THE ED MYLETT SHOW - Stop Killing Your Dreams

Episode Date: March 11, 2019

STOP letting this 1 thing KILL YOUR DREAMS! Is everybody really hating on you? It's easy to just say everybody is a hater. Some people are actually concerned. Some people are giving you feedback and you have to learn how to distinguish between who is a hater and who is not! This episode will teach you EXACTLY how to separate the haters! Most people confuse concern with hate and end up removing people from their lives that truly care about them and keeping toxic people around for far too long! But just because someone loves and cares about you does NOT mean they are giving you sound or good advice! People with the best intentions can STILL be blocking you from reaching your dreams. It’s time to find clarity! I'm giving you 5 practical steps on how you can identify the haters and the fakers from the people who truly care for you, how to know what advice to take and what advice to ignore, what to do with people who have good intentions but terrible advice, AND how to stop ANYONE from stealing your dreams! You also need to stop YOU from holding yourself back from your dreams! It’s not the haters. It’s not the criticism. It’s not the naysayers. It’s much more simple than that! In this episode, I’m revealing the #1 thing your haters don’t want you to know how to overcome the #1 thing killing your dreams!

This is The Edmila Show. Welcome back to Max Out Everybody. Today I want to discuss a topic with you that is one of the most prevalent topics discussed in all of social media, all of life strategy and personal development. And it's this concept of haters. We've all heard about this. What do I do with my haters? How do you respond to haters?

How do I overcome that? They're stealing my dream, right? And so, and there's all this advice out there. Drown out the haters. Don't listen to the hate. Don't let them take your dreams away. And that is certainly important. And when someone fits that category, you need to eliminate them from your life and discard the information that they give you. But here's the truth. It's getting a little bit overcooked out there. The fact of the matter is, not everybody who is giving you feedback is necessarily a hater or necessarily antagonistic to you. See, sometimes they're just giving

you feedback. Sometimes they're just concerned. And other times it's just criticism. You need to learn to distinguish between criticism, concern, and feedback. And they are three completely different things. It's very easy, isn't it, to just sluff off when someone's giving us feedback or are concerned about us. Ah, they're a hater. You're just hating on me. You've probably even had somebody say that to you who you've been concerned with or concerned for

or that you're giving feedback to. How do we ever get better if we don't listen to feedback from people? How do we ever get better if we don't listen to their concerns? How do we get better if we don't listen to criticism? Criticism is not necessarily a negative thing. And how you respond to criticism, we're going to talk about in a minute, may literally be the determining factor in that whether or not you become successful or to the extent that you do. So I'll be the first person to tell you there are haters out there, but I'm also gonna really be the first person to tell you

that not everybody who's giving you correction is a hater, and it's far too easy and rather weak to just slough them off as a hater. We've built into this culture today, haven't we? Let's be real. That anyone who tells us something we don't feel good about hearing because it's painful to hear, they're a hater, don't listen to them.

And that may be the number one impediment to you growing, or the people around you growing, is that nobody listens to feedback anymore. Nobody wants to hear things that are uncomfortable about themselves, about their behavior, about their conduct, about their business. So the thing you have to ask yourself is, this person antagonistic to me, that's the first filter their feedback must come through. There are many people in your life who are not antagonistic

towards you or to your success. In fact, they'd love to see you succeed, but they're observing things that they're concerned about. For example, when I started out in my business career, I remember my parents being very concerned for me, that I was making a bad choice, right? That I wasn't using my college degree that I'd work so hard to get. They weren't haters, my parents weren't haters, they were concerned.

I was best than I did, respond to their concerns as best I could, but I didn't sloughed it off, I listened to it, and then I put it in the category it belonged to him. I've also have people daily giving me feedback on how I can do something better, where my performance didn't measure up, or at different tactic or direction or strategy or approach they think I ought to take. These people are not haters of mine. They're trying to help me get better. In your life, you have to distinguish between these people because many of us today, they're trying to help me get better. And in your life, you have to distinguish between these people

because many of us today, we're just sloughing it all off into the hater category. And then you know what, there are people who are giving me criticism, constructive criticism. Hey, man, wake up, you keep going down this path, you keep making that choice, you keep repeating this mistake, you're going to a path to nowhere. And so, distinguish between haters who are,

and here's how you know, they are antagonistic, they are rooting against you. Your success and your progress is a threat to them because they're not growing, they're not succeeding and they're being average. That's an antagonistic person, that's a hater. And so, you need to be able to make this decision. When in doubt, they're not one, by the way. But there are going to be people, lots of people, that your growth, your change, the transformation you're going through threatens them. It threatens their very existence.

They think you may leave them. They think you're gonna outgrow them. It exposes their lack of growth, their lack of progress. You need to understand who they are, you need to react accordingly. You don't listen to them, and in some cases they need to be removed from your life. And if they're lack of progress. You need to understand who they are, you need to react accordingly. You don't listen to them, and in some cases they need to be removed from your life. And if they're not removed from your life,

the emotions attach to what they think, feel and say are removed. And you don't listen to anything they have to say. Those are haters. But then there are people who are giving you criticism. And the people that I know in my life that are the most successful want criticism. They want feedback, and they appreciate some concern.

And so ask yourself, was this person giving me criticism? And if they did, how did you respond to it? Did you make the course correction? Did you repeat the mistake again? Is this something that if you don't improve it, it's going to hold you back from your success? And do they have your best interest in mind? The second part is someone's concern for you. Maybe they love you. Maybe it's just that they love you when they're concerned, right? And we're going to talk about this in a minute. Love them back. Continue progress. Continue go towards your dream. But don't categorize them as haters. Don't become antagonistic towards them when they're

not towards you. This starts to happen. We start to have these are relationships in our life because of this hate or culture. We all believe everyone's a hater. We start to have these are relationships in our life because of this hater culture. We all believe everyone's a hater. We start to have people who love us who are just concerned for us. We begin to move them out of our life because we can't distinguish or you don't distinguish between the fact that they love you and they're concerned or they're hating on you. There's a big difference between those. And so maybe it's just they're worried for you. And maybe they're wrong and you can love them as they're wrong, but treating them as a haters is completely different

than loving them back and moving on anyway. And then there's those that give you feedback. And feedback is, hey, here's what I notice. Be careful about this. This is an observation of mine. Maybe you want to go this direction. Here's someone you ought to meet. Here's a decision you better be avoiding.

Here's a mistake I've made myself. Don't make the same one. And that's feedback. So, distinguish between those three places. And the way we do it is their intentions. Now, sometimes in our lives, we don't know. These haters out there, they exist. Believe me.

I have them all over the place. I've had them all my life. Some of the haters in your life are the best at trying to pretend to be concerned, aren't they? I'm so concerned for you as they're really rooting against you. They're pretending to give you criticism as they tear you down. They're pretending to give you feedback only to lead you in the wrong direction so you lose.

And so yes, it's a difficult line to tell because haters, the real haters know how to pose as critics. They know how to pose as concerned. They know how to pose is giving you feedback. And so it's your ability to distinguish between these two people that's going to have everything to do with whether you succeed, keeping the haters in your life around you and letting their feedback and criticism and their insults and their fake concern for you, affect you in a negative way, could steal your dream, and they are dream

Steelers every single time. Having said that, what might also kill your dream is you not embracing the people who are concerned that love you and loving them back and getting the wrong people leaving your life or wrong people at a distance and not having the people around you who love you still close to you, because we're going to talk about them in and how to win anyway. And if you're not listening to criticism and responding to it, you can never adjust. And if you're not being open to feedback, you can't improve. And so this is a very important thing nobody talks about.

So let's get to the root here. We know the difference is whether they're intentionally antagonistic to us. Who should I listen to them? Who should I take feedback from? Who's criticism is worthy of adjusting to? And here's how I've always measured it. More dreams are stolen by haters, critics, concerned people, and also people who give us feedback anywhere in the world. In other words, even though the person is giving you feedback has positive intentions, they could still steal your dream. See, what I do is I wrap them all up in this category of dream Steelers.

They all can steal our dream. See your parents who are concerned for you may not be haters, but they can still steal your dream. Because you may be doing it just with them. Your spouse may not be a hater, but they can still steal the dream. Your friends who are concerned for you or give you feedback, they may not be haters, but guess what, they can still steal your dream. So let me give you some counsel that's helped me in my life.

Who do I listen to? My rule is always this. I listen to somebody who's successful in the area they're giving me counsel in only. In other words, you may have a loving mother or father who are unbelievable at being parents or at raising children, but never became successful in business. I would submit to you that you should be taking advice and counsel from those people on parenting and raising a family, but not in business. Furthermore, you could have somebody that's a great business mentor of yours.

You can give you great feedback great counsel in business But I wouldn't take their advice in parenting if they've been divorced three times See the mistake that people make is they don't distinguish between who the haters are and the others are and then the bigger mistake is I see people every day who have their business dream stolen because they took the counsel, the feedback, the criticism and the concern, maybe not a hater, but if someone who's never been successful in business before. So you're gonna let someone steal your business dream who never built a business dream of their own. This happens every single day.

If someone's not successful in business, why in the world would you ever let their hating, their criticism, their feedback or their concern impact you in any way? They don't belong in that category. That doesn't mean they're not a valuable person. If you go back to the people that love you, they may not be haters. They may not be rooting against you, although some of them are, but the ones that aren't

be very careful of taking their advice in an area they're not successful. Furthermore, if you wanted to get in great shape and you were trying to go on this new nutrition plan, a new diet plan, why in the world would you take advice from somebody who tells you, ah, this doesn't work, I read keto doesn't work, I read you can't do traditional weightlifting, you got to do aerobic exercise. You start taking advice from somebody who's not even in great shape, who's not even fit and they steal your fitness dream. This is true in every single area.

Take counsel from people who are successful in the area you're trying to be successful in. You have to compartmentalize success. Is it not true that you know people that are in incredible shape, but are a mess financially? Why would you listen to your trainer if they're broke about how to get rich financially? Why would you listen to the financial person about how to get in great shape unless they're also in great shape? Why would you take counsel from fools and areas where they're fools? So too often I think what we're doing is we're trying to decide whether someone's intentions

are good or bad and we don't take the veil off, is just whether or not they're successful. You don't want you to find out. If you meet a mega successful entrepreneur, and you approach them with about a goal and a dream you have, more likely than not, they're gonna tell you to go for it. Entrepreneurs are some of the most optimistic

because they've been successful somewhere, they believe you can be as well. If you ever meet somebody who's really fit, and you ask them, can I get strong? Can I get fit? Can I get healthy? Nine times that it's in that fit and healthy person. It's going to be the number one person to say, yes, you can, to encourage you to do it. The biggest thing I always look at is, when I'm getting feedback, criticism, concern, or

hate from somebody, how are they doing in that area? What you find out most of the time is that if they're not winning in that area, their feedback means nothing. Their concern shouldn't impact you, and their criticism is invalid. Now, if they're super successful in that area, maybe you want to be more open to their criticism.

Maybe you want to listen to their feedback, and maybe their concern is valid. Then again, maybe they're hating on you, but probably not. The fact of the matter is most people that win don't have any reason to hate on what you're doing because winners want to see more people win. Winners want to see more people prosper. And so be very careful about what you think is a hater and who you think is it, but more importantly, don't take counsel from fools.

I'm not saying the person is foolish in every area importantly, don't take counsel from fools. I'm not saying the person is foolish in every area, they're just foolish in that area. Don't listen to them in that aspect of your life. And so why this matters so much is because it's where we expense our energy, right? Like for me, I want good feedback. I'd like some criticism and I appreciate concern,

but I don't expend a lot of energy worrying about it. So many people expend so much energy on the emotion of what other people think about them. In fact, the number one thing probably killing your dream isn't your hater, isn't the feedback, isn't the criticism, right? Isn't the concern. It's the energy you expense and expand by worrying so much. It's your addiction to other people's approval

that will ultimately kill your dream. You're addicted to what other people think about you. And the issue is this, that's actually the symptom. The symptom is, I'm so addicted to what other people think about me. The disease is lack of self-confidence of ourselves, lack of identity, which is why I've spent so much time in the previous audios and videos

trying to build up your identity, build up your self-confidence. So this addiction to what other people think about you is eliminated or reduced in your life. The fact of the matter is this, what other people think about you is none of your business. It's none of your business. And here's the truth, you wanna know the truth?

They're not thinking about you. They're thinking about what you're thinking about them. They're doing the same thing you do. And let me tell you something about these haters. What most people do is they project onto other people the things they dislike about themselves the most. So they acknowledge it. If you remember in a previous video, an audio, I said to you, if you're having a hard

time discovering what your giftedness and purpose is, look at somebody you admire, your hero, and what are the three or four things about them that you admire the most? Because you see in them the giftedness that you see in yourself. So if your hero is Dr. Martin Luther King and it was how much his concern was for other people or his vision and his dream or his ability to articulate or to bring people together or to not see color. Whatever that thing is that you see in him, I can tell you that the reason that you admire it, the reason that he was your hero is because you see some of those similar gifts in you that you can apply in a different place.

And so we see in our heroes the things that are our true giftedness. We criticize in others what are the things we hate about ourselves the most. And so most of the time when someone is hating on you, they are projecting on you. Oh, she thinks she's so incredible. She just wants people to like her. He's all about the money. He just wants people to like him. All he does is work.

Whatever it is, they're projecting on to you. The weaknesses and negative things they see in themselves. Either they don't work hard, so they criticize you for working hard, or they also would love other people's attention and success, but they can't get it, so they criticize you for it. Remember, most of the criticism you receive from people is them projecting onto you, that which they don't like about themselves. And so when you know this, that most people aren't thinking about you, they're thinking about them. And even when they're talking about you,

they're thinking about them. The words out of their mouth, they're about you, but what they're really thinking about is them. The more you begin to understand this, you really stop spending so much energy on worrying about what other people think about you. The more you love yourself, the more you believe in yourself, the more you focus on your own intention, the more you build up your own identity, the less you have concern with getting that acknowledgement and recognition from other people. In other words, your own acknowledgement, your own character, your own belief in yourself supersedes what anyone else could ever say about you.

It is a sad existence on earth and will eventually lead, in my opinion, to an unfulfilling life, if everything is about what other people think about you. I had a specific audio and video where I suggested to you that you are not your possessions, you are not your achievements, you are not what you look like, and you are not what other people say you are.

When you can begin to own that, you start to piece together all of the trainings I've put together for you, from self-confidence, a transferring energy to eliminating self-doubt, to vision, all the things we've been covering here. And when you begin to piece all of this together, you begin to have the picture of how to deal with haters. You must distinguish between who is and isn't one. You must only take counsel and feedback from people that are successful in that specific

sector of their lives. You have to know when someone's hating on you, they're really hating on them. That is a fact. I can promise you. I can promise you when you're hearing someone gossip about other people, they're typically projecting onto them and talking about things about themselves that they hate, that they despise, that they wish they could improve. But rather than the courage to improve their own life, they'd rather just tear down and criticize

others. There's this great saying that says, you don't build the tallest building in town by tearing down everybody else's. You build it by building the tallest building. So what are a couple of final tips you could use to help you deal with haters, or at least respond favorably to improve from criticism feedback and concern. First thing is this, is this person antagonistic to my success? Are they antagonistic toward me?

Are they rooting against me? You have to ask yourself that. If they're rooting against you and they really just want to see you lose, they're pretending to be concerned, they're posing as a critic, they're posing as giving you feedback. And this is something that you just completely eliminate from your life. This is someone who should not be in your space. They should not be in your life. They should at least not be in your proximity.

That's number one. Number two, you have to be self-aware. Do a self-audit to ask yourself this piece of information, this feedback, this criticism, this concern. If I implemented it, it made this adjustment when I get closer to my outcome. When I get closer to my goal? Does it serve me to do so? The third thing is, can you compound the effect of what they've given you? In other words, I believe in this concept I call compound pounding. Compounding, what it means is we underestimate the relentless pursuit of something

over and over again, and its impact on us. So for example, there's these great rock outclaves that happen right here in the ocean. And that is from the ocean just compound pounding on those rocks. They formed a whole new structure. They've broken the rock down over time, the wave after wave pounding and pounding and pounding against the rock, compounding its effect over time. Most people never measure or calibrate the power of compound pounding in their life. In other words, letting their efforts multiply, letting their efforts compound.

If I took this feedback, if I took this criticism, if I took this information, and I decide that yes, if I applied it, I could improve. It's measuring and having some belief that there's this compound effort over time, that this little course correction over time directs us in a completely different place eventually in our life. Most people don't give themselves credit for compound pounding, which leads to point four. It's lack of vision in people's lives.

Most people, when they're getting feedback, they're not obsessed enough with the long-term vision of where they're going. They don't stay focused on that clear picture of where they're going, and they let this side noise, the side feedback, this side criticism, distract them from where they're going. You can never let go of the big picture. Most people, by the way, lack vision. And they will lose because of this lack of vision. And it's not what you would think. It's not the lack of vision

where they don't see the place they want to go. Let me tell you what it is for most people. You ready? They have a depth perception issue. They kind of know what they'd like. They'd like the big picture, but they constantly think they're further away than they are. They think it's much further away to get to this place. They've overestimated how long it will take to get there and so they act like it. It's kind of like this. If we had a race, and I think the race is 60 yards

and you think it's 60 miles, is there a different pace we both start out the race running? If I think it's 60 yards, I'm often, I'm going because the finish line is that close. So I behave in such a way as it's the finish line is that close. If you think it's 60 miles away, your pace is different, your cadence is different, your ability to be distracted, your inability to stay focused better said on the finish line happens because you have this depth perception issue. Everything is often the future to you. Everything is so far away.

People that win shrink it. We've talked about shrinking timeframes in previous trainings, right? Three many days, right? Getting 21 days a week. I'm talking about something slightly different here. It's shrinking how close you believe you are. Let me say something to you that none of your haters will ever want you to know. You are much closer to your dream than you think you are. Let me say something to you that none of your haters will ever want you to know.

You are much closer to your dream than you think you are. It could happen much sooner and much bigger than you think. And it is your ability to begin to believe and get real clarity of perception, of time. It is much closer than you think it is. And it's your ability to begin to bring, not only get clear about what it is, but bring it closer. Believe it's going to happen sooner that will get you to act faster and be less distracted by the feedback or the weather that happens while you're on this run.

A 60 yard sprinter? Boom, they're gone. They don't need to worry about conditions. What's going to happen around them? Who thinks what? Crowd noise? You know, the path. Any of about conditions. What's going to happen around them? Who thinks what? Crowd noise? You know, the path, any of that stuff, it's now. The marathon runner, their pace is slower.

There's feedback. They're looking around. They're listening. They're watching. They got to stop for water breaks, don't they? They're dependent upon getting the water. They're dependent on the towel break. They're dependent on all this other stuff.

Because they think it's such a long race, that's how they behave. Whereas the sprinter goes now. So it's your lack of depth perception. It's your lack of understanding of how close it is that allows the noise, the criticism, the feedback to impact you negatively. And the last point is this, you need to accept the suffering. You need to embrace the suffering. Here's the truth. There's two types the suffering. Here's the truth. There's two types of suffering that's going to happen as you chase your dream. There's either the real suffering,

which is the going through the hardships, taking the rejection, making the phone call and having somebody not show up. If you're on a fitness journey, it's the real suffering of eating cleaner. It's the real suffering of hitting the gym when you're tired and sore. If you're in entrepreneurs,

the real suffering of the false start and then the setback. The false start and then the setback. It's embracing the suffering. See, once you decide, I know I'm going to have to suffer to get there. I know that's part of the journey for me. And I'm going to talk about this at length in another audio. Once you accept that there will be suffering, right? It becomes so much easier when it comes your way.

It's just something you know as part of it. You don't see the suffering as some sign you should stop or the suffering as some sign that you're not cut out to do it or That it's not your time or you should go in a different direction because you're sprinting all the time and the dream is Closer than you think it is and you accept that you're going to suffer on the way there It makes it so much easier as the suffering comes and just know it's part of the process. And here's the hook though, it's the type of suffering. Are you going to go through the type of suffering that gets you closer to your dream or the suffering that moves you further away? The real suffering is a good thing, it moves you closer towards your dream.

It's the unnecessary suffering that these haters put you through, that isn't fair to you. It's the suffering of emotion you feel. It's the suffering of fear you feel, of doubt, of anxiety, of wanting to please everybody. This is what I'd call false suffering. This is what I would call suffering with no value, suffering with no finish line, suffering with no dream. I'm willing to suffer and I accept the suffering in moving towards my target. I'm gonna get knocked down, I gotta get up.

The race is gonna be painful, I'm gonna get tired, I'm gonna get fatigued, I'm gonna get rejected, I'm gonna fall behind, then I'm gonna go in the lead, then I'm gonna fall behind again. I'm gonna have all kinds of suffering to get to that finish line. And I'm willing to accept that suffering in order to win. And you need to accept the suffering as well. Which you don't need to accept is the type of suffering that is put

upon only in your own head, put upon by outside forces, the type of suffering that most people go through every single day, that is totally unnecessary suffering, that causes you not to go through the real suffering that causes you not to go through the real suffering that gets you closer to your goal. If you're suffering emotionally, if you're suffering because of what other people think about you, if you're suffering because of these dream Steelers in your life, this is what I call false suffering that gets you nowhere. You're going to suffer and you should embrace the suffering.

It's actually a beautiful thing. There's something beautiful once you say, I'm going to have to suffer to get there. But this suffering is beautiful because here's the truth. The price you will pay to get your dream, payles in comparison to the price you will pay if you don't get your dream. See, the price you'll pay to get your dream to get to the finish line is short term. It's a year. It's five years. It's 10 years. It's 15 years, whatever it is, to get to your dream body, your dream business, your dream relationship, your dream finances, it's a short term suffering, which pales in comparison to living the rest of your life without that relationship, the rest of your life without that business, the rest of your

life without that achievement. See, the price you'll pay, again, to achieve your dream. Once you accept you'll have to suffer and pay a price, is insignificant compared to the price you will ultimately pay if you don't. That's a lifetime of suffering, but we'll steal that dream from you. We'll steal the ability to pay that price, is suffering from what other people think about you, suffering from these relationships in your family, suffering from feedback from people who aren't concerned about you, who are antagonistic towards your fate, antagonistic towards your future. You're going to suffer.

Make sure it's the good suffering, the suffering with a reward. There's no reward to the emotional suffering you're going through, worrying about your haters, worrying about what people think about you, worrying about the detractors. I'm not here to tell you, as your friend, as a mentor, that suffering is a bad thing or that suffering towards your goal is something you shouldn't embrace. I embrace it all the time every day before I go on the gym. I know I'm on a suffer a little bit but it's gonna make me stronger and more fit. As an entrepreneur, I accept their suffering, I accept their discomfort, I accept their setbacks, there's something beautiful once you accept that.

What's terrible is then to accept voluntarily the suffering that is so unnecessary that the rest of the world is going to try to put upon you. So distinguish between the type of suffering you're willing to go through. Don't let anybody else ever cause you to suffer, to lose your perception, to lose your vision, to lose how close you are, to lose your belief, to steal your dream, to get you to pay the ultimate price. The ultimate price is that you begin to suffer worrying about what other people think about you. And in the consequence of paying that price is, you will pay lifetime price far greater

for not getting there. So today, I want you to distinguish, is someone a hater, or are they giving me criticism, concern, and feedback that I should respond to? That criticism, that concern, and feedback, is it coming from a valid place. Somebody who's successful in the area that I'm getting this counsel from. Okay, I want you to be thinking about

how much closer you are to your vision than you think you are. I want you considering for a second about the type of suffering you're willing to go through and how worth it will be when you get there. Do not let the people in your life steal your dreams. And I hope today we've dispelled the myth that everyone's a hater. Everyone's not a hater, and it's your ability to distinguish who is and who isn't. It's going to determine to some extent where you end up going in your life.

I hope today helped you. I hope today served you. It gave you things to think about. It gave you a couple tactical strategies. Do not let them steal your energy. And if you enjoyed today's program, remember this. Refer people. Share this with you with the number one program in the world for a reason. Number one personal development content on Planet Earth. It's new, modern, cutting edge, and it's the best content in my opinion that exists in the world today in life strategy, personal development, and peak performance. If you feel that way, share it

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the first two minutes, that's okay too. If you make a comment at any time of the day, but you do it every day. So on every one of my posts, I only make one a day typically. If you make a comment every day at the end of the week, we add up the group of people who just commented every day regardless of the time and we pick a winner from that group as well. So you got two ways to win on that. I'm looking forward to connecting with you more and on a deeper level that way. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed today's program. God bless you and max out. This is the Edmund Mahchal.