THE ED MYLETT SHOW - Transform Your Identity w/ Bob Harper

Episode Date: December 14, 2021

He hosted The Biggest Loser on television, but BOB HARPER is a BIG WINNER when it comes to being one of the most recognizable fitness experts today. In this week’s episode, you’re going to get a big dose of TRUTH from Bob about battling obesity and LEADING A HEALTHIER LIFESTYLE.  We’re going to talk about how you can make changes in your life, both mentally and physically, so you can better PROTECT YOURSELF and find your peak state, especially when it comes to CARDIAC HEALTH. Bob is a successful author who has written three New York Times bestsellers.  He has also educated countless people through his series of DVDs on working out and staying healthy and is a personal trainer to the stars, with clients such as ELLEN DEGENERES and JENNIFER JASON LEIGH. But one of the most fascinating and unexpected chapters in Bob’s life was his well-publicized heart attack in 2017 at age 52.  Despite outwardly being the picture of perfect health, Bob goes into detail about how he almost succumbed to that near-fatal attack.   In fact, HE FLATLINED FOR NINE MINUTES and spent two days in a coma before eventually recovering. As you might imagine, that traumatic event deeply affected his psyche and his CORE IDENTITY. That led to a lot of SOUL SEARCHING and some dramatic changes in Bob’s life. Bob talks about dealing with PTSD, EMOTIONAL TURMOIL, and PIVOTING to find a NEW SENSE OF SELF. Every one of us has faced life-changing moments like this or will soon enough.  That’s what makes our conversation PERSONAL, ESSENTIAL, AND COMPELLING.  I want you to listen and reflect on how something like this applies to you. We also talk about practical ways to think about and achieve meaningful weight loss.  Hint…it all starts in your HEAD before you see results in your WAIST!  Bob and I also get into building GOOD HABITS, the RIGHT ENVIRONMENT, and SUPPORT TEAM, which are critical elements to losing and keeping weight off.   The bottom line is, BOB HARPER knows a lot about HEALING.   Listen closely, because he can TEACH you a lot about it, too.

This is the end my let show. I welcome back to the program everybody. I'm so excited to have this man here today. You all know who he is. You've seen him. He's one of the biggest health and fitness experts on the planet. New York Times about selling off their most of you probably know him from the biggest loser.

But if you've not been paying attention,'s another little deal here this guy was dead for nine minutes. How about that? That'll get your attention if you're driving. Yeah gone for nine, gone for nine minutes and so we're going to talk today about one of the most interesting stories you're ever going to hear in your life and then we're going to transition and talk about transformation and change because he's maybe a handful of people on planet Earth that are the experts at doing this with human beings and Bob is one of them. So Bob Harper, welcome to the program, brother. I'm glad to be here.

Thanks for having me. I'm thrilled to have you, man. So let's get into the most recent events in your life. So you're one of the fittest dudes on Earth, training five, six, seven days a week. You're known for up another people get fit. You're at the gym, the workouts about to end and tell us what happens. This is shocking. Well, I'll tell you what I'm about to tell you are all the stories that were told to me,

because I don't remember that day. I don't remember getting up that morning, walking my dog. I don't remember going to the gym that day. My friend said that I was working out with. He said that I was complaining about being really busy and he said that I just seen kind of out of it. The next thing I knew, I woke up in a hospital two days later, being told not only did I have a heart attack, but I had gone into cardiac arrest. And so I'll tell you, that was a really eye opening,

jarring experience for me. But it was, I was in the middle of a workout, you know, I was doing CrossFit, I did CrossFit for years. I mean, I love that style of working out. And it was, it was in that CrossFit gym that I just dropped out on the fork for about nine minutes. I think sometimes people listen to like, well, I'm 26 years old. Why is this applied to me?

You're going to know why in a minute because there's preventive things you can do. There's some genetic issues for a lot of you. You don't know you have like I didn't know I had, but I'm curious about, did you have any symptoms prior? Were you having more fatigue than normal chest pains, you know, anything like that prior to this incident taking place. Looking at me at that time, I was not someone that you would think would be at risk of having a heart attack.

You think about that person as being overweight, poor diet, smokes, drinks heavily. You know, I was not, I was not any of those, I didn't have any of those qualities. So what I learned in this situation is that I really need to look at my help from the inside out. And that's what I really try to tell people because it doesn't matter how you look. I mean, I'm looking at you right now with your, you know, jacked arms and looking super fit. And I'm like, you know, what's going on with your, with your help?

And you told me you had a heart attack. Yeah. I had a heart issue since I was probably 30 years old. And it's one of the things just for the audience. It's like, listen, you're all busy with different parts of your life. Okay. And, you know, if you're overweight

or you've got diabetes or you smoke, obviously, you know, that you're probably, you know, in line for some sort of cardiac issues. But if you're fit, like most of the people that listen to this show, you think, oh, this is an issue or you're young. Listen, genetics plays a role in this. And you know this as well as I do, maybe you could even speak to this. There are things people can

do in terms of genetic testing right now to find out whether they may be a potential candidate to be at a gym at 50 something early years old and gone for nine minutes of their life. There's genetic testing now, right? Absolutely. I think that it's come down to. There's genetic testing now, right? Absolutely. I think that it's, it can come down to just getting a simple blood test, right? Like really knowing your healthcare provider, asking all the right questions

and asking questions that you don't even know to ask. It's like, I tell people how important it is to have that kind of relationship with your healthcare provider because they are the ones that are guiding you into your longevity, right? So it's like, I don't claim to be a doctor. I don't have all the answers, but like I need to be around the people that know all the

ins and outs of my health. Yeah, it's obvious that you believe in God or the universe or whatever. You were sort of chosen for this. You're like the face of fitness in the country. And then it happens to you. After you're, and by the way, you are around people helping getting the examinations from doctors that were losing all this weight. I just hope everybody hears this. By the way, he has this project he's working on called survivorsheart.com. And it's basically these photographs of people that have had these issues. And if you've ever wondered that there's a face of heart issues or cardiac issues,

you will quickly find out there is not one face. There's men, there's women. That's one thing for the ladies listening to. More and more heart diseases affecting women. I think oftentimes people think this is something that just happens to men because you hear about it. There's two guys talking about today. You study the data. This number one cause of death in women now is their heart. And so we get tested. And the other thing on testing, I'm gonna let you speak to this, but the testing's a lot better than it used to be.

You know, you're gonna, it's not just HDL and LDL. There's big particle, little particle, there's lipoprotein, little A, there's all these things that are markers now guys that you wanna get looked at. Get your labs done. I talk about this all the time on the show.

So, yeah, I I had that was my genetic issue. L.P. Lilay. Me too. You just brought up. And that was something that I was not even aware of didn't know anything about it. And it's a simple blood test. And it's one of those things that you've got to ask your doctor about. It's like, you know, you're doing these blood tests. I mean, you're checking my cholesterol, check my LPA because that's the issue that I had that still a lot of people don't even know about. But it's incredible, you say that because that was my issue. That's incredible because your average general practitioner guys, I think they're like, yeah, we'll test your HDL and LDL.

There are other things now and especially this lipoprotein A that you need to know. So now let's talk about how it affects your life because I'm just super curious. It's two days later, you wake up, you're like, people are probably informing you of what happened. What how did this affect you emotionally? It was really, really difficult. I'll tell you because imagine, think about whatever it is that really identifies who you are. What makes you just get up in the morning and it's a reason to live and it's your driving force and like, that's what health and diet and exercise has always been for me.

It's like, I love to go to the gym. I love that's my community. It's like where I go and it's my stress reliever. Now put in the most horrific thing that has ever happened to me in that situation. So what happened for me is just dealing with PTSD. Like, am I going to have another heart attack? The steer that I had as I'm walking around, I was afraid to be alone.

Like, I could not be alone because if I would have been alone when I had this heart attack, I would be here talking to you right now. People say, Oh, you were able to recover because you were so fit and so healthy. I'm like, no, I'm here today talking to you because there was someone in the gym that day that knew how to perform CPR that was aware of an AED that had the persistence because the AED wasn't working on me because I had already flat line and like an AED won't work unless there's some sort of electric current going on with your heart. And so this man, this doctor who was not even a member of the gym, he was at an event

that day, he said that he saw me. I was blue on the ground and he thought, okay, you know what? I am going to do everything that I can't. Almost busted my rib cage open when I was when I came out of the coma I had pneumonia because they had to put me on ice because what they tried to do was like okay am I gonna survive then I they realized I was gonna survive but then they thought am I gonna be the same person so they had to put me on ice to try to protect my brain, with brain swelling. And so it was, it was really a challenging experience. And what I, what I would gather during this time was

all the people around me, they were very interested in my physical wellbeing and my physical health, which was absolutely what, what they needed to do. but it was the emotional turmoil that I was going through too. It was like, who am I if I am not the fitness guy, right? Who am I that, who is this new person that I had to find a completely new normal and it was super challenging?

They used the AEDs on you multiple times, which is, I'm just picturing this beautiful soul watching, you know, picturing you, your fit. For some reason, the visual for me really affects me, just picturing you there and them kind of get you back in the CPR. And there's another part of me, Bob, I'm just thinking this is sort of destined to some way to be someone, you had the combination of your notoriety already. So you have a platform, you're already fit.

So you're this face of a heart attack that's different from most people. There happens to be the doctor there. This isn't by coincidence that all of these things happened. But I just wanna say that to you, just as a friend as a brother, just like it's got as obvious the writings on the wall and hindsight,

like everything in life, right? But at the time, I have to wonder for you, you said it changed you a little bit emotionally. Has it, because like identity, oftentimes a lot of us I think our identity is tied to what we do. Yes. Not who we are.

And oftentimes an athlete, their career's over. They don't know who they are anymore because they can't do that thing anymore. So what process did you go through to kind of figure out? Was this like the first time you like, who am I? But I got the feeling you had done work like that before, but I'm just I'm curious, what was

it like you're discovering you for the first time? Pretty much because I I've been in the health and fitness business for what over 30 years now. I mean, it's like it is who I am. It is a part of my DNA. So me having this hard attack, I was also very embarrassed. Like one doctor and therapists that I was working with, he had asked me, like, give me one word to describe that whole experience. And the first word that

came to my mind was embarrassed. I'm like, wow. yeah, how did this happen to me? And I remember, I remember my, my, my team, the people that I've been working with for such a long time, you know, everyone was like, Oh my God, is he going to even have a career anymore after this because of what had happened to me? And I remember just like leaning into it, right? I was an open book during my whole recovery time because imagine this, I wasn't able to do any kind of workouts. I was in the hospital for over a week. When I got back, my doctor was like, okay, here's what you can do. You can walk. And I was only able to walk around a block without feeling super fatigued and tired.

And like I was coming from doing CrossFit when I was Olympic lifting. I was like a 210 pound guy that was like fit and I loved it. And now like I'm living in like, you know, the 170s. And I'm having to pivot. That's the word that kind of keeps coming to into my vocabulary as much of like having to pivot because what I can't do anymore is be the person that I was when I was in my 20s, my 30s, or even my 40s. It's like, I don't want to keep searching for that dangling carrot. Like it's at

well, I was able to do all this. Why can't I do this? I'm like, you know what, I can't. And maybe I could if I put the time and the effort, but like it just, it's not interesting to me anymore. I'm like, okay, you know what? I do, I do hot yoga all every day now. I ride my bike. I do workouts like that. And I feel really good with what I'm doing, but it was just, it was having to kind of come to grips

with what had happened to me and learning how to pivot and not just get stuck because I was pissed. I was pissed that this had happened to me. I didn't want to be experiencing this. I was like, I was thought, I'm a superhero. I'm in my fifties and I'm doing these workouts with these 20 and 30-year-old people. And I'm like, that was part of my identity.

And that had to change. And it changed really quickly. Really, really dramatically. I wonder about the pivot thing, because, man, consciousness, human beings right now, there's more people right now pivoting to some extent in their life than ever at any time on the earth, right? Like, either their career ended because of the pandemic or their shifting, or even their whole outlook on things

has changed. Now that they've had more time to reflect on what matters to them, and I get asked this a lot, you know, millions of people listen to this or go to my social media, like I'm changing right now, I'm pivoting. Any advice on that? Like, you know, you had to, it sounds like you had to accept, okay, this is no longer my life. I'm in a new normal. Is there anything beyond that you did? Was it creating a new outcome, a new vision for your life, or was it, what was it that helped you pivot? What did you do?

I think that I just relinquished control. I'm a, and that was very hard for me. I am very type A, I am competitive. I, I, I want to compete with not only you, but myself more than anyone, and just kind of like relinquish that control and realize, you know what? I can't do everything. I don't have all the answers. I want to continue to learn as we move into this into this life. And I don't I

feel like if I feel like I've learned everything that I'm supposed to learn that I need to move on to something else. And so like my life is like pushed me into a place where like, I'm learning things all over again. And that's exciting. And not trying to, like I said earlier, not trying to compare myself to what I used to do. I don't want to live in the past. I have no control over the future. What I have control over is right here and right now. And like, and that helps me, that helps my, you know, that hamster that's in the wheel,

running around in my brain. Yeah. It helps that little hamster in my brain going like this. All right. Just chill out. It's going to be okay. And so, yoga helps me do that. Meditation helps me do that. And so, yoga helps me do that and meditation helps me do that. Yeah, because being present is so hard for achievers and competitive people. And I think they just grabbed you and went, all right, dude, this is it. We're going to have to give you a heart attack, cardiac arrest. Or you weren't going to change.

And it's interesting. I'm 50 now and I'm a control nut as well. And I've just sort of started to surrender a little bit to the moment. And I say everybody to this, I've started to just, just a little, I'm still a nut. I started to, I started to just surrender that, you know what, the truth is a lot of that control I thought I had was a little bit of an illusion.

I was winning and being happy in spite of my control freak ignition, not because of it. And here's the gift. And you just said it. I'm learning a lot more what I'm not trying to control everything. I'm hoping to more things. It's just there's a more beautiful part of the moment in my life than there ever was before because I was always just holding on to what I wanted to move

and do. And you feel the same way? Yeah, absolutely. It's like, it's that white knuckle feeling, right? I'm just like, I'm still there going to like this, I can do this. Whatever this is or whatever it is, I can do it. And I'm going to figure it out. There's always been this like little phrase that my friends say about me. It's like Bob will actually cut his nose off to spite his face. So it's like, you know, having that just obsessive type thinking and what I really try to do.

And it's something that I practice all the time. It's not easy. It's not easy for me to not get twisted about the big things in life or the little things. And I have to make a conscious decision. I have to think about it every single day. And when challenges do come up for me and I, I see myself kind of like white knuckling it again. I'm like, Oh, there's that behavior. And just like

me acknowledging it, it helps me to release it. Does that make sense? A big time. That's the best anyone's ever said it. Acknowledging it helps you release it. Cause I talk a lot about when you're aware of something it loses its power and impact over you. But I like the way that you just said that a lot better. I totally agree with that. And by the way, guys, those of you that are obsessive, I think sometimes, you know, when you get to where Bob and I are at life a little bit older, you know, it's a different season too. Some of you that are in your 20s and 30s and doing something you're like, maybe that obsessiveness, that control thing, maybe at that stage and that season is appropriate for where you are now. Absolutely. I think about when I started working on loser, what was that was 20 something

years ago, I did it for almost 20 years out of my life, which was a really long time. I had no time for anything. I had no time for anything. I had no time for relationships. I had no time for friends. I had no time for anything other than work. And I embraced that. I just realized, OK, I've been given this opportunity. I'm going to take advantage of it. I am going to take it as seriously as possible.

And I did that. And now I am kind of relaxing more and not feeling like I need to do it all right now. Yeah, I think it's important. Everybody has stages of their life. And you know, I'm curious, by the way, last question about this. And then let's talk about loser, biggest loser and helping people transform and the keys to that. But I want to one last thing, because it's a gift. I think the contemplation of death actually helps you appreciate life more. And I think that it's okay to think about your passing. I think it's okay to think about your mortality. I do it a lot. And a lot of the happy people and successful people

I know do think about it. I thought about what I was young. When I was young, I was like, I want to do something great because I only have so much time here in life. Now I look at it differently. We're like, I want to do something great because I only have so much time here in life. Now, I look at it differently. We're like, I want to enjoy myself and give and contribute and have memories and have experiences. But for you, because this is a gift to you, give everybody, because most people haven't

gone through what you went through. How has it changed what matters to you about life in general? What's important to you? Has that, that's, that I would imagine that's a dramatic change. Absolutely. I was always a person that was definitely, excuse the pun,

definitely afraid of death. Like, if I watched any kind of movie that involved dying death, death beds, anything like this, I, it was very upsetting to me. It's like, and I really think about that now. And it's almost narcissistic, right? Like, I'm just like, I can't die. I've got too many things to do.

And it's just like, like, you know what? I thought myself, it was really exited. Like now that I've really analyzed it, it's like, how exhausting on my part. Because we all like you said, you know, it's all inevitable. And so what what I've shifted my thinking is to be able to be so appreciative of where I am. And I know that sounds like some Miss America answer. It's how I feel. It's like I appreciate every single day. I love my dogs. I love my family. The fact that I am here talking with you right now, it's like I'm thinking about nothing else other than you and I.

Like because nothing else matters right now. And it's like being able to to live in that moment and realize, okay, you know what? Something that I was so so afraid of being death. Well, I've already done that, check that out, Melissa. Yeah, let's move on. That's amazing. It just made me kind of a little bit more chill, I guess. Yeah, I don't you mean, that's interesting, because I watch you on TD all these years. I would not have known, because watching the other trainers,

I felt like you were the kind one, if that makes any sense. You were the one that was the most caring, the most connecting with people. And to know that behind that guy, that was you, but also there was this driven sort of psycho dude in there too. Oh yeah. I think for some reason I didn't really connect those two until meeting you now and it's actually makes me feel better about myself than I was a psycho. And I will say, yeah, I've always been kind and I appreciate you saying that. I'm going to lay out the plan. I'm going to give them all the information. I'm going to be their biggest cheerleader.

But it's going to be up to them at the end of the day. I can't be there. I'm going to be there. I'm going to be there. I'm going to be there. I'm going to be there. I'm going to be there. I'm going to give them all the information. I'm going to be their biggest cheerleader, but it's going to be up to them at the end of the day.

I can't be there every single day for the rest of your life. You have to realize that this is the baton that I am handing over to you for you to run into your future. And when I talk to people in that kind of sensible, pragmatic way, I've been able to get really good results from that because you've got to, you, people have got to accept the responsibility. Let's talk about the results. Let's talk about transfer. I'm glad we went there about transformation because everyone's trying to transform something about themselves. Let's listen to this, including me, probably including you, right? And you would take someone in the most

extreme circumstance. So the measuring stick isn't really fair as a trainer, because if you're taking someone who's 8, 10, 12 pounds overweight, they're trying to get fit. I would imagine the success rate is higher because the ratio, the distance they have to close, is less dramatic than someone's got to lose hundreds of pounds and is develop patterns of behavior over years and decades. So the success quote unquote success ratio is gonna be lower because the situations are more extreme. Absolutely.

Long term, I'm assuming most of these people when they get off the show, correct me if I'm wrong, by the way, if I'm wrong, I want to have premises incorrect. But that most of them probably put some weight back on if not a lot of it. Absolutely. Okay, what is the difference with those correct, but that most of them probably put some weight back on if not a lot of it. Absolutely. Okay.

What is the difference with those that stayed fit long term and those that made a short-term change, but not a long-term one, if you could define it? Well, I think that in the beginning, if we're talking about loser specifically, but in the beginning, it was like shooting fish in a barrel, right? I mean, you could just get weight off the people just by changing their diet and getting them to move around a little bit, especially if you've got, you know, a hundred plus pounds to lose, but then it becomes more of, you know, the technical side of it. But what I've always tried to look at when I've worked with the people on the show is to say, okay, you're on this show right now. This is exciting. This is great.

But you have to realize that this show will end. You will go back home and it's going to be up to you to learn everything you can to fill your toolbox up with all the tools that you will need for success. And I think that for a lot of people, and I think that for a lot of people when it comes to weight loss in general, so many people put their weight back on because it's hard. Losing the weight is the easiest part. It's keeping it off because what you have to realize is that you have to change everything

about the way that you used to live. You have to divorce yourself from your whole past as far as the way that you ate if you never exercised before, all these kinds of things, because you've got to implement this into your life for the rest of your life. And that's another pragmatic thing that I would always say. It's like, you're never going to not have to think about this.

Like this is going to be a part of you and you're thinking every single day for the rest of your life. Because that's just how it is. And that's a really hard pill to swallow, but when a person can swallow that pill and realize, okay, this is going to be me. I have one of my really good friends

that actually was a contestant on the show. She won the show and she has two kids. She was able to keep her weight, manages she is now in the fitness industry. She's a soul cycle teacher, like she has been doing it for years. And it's like she had to change everything, but she also had to change the people around her

and get her husband on board. Because no one can do it on their own. You think you can do it on your own, you can't. Yeah, okay, you're on to something that I wanted to talk about here. So for me, there's some elements of the show that work, there's elements with the trainer that work. To me, there's three things when you're making a change.

One, that the show had was there's a competition element to it. And I think sometimes when you leave the show, or you least, you stop competing. Competing is a healthy thing. And it changed you want to make in your life. You better have a competition element, everyone. Long-term, still, that's why CrossFit so popular. It's a competition.

You're not just going to work out. You're competing. So if you're going to change that, you're not drinking. You're going to change that. You're going to be make more money. You're going to change that you're going to be happier. You're competing to change that you're going to be make more money. You're going to change that you're going to be happier. You're competing to do that. The second thing to me was you created an environment.

This is what you just said. I'm going to have you talk to all three of these. Second thing is an environment. If you don't change, change is 50% mental, 50% environmental. So if you don't change your environment to support the new person you want to become, you're toast long term. And then the third one is identity, which you spoke about before. If you still see yourself as a heavy person, even though you've lost weight,

you'll eventually gravitate back towards your identity. If you see yourself as a broke person, even though you're making money now, you'll gravitate back towards that broke person, especially if you're not competing and you're in an environment that doesn't support it. So if we could break those down really quickly. Well, I'm just thinking like competition, you do need that. It's a driving force, right?

It's like, it's all the challenges that you can do with people like co-workers, it's getting ready for a marathon or a five-care, or whatever, like you're going to do a triathlon. Like it's all these things that kind of keep your head in the game. That's what we're saying. We're saying that competition level that you would put yourself in is keeping your head in the game and when it comes to weight loss.

And people are always asking me about what's the right diet, you know, is it keto, is it, uh, uh, uh, I have is like whatever, whatever other diets that are out there. And my thing is whatever diet works for you, whatever eating plan that you can sustain, that I'm going to be your biggest cheerleader and say, yes, do that. And if your doctor says that, um, that's, uh, that's okay for you. That's great because again, it's a competition and where you're just like, okay, I'm doing this diet and maybe you change to do something else. It's like, again, it's a competition and where you're just like, okay, I'm doing this diet

and maybe you change to do something else. It's like, again, keeping your head in the game. So I think people using competition in so many different ways helps you stay on this path. What about your environment, though? Like, I just, here's about how you feel about it. So when they go back, they're, I remember seeing some of the clips when they would go back

and seeing this person who's lost all this weight, and I mean this respectfully, but like, and then I'm looking at their husband, let's say. And that guy was 140 pounds overweight also. And I'm like, wow, they're going back to the same environment long term. And so, do you agree that that's part of the failure process and then

should someone, this is horrible thing, I'm not talking about a spouse, but like, do you have to eliminate certain people from your environment if they don't support the change you want to make? Absolutely. I mean, I think that or you get them on board, just like by from the Libya, she got her husband on board and they did it together because, you know, there's more power in numbers, right? So it's like, you want to have a strong team. It's like, you know, Tom Brady can't do it on his own, even as great as he is. He needs a whole team with him. And so it's like, it's the exact same thing with your environment.

That's why I tell people, it's like, find that friend that you can work out with. Go to group, fit this class, as be around like-minded people. Do all these things that sound silly to a person that is like super fit and just like, can do that on their own. I'm talking about a major majority of people that have never done anything like this before. They have all of the best intentions,

but if they are surrounding themselves around people, like we would go home with some of our contestants and it would almost just be like their friends would say, look how great you've done. You can have a piece of pizza right now. You can do this. It's like telling an alcoholic that just got it's 30-day chip.

Yeah. Let's have one glass of champagne. What? One glass of champagne. That's true. And you'll be fine. I'm like, no, you've got to get everyone around you on board because in those weakest times,

so all of a sudden, you and I are a married couple, right? And I'm the one that's lost all the way, and you're the one that's saying, I'm not doing that. In my weakest time, as I'm sitting with you on the sofa and we're watching, whatever's saying, I'm not doing that. Like in my weakest time as I'm sitting with you on the sofa and we're watching, whatever it is, we're watching, and you're eating your pizza or your nachos or whatever, I'm like, I'm gonna crumble. It's like, I'm gonna crumble.

And so, it's like, your environment is so important for long-term success. Gosh, it's so well said. I want to go deep on something. So this is like a secret thing, but I know you know this. It is true. I think I can't prove this with any real data, but I can prove it if 50 years of living on Earth,

that when one person in a relationship makes a bunch of changes and they sustain those changes. And the other person doesn't. We've all seen this. Maybe it's a guy who never got a lot of attention in his life because he was always really, really heavy, right? All of a sudden now he's pretty sexy and jacked and looking pretty good and the person they're with hasn't changed.

This is one of these sort of deep, secret things. Some of these changes really affect relationships where they break them up, don't they? I mean, there's a relationship between these two things, a correlation. Yeah, absolutely, because here's what's happening. We're going back to us in this relationship. If I'm the one that's doing it and you're not,

what's happening to you is like, I'm basically putting a mirror up to you. I'm putting a mirror in your face, just going like this. You need to look at yourself right now because this is what I'm doing for myself. And so a lot of people don't want to do that. And a lot of people will unconsciously

or consciously sabotage the other person. And that really sucks. You know, it does suck. Because we all realize how hard it is to change a lifestyle, right? Like you're, you're, you're changing a habit. And the only way, in my opinion, that you can change a habit is to replace it with another habit. You know, it's like, wow, good.

Whatever, whatever it is that you're doing, that is a bad habit. You can't just make this go away. You've got to replace it with something and you've got to replace it with another habit. And if you don't have the people, the environment around you to support you, you're going to go back to that bad habit. It's so good.

There's a deep thing there, guys. I would just share with all of you because this is the expert, not me on this. But when you have someone around you who's not supporting the change you're making, they've already run this forward and they feel like you're leaving them by changing. Their emotion is, they can't express it, but you started a business and you're all excited, you're getting in shape, you're working on yourself and growing yourself personally. And they're not what they're feeling inside is you're going to leave me. And they're trying to reel you back in before you get too far away. And Bob's nodding. And so when you have a partner or

a friend who's not supporting this transition, this change you're going through, oftentimes that's what's going on inside of them. And usually one of the two things is going to give you that they're going to get on board, right? And you're going to be together or one of the other two things up and you eventually are going to leave or you're going to succumb to their pressure and go back to who you used to be. So being aware of this is true. You're nodding, Bob. Yeah, that's exactly what I think. It's like, it can happen one of one of those three ways, right? Like you're either going to like attempt to do it on your own. The person is going to get on board or they're going to not completely sabotage you.

And and I think the positive way to look at this, I'm because I'm not out here saying leave your leave your house. Neither one of us are right. But what I am saying is that you have to have that come to Jesus conversation with them like this. I need your help. You are my life partner. And this is what this is what I am needing to do. My doctor says that I am unhealthy. You know, I'm pre-diabetic. I you know, I'm high pressure. Whatever the case may be, it's like, help me. You are there with me. I need your help. Now, if that person is still not able to help you in that situation, then that's a whole other conversation. Yeah, agreed. I totally agree with you.

I didn't know we're gonna go there, but I'm really glad we went there today because it's one of those states. It's one of the secrets of change in your life. They feel like you're leaving. And you may be. Yeah. Actually, you actually really may be.

Yeah, they're very threatened people. People are threatened by change like what we're talking about. Right? Because they're looking at the person that they've been married to or been with for a long time and now the sudden they're changing and you're not. So again, there's that mirror up in front of you and you're like, wait, I'm not ready to look at myself. I'm not ready to open up all the crap that's in my baggage. Exactly right. That's 100% true. So you said to make the changes, they got to have an environment, have that person they're training with, that person they make sales calls with, that running mate person. They have to actually get that support from whoever's close to them. They got to compete. Then this identity thing, did you do any work on that or even in your own case

reshaping your identity lately? This is the biggest thing for me. I always feel like we eventually get our identity. We eventually come back to what we believe we deserve in our life. Eventually, that's what happens. And so long, you know, short term, you can have spikes and surges in life, but eventually you come back to, this is what I'm worth. This is what I'm worthy of. This is what I believe I deserve. And this is kind of the thoughts, concepts, and beliefs,

you really hold to be true about you. It's sort of just, it's the governor of human existence to some extent, right? I think that when it comes to identity and you're going to attract just like you said, what you think about yourself. And it's that AA phrase of fake it to you make it because if you do have low self-esteem for instance, you are able to beat yourself up more than anyone else could possibly do. It's like you've got to be able to take those small steps to respecting yourself, to take care of yourself and realize that this is not something

that you can just wake up one day and be like, I'm great and I deserve everything that life has to give. You know, how great would that be to be able to do that? For a lot of people, that's just not the case. And you've got to like take those small steps daily. You've got to work on yourself. I'm a big therapy guy. I've been a therapy for a very long time.

And having someone to talk to, and then there are times where it's like having the support group of friends and relationships that you can be that you can listen to my my crap and I'm going to listen to yours and just like once once you get the voices out of your head and out in the open, I think that's when you can really start to make changes. It's the people that don't really say much that just constantly has have that that inner dialogue that's just like just beating themselves up. It's like you got to get it out.

You got to just, you got to say it all and throw it all out there because that's what's going to get you to heal. Wow, so good. That's so good. Oh my gosh, I was thinking about you and I was prepping for this. Like you've helped so many people in your life. One of the dawns on you, you know, like you've just, your life has been mainly about helping other people.

And what do you acknowledge that about yourself? I'll tell you a conversation that I had with Dr. Oz of all people after my heart attack, because he had said to me, as I'm sitting in his office after and he was wanting to go through all my paperwork and everything that had happened to me. And one thing that he said to me was like, for the longest time,

you have been helping a certain group of people. Now with what you've experienced, there's a whole other group of people that are out there needing your help. That's why working with survivors have heart that you had mentioned earlier has been like a driving force in my life, you know, being able to get together a group of people that have had heart attacks and speaking to people like if you've survived a heart attack, you know what, life, you can't have a life you'd not only live, but you thrive in. And like, you know, I'm getting to work with a whole other group of people.

And what it does for me is it helps me. And I remember when we first started doing survivors have heart, this was like right after my heart attack, maybe it was like not even a year. And I mean, I was messed up. And here I was sitting in this room with other heart attacks from divers, and I was the one that was supposed to have all the answers and learn everything. And what I realized was, you know what,

we're all just in here together, and we're all just trying to heal. And that's why this has been one of the most rewarding things I've ever done in my career. Congratulations. Do you, I'm just curious, do you know why you don't remember that day?

Do you think it was just so dramatic that you blocked it? Or is there actually a physical thing that happened because of the heart attack? That's a really good question. I think that like some doctors have said that it's the brain's way of protecting you. You would think it's been four years now that something would be coming back. Right. Like a flit, just something.

Right? No. No, it's like, and I just, I play these fantasies in my head of like, okay, cause I know my routine. I'm a very routine oriented person. I know that I got up. I know that I, you know, made my coffee. I took my dog for a walk and then I got ready

and I walked to that gym and like, the one thing that was the most upsetting for me when I try to conjure up some sort of memory is like, I'm very, like, I'm a dog person. I'm very close. And at this time, I had one dog. Now I have two and they're both laying right beside me right now. But the one thing that was so upsetting for me is my dog, his name is Carl,

who was with me that day. Like he's very attached to me. And so when I was working, would it work out every single day in this gym? He would come with me and he would sit in the office. And like as soon as that office door would open, he would run looking for me, right? And so I just thought, oh my God,

that door opened, and he saw me there. And like, I had nightmares about that because he's like, you know, he's my best friend. And like, that was a very upsetting thing. I could start crying when I talk about that. But brother, we have so much in common. It's a striking that you just said that because I have to share, I'm just sure this

with everyone gets to listen in, but when I had my cardiac event, we'll call it, whatever you wanna call it, when I was going through it, the only thing I could think of as I had a little boy and my daughter at the time was I didn't want my daughter to walk in and find me and see it. Is that bizarre that you had the same exact thought

with your dog that I had with my daughter? That's who I was thinking of was her. I don't want her to see this. That's amazing. That was your thought post. That's incredible to me. Because it's traumatic. Your daughter is seeing her dad. That's something that will be with her. It will be with her forever. I get it. I think get it. I mean, we're all like, I think about all of us as humans, right? We're all very similar as much as people try to like categorize us. We're all similar. We all just, we all want to be love. We want to love. You know, it's like we just want to be kinder to people and just like kind of take care and make sure that the people

that we love are taken care of. So true. So that's what I think about in my life and not getting not getting twisted about the stupidest things anymore. Which everyone's doing more than ever right now. That's right. It's interesting. When you're on the other side of events like this, you do start to notice I feel so much empathy for people that allow these small things or what they're telling us on the television, we should be mad about right now or we should be concerned about like like you think about the news is really interesting. What are you believe? It's like they have a lot of control. Not only they tell you, they don't just tell you what's happening. They tell you what you should think about.

What does matter like in a given day, this is more important than that. And it's just amazing that once you have events like this, you're like, wow, this, what matters to me is the people that I love, what matters to me is that we're a better world. That's why I do the show. It's why you're here. It's why like, and I'm the, and we're in the middle of this when you're talking, I'm like, I'm just so grateful to be doing this with Bob right now. This is exactly why I started this. This is helping people to get to listen to two guys talk about this stuff. I'm curious about happiness in general. There's a, I get two final questions.

They're not easy ones either. I always get, the class gets harder towards the end with me. Okay. This is a toughy. Do you know what makes you happy? And by the way, I think it's okay to say I'm still figuring it out. I mean, in some cases, sometimes I think I do and I don't, but because what we're all after ultimately, whether we want a better body, a bit more money, a better relationship, we want more happiness, we want more bliss, we want more peace in our life.

I'm curious if you know what brings you that yet, or you still, and by the way, it's, I think life is about discovering that long-term and it changes. But right now, if I said Bob Harper, about discovering that long-term and it changes. But right now, if I said Bob Harper, are you happy? And do you know what makes you happy? And is it different than before the heart attack? I think that when it comes to being happy, it's on a, it could change on a daily basis. Honest answer, yeah.

I think that I know that the people that I love make me happy, my I love make me happy. My dogs make me super happy working out still. And I'm so glad I can say this. Working out makes me happy. Like I love it. And for the longest time after my heart attack, I didn't think that I was gonna be able to say that anymore

because I was afraid. So it's like, know it's it's those little things those little day-to-day things that make me happy. I think that I've always said this about happiness. Happiness could be a construct if you really think about it and what I mean by that is like really intelligent people people that are just more dialed in, I find it's more difficult for them to either be happy or to say that they're happy. And I think that being happy is something that we all need to work on. And we talked about

like politics or whatever, like these different sides, right? It's like, you know, think how I think or, you know, or, or, and the other people are saying, think what I think, when I woke up one day and realized, I'm being manipulated. Like, how dare me, like, fall into this game of like, you know, you're, like, watching the news is like, you're trying to really piss me off. You're trying to fire me up and get me to hate or yell or just be angry. I'm like this, uh-uh, stop. And like being able to like do this, like when I think in those terms,

like I get more relaxed, I get it. I can get, quote unquote, happy. I love it. I interviewed this man named Sadguru. He's sort of a mystic. Okay. He said to me, it's just worth saying to you, because I, he said I interview this man named Sadguru. He's sort of a mystic. He said to me, it's just worth saying to you because I he said I've never forgotten. He's like this pursuit of being happy is a fallacy. It's kind of like what you just said. And he said, I think happiness is a state of being. Just be just me. And now that sounds cheesy. It sounds very like nuance, new age, mystical, but like it's actually so true.

What you're really saying about smart people is that they build more conditions on their happiness. This has to be in place, I gotta know this, I gotta be around these people in this place, achieved this, feel this way, look this way, then I'll be happy, except the finish line keeps moving, the bar keeps moving. And you never get to that place

if it's you've always chasing these things that you think will bring you this happiness and so yeah So it's like you just want to be like just slow down like actually use the phrase of stop and smell the roses, right? It's like it's super important and just because like here's here's What one of the biggest takeaways I would give your audience right now That is to just not only stop and spell the roses, but like, you know, realize that life can be over in an instant. Like I drop dead on that floor, don't have any recollection. Life lights out, right? So I think about that every

day as I'm going into my life and going, you know what? Tomorrow is not a guarantee. I am going to focus on today and I'm going to make the best out of this day because tomorrow is not guaranteed. Yeah, that's the part that's the part where we need to rewind everybody and listen to that for like 90 seconds again. That's one of my favorite things. That's that's a beautiful brother. I wish we were ending on that, but I promised my audience I would ask you this question So last question by the way you thank you for today. I've enjoyed this tremendously and I think it'll be the first of many Conversations you and I have I just have a feeling about it. So

Really great stuff. It's been great for me So everyone's listed this or trying to make a change and so we've covered a lot of things today But you've helped more people change parts of their life than about anybody living on the earth. There's, you know, you're in the, you're in the conversation, right? For sure, over the last 20 years, you've helped so many people make changes in their life. Other than things we've covered in the interview, if someone ran into you in a Starbucks, I asked this question often, and they said, Bob, I want to change XYZ in my life. I want to make this change in my life.

What would your advice be to that person to begin the change, begin the transformation? I think to begin the transformation, you've got to be very careful at setting smaller, more realistic goals. You cannot change everything at once. If you all the su decided I'm going to eat c

single day and I'm going t I'm going to like drink a water like, you know, all th the end of I hope that you by doing this because you up. It's too much. You start you make changes that you' and then you build

from there. Do one thing today. One thing, if it's, I'm not going to order the french fries at lunch or dinner or I'm going to, you know, I'm going to get up 20 minutes earlier and go on a walk, you know, before I even step foot into the shower to go to work. These little things they add up and you will be able to be more likely to succeed as opposed to just changing everything that will all at once. It just doesn't work. So good.

You guys got to follow Bob on social media. That's where you'll get most of the stuff. You can find out all about this survivor's heart organization. Can you, am I saying that right? Survivorsheart.com. Am I correct about that? It's survivors have heart. Have heart. Okay. Survivorshaveheart.com. It's incorrect on my sheet here. So survivors haveheart.com.

Follow him on social media, particularly his Instagram's awesome. I'm following him. And I just, like I said to you, brother, I'm grateful for today. I'm grateful that you're alive. I'm grateful that those nine minutes didn't end up being forever and that you're back with us and still changing people's lives. And it's great to see you healthy and happy right now. So thank you for today. That means a lot to me and I thoroughly enjoyed our conversation today. So did I. All right. Yeah, thank you. So are you and everybody share this. This is one of those you got to share it. Anybody you love, anybody you care about, spread the word, fastest growing show on Planet Earth.

That's why you're listening to us. It's because of your support. So thank you, everybody. God bless you all, max out. This is the end my let show. You you