THE ED MYLETT SHOW - The Mask of Masculinity w/ Jason Wilson

Episode Date: September 21, 2021

This week we’re going to explore one of the great mysteries of our time…THE HEALTH OF THE MALE PSYCHE. Whether you’re a man or a woman, you may think you know and understand modern day MASCULINITY. But we’re at a crossroads between what a traditional definition is and finding new ways to help boys and men CREATE HEALTHIER EMOTIONAL OUTCOMES. My guest, JASON WILSON, is an expert on the subject and someone you may already recognize. He is a sought-after speaker and frequently appears in a variety of news media, but perhaps is best known for a VIRAL VIDEO of him working with one of his martial arts students as that 9-year-old boy fought back tears trying to break a board during belt test. It has been viewed more than 100 million times. If you haven’t seen it, FIND IT ON YOUTUBE AND WATCH IT! Jason is the founder and CEO of Yunion (pronounced union) and has spent close to 15 years training and developing more than 10,000 young adults in Metro Detroit. His IMPACT on IMPROVING the lives of young boys and men have earned him numerous accolades, including the prestigious President’s Volunteer Service Award. This is an important discussion about a topic that’s frequently overlooked, and the goal of this episode is to make you STOP AND THINK about what we can all do to IMPROVE the mental health of young men everywhere. Jason downloads TRUTH about what masculinity really is and how men need to make peace with and EMBRACE ALL OF THEIR EMOTIONS. Not only is it okay to cry and release past trauma, but it’s also one of the best paths to HEALING and POSITIVE GROWTH in men of all ages. He also reveals what EMOTIONAL INCARCERATION is and how to break through suppressing feelings that can create internal conflict if left unresolved. One of the biggest CHALLENGES single moms face is trying to raise a young man when a father is no longer around. In his work, Jason has seen this time and again and that’s why we spend a lot of time discussing PRACTICAL STRATEGIES that can help BUILD BRIDGES for mothers who face this reality. Listening to Jason, you will gain greater INSIGHTS to all human relationships. He will help you adjust your thinking so you can find greater LOVE and PEACE in your own life through better interactions with others.   👉 SUBSCRIBE TO ED'S YOUTUBE CHANNEL NOW 👈  → → → CONNECT WITH ED MYLETT ON SOCIAL MEDIA: ← ← ← ▶︎ INSTAGRAM ▶︎ FACEBOOK  ▶︎ LINKEDIN ▶︎ TWITTER ▶︎ WEBSITE  

This is The Edmila Show. Welcome back to Max Out, everybody. I'm so honored and blessed to have this man in my left here today. He just came on my radar very recently and God is so good because I'm mainly fell in love with this man and his message through social media through YouTube And within about a week of me discovering who he was Unbelievably his name came across my desk with an opportunity to have a conversation with him today And I think he's one of the most unique and influential people that I've ever heard from as a man

And it's really an honor to have you here today. He's an author. He's a speaker. He's a coach But what he does is he really impacts people's lives, particularly men, but you women today that are listening to this or watching this, you get to listen in on a conversation. I think it'll help you understand your man, your son, your potential boyfriend, or your husband, even better today.

So Jason Wilson, thank you for being here. It's a pleasure, thanks, I appreciate it. It's my honor. And evidently, we've been trying to get together for a while but we didn't really realize it. He has a book out coming out by the way that you can preorder right now called Battle Cry. I'm fascinated by this. So you came on my radar because I hear you on Rogan's show and I hear about this video with you. And those of you that haven't heard it, well we'll go through the whole video, but I cried watching it. And I'm doing it right now.

It was just such a beautiful moment to watch a man be a real man, which is what you were in this moment, but there's this video of you at your martial art studio with this young boys trying to break this block, he's crying, his hands hurting. The first thing you did that I loved, that I just wanna say is you got down on his level. You got down on your knee, you got to his level, which I think is where we need to meet everybody in life. And then you told him, was okay to cry. And you told him that the things hurt

for a reason. And that he, you know, that as a man, you're going to get through those things that you need, you need Jesus, that it's okay to cry. This is the entire message. Were you that man already every single day and just a camera caught it? Or was that moment sort of a turning point even in your own life when everybody discovered how you treated young men so beautifully? That's a really good question. That moment actually was just a norm in the cave of a dilemma.

I actually wasn't gonna record that day. I stopped recording the test, but my friend who was Little Bruce's father, he wanted it. I said, look, let me just record it for keepsake. And if I wouldn't know it would have been viewed over a hundred million times, I would have at least focused the camera, man.

I was a little worried. So I just, I'm gonna just rush the camera and say, let's go, you know, it's time to test. And what had happened, Bruce had no issues with breaking that board weeks prior. His real issue was a fear of failure and that's what that board became. So we used this board breaking as a symbol

to show boys just how to break through their own emotional barriers. So that could be a school bully, when you become a man, it's an intimidating coworker. When you're younger, it could be obesity. When you get older and you beat overcome obesity, now you're afraid to talk to the woman of your dreams who's right before you. So again, we have to break emotional barriers throughout life. And so here's was a fear of failure.

And when he was, he had to break it with his right and his left. And when he couldn't break it, I just said, hey, you know, what's going on? know what's happening and he just was he was he was scared he felt the fear of failure and he started crying and I felt shame I felt that he was ashamed to cry his family there's kids but he wasn't alone we have was called a moment on the mat when you give any male especially a man an opportunity to be human, he will open up. That's why men cry more than the boys do when we train together.

Because we have so many years where we suppress all of these emotions, so I often say there's a broken boy inside of every man. And so when you allow that boy to be healed, you have to have some crying. And so unfortunately, we're told big boys don't cry. We're doesn't kill you, make you stronger. Another misleading mantra is, no pain or gain. That's not a universal principle. If you apply that to your entire life, you won't have one.

And so I dropped to my knee and I looked at this eyes and I said, hey, man, it's okay to cry. We cry as men. And during that time, my mother had dementia. And she was actually, you know what, she may have passed when I recorded that. That's what shifted in me, Ed, because before I was a hyper masculine male. You were?

Oh, man, absolutely. Especially in my era, I was a popular hip hop DJ. There wasn't any hip-hop albums with me and smiling on the covers. You know, everyone, we were serious, you know, and that was just the whole image that we had. And then I had brothers who, my first brother was murdered when I was three, my second brother was murdered,

and when I was 23. And so they had, you know, lived dangerous lifestyle. And you did too, right? You you indulged in I tried to because again The standard in my community was the hypermasculine black male. Yes, so if you weren't that you didn't get the girls You didn't get the money you weren't cool. You were ostracized. Yes, and so but I was a kindhearted boy caring nurturing But I was I wasn't a thug, you know, and I later came up with the acronym for a thug.

It's a traumatized human unable to grieve. So so many of the young boys I mentor and even men, what they call OGs or original gangsters, they're hurting. And it's amazing when I get with them and just talk, they just start crying because of the years of the trauma that they've seen, their friends getting killed. Someone dying like my best friend of a heart attack who was my weightlifting partner.

That was the first time I cried, man, in a funeral. I didn't even cry out my brother's funeral. And until the pastor gave me permission to cry, I thought something was wrong with me. You know, I say in battle cry, I say we need emotional animals because we're so backed up, even like I think it's a hundred and ninety-one thousand men die annually of prostate cancer. The main reason we don't want to be, you know, what is it called? We do the PSA where they just take the blood, preca blu and test our prostate. But the manual exam, where the doctor has to put his finger up,

we rather die on our swords, man, because it feels like our masculinity is draining out of us when he pulls his finger out. You're talking about an exam that's no longer than eight to 10 seconds. Very true though. But because we're hyper-masculine, we're dying that way. And so it's something that I know is my mission that God has given me,

and with little Bruce that moment, when that video went viral, when the world saw just the gentleness, but still the strength, the lamb and the lion, men from all over the world. We had to shut our nonprofit offices down, man. Because the forums were just ringing in 2016. Virovideos were kind of new, I think. And we were like, what's going on? Men were crying to our women staff,

saying I'm tired of not being able to be tired. I'm wanna be a human. I wish my coach would have did that. For me, now I walk around with anger. Yeah. And so that's what I'm doing. You said about this tired thing. I wanna touch on it.

There's so many things we're gonna touch on today. We, it's interesting. I realize, my dad was a wonderful guy, but I certainly was raised to be that traditional man's, man type of deal. I'd never cried in my life either. I'd never remember going to my grandfather's funeral, I was very close to thinking,

why can't I cry? Like I almost, that time wanted to, and could now so conditioned not to show what I thought were weak emotions. Somewhere along the line though, when I started doing this work, that changed for me. And because if you don't reflect those emotions, I don't think you're really present with people. I want to be present with people. You feel like

you go through your entire life and you were just really never there. I'm most playing this character of this beast that I needed to be. But you said something the other day actually that I was watching you're content is so good that I watch it multiple times. And you said when a man tells you he's tired listen to him. So you know that's one of those things that coaches that said that you're not tired. Let's keep going. Let's keep going.

What does your mean by that? Because when will one show how you doing the amount tired? Yeah. And that's a reality. Typically we're telling them to stay strong. That's exactly what we say back. Or they're hurting. But I just share today, no one can stay strong.

No human. You wait live, I wait trained, put a 135 on the bench and just hold it there. I see you tomorrow, but you can't drop that, that bar. No one can stay strong. But it's us as men, like women don't allow one adjective to define them. So femininity, you will never hear women just be confined to that, because she has to be anything and everything, she has to be at any given moment, especially single mothers. And I often talk about what if they would allow the culture to define them in the early

1900s when they say a woman's place was in the kitchen. You know, they defied that. But we as men, we've allowed this one adjective of masculinity to define us and at the same time, is hindering us from living the lives that we long for inside. Is it the word or is it what we think it means? That's a good, I mean, it is. It's so the word, that's what I had in the piphany.

I thought masculinity was manhood. Like it's just a comprehensive definition of manhood. When the God was like, look at the definition, it's nothing but a few attributes. Bowtons aggression strength. And the second definition is like masculine attire. So there's nothing toxic about masculinity. Like if a fireman of this was burning down and we needed help, firemen bust a door down

and rescues us, those are masculine attributes. But when you're only can live exuding strength, boldness, and aggression, or assertiveness, when your wife needs nurturing, when your children needs nurturing, when even God needs you to be compassionate to someone in need, you can't. So you're limited, and then you're frustrated, and you're taught about a point when you check out,

you have this one image of being this tough guy Yeah, but when things are really happening around you You're not present because you're really not comprehensive. That's right. We lost my wife lost five of our children So I don't say weak because I think you know as a husband and wife you can say those are our children But that's something my wife had in the door because at the time I wasn't there I didn't even know I knew something was wrong, something bothering me. But I couldn't express the pain, I couldn't sit with her and cry. When you say you lost five children, you're talking about she had miscarried.

Miscarried, just let me be serious. My goodness, well five, that's incredible. That's a big number. It's a big number and with my daughter, so we have a son, thank God. Now he's 13, but our daughter is 26. That's why it's a big age gap. And so I didn't know how to feel, even when my wife, she's still long to give me a son. And one day after my father died in 2007, I come home taking a shower. And I hear God say clearly, he says,

after you there is no more. And I'm like, what do you mean? And he says, think of Abraham. That was his greatest fear. He was this man that had everything, but he didn't have a son to pass on everything. Yeah. So I get out the shower, man.

Imagine your wife almost dying trying to have children. And I say, Nicole, do you pray for a child, specifically a boy? And she says, yes. I'm like, what's pray for a child specifically a boy? And she says yes. I'm like, what's wrong with you? Why would you do that? You know it could, you know, you could die. Because it was very stressful.

She almost died right before her son. She says, I want to give you a son. We prayed together. Two weeks later, she gets pregnant. It's a boy. But check this out. This was when it was confirmation that this was divine. At the five month mark, I'm running to get her some food and she calls me screaming and crying.

So I'm like, what's wrong? It's pain in my stomach. So I'm thinking she's going to lose our son. And so, okay, here I come. So as I'm pulling out the park and a lady stops me and she asked me for directions. And I just told her, I said, well, look, I have to out the park and a lady stops me and she asks me for directions. And I just told her, I said, well, look, I have to run. She says, hold on before you leave. Let me tell you something. Don't lose the faith. It's going to get tough, but don't lose the faith.

We get to the hospital. We thinking it's another misguide. Her appendix is rupture. This was the only time, with the best time, to take Little Jason out of her, take the appendix out and put him back. This was the other soul. Yeah. Even then I couldn't cry, man. Whoa. I could, because I'm tough. I gotta be strong. I gotta provide. Everyone needs me to be strong right now. Then you wonder why we snap. You know, in, like the doctors, I felt they weren't attentive enough to my wife. So I'm ready to fight.

And the nurses weren't paying attention. And friend of mine who's a very wise man, he says, you're going to do nothing but cause more problems. He says they're tired. Go buy some fruit or something. So I bought a big basket of fruit, put it on the nurses station, had a car. He says, thank you for being the angels here. It's awesome.

And they took care of my wife, but I didn't know how to do that. It's amazing to me. Because I was just, I was defined by what? Strength, strong. Yeah. Being boldness and provide. You want to have a good God moment with me right now? Sure.

I'm going to blow you away. Yeah. That's amazing that you just said this. I knew, I'll just tell you what happened. So I'm blown away like my hairless arms have goose bumps right now. I got interviewed this morning before you were here. And at the end of the interview the person said to me, if you could have dinner with three people that are deceased, who would those three people be. And I just off the cuff said who I would always say I said Jesus my dad and I

can't believe where this came from and I said the baby that my wife lost. This is just this morning. Do you know that I had not thought about that in 20 years? And the same thing when that happened I wasn't emotionally available for that. I was just something that happened kind of to her, and I didn't understand why she was so upset about it. But for some reason, because I've been doing such work on myself, that came to me from nowhere today, and then you bring this story up several hours later on my show. It's miraculous to me. It's almost confirmation. information. Yeah, it's confirmation that you need to release something.

Yeah. And probably some time you need to spend with your wife and revisit it and cry and let some of that go because it will hold on to trauma will hinder us. Dr. William Frey discovered that tears not only are 98% water, okay, but when we cry due to trauma or emotional pain or stress, they contain stress hormones. So they get excreted from our body when we cry. That's why we typically feel better.

Healthy. So so many men, we're bottled up, we're holding on to all of this unresolved anger, frustration, fear, failure, abuse, abandonment. And we wonder why we can't really take the next step into what we need to be as a man and so. The reason I said when we started the show too that I wanted ladies to listen in on you and I discussing this is because you know I think also just affording the man that you're with a space is such a trendy word right now but like an environment where he's accepted for doing, especially if he's lived all of his life being this strong guy and never shows these other emotions, you know, allowing that to take place and nurturing that and a man is really important. You, here's how it feels, ladies, for a man when he lives like this.

And I want you to give your example of watching your content the other day and you've talked about how an actual prison cell and incarceration works and the physical incarceration. But there's another emotional and mental incarceration that most men live most of their lives with many men have lived their entire life and passed away and lived their entire life in this type of incarceration. So share that with everybody. Emotional incarceration is a self-imposed prison sentence. So basically, you walk into this your own mental prison

with the door that's wide open and you never come out. Because every man will tell you that we can get up at any moment and change things instant. We can turn that switch on. That's the masculinity in us. But when we have to face what's going on inside of us, the wars that are erupting inside, what we scare to really deal with,

because those pull out non-masculine emotions. It pulls out fear, anxiety, sadness, sorrow. And we don't want to have anything to do with that. So we rather just stay in this prison, where we can stay incarcerated, turn off our hearts from the world, because not only are we tired of feeling a certain way, we're tired of being the bad guy

when we just want to be a good man. And so how often I don't know about you as a father and a husband, I've made a plethora of mistakes. And it just, it got to the point at one time, I'm like, look, you guys can just live on without me. I'm better off dead. I mean, just to be transparent with you.

And this is why one of the reasons I believe, what is it, three to, men died by suicide, three to four times as often as women. That's right. We, first of all, we identify our worth with our work. Yes. And so that's why you'll see older men, like older couples out. The man is barely getting around on the walker, but his wife is skipping, moving around fast.

Because when we could rest, we won't. When we can take a nap. Man, I can't tell you how many days I've jumped up from a couch, my couch, when the cold, my wife comes home because I think she would think I'm lazy. Okay, because again, we're big, our life is based on what we do. So we never have rest. And so that's the greatest tragedy.

And so a man just says, Hey, I'm not really no good to you guys. I'm not really doing well in my life. I might as well not have one. So we give up. And I've been there where you just like, I can't get over this hump. I'm always hurting my daughter. I grew up, I would yell at my daughter all the time. And it's like what was going on there. Her room was filthy. Now the dad, now we'll say, wait a minute, this is a sign that something's going on inside.

Maybe something's going in at school, let me just sit and talk to my daughter. Just recently, she says, hey, dad, something else came up and I would like for us to see Tim, who's our psychotherapist. And so as a man, I'm like, this is great because I want to work through these issues with my daughter so we can become closer and I can help her become who got created, her to be. But at the same time, you're like, man, what else did I do wrong? Yeah, I know exactly. And I hear this again, and it hurts me to hear who I was. I know what you mean.

But that's freedom, man. It's like, again, if someone was to come in and try to, we'll fight and we do whatever we take. We'll take bullets for our family, of course. But when we have to deal with the emotions that are raising aside of us because of our failures, the things that we wish we could have done, the things that we wish our fathers would have said to us or done for us, we say, no, we're good.

Let me just get something to drink. Let me go visit this girl. Let me get high. Let me go visit this girl. Let me get high. Let me go to the gym. Let me fight. Instead of saying, no, let me be still so that I can release what's going on. It's beautiful.

I wish every man would take that last little piece right there, that last minute, play it back. Because those are all the coping. There's more, but it's a drink and it's the women, it's the drugs. Let's go lift some more weight. Let's go make some more money. Let's go make some more money. Let's buy another this.

Let's do another that instead of just being present. Now here's a tough question. A lot of men are listening. It's going, they're getting emotional. Like you get this, the suicide thing was a tremendous stat you gave because like you, I get reached out and men, and I don't have any value to my family. You know, I'm amazed by how many men,

not just the number that take their lives, but actually contemplate it like you've shared. Like, I get lots. I don't know the quantified the number, but lots of messages from men, particularly when they're failing financially. When men feel like they're failing financially, if you're with a man right now and if you're a woman and he's failing financially, I'm telling you so often so much of his identity is worth his tide to earning and providing and winning. You be very vigilant with that man. And he is not playing his cards on the table.

He is probably not showing you based on what Jason's talking about here, how he really feels. What would you say to the man, though, who says, I do want to, because this is how we think. If I do that, I'm going to lose something. So this is how men think. Okay, this sounds good. I do want to be more present with my daughter. I probably would feel really good to cry when I need to.

I'd like to laugh a little bit more, and let my guard down and beam who I really am. But then I'm going to lose this other part of me. I'm going to lose, see, you have this great analogy of the lion and the lamb. I definitely need to have more lamb, but I'm afraid if I do that, I'm going to lose all the lion. And men do think this, you know that. What would you say to a man who's saying, I'm afraid I'm going to lose parts of me. I do like if I become this new version of me. I don't think it's parts of them that they're afraid of losing.

It's the people that success and everything that comes with it. It comes with it. It's just being the man or being a certain type of man. What I had to come to grips with was that I want to live from my heart, man. So a definition for a comprehensive man is a man who's courageous but also compassionate, strong but sensitive, a man who can boldly live from his heart instead of his fears. What do we do typically when we meet someone, let me guard because I don't know if they're really a good person and all these other things?

So that hinders me from expressing the love I have, not just for them, but just in general in life, I care about people. So as men, we stay guarded, and now we've shut off our hearts, really, from really expressing the full essence of who we are. So if a person hurts you or take advantage of you, that was a blessing, because now you don't have to waste time in that relationship anymore. You didn't lose anything. It was all a game.

And when men, I talked to men, even those who are wealthy seem to struggle with it a lot more. Of course. You're reinforced. Sure, I did. He's reinforced over and over again. And so I never forgot the time I was at a track, man, and a doctor recognized me.

And he says, man, I think it was a doctor, a lawyer. But anyway, he was a professional, very successful. He wanted to take his life. And I said, why? doctor or a lawyer, but anyway, he was a professional, very successful. He wanted to take his life. And I said, why? He has a beautiful family. He said, I don't feel like I'm valuable. I said, wow, and he was this guy's very successful. But what he is saying is that he's really not living from his longing.

He's living from what he's been programmed to believe a man is. But with so much bigger, with so much more than masculine. So when we're confined to just providing, getting the watches, the clothes, the cars, the houses, we know that's nothing after a while. Once you buy it, it's done in a few days. So who you really are is what matters the most. And so we were walking, he says his counselor told them

or therapists, you know, what about you? Ask, what about your family? What about, you know, your mom and your kids? And he was like, what about me? And that's what I tell men, you are worth living. Don't allow your entire life to be, you know, it's great to be a family guy I am. But I don't allow my life to be completely centered around them. First is God, then it's my family,

and then it's my service. And there's another thing that misleases this man, we fight to live this balanced life. Like I don't believe in that concept because if everything is balanced, that means everything gets the same amount of attention. So my family and the things that matter the most are in this part of the scale and this is everything else to success, books, everything else. This must always tip the scale. As soon as I start feeling it, do this, I'm like, oh, it's too much here. Yeah. I'm gonna get some of this off because this is really not important. This is not how I get my information. This is not who I am as a man. But here in my wife's there, I'm so proud of you, J.

and my daughter, daddy, I love you, my son, leaning into me. When my mother was living, how proud she was, how that I was able to serve her with dementia and fight through so much, I want to stay in balance. And as a man, we're trying to do everything, but we need to fight to do what's important. So good.

And then we'll find the piece that we long for. So good. What advice I'm just thinking as you're talking. So, I'm going to talk to the women for a second. I keep going back there. That's good. So, what would you say to the women listening to this who are single mothers? So, one of the things you

were talking about earlier was you know these young boys that you work with. And I can't tell you how many men message me who had an absent father, just the absence of a father in their life, and the massive impact that's made on them. Of not either ever seeing a male around them or the ones they saw were all what you see on television, not seeing a daddy who hugged them, said, I love you, showed kindness. So you could have an absent father,

literally physically meaning he's not in your home. You can also have one who's in your home, who's absent. Yes. But if there's a mother who's raising a young man right now, what advice would you give to her because there may not be a physical male in his presence? One thing that we do in our academy that I've seen break down the single mothers

that enroll their sons is when we allow them to be a mother. So I was raised by a single mom, one of the best to do it. She had to be my dad, my mom, football coach, tutor, you name it. When a single mother has to be the disciplinarian and the nurturer, eventually one has to leave. As a boy gets older, it becomes more rebellious, because inside at the age of 12, because this is when it starts happening, the majority of countries, he's really a man,

but he's being talked to or in school or in this country as a little boy. Then here you have a mother who's stressed out, worried about her son doing everything that she can to provide for him. Father probably made, well, not, maybe absent, okay, but if he's not active, now that's something else your son is dealing with. We give mothers the freedom to be mothers and what I mean by that is,

and I love how the Bible puts it. Solomon says, sons, never forsake your father's instruction or your mother's teaching. Instruction and teaching are two different things. Elaborate on that. One is rooted in discipline, one is rooted in nurturing. The teaching is nurturing. Destruction is disciplinary. So when you give a mother the opportunity to really operate in her fullness of who she is, can she be a protector?

Absolutely. Herod Tubman, I can go down the line, okay? But no one can touch women as nurturers. We'll run through walls for our mothers, okay? Yes. And so one day, one of my recruits, he was sitting on the bench, he was crying at the end of the hallway.

His mother was just tired, you know, single mom doing the best she can. She says, Jason, I just don't know what to do anymore. I said, I want you to look at him. What do you think he needs right now? Does he need you to be disciplinarian or does he need you to be? And she looked, I didn't say the word purposefully. She started crying. She needs me. I'm getting choked up. He needs me to be his mother. And she broke down crying and went down to the hallway and hugged him. That changed that boy's life. And we told her and we vowed that every single mother that comes to the cave,

we're going to jump in that role of the disciplinarian. Now, I'm saying that you can't because women, I've seen them be everything. They don't want to be like nobody does. She but it's very like with my wife I could say this publicly. I have to fight some time to train up my son because she loves Lil' Jay. She's going protecting and everything. Single mom be like go ahead, do what you want. I'm tired. There you go. And so she they're tired, but when you when they can call you as like the father figure Man, it alleviates so much stress and stress and pressure from them So what I advise single moms is to seek out mentoring programs

Okay, male mentoring programs in their area where they can find a place for their boys to go that can be Transparent and not have to worry about a man Challenging them all the time. In my academy, I don't even use the word. Okay, I only encourage men. In encouragement, there is a challenge. I said, come on, you can do an ed, come on, let's go. I'm encouraging you.

Okay. Words are very powerful. The last thing a tired man needs, the last thing a man who only finds his worth in his work, last thing he needs is another challenge. He needs to be encouraged and uplifted. When you give women single mothers that freedom, that's what my mother long for. I almost died three times, man, trying to find myself.

How so, what do you mean? Street life, you know, the gangs in my community, they were role models, man. And so, if you don't hear it from a man, you're going to get it from wherever you can. Either women, drugs, Karen, I took my stepfather's gun out the house, just trying to be tough, and I wasn't that. And so, if I would have had that male around,

if I would have had that male around, if I would have had a me around. Yeah. I would have, well, I think my path was meant to be the way it was because I remember I was taking the kid home. He was crying because his father wasn't active in his life. I said, man, do you know God can use that? He didn't mean for this to happen. But it's written that he's a father to the fatherless, and he uses men to play that role. I said, but what if I would have my father actively in my life with my mom? Do you think I'd be in this car with you right now?

Right, he would not say no. You would not. I said, that adversity is what trains us up to be, who we're supposed to be. Yes. Don't miss what's happening to your heart right now. I tell my son the same thing. Great conversation. When he was growing up, he was premature.

So we held him back in school purposefully because he was born late in the year and it advised from all my mentors. He was like, look, give him a head start. But because he's kindhearted, people would pick on him. He's big and so he could hurt someone And that affects them to this day sometimes. But what's amazing is, I say Jason, you're powerful. And he has smiled. I say, but those years were meant to humble your heart

to make you tender to those who are weak. So that you will never forget who you were. So when you see a kid bullied, because he's protected kids who were bullied before, you will never forget what it felt like. You'll never forget what it feels like not to be cool. So you'll never forget those things. Same thing with me. I can talk to the businessman, the billionaire, the drug dealer, the senior citizen. I can go, I can do the whole gamut. Yeah. Because I've experienced a little of each. No kidding. And I never forgot that feeling. But when you're only a masculine male,

you don't even allow your heart to express what you've been through. Yeah. And so that's the freedom in becoming comprehensive. That's the image of you getting on your knee for that little boy was big to me. And the reason is that pain is can be a really valuable thing if you allow yourself to feel that I have found because like you said, I don't think I'd be doing this work or having the impact that I've had had I not had the childhood that I had in my experience because it allows me to connect with other people's pain. But I think if you don't allow yourself to feel on any of it, if you don't reflect about it,

if you don't evaluate those things, then it really all happened for no reason. So, you know, if you're gonna have pain, there should be a purpose to it. And if you're gonna go through something and you've gone through it, allow yourself to feel the emotions that come with it because it's what's gonna allow you

to help and connect with other people. That's very good, man. I'm thinking of my mom as you say that, and you ask me, where did the transition start? When my mother developed dementia, man, it wasn't enough just to be masculine. That was perfect when I had to deal with doctors who were insensitive, didn't have empathy for the trauma she had experienced,

or the pharmaceutical companies who were trying to rip her off. I could deal with all of that. I could help lay a plan out for the bills and cut the grass and make sure the house is together. But when my mom needed someone to hug her and cradle her like a baby, that was tough. And so I prayed for God to take her life. You did? Because it was tough. And so I prayed for God to take her life. Because it was frustration. I said she wasn't living no more. This isn't my mom. So just

take her. It just doesn't make sense to me. And he said so clear to me. I was on my deck on the backyard. He says, Jason, that's not love, that's fear. And it was fear. That it was fear. That prayer didn't come because I loved my mom. That prayer came because I was tired of seeing her suffer. Yes. I didn't want to go through that end, the final shot, the final buzzer on the game clock.

I didn't want to deal with that journey. And he says, you have to become comprehensive. You're going to have to nurture her. You're going to have to massage her. Do her hair. I just started doing my mother's nails. That's beautiful. And it made me into who I am today. The teacher I am. You wouldn't have saw that moment of me dropping to my knee, talking to Bruce if I hadn't had dropped to my knees and crying in my mother's lap. That's beautiful. You know, and so. And you were doing this by the way. There's another layer to this, as she wasn't herself, and she could be, as many people dimensioned, you can get there, they're not reciprocating that love

necessarily at that time. They can be, they can get pretty mean and pretty aggressive, correct? I have pictures with she's me mugging, so I literally, I posted on social media during, all time, awareness month. And we're taking a picture of the kitchen table. She's mad, angry, and I'm smiling.

And the caption said, we're going to beat dementia together. That's beautiful. And so she would get mad, but mom was always there. Even in the midst of all the confusion, mom was there. And so I knew I learned how to get to her heart, how to be patient. And I created a concept called the emotional roller coaster and I applied in life as well I hear this Anyone who's a caregiver of anyone with Alzheimer's or dementia they know, you know, it can change at any moment

If you live life like that, you'll never be stable So my mother would have an emotional outbreak or outbursts or getting a liturial fight where she was staying with in this beautiful home. I would go up and down. I mean, what's going on? Then I get depressed. Then I got to go sleep somewhere. That was called the emotional roller coaster. I had to learn how to stay off of that. Yes. Allow mom to get on because she had to get on. She would go up and down, and as a caring parent, I would walk. As a caring parent, I would walk, wait for her to get off of this ride.

And when the ride was done, I would grab her hand and walk her until she keeps her mental balance back. That settled her, and it kept me stable because I needed to be stable in that situation. This happens when we get an argument with our wives, when our children do things to us. So as a father, instead of if our son is paying attention to school or having good grades because he's not focused. And we keep telling him over and over, we're spending money on tutors. What did we say, come on man, what's going on? You know, I'm taking this well. We literally do it exactly. We should say, man, you're hurting me. Because

that's actually what we're feeling. That's what this comes from. We're hurting. We don't know how to express it in a healthy way. Why do you keep doing that? Jason, why do you keep doing this? It's hurting me because I want the best for you. I love you, son. I'm giving you everything that I can. What's, when am I doing something? Crack through the armor instantly. Wow. I tell a shared story in my book. Wow. My man, I love Amis baked Amis chicken wings. My man, I love baked almonds, chicken wings. So I get home and I had eaten. So Nicole and Jason, they finished eating Jason starts cleaning the kitchen.

So as he watched in dishes, he felt the need that he can just grab one of my wings and eat one of my, I think six or seven almond wings which are small. They're limited. Yeah, and limited and small. I'm upset now. Angry. Alexis Dad, who was my daughter, I would have yelled, There's limited. Yeah, and limited. It's small. I'm upset now. Okay.

Angry. Alexis Dad, who was my daughter, I would have yelled, who do you think you're out of pay the bills? Why don't you ever eat my food? Who do you think and get in this face? Mm-hmm. Okay? This time I said, son, that offended me is very disrespectful and why did you do it?

He says, I was hungry. That's an impulse. You can't respond like that. Very good. And get you in trouble. I said, don't ever do that again. That only hurts me. But as the man who pays these bills in here,

did you buy your clothes? No. You should even offer me one of your wings, son. And this is the key. As I'm disciplining him, I'm forgiving him. So as I'm talking to him, I'm seeing my beloved son, whom I love, and saying, I forgive you. And he can say, I'm sorry.

And within five minutes, we reset. That's beautiful. Now we're together. Because it's time, life is so short, man. It's like, you know, I was just talking to your wife, your daughter just turned 18. Today, yeah. And she's filling the emotions because it is a sign of our mortality. You're right.

That this won't last. That's exactly what it is. That man, it's cost of being over. Yes, that's exactly what it is. So why waste time, arguing or doing things that we're going to later regret? Don't you think, by the way, on that, that idea of our mortality, I think it's a beautiful thing to contemplate. Like, I know, you're a man of deep faith. I am as well. One of the things about

having faith is it does cause you constantly to be drawn to death to some extent because you contemplate it, right? Yeah. And I think one of, I think death is a great perspective gatherer. I think this is just a great tool. I mean, I really do believe this, that there's only a finite number of days here. And so for those of you that are wrestling with, there's like, how many more days do you have left that you wanna live in this pain that you're in?

Do you know what I'm saying? Don't you think contemplating that? Yeah, we definitely cut it the same cloth. You know, I had a dream one day that I saw angels, they were just flying around in the circle and they were singing hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah just singing and then they came down over me and then they went back up and I started crying because I wanted to go with them. Well because of the pain and everything that I've been through the trauma, the helping

single moms, helping fathers who love their children and want to be there, but because of the broken boy inside of them, they don't even feel they're good enough. And I can go down the line. And I woke up crying, my wife says, everything's okay. I said, they left me. They left me. I want to go. So when you really believe that there's a better life after here, you not only try to do everything in your power to serve those who are here, but you look forward to that like you're saying.

What I don't look forward to is being the old man that can't do anything. I'm not going to lie to you. I worry about why we both are trying to work out though, right? It's a part of it. I'm watching you speak. Alexis is here by the way, I'm just kidding. You're so soft-spoken and gentle. And you're such a big, strong man.

Is this new? Is this a different you? In other words, even the way that you speak, there's a cadence. You gotta be aware of this. There's a cadence, okay? There's a cadence, there's an ease, there's a pace to it. I'm curious if, or maybe you don't even know,

was, if I met you 20 years ago, was there, did that exist? Was this always your disposition, so to speak, or is your disposition changed as you've been willing to share with yourself all of the emotions that a man should be experiencing? I've changed, I have to ask, I would like to ask, I'll let you think.

What's your thing? He's changed. Even his daughter's here, she's off camera, I've changed, I have to ask over like the ask, I'll let you think. He's saying, even his daughter's here, she's off camera guys, but I'm curious. Even his disposition, because I've noticed that myself, I've listened to audios of me 20 years ago. I still have a deep voice, I'm still aggressive, I still talk quickly, but there was an edge and an aggression to even the way I spoke. That is somewhat different now, Alexis, you see that. Yes, he has this whisper.

Okay. It wasn't. I got it. Okay. So those of you that can't hear Alexis, she's saying that he slows down, even the way that he speaks is much different as he's changed. And I think that's an external manifestation of something that's happened internally within you.

It's very noticeable with you. It's one of the things I noticed right away with you. Was that there's this strong man, visually very strong man who is frankly strong enough to communicate in a very gentle and kind way that's pleasant to be with. It's not off putting to be with. And I just think all of you should know that over time, I think Jason's an example of just subtle changes.

You may not even know, but your daughter no sitting here, changed within you. That's interesting. I had no idea. You say Kate, and I'm like, you tell me Ryan and Mike. Yeah, I'm just going to tell you the way that you're, well, change within you. That's interesting. I had no idea. You say, Kate, and I'm like, you're talking about riding the bike. Yeah, I'm like, it's the way that you, you're, well, it's welcoming. It allows someone to sit with you and be present themselves.

And I think when people become more vulnerable in the way they express themselves, it almost gives you permission in their presence to be that way. So the, and the reason I say this is just dawning on me is that I have a son who's a kind young man. He's a gentle, pretty strong, much bigger than me, much stronger. But I'd like to think that maybe a little bit of that

is because the, he was fortunate enough that the former me isn't the one that raised him. The, for the most part, it was a guy who had done some of this work that raised him. And I just think it gives people permission to be in your presence. I want to share something with you and then ask you about it because I see this all over you. We have a more uncommon than you might think in that one of my left, I played baseball and I was done playing college.

I was unemployed, just living at my parents house. My dad gets sober. He goes to his first AA meeting. My dad gets sober. Comes back from the first meeting, says, I got you a job. Turns out it was an orphanage. It was a boy's home, a big one though. My boys were all removed from their homes, or their parents were incarcerated or dead.

But what I discovered by working with these boys, I was their big brother. I took them to school. I was there when they opened presents on Christmas Day. You know, took them trick or treating. I was there when they got in a fight at school or broke up with their girlfriend or whatever it was. People were like, what do these boys want from you? And what I found from them was they wanted me to love them.

They wanted someone to love them, care about them, believe in them, and maybe just show them how to live a little bit better. And as I got older and I got into business, people said, well, did you have some success in business? Because that's what everybody wants. All people want you to love them. They want you to care about them.

They want you to believe in them. They want you to show them how to do a little better or help them. And I find that that's your over. If I distill down your message, the reason I agree with it and love it so much is it appears to me that that's what you do. You know, I'm glad you said that because when I first started the cave of a Donald for boys, it was just martial arts and discipline because although I rather, I was still meant to reset to the lamb, no one wants to be in fight or

flight response the whole time when you got to be tough and mean mug in the whole time. Can I go there? Absolutely. But if I could stay majority of the time here, this is where I want to be. When I start working with the boys, and I was different, I was a different guy then, I was all about structure discipline, toughness, 42, and I still am. However, I want you to be comprehensive. Boot camp programs were very popular and scared straight programs were popular when you would take kids into school, into prisons, yeah, and to get them scared enough to say, hey, I don't want to act up ever again. I discovered quickly, man, that re-traumatizing someone never heals the trauma you experience.

Bullcamps program started failing and alarming rates. And I started shifting. I went from just a discipline program to a place where it's a safe space. And then I discovered that our boys didn't need more discipline. They needed more love. Soon as I gave them that, you know, our first program that was in Highland Park, Michigan, if I was late, these boys, I'm talking about tough kids.

They were sweeping clean the room, everything moved the desk out, and they would sit there purposefully so that I could see them and say, wow, that's great, you guys did them. They just wanted the affirmation, they wanted to love. That's why they act out, and that's what I give them. I give them what I longed for. I'm literally, I became what I wanted, and that's what it is. It's no secret. I became a man who's strong but sensitive, who's compassionate but caring. Someone

who can encourage you when you need to push through some pain but also encourage you to express sorrow. We need to apologize to someone or feel the grief so that you can do something to transform someone's life. If you're only stuck in just masculine attributes, you can see something wrong, but you say, no, I'm feeling something different. I won't be a man, so they shy away from that. When we change as men, I say this, and I didn't say this, this world will change. You're right. When we can change, like, really become comprehensive, misogynistic behavior, I can go down the line and change, and that's inside working from the inside out.

I agree with you completely. I so wish that, and I'm being political one way or the other, but I just wish more people in politics showed more empathy, love and kindness and generosity. I wish CEOs of companies, coaches of sports teams and heads of families. We could change the world this way. And I feel like we're almost in an emergency situation where your message and the things we're talking about today, if we don't start to allow and create an environment where men in particular, but all people begin to live this way where they're just a little more loving and kind.

I've had an experience, I'm curious if it's happened to you. The world responds to me differently as I've acted different in the world. What I mean by that is that it doesn't mean that people aren't aggressive with me still. It doesn't mean that I don't have a confrontation from time to time in my life. But I have noticed as I've changed the way that I conduct myself, the way that I am the way that I interact with the world and other people,

the world has started to interact with me a little bit differently as well. Have you noticed that? In other words, I was always in confrontation with people. I was always running into a fight. I was always in some kind of an aggressive situation. It constantly found me, but it was almost like I, to some extent, attracted it to me because it's who I was. I was aggressive. I was confrontational. I'm not suggesting that that never happens with me anymore, but it happens far less than it used to. Now, it's either my perception has changed

or people actually respond to me differently. And if you've changed that much, especially I know environment is one thing where you grew up, you don't live in the exact same environment where you were gang infested prior, I understand that. But have you had that similar experience that other people respond to you differently? I mean, absolutely.

I mean, especially working with boys or kids who they just give up on. How do you bring the best out in this boy? I've spent this much money I've done this. I don't care who you are. Like, as I can meet with the gang member, I love them. I reach out to them like brothers or sons. They drop the girls, drop the guns. So, yes, they change. You know, truthfully, everyone wants to be guns, dropped the guns. So yes, they changed. Truthfully, everyone wants it to be loved, man. Yeah.

Who runs from love, like genuine love? And so when you offer that to whomever, they transform. I agree. I've never been, like again, never was the thug, you know. I always was wise young because of the trauma I've experienced and then growing up, I mean, I think I was 12 seeing someone's head get shot off with a shotgun. So I saw, like, wait a minute, if I can be this tough guy, but when guns play, you know, I could tell my friends and martial

arts, we focus on so much on training. I said, no, I want to teach my boys how to fight before the fist is formed, before the bullet is fired, because bullets don't tap out. So you can beat someone, I can teach you everything to do, but then they're coming back. What do you do then? Got tougher than a bullet. Yeah, no. So when I did security for a while, psychology was big for me.

Was it? Oh, yeah. How do you deal with a drug dealer? You know he's a big time drug dealer. And he's acting while and violating all the club policies. And you have to deescalate the situation. But you got to be careful because of who he is. So I walk over and say, hey man, look,

I don't want to make you look bad. I definitely don't want to look bad. I want to lose my job. I said, look, can you calm this down? I get what's happening. And I said, man, he shouldn't say that. You're absolutely right. I said, but it's no other way out of this.

I said, either I'm going to have to escort you out. Then that's going to lead to me and you at conflict. Or I'm going to lose my job if I don't do anything. I said, how about we just come to a happy like meeting. They'd be like, I feel you. And we would just de-escalate. I had done it with parents. De-escalate, yeah.

I remember one parent came in, I rate male. Some wasn't getting the tension he needed. He was a special needs boy. He comes across yelling, comes back with the secretaries. I'm meeting with the principal. The principal comes out and says, hey, hey well let's talk about this outside out the office no man I want to be heard right now with the principal but I know he was young that you've just impassively dismissed everything this man is standing for

right now because if he was to leave that office it would make him look like he was wrong I stopped let me take would make him look like he was wrong. Wow. I stopped. I said, let me take care. I said, what's going on, sir? He explained to me everything. I said, no way. Really?

I'm serious because I was upset with him. I said, look, I'm a father. I completely understand. I said, but right here, this isn't a good place for us to be discussing this. I said, but I don't want to ignore what you're saying. We're going to deal with this. Do me a favor. Let's walk out here. I'm going to go find somebody right now to discussing this. I said, but I don't want to ignore what you're saying. We're gonna deal with this. Do me a favor. Let's walk out here and let's,

I'm gonna go find somebody right now to handle this. Really? Let's go, man, let's go. And it was, we became cool. I mean, that's wonderful. But that's, to your premise, if I'm different, I can change that person. I believe that.

It's the same thing in martial arts. If someone is grabbing a tack and me strong, coming at me in judo, I don't brush up against you. Okay. When you come, I'm losing your energy and I'm going to throw you. I've become soft. If I stay hard, you break me and I break you at the same time. Very good.

Again, there's a difference between being aggressive and assertive. Okay. Aggression we say in the cave is just spurs power, just out of control or erratic. Assertiveness is a calculated decision that puts you in an advantageous position. So if I'm fighting you, I'm not punching you everywhere. I have certain targets that I need to hit. Same thing at work, a friend of mine is an engineer,

not engineer, a manager at Ford. There's certain targets and goals he needs to hit. Same thing at work, a friend of mine is an engineer, not an engineer, a manager at Ford. There's certain targets and goals he needs to hit to meet his number. He's not spending a lot of time talking to everyone. So yes, in our community, I think in manhood, men in general embrace the masculine male, there is no, unfortunately, you don't see too many heroes who are comprehensive in movies. There is no courage without fear anyway. So it's not such a thing as being fearless. Every man who has a child will let you know that he fears some things.

That's right. It's like another friend of mine told me that our children are like, our hearts walking outside of our bodies. It's so true. So there's fear there. Like your wife says, oh my gosh, she's going through so much. Because what does 18 mean? Is they're getting older and they get in this like, oh my God.

So do you smother that as a man? What does a man do next? He says, I've listened to you, Jason. I'll get your book, which the links up on YouTube right now for people to get. But I really do need to evaluate this, become aware of this, and begin to make a change in my life. Is there a practical step a man can take to begin to become more of

who he truly is? I mean, there's many, I share a lot, but one of the main tools I love using and giving to me is called the filling wheel. And it's created by Gloria Wilcox. And so imagine like, what's called the wheel of fortune? Yes. So imagine this wheel with three tiers of emotions. So in the center, it's the four basic emotions like anger, sadness, what is it fear? I can't think of the other two.

But in the second tier, there's more emotions that you aren't expressing because you only used to expressing your core emotions. Then you got the last tier, then those emotions are really what you're feeling. So I tell them to take a screenshot of saving image in your phone, so whenever you're feeling a certain way, you don't just say I'm mad or I'm upset or I'm sad. You dig deeper, I'm fearful, I'm intimidated.

And then now you can really start digging even deeper to why you're feeling this way. So it's it's it's a great tool that I love using. And then also when men want to become courageously transparent starting to embrace their vulnerability, I tell them to start running to situations or being around people that bring out non-masculine emotions. Very good advice. This could be an aging parent, someone at a nursing center or at a hospital, a young kid, you know, you could have been there visiting a friend of yours and you got close to a kid who has cancer. And you're scared to, you could tell the kid has an affinity for you, but you don't

want to build a relationship because of the pain you may experience if they don't live to see another month or so. I say embrace that, go down there, live from that longing to be there for that child. Make the best, give them the best opportunity to experience who you really are. Like with my mom or my dad, and we talked about the father on the other men

who are hurting because their dads are absent. I didn't hear my father tell me he loved me until I was 38. That didn't happen until life slowed him down. He had Parkinson's disease. In a nursing home, and we would go visit visit them and we didn't get close to after this I'm leaving. I'm getting ready to leave. I Kiss a month for you. I said, I love you dad. I'm about to go and then her guy said to me

He says the most I says Tell him how great of a daddy was I Like he wasn't great. Tell him. It's okay. Hey, dad, I just want to say, I want to thank you for being the best dad or the dad that I needed. Thank you.

Because in that, I was telling the truth. He was the dad that I needed to become who I am today. Man, when I turned around and walked away, I hear his sniffles and he started just crying. It's first time I see my dad cry. And I say, you okay, he said, no, I want to tell you something. He just told me he loves me.

That's the first time. First time. When I told him that, it freed him. It gave him an opportunity to be human and start sharing with me the side that he probably always wanted to share but couldn't because he had to be a man. His love was just providing, working all day from sun up to sun down in a barber shop. I'm thinking he didn't love me. He did, he just couldn't express it.

Oh my gosh, that's awesome. So as men, once we get healed, once we have opportunities and experience men like you and listen to your podcast and everything that you do to help men break free, humans break free, we're supposed to go back and help people and pull them in. So once we do that, I do that with everyone. And that's how a kid could come to me and say, he's terrible. He has all F's. And his add-to, I'm like, okay, okay, you're done.

Because I don't care about that. Because I understand there's a cause and effect to the reason everyone acts the way they do. No one is an eight-le-eval. He's not a bad boy. There's something going on inside of him and I prove them wrong every time. I love that.

I love that. When you talk, I think, you know, and I was thinking the reverse of that also is that, I'm gonna ask you one more question. We could go 150 hours because I'm loving this so much. I've caught myself leaning in towards you like about 50 times today. Oh, I'm getting out of much. I've caught myself leaning in towards you like about 50 times today. Oh my God, it is.

I am it. I am it. I'm just kidding. I want to get closer. Yes, oh man. You know, you always though, one thing to be aware of all people is you're also always making people feel something.

And since I'm a man and you're a man, as a man, just be aware of that. You're always making people feel something. It's good. And so be aware of what that feeling. You're always making people feel something. And so be aware of what that feeling is that you're making people feel. Most of us are oblivious to it as men. I think women are much more sensitive overall to how they're making other people feel. And as men we need to become more aware of that. The more I've become more aware of that, at least it loses some of its

power over me and I'm able to be a little bit more vulnerable and be the real me. The last thing I wanted to ask you about because I see this on you is peace. Because I've meet, I think the men that I meet, the people that I meet, they just want more peace in their life. And it's just a concept that's not talked about a whole lot, but when I see you and I talk with you, I'm in your presence,

I feel like you're experiencing more peace probably than you did I talk with you. I mean, your presence, I feel like you're experiencing more peace probably than you did say 20 years ago. So what about, what is peace to you? And am I right about that? That as you've made these changes, it's brought more peace into your life. Yeah, internally. So peace is not a place as a state of mind for me.

So I could be in the most chaotic situation, but staying calm in that place is true peace. I learned that through adversity. My daughter told you I was nowhere near like this. Even some days you'll get a little flustered and upset. Of course. But overall maintaining the stillness is the key. The only way you can do that is again stop running from what takes your peace. Go towards the same thing in martial

arts. The person I hate is sparring against. I had to learn to enjoy sparring against. So I wouldn't pick the easy guys. I would go to this guy that keeps beating me because I wouldn't need it to get, I would go to this guy that keeps beating me. Because I wouldn't need it to get over the fear of facing this person. My mom taking care of her with dementia. Very, I would be very anxious, couldn't sleep at night. My loss tremendous weight, my whole life changed. I wanted to make sure she was taking care of.

But to be able to maintain peace next to someone who will ask you the same questions 30 times in a minute, foot tapping, rubbing their chin a lot, that came from embracing adversity. We run from tough times, tough things. What do we say? Seek happiness. Anyone that takes your happiness away, get rid of them. I said, wait a minute. Every emotion is fleeting.

No one can be happy all the time. Anyone that makes you feel sorrow, get rid of them. Wait a minute. It is written that Godly sorrow brings forth change. So what's wrong with good sorrow? Meaning if I'm sad because of the way I talk to my wife, I was short to her today, I need to sit with that so that I can go apologize and reconcile.

I don't need to just brush that off because I want to be happy. So people want this illusion of peace, but don't want to do it, it takes to keep it at all times. You know, I talk about in battle cry, I created a system of meditation called Shalak, which in Hebrew means to cast away. So it's not good enough to learn how to meditate,

just sitting still, you know, you do this or whatever. This does me no good if I can just sit here. Ssshh. Ssshh. Ssshh. Sssh. Sssh. Sssh.

Sssh. And, breathe, it's fine here. Beaches beautiful. Mmm. What happens when I'm in a tough situation? Yeah, right. Someone draws a gun on me, which happened by the way, with eating draw gun, I was in a situation with my son,

and I had life with that. We just bought a building, and this is a good example of maintaining. I don't want to keep guys' long. I can see here and talk to you for a while. Go, please go. I want you to go. So we just purchased a building for our nonprofit and I took my son at basketball bar rooms

up at first. So I said, look, this is just super round. We had fun. We're leaving. I became comfortable with the area. Okay. I dropped my guard. Okay. I'm locking up and I hear a voice says to me, you know, say to me, someone's trying to kill me. So I'm, I have my, the key in the door and I look to my left and I see him on the cell phone so I draw my gun

because I'm licensed to carry. I say, who's trying to kill you? He says they're coming around the corner and I look at the suburban, gray and there's, and three guys are in there. My son is with me and I look at him, I get angry. So you're gonna bring them around me and my son. So I had to reset quickly, because if I don't maintain, I gotta get off that emotional roller coaster. So peace is saying, don't go there, get your son inside safely.

We hadn't changed the locks, so you don't go there, get your son inside safely. We hadn't changed the locks. So you don't have to like move a key a little bit just to get it just right and then turn it. I had to steal my soul that much to get the key to turn, get my son inside. So now I'm morphing between another emotion. I'm looking at my son's eyes. He's terrified.

I don't know if I'm seeing him again. So I had to dead that emotion and say son, go to the back of the building because if they did start shooting, you have a better chance at the back. I couldn't just run in with them because I've been through a lot of trauma. Guys come in and kick the door in. So I need to stop the threat. So he runs to the back of the building.

I get in and weaver stands, leggings, my truck. So I need to stop the threat. So he runs to the back of the building. I get and weaver stands, leg is my truck. And this is a bird but starts turning around. Then they do a U-turn and go the other way. The whole time I'm looking at this guy on the phone and I'm thinking, so being able to maintain this peace during this allowed me to look at all the scenarios like Dr. Strange and the Avengers

when he had to figure out the best scenario To basically the only way they could win and it was to give down on the stone would seem like a ale, but it wasn't For me I could have I would have Like spent a slave to my emotions in that moment. I would have started shooting instantly Yes, but because I stayed my soul was under control, I started thinking like, wait a minute. Who stays on the cell phone when people are trying to come kill you? This is not adding up. Then the boy starts running in the direction of the suburban.

That's when I put two and two together. They were trying to car-jack me. Traction. I had a nice, you kind out front, new in the neighborhood. Now, this is key and I want to end on this so you can see some closure, how we maintain the peace. So as men, I know men can tell stories like that all the time. That's a crazy story. That's a crazy story. Who were in the military.

They can tell me some serious stories. This is where we get in trouble as men. So at that moment we're good. I get my son out, I go home and I sit on the couch and my wife says, it doesn't seem like you're doing well. I said, I'm not, I need to release. And my eyes start warding and now I allow my body to release all of those fearful thoughts. I thought I was going to, I didn't know. I didn't have three magazines with me.

I had one gun, one clip. And she said, everything's okay. I said one gun, one clip. And she said, everything's okay. I said, I need to release. Just give me a moment. That's how we maintain peace. We reflect, release so that we can reset. Then we rest.

I call it the four hours. Okay. Once a man can do that, you can make, or woman, you can maintain this. Should you give me the four hours one more time? Reflect, release, reset, then you can rest. Okay. And so once we allow ourselves to release it,

I could have held it in and say, it was cool, I know big deal, quite handled it, it was straight. Now I'm snapping at a guy blowing the horn at it. You got it. You see? I had to release the anger, the fear of just losing my son,

the fact like man, I got to, you know, I dropped my guard out. It was time to say the point. It was a crazy story. Yes, crazy. But I had to release it. I had to release it or I would have never been able to reset. I think you're incredible.

I think you're incredible. I wanted to meet you so badly and I'm so grateful that we did and I'm so grateful this is what we talked about. It's a heavy conversation. I'm glad Alexis was here too to shed some light on you and how you've changed and improved. I think you make a huge difference in the world and I have this very strong feeling that this is the very beginning. I think you and I are going to do some things together. We talked about that and I think we're kindred spirits and I am very grateful that you

exist and I'm grateful that you came all this way and drove so long to be here with me today as well. When I was in the car you know she Lexus falls asleep instantly in the car so I'm by myself so I had time to meditate again Shilok casting away everything as I'm getting here. Like why am I going way here to meet someone? And it's bigger than this interview. Yes. And so, you know, filling is mutual.

I'm glad to come and be in your presence. And I definitely feel that, definitely we can do some things together. We will. Thank you. Thank you. Everybody gotta get Battle Cry. You get this book, pre-order it right now.

And if you're watching it later than this, just go get it, go to Amazon, get it, battle cry. This is Jason Wilson, and this was an incredible show. Thank you, my man. This was awesome. If you feel strongly about that, share that with anybody that you love and care about. Did you think this could value?

If there's a man in your life, a young man, a grown man that should hear this conversation, share it with him, or maybe like I said in the beginning, that you're a woman listening to this, and it'll help you understand and help us, help ourselves as well. So please do that. God bless you all and max out.

This is The End My Let's Show. you