THE ED MYLETT SHOW - The Secret to Winning in Life: Playing Hurt and Leading Strong! Feat. Deion Sanders

Episode Date: December 21, 2024

Do You Have What It Takes to Win When Life Plays Rough? In this electrifying mashup episode, I’m joined by an all-star lineup of thought leaders and game-changers, including Deion Sanders, Tim Grover, Trent Shelton, Dr. Taryn Marie, and Garrain Jones. Together, we explore the true essence of resilience, leadership, and the mindset required to play hurt and still dominate both on and off the field. Coach Prime, Deion Sanders, shares his hard-earned wisdom on leading with purpose and playing through pain—not just on the field, but in life. His philosophy of “never having a bad day, only bad moments” is a masterclass in turning adversity into strength. Tim Grover, who’s coached legends like Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant, delves into the obsession and preparation required to win relentlessly. He reminds us that the road to paradise starts in hell, and only those willing to endure can truly claim greatness. Trent Shelton opens up about his journey of facing life’s toughest challenges, including his mother’s battle with cancer, and how he transformed personal pain into a mission of global impact. Dr. Taryn Marie reveals the power of rewriting your narrative, teaching us how healing is our responsibility, even when the pain isn’t our fault. And Garrain Jones reminds us that returning to our childlike authenticity can unlock a joy and freedom that fuels transformation. Key Takeaways: - Playing Hurt: Deion Sanders on how resilience and preparation allow us to thrive despite setbacks. - Winning Habits: Tim Grover’s insights into the relentless discipline of the world’s greatest athletes. - Own Your Pain: Trent Shelton’s powerful testimony about finding purpose in adversity. - Rewrite Your Story: Dr. Taryn Marie on how changing your narrative can reshape your life. - Rediscover Joy: Garrain Jones encourages us to reconnect with our authentic selves to find fulfillment. Winning isn’t easy, and it’s not always glamorous. But as we uncover in this episode, the real victories come when you embrace the struggle, stay the course, and refuse to quit. These conversations aren’t just lessons—they’re the playbook for building an unbreakable mindset and achieving the greatness you were born for. Join us and step into the arena—you’re closer to your breakthrough than you think. Thank you for watching this video—Please Share it and get the word out! What part of this video resonated with you the most? Comment below! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

So hey guys, listen, we're all trying to get more productive and the question is how do you find a way to get an edge? I'm a big believer that if you're getting mentoring or you're in an environment that causes growth, a growth-based environment, that you're much more likely to grow and you're going to grow faster and that's why I love Growth Day. Growth Day is an app that my friend Brendan Burchard has created that I'm a big fan of. Write this down growthday.com forward slash ed. So if you want to be more productive, by the way, he's asked me, I post videos in there every single Monday that gets your day off to the right start. He's got about 5,000, $10,000 worth of courses that are in there that come with

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to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. This is the Ed Mylet Show. Hey everyone, welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show. Be sure to follow the Ed Mylet Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. So my guest today really doesn't need an introduction, but I'm gonna give him one.

And I think he's the most feared football coach by other coaches on planet earth today. Maybe, maybe, maybe in the history of college football, nobody wants to mess with this dude or play against him. Coach Prime Deion Sanders. Welcome to the show, my friend. Thank you for being here. And I love that introduction. I'm going to, we're recording this, so I'm going to wake up every morning. This is how I'm going to wake up every morning. I'm going, we're recording this. So I'm gonna wake up every morning. This is how I'm gonna wake up every morning. I'm gonna just play that intro.

What I want everybody to listen to today while Coach is talking, he's gonna say a bunch of things that are gonna be life-changing that you remember. And obviously he has a way of speaking that hits you, like hits you in the chest. But I want you to be studying his mindset. There's millions of people listening to this. Just study this man's mindset.

Obviously it's backed by his faith. Something about you that I didn't realize, well, I watched Coach Prime on Amazon and then I went back and researched you. And here's what I find that separate. There's a lot of things that separate like the greatest from like the pretty goods, right? And one of them is your ability to play hurt. Like even this interview today, I'm not physically hurt,

but I got some stuff going on in my life that could distract me today. You know what I mean? And like I gotta be able to brush that aside and laser in because I get to interview and talk to a legend today. And I think you experienced this even with the men on your team. Like I watched the game, you're like injuries different than hurt. Can you play hurt? This man, by the way, you probably don't remember this coach, but he played an entire NFL season and a part of a baseball season with a bronchial infection

that could have like sidelined a bunch of people. Like he was hurt basically breathing wise, an entire NFL and baseball season. And then in this, now he's coaching, kind of limping around a whole bunch and still in some discomfort do you think that's a separator people's ability to play hurt as opposed to just play when everything's perfect in life true well first and foremost everything is never gonna be perfect aren't we all playing

hurt see you you you related to a game I'm relating it to life because I want you to win on and off the field. Aren't we all hurt? Somebody's going through divorce. Somebody's having financial problems. Somebody got received terrible news from the doctors. Some somebody, uh, the, the, the cubicle you work in, the lady sitting right next to you don't like you mistreating you badly, uh, and you're not performing

at work because of the discomfort. My morning message was said we can't win today if we don't focus on today. Focus on your now and give it everything you have inside to make it successful. It's it's too easy to distract you and to get you out of your character. It's time for you to huddle up with yourself, call your play and execute. That was my warning message. I sat down in this chair this morning, that's what God gave me, typed it up and I put it out. That was the message. We're all playing heard. Like the first chapter, even if you broke, keep it moving. When life knocks you down, get back up. The strongest steel is forged in the hottest fire. Nobody is living a perfect life.

You're not the only one facing problems, but show each other compassion. Lift each other up and show compassion tremendously. Take care of yourself physically and don't ignore mental health. That's like the first chapter. That's how we come out the gate. You come out of the gate morning with a routine. Yeah, we all are, but some of us have developed like habits and rituals and routines. Like to me, the separator is not what you do on the days you're feeling greater or motivated. What are you doing on the days you don't, right?

And for me, and this is in the book too, like I've got some routines that kind of keep me on track, my habits, because under pressure, you know this as a player too, like under pressure, you relate and reflects back to your habits or your lack of habits, right? That's right. Do you do anything? Do you have a routine in the morning or in your day that kind of like dials you in for you to be ready to take everything on?

Everybody knows, don't mess with me in the morning. They'll come in my office in the morning, don't speak until I speak to you in the morning, because that's my time with the Lord. That's my time where I'm kind of in this sanctuary called my office and I'm getting myself together. You know, I'm going through the thoughts from yesterday, getting ready with the thoughts from today and really devising a plan intellectually to go out there and dominate today. So I don't like, don't, don't disrupt that piece. Don't call me with no foolishness. Don't tell me no foolishness. I don't want to have anything to come inside because usually usually when what comes inside, it manifests outside. You return it.

And I don't, I don't like that. So I do have a routine and it's not a ritual, it's like a routine of peace. And everybody knows me, I don't play about my peace. I couldn't seduce it, I couldn't purchase it, I couldn't manipulate it. God had to give that to me and I earned it. So I don't play about my peace. Anything that comes between me and my peace, it has to go.

So that's kind of my routine to just start with peace. And another thing, I don't allow myself to have a bad day. I could have a bad moment. I could have a bad minute. I could even have a bad hour, but never a bad day. I'm not going to let it get to that point. You know why? Because I got the direct remote control of life to me.

I could turn me up. I could turn me down. I could add some color to it. I could do anything I want with this remote control that to me. I could turn me up. I could turn me down. I could add some color to it. I could do anything I want with this remote control that controls me. And I'm too old and bold not to know me at that. I'm 56 years old, man. I know everything about me. I know it's going to make me mad. I know it's going to make me happy. I know it's going to make me smile. I know it's going to get on my nerves. I know me. I've been introduced myself to me and I know me in its totality.

It is nothing that can happen in life that will catch me off guard. I dealt with deaths, I dealt with misfortunes, I dealt with lying, cheating, stealing, manipulation, I dealt with all of it. And that's why I'm comprised to lead these darn young men into a life that they pray about, in the life that they desire.

That's why God has called me, Collector, to lead these young men. And I that they pray about in the life that they desire. That's why God has called me collectively, these young men. And I love the calling. Yeah. I watch you. I'm saying this is a man who stepped into his next calling. Like you've had multiple callings in your life, right? I just watched this. I'm like, it's obviously the God, the Lord's had his hand on you all your life kind of preparing you for like this moment. It almost, and what's interesting, anybody listening to this, he's doing the same for you. You just need to be aware of it. This moment you're in listening to this or watching this you've been preparing for this moment all your life. Every letdown, every victory,

everything you've learned, every lesson, every mistake you've made prepares you for this moment right now if you're aware of it right if you accept that awesome god you're awesome you're saying it but a lot of people can't see it and can't identify with it and another thing that people don't want to do they don't want to cut their umbilical cords you don't want to cut the umbilical it's something that's holding on to you and keeping you back where you're giving oxygen to and you're keeping it alive, but you don't want to cut that ability of course, so it can have life and you can too. Because sometimes you got to cut some stuff off in life. Sometimes you got to separate yourself in life.

Sometimes you got to, you know, go up in the mountains and just say la and just, just get it and internalize it and then come out with the plan and let's go get it. Like, oftentimes you don't wanna do that because you're comfortable. I'm good with being uncomfortable. I'm great with being uncomfortable. Like I never, you know, I was in a press conference this year. I remember one time I was rolling, I was flowing.

I said, don't let me get comfortable. You're about to let me get comfortable, but I'm better being uncomfortable. And I make people uncomfortable. Yeah and I make people uncomfortable. Yeah you make people uncomfortable. Yeah you think that's part of being a leader coach is the ability to believe in people and love on them same time there's that little thing where they're a little uncomfortable around you you know that you know what I mean that little

thing like you believe in someone you love them you know they got that but they're a little uncomfortable too. Leaders make decisions that sometimes it may not be popular. Leaders understand communication as well and use that as an asset, an advantage point also. Let me give you one other thing. Leaders gotta be clear and concise. And I'm always clear and concise with what I want, how I'm gonna do it, and this time I'm gonna get it done. Now you may not agree with it but that's how it's

gonna be and I'm not looking for your check mark or your approval to move on to take the next step up to go from glory to glory or go to have a height. I don't need your okays, your hand flaps and your pats on. I don't need that. When I'm listening to you and then reading the book by the way it's called Elevate and Dominate guys I think I've said that 14 times already but make sure you'll get this. When I listen to you but when I read the book I got something I've had this thing I've said my best friends in my life they toe this line and it's really nuanced and it's not easy and the line they tow is they have a ton of confidence combined

with a bunch of humility. And then I'm reading the book and you literally talk about this in the book. Yeah, but you talk about this in the book like, like people with a ton of confidence with no humility, they eventually make a mistake, burn out, don't have that thing where they're self-correct or they're self-aware. Then I got these other friends, they've got tons of humility, but no confidence. So you're constantly dragging them through life, right? Come on, stand up, let's go. You keep picking them up. You talk about it.

Do you feel like that's something you have or people that you're attracted to, coaches you wanna have around you, have that kind of nuance of those two things? Yeah, I got a quote on my wall around here somewhere. It says don't allow my confidence to offend your insecurity. That again, don't allow my confidence to offend your insecurity. It's a way that you can be confident, but not arrogant, not obnoxious, not abrasive.

It's just confidence. And that you know that you know that you know that you've been through this. You've been in that moment already. You've been through that trial. You've been through that challenge. You've been through that situation. That's why you glean the confidence that you're going to make it through. Because you've already lived that, you've already internalized that, you've already seen it, you've already done

it. So that's why you walk with that confidence. When I played the game, I prepared so darn much. I saw Jerry Rice when I woke up, when I went to bed, I knew when he lined up on the left side of the line and he put his outside foot up, he was running the inside route. It wasn't that I was great. I've studied and I prepared. So I was confident in jumping it to make that play because I was prepared and confidence is escalated by preparation. How can you be confident in you're not prepared?

Yeah. I can you become when you don't have knowledge on subject is hard. The best test that I've ever mastered in school, I studied and prepared my butt off. So I was confident that I was going to pass and be successful in that test and make an A or B plus or whatever. I had no thought process of that. Yeah, he has this chapter in the book.

I want you to get the book and read it, but he basically says, make confidence your natural odor. You just need to read this chapter you guys on confidence. It's really, by the way, I want you to get the book and read it, but he basically says, make confidence your natural odor. You just need to read this chapter you guys, on confidence. It's really, by the way, I read this book like this, like I got it late and I read it like this. There's another thing I want to ask you about because I never really, I've heard these terms, I don't even know the distinction between them. The next chapter in the book he says, are you a leader or a dog? And this applies to life not just football what's

the difference between a leader and a dog? See coaching you normally see the C on the chest and captains I reserved that for the military I reserved that for the police force and all that and I have a heck of a respect I don't think it should be a guy with a C on his chest as captain, especially now in the NFL. You got a quarterback that has a C on his chest. Now he's leaving because he wants to get paid more for another team. So how can your captain abort the ship and abort the plan? I don't like that. I have leaders and I have dogs. Every leader ain't a dog and every dog ain't a leader. I don't expect the dog to be the leader. And I don't expect the leader to be the dog. I expect you to be you. And just because you walk in the front and just because you talk the loudest and just because you make the most money, that don't make you a leader.

A leader is that thing that you have that's infectious, that makes people want to follow you, that makes people want to listen to you, It makes people want to read your books that make people want to just just find out more about you and Google you that that's that thing that you have that you don't have to walk in the front. You don't have to because when I played the game believe it or not I never made speeches to my teams I played for I never called everybody up and say okay this is what we gonna, I never did that. I led through action and I led through consistency. I didn't lead vocally.

I led to action and consistency because you gotta understand, I was coming in football late because I was playing baseball. In baseball, I was one of the young guys because baseball players go up to age 40. I was still a young pup in most of the teams that I played for and playing two sports. So I wasn't there the full time as well.

So I was never the guy that they would have put a C on his chest, but I was a leader. But the dog is that the eight person that that you never mistake a dog for a cat. You never mistake a dog for a person who won't swing first. You know, that dog is that guy who's gonna swing first. Yeah, he gonna have a one foot back up, she gonna take her earrings off, and you know, she gonna put Vaseline on her face, and you know, she ready.

She brought some tennis shoes, they said, you can get the grip, she gonna take off the heel. Like, that's the dog that he's ready to get down no matter what. He's a dog. And, and life, you got to be both, man. And sometimes you got to be both. Sometimes when you call a meeting with your staff, not only you got to be a

leader, but sometimes you got to be a dog. And some of us are equipped with being able to hit a switch and to be both, but some people are not, but you got to know who you are at this age and stage in your life. It would be, you would be a fool not to understand who you are. I think I have a year of eligibility left. I don't know how many 52 year olds you're signing, but I would love, I probably still play strong safety or something.

I would, I would rather do a damn wall right now. What is a, uh, but I just, I, I got to tell you, like there's such substance to the book. Like he's obviously like this amazing communicator, but man that's a separator in life. It's like, you can say all these pretty things, but at some point you got to walk it too. Right? Like you got to walk the walk as a leader. Right. And you think your kids pick up on this with you, not just like, obviously you walk in a room, you got cachet, you're the go.

Right? So there, there's something to that. Like this is coach prime and I mean, my God, you get a chance to be around the greatest of all time at something. But I got to think after like a month or two, you're the coach. Like they got to see you currently walking some type of a walk as a leader. And I feel like a lot of leaders, even parents, like, well, at one time I did this,

so you should just learn everything I say now, right? But I think you have to be relevant in your leadership currently as well, right? Would you feel that way for you? 100% correct, 100% correct. Because what I did is what I did. Today's kids are more into the now like everything they're looking at on social media deals with the now. They may recollect and go through your page

and see what you did yesterday but they're only looking at that to establish the consistency. Are you that guy now that you were yesterday and the day before? So now that you were yesterday and the day before. So what people are looking for is reality, because we have such a fake and a false world that everybody could go purchase what they want to look like they want, to feel like they want, to be who they want. Everybody could go purchase that now and everybody is attracted to authenticity, whether they believe it or not, and everybody is opposed to authenticity, whether they believe it or not.

And everybody is opposed to authenticity, whether they want it or not. Because the most successful music acts or celebrities that can sing or rap or whatever, they're authentic. We feel like we know them, like we can touch them and they allow us to know that they've made mistakes. Nobody's looking for Mr. or Mrs. Perfect anymore. They're looking for flawed people that will stand up and say, you know what, I did that, man. That was me. Okay, that was me. I did that. I messed that up. But guess what? Guess what I learned from that mistake. Oh my God. Thank God that happened to me because I would never take that left again.

I'm just going to stay right. So if it wasn't for that left, I wouldn't even know what the right, I love the hate. You know why I'm attracted to the hate? Because if it wasn't for the hate, and I wouldn't know what love feels like. I wouldn't know what love looks like. I wouldn't know what love was about if I didn't receive the hate because I know that ain't love. So this has to be. Wow.

When you get hate coach, do you ever, because you do get it, you're lightning rod for it. You even had another coach this year say some stuff that you leveraged it really well though. We won't go on all that stuff that happened. Boy, I was watching you the week of that game. I'm like, oh thank God you won that game too, but like I remember the week of that game going, oh boy this dude made a huge mistake saying this stuff about coach prime and his mom Do you ever though look at that and distinguish hate from like

Valid criticism. Do you do you ever listen to somebody that's being critical? You go? Hey any of this apply to me do I need to make a change here? Is that valid? Do you allow that to guide you at all or no why would i listen to my critics when my critics have critics i'm gonna listen to a critic who has a line of critics ain't no way because some of those people because some of those people are criticizing you to just get your attention. The last thing I heard about attention that you had to pay it, you got to pay attention. So that's a fee that's going to cost.

So if you're not going to pay that cost for my attention, I'm not going to give it to you because my attention a free. My attention a free air. My attention ain't free. My attention ain't free. You're gonna have to pay. You're gonna have to pay attention. Every time I do an interview, when I do an interview coach I always go that'll make a good Instagram clip. We've had like 11 of these already. Like in a good interview you get like one you're like that's gonna be the clip. I don't even know what clip I'm gonna use in this thing right now. It's so damn good. What about your faith? Before the interview gets too far away, I like want to ask you about your faith. Like I watched you as a player. I feel like

there's just some point in your career and I don't I'd like you to talk about when it was or what it how it was. I mean it certainly seems deeper to me now. Yeah it is because I will. Yeah that's why I tell people to be careful who you have to have as a role model because most of us were models just playing a role. I'm just giving you the picture that you that you wanted to see because it's really not me. I'm not prime time I'm not Prime Time, I'm Dion. You don't care about Dion because you care about Prime. So I got to give you Prime. But the thing about it, both of them has an expiration date. And it's not, they don't equate to one of

them. They're not going to die at the same time. One is going to die, the persona is going to die much quicker than the person. So what you're trying to kill is the persona because you don't really know the person. And I got lost trying to satisfy you all with the persona. And I began to be suicidal. I mean, I'm on the top of my game, on the top of the world, several different commercials.

And how in the world can I be suicidal? How in the world can I be so in the world can I not want to be here? Well, I was going through a tremendous divorce and my kids were stripped away from me and those are the only two people that I felt like loved me and my whole life because it was genuine. Like these are my kids. They came from me. I know they love me because I know you don't. I know you don't. I know you don't. You love what I'm capable of doing for you, but you don't love me. You know why you don't love me? Cause you don't know me. And let me go through this soliloquy so you understand right where we were,

right? Where I was parked at the time. I'm in a 15,000 square foot house, but never feeling at home. I have hundreds and hundreds of suits, but I can't cover up the pain. I got 500 or more pair of shoes, but I can't take a step in the right direction. Several cars parked in the driveway, exotic from old 64 Chevys, but I ain't going nowhere. You mean I'm sleeping in between two and three women, but nobody is satisfied. And I'm sleeping on a five to $10,000 bed, but I ain't getting no rest. So you're going through all these emotions and all these challenges and you're just not

happy like I'm three for four and I'm still going to commit suicide after the game. So all this stuff came to a head where I finally had to get on my knees and say, Lord, it take me man. I can't do this no more. I can't, I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't stand it. I can't stand the life. And it's not that I've never smoked in my life. I've never been high and never drank, never tasted alcohol, stopped using profanity when I was 19 years old. So it wasn't those vices, it was other vices, but it wasn't those vices, but I just didn't have peace and I didn't have joy. And I knew God was calling me, but I didn't

want to be hypocritical because I despise that someone saying that is it not this. I despise that. So I was trying to clean up before I go to the Lord. It ain't no way you could clean up before you go to the Lord. You got to go to the Lord to get clean. I didn't know that. I didn't understand that. So finally, you know, I had to go into hell and child and child and tribulation and attempting to commit suicide. I had to surrender and give it all to him. That was the place. But you know what broke me? What almost broke me and hurt me?

That when I came out and told the world about this is what I was going through, this is what I was dealing with, they didn't believe me. I'm like, so you think I'm going to tell you all this, what's the game? I already got money. So what am I gaining? Like game? I already got money. So what am I gaining? Like what, I already got fame. What am I gaining to tell you that I've accepted the Lord? I'm tired, I was broken.

What am I gaining? And I wish somebody would have told me that my most critical people would have come from inside, not outside. The church folks, that was my most critical persons, not the sinners. The sinners was like, hey man, God bless you man. Tell me how you did it. Tell me how you stopped that Lamborghini from going 200. Tell me how you slowed everything down. It's like, yeah, the

church folks was like, oh, ain't no way in the world he could do that. So no, no, what you folks are like, oh, ain't no way in the world he could do that. So no, no, what you're doing is talking to yourself. You telling them that if you had all these things that you can do it, because you're saying I can't, because you're thinking about the things, because the things had me, I didn't have them. Wow.

Brother, I love you, man. That's one of my favorite, that's like, I've done 600 episodes. That's one of my most treasured moments ever of doing this show right there. You're a good man. Thank you. Wow. You're most qualified in life to help the person or people you used to be. And that's why that's so profound because so many people... Now hold on, hold on, say it again because that's profound. I've never heard that. Say that again, please. You're most qualified in life to help the person or people you used to be. Wow.

That explains why I'm passionate from the people that are broken, that have done this, that have done that, they may say people dislike them, disown them, you know, ridicule them. That's why I'm attracted to those type of people to help. Yep. To help.

I just picked up a blue thing on the street the other day, just walking in the backpack, it was snowing. I'm like, my brother, get in. What's wrong with you? It's five degrees what is wrong with you? He's like coach Frank? Hey man I got time for that right now where you need to go? Where do you need to go? I mean that's yeah that. That's beautiful yeah yeah me too I always wondered why am I so called to this work and it's not even something I came up with Someone said it to me a while back and I'm like, you just explained me to me maybe for the first time.

I get it now. I got this thing on my heart where I wanna, you know, I was broken. I'm still broken, but I'm a little less broken. You know, and so I wanna help broken people. You know, I want people, I didn't have hope at one time. I wanna give people hope. I wasn't always inspired.

I know what it's like to be a liar and live the wrong way. And I, you know, I want to help people who are doing that. And anyway, I just, I watch you and I understand why the people close to you have such reverence, like Constance, our mutual friend. She's told me for years, like, I wish you knew this man. He reminds me of you, number one, but number two, his heart is so good.

And I'm getting that now. Like, I'm really grateful that I'm getting a chance to I mean everybody gets to listen in on me talking to you for an hour what I feel like right now and yeah you're you're you're good man thinking saying I won't go through a couple more things because you're so loaded with gold we don't have too much more time I'll get about 15 minutes but it's weird that you say this because I've said this term forever always ask when I go talk to teams, I'll say who's the rabbit on this team? Who's the rabbit? What I mean by that person, when I say it, you say a little bit different, but what I mean by that is on every team, it's a company or

sports team, there's a rabbit. It's the person who sets the pace. It's the person that everyone's chasing their effort. Everybody, I know I can tell you right now, I'm a college baseman when I played, I know exactly who our rabbit was, is our little second baseman, Trini Ruiz, shortest dude on the team, five, six, just outworked everybody. Every time I'd show up early, this dude was there before me.

I'd leave BP an hour after everybody else, Frick, Trini's walking back in the batting cage. You know what I mean? He was the rabbit. And you talk in life, and in life about having, what's your rabbit? I love the way you say this. So what's it mean for you?

First of all, I'm from Florida. So we had dog tracks growing up in Florida. And if you ever been to a dog track, these beautiful grayhound, beautiful lean, you can see their muscles. They in the shoots and they let them out. And it's a rabbit that runs around the inside of that rail. They never catch the rabbit. But the rabbit is the gold. The rabbit is something that's chasing. And I'm asking you, what's your rabbit? Because we're all chasing something, man, whether

it's popularity, whether it's love, whether it's reconciliation, whether it's finances, we're all chasing something. And when I say, what's, what's your rabbit? I'm sitting up there saying, this helps us discover our why. Because when I meet these young men for the first time and we're recruiting them, they think they're recruiting me, but I'm recruiting them, you know, you can you fit with us? What's your why?

I need to know your why you're rabbit. And some of them can't understand that or can't reconcile what I'm saying. And it's that thing that keeps going to get you up in the morning. See, I was seven years old. And I told my mom, I was gonna be rich. I was gonna make a lot of money. And you're never gonna have to work another day of your life. She said, Yeah, okay, until they go get the lawn mower, go out there, cut the grass. I say, cool. I got you. That's how my mama get down. That's who she was.

True story. But that was my rabbit. My mama never saw me play a football game, a baseball game or basketball game in high school because she was working. She worked. She worked the night shift. She worked. She never. Now, she saw me play peewee ball because it was on Saturdays, but she never saw me play throughout high school. So she reading the papers and this guy's doing this. College is getting that.

I said, Mom, what do you think I should do about college? She said, I don't give a damn where you're going. You're getting up out of here. You're getting about here. I don't care where you go. You're getting up out of here. So I'm like, I can't let this continue. And she having this life ends never met. They never really saw each other.

And I could do better. I could do better. I could help her. And that was my rabbit, man. So I never stopped to this day. My mother has not worked since 1989 when I signed the dotted line for the land of buckets. And she would never ever work another day of her life because

that was my rabbit and that's still my rabbit. My mother lives with me like so every time I go home and see her like it's my rabbit. I'm still chasing that no trying to catch it making sure I fulfill my promise when I say she's never gonna have to work another day of life. That's my rabbit. That of life. That's my rabbit.

That's it. That's my rabbit. Yeah. Sad way to go through life. If you don't have a rabbit, you know, gotta have a rabbit, man. It's got to be something that, yeah. And you got to see it. Don't, don't say, Oh, I want to be the president.

You got to be able at least to see it. Don't just fantasize. That's a fantasy. I'm just talking about the rabbit. See the rabbit in the dog track. They, they, they may not have been able to smell it. They can see it. They can see it. You gotta be able to see it, man. What a huge point. Oh my gosh, because people get these big huge dreams.

I'm like, you probably should just catch your next rabbit, right? That's the one thing on the dog track. They do keep it pretty close to the dogs. It's not so far in front of them that the dog thinks they can't catch it. They can't attain it. It's not that far out that you can't attain it. It goes steadily and slowly that you could almost grasp it. That's why they put the muzzles on because they're scared that somebody's going to catch it. Somebody's going to catch it. So let me just cover your face up with a muzzle just in case you catch it and

bite it. And I don't want that to that. I just want you to catch that rabbit. I've always wondered, I'm just sitting here going, my gosh, this is so good. Like I wish we could do like nine hours of this. Like I'm blown away by how good this is. So last year our family sat around like many families do. And we were looking at all these old pictures in our lives. And a lot of them got degraded, they were wrinkled, it kind of sucked, you know. And so I found a company that I really believe in because I think the holidays are all about connecting with loved ones.

So I love Aura Frames. Here's what they do. They help you send a digital picture from you to your friends or family. It's easy. What you do is you upload your favorite picture of the family to one frame and you relive all those happy moments again. This year I'm really looking forward I'm giving my mom a bunch of pictures of my mom when she was dating my dad and they're coming in this digital frame. It's just super cool. It's personal gifts. It's a brilliant idea and it's like the best framing you could possibly do. The best way to give a gift. So give your best gift this holiday season. Save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $35 off Aura's best selling

Carver Mat Frames by using my promo code MyLetT. My-L-E-T-T at checkout. That's A-U-R-A-Frames.com promo code MyLetT. This deal is exclusive to listeners so get yours now and time for the holidays. Terms and conditions apply. Hey you guys so I don't know if you're like me but seriously this year for the holidays I have been struggling with finding a cool gift and if you're somebody who gives cool gifts It's like everyone kind of expects it right and so this year I am gonna do the gift of story worth And let me tell you how it works, you know for me I want to give a gift to my loved ones that makes them feel special and unique

You know like the relationship that we have and so I'm giving everybody this year and my family and my close friends story worth It's actually what I'm doing. And so I'm super thrilled to tell you about them. Here's how it works. Each week Story Worth emails your loved ones a thought provoking question that you can help pick and Story Worth makes the writing process a breeze. All your loved one needs to do is respond with that email to the story. After that year of fun, Story Worth compiles all of your loved one's stories and photos into a beautiful keepsake hardcover book.

With Story Worth, I'm giving those I love the most a thoughtful personal gift from the heart and preserving memories and stories for years to come. Go to storyworth.com slash my let and save $10 on your first purchase. That's storyworth.com slash my let to save $10 on your first purchase. Very short intermission here folks, I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now on to our next guest.

Tim Grover, welcome back to the show, brother. Thank you so much. You, you ever work with them? Just curious. I've never asked you this even privately. So let's take Kobe and Jordan, the two physically phenomenally gifted dudes mixed with all the things that you have in the book about winning. Like if you want to think like Kobe Bryant and what Tim Groover did,

we're gonna read the book. If you want to think like MJ and the things that you learned from MJ and then that you took to another level, read the book, right? Did you ever work with a guy, don't say who, I know you wouldn't, but did you ever work with someone as physically gifted as either one of the two of them that just lacked these things and so as a result we don't know who they are? Numerous. Really? As physically gifted? Even more. Wow. Even more. as either one of the two of them that just lacked these things and so as a result we don't know who they are? Numerous.

Really? As physically gifted? Even more. Wow. Even more. They were by far not my most physically gifted athletes. I work with athletes that were jumped higher than MJ, who ran faster, who had better footwork than Kobe, but they... Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant were not the two most physically gifted athletes you've worked with.

No. Whoa. Okay. And then so when you would work with these guys and you'd be pushing them in training, there was a different resistance or fatigue or how was it different? You know what, Ed, how many times have you had people come up to you and says, I'll do anything to get where you're at? Right.

All the time. Or I'll do anything to work for you until you tell them what your definition of anything is. Your definition of anything is different than my definition of anything. I'll have an athlete, it's very simple, when I first start with them when I was training numerous, so what time's the first work I'd say 3 30. I'll be like, okay. It's 3.30 a.m. A.M. I wouldn't tell them a.m. or p.m. Tell them 3.30.

Okay. So we're, myself, my staff, we're sitting at waiting cause you know, winning doesn't sleep and it doesn't understand why you, why you do. That's awesome. So then we come back at, we back, they roll in the gym, about 3, 3.30, like what are you doing here? They're like, you said 3.30.

No, no. I said, you got the wrong time. And I said, when does a new day start? And they look at me and goes, I said, no, the new day starts at 12 midnight. That's right. That's a new day. All right.

What are you waiting for? And even if you tell them, hey, MJ did this, Kobe did this, if they don't have it, they don't have it. They don't have it. Do you think it's a lack of obsession? Like, you said, you've referenced a couple of times, like, sleep at night, your bed doesn't sleep and all that. One of the things that, I'll be honest with you, there's a lot in the book that hit me.

You guys go get the book. Winning Tim Grover, real simple. Get it anywhere books are sold. But there's this part of the book, man, it almost made me cry audibly reading it, but I did get water in my eyes, and I'm going to get water even explaining it to you, where you're talking about being asleep and that you get these visitors at night. And I know those visitors very, very well. I have them too.

It's attached to my obsessions. And I don't think the average person who wants to really win understands the extent and degree of obsession required. They don't. So can you elaborate on that visitors that you get at night? Everybody thinks obsession is a bad word.

It's not. I love to use the people like, you're a great example. Ed, why? Why keep going? Look at the house. Not only this house, the other house, and the other house, and the plane. And if people pay very close attention to what was just said, probably about 20 minutes ago, what did you say?

I don't consider myself a winner. That's obsession. That's obsession. And I love to use your plane story as an example. You went from a very nice size plane to even a bigger plane, but it's still not your 747. That's right.

That's true. Not your 747. All right, that's an obsession. That's a healthy obsession. That's what gets you out of bed. That's what allows you to to when you get out of bed with all the skeletons are Lined up next to you and telling you you can't do this. You're not able to do this

You're not able to do this you get up every single morning and you shake their hands and give them a hug and say Yep, what you got for me tonight exactly. I got you say, what you got for me tonight? Exactly. I got you. Because you're a part of me. You're a part of me. And people put some, it's funny, winners bring all of them wherever they go.

And most individuals, the best part of them, the thing that allows them to win, the thing that allows them to be obsessive, the thing that allows them not win, the thing that allows them to be obsessive, the thing that allows them not to care what other people think, the things that allow them to deal with hatred, the things that keep them going when nothing else will, they keep in their closets.

The best part of them, they keep in there because they're worried, what are people going to think about me if I let those things out? Don't, I always say this, alright, you know, everyone says I'm afraid to become that person. You should be more afraid not to become that person. Be afraid not to become that person. Be afraid not to become that person. You're a big thing about, you know,

meet, I wanna, at the end of the journey, I wanna meet my better half and say, hey, what did you leave behind? Or I was like, hey, this is the person. Shake hands with him. Shake hands with him. If you can't become that person, you're never gonna be able to shake that person's hand. Yeah, I'd much rather, I live in more fear of,

I live in way more fear of not becoming that person than I am about not trying to be him big time. But I do have, I want to stay on this for a minute, I get these visitors at night too that you get. So, I don't want people to think that winning is all like, rosy and glory and beautiful. It's nothing. It's really not. And I'm not even, you have to know this, here's the real, never said this on the show. You have to really know these truths

so that you can actually decide you still want to win. Yes. Right? Because what does come with becoming this way now at 50 and you're 56 or 56. You look great. I've had 50 years of having these visitors in my life. And they're not going away. They're not, that's what everybody wants to do. The people just want to sweep them under the rug. They want to keep them in the closet. They don't want to talk about them. That's what everybody wants to do. The people just want to sweep them under the rug. They want to keep them in the closet. They don't want to talk about them. That's what makes you successful.

That's what makes you, that's what makes you special. That's what makes you different. And what did we say? Different scares people. Winners and winning scares people. And they don't want to win because of that. They're trying to win, they're trying to balance, they're trying to fit in.

What do winners do? Very few of them have balance in their life. Maybe after they become successful, they try to balance a little bit more. All right, there is no balance early. They don't care what other people thinks. They're extremely obsessive. They know it.

And they don't mind telling you that they're chasing the next win because that's what fuels them. But when people come to you and say, you've had enough. You know why? Slow down. slow down. Unwind. I don't know about you, I do know about you, I should say that.

We are at our most uncomfortable when people tell us to unwind. We like to be wound up. We like that, that's like a part, we have our unique ways of unwinding. We don't need anybody to tell us to unwind. My favorite way of unwinding is having some tequila with a buddy of mine who's another winner

and talking about doing more winning. I was on Andy's show and I said, winning is more fun than fun is fun. I remember that. And I just really believe that. Like, that's actually what I like. Like, I like the pursuit of winning. I like that I, I like the pursuit of winning. I like the, I like,

I like that I sincerely don't feel that way about myself because I'm scared if I did. Like I'm scared of these visitors that I have are my fears, my worries, my hopes, my thoughts, my skeletons, you know. They take all those forms. They take all those forms. They take all those forms. And you don't know what form they're going to take that night.

And you know what? They're going to sit at you with a table. They're not going to, I put this in a book. When you travel, those skeletons are traveling with you on the plane. They're my constant companion. All the time. And if you notice, everyone looks at you

and you fly on that plane alone. I've said, Ed's never been on that plane alone. It's true. It's true. He's never been on that plane alone. They're with me all the time. All the time. And you know what? When they look at his tequila bottles on the thing and they're finished, that's because they're drinking the best stuff also. I wonder who's drinking all that stuff, man. Stuff gets expensive. I just love this because this is the realest conversation I've ever had about winning, and it's the realest book about it. This isn't one of these Pollyanna things,

like it's not all rosy. No, there's a lot of it that sucks. And unless you wanna sign up, and by the way, I don't know if you feel, I'm actually cool if you don't. Like if you actually said, hey, I don't want all that stuff, I don't wanna, I mean way I don't know if you feel I'm actually cool if you don't like if you actually said hey I don't want all that stuff I don't want to I mean I don't relate to you I'm not gonna hang out with you you're not my kind of people but I'd actually admire somebody who says I won't do these

things that are in this book and I know I'm not gonna win rather than say I want to win and do none of the things that are in the book the people that can admit it they've already won hmm the things that are in the book. The people that can admit it, they've already won. The people that say, this ain't for me, this ain't for me, they know exactly who they are. I'm good. I'm good. Most people will settle for good, most people will settle for okay. Very few people will settle for great, very few people will settle for unstoppable, very

few people will settle for great, very few people will settle for unstoppable, very few people will settle for winning. I break things down three different ways, so look at this. And I didn't even put this in a book, but I want to share this with you. You have individuals that compete. Everybody competes, you know that. You play golf, you love golf. You go out and your golfing partner, I don't know, what's his real name? His real name is Kelly Gwynn. We call him Richard Cabesa. Dick Cabesa is head in Spanish. I got it. Everyone that's wondering what that's his name, because half the people don't know,

that's what Richard Cabesa means. Right, everybody knows him. He's going to be signing autographs. He does. He goes out now, people are like, I love you and my Latin man. Can I get your, he's had people take pictures with him. It's awesome. Yeah, so, and I'll get into it a little bit later about that, but there's people that compete, right? Everybody knows how to compete at something, right? And for most people, when they compete, they wanna get to the, they wanna just finish. That's their way.

They just wanna finish, right? Now to me, if you're that level person, is that finish going to lead to another win? It might be in something else. If you're going to run a marathon, and you're not one of these top elite marathon runners, you're not going to win the marathon. You're not going to win. But you have a mindset to say, hey, I'm going to finish this marathon. Now when you finish that marathon,

what else is it setting you up for? But there's people that go in there, they're just happy, they're just happy competing, they're just happy finishing, they're just happy to be in the race. Then you have people that win, right? Once. They win once.

And how many individuals do you know, and you probably don't, well, I shouldn't say this. I said you know, not associate with, there's a big difference, that keep telling you about that win over and over again no matter how long it's been. Factoid. I got it man, you were quarterback in high school. I got it, you got your masters. I got it.

Then you have individuals that win at winning. That's really good. They win at winning. So they win over and over and over again. You think it's all it's cracked up to be? No. But we don't know any other way. Best answer of all time.

Very similar. Everybody think we just, we don't know any other way. Best answer of all time. We just, we can't accept it any other way. We just can't. Hmm. I wrote a best-selling book. Crap. I didn't have to do another book. You wrote a best-selling book. Right.

You know You have another bad you have another book coming out. Mm-hmm You know, you don't have to do any of this. Mm-hmm, but if you didn't That would be more detrimental to you you don't know it You don't know any of you don't know any other way Yeah, you just you just don't yeah, you think that by the way, I'm loving this just so you know, cuz I know people that might be listening today this a little bit dark like Welcome to winning like That's why you see so many people I watch Nick Saban

After wins these national championships. He's gotten a little bit better out at the last couple years. Yes, yeah. Just a little bit. Like 1% better. You know what? Either his wife or somebody in his family told him. At least smile for the interview after. We can get back to work tonight. But you watch these prolific winners. So I did love to watch MJ celebrate that win in the evening that he won, right? Or, you know, the few times I saw Kobe actually celebrate the win, but I know the next day they're back to work. I watched a Saban and like for years he'd win these national championships and you could already see the grimace on his face for the next year in the post-game interview. Yes.

Right? And like I think people look at it, they go go, well then is he, and I think to your answer you're right, like people say, well is he really enjoying this? Yes, and he knows no other way. Right. So maybe it's not all, I wonder if you ask, is it all it's cracked up to be? I think some people might say, no, but it's all I know. It's all I know. And it's better than the alternative of living with losing the rest of my life or not trying.

Yes. Right? Right. There's a reason it's lonely at the top. And it's not because you wanna be surrounded with other individuals. That's not the part people, when they talk about it, it's lonely at the top.

It's alone because nobody understands what's going on in here. Of what you went after you've just won. What you went through and you're already thinking about the next. You're already thinking about the next and people can't comprehend that. And there's people whispering in your ear and they're saying enjoy it. By the time they say enjoy it, you did enjoy it. It's how you're already thinking. Yeah. Do you think it's that, I'm just thinking right now, I'm asking you this, because you

watched this and you've done it in your own life. You've had two careers. You've had a career where you helped, which you still do, where you help other people win. And then there became this point in your life where you became, you were individually winning as a speaker, as a coach, as a writer. It's an interesting thing to watch with you. You were the behind the scenes guy, then you weren't the behind the scenes guy. Do you think that it's like a dopamine thing? Like when they win, like they're already, they have to get another one like a meat,

like it's an addiction. Do you think winning becomes an addiction? It is an addiction do you think winning becomes an addiction it is an addiction and the Only place where you can get that high again is the black market in your mind. It's the only place Because you only know where that entrance is you only know where that hit is you only know what that drug You only know what that drug is and here's the crazy part about the next win has to be bigger It has to be bigger. It has to be bigger, it has to constantly keep getting bigger and bigger and bigger. So true.

It sounds like a sickness when you're listening to this, but I actually think it's beautiful. I actually think you were born to win, and you learn over a lifetime how not to. As a child, don't do this, sit down, be a good boy, get in your place, do this, then the world starts treating you. And I think you move further and further away from your own nature. I think we were born to win,

we were born to do something great with our life. I really, I don't know if that's a saying to me. And I feel a sadness when I meet somebody who's accepted a life of not winning. By the way, I'm cool with it, it's okay, I'm not judging you. But as someone who wants to pursue that expression of myself or that,

I just wonder what I would be like, you know, if I could, what it would be like, what I would be like if I could get to the next level. I'm fascinated with, like I think the people that I really like enjoy, they're curious people. Like I want the next experience. I don't want to live in the previous experience. Like that guy was like, hey, you know, I made a million dollars in 2009 and it was like

in the mortgage boom or the crash or whatever. I'm not really interested in living in those times. You're not because it's always about what's next. It's always about constantly staying in the rain. It's constantly about what's next. It's always about constantly staying in the rain. It's constantly about changing your mindset. The language of winning for people that win is completely different than the language of winning from other individuals. No.

You sit here and you talk to people and they describe, when I talk to all my athletes, I said, describe winning in one word to me. everybody would think about you know they would be like it's happy it's you know it's euphoric it's all those things and it is but those constant winners their answers were it's unpol then Kobe comes up and says, it's everything. It's everything. And if you think about it, and very few people are genuine about this. All right. And you know the ones that are, and you know the ones that aren't.

How do you feel when somebody's really close to you and they win? It's an unbelievable feeling. Unbelievable feeling. How do you feel when you win? It's an unbelievable feeling. Even though it's short-lived, how do you feel when your kids win? It's unbelievable. Yeah.

All right. That feeling is everything. It is everything. That feeling is everything. It's amazing you just said that. I'm reading the book last night and I call my wife about halfway through the book. Because when you read your work, you know even in the first book, most you talk about in this book, the most controversial part of the first book was the dark side. Yes. You talk about it in this book and then when you're reading this, you talk about in this book, the most controversial part of the first book was the dark side. Yes. You talk about it in this book. And then when you're reading this, you're like, this winning thing's mean, this winning thing's unforgiving, this winning thing doesn't give a shit if you sleep, this winning thing doesn't care, right? Like, you go through, you're like, sheesh, this is almost...

And if you're not careful, guys, you would think, because this is truth, it flies in the face, everything you always hear, but you would think that it's not something that you really want. And the evidence of it, I said to my wife last night, the evidence that you know winning is where you belong is how happy you are when you see your children doing it if you have children. When your children win a spelling bee

or get straight A's or hit a home run or win a golf tournament or do anything exceptional, the amount of joy you feel and pride when they win. I have a feeling that that's how God feels when he sees one of his children win. And I think this is something we all miss, that it is a grind, it is difficult, but if you ever wonder whether you belong winning

and that's the path you should pursue, just ask yourself a question about your children if you have them, or your parents, or anybody that you love and care about When they win, how do you feel for them? I literally said this last night So I've heard you speak numerous times and what people don't know about this Like when we're on the stage together at this same event I'll stay just to hear you speak Mike's first as you know, you know

I will stay the last time I heard you speak at an event and you were talking about a golf tournament you were with with your son. With Max, yeah. With Max. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's an intense story. Yeah, it was an, it was just like.

We went from playing golf to winning. Yes. That was the decision. Yes. Like to your point, like your book. And by the way, I've said this early in the interview, little words from people, a caring statement, a little bit of access to some information.

And I've said this many times, just haven't said it to you, but like I thank you because, you know, I've had people say, oh, your son gets all your stuff and yeah, he also has talked to Grover. He's also talked to Grover. And just so you guys know, I really, truly believe that one of the reasons that my son is excelling is you. And your information, little whispers you get a little direct message, little text message, a little access to a call like you've done for my son. And I think that's the other thing that people don't know. Winners are generous. Extremely generous.

Extremely, you know why? Because they're truthful. They tell you how it is. It's not rainbows, it's not unicorns, it's not sprinkles. This is what it is. It's not it's not rainbows, it's not unicorns, it's not sprinkles. This is what it takes. This is what it takes. And other people they'll tell they don't want to we talk about the stuff nobody else wants to talk about. Does that make us bad people? In many people's eyes it does, but it also where the few people that are gonna hold your your condom boat we're going to tell you the truth and where people are going to say you know

what everybody else sugarcoated it these individuals told me exactly how it is that's what the book winning is about now I don't want people to think that it's all this thing if you read the last chapter of the book, it kind of ties everything in and it explains why winners go through this journey. Why they go through this journey. Because I have this thing, it's like everyone talks about it's the journey, it's journey, it's not the destination. Well, to me, why the hell are you taking the journey if you don't know where the hell the destination is? What are you just amously going to be

running around? All right? Every time you... When you get on your plane or you get in your car, you know exactly, you're going from here to here. Now, you may have to take a detour to go somewhere else to do whatever you're doing, but you're like, this is where we're going. You had a post a couple of days ago, man it's nice to own a jet because all of a sudden I gotta go wherever wherever your destination was. This man has now reached millions of people with his message and completely changed his life. So Garen Jones, welcome to the show my friend. Thank you for being brave but brave enough to create a platform like this so stories like mine have wings. You talk a lot about returning to the Garen as a child and returning to being a child

in our life and that's where the answers really lie. And you say that adults are really deteriorated children. Yeah. Let's talk about that. When you think about it, think about Ed when he was small, big dreams, big goals. I want to be the president or whatever it was. When you think about it, think about Ed when he was small. Big dreams, big goals. I wanna be the president or whatever it was. I wanted to be a superhero.

Stronger than the average man, abs like an action figure, saving changed lives all over the world. One, I've never met a superhero who hasn't had to overcome something hard in order to obtain their powers. But I didn't know this until I looked back and achieved all the life nuggets that were just waiting for me to go and grab those superhero powers. The best way I can describe it is I felt more free, more alive, more zest, more passion, more bigness,

when I was around four or five years old. And then when you span out and you look, people working nine to five jobs, getting paid less than their value, calling another man or woman a boss, asking for permission for things that you have the key to inside, I'm like, where is the,

what's missing, where's the gap, and how did it get to that point? When I look at my own life, what I thought was my dad abandoning me, what I thought was my mom not emotionally, emotionally not being available, which she was in her, the best way she knew how, but for me, oh, my mom's never there,

she's always working. I thought that was abandonment. But the original abandonment for me was when I abandoned my original dream, the thing that I love to do, I used to love to run. I used to love to sing. I used to love to to just blurt out and wear the kind of clothes that I wanted to wear. People like you're too big, you're too small, you're too this, you're too that.

And little by little, I abandoned who I really was to get approval to fit inside of other people's construct of how they thought I should live my life, wondering why I don't feel seen, I don't feel heard. All this, the people see me in the millions and all this stuff, I was like, there's something missing. Well, what was missing was I didn't tend to who I really, really, really was,

and I'm gonna drive home this point. Anything that anybody had ever seen me, even when I sold my book and sold those hundreds of thousands of copies and all this other stuff, in the quiet of my mind, I always knew it was 4%. They never, 4% of give out, because I was afraid of the real me. Got you.

Because I abandoned him. Yeah. And then I associated myself with, with like Gandhi and Nelson Mandela when I was 14. I was like, there's something here. I don't know what this is. There's a version of you that's similar to that. Yes. Yes.

You know what I said? Those are the type of people who get assassinated and I quit that version of me and tried to say if I do just enough, just enough to not be seen a certain way or to disrupt other people and I'll be in this small, but if my just enough is a little bit more than other people around me, great place to hide.

You're right. I did it in sports. You know why I did it? You're brilliant. The reason I did it was if I gave just enough, see if you give all of yourself and then you lose or you're rejected, that's really painful. So the biggest risk is to give all of yourself because you may lose still and you may get rejected.

So what I did is I played it close to the vest. I gave a good effort, but I didn't give all of me. So I always held a little bit back in the tank. And I think the real reason I did that played it close to the vest. I gave a good effort, but I didn't give all of me. So I always held a little bit back in the tank. And I think the real reason I did that is it wasn't the, that way, if I was rejected, it wasn't all of me being rejected. This thing you said, I want to go back. I abandoned the parts of me that I love the most

to please other people. Everybody hear that? Are you doing any of that in your life? And this notion, you are onto something so big, we're reaching similar conclusions. I'm writing right now from my new book a little bit about this returning to childhood thing too. And what I said earlier about, you know, I and me, who we define ourselves as, is a collection of memories and stories of

our life. That's all you really are. Why are we so... Ask yourself if you're an adult listening to this, which is most of my audience, when's the last time you had an entire 24 hours of bliss? Like a whole day, just one day. How about three days in a row bliss, like real bliss. The vast majority, 99.9% of adults would say, I can't remember that. I mean, total bliss. If I took you back to four or three, how many of those days did you have in a row? And I think it's because when we're three or four years old,

we've not collected these stories. We've not collected them. And as we collect them, they steal our bliss and our joy. You said something, I've not, I may have heard this way, but you said actually one of the reasons too is that emotion is stored in the body. And everyone just needs to just consider this for a minute. If you went through some kind of trauma or disappointment,

or even if you just went through, a lot of people listen to the shows, they're like, well, my dad wasn't murdered. No one tried to kill me. My dad, Ed Milets, was an alcoholic. I come from a pretty good family. You know, one of the other big diseases in life is the middle, the middle.

I almost think to some extent, it's great to be raised by like amazing You're wealthy family or whatever because then you get all these act You know options and stuff and kind of coming from screwed up families like me and you there's an advantage that because you kind of to some Extent know what you don't want in your life Yeah, but the middle is like an asphyxiation of average and so a lot of people's thing isn't trauma. It's like Neutral all their lives in the middle and there's no bliss there because there's no catalyst to move from it A lot of people's thing isn't trauma. It's like neutral. All their life's in the middle

and there's no bliss there because there's no catalyst to move from it. My guest today has a new book out called The Five Practices of Highly Resilient People. Why Some Flourish When Others Fold. And that is something we really are gonna need to know a lot more of during this time. So, Dr. Taryn Marie Stasekul, welcome to the show.

Finally, it's great to have you here. Oh my gosh, thank you so much for having me. It's such an honor and I'm delighted to be here as your guest. The practice of vulnerability combined with what you would call shame bias and why sometimes there isn't vulnerability because there's a shame bias in our life.

And so when adversity hits, you know, I've been, I've lost my job, I had a business that failed. I embarrassed myself over here. My, you know, bankruptcy, divorce, whatever that thing may be. Or even sometimes even an assault, something. Sometimes people in their life think I brought this on or whatever it might be, there's this shame attached with it.

And one of the things you talk about is the practice of vulnerability. So that actually makes this event for the greater good. And everybody can grow from the adversity that you face. So I'll let you talk about it. I have so many things to say about this. Do it, take your time. I love it so much.

Well, let me connect it up with something that I heard in your book first that I have also said publicly. I think it's a really powerful element. And I think it moves us out of being, I think it moves us out of feeling victimized by challenge and into an actor with agency. And so the thing that you say in your book

is you talk about just changing the narrative, changing the language, and it's one word. It's changing the language from, why is this happening to me, right? I'm a passive recipient of what's happening, to why is this happening for me? Meaning, what am I meant to learn? What is this meant to teach me?

So I love that you share that. One of the things that I've talked about, you're welcome. One of the things that I've talked about is this idea of story and narrative. Okay. Right? So our story is the series of events that have happened to us over time, right?

The narrative is the story that we tell about the story. Very good. Yeah? This is good, this is good. So I can look on, you know, just we'll use me for an example, right? I can look on, you know, just, well, use me for an example, right? I can look on that experience with the stalker and the events that happened and the development of PTSD and the interplay with my parents and how supported or

unsupported, you know, that I felt in that moment. And I can tell myself a lot of different narratives about what happens. And I think real power, you know, real sense of self-efficacy comes from being intentional about the narrative that we write. Right? So we can't change the things that happen to us. We're not responsible for the things that happen to us. I'm not responsible for the things that happened to us. I'm not responsible for this experience with the stalker.

Healing is my responsibility. It's not my fault what happened. Healing is my responsibility, right? And so part of healing is looking at the story, looking at that series of events and saying, what narrative, what story about the story do I want to tell myself about that? And so I have, I can't change the events that happened, but I can tell myself a story that becomes my narrative, that becomes true about my own sense of strength, my own sense of resilience,

how I was able to thwart him breaking into the house or coming any further, how I was able to take care of myself in a moment when I didn't feel like anyone else was showing up for me, and how I sought treatment and help for the PTSD that I had developed as a result. So good. And the reason it matters is that once you've created this, by the way, love the distinction between story and narrative. The reason it matters is that this narrative drives your perspective.

So in your life, the reticular activating system, which I talk about in the book, once you have, you believe something deeply, your mind is going to go to prove you right. It's going to find the people, places and things and circumstances that prove you to be right. You will literally begin to see here and feel these things. And so that narrative really matters. And by the way, I think you'd agree with this. There may be circumstances in your life where you are responsible. And part of the narrative you need to tell yourself is you are responsible for the results in your life.

It's important to tell a true story, but the meanings that matter. In other words, if you've consistently had relationships fail, perhaps it's time to look at the narrative and say, who's the common character in all of these stories? Me, I'm responsible for my parts of these relationships. And so that story, you gotta be really, your word is so powerful, I think,

is intentional about it. Because one, it's gotta serve you, it's gotta empower you, but it's also gotta be something that helps grow you. And if you constantly, like in your case, you clearly were not responsible in that situation. But we do have events of our lives where we are responsible and to not accept that as part of our narrative

that we never take responsibility. The business failure wasn't my fault, the relationship failure wasn't my fault, the fact that I've gained weight isn't my, nothing's my fault, I'm not responsible for anything. That's a narrative a lot of people go through life and they find proof of it to prove they're right. A belief is like a table with no legs under it

once you have a belief. And what your mind does is it goes to find the legs under the table to build references so that that table becomes more and more stable. And if you're not careful, eventually that thing can't move. And so that's why this narrative really matters so much. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Listen, it's the time of year where you want to make the next year one of the great years of your life.

One of the things you should probably consider is therapy. Most successful people and happy people that I know are either in therapy or have been in therapy because it helps them get clarity, helps them unwind some things that are holding them back and it gets them focused on the things that need to move forward. So whether you've got major trauma in your life

you need to work through or just a lack of clarity and focus in your life that you'd like to get more clear on things and a sense of direction in your life, therapy is a great way to do it and that's where BetterHelp is so great for people to learn different things and that's where BetterHelp comes in. So if you're thinking of starting therapy give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, it's convenient, it's flexible, suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a

licensed therapist. You can switch therapists for any time for no additional charge. Find comfort this December with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash ed show today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. h-e-l-p dot com slash ed show. What does the future hold for business? Well let me tell you right now you can ask nine experts you're probably gonna get ten different answers. Bull market, bear market, rates are gonna get cut they're gonna cut it five times six times, inflation is gonna go up or down who the heck knows You don't really have a crystal ball

And that's why I love net suite because you can get some measure of control in the most important areas possible in your business So if somebody can get a crystal ball together that would be great But until then over 38,000 businesses of future proof their businessSuite by Oracle. The number one cloud ERP bringing accounting, financial management, inventory HR into one fluid platform. Easy to use, we've been using them now for over a decade. NetSuite helps you respond to immediate challenges and seize on your biggest opportunities. Speaking of opportunity, download the CFO's guide to AI and Machine Learning at netsuite.com slash my let. The guide is free to you at netsuite.com slash my let netsuite.com slash my let. That was a great conversation and if you want to hear the full interview be sure to follow the

Ed Mylett show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. I have the man to my left here today. He's one of the most inspirational figures in the world. Author, motivational speaker, thought leader, somebody that I'm very proud to call a friend of mine, former NFL football player, Baylor football player, wonderful father and husband, Trent Shelton's here with me today. Hey man, thanks man, I appreciate that. Thank you for being here.

Glad we could connect, man. I've been waiting for this for a long time. Let's talk some more about family stuff for a second. You and I are both, let's help people. What I love about today is like every story helps someone and that's what's great about your content too that you put out all the time. But you and I are both sharing in something right now that both come from great families and my dad right now, some people also listen to this, they're going through something. There's a struggle or a challenge in their life

that's serious, right? Maybe it's not that big, but you made it big. Then in our case, it is big. So my dad right now is fighting cancer. And my dad is my hero, right? I got a wonderful dad too. And yet every day I get up and work and win and produce and I don't use that as an excuse.

I'm honoring my dad with my life and your mom's also got cancer right now too. Can you talk a little bit about, whatever you wanna share about that, but also how do you deal with it? How do you continue to get up every day when I'm sure it gets you down? Yeah, it's hard man.

I don't know if I have it all figured out with how to deal with it. I'm still trying to figure that out, but it is my surprise. I mean, and just to kind of paint the picture of who my mom is, my mom is responsible for my dad's faith, my faith. She's the warrior of our family.

And out of nowhere, she's just started feeling weak. She went to the doctor. Her mother, my grandmother passed away a year before, so I think a lot of stress had something to do with that. Passed away from cancer. She went to the doctor and she had cancer. She had breast and liver cancer, stage four. They gave her six months to live without treatment,

with treatment, maybe, you know. It's not a guarantee, of course. She goes through the treatment and what hurts the worst is seeing somebody you love like change. Yes. You know? And it's like, man, I'm the strong one. Give it to me.

Give it to me. Let me take it. And it was hard because I saw my mom's faith start to weaken. You know? And I remember being with her at the barber shop. She went to my barber. I get edge of it. She's like, he's dreads.

How does he get his hair cut? I was just wondering that. And so we're at the barber shop and you know she wanted the barber to come to the house because she was so, as a woman you know you're losing your hair and she's like I don't want to go. I said mom just go. Just own it. Just go. Because the only way you're gonna get through it is if you own it. We can't run from it. We got to face that battle. And she's in the chair and she's crying. And I have to do my best to be strong for her and not show that I'm crying inside. And lost her hair, and to make this story

a little bit more bright, the sixth month on Halloween, she went back to the doctor and she got a report that she was cancer free. So she went through her post-treatment, and just sitting in that room, man, with people going through their... Yes. It's tough. It changes you, doesn't it?

It gives you perspective. It makes you realize that, it makes you grateful just for having health. It does. I mean, it made me turn my health to another level, man. And she went through that process and proposed treatment and she rung the bell. They have a bell as it rings.

And I actually put it on my Instagram, man. We're celebrating. But that day, she said, I feel weak. Like my Instagram and we're celebrating, but that day she said, I feel weak, like something's not right. And I'm like, mom, you're all right. Like you just, it's in your head, you're fine. The doctor said, you're fine, Alko, cause my mom is a, she's not a drama queen,

but she can be over the top, you know? You know, and she said, no, I want to go to the doctor. So she went to the doctor, make a long story short, she got re-diagnosed with brain cancer. Oh no. And at that moment, it hit me man. Yeah, of course. You know, I honestly, my faith,

started to question God. Like I'm doing all this for people and like what's going on? Like my mom is so great, why her? And at that moment I just remember my mom always told me, don't say why God, say why not me? And I knew my mother at that moment,

it was a bigger purpose than her pain she was going through. And so many people in her journey has been strengthened and she's currently fighting her journey to this day, she's getting better, but it tore me apart, man. It tore me and it still tears me apart. I'm sorry to hear that, because I relate. So I know your face looks like my face when you talk about it right. It's interesting though, it's interesting how and I don't have all the answers either but I do know that my dad's cancer and in your mom's case it

has given me perspective about my own relationships, my own health, my own gratitude and then here's the other thing maybe you haven't considered. Your mother's cancer just helped millions more people right now through you. That's right. It's amazing that God might choose you or me to have these situations so we have these platforms to be able to express the important things about life

because it's hard in situations this difficult. How in the world is this happening for me and not to me, right? Or happening for me and not to me, right? Or happening for mom and not to mom. But it's amazing how God can take one life and use that life to transform millions of other people's lives and he chooses average people all the time. And I don't mean to be spiritual with you, I don't care what your faith is, what your religion is, but in almost every faith and almost every religion and in my religion in Christianity, which I believe

is yours as well, the Lord took 12 average people and took them to transform the world right and in every religion you'll find that average ordinary people and sometimes people from deficient backgrounds whether poor people or people from broken families are always utilized to make great things happen and I believe that the Lord's chosen you and your mom to make a difference with this and so thank you for willing to Willem to share that. No problem, man. Because everybody listening to this, we're all going through this journey together.

We're just here to help express the way we're getting through it with you. So thank you so much for that. I wanna ask you a question though about this rehab thing. There are people that just go, I wanna do this. And I do need to start to accept myself better. I do need to start to, you call it self-love, like myself more, appreciate myself more, have more confidence,

whatever it is, but I've got 20 years, I'm 20 years old, I got 20 years of not doing it. Or I got 25 years of not doing it, or 30 years of not having confidence, not loving myself, not believing in myself. What would you say to me, what could be something practically that I could do, a step, something that you do that can start that process of turning that around?

Any practical step, any thought, any idea for them? As far as them starting, turning that negative process for 20 or 30 years into like, okay, how do I, like I want to change it. I got it. I got to love myself more. I got to like myself more. I got to have more confidence. How?

Yeah. I would say first of all, you have to own it. That's the first step. You will never heal what you're in denial from. It doesn't work at all. You know some of us we try to mask it, we try to tuck it in, we try to suppress it, and one of the things that I love to say suppression will lead to depression. So own it. That's the first thing. Own it that okay hey, embarrass yourself. You know that's one of my things for 2019. I want to embarrass myself. I want to tell people hey I'm not the smartest guy in this.

Hey, I don't have it all figured out. It's cool. I lack confidence for 20 years. Who cares? You know how many people have lacked so many things for so many years that turned it around? Like you're one decision, one choice away, in a commitment away from changing your life.

So first of all, own it. The second thing I would tell you to do is get around a growth environment of people that help you build it. Must change your environment. Yeah, it's simple. I mean, if you took a flower, right, you can say the most beautiful flower in the world, you took that flower, you put that flower in the wrong environment, what's going to

happen to that flower? It's going to die, right? It's going to wither away. And so look at your life as that flower, right? Change your environment. When the flower doesn't blossom, we don't blame the envi- we don't blame the flower. What do we do? We change the environment. So if you're not growing, take a look at the people around you. And like I said,

don't feel guilty for recognizing your worth. Don't feel guilty for wanting to better your life. Don't feel guilty for, as I like to say, making the world respect your greatness. So get around that and then I would tell you to start with what you can control. Find one thing that you can control that's totally in your control. It doesn't depend on how many people like your post or anything, what's one thing that you can control

and become consistent with it. Consistency will change your life. I'm not the most talented speaker, right? I'm not the most talented whatever, but I'm the most consistent at living my purpose. I've been doing the most talented speaker, right? I'm not the most talented whatever but I'm the most consistent and living my purpose I've been doing this for a decade Right and so be consistent and I promise you over time consistency will make you a go-to person. I Could not answer that better. I completely agree with you

I would use one or two words differently in the identical sequence of it Right. I'm so I want to just add on to what you just said there, everybody, about environment. They say, okay, what is environment? You know, by the way, environment can be a group you join. It can be a coaching group. It could be new friends. It could be a new company, a new business. But it also can be, I have a community,

the Max Up community. You have the rehab community. So your associations are these communities. You're posting regularly. If you're commenting in these communities, if you participate in Instagram Lives or listening to the podcast, that's part of changing your environment. You don't give yourself enough credit, everybody. You are changing your environment by virtue of listening to this today.

This audio or this video you're watching is in your current environment. And so you can have all of these associations through different ways, books you read, things of that sort, shift your environment dramatically. Tim Grover, the author of this incredible book that we're going to talk about today, Relentless. Tim, thanks for being here, brother. Thank you, partner. Appreciate you.

Thank you. So good to have you here. What was the lesson for you from that? Well, it's just like, listen, you do whatever's necessary. Just because you have this kind of status somewhere else doesn't mean you're always going to have it. You're not always going to have it. You're not always going to have it. And this is the one thing that I find very interesting is when people become successful,

they always say, I don't do that anymore. What do you mean you don't do that anymore? You should do that and then some. What do you mean you don't do that anymore? The most successful people know and can do it all. Can do it all. Michael, you know what? He never, when he played, he would go around,

pick up the towels in the gym after practice, put the basketballs, put the basketballs. Michael Jordan. Michael Jordan. Kobe did the same thing. Put the basketballs away. Just do whatever's supposed to do. He packed his, got his own game gear together.

Now people have these stylists and so forth, they put their clothes together. Michael put his own stuff together. He's just like handled his own tickets. Kobe did the same thing. So it's just like, hey, just because I'm now the superstar, all right, I still have to do the things that got me there because it reminds me of what I did and what it took to get to this level.

You build this background years, you go get your education, and how in the hell do you go from being a D2 basketball player? I was actually a D1 basketball. D1, okay. You had a mid-major, small school, but it was still D1. That counts. No, D1. So you were a really good player then. Okay, so you were the real deal.

Okay, so you're a really good player. So you go through that, you get your education, you start a business. Does attack athletics now exist at that time? No, no, exactly. I tell you, I get my master's degree, I get a job at a health club. Minimum salary for everybody in here.

My minimum salary when I started day one was $3.75. Big bucks. Big dollars. Okay. With a master's degree now. With a master's degree. But what I was fortunate enough to understand is like, okay, even though I have the education and it's up in here, I haven't really learned or mastered my craft on how to apply it. Wow, okay.

So get a job in a health club. Start training people in a health club. Everybody from women, children, overweight, whatever they needed. Whatever they needed. Learned, made mistakes, figured things out, got my craft, got really, really, really honed in on understanding how the body moves, how to get results here, how to do this. But then I was like, you know, I'm only using 10% of what I learned. Because you know, people come in, what do they work on?

I want to lose weight. Right. Yeah, that's the first thing. You know, I got too much around the midsection. I want to lose weight. You know, my thighs are too big, whatever it is. All right, that's the first thing. I got too much around the mid-section. I want to lose weight. My thighs are too big, whatever it is. All right, here's a program. This is what you do. This is what goes on. Here it is. But I had so much knowledge in there. I was like, how can I do this? I want to apply it with athletes and so forth. So I kind of started a little training program, working with

the kids and so forth, just making sure I knew what I was doing. And then I saw an article in the paper saying how Michael Jordan was tired of taking the physical abuse from the Detroit Pistons and he wanted to get stronger. So I reached out to the team physician who was Dr. John Hefford at the time and the athletic trainer who was Mark File. And I reached out to them, I said, hey, this is my background, this is what I do. And fortunately enough, I was able to make contact with them. They brought me in and this process lasted

for almost six months, you know. They drilled me on questions and made sure I wasn't somebody that was just BSing them. They knew exactly What I what I was what I was talking about and they said, you know what you might be? You might be a good fit. So they made an arrangement for me to meet Michael I met Michael at his house. We went through this whole discussion thing and You know, he Michael said I'll give you 30 days 30 days turned into 15 years. Oh my god, you know Michael said I'll give you 30 days, 30 days turned into 15 years. Oh my god. Wow. You got this other crew. How many guys have the

guts to even make the phone call to them? I mean was this like a dream you had I want to get with professional athletes? I always told people when they said what when you so when I got my degree okay back bachelor's degree, back then, it was P.E. slash kinesiology. So everyone, you know, P.E. is, oh, you're gonna be a gym teacher. No, I'm gonna train professional athletes. Somebody else will be, oh, you're gonna be a gym teacher. No, I'm gonna train professional athletes.

So if you keep telling yourself something over and over again, all right, you start to believe it, but once you start to believe it, you gotta figure out the path to make it happen. And most people, you know, they'll tell themselves something but then when they got to go through that path, that path is not straight. Okay, usually that path goes down first. Yes. Okay. And I have a saying, I said, you know, the road to paradise starts in hell. It does.

That's where it starts. So many people aren't willing to do that. No, they're not. You know what, here's the thing. I deliver a different message. I deal with the truth. It's a true one. I was gonna say the same thing.

It's a true one. I deal with truth and I deal with reality. You know what happens? People don't wanna hear the truth. They don't wanna deal with reality. And you know what happens? People don't want to hear the truth. They don't want to deal with reality. Why? Because it's too tough. Everyone has the ability to change the story.

You know, when we were talking about coolers, closers, and cleaners, you know, we talk about, hey, you talk about a cooler. A cooler is an individual that loves to tell stories. They love to tell stories. They love to tell stories. All right, they're the individuals. Everyone's picturing coolers right now. Yeah, so they got a stack of books on the shelf

and they read every self-help book and one minute they're following this person on Instagram and the next minute they're listening to somebody else. They're always looking for that quick fix. Cleaners have the ability to change the story. You know how difficult it is to change a story? But in order to change a story, you gotta put something on the line.

People are afraid to put things on the line. You put literally your whole reputation on the line to get out with these guys, and you spent 15 years with this guy. 15 years with this guy. But the greatest athlete out there, you know, and people say, oh, it's never going to happen. He doesn't need any help. But you know what I've learned is, you know why Tom Brady's so freaking good? Because he's willing to seek out help no matter how good he is.

And he lets the people around them do their job. You know, people all of a sudden, people become experts in everything else. Listen, Michael Jordan's a basketball player, all right? His was, he was like, I don't wanna know what you're doing. Just do it. This is the result I need, just do it. Kobe, on the other hand, you had to explain everything to him.

He wanted to know the details. He wanted to know the details. I'm curious with both those guys, would you have to reel, the other part of it is they bust their ass and do the work, right? Would those guys, I would sense, tell me if I'm wrong, with your real cleaners, you almost have to reel in their work ethic,

not reel it out of them or no? You're 100% right on that. These are the guys, you don't tell them to show up early, to take extra shots, to get in their treatments, this is what time is, these are the guys you gotta say, hey listen, enough, you gotta go. You gotta go, you've done more than you share. Come on, that's it.

You gotta reel them in. You gotta reel them, but those are the individuals. You know what? The more successful you become, the smaller, it's funny, you see this in sports and you deal with a lot of athletes in a different realm. But it's funny, the more successful they become, the bigger their followers and entourage become. No question.

All right. But you're real, real successful people. Their circles are so fricking small. Plot twist. We're turning the tables on me and I'm being interviewed by my dear friend, Jamie Kern Lima. Enjoy, God bless you. I wanted to ask you about something that I think

has affected you. I know it's affected you, but so many people listening have this in their life, and maybe they shove it in the back of their mind, but it's still there, and that is this idea of labels. And what I mean is, like, so many of us have had, maybe it's when we were kids, someone called us a name, or we're in a situation, and someone says,

oh, but you're not smart enough or you don't have what it takes or you're the wrong fit for this or you don't come from the right family or this, that, the other thing. And a lot of times we then find ourselves as an adult and that label is like stuck and it's taken root and now it's sort of coming out in our lives

and we haven't even thought about it in years, but it's still there, that identity. When you were, I think it was eight, eight years old, you were called Eddie Spaghetti. Eddie Spaghetti. Can you share how that happened and how you did or didn't let that label take root? Yeah, I talk about this in the book a lot too,

is that, and how to overcome it, which I have that part of me I've leveraged into something pretty strong But I talked about in the book that a lot of the beliefs we have about ourselves were installed in us our identities these thoughts And concepts we believe to be most true about us our worth they were installed in us when we were defenseless as kids So it's like be a good boy. Be quiet. Be a good girl, don't do that, don't make too much noise, don't and you you start to just start to develop this identity when you're young and then when you get out into the world because you believe it, you confirm it and then you gather more and more references for it before you know it you're 20 or 30 or 35 years old and it's who you are and

you've proven it because of this your identity is the most powerful force in the world, you're gonna be consistent with it and most of what you believe about yourself you weren't in control of believing it was put there when you were a child well same with me so you have this combination of this kid who's at home things aren't real stable there most of the time sometimes I feel like I overcooked that too because it when it was good it was very loving and the other thing is I had this loving mother 100% of the time, right? 100% of the time.

And great grandparents and lots of great stuff, but there was this thing, right? So you have that anxiety going in chaos, going to school, I'm a little guy, I'm shy. I'm very, very shy. You know this about me to this day. I'm still very introverted, which surprises most people because of the speaking and stuff in the show, but I'm super introverted and

I just started to get picked on and this Eddie spaghetti your meatballs, right? then the class would sing it to me and they'd see me get upset and It started to develop into this pattern of you're not good enough all the time And then I remember you know a few years later a baseball coach really I was become a pretty good player But we had a great player on our team who went on to play like Major League Baseball for many many years He's still a really good friend of mine and I had a couple bad games and I was down and our coach Pulled me into his office. He was sort of a mean dude. He's a good dude, but he was a tough dude

He pulled me into his office. He goes hey Eddie spaghetti This is now I'm a teenager and And he goes, did you ever think that maybe you're just not as good as him? Like you going 0 for 3, like you can go 0 for 3, he can't. So why don't you just accept the fact you're just not that good. This was my coach, right? And I remember just walking out of there like, whoa.

And then I shared with you another story that when I became a speaker, someone that I looked up to was like, you know, you're really not that good. You know, like I can't even listen to you for more than about 15 minutes. And then I used to think, am I like, is there something on me that's like you can just punch me? Like is there something about me? Like you people think they can just tell me these things about me. What is it about me? Because other people aren't, What I found out is other people are hearing similar things. And the truth is I just started to go, I actually asked myself a question that I

say in the book. I don't really believe that many good things about myself. What would I need to believe about me that would serve me? What would I actually need to believe about me that would cause me to change the way I show up in the world? What would I need to believe? And all of a sudden I started to really think about that. How would that guy walk? How would that guy talk? I'm doing an impersonation of this insecure guy. I'm doing an impersonation of a shy person. I'm doing an impersonation of someone who doesn't have confidence. It's an impersonation. It's not who I really am. Well maybe I can begin to impersonate

the person I want to be. And I can begin to impersonate the person I wanna be. And I actually started to impersonate him a little bit. Not fake it, but like you know what, he'd walk with his shoulders back. His voice would be a little bit deeper than the one I'd walk around with. He'd think certain things about himself. Moreover, he would treat other people a particular way.

He would treat other people in a kind and generous and strong way, almost in an overabundance of kindness and generosity to people and belief and love for people. And a lot of that happened when I worked at the orphanage. I was like, now that's the guy I like, that's the guy that I am. I'm the giving guy, I'm the giving guy I'm the kind guy and you know what I found out when I did that I took it away from me as we said earlier it was about other people that I found a lot more peace so I just started to become that person and slowly but surely I I think I am that person. That is really

powerful there's I'm sure so many people I'm sure they'll send messages about this who you know see you online your content, and maybe think that everything's perfect. And think that you were just born with all this confidence and with, you know, everyone loving you and millions of people following you, even through grade school, right? I mean, we just, we tend to think those things about people that we don't yet know deeply and then we think when those things happen to us like someone tells us we're just not good enough we can't hide it because we're embarrassed by it or we think it doesn't happen to other people and I feel like you sharing that is so powerful. Thank you. I think I have a lot

of people from high school actually that follow me now right when you when you're and I think if you were to ask a lot of them because they've told me this I just wasn't I think they would just say to you like it just I wouldn't expect it to be an Eddie you know not like he was a complete I was there if that makes any sense like no I would not there was no like most likely to succeed in any of my you know yearbooks or anything like that but I don't think by the time I graduate, it wasn't like he's a complete dumb dumb, but it was just like, he's just Eddie Mylette, you know, he's just Eddie. Like you would never suspect he would be the person that might reach a lot of human beings

in his life. You just would never have predicted that. And that ought to give everybody hope. If you're not one of those people that everyone's like, no, for sure it's her. I was definitely not that person. You go, oh, just mark it down.. He's gonna do something great with his life. No, no one was saying that about me. No one. No teacher, no coach. Maybe a couple teachers when I was a little little guy but most people would not have said that

anything significant was ever gonna happen. So good. They didn't know you were the one. That's right. They didn't know. That's powerful because a lot of people are wondering, am I the one? Can I be the one? No one's telling me I'm the one. And I think the fact that you doubt, I think the fact that you doubt or wonder whether you're the one is indicative of the fact that you probably are. I do. I just believe that. That's so good. And you know this, by the way, the reason it's good is because you know that to be true about you. I know that's true, but I never thought about it that way I know that's true, and I'm just thinking right now

I have goosebumps thinking about how many people are listening to this and right now they know that they're wondering if they're the one yeah And that makes you probably the one yes, that's right, and you know this because it happened in your life. Yes, that is huge All right, this is good. I want to talk about You know That is huge. All right. This is good. I want to talk about, you know, the story. Can you share with everyone the story? I feel like someone needs to hear this today about your first grade teacher. Yeah, Mrs. Smith. Yes. So yeah, I'll even elaborate on it a little bit. So I had no confidence at all and I was getting picked on. This is what I think happened. Mrs. Smith was just a super really kind lady and we had moved to the town that we were in then and so

I was also a new kid. On top of being small, on top of being Eddie Spaghetti, on top of being insecure, on top of leaving many mornings where my dad maybe didn't come home the night before or there was this turmoil the night before. I'm just leaving that house, this little dude. I wish I could go back and hug him, you know, which my mom did a lot of by the way. And so she knew that I just had no self-esteem and I believe she orchestrated this entire thing, but we were doing testing like for grades and stuff for the next grades and she purposely had, I believe she purposely did this for me, she had someone come in the back of the room and say Mrs. Smith we need your smartest student to come take

a test to represent the class and I could see the person in the back, I heard them and I watched Mrs. Smith go that's Eddie my lad. I would pick Eddie, he's the smart boy and she picks me and I remember going oh my gosh she thinks I'm the smart boy and I just looked at her and she smiled at me and I remember just lighting up and then the person goes okay um then Eddie Mylett you need to come with us and I stood up and it was the first time ever in my life that I was like, I'm special. This is special. And I walked up and went to the back

and I took the test and I guess I did well. But when I came back in, I didn't say this on the last time I told this, when I came back in, at the end of the day, class was over and Mrs. Smith said, can you come up here for me and I came up and She hugged me And she goes you're so special and so smart. You're the smartest boy. She just like hugs on me for a minute and It really changed my life a lot. It changed my life because

that was the first time I was like, well, maybe, maybe they're wrong. Maybe I'm, maybe I am smart. Maybe I am special. And this beautiful soul knew exactly what she was doing. She orchestrated all that. She knew there was this child. I think she had this sense something was going on in my home because kids don't come like that to school that shy, that timid unless something's wrong at the house. And I'm telling you the truth that I've thought about that like hundreds maybe thousands of times in my life. That event in my life, what a beautiful, beautiful soul she was. So that's Mrs. Smith. It's one of those people you know in your life

when you close your eyes and you go, there's this handful of humans that make you feel special, make you feel loved and cared for and believed in. And she's on that highlight reel of like maybe three or four human beings in my entire 51 years. And the reason that that's important is because I've tried really hard in my life to be that person for other people. That they go, he loves me, he cares about me,

he most important, maybe even as important, he believes in me. And then you show people how to live a little better. That's exactly what she did. She was a super, super special person. And little did she know that little first grade dude would be on a show with you today. You know last

night when we were talking on the phone about this idea about how many people don't feel seen and I'm just imagining like the power right of her seeing you. First time anyone saw me. I was telling you last night that a lot of my work in my life has been I don't know why it makes me so emotional but a lot of my work in my life has been about I don't know why it makes me so emotional, but a lot of my work in my life has been about helping people that perform pretty well perform their best. And the more and more I've been doing what I do, the more it's occurring to me that my role

is a little different, and that is that there's millions and millions and millions of people, maybe more than ever in the world, that were like the first grader of me, but they're 30 years old. ["This Is the End of My Life Show"] ever in the world that were like the first grader me, but they're 30 years old. This is the Ed Myron Show.