THE ED MYLETT SHOW - TURN STRESS INTO PEACE & PURPOSE

Episode Date: February 29, 2024

Navigate Through Stress and Overwhelm with the #1 and #2 Mindset and peak performance coaches IN THE WORLD! In this NEW EPISODE, we're tackling a topic that's become a modern-day epidemic – STRESS. With the incredible Brendon Burchard by my side, we're here to guide you through the turbulence of life with actionable strategies for overcoming stress. This conversation, recorded live in front of an audience at a recent GROWTH DAY event, and I pray it brings you HOPE and HEALING. Brendon and I dive deep into personal practices and universal principles that have helped us navigate through life's storms including: How Faith and Prayer can provide unparalleled comfort and clarity, helping to distinguish between what's within our control and what we need to surrender. Strategies to fight back against discouragement, doubt, and delusions that often accompany stressful periods. Sharing simple, effective methods to physiologically combat stress. Strategies to foster a more peaceful and resilient mindset. The Law of Emotional Attraction and how to pivot towards positivity. Practical advice on dealing with negative people who may contribute to your stress levels. How to break your Addiction to Outcomes and learn to appreciate the journey. The Critical Role of Sleep Remind yourself of your inherent worth and the qualities that define who you are beyond your stressors. Stress doesn't just challenge us; it has the potential to change us – for better or worse. But with the right tools and mindset, we can emerge stronger, more peaceful, and with a deeper understanding of ourselves and our place in the world. This episode isn't just about coping with stress; it's about transforming it into a force for growth and peace. Brendon and I share these insights not just from a place of professional expertise but from personal experience and a deep desire to help others find the comfort and resilience we've worked to cultivate in our own lives. Join us on this healing journey as we arm you with the knowledge and practices to lessen the impact of stress and embrace a life filled with more peace and purpose. Let's find that calm in the chaos together. 🌟 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

So hey guys, are you frustrated with where you're at right now? Maybe stunted in your progress? Well, if you are, I want to recommend a place for you to go called Growth Day. GrowthDay.com forward slash ed. It is the number one personal development app on the planet. It's got all kinds of high performance techniques in their courses, accountability, journaling, live speeches from some of the top influencers in the world, including me.

It's an overall environment to change your life. GrowthDay.com forward slash ed. from some of the top influencers in the world, including me, it's an overall environment to change your life. GrowthDay.com Insperity.com and download their free e-book on how to build your dream team. Don't let a lack of talent hinder your success. See how Insperity provides HR that makes a difference at Insperity.com. This is The Admire Show. Okay, stress and overwhelm today. Well first, we talked about, I was talking with my group earlier about the fortress and

building up good relationships and habits that give you the strength to endure the weather when it hits. What do you do for that? What are your habits that you think, like, you know, by doing this, I'm in a stronger place when the storms hit? Yeah, so the first thing for sure for me is prayer. So by a mile, I almost got a little,

that was weird, that tugged on me. But so my first fortress for me is Jesus is God. So for me, that's yours. But whatever your faith is, I mean that's great. But for me, I rely very heavily on prayer. I prayed right, as you know, right before we came out. But for me, that's where I get my strength and my comfort from. It may sound really cheesy to you, but it's an amazing, as I've gotten older and older

and grown in my faith, it's become the ultimate fortress for me. Because I've literally, this may sound hokey, but like that old phrase of Jesus take the wheel There's just I literally just price I give it I pray on my knees every night And what I try to get is what I ask the Lord for is not to make everything around me easier, but to make me better Because I think these times were part of his plan anyways And so knowing that it feels like it's part of my destiny as I'm going through a stressful time. So I have some peace about it just in and of itself.

But I do ask for more strength. The other thing I ask for is discernment. And the biggest part of discernment that I'm looking for, for the Lord to give me, is the discernment to know which things I can control and impact and which ones I can't. And then to have that wisdom, like my dad was in a 12 step program

and they say this often, but like the wisdom to know in this moment, what are the things I can control and what are the things that I need to give to you, Lord, that you can control? And I'll do my part and you do your part. It's almost like a partnership. And so for me that somehow when I do that, I just sort of get this sense that everything will be okay.

Everything will be okay. The other thing about comes with prayer is perspective. I'm gonna die someday anyway. I mean, that sounds harsh, but this is gonna end at some point. This body, all these things I'm carrying, all these other things, and it just gives me perspective. And I've known I've been blessed all my life when I've really needed it, God's shown up in my life.

And so, it just reminds me of I'm never alone because a lot of times when I go through stress I don't know maybe you have a little bit of this but I begin to, this is why the fortress thing you said was so brilliant. You're back there talking up here and I'm like jumping up and down, never back, like I was gonna say that, dang it! Because it's so good but one of the things that comes with that fortress and you're part of my fortress, you know that. And there's a very small circle of people, but the other thing that happens for me is

I begin to feel alone when I have a major stress in my life. I feel isolated. I have a tendency to get smaller, like the tip you gave earlier about standing up. I try to just not feel so small and alone in those moments. And so it reminds me that God's always with me. And whatever your faith is, you believe that. And my faith is a Christian, I believe that very strongly. And so I can kind of go back through times in my life

and I'll reflect on those things. And so for me, that's the number one fortress for me, aside from the group, which we can talk about in a minute. And then that discernment piece is huge, just to know, what can I control right now? And it kind of shrinks the problem down to some extent too, right? These are things I can't control.

These are the things that I can move. And then I really focus in on, you know, as much as I can almost, it sounds weird the word overwhelm, but my personality type is I'm almost going to overwhelm the things I can do. So all this thing may be overwhelming. Yeah, I'm a force too. And God's a force. I keep repeating to myself a phrase all the time,

I'm built for this, I'm built for this, I'm built for this, I am built for this, I'm built for this, I'm built for this, I am built for this, I am built for this. And I say that over and over and over again, and it gives me this, I'm gonna overwhelm this thing myself. So, and so then the other thing I do is I think to myself, what are the things if you believe in your faith? John Gordon's here today and he talks about these different Ds.

And I also ask myself, okay, if the adversary is attacking me right now or this is just some negative thing, what are the things, and John has all these different Ds, but for me, there's like really three Ds that happened. One, I get discouraged when stress comes. So I wanna be aware of what's happening to me when it's not working, discouragement.

And then to some extent in my case, I'll start to doubt if I'm going the wrong way. Doubt my ability to handle it. Doubt that I can get through this. Doubt that it's all gonna get better. Doubt that the right people will come into place here. I get a little doubt.

And then I get a little bit delusional. And delusion is a major problem with stress because what you do is you begin to do something called thought stacking. And you start stacking the thought over and over and over, don't you? And you repeat it and you think in your mind, if I just think about this enough times,

something's gonna occur to me to cure it, don't you? And you just start thought stacking and thought stacking and stacking and stacking like you said a minute ago. I gotta fix it now, now, now, now, now. And then you start running out every possible scenario of what could go wrong. And I used to think, man, if I could just think about everything could go wrong,

then I could prevent all those things from going wrong. So I'm just gonna keep thinking about this thing until I figure it out, right? But the fact of the matter is, usually the first time I thought about it, my best thought was there, and then I need some perspective. So I do this, I get delusional.

And delusion makes you think it's bigger than it is and worse than it is. And I can never come back from this and you delude yourself into believing that you don't have any control over the right things. And so those three D's in my case really impact me. So I'm aware of them when I do them and they lose their power over me instantly.

And I'll show you in a minute kind of some of the things I do on the front end. I think what would be good for me to do for you today is to teach you some techniques that will help you on the front end before the stressors come so that you have almost like a vaccine to it or an inoculation to stress when it hits you because it's going to hit you.

And so we'll talk about that in a minute. What about you? I love it. What's your fortress? I want to emphasize the prayer piece too, especially for those people here who've never had a prayer or faith practice. Just something to think about. You're like, what is that power of prayer giving you?

And what I learned, even if, you know, Christianity is not your thing or any religion, that might not be your thing. What the practice is doing is you're taking a moment away from the noise. Like, okay, I'm gonna take a moment away from the noise. And what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna get a hold of myself talk right now. And his format and what you're learning

as you learn about prayer, or if you wanna do it as a meditation, or it's just a thought process, is you're opening up space for hope. You're opening, okay, I don't know if I can handle this. This is a lot, maybe I can do these things, but the idea here, God, you take the rest, you take the wheel, even if you don't believe in a God,

what you're doing is you're opening up hope. Okay, there's some things I can't control, there's some things that I can, but I'm hoping this thing proceeds and moves through okay. And the second thing prayer is doing is you're anchoring into strength. That's right. So for those of us who believe

we're anchoring into the strength of God, but I love what he said, he's asking for the strength to deal with the things, not for the things necessarily to change, because maybe they were put there for you for a reason, even if you never can figure it out. The question is, can I deal with it better? And so you can anchor into your strength,

even if you don't believe in a God, by simply for yourself saying, okay, what are the things that has made me successful in the past? What are the strengths that allowed me to get over that last problem? What do I tap into that I feel strong enough that I can overwhelm the problem like he talked about? I want you to realize you've gotta break away from the noise

and get control of your mind and direct it to hope and to strength. Very good. When you do that, no matter what your religious background or religious framework or belief in a spirit or God or universe or nothing, those work for you. But the most important thing I want you to hear him say, because this is what inspired me when you first told me this,

is he does it daily. And a lot of people never bring hope into their life daily. They never remind themselves of their strengths. So every problem is bigger than they are. So true. Every problem is huge and calamitous, because they're never anchoring back in. So right down your nose just anchor back into strength. I want to ask you this. What about for you the physical part of solving a problem?

So I'll give you my answer after you give yours, but physiology to me is a huge piece in being resourceful and feeling strong about my problem. That thing you said earlier brother is so brilliant about standing. For me, and I'll let you go first, but for me, it's like I want to, I think stress and overwhelm to some extent is a neurochemistry. It's neurological. You begin to feel constricted and your breathing gets shallow and you're, you know, and you know exactly what I mean, right?

You start running that thought stacking thing. And so for me, it's like, I gotta move my body. For me, I'm a physical person, I'm a physical being. So where you, God says that your body is your, I won't keep preaching by the way, but this temple thing, cause I'm really not that guy, just so you know. So that's not, there are people in this room

far more qualified than me, one of them speaking after us here, John. But I will say to you, that temple thing's legit. Like it's my strength and my energy is being housed in this body. I've got to get it in a resourceful state. I got to shift my physiology, right? So I'm going to do a lot of things in my body

to deal with stress. I'll give you what a few of them are and then I'll let you go. One of mine is I'll go train immediately. I'll go for a walk, I'll go for a run. I have to get outside. I wanna get outdoors, I wanna get out of this building. By the way, if you're like, it's rainy today,

I like it more when it's raining. I really do. I love just, oh, like thank you God, you're comforting me. I'm being baptized again, you know, like. Like, like, and by the way, because it's just a physical thing. You know, it is too, like, even this morning, I wasn't feeling great. I was like, what a physical thing. You know it is too. Like, even this morning I wasn't feeling great.

I was like, what a great gift. I'm in the shower. Like I was just, ah, you know, just my physical state changed. So I want to get myself in a peak state. I do, it's a huge piece of dealing with stress for me. It's how I move my body, getting my heart rate under control. We'll talk about breathing in a minute too. One little other tiny piece I'll give you

that really has worked for me the last few years is earthing and grounding. It's like literally, literally taking my shoes and socks off. I know this sounds like hokey stuff and feeling the frequency of gravity and the earth's frequency under my feet. Huge. Is a huge thing and reducing my stress.

And so what I would just suggest to you is what are the things you could be doing physically super hydrating myself, you know, a lot of times when stress hits you're like, I'll get around to getting, I gotta solve this. I'll get, no, you gotta be on the front end of these things. So for me, a lot of it dealing with stress is a physical thing for me. Yeah, huge.

And I think there's the acute level of dealing with stress. I feel stressed. So I gotta stand up. I gotta chagong. I gotta work out. I gotta do those things. But then there's the constant release of stress throughout the day. I'm so tactical about this.

You know this. My wife and I were recently built a home. And around the home, I had them put a track like a like the like kind of like a dirt gravel track and so the first question when you get on my schedule is I think can I do that call with this person walking around the property not what's the zoom link it's another I'm like can I just literally throughout the day? Cause if I'm in front of zoom all day,

which by the way real quick stress thing, most stress is visual. There's so much stress. It's why he's like lights are like this. It's very stressful. So many of you, when you do zoom, your laptop, when you're doing zoom, listen, this is crazy. We did this study.

When you have zoom in front of you, which most people, it's too close. What I want you to do is push it back. Because when your eyes are narrowed like this. It's good. All day, your eyes are just like whacked out, looking close, this blue light smacking you, and you're there hour after hour after hour.

Do walking calls. Get your butt out of that chair. There's no reason. You're building up stress throughout the day or you're releasing stress throughout the day. I want you to teach yourself to release it, create all these things that's releasing it so it doesn't build up into the pipe burst

or the lightning strike and that's so important. The second thing I do, throughout the day, I'm just walking. I'm walking. I've never been on a call with you where you're not at least standing or moving around. No one sees me sit backstage almost ever. Even during other, I'm always moving. I'm always moving, just letting that energy out. And not because I have more energy, because I know that moving builds energy.

That's my fortress. I'm building energy throughout the day. Second thing, I'm never depleted in my supplementation. I was like, how does he have so much energy? I'm never depleted. So if you came backstage with me, you will go downstairs and you look. It's like I'm a traveling pharmacy. You know how traveling pharmacy is in the room?

I have supplements on supplements downstairs just in case. And he's not come out of Adderall. That's not what we're talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's going, oh. No, and I used to own a supplement line, so I am crazy like, crazy dialed in of like, oh, I need 100 milligrams of rhodiola, not 150.

Like I know my body enough. I've taught my body like, how does it feel? How does it move? So I'm always making sure that my brain and my body are already fueled and have not only just the nutrition of my macros, protein, carbs and fats, it's more important that I have the supplementation for my brain. So for me, you know, oh, I thought you liked this. I've never talked about this. I got my Rambo stack, which sounds so silly because

I'm so small compared to him. The Rambo stack, Rodeola, Alpha GPC, Maka, Batzwellia, and Omega's. And so 100 milligrams of Rodeola, 300 Alpha GPC, 500 Maka, 300 Batzwellia. Batzwellia, if you don't know what it is, it's a herb that helps with inflammation. A lot of our brain problems are inflammation. And then Omega's, which is heart health, but actually more brain health than that. And I take that. And if I've got that base, Rhodiola, Alpha GPC, Maka, Batzwellia and Omega's, that's like my base.

If I have that, I'm sharp. My brain's in a good place. It's energized, but it's not stressed. So that as a base, and I tell everyone, you should know what your base of good energy is and make sure you're never depleted from that. Some of you, you might need a little bit more protein throughout the day and you'll be less angst driven. I know it sounds so simple, but a lot of it is what he said. There's neurobiology that our own body and how it heats itself and runs itself is really key to whether or not we freak out mentally. So those two things, I'm constantly moving, which is letting go of that tension,

and then I'm making sure I'm never depleted. So there's always food, there's, I mean, I'm from Montana, so there's food everywhere. There's always food. And I'm just, I don't run hangry. How many of you, your stress is really hangry? So I just don't get hangry, and that helps me. The other thing I would add is that I think sometimes stress reveals your actual emotional

home. So we all have, so we all know this, but like the caliber, I talk about this in my book, but the caliber of our lives is really the quality of our emotions. So, hey guys, as you know, I've partnered up with my good friend Brennen Brouchard who's created the greatest personal development system that has ever been designed called Growth Day. There's everything from journaling to accountability programs, live messages every Monday for myself and other influencers.

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my let. Right. That's what we're all doing here today is we want to feel something. So it's like, say, I want to be worth $100 million. No, you don't. You want how you think that would make you feel. Right. I want this amazing relationship with another person. True. But what you really want is how you think it would make you feel. I want to be in a certain physical state of fitness or whatever. You really, it's how you think it would make you feel. So we all intuitively know that our lives are our emotions.

I'll give you a story about that really quick, where I was the wrong side of it, which I have a tradition of being often in my life. So I was, first time I'd ever finally made some money, which took me a long time, but I finally made some bucks. And so I was building my first like dream home. And it was a particularly stressful day. So I don't recall what was all going on, but it was like a combination of some client had canceled and then the contractor had messed something up and I was just wound up man and I was driving over the house was

under construction and what was I doing? Thought stacking. This guy, he's this. I'm blaming the contractor. I'm blaming my assistant who messed the appointment up and I'm stacking it and stacking it and stacking it and I'm getting overwhelmed right. I'm also sitting and stacking it and stacking it and I'm getting overwhelmed, right? I'm also sitting stationary driving for like an hour in Southern Cal traffic so I'm not moving my bike. It's like the perfect formula the other way, right? I had not done any real prayer work in my life before this time and so I'm like really,

I'm subjected to whatever the external conditions are in my life are going to give me the internal emotions which is how most people live are gonna give me the internal emotions, which is how most people live. Someone treats me a particular way, it triggers an emotion. Some situation doesn't go my way, I go back to my emotional home. So external stuff really ran my life. It runs most people's lives.

The external tells us how we're gonna feel. And that's why, I better have that 100 million bucks, better get that jet, I better get that car, better get that girl, better get that guy, because then that external stuff still dictates how I feel. That's a loose way to go through life and you're very vulnerable if you continue to wait for the conditions to change how you feel, right?

And so I walk in and I'm pissed. So I walk in and I'll never forget this, there was this mantle. What is going on, where is he, Toby? And that, in those days I was actually big and maybe dabbling in some creatine at the time. So. And so I walk in.

It was, yeah, anyway. It's why I walk in and I'm like, where is he? And my wife's with me and she's like, Eddie calm down, it's okay. I'm like, it's not okay. Right? And I look into the kitchen and there were these, there were six, these just beautiful men.

They were great men. They all happened to be from Mexico. They were doing beautiful work on my cabinets in there. Now remember this. And by the way, all they were doing here was trying to succeed for their families. Just make some money to send home to their wife and kids.

Right? And I'm walking into, these men are building my mansion. Right? I'm the rich guy here. I walk in, a ball of stress, and I look over, and they got the Mariachi music playing. They're kind of dancing and singing, back slapping each other.

And here's what they got. They had joy, they had bliss, they had each other. We're doing work at the time that they were great at and that was meaningful for them. And if the quality of your life is the quality of your emotions, they're kicking my a** in life. Just imagine how bad the conditions are where you are to have to do all of that to get here, right?

And so what ends up happening is I stood there for a minute because I'm a good human at my core and I went, what is wrong with me? No, I'm being serious. I went, what is wrong with me? I have everything to be grateful for. These men have almost nothing and yet they're living a far higher quality life than me. Way higher, by the way, they have their version of stress. Like having no money, like being displaced from their wife and children. Like having to work in my mansion all day and on Saturdays.

The joy of their day seriously was, I said, hey dudes, you guys all drink beer. They're like, yeah, after this happening, I'm coming by on Friday with a bunch of coronas. We're going to sit here and chill at five o'clock. And I literally started to hang out with these dudes to understand how to be like them. It's true.

Right? It's the truth. And what I uncovered there was when stress hits, I go to my emotional home. And here's the thing, we all have an emotional home that we live in and we experience, so for example, if your emotional home, in my opinion,

is anger or stress or worry or angst or fear, somehow in a given week or a given day or a given month, you're gonna find a way to get your hit of it. You'll find a way. The conditions don't matter. You gonna find a way to get your hit of it. You'll find a way. The conditions don't matter. You will find a way to get your hit of fear. You will find a way to get your hit of lack or insecurity. Don't you?

Because it's your emotional home. So no matter what happened, I was probably gonna find a way to get upset that week. Or worry. My emotional home is actually not anger or any of that. My emotional home is fear and worry any of that. My emotional home is fear and worry. That's mine. Was. I think I think I've actually eradicated it. But my emotional home was fear and worry. When you grow up in an environment like many of you have like me that

was not perfect, you just always said that, someone on my show recently Brendan, oh it's Bert Kreischer, the comedian. And we were talking about his drinking, if you all know who Bert is, he drinks. And I was trying to help him work through it without being accusatory. And I said, Bert, you consider yourself a great father. He goes, I actually think I'm a great father. I asked him that as a preview question. And I said, because you know, the most

debilitating thing for me with my dad was not that my dad drank and got angry or was moody. I said, you know what really happened then? My dad made me worry about him as a little boy. And that thought stacking as a little boy of worrying about my daddy. Is he driving? Is he coming home? Is he safe? Is he in a fight? Right? I would worry about my dad. And that conditioned me as a child to build that as part of my emotional home. The conditioning. So not only what happens is you condition emotions in your body because your body is actually your subconscious or technically your unconscious mind to some

extent. John Gordon, I debate this all the time. However you look at it, the point is that you do condition emotions in your body. And so then you learn to use your body that way. So I finally realized when I was in the kitchen that day with these guys, I'm like, I am conditioned. My emotional home is to find this fear and worry. Because anger, really what anger is, it's the other side of fear.

It's fear expressing itself a particular way. So the reason I go that long to share all this with you is that you need to be evaluating what your actual emotional home is. Because when stress hits, you'll find it. And so I had to begin to condition myself to have the emotions that I want to experience, which for me are like bliss and peace.

I have a chapter in my book called Equanimity, which is basically peace or calmness under duress in an equanimous state. And so that needs conditioning. So that I have, that's what I mean by the vaccine or inoculation, I'm not saying that when stress comes, you're not gonna go, that's gonna happen. But I wanna have some defense against it prior to.

And so what I learned to do, in addition to the emotions I want to experience, how do you do that? You anchor them in your body. And so without getting really deep into that today, when I'm in a peaceful, blissful state, I take advantage of it. So when I'm in a beautiful state, I'm taking a walk on the beach a few weeks ago

with my daughter, which we did do. And just as we're walking, you know, I'm just anchoring this moment as we were walking. Anytime I'm through my prayer time, when I'm done with my prayer, I always pray on my knees. And the actual prayer is an anchor. So now anytime I hit my knees, I have conditioned my body to automatically feel peace. So that when stress comes, I can hit my knees in prayer, and it's not just the prayer with God, it's the physical move of being on my knees.

So what I would recommend you do when you're in emotional state, even like right now, find a physical move that's very simple and when you begin to do that over, not the first time, not the third time, not the 19th time, but somewhere along the way, you can reverse engineer yourself out of that state. I'm not saying you won't be experiencing stress,

but what I am saying is when it hits, you can give it your move. You can give it your move. You can give it your move. Whatever that is, you can give it your move. You can give it your move. Give it your move. And when that happens, your neurochemistry shift, because you've anchored the pattern, you've undone a pattern of being in that stress all the time. This is a huge thing. It takes time, takes some discipline, but I don't let good moments or good emotions go by. I anchor them. And by the way, you ever have a song come on that just reminds you of a great time in your life?

That's an anchor to a moment. It's not the sound of the beat in the music. It reminds you of a time. I wore a t-shirt the other day. We'll see how old the audience is. Watch this. I wore a t-shirt the other day flying out here that was the Regal Beagle. Whoa!

See, like, the audience I talked to three days ago, we're all like 30 and under, they would literally have no idea. I literally mentioned you two to this audience a few months ago. No clue who you two was. I'm like, I'm old. But me and him went to the you two concert together. We did. You mentioned us two dancing at you two, two dudes alone at the U2.

We had the best time at the concert. But by the way, any time like with or without you comes on, I'm like, ah, pride in the name of love. I'm like, yeah baby. It's not the song. It's what was going on when that song was happening. You know what I'm talking about, right? He did look at me kind of odd and clumsy.

It was weird. It was weird. It was weird. It was weird. I want to jump off something you're saying. Okay, okay, but anyway, that will help you a great deal, anchoring the right emotion. So good. So, hey guys, if you're like me, I am always on the lookout to try to eliminate these cold and flu symptoms.

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Hey guys, so I've been talking about Babbel for a long time because to some extent they've actually changed my life. And the reason is, like you, I wanted to learn a second language. I think everybody should speak a second language. And I learned Spanish in high school, but I couldn't speak it fluently. And it was an outcome of mine last year. And I can tell you a year later, I've made a ton of progress. I was recently in Mexico.

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Yeah, get 50% off at babel.com slash my let. That's spelled B-A-B-B-E-L.com slash my let. Rules and restrictions apply. I wanted to ask you something, and I think it'll be a great flip of this emotional home idea. And I want you to all hear this too, because the emotional home that you have, think about this, the emotional home that you have is also a homing beacon for other people. Yeah. Really good. So if you're in anger and stress and overwhelm and upset,

I really do believe you start to attract your justifications. Wow, very good, bro. I have all the reason to be pissed at the world. There's unfairness, there's lack, there's lack of equality, there's upset, there's jerks, there's mean people, there's Republicans and Democrats and independents, and there's my neighbor who built on to my yard and ran over my bush and you can just go,

like there's all the, you are justified in your anger. You can always just, you can build all the architecture of argument that you want for justifications why the world sucks, everyone else sucks, you got no shots, everything is unfair and nothing's gonna turn out. You can build that architecture and you can justify it. And as you justify that, your justifications

start to attract people like that. Just like your emotional home attracts people. Like the reason I was attracted to his world is because there's love here, there's care here, there's edge here, There's care here. There's edge here. There's strength here. His emotional home attracted and created our friendship. Likewise.

And there's a lot of people who we are equally repelled by because that's not their emotional home. Is this not, you know what I'm saying? Like you can feel it on humans. This is not like some law of attraction. This is actually something called sociology. Emotional contagion is one of the most validated and highly correlated social influence things.

Your emotions, people feel it. The energy shifts and they move around it. And the other they move towards you and they move away from you. And so what I'd love to ask with that truth, with first, realize your emotional home is also a homing device for people. So beware, it's not just how you feel, it's who you are attracting. I want to feel great because the people I want to attract are great.

So I wonder, because I think a lot of stress and overwhelm in people's lives are people around them, forgive my language, who piss them off. Yep. Right, do you have anyone in your life, forgive the language, who just keeps pissing you off and there, does anyone have somebody in your life who they're the majority of the stress in your life?

Anyone have that? Okay, don't name your children, but just listen. So how do you deal with that? Because you, Ed runs hot, right? So when you feel that, and it's about other people, how do you deal with that? Because it's not just a situation or tasks. I've had to reduce or eliminate a few of those people. Like I just finally went, you just not,

it's this isn't reciprocated at all. Like you're constantly bringing me stress and toxicity and constriction and no expansion, no love, no bliss. And this feels very one way to me. And so I've had to reduce proximity to some and in some cases over time not have them in my life. Now that's the one answer. Now I'm gonna give you the other one

that sounds completely contradictory, but it's a gift you can give yourself. And that is that when I'm going through a stressful time, this is something I've worked on. So because I do run hot, but you know me really well. Also on the other side of it, it's like I have a patience that I didn't have when I was younger. And what I do, when I feel the most helpless,

which is when stress hits, this sounds nutty. I try to get the most helpful. What can I, this sounds nuts, but like it's a practice somebody taught me many years ago, Wayne Dyer, and I'm like, so when stress hits, I've got this thing over here. Believe it or not, I'm like, who can I help right now? I know that sounds nutty, like once I eliminate,

all my focus has to go here. Then I'll go, no, I actually, there's something that happens to me super naturally when I'm like, I've got this going on. Who can I help right now? What can I help? A few weeks ago, you and I had a situation where I was in a pretty stressful situation and you were and I just at the thing at your house. Hey man, do you need anything?

Can I help you? I have another very good friend that you know as well as too. I was like, man, I got this going. I would like to be able to deal with this, but I've got to help them. So that's one, is when I'm helpless, I get the most helpful. Secondly, believe it or not, for me,

it's extending grace to somebody. Grace, so grace is, the extension of grace to another person is actually the ultimate gift you're giving yourself. Because I can give you grace when I'm feeling great about my own life. Can I give you grace when I'm under duress? Right?

And I'll give you an example of it. This is a huge thing. By the way, you just feel great about you when you have elevated yourself past your normal conditioning. Do you know what I mean? There's a part of you that, man, I have grown. I am giving grace to this person who has not deserved it or earned it right now.

Seriously. And all of a sudden the actual gift that reciprocates is like, well, I've really grown. And what also happens, it sends a message to you, I'm a good person. My intentions are good. I deserve to have this work out in my favor. A lot of times when stuff starts happening, not so good in your life, the only way for me out is like, I just give grace. And when I give grace to another person, I'm like, happening, not so good in your life, the only way for me out is like, I just give grace.

And when I give grace to another person, I'm like, no, I am good. I do deserve it. I am growing. Most people wouldn't give this person grace right now. Even often, listen to me, even though we're not assessing blame, you kind of know where this came from.

Can you give grace to where it came from? Okay, can you give grace to where it came from? Can you give grace to where it came from? Who may be the cause of this? Who may be the root of it? Who may be giving you... Can you elevate past the normal human who reciprocates? You elevate past it and you extend grace and understanding to them?

Because you don't know what someone's carrying. Hurt people hurt people. People in pain typically create pain. Man, it's taken me about 50 years to get this. Why is this person behaving this way? Is it that there's some demon walking on earth? No, probably not. What it is is there's some conditioning in them

that's causing them to act this way. I'm gonna do everything I've got not to assess and judge this person and to extend grace to them. Now there are some people that you and I both have extended grace to repeatedly, like, okay, you get my grace, but you don't get my friendship anymore.

Right, we've got that, kind of those people. But let me give you an example of it really quick. But two weeks ago, I'm at dinner with my family. And pretty nice restaurant, not the nicest, but it was a nice place. And when I walked in, I could hear kids screaming. Now, because I'm an introvert, I like quiet restaurants. I like to eat in quiet.

I'm not a big sports bar guy. I don't know if you make somebody love the vibe and I'm in the mix. I don't like the mix. I like the quiet table in the back. Nobody can see me. Nobody recognizes me. And I can hear the people I'm with and have a conversation.

Maybe that's a novel concept to a lot of people. I'm also very familiar with what an inside voice should sound like. You know what I'm talking about? You have those people like, they have no idea that the whole restaurant can hear me. The person at the airport on their phone, I'm like, dude, I know that you're in Louisiana and they're in Texas, but this device right here transmutes your volume to them. You don't have to talk like they got to hear you in Texas. You ever have those people like, dude, you're 52 years old. You have not figured out an inside voice yet. Can I extend grace to that guy? So we walk into the

restaurant, I can hear these kids. And I want a nice night with my family. My kids are back home from college. I don't get to talk to them all the time in person. We sit down at the table. Guess who we sit next to? That table. And somehow, I'm not even sure how it all worked out. There were five kids at this table that all looked the exact same age to me, with two parents.

Like they were all like three or four. How do they, because they're different faces, you didn't have like quintuplets. Like, I don't know how they all arrived there. I couldn't quite figure it out. But anyway, they're loud. And then the kids start running laps around the table. You ever do this thing where you're like, hey, to the parents, you're like,

what is, I would never let my kids behave that way. You ever have say that out loud? Here's what's really interesting. And by the way, and it was loud. I'm talking like at some point, they were actually throwing food and it was stressful. And the parents were like, their heads were down. Here's what's really interesting. I'm serious too, and I'm proud of me for this and I mean it about about dealing with stress

My kids were even bothered by it who are usually not the ones I said, let's just extend them some grace And I actually said you guys want to say a prayer for them So what a quick prayer for them and then Bella goes daddy, let's get their dinner too So, I had a quick prayer for them and then Bella goes, Daddy, let's get their dinner too. I'm like, no. You're pushing me. You're pushing me. Okay, so these people that are taking over the restaurant,

you can see how they're going, we prayed for them. I'm not kidding you, we extended grace. Because I keep talking about this with my kids. I want my children to live this way. And I want part of their emotional home and their anchoring to be in grace and in peace for people. And so this is amazing.

We did say a prayer for them. I mean, and my kids are at that age like, dad, we gotta say another prayer. I'm like, let's just say a quick prayer, nothing big. Just I'll say a quick prayer. I'm like, and then I did this. I go, Max, say the prayer. I mean, my son said the prayer.

He goes, all right, Dan, bow your head. These insane children over there, and their lack of understanding, parents, we're praying. Anyway, he says the prayer. That wasn't the prayer. It was a kind prayer. So we gave him grace. So the point is, the lesson was giving grace to somebody when you're under stress We gave him grace they leave I pay the bill

Pay our bill we leave two days later. I'm hitting balls at a golf course and the guy who was my server was there He goes mr. My let me at such a great time that was kind of you to buy dinner for that family in light of what was going on I went what was going on? He goes, oh, they had come back from the funeral of their grandmother. And the husband there was in the military. And so they used to regularly come in here. I've never seen the kids behave like that. But the daughter, the wife, was the daughter of the mom.

She was just inconsolable when they came in. And the grandmother had actually lived with them for years when the husband was deployed. And so they're really emotional. And so I go, I'm really glad I gave them grace. So you don't know in someone's situation what they're carrying and what they're going through. So that was an example of that.

Go ahead. That's beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's beautiful. Let me give you a technical thing about grace to say to yourself. And this has been, it's a different kind of grace, but it's really powerful in my life. I say to myself all the time,

oh, their thing doesn't have to be my thing, but their thing to them is the real thing. And I'm always saying that, oh, their thing doesn't have to be my thing, but their thing is the real thing to them. And so their stress, their anxiety, but also listen for the world we live in, their opinions, their values, their beliefs, their upsets, their arguments. I don't have to take those in personally.

Those things don't come into my heart. I can give them the grace of the freedom of their speech. I can give them the grace of the freedom of their beliefs. I can give them the grace of the freedom of whatever argument they're making, they believe it. I don't have to get upset and angered. I don't have to flip out and feel divisive against everybody all the time. I go, that's real for them. And by not blaming them or being condescending, I think a lot of our energy

societally is very stressful because we're also condescending and arrogant towards others, and we think we have to change them for them to have the right to exist. And the big thing is, I don't stress about big things like that, because I just go, oh, for them, that's totally real. It's just like, listen, the way to survive in your marriage is to realize she has other ideas that aren't yours, dude. The way to survive in a marriage is to realize he's got feelings, he's not communicating to you. And maybe that emotion's coming from something.

The way to survive in a marriage is to realize that they just have different thoughts than you. And you don't have to bulldoze them. You also don't have to accept them. You definitely don't have to feel them. I don't feel other people's perspective. I allow them to have it, because they deserve it. It's theirs.

So for me, grace is that. It's like, oh, I am separate and apart. Even though I believe in oneness, even though I know God connects us, He made us individual, because we're in each individual beautiful prize. And so to me, I just go, oh, I don't have to feel that negativity from them.

I'm around a lot of people, especially, you know, Ed and I work with a lot of sports people. I mean, they have a lot of energy and a lot of their energy can be very competitive and it can feel at and against and intense and very angry. And I witness that all the time, nothing comes in. Buddha was rumored to say, and later it got attributed to Indira Gandhi, the idea that when someone goes to hand you anger, you don't have to accept the gift.

When someone goes to hand their emotions, or here's my secret to life. You ready? When people go to hand me their drama, none of it comes in. I can listen, it's part of being a coach. I can listen, but I don't feel it. I can listen, I can empathize, but it doesn't take me off my center. sympathize, but it doesn't take me off my center. Someone can tell me the most obnoxious or rude or awful thing. They can scream in my face and believe this has happened a lot because I've worked with some elite military units

and they like to get at me because I look like this. And so... Ha ha ha ha ha. Exactly. They love me and the military. Are you proud of me for coming out like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I promised him I would one time come out and skip like him.

I'll never do it again. I did promise him I'd do at once. He just wanted to show off those guns. By the way, whatever, yeah. That's getting deleted from the YouTube. I have a reputation to maintain. So I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

But they hit me with so much intensity. And you can imagine how many times Ed and I go to a conference and they don't know who we are. And they're in the audience and they're sitting like this. If we go to serve them and we let that infiltrate us, we can't serve from our highest. And so remember that when your kids are freaking out. If you let that freak out infiltrate

and lock you off your center, you can't serve them your highest as your parent. So you train yourself to go, oh, that's theirs. I don't have to take that personally or feel offense or condescension or antagonism. They can have that. I don't have to accept it. I don't have to justify it. I don't have to go against it. It's a huge shift in my life. I just don't have to justify it. I don't have to go against it. It's a huge shift in my life. It's made of, I just don't take people's drama. Can you say it another way? You are great at that. And you've been great at reminding me of that a few times too. It's one of your, one thing on the athlete thing, on stress, a lot of things without, it's the same as humans, just a microcosm. But one of the things that causes stress is like an addiction or obsession to the outcome.

So I'll give you an example like, I won't say who like one of the take a golfer when I'll ask them when they're over a putt on like a Saturday playing with their buddies. It's a six foot putt. I'm like, how much stress do you have? They're like, not a lot. I said, OK, what if it's a six foot putt on a Saturday in the tournament to make the cut? They're like more. I said, OK, what if it's a six foot putt on a Saturday in the tournament to make the cut? They're like, more. I said, okay, what if it's a six foot putt to win the Masters or the US Open? Stress level goes up.

So what ends up happening is there's a difference between having a goal and having an outcome. There's a subtle difference. And so I'm all for goals. But in the moments of executing something, it's our addiction to the outcome and trying to control an unknown outcome that creates the most stress. And here's what it is. I'll give you the putt,

but it'll be the most stressful situations you go through. So I'll take my golfers through it, I'll say, so what's the actual stress? Is it the missing the putt? Really? Or is it this? And this gets really deep. If I miss this putt, what's it mean to me?

What are other people gonna think about me? What are they going to say about me? And so the actual, what happens when a player, an athlete is afraid they're gonna lose or miss, isn't the loss. Believe it or not, it's a normal human condition. What are people gonna think if I lose? What are they gonna say?

This is gonna be on video. They're going to repeat this. And in your case, most of the stress you've got is actually your addiction to getting the outcome that you wanted as opposed to having a goal. And so there's a nuance between doing everything you can to prepare for something and then separating from the outcome because this is something you can't control. So if you actually deduce whatever stressful situation, I'll take the one that I'm in right now.

And if I actually just, I'm gonna do everything I can, I've got a goal to make it look this way, but I'm not so addicted to the outcome because that's what's creating the stress for me. The stress is, if I don't get it, then this is gonna happen and then people will think this and then I'll have to, like, let's say right now, in your case, it's a stressor on money.

Like I've gotta get this account or I lost this account. It's not just that, it's like well what if that account means that I don't have any money and I lose my house and then when people are gonna think if I lose my house and then you start stacking it back all the way because you're so addicted to the outcome. So there's a nuance in life and in sports where you prepare and prepare and prepare

and you've got a goal but but once you have to execute, you have to reduce the pressure and that you're not outcome focused. You're not outcome focused in the moment because every time you're thinking about outcome, you're projecting into the future. You're technically not present. If I'm over a pot and I'm worried about

what happens five seconds from now when I miss it, I'm no longer in the present over the pot. I'm five seconds from now worrying about the it. I'm no longer in the present over the putt. I'm five seconds from now worrying about the miss. And so a lot of the stress, you have to be fully present to solve something. You can't be in the future of what it'll mean if you don't. Or what it'll mean if you do. I know this sounds really deep,

but every single second I'm projecting even two seconds from now into the future means I'm not fully present in the best putter, or the best phone call, or the best repair thing, or the best client thingter or the best phone call or the best repair thing or the best client thing or the best coaching call, even when you're gonna coach somebody because most of your coaching, your stress about that is what happens

if the outcome doesn't go well? What if you don't deliver? What if they don't get the account? What if they don't like your coaching? And that's something that's happening 10 to 20 to 30, whatever minutes or seconds from now, you're there mentally and physically now, you're there mentally and physically now, you're absent mentally when you're overdoing something physically.

I know it sounds Ramsay Pamsy, but I hope that helps you. Separate from outcome and be fully present over what you need to execute in. That's a different than having a goal. Does that make sense? So good. So good. So good, man. Thank you.

What's crazy is when we hang out, we actually do talk like this. We actually do. It's like, it's about the process driven. Oh, yeah. It's so good. I want to give you a chance to share a parting message with them about this topic and about their lives in this year. Nobody, there's two people here today that have tremendously impacted my life.

You and John Gordon, that have tremendously changed my life and impacted. Now, let me give you the highest compliment I could give both you and John, who's up next. There are a lot of things that I do in my life when I have decisions to make, and I actually think to myself, what would Brendan do here? What would John do here? It's ironic that John's coming up next, just want you to know who you're going to hear from, but that's the highest compliment I could give another person is, how would they handle this?

What would they think? And then oftentimes I'll call both of them and say, how would you handle this? Which is pretty cool that the people that you think of. But I just want to acknowledge you, bro. You're that person for me. This is such a loving, caring, brilliant being. He just is, like, as good as you.

And by the way, and by the way, incredibly strong. Brendan is such a strong man, I know I got to say this quickly and I will give a parting but Brendan is such a strong man that he feels no need to posture his strength. He's just authentically himself. He's such a strong man that there's no bravado with him. There's none of that. He is so strong in who he is and what he stands for and what he knows and what he believes in

that he doesn't invest any energy in trying to prove that to you. And to me, that's the sign of a truly strong person and you are that, bro. And so is John. I love you. Good. You really are.

Thank you. Yeah, you really are. In terms of a parting thought, one thing, because we didn't get to it, because I said sleep earlier, just one thing, because you said it earlier, I just wanna give you one little thing and then I'll give you a parting thought.

Sleep is a big deal. Sleep's a big deal. I slept for 12 hours last night. I went to bed last night, I'm in a very stressful situation, right? It's not, everything's fine, right? But I wanted to really load up on sleep. It's the one thing we rob ourselves of and it's hard to sleep when we go through this.

I slept from 6.30 last night to 6.30 this morning. I haven't done that in years. So just want to say that sleep is required. It's a big thing that he believes in as well. The parting thought is this, is that you need to remind yourself of who you are. I said earlier that you're built for this, but the other part of it is this, it's just really simple. I've said this literally probably a million times to myself in my life, and I'll just say it to you. You were born to do something great with your life, and that there's a plan for your life,

and there's a destiny for it. And all of these things that are coming along are learning lessons. And if you can just remind yourself, I was born to do something great in big ways and small ways. And don't negotiate the price you're paying all the time. When we go through stress, one of the things we do is start negotiating. Is it worth it?

Should I keep doing it? That's a scarcity and poverty mindset. When I was a poor person, when I would walk into a store, I wouldn't get what I wanted. I would get what I could afford. And everything I did, like you relate to this too, it was flipping price tags over, wasn't it?

What's this cost? What's this cost? What's price tags over, wasn't it? What's this cost? What's this cost? What's this cost? What's this cost? What's this cost? That's not a great way to go through life. Excuse me, metaphorically, a lot of people do that during stress.

What's this cost? What's this cost? What's this cost? What's this cost? Instead of saying, what am I worth? What am I worth? I'm worth this. I'm worth solving this.

I was born to do something great with my life. I was born to do something great with my life. I was born to do something great with my life. Here's what I know about you. All your life, you've known that. When you're a little girl or a little boy, you just knew you're supposed to do something special. There's this thing in you that you're just on fire, your heart feels it.

You don't know why you're this way, but you've always been this way. And then as you got older and older and older, it got away from you. But when you were a kid, a little boy or a little girl, there was probably one person who made you feel that way. Probably one, it was a grandma, your mom, a coach, a teacher, they just, when they looked at you,

you felt something, right? Do you think of who that person is right now if you had them? I hope you had him. They just made you feel special. Mine was my papa, my grandfather. I'm named after him. He would just look at me, man. He used to tell me, you're gonna do something awesome

with your life, Eddie. He would drive me in his little blue van on Sundays. We'd go get donuts before church. And he had all these grandkids. I was the oldest. He goes, you know, you're my favorite. And every time, every time I would look up him, I am big papa, he goes, you're the special one.

I am, because I had a dad who didn't tell me that. I am, he goes, you're the strong one, you're the special one. God gave you, look at those blue eyes you got man, those are papa's blue eyes. And he would tell me this over and over and over and over again. Every time another grand kid was born, he called me and said, I remember this, hey, you know your anti-gene cousin Peter was born this morning.

He's amazing Eddie. I go, he is. He's seven pounds, three ounces. He's amazing. But you're my favorite. He would tell me, you probably had that person. Maybe there's, I pray you did. And let me say this something.

If you thought about them just for a little while, you'd get emotional. Maybe they're gone and you just miss them. What I would just say to you is they were right. They were right. They were right. The rest of the world may not have seen it, but they did. And if you don't have that person, I could tell you God sees you that way.

I call everybody, I call everybody brother or sister. I call everybody brother or sister. And they think it's hokey. I actually do that to remind them how connected we are. Hey, brother. Hey, brother. Hey, sister. Hey, sister. brother, hey sister, hey sister, look at y'all crying right now,

because that person was right. And so my parting message to you is to remind you that you were born to do something great with your life, and you ought to anchor that man, so that when stress comes, you're like, I'm built for this, I am built for this, I got an emotional home, and you may get at it for a few minutes,

but I always return to equanimity, I always return to peace, I always return to faith, I always return to stress. You Gotta remind yourself you were born to do something awesome with your life. And you were. So that would be my parting message. And my wife, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. Hey. That was awesome. Cool. Thank you guys. Thank you. Thank you.

See you soon. This is The Edmile and Shaw. Hi there. Sorry for the interruption, but are you enjoying this show on Google Podcasts? You should know that the Google Podcasts app is going away this spring. That's right, going away, gone as in no longer available.

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