you have anything you talked about anxiety earlier? I know the answer, this but I don't want you answer for them. But do you still find yourself with anxiety about the next level, the next space? Oh yeah. Also, there's some pressure, I think sometimes,

I've stepped out, I don't wanna fall either. So, speak to that, for those, there's different people's at different levels, but there are people who are like, I've got to a new level, I've got to a new promotion, or I had started a business. There's something new, and then that, extra, I think anxiety can hit. Are you experiencing any of that,

and what are you dealing with the solution? Well, I'll tell, this is such an incredible story, and a brag on who you are in your heart. But after the book surpassed everything. And I, for months after it came out, really struggled. It was very overwhelming for me. And I, if you can't tell, I'm a fixer.

And I don't like to live in a state of any kind of suffering. So for months, I'm struggling and I can't get past it. And I write every book and I'm listening to pot. And I'm trying everything and I can't. And it was something you said on your podcast one day that really resonated with me. And it was like, it was the answer to prayer. After months of searching, you said something like, like with professional athletes, you had

coached that there comes a time in their lives and careers where the success surpasses the vision that they had for themselves. And they will unintentionally start to self-sabotage because they're so uncomfortable with where they are and that was me. And I was like holy crap. And it was as simple as you were like dream a bigger vision. Yeah, that's right. You need a bigger vision.

So that was such a gift. Yeah. But navigating this has been has been a lot. Yeah. And it does feel like holy smokes. This is a lot of responsibility. And I do, now I have worked my butt off to get here. Yes, but I also believe God gave me this platform both And so that is a massive responsibility and I want to do that well. Yes, so yeah

It's it's a lot to it's a lot to navigate and I want to acknowledge that you're the right person and you were chosen to do this and You are special like your whole existence has prepared you for this moment. Like I really believe that about you and one of the other things I've told you is that I also want to help you. Like I I also think the other thing when you step into that new space is to dream that bigger vision and also to seek out and surround yourself with people who are going to support you and believe in you and push you and hold you accountable and don't be afraid to ask for their help. People like me, people like you, at the right time, we want to be there for you.

I want to help you create this change. Because you're pioneering, you're trailblazing. Like, in five years and in ten years, there are going to be other, they're not going to be another you, but they're going to be other women in this space creating a movement, making a difference, but you're really doing it right now, right? I'm so proud of you. And people today are seeing why. Like you're just a reservoir of real myths, but also like real depth, real information, this content, you don't hear other places. And so I'm curious for you, a couple more things. I've been enjoying this so so much like I just want to extend it a little

I just say you know, but like what is next for you? What's the next thing because she's just so you know guys like sought after Crazy good woman on the stage when she speaks like Go trust me go see her speak go look at clip like crazy good on the stage. Obviously you've got this gift for writing that's been not just a gift, but it's something that you've worked on. But what is the next level, the next space for you? Well so the next book, think, think God how it worked out was I sold the next book before this one came out. Praise the Lord.

Because if I had had this kind of success, I don't know if I would have written again. Because even now people are like, well, you know, you're never, and I'm like, again, I go back to my why. My why is I want to be a better version of myself every day. And my mission, the reason I feel like I'm on this planet, is I want to give other people tools to do the same. So then if this book comes out in March, I'm going to give, is I want to give other people tools to do the same. So then, if this book comes out in March,

it's called Girl Stop Apologizing. So stop apologizing for who you are, stop feeling shame about what you're called to do. It's about how do you achieve a goal? Like I break it down, it's the most tactical, tangible advice I've ever offered. And if 10 people, 10 people, if one person, if it resonates with one person, then I lived out my mission.

It's probably more like 10 million, but that's great that it will at least get to. It's probably good. But yeah, so the next book comes out in March, and then conferences are my passion. Because my life was changed to a conference, my marriage was changed to a conference. There's something that happens when you are immersed. Yes, I agree. For a certain amount of days, when you sort of pull yourself outside of your life and you get to see a different perspective.

You change your environment. Yes. It's a big thing. And it's like, it doesn't have to be mine. It has to be ads. But like, if you are listening to this right now, you gotta go. I'm gonna talk to the camera. You gotta go to a personal growth conference.

You gotta find a teacher that resonates with you and that sparks something in you to think in a different way. So it's our big passion and we're doing a bunch of events in 2019. How do they find the events and how do they find you on social? Because I want them to be able to, obviously you need to go go get girl, wash your face,

you're going to get obviously every book she writes you're going forward. But how do they find your event and how do they find your own. So all of our events are events are called rise. So all of our events are at Let'sRise.co. We're on Instagram at Let'sRise.co. And I am Miss Rachel Hollis. Instagram is my favorite platform to hang out with. You know who one of our speakers is, the next rise is Nick.

Oh gosh, he's so unbelievable. I found him on your podcast and on the podcast like 10 times, and it was like, if you have an event you've got to book this guy down, I was like, I got to book this guy down. I love him. He spoke before me at the event. I was just telling you about this week and I was so proud of him. I watched him speak and I was going to tell you he stepped into his own. He's at a whole new level.

And so I'm so glad you both came together. That's almost me feel warm inside that's great. No, that's all you connector that you are I love it. Okay, a couple more things. Yeah, because the sun's setting on you. Yeah, I bet my I bet this hair color looks great though You are you shine you shine it You got a hair done today. I did so so I Am a woman now. I know I have a deep voice for all of them. But I get a chance to have two minutes with you. And I said, girl, I said, I just want to be happier and I want to, I want to find what my purpose is. My passion is, how do I, how do I do that? What would be the steps you tell me to take to do that? So the, the people that I most often hear this from are moms. And so often what I hear is I've lost myself. I've lost myself. I'm, I'm taking care of these babies or I'm, I'm taking care of my partner. I don't know who I am anymore. And the question I always ask is, who were you before you belong to them?

Who were you before you were their mom? Who were you before you were his partner? Who were you? What did you love? And one of the things, this is true for men and women, is that I believe most of us, regardless of our childhood, most of us had something in our childhood that we were passionate about,

that made us excited that we loved. It gave us something to look forward to. And then somewhere along the way, we got it in our heads that if we couldn't attach monetary value to it, that it had no value. And so, I'm like, you know, people, I'm like, who, what were you into? What did you love?

And they're like, well, it's dumb. I'm like, what was it? They're like, I loved choir. I'm like, you know, people, I'm like, who, what were you into? What did you love? And they're like, well, it's dumb. I'm like, what was it? They're like, I loved choir. I'm like, go join a choir. Or like, I loved theater. I'm like, go join a theater. Go, just because you can't make money on it, doesn't mean it doesn't have value.

Your passions, your dreams, your goals are valuable because they matter to you. And it doesn't matter if they make sense to anybody else, it doesn't matter if your husband doesn't get it, or your mom doesn't get it, or your friends think, it's what lights your heart on fire. You are a being. Like, you are a soul that deserves to have, to have a spark, to have something,

to have time for yourself, to have self-care, to go to dinner with your friends, to read a book, just, we lose this, like, we devote ourselves to other people and we lose the idea that we are a person whose feelings mattered. So who were you before you were this person? Start there.

Oh my gosh. See, it was crazy about your advice is that should be to a man. Yeah, yeah. It should be to a man. And I just feel like I want to stop there, but I don't want to stop the conversation. I want the conversation with you and I to continue.

And so I want you all to know something. Rachel and I are talking about doing some things together that I think you'll see us doing down the road. I want you following her on social media. I want you going to her conferences. I want you reading your books. I just want to acknowledge something about you. Like I think you're a blessing.

Like today for me was a blessing. I knew something was really great going to happen based on seeing your content, but then like meeting you and going, I just love this woman. And I mean that Dave, you know, it was beautiful way. I'll say you're a tonic, brotherly way. I'll say it in a row.

I'll send you my version of the emails. But like, I love you. I just think you're amazing. And I just feel like I love meeting people regardless of what they do who I feel like are really running in the lane on their path. Like they're chasing their real purpose. They're on track. The road's going to be, we have all kinds of turns for you. And everybody listening to this that are going to be unexpected and all part of happening for you. But I feel like I'm sitting with somebody who's become a rock star, but I'm actually, if you were a stock, I'd be a buy.

I just feel like I'm just watching this star take off because you're going to help so many people, because so many people need your message. And the most important thing for me, because I'm a male listening to this, is men, you better listen to this, because these are the things the women in your life, the daughters in your life, your mother in your life are struggling with, they're thinking about, they need help with. And the women in our lives help us so much, let's help them too, right?

They don't need us. But we need to be helping them because it's part of our calling as well. So you help me today. No, well, I wanna acknowledge you in this way because I feel like I am a fan. Like, you know this, I was such a fan and I feel like I have this unique opportunity right now with so many people who are watching or listening that

they don't get to sit with you and say this. Like so much of what I know is because you taught it to me. Thank you. You've been my mentor for a long time before you knew who I was. Thank you. And so I just want to acknowledge the work that you're doing here, the work that these men are doing here and the wisdom and the insight that you bring to people every single week and how much like there are times I'm having a hard week and I literally go look at your Instagram. I'm like, I'm going to find a video from Ed. Thank you.

He's going to say something right now that's going to fire me up. Thank you. So I know that you know it, but I just want to acknowledge you that. Thank you. I love that. It matters so much what you're doing, and I'm so appreciative of it. I sense that, and I appreciate that, and I'm always a text or a phone call away for you to do as you know.

Yeah, yeah. So thank you for today. Oh my gosh, thank you. Like, it flew by. And I've never done an interview like this before. This is unique, and it's different, and the conversation was different, and your answers were different, and they were correct, and right on, and helped me. To be honest with you, I'm thinking about Bella, because answers were different and they were correct and right on and helped me to be

honest with you. I'm thinking about Bella. Yeah. We were talking and thinking about my little girl and there's just some things you said today. I can do a better job with her and supporting her and I have a deeper understanding of maybe some of the things she's thinking and going through. Yeah. And I didn't get I got that from the book but I got more of it even today. So thanks so much. Like honestly guys, I hope those of you that listen to this today, I know what you're all thinking, you're like, how do I get more? And so I want you following her, you've got where to find her,

and then obviously you know with me where to find me or you wouldn't be listening to this. I just wanna remind you all, if you enjoyed today, tell people about it, spread the word, share it with people because I want more people to know Rachel, I want her message, I want them to know who she is and what she stands for. Most importantly, I want people in the world to know that people like Rachel exist and that they can find her. And so you found me subscribed to the podcast. You haven't done it. If you're listening to it,

subscribe to the YouTube channel. If you're watching every day on Instagram. I do the two-minute drill. Two-minute drill. You've been one yet. By the way, Dave won once. Her husband won once. But I didn't. Not on purpose, but we did. It was a weird deal. But we have a two-minute drill on Instagram every day. If you make a post, if you make a comment to my post in the main feed, the first two minutes of the hashtag max out cool stuff happens because we pick a winner every day.

If you do in the first two minutes, you can win gear, my book, sometimes the coaching call with me, I might tweak someone like Rachel. I'll do it. She'll do one. So you get a sometimes the coaching call with me. I might tweak someone like Rachel She'll do one so you get a 15 minute call with Rachel And then if you miss the first two minutes as long as you just make one every day We pick someone who makes one every day at any time so thank you for that Yeah, 15 minutes of Rachel now you know you're gonna comment so please do that and continue to max out your lives And God bless you and thank you Rachel so much Awesome max out everybody

out your lives and God bless you and thank you Rachel so much for this. Oh my gosh, this is the best. It was awesome. Max out everybody.