THE ED MYLETT SHOW - The Unfiltered Truth About Peak Performance with Jim Murphy

Episode Date: August 26, 2025

How to Lead When Everything Falls Apart What happens when the bottom drops out—when the game you’ve built your identity on slips away, when your performance defines your worth, and suddenly, it's all gone? My guest today, Jim Murphy, knows precisely what that feels like. As a former outfielder in the Chicago Cubs organization, Jim’s identity—and his life—revolved around how he performed on the field. When he confronted his own fear of failure and the collapse of that dream, he didn’t bail—he embarked on a journey that led him into sports psychology and ultimately to revolutionize how high performers train their heart under pressure. And in this episode, we go deep into what it takes to rebuild when your identity is shattered and discover excellence fused with peace. Jim and I talk about what it’s like to go through failure that feels public, permanent, and personal. He shares what it took to confront the shame, rebuild from the ground up, and discover that leadership isn’t about titles or trophies—it’s about who you are when everything else is stripped away. His story is raw and real, but it’s also filled with hope. We dive into the mindset shifts that kept him going when most people would’ve quit, and how he found a deeper purpose on the other side of loss. Jim doesn’t sugarcoat the process—he’s honest about the mistakes, the doubts, and the long road back. But through it all, he shows us that true greatness isn’t found in the spotlight. It’s forged in the shadows, in the moments when no one’s watching, and you still choose to rise. If you’ve ever faced a setback that felt too heavy to carry, or wondered how to lead when you don’t feel like you’ve got anything left to give, this conversation will remind you that failure isn’t final. It’s often the very soil where your greatest calling starts to grow. Key Takeaways: Why leadership is revealed in failure, not just success How to confront shame and rebuild your confidence after loss The mindset shifts that allow you to rise when life knocks you down Why titles and achievements will never define true leadership How to find your deeper purpose in the middle of setbacks This isn’t just about bouncing back—it’s about becoming someone stronger, wiser, and more impactful because of the storm. Lean in, and let Jim’s story remind you what it means to lead when it matters most. — Max Out.   ⁠👉 SUBSCRIBE TO ED'S YOUTUBE CHANNEL NOW 👈⁠   → → → CONNECT WITH ED MYLETT ON SOCIAL MEDIA: ← ← ←  ➡️ ⁠INSTAGRAM⁠   ➡️⁠FACEBOOK⁠   ➡️ ⁠LINKEDIN⁠   ➡️ ⁠X ⁠  ➡️ ⁠WEBSITE⁠  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Scotia Bank, you're richer than you think. This is the admirer show. All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. So I was just telling this man off camera, he's written one of the best books I've read. and you all know I read a lot of books I read a lot of books before this podcast started a decade ago and I read a couple hundred a year you know deciding who's going to be on the show and just to grow myself and I I don't have a book I would put in front of this book that I've read the last few years it's it's that good he's a New York times bestselling author former baseball player so I like that about him a lot um he's a faith-based person which I enjoy as well and his book just took off if you watch any football last year the Philadelphia Eagles who won't on the Super Bowl.

A.J. Brown starts reading this guy's book on the sidelines during a playoff game and it caught fire. And thank God it did because you should read this book. It's that good. He works with executives. He works with professional athletes. We both do some work, which is really unique work with PGA tour players as well. And it's all about your mind. And this book and your heart, by the way, more your heart than your mind according to him. But anyway, my guest today has written a book called Inner Excellence, Jim Murphy. Really, really good to have you here, brother. Thank you for being here. Thanks so much for having me. It's such an honor. I poured through this book. And it's not a quick read either. It's a great read, but you're not going to finish this book

in a day, everybody. But I poured through it. Let me start out. Jim, I'm going to read something to you that you wrote in the beginning of the book. You said, this is the mindset of inner excellence. You said, I compete. Everyone, listen to this closely. I compete to raise the level of excellence in my life to learn and grow in order to raise it in others. I just want to start out with that as a concept because that says a lot in one very long sentence there. Talk about that a little bit. You know, and I think there's so many similarities that we talked about before we started here between why you're successful and what you're sharing with the world and what I'm sharing because you talk a lot about identity and how that really you understood when you're growing up

that your identity was holding you back and you had to change that identity. And that's kind of what the Inter-Exference mindset is, is who you are as a person is the most important thing that you bring to the world. The most important thing that you bring to your family, your kids, who you're becoming is the most important thing.

It doesn't matter if you're a college baseball player like yourself at UOP or pro-athlete or stay-at-home mother or father. So that means learning, growing is the number one thing about you the most important thing every day that we do is to learn and grow how do we do that in the book you talk about you call it the daring and the twilight then you have these three pillars of extraordinary performance you guys i don't say this a lot of the show it's such a good book it's so content rich that uh i don't even know that the interview is going to do all of it just to say but what are these three pillars of extraordinary performance and i don't want to tie that

into the heart in a second with you. Yeah, so you can think of it as the acronym BFF, like best friends forever, belief, freedom, and focus. So belief, what I define that as as a subconscious comfort level with what you feel is possible in your life. And we all have beliefs about every single area of our life. And inter-excellance is really about these three areas. Everything that I do with professional athletes or with anybody is to help them in these three areas to expand what they believe is possible, to have more freedom, to play like a kid, and to have fun, and especially joy, and to learn how to be fully engaged in the moment, heart, mind, and body, unattached to what you're trying to do. Did you do this because you

struggled with it? Like the joy piece? Or did you write about it because this is stuff you're all so great at? Well, I think more so understanding that human nature, we're creative for glory. And I think lack of freedom is one of the biggest challenges that we all face professional athletes especially about all of us a lack of freedom because there's so much comparison and joy is like that fulfillment of freedom i think of joy as a deep sense of well-being freedom and gratitude this inter buoyancy independent of circumstance whereas happiness is a as a positive temporary feeling based on what's happening and so it's like professional athletes they come to me because they want some surface level thing. They want to be, you know, they want to perform better. They want to

make more money or whatever. They want to become a world champion. And so it's like they're coming to me for happiness. They want better results in circumstances. And I teach them how to have joy. I teach them how to like what you do is help them have an identity that's powerful and meaningful and understanding. Like I said, creative for glory. There's two things there. I just want to reiterate one was you said independent of circumstance that's the kicker for most people their joy their freedom their peace is extremely conditional on what's going on at any given time and truly free people it's non-conditional it's non-circumstantial and so everybody just evaluate that and I think here's a piece that might help you do it you have these things in

the book about you know here's some pillars and then here's some stuff to drop I couldn't believe this is the first thing because it's one of the things I've talked about a lot. You just talk about it far better than I do. But that is there is a difference between your beliefs and your thoughts and they're not the same thing. Yet most people think I am my thoughts. And I think this is one of the great breakthroughs of life. If you can begin to understand this right here is that you are not your thoughts all of the time. I want you to talk about that. Yeah, it's so important to understand i think of it as you are not your mind and you are going to have some terrible thoughts are going to come into your head sometimes and here's what's crucial to understand the most successful

people in the world and anything have terrible thoughts sometimes horrible thoughts that could they could be about you know killing somebody or whatever and so important to understand that you're going to have horrible thoughts come into your mind that just come from from the culture or come into your head from somewhere outside of you and they have nothing to do with you and so we've got to understand that you are not your mind it's a part of you and you need to train and especially you or not your thoughts because what happens to most people is they fuse with their thoughts they think a bad thought or a negative thought and they're like yeah that's that's true i am that and that's that's really crucial to understand it's important to know where that comes from i've always had the

theory that a lot of our thoughts were probably installed in us when we were defenseless and younger and we gathered maybe them from mom or dad or people that were around us and and so truly these more than likely aren't your thoughts they're your moms they're your dads they're a coach they're a teacher do you agree with that yeah and so now we're getting into beliefs because you know here here in spain we have these valencia oranges and when you squeeze an orange what's going to come out it's always orange juice right it's never apple juice it's it's it's never pear juice it's always orange juice and so that's the same with us when we when we're squeezed when we're under pressure what's in our heart is going to come out and so what's in your heart your heart is what's running

your life and what I define as your heart is your spirit or your will it's the deepest part of you like your soul and that's what we need to transform we need to get to the neural level where when you're squeezed what comes out is inner strength and now so now we're getting into beliefs and subconscious work and it's important to understand that beliefs are feelings not every feeling is a is a belief but but beliefs are feelings so we want to make sure that we're getting into our heart into our mind these images and words and thoughts and feelings every day that are empowering help us do that give us an example or a technique or strategy that can help somebody begin to build the the building blocks of doing that yeah so one one of the first

things to do is to make sure that you're very aware of and intentional about the words that you use and so people come to me as a performance coach like a pro athlete and generally when they're underperforming and they might say you know you you love golf right and so they might say um like i'm really struggling with my putting for example yeah and it's it's really just not true when they tell me that and the reason is because what they're saying is a present tense thing i'm struggling with my putting, putting, struggling as an, as the I-N-G war ending, that's a present tense word. What they mean is last tournament, this morning, last week, every tournament for the last

10, whatever, I haven't putted like I wanted to. And so, but when you say it as present tense, now we've got beliefs coming in that you're reinforcing a limiting belief. And so we've got to make sure we never reinforce limiting beliefs. We always say, the way we do that is an inter-execlance discipline, which is to speak. the truth about the past to create possibilities in the future so we always say anything that we don't want to continue as past tense meaning so speaking the truth would be hey i need some help because last tournament i didn't putt well as opposed to say i'm struggling with my putting i'm just trying

to help everyone have yeah so it's just it's not true to say i'm struggling with my putting unless you're in the middle of a putting stroke at this moment right it's literally not true so when you say it as it's present tense what happens remember beliefs are that key thing that's what's running your life is your beliefs and so we want to make sure that we're continually expanding what we believe is possible and every time we say something about the past that we don't want to continue as present tense we're reinforcing what we do not want and this is crucial because beliefs is what's running your life can you speak a new belief into existence if you truly don't believe it meaning like this is just used putting but it could be sales it could be public speaking it could be

being a mom do you buy into the idea that i can say i'm a great putter and i'm beginning to change my beliefs by steeply speaking it or is there more two things here that's really crucial one we think about your life and changing identity is that possible and two are can you change beliefs is that possible and both are absolutely truly like you're living proof that you can change your identity like like yeah thank you and so you're you're growing up you had this very limiting I'm an imposter you know I'm I can't do this here we go again yeah that's who I am I you know I'm a failure whatever those sort of beliefs that you had and then you change that and so your identity can change which is crucial um and we can get to more more of that later but

the problem with imposter syndrome is a really a self-centered thing one of the main things it's a self-centered thing it's it's constantly thinking about me and i'm the one who can't do it but when you're at your very best there's no thoughts about self selfless is fearless i love this okay we're going to go there right here most people look at an athlete or a friend of theirs that brags a lot or is clearly narcissistic and they go that's an egomaniac right there right and then they look at themselves and they say no I'm humble I have a ton of humility by struggle with my confidence and they think that's not ego but you sort of stipulate in the book it's very much still ego because you're thinking about you all the time so ironically a lot of people who

are humble or have humility that usually that sort of there's an interstate section there with they're a little quiet they struggle with their confidence we all can kind of see that most people would say this person is absent of ego you sort of say it's sort of the same disease it's just manifesting itself in different symptoms when you have these experiences this is so profound right here because i've also said this in my own weird way you just like again say it better so talk about that for a second if you're really experiencing self-centeredness that's ego yeah exactly so i define humility as an accurate view of self. So it's not overinflated and it's not underinflated. Because if we think that every person is created in God's image and has this infinite possibilities, the problem is we get in

our own way. We start thinking, I can't do this. We start talking about the past as if it's present tense. And then we have these limiting beliefs. But like I said, when there's no concern, when you're at your very best, whether it's you, you playing center field at Pacific or or me playing baseball or football it's when we're at our best there's no thoughts of self right it's you're fully in the moment and that's that's the self-centeredness that leads to fear that's our biggest challenge self-centeredness leads to fear that's in the book I want to unpack it just a little bit more because you say all these brilliant things because this is your work you own it but someone hearing it for the first time would very easy they're driving in their car right now they're taking their

walk they're they're on a treadmill okay and it kind of goes by them so just pull that out a little more. Talk about that a little bit. I left for the desert to go figure out what to do with my life and find something that I was ready to live and die for. And that's where Inter Excellence was born after five years of full-time writing and research. It was on how to have the most peace and confidence under the most pressure. Yes. And what I found in the desert is that self-centeredness is the biggest challenge that we face in performance and in life because it leads to fear. And I'll share with you how it works. So we need to think about ourselves in order to just to get through life. You know, we've got to feed ourselves and clothe ourselves and bathe and look both

ways when we cross the street. So this is the challenge because when we constantly think about ourselves, we have a subconscious that reminds us. Our subconscious is really there to protect us and to line up our results and circumstances with our beliefs. And so the protection is it knows all your failures, it knows all your weaknesses. So when you start thinking about yourself, subconscious is like, oh, yeah, what about this? What about that? You failed here, you feel there who are you to do this and so we've got to be careful about thinking about ourselves we don't want to think about ourselves too low because you're created for glory we don't want to think about ourselves too high both of them are inaccurate we just want to have an accurate view of yourself

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I watched this yesterday. We're recording this. You guys won't hear it for a while. Did you watch the PGA tour yesterday? You see Fleetwood on the last hole? I didn't hear that. Yeah, okay. Well, I just watched him.

He's such a, he's known as, Tommy Fleetwood is known as one of the nicest guys on the PGA tour. And he had a significant lead yesterday. I think he was seven shots up on Keegan Bradley. Anyway, still has a one shot lead. And he's in the middle of the fairway on 18. And he kind of fat, a wedge to the green still if he two putts he's probably going to win it he ends up three putting bradley birdies and fleetwood loses again and he's just had a hard time winning and

afterwards he said first thing he said was i guess i'm too focused on myself i'm too focused on myself those words back words bro so like you're a million percent right okay we're going to get into we're going to shift gears a little bit so when you're listening to him you would think okay so i got to really work on my mind that's what i got to work on but you say actually not really what you got to work on is your heart and this is not normally what you would hear from a sports performance coach i think you would agree with me right it's usually uh visualization techniques mental rehearsals which there's some stuff in there as well but let's talk about the heart stuff for a minute and just extrapolate that for everybody yeah so the way i think of it is we use the mind to train

the heart. Okay. In other words, like when I said earlier, when you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out. When you squeeze a person, what's inside their heart is what's going to come out. It's not what's inside your mind. It's what's inside your heart. Your heart is where your deepest fears are and your greatest dreams are. If you want to help anyone, including yourself, your kids, the most important thing is to get to their heart. And so it can start by what are your greatest fears and greatest dreams. What do you love the most and what do you fear the most because what you love and fear the most that's what's running your life that's the behind the scene program running yeah by the way this is just outstanding you guys ever hear an interview that's just

so rapid fire point after point after point that's why his work is so good it's through listening to people that i think live greatly and by the way i'd put at least half of those people that i'm about to describe to you aren't affluent people they just live greatly they're their heart-centered people they're living on their purpose they're living their dream i kind of feel like a great life is whatever your blueprint of your life is you sort of live it and it kind of looks like what you'd like it to look like to me that's a great life and one of the things as i got older i think when i was young my identity was more like i'm a butt kicker i'm a i'm intense i'm a competitor i'm a whatever you know which served me at a certain age as i got older i realized how little i know in life in fact every day

that goes by, I realize how little I know and how fortunate I am that I've got this far in my life thinking I knew so much more than I actually really did. I was like a delusionally confident person. But anyway, what I sort of adopted over time from listening to these people and exposure I've got to be on certain boards I've been fortunate to sit on is most of them sort of their internal identity is like that of a learner. And a lot of them even use that word and over time it's sort of like i'm fascinated and curious about experiences that i'm going to learn from i find that that takes the pressure off of me it's my most solid identity and in the first thing you say in the book here's 10 new empowering presuppositions every circumstance and

every person you encounter is here to teach you and help you it's all working for your good Guys, that's the game right there. I think it's the most important thing. Have you found that with the people you work with as well? And is there any hack or thought or saying or something you say to guide somebody in that direction to become that way? Well, that is the first principle of inter excellence. And so it's the number one thing that every client, everyone that reads inter excellence, I want them to understand and learn and commit to memory because it's a very, very dramatic statement.

everything and everyone I encounter is here to teach me and help me. It's all working for my good. And so, as I said earlier, learning and growing, that's the number one goal. And if it's all working for your good in the long term, and often we're not going to know in the short term, how this is good. You know, I mean, what if you got cancer? What if some horrible thing happens? Because there is evil in the world. But in the end, it's all here. There's learning for every single thing that happens in your life. And so first is committing that to memory. And then, working on it every day because I just had a family member go through something so tragic I mean just about as bad as it could be for a for a mother I'll just leave it at

that you can all probably figure out what that thing might be and I was talking to her yesterday and I was I'm preparing for this interview and I said maybe this is the worst time to put this philosophy in front of you because it's the it's the most extreme stress test of whether it's accurate or not but what if this somehow is still working for your good and when I first said it to her she didn't reject it summarily but she's like that's probably going to be a hard one for me to get to now and uh she called me back last night really late and I actually grabbed the call I for some reason was looking at my phone it was very late and she said you know I just I'm thinking

about something I've sort of drifted from my faith the last many many years and I'm wondering if this is supposed to be the dramatic thing that calls me back to my faith. And I said, wow, the fact that you could find this blessing, this working for your good in something that nobody would blame you if you didn't. Yeah. You're so extraordinary. So I just want you guys to know, and even in the most extreme cases, that's, that's, it can be true.

What about this intersection of, you kind of have faith, personal development? And there's like this intersection you sort of describe that I think the circumstances the other day. You merge all this together. Talk about that intersection of the variables. I shared earlier that the heart is the number one part of your life. You know, the deepest part is where your greatest fears and greatest dreams are in training. It's the most important thing that you'll ever do. And so if we want to optimize human behavior, then it's really understanding how humans work and the great need and our deepest needs.

and our deepest need as humans is for love and connection. It's our unconditional love is our greatest need. It's our greatest power and our greatest desire. And likewise, our greatest fear is rejection to lose out on that love and connection. And so most people spend their entire lives, largely unknowingly, trying to get more love and connection and acceptance

their whole life by making more money, being more successful, getting more status. And they're really just trying to get that love and connection, love and acceptance. And so if you understand that, that's so important because then you can really pursue that. Do you think people confuse I did, maybe do, but I'm aware of it, they conflate and confuse significance and recognition with love and connection because it feels very similar. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. And this is the big challenge with people that are talented. If you're very talented, what's going to happen? And especially if you combine

talent with hard work, what's going to happen is you're going to get some success, right? And you're going to get that love, right? And so what are you going to? So then you, when you're talented and success, you set higher goals, right? And then you don't succeed. Now you're going to have some sort of a failure and you're going to lose that love. You're not going to get the cheers and people are going to judge you. And so then what are talented and successful? people do well i got to get more of that love i got to be more successful so then they try harder and then you know a worldwide pandemic could come and shut everything down like there's so much out of your control and so that's why it's so crucial to have a clear purpose for your life that goes beyond

results and circumstances say that guys you hear that you have to have a clear purpose for your life that goes beyond results and circumstances and one of the reasons so many of us conflate or confuse significance or recognition with love and connection is when we were kids we felt loved more by our parents if we brought home A's or we had a home run or we did good at a recital and so we begin to conflate this and we chase these things our entire lives and as somebody who's you know everybody if I could save you some time as somebody who's been rather fortunate at acquisition of recognition or significance I can tell you that it is not love and connection even when you get it. And the pursuit of that as your main life goal will leave you very empty. And I think it's

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That's greenlight.com slash ed to get started. Greenlight.com slash ed. Here's one thing you say in the book because we have to deal, interact, or love in your case, you say in the book, with other human beings. It's getting harder, harder in the world. to live with inner excellence and still interact with the way the world has become uh people are divisive we disagree about politics we disagree about money we disagree about religion manners you know cultural norms and i even find myself when i'm in public sometimes going

how are you letting your kids behave like that or what's the and and i'm like what's the what do i need to believe that i don't have these feelings sometimes about people that i love And I want to talk about that. It's number five of the pillars. But can you talk about people in general and how we should view them? Well, what I, it's so important to understand is that everyone does the best they can with what they have in their heart. This is a very controversial thing. And I know there's going to be listeners and viewers like, whoa, whoa, whoa, Harold, he's not doing that or Bobby Sue is not doing that.

And it totally makes sense. I totally get it. And so I'll say it one more time. everyone does the best they can with what they have in their heart. And so it's saying a couple things. One is that your heart is where all your actions come from. Like I said, when you're squeezed, what's in your heart is going to come out. And so, and two, what I'm saying is that according to that person's childhood, their wounds, their fears, their beliefs, their lens for seeing the world, that was the best they could do in that moment. I'm not saying it was good. Sometimes people do

horrible horrible things i'm just saying what's in their heart came out and that's what it was and so if they're doing the best they can with what they have is it wise to judge them the only wise thing is to say look i if i can see that i would have made a better choice what a gift i was given i was given maybe some some more love or peace or joy that i can that i wouldn't have done that And so compassion is the only wise response. And the reason that's the most wise response is, and by the way, you guys, there's so much in this book that I know we're already going through a lot. We're going to get through 2%, like literally. But the reason that it's wise, and this is the overall reason I think you wrote the book, is, and I've learned this.

Like, I'm not a master of it, but I've improved at it, right? And that is that you basically say in the book, here's the deal, the person who's in the most control of their inner world has the most power. I would say the most equanimity, which is what you described earlier, peace under duress, right? So like more and more of you, I don't want you to elaborate on this, you're so, our phones do it, our eyes do it, we're so obsessed with outside of us. What's outside of us? How is someone treating me? How do I respond? What's going on in the world?

What did I just fail at? What was their response? And it's outside all the time. Every single happy person I know is inside more than they are outside. I can't say they're inside and their inner world all the time. They're not. But a higher percentage of the time, I would say. You talk better about it than I do, obviously.

But talk about that a little bit, this inner world and reclaiming power or having power. let's talk about an upcoming golf tournament say the british open okay whoever wins that event is going to walk by faith not by sight what i mean by that is they're not going to get caught up in temporary circumstances they're going to not get caught up with the balls oh it's in a divot or you know oh you know what bad luck and how does this happen to me you just can't afford that you've got to stay connected to the vision and this is so crucial and this is what the best people do they find a way to stay connected to the vision and not to the circumstances okay um one of the ways i do that i think is what i would use as the word is perspective again as i've gotten older my faith has played a

much more prominent role in my perspective in other words the context of what something means I think sometimes we tend to overblow a moment because if I don't make this put to win the British Open, if I don't close the sale, if this person won't go on a date with me, the magnitude of it is gigantic. When you begin to have a perspective about how short of a period of time we are and everlasting life or heaven or faith, it creates perspective, at least for me. And I know faith is important to you as well. I mean, I know you're about to make a major life move where you're dedicating a gigantic part of your life to your faith walk, which I admire so deeply.

Talk about faith, the inner world, and how that applies to inner excellence. Well, you know, it's kind of like that idea of whoever wins the British Open is going to walk by faith, not by sight. And this is not just the British Open. This is for everyone that's super successful. They have this inner peace in the midst of chaos. And so that's what inner excellence is. How do I get inner peace in the midst of chaos? And I'll give you one way to do that so inner peace is directly linked to gratitude they go hand in hand and in fact there's five things that i think of that are very connected there's gratitude inner peace inner strength mental toughness and beauty and in gratitude can be hard sometimes because we're emotional beings and here's

how you can get better at gratitude is every day we want to look for the smallest moments the smallest that you're given and at the end of the day if you go through your day and find at least three gifts because i mean you're given hundreds of gifts every day all of us but if you can find at least three gifts and we want to make sure there's specific moments because if you say i'm grateful for my family that's great but it doesn't train your subconscious we want to train the subconscious to see more beauty and see more gifts by looking for the smallest specific moment like what like man my pillowcase feels good on my face this morning or i mean are you talking about things like that Well, I'm, yeah, but I'm also going to, like, imagine that anxiety is a big challenge right now.

There's so many people that have anxiety, right? And anxiety really is a mind in general with too many thoughts from too many concerns. And so that's why we need one underlying purpose for your life so we can stop looking which way at all these different things coming at us. But it's really saying, I may have had anxiety for all day today, but was there any moments where I didn't. Oh, that one moment when I was walking my dog, I didn't have anxiety. We're grateful for that moment. And so when you can find these moments. And so when people are struggling, find the few moments that were, okay, I didn't have anxiety in that moment. So because

it's easy to think, oh, you know, and catastrophes and like, you know, I just, all these terrible things have happened to me. But what about the gifts? And so as you get better at seeing the small moments you're going to build more inner peace and that'll bring more inner strength when my dad died um i was with him we were in his home and um just a lot of things struck me when he passed away it struck me that you know we're not our possessions you know his car was you were you were 15 when he became sober is that right bro your your preparation and reading is just it exceeds mine and i'm interviewing you yes i was and so and how old were you when he died uh i was uh i was uh 52, 52, 35, 15, yeah, my dad was sober 35 years, so maybe I was 50, 51, okay.

And I was with him and just struck me. A couple things struck me. I walked back in after he had passed away because it was about an hour and a half before the Hearst was going to come and my mom and my sisters would prefer not to be in the room. And I thought, oh, there's dad. And I walked in to get close to him. And as I got closer to him, I went, that's not dad. whoever my father was was no longer in that room his body was but he was not his body it was the most

almost the most deep confirmation of my faith ever like he was right there but that was no longer my father and i never knew more in my life that were a soul and then the other thing that struck me jim was that uh my dad's possessions were all around him he didn't take any of those with him his awards were in the room you don't take your accolades but the other thing that he did not take with him. My dad had problems when he passed away like every human being does and fears and worries and concerns and anxieties and insecurities. And none of those went with him. So were they even really real? Is what I started to think. And you say in the book, I messed the saying up, but basically the problem isn't the problem. The problem is the way

you're looking at the problem in life. Life is a process of solve. problems from time to time. I got to hear your take on that more deeply. Yeah, so Inter-Exference really is about getting into this flow of residence every day. The energy that you have every day is the most important thing about you. And because your energy is creating these beliefs, and it's really who you're becoming. So the state that you enter, when you think about the problem is the most important thing about you, that's the problem. And so when we judge something, because if you want to, if you want to have an extraordinary life or just have a good day, we've got to really reduce the judgment.

And when I say judgment, I mean, laying down a negative verdict about self, circumstances, or others. And so like being judgmental. Because when you're judgmental, then we lose our curiosity. We lose creativity. We lose our ability to problem solve. Our vision greatly narrows. So we really got to work on reducing judgment. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. I got to tell you, I'm glad that they do because, you know, people ask me all the time. What do most of the guests on your show have in common? Because there's all these different industries and stories. I'd say the one thing, most of them have been to therapy. And I've been to therapy. I think it's a great thing, whether you've had a lot of trauma in your life and it's extreme and needed to work through it.

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Maslow and the Maserati. I'm going all the way back to the beginning because I haven't touched on it, but I think a lot of this strife and stress in our life is because of this pursuit of something that you talk about in the book. I think it's just like never ending, especially in Western culture.

Yeah, like Western culture I talked about has this affluenza virus, this virus of the heart that's obsessed about how you look. And I mentioned the acronym, the palms, your possessions, achievements, looks, money, and status. And it's because we have this deep need for love and acceptance. And if I get the possessions and looks and, you know, achievements and money and status, then I'm going to, theoretically, I'm going to get the love that I want.

And so it's this surface level obsession with getting something that's far more deep and meaningful than we know how to pursue. So we just go for the surface. And so Inter Excellence is saying, let's go for what you truly want and create something that's lasting, build a life that's lasting and then you'll be better at everything else is there like a daily practice you do you're a unique do so everybody he's in spain right now he's about to have a rotation between sort of inner city philadelphia where he's doing real servant work and living in spain you coach athletes but you're very faith-based man the work that you do with these athletes and when you hear inner excellence i don't

think it's there's so much more depth to it than would meet the initial i and i'm just curious like is there daily practices you do to train your subconscious that that you might want to share one or two of them with us oh yeah for sure um you know i think of like fueling your heart it's so crucial everything that you're you're constantly feeling your heart is what's running your life right your heart your spirit your will and your subconscious and so everything that you read watch listen to people you spend time with. It's creating who you're becoming. And so we really want to be intentional about the words that we say, the things that we read and watch and listen to. Like, for example, we've got to be very careful about taking in news and audio and video because that, you know,

the whole premise behind the news, if it bleeds, it leads. And so there's a lot of negative news. And so we've got to be very careful. If you want to live your dreams or max out, then we really want to make sure that we're training our heart to love most, what's most empowering. And that takes a lot of, that takes solitude. It really takes this pursuit of, like, what do I want most? Like, why do I want to have these, achieve these goals? Because the thing is, you have your, the top goals in your life, but are they even good for you?

We don't know. Like, I have the goals that I, you know, I want to achieve these, what I call third world goals, results in circumstances. But are they, I don't even know if they're good. for me at all. I think they are. Of course, I want to achieve these things. And, you know, I want to be this incredible performance coach. And I want to share God's love, wisdom, and courage with athletes and leaders all around the world. But as far as my specific goals about how to do it, I don't even know if they're the right goals are good for me. And so that's why it's so important

to hold your goals loosely and focus more on who you're becoming. Yeah, I want to talk about that. There are two more things for you that hold your goals loosely. Probably the hardest thing for me to describe and the thing I vacillated the most on when I coach is outcomes, is goals. And this nuance between having a goal that you prepare for, but in the moment of execution, essentially separating from the outcome and just being present, this nuance, I wish I were, I'm getting better at my understanding of it and my description of it and how I teach it. but I'm wondering if you sort of tend to agree with that same concept and how you would word it. Yeah, I mean, it's, you know, I'm a performance coach like yourself. I teach people how to have peace and confidence under pressure and also achieve extraordinary things. But like I said, people come to me for their mindset is I just want to achieve these things.

And I help them understand how do you want to live? How do you want to feel? Who do you want to become? What do you want most in your life? Why do you want to become world number one? What is it that that you truly want? because let's create that life because there's so much out of your control then what you really want like like for example if we look at Rory McElroy just you know just he wins this major and was that

the best thing for him I know yeah was it the best thing for JJ Spahn to win the US Open I mean we don't know did they really want to yes but is it what you really want is always best for you we know that's not true right what you always want is not always what's best for you And so that's why it's so important to pursue who you're becoming and love, wisdom, and courage. I think of the three most powerful resources in the world. Love, wisdom, and courage. You know, it's interesting, everybody. When I do deep work with people, and they'll say, I want to be number one in the world, or I want to be a millionaire, or whatever it might be, and I'll ask them why, and I'll ask them why.

You'd be amazed how blank most people get when you ask them why. And you know what the answer is for a lot of you that are listening? just because you've always wanted it. You don't even remember why you wanted it. It's just, it's always been there, and it's like I've just kept saying it for the last decade, and so, like, I need to finish that goal. But it's okay to re-audit your life and what matters to you.

It's okay, and it's okay, by the way, to be number one in the world. In fact, it's extraordinary. There's nothing wrong with that at all. I think it's tremendous. But you ought to dig a little deeper as to why. And by the way, the more deeply you understand why you want something, the more you will find the reserves and the resources is to actually accomplish it.

When you've just got goals you stipulate over and over again and not real depth of understanding of why, you literally shrink to adversity under pressure because the reason is not bigger than the pressure you're feeling. So I just want you all consider that. Well, what's so important is to understand you, every one of us has our own idea of what the best possible life looks like. Like for me as a baseball player, you know, for you in college as well,

it's to be a pro baseball player and to make it to the big leagues and become an all-star. That was my idea. That was my vision of what I thought the best possible life was like. But I didn't know. You didn't know that there was a better life that God had prepared for you that you didn't know about. And that's so important to understand is that the life that you, the goals that you have and the life that you picture, there may be a far better way to live with deep contempt and joy and confidence in any circumstance than one that you've ever pictured. Likely, that's the truth. It's like, you know, you have 17, is it 17? businesses something like that yeah so you have all these businesses and and how do you be successful

as an entrepreneur you've got to be willing to take detours and like and you get it out to the world and you're like okay that didn't work when to try something else right yes and so this is it's the same thing in life you have to be willing to fail you have to be willing to look foolish and master your ego in order to do anything great oh gosh you're so good bro last question because we talked about it earlier and when we tease something we need to finish with it which was identity and I just want you to talk about the concept of it and how people might misalign it and how they might get more clarity and directedness on identity because I feel like it's the underlying driving force of our lives is this concept of identity but I want your take on it. Yeah, I mean, identity is one of

the five deep needs of the heart to feel like you have a sense of worth and that you are somebody and that you can contribute something of value to the world. This is one of the five crucial deep needs of the heart. And if it's not met, if you don't feel like you have some sort of identity, you're going to do anything you can to get that met. And so I work with Christians and non-Christians and atheists and it doesn't matter because I don't tell people what to do or what to believe. I help them clarify what they want most and I help them get it. But understanding human nature and human behavior is so helpful and crucial. And understanding that everyone, that unconditional love is our greatest need and desire and so i help people like what do you really want i know it's that

they want to feel loved they want to love and feel love and so that's that's what inter excellence is the pursuit of that by the way everybody just just to finish on that i just want to reiterate what he said everybody you meet wants to be loved and feel loved even the biggest baddest most achieving person in the world when people probably ask you how do you connect with these athletes or well-known people they'll ask me as well. I know they have a flashing sign on their forehead that says love me, care about me, believe in me. Don't recognize me. Everybody recognizes them already. But can they get a sense from you, the people that you meet, your Uber driver, a flight attendant? If you met me, if you met Jim, I love you. I care about you. You're lovable. You matter. You're special.

And I can tell you that if you begin to just look at humans that way, they begin to respond to you differently as well. What's really hard for people is to let go of their past. And I think we were talking about identity is to know that you are not your past. And if you have unlimited possibilities, you and everyone that's watching and listening, if you're willing to let go of your past, are you willing to let go of who you've been to become who you're meant to become? Are you willing to face your fears and face these feelings that maybe you haven't wanted to face in the past? Because if you can face those feelings and if you're willing to let go and look foolish and make mistakes and fail in front of the world and be okay with letting that go then you can do great things and right now

the world needs hope and you are what the world needs oh my gosh guys uh you just listened or watched an all-timer put this in a time capsule you could listen to it 30 years from now it'll be equally relevant um this was like jim this was an extraordinary experience for me and conversation and i want to thank you for today it was excellent no pun intended so thank you thank you so much for having me hey everybody go get inner excellence the author is jim murphy and you just spent an hour worth spending your life just got better all right everybody god bless you max out your life