THE ED MYLETT SHOW - Understand Your Emotions By Mastering Your Choices. Feat. Brendon Burchard

Episode Date: August 8, 2024

Prepare yourself for an episode that will redefine how you approach emotional well-being and personal growth! It's time to dive into the powerful relationship between our emotions, and our body, and how we can harness this relationship to live a more fulfilled life. I'm thrilled to bring you an incredible discussion with none other than Brendon Burchard, my brother, my friend and a world-renowned speaker and best-selling author, as we explore the intricacies of emotional mastery. We're unpacking the secrets to achieving true emotional freedom and how mastering your emotions can propel you to new heights including: The Power of Physiology: Understand how your physical state directly influences your emotional well-being and the critical importance of maintaining an active and healthy lifestyle. Mastering Your Internal Dialogue: Learn how the questions you ask yourself can shape your emotions and ultimately, your life’s trajectory. Learn the strategies to transform your internal dialogue to foster positivity and resilience. Creating Emotional Triggers: Discover how to set up positive triggers and anchors that can instantly transport you to a state of focus, calm, or joy, enhancing your ability to perform under pressure. The Role of Intentionality in Emotional States: Learn how to choose your emotional responses and how this can lead to a more intentional and controlled life, avoiding the pitfalls of being led by fleeting emotions. Achieving Emotional Clarity: Gain insights into clearing the mental clutter that clouds your judgment and decision-making. Brendon and I also discuss the importance of aligning your actions with your values, rather than being driven by momentary feelings. This conversation is packed with actionable insights on creating a life filled with purpose, joy, and fulfillment by mastering the art of emotional control. Tune in to this transformative discussion that's sure to shift the way you perceive your emotional landscape and equip you with the tools to take charge of your inner world! Get ready to elevate your emotional intelligence and unleash a new level of personal freedom. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

So hey guys, listen, we're all trying to get more productive and the question is, how do you find a way to get an edge? I'm a big believer that if you're getting mentoring or you're in an environment that causes growth, a growth based environment, that you're much more likely to grow and you're going to grow faster. And that's why I love Growth Day. Growth Day is an app that my friend Brendan Burchard has created that I'm a big fan of. Write this down, growthday.com forward slash ed. So if you want to be more productive, by the way the way he's asked me I post videos in there every single Monday that gets your day off to the right start he's got about five thousand ten thousand dollars worth of courses that are in there that come with the app also some of the top influencers in the world are all posting content and they're

on a regular basis like having the Avengers of personal development and business in one app and I'm honored that he asked me to be a part of it as well and contribute on a weekly basis and I do. So go over there and get signed up. You're going to get a free tuition free voucher to go to an event with Brendan and myself and a bunch of other influencers as well. So you get a free event out of it also. So go to growthday.com forward slash Ed.

That's growthday.com forward slash Ed. This show is sponsored by Airbnb. My next door neighbor in Florida. Every time they leave, they've been turning their house into an Airbnb and it's become head. I love doing it and I'm excited about the start of it. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. This is the end of my show. You know, I think it's probably one of the most important topics we could possibly have. I recorded a show on this today. And the reason I think it's so important is I was reading all this data

over the weekend about the lack of emotional health in the world today. And it's a staggering stat. I mean this is maybe a little bit dramatic to open up with but the number two leading cause of death for children, well, young people, 18 to 29 years old now, is accidents number one, and now death by suicide, number two. It's ahead of cancer. It's ahead of all other causes of death. In Australia, Brendan, the number one cause of death for people 18 to 24 years old is suicide. Oh, suicideicide. And so you start to think, now that's the extreme end

of not having emotional regulation, right? And letting it go deeper. Just a couple more things, then we'll go into it. But 59% of Americans above 18 years old report in the last year having suffered through some form of depression. Six out of 10 people. And so this is a really really important

topic and if I'm being honest with all the tools I have, with all the resources with this incredible life I have, this is something I have to work really really hard on. And like anything else in life I think you have to rely on community like we have here and also you rely on your rituals, your habits and your your disciplines. And those are something that I can fall back on and for me there's a here and also you rely on your rituals, your habits and your your disciplines and those are something that I can fall back on and for me there's a variety of them but and I know this is your case too. My emotional well-being typically is somehow connected to my physiology most of the time and I think one of the

reasons I'm convinced one of the reasons I've struggled more than I ever have the last eight months or so is as you know because of some of the health issues I've had my physical routine has changed and I've really believed it's affected me emotionally. I really do believe that and so I've had to really dig deeper as to why I come from trauma in my life I didn't have a perfect upbringing and so I had to learn to override those things as I got older. And the biggest thing for me emotionally is, people ask me all the time when my dad was drinking,

what was, I feel like I'm laying the negative foundation here first, but I think it's important. People ask me all the time, what was the biggest thing? Well, what was my dad's drinking do to my family? What did it really do? And was it that, you know, he was mean or he could be violent or didn't say I loved you enough and all those things, the stress, all that comes with growing up in a dysfunctional home.

But the main thing it did is I worried about my dad when I was a little boy, I worried about him. And that built the habit and pattern of being a worrier. So like my primary question was in my life, what do I need to worry about right now? What should I be worried about right now? And when that's the primary question that you ask yourself, you're wired for emotional pain. So when you step back, the first thing I would say for everybody, and I'll let you talk about this, Brendan, is one, check your physiology. And I know this is talked about in the industry Tony Robbins is

famous for it but I mean like really check it are you elevating your heart rate every day are you going on a walk are you sweating like you should be sweating and I'll talk about things I do to do that in a minute too and then the other thing is really look at the internal questions you're asking yourself really look at it are you asking yourself what you should be fearful of or worried of are you focusing on what you don't have most of the time as opposed to what you do have? If you have the habit of looking for what you're lacking or don't have in your life, no matter what you accumulate,

your mind has been trained to still find the things you don't have. And I can tell you as somebody who's had wonderful physical blessings or financial blessings, there's still lots of things I don't have. And I can tell you as somebody who's had wonderful physical blessings or financial blessings, there's still lots of things I don't have. And so if you're trained to see the things in your life that you lack, you will find them because there's always going to be more of those than the things you do have. And now if you're in scarcity all the time and worried about what you don't have and thinking about what you don't have, even though part of it's made me and you successful, is wanting to achieve, wanting to climb, wanting to acquire. But if you've wired yourself to where you look for what you don't have most of the time,

you're gonna find it all the time. And when you're focused on what you lack, you can't be in a great emotional state most of the time. So I had to teach myself, no matter what's going going on to focus on what I do have. What are the blessings in my life? And I know that sounds like, oh, okay, so write down my gratitude. I think it's much deeper than that. What have you trained yourself to ask yourself on a regular basis? Because your thoughts dictate your emotions. So if that's true, then what is a thought? And what a thought is, it's actually the internal very quick process

of asking and answering questions to yourself. That's actually what a thought is it's actually the internal very quick process of asking and answering questions to yourself. That's actually what a thought is and so for me I had to take a hold of the questions I asked myself and it's easy to get up once in the morning and go okay what am I grateful for? Who am I grateful for? Who do I love? Who loves me? And you do that for four minutes in the morning. That's great but if your pattern the rest of the day, nine million other times is to ask yourself a different question, then what you did is you gave yourself the gift of four minutes of bliss and 23 hours and 56 minutes of something other than bliss.

And so I've trained perpetually and regularly ask myself questions that bring me joy and bliss. Cause I know that question leads to an answer and that answer is going to give me some form of an emotion. And so that's where it starts for me is the questions that I ask myself habitually. And when I change the questions, I change the emotion. So back to you on that. Do you focus on that?

So good. Well, all of it. I think you're hitting on so many elements. And I know that one of them that really resonates with a lot of people personally, is what you're experiencing with is like, well, when your physical body isn't where you want it to be, or you can't work out. And there's just a misalignment between your mind and your body. And you can really sense that. That feels like a lot of turbulence. That feels like dis-ease. That feels like a dissatisfaction from what you want to experience. And so much about emotional freedom is learning to see where are you dissatisfied with what you want to experience and how are you dealing with that.

Because if in dealing with the world, you drop yourself into a negative range of reaction versus dealing with the world and challenging yourself to generate into a positive intention, right? We all know that stimulus response stuff, but we don't realize how profound it is when we can say, oh, I'm gonna be generative. I'm gonna say, what is my intention?

What is the next right action of integrity? Even though this experience is here, even though this difficulty here is here, even though it's not perfect, even though they were mean, even though this was awful, how do I want to experience life? And am I in range with that? I asked myself that all the time, Ed. I'm like, you were asking about questions, you talked about questions. One of the questions I always ask myself, am I in range? And what I mean, that is, I want to be in a positive range of emotion

throughout the day, not, not perfect, not on a dot of perfection. But I can tell if I'm in a negative range of emotion and mood and feeling throughout the day, or if it's more towards positive. And the only difference, well, I'll tell you what the difference isn't. The difference isn't circumstance. The difference isn't did everything go right? Because pretty much in an active life like you and I have, things fall off the rails all the time.

Someone misses a meeting, somebody lies in a meeting, somebody doesn't deliver, something breaks. I mean, there's always something to be upset about. It's, am I orienting myself as a conscious, intentional guy towards the emotions and experiences I do wanna experience. A sense of appreciation and richness in the moment. A sense of joy with other people or in process. A sense of love when I'm talking to my buddy Ed.

You know, it's like I love this guy. It's like, am I choosing as a conscious adult, the range in which I want to experience life, not just reacting from acute emotions. And that makes me, I think, live a different quality of life, aligned to a lot of what you were just talking about. Well, what's fascinating by the way is,

and you do that for me, like like legitimately when I talk to you, I'm lighter, I'm more joyous, I'm happier. You really put that out, like it's, I almost feel like in your case maybe you've worked so hard at it that it's not natural, but it's almost like your default state is joy. And so when I do talk to you immediately and it creates a different perspective in me too brother like you actually do that. I have a few friends that do that top of the list you know for me I would say is you. And the other thing I've also realized when you're a chaser in life

meaning you go chase things so I'm going to go get that promotion. I'm gonna go get that client. I'm gonna go get that amount of net worth. I'm gonna work really hard so I can acquire that thing or whatever it is. And you're a goal oriented person. So you're a chaser and you love the chase. There's two challenges with that. Number one, if you're a chaser, and I'll call myself like a future liver. So if you live in the future all the time, that's not healthy. And I've lived 53 years, mainly in the future. This is just stuff I've come to realize recently. So it's made me really successful. I'm always a visionary. I'm a whatever. But if you're in the future all the time, there's two things you're living there. And you also,

I worry about things that haven't even happened yet that are in the future. I'm a future traveler in my own mind all the time and this is important a lot of you are nodding I guarantee you because you're like I travel in the future too so my traveling in the future one is to achieve but the other part of is I move into the future and go okay this problem this thing what if that happened and I live there all the time and even if what I think is going to go wrong goes wrong which I'm incorrect about 97% of the time, meaning only about 3% of the things I actually future traveled and worry about

ever actually happened, right? But even if they did, there's what's crazy about it. And it's like 3% of the time. Even if they did, I now suffered through it 46 times in the future and once when it actually happened. As opposed to this is really important. It's supposed to just suffering when it happens. That's what's so crazy about worrying about things in the future. They're probably not going to happen.

And if they do, you've suffered more times than you need to because it happened. Then you've got to suffer that. And so what finally it's true. And I finally woke up to that going, hey, that did happen. And instead of me suffering the one time it happened, I've suffered through this like 47 times, which is crazy. I changed it.

And here's the other thing, bro. I used to think you had to chase these emotions. I thought you had to go get happiness. You had to go get joy. Meaning it's outside of me somehow when to go get happiness. You had to go get joy. Meaning it's outside of me somehow and I go get it. The pursuit of happiness. One of the most ridiculous toxic phrases of all time. You do not pursue happiness. You do not pursue it. You tap into it, which already exists within you.

And so I finally figured out bliss is within me. Happiness is within me. already exists within you. And so I finally figured out, bliss is within me, happiness is within me, joy is within me. It's a matter of whether I access that part of myself. I don't have to go get it. I don't have to chase it, I don't have to pursue it. You chase things, you don't chase emotions. You pursue things or people. You do not pursue emotions.

They're all right here. I can tap into peace in an instant. I can tap into joy in an instant. It's right here. I don't have to go get it. And I also don't have to go earn it. You earn money. You earn things. Earn trust. You do not earn an emotion. And so that I give myself tapping into what already exists. And then I'll come up for air but one other thing regarding that too is Once you experience that and what we all have by the way, I'm curious from you too. I've had people tell me that Ironically in the most scary moments of their life

They were completely calm and They can't even explain it like I have friends of mine like yourself I'd like to hear your perspective, that have been in these catastrophic car accidents. And I've always thought, well, if I got into one of those, I'd be like, oh my God. And many people have told me, you know, I actually was incredibly calm.

I can't even explain why I was so calm. And so there's this deep part of us that when we really need to, we can tap into equanimity. Even under the most stress duress ever, we experience some of the greatest peace we've ever had in our lives. Some of the greatest calm we've ever had in our life. And so that proves to you it's not circumstantial. It certainly isn't external. It's something that you can tap into. The key thing is not to wait until an emergency where you need to to stay calm in a car accident or someone's attempting to harm you but

that you can tap into that state at will. I'm curious when you were in the accident, did that happen to you? Did you feel a sense of calm or was it or or were you in a chaotic mode when it happened? I think there was for me personally, the first couple seconds was terror. Just like realizing it's gonna happen so that you brace and that braces fear. It's like, oh my God. Yep. Right. Remember you telling me that. Yeah. And then what happened though, as the car started skidding sideways and going off road. And it was like inevitable it was gonna happen. I have two beliefs about what happened. One is a belief and then one is biology.

I'll talk about biology. So just people know I'm not discounting it. Biologically what happens is you just got a huge shot of adrenaline. And what we know is when you have a huge shot of adrenaline, the body actually and the mind processes way faster. And as your mind and body process faster because you're on adrenaline, things seem to slow down.

Right, talk to a great soccer player on goal that was really important. They knew it was important. As they're literally kicking to score the goal, they will tell you it was like slow motion, man, because the moment was important, but adrenaline was there. When humans get adrenaline, it's like things slow down. It's funny because you process faster. Adrenaline makes you process faster. So I'm processing faster. I'm in an accident. It's important. And time slows down. So the

slow motion thing happens and it feels like almost calming, like you're watching the train go by. You know what I mean? So biologically, the adrenaline, the cortisol does help that actually happen in car accidents. So it's a very common thing. I also believe that, you know,

grace in some way entered the car. I have a spiritual belief. So if for those who are like, oh, I don't believe in God, then call it adrenaline, dude. But I also believe there was something spiritual happening there, an opening that was happening there, something important was happening.

And so it did calm me down, especially, you know, the car flipped off, I hit my head. And it seemed like the slow motion thing was going a little bit more again, biology. People say, well, he hit his head. I'm like, yeah, but there's something else was happening. Cause I was seeing these images and these scenes that I hit my head all the time.

Dude, I get up at night and I knock my head on the head all the time. Dude, I get up at night and I knock my head on the wall all the time. I don't see scenes of these beautiful moments of my life. It happened then. That's why I think it was something different. Something special was happening for me and a calmness happened for me that was beautiful.

I saw these beautiful scenes of my life when I was surrounded by people I love. And trust me, I've knocked my head around a lot in life. That never happened except right there. So I think something beautiful was happening in that moment. And because of all that happening, and when I was able to pull myself from this car

and free myself from the car afterwards, and I was bleeding out and I thought I was gonna die, I asked a question, kind of like you said earlier, you asked questions, I asked a question of, did I matter? And I never even thought about that question before. Did I, do I matter? Did I make a difference? Did I do something with my life?

I never questioned that before. So all these things happened in the car accident and the net effect for me became oh I want to live a good life. I want to live, I want to love, I want to matter, I want to have a good quality of life but I didn't know how. So I started studying personal development psychology and all of those trainings taught me one thing. You can change your emotions. You can shift your feelings. You can improve your mood.

You can feel better. But you have to consciously decide to do that and to set up the practices in your life that create that condition. And I know you've done the same thing. That's why we're here today. eBay Motors is here for the ride. Remember when you first saw the potential? Then through some elbow grease, fresh installs,

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time every time or your money back. Plus at these prices, you're burning rubber, not cash. Keep your ride or die alive at ebaymotors.com. Eligible items only, exclusions apply. See eBay Motors. This show is by better help everybody and I'm so grateful that we are because you know I really believe in therapy and so many people ask me what have all the people on your show have in common because I've had athletes entertainers. You know scientists political figures business leaders self improvement folks and what do they all have in common the vast majority of them have been to therapy and it's helped them. And so therapy can help you in a lot of different ways. It could be that you just really need to work through a challenge or a problem you've got right now. Maybe you just need somebody to talk to, but maybe you're going

through a really difficult dark time and you need some professional help to work your way through it and that's why I love therapy, but especially better help because you can do it online and if you don't vibe with your therapist, they'll switch you out and get you somebody that you click with instantly. It can make a big difference in your life so whether you're going through just kind of a difficult time and want to talk out loud about it therapy is the way to go and I love BetterHelp so never skip therapy day with BetterHelp visit betterhelp.com slash ed show today to get 10 off your first month that's BetterHelp. ed show today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help. H e l p dot com slash ed show. And it's interesting. I'm thinking as you're talking like things that have

worked for me recently and this isn't just a guy thing, but I know it's definitely a guy thing, but it's a people who lift weights thing. So when I said earlier that So when I said earlier that being physical and changing my physiology has you know made a huge impact on my emotional well-being, my mental well-being, all of that. You know there's another thing that I realized and that my form of physicality, a lot of you will relate to this, was weightlifting. And it does a great thing of creating all the different things, the serotonin in my brain and dopamine and even adrenaline is pumping through there.

And, but something far deeper happens to me now when I treat myself physically. So just remember this, at least for me, physically working out is a big deal and it does change my emotional well-being, but that is still sort of beating yourself up a little bit. Literally, not just metaphorically. And so really building muscle or lifting weights is breaking something down and letting it heal. So that's a good thing for a temporary state. But what I found is if I'm doing something physical and I'm gonna sound strange coming for me, but I need to share it where I'm more gentle with myself and Kind to myself my emotional well-being goes through the roof. Let me tell you exactly what I mean by that

For me if I stretch There's something very personal with you when you're stretching that's different than lifting weights. Lifting weights is an aggressive move, right, for the most part. And it's you and this weight and there's the connection to the weight. But when you're stretching, it's you and your body only. And so whether it's yoga or stretching or some form of that, they tell you it's been transformative for my emotional state because there's a connection with my body I don't have when I lift weights. I'm

also not breaking myself down to build myself back up. What I'm doing is being gentle and kind with myself and feel like an instantaneous connection with my body and a centering and a presence more importantly, that I don't always have when I'm lifting weights with loud music on and these other things. So that's been really huge for me. The other thing is- Did you start that more recently?

Yeah, and you know that. I mean, I told you that I had to by necessity because I can't lift the weights that I once lifted, at least not right now. But as I've gotten older, I've had a lot of people tell me, hey, make sure you're stretching, make sure you do yoga. Well, about every year, this will give people hope too, probably every year for the last six years, I've had start some sort of yoga practice on my annual goal list. And I'm pretty good. I hit most all of my goals. You know, I hit a lot of my goals. I don't hit

all of them. That's not true. But I had a good percentage of my goals. This is just something I've rolled onto my list six years in a row. And so last year, I went, we have to attach a reason to it. We have to attach an immediate massive action to it. And I actually went to a certain form of yoga and started to take it. And I, here's the reason why I never did it. It's why people don't go to the gym. I know I'm the least flexible human being I've ever seen in my life.

And I knew I would be bad at it in front of a bunch of people. And I didn't want to do gym. I know I'm the least flexible human being I've ever seen in my life, and I knew I would be bad at it in front of a bunch of people. And I didn't wanna do something I was bad at. I don't wanna do something new, I don't wanna embarrass myself, right? And so finally I just said, so I finally just did it, and now I love it. And so I do different types of yoga that I do now.

I do a lot of stretching, and it's for my, not only physically has it been tremendous, but my emotional wellbeing is off the charts. And it's actually now a place I can go to access that part of myself very easily. I don't have to go chase it. I can get on the floor, start doing some of those poses and positions or stretches, and I'm instantly in that state.

You know, the other thing too for me is like, I'm just trying to treat myself more kindly. And so whether that's giving myself grace, like you've talked about, but also like when you can afford it. I've always told them anytime I get a massage, I was like, I need to do this more often. I just never do it unless I'm on vacation. So I've started to get regular massage, like, and that's something that not everybody can afford. But when you can, it's like, such a great, gentle thing you're doing for yourself. And then for me, I have to say this to everybody. I know I'm always giving people practices and routines, but I like applicable stuff.

I have an infrared sauna now. Man, it's one of the greatest things for my emotional state I've ever done in my life. One, I love sweating like that, where I don't have to exercise to get it. I love the state it puts me in. I love the solitude of being in the sauna. I love the fact that my phone can't come in there because it's 140 degrees. So it's me, my body, and my thoughts. And I get centered in there. I find a beautiful emotional state. I like being in the sauna so much, man. I find myself like dreaming about getting in there if I've missed it in the morning like it's that great of a place for me emotionally. It's become like an emotional home for me it's this little like it's not you know they're not

even that pricey for the most part but even if you can't do that like go to a sauna at your gym something like that but for me it's like that's a routine now and a practice that's helped me emotionally I know a lot of the stuff I've said is physical and I'll throw it back over to you because I know this has really transformed you recently too. Man, when I'm praying, when I'm in prayer, I tap into the most beautiful parts of myself, which is my soul and my spirit and I can't be in prayer and feel stress.

You know, it's very difficult for me to access these other emotions. And let me say one thing about emotions too. I don't think there are good or bad emotions. I just think there are emotions. I don't think you have to label them as bad or good. They're just an emotion. And sometimes feeling a little melancholy on a rainy day, it's not so bad. I actually almost enjoy the melancholy on a rainy day and reflecting on that state. And then when I come out of it feeling even better, if I was in bliss and joy 24 seven, I don't know that I would appreciate it when I find it

and when I tap into it. And so I don't have to be good or bad states. But for you, I do know prayer life, I'm not trying to be overly personal, but we're very close. Like that's become a centering part of your life. I mean it always has been, but so much more I think the last few years. True? For sure, for sure. It's been, it's been a part of my life I felt like I've done so much in the other areas. I conditioned my body all day long, I conditioned my breath all day long, I condition my breath all day long.

I take moments of peace. I stretch three times a day because I have a bad back, so I have to. I've been doing that for 20 years. Like, I do all the things, but I felt like I was lacking the consistent connection with the divine that I wanted. And I did what a lot of people do with their emotions in my spirituality. A lot of people do with their emotions in my spirituality.

A lot of people in emotions, they go, oh, well, I either have it or I don't. But emotions, feelings, and moods are generative. We can generate them. I believe we can generate a stronger connection with the divine. And I was like, you know, I feel it, but it kind of feels like lucky when it happens.

I feel like, oh wow, God really blessed me there or I'm so grateful or it's Sunday, I'm at church. But it felt like a once in a while connection, almost like a bad wifi connection. It's there, but it's not powerful in streaming. I was like, I want powerful streaming. I want, you know, very strong Wi-Fi to God. And I didn't have it. And I realized, hey, I'm the one not plugging in. I'm the one not plugging in. I'm not even trying to connect and I'm complaining about, you know, a fuzzy connection.

And so I started adding prayer to the end of all my meditation. So I meditate first, because I need to release the noise. And for me, I practice the release meditation technique. So my goal is to release the tension in my body and then to release my thoughts. And then I find myself by doing that,

being in a better centered, silent, peaceful place. And then I tap in, and that's when I then pray. And I feel like it's a cleaner connection, if that makes sense. But only recently, I would say maybe three years ago that became much a bigger priority. Because I just sensed that that connection had gone a little fuzzy. And what inspired by you. Yeah, it's really inspired by you and Ferdick, I would say we're just too big. I was like, wow, these two men I admire a lot. I love how they teach.

I love who they are. And they got a stronger connection than me. I want to explore that. And I'm glad I did. Brendan, what a wonderful way to describe it. And I relate to what you just said. I've had better Wi-Fi connections. I've had high speed in my life and I've had some of the dialogue sessions too. I know exactly what you're talking about. I've had high speed in my life and I've had some of the the dialogue sessions. I know exactly what you're talking about. Yeah, I think I think that's important to say is, I think know thyself. So I'm with you, I have to usually meditate, just sort of empty my mind and get centered and release and then I'm my Wi Fi connection is much stronger too. And by the

way, I also just love the fact you have two dudes here who both meditate and pray. And that we emerge both those because we both do stretch and stretch. But all but I mean, but I mean that we Yeah, we do. But we navigate the world of you know, energy and transfer of energy and believe in that and at the same time are prayerful men. And so you can be in both worlds. Yeah. You know, the other thing I think is to know thyself. And what I mean by that too is I got to know me the last 53 years

and when I asked myself are there even times of day where I'm tapping into the emotions I would like to experience more or less and in my case I found that my emotions that are most debilitating when I experience them, whether they're angst, worry, fear, anxiety, even some bouts of depression in my life, are typically morning emotions for me most of the time. Not all of the time, but most of the time. And so when I'm waking up in a particular brainwave state, it's usually when I awaken, or even the hour before I awake and the hour after, and I mean that when I'm loosely still asleep,

but not completely, and I have noticed that those are the times where I'm experiencing the most anxiety, fear, and worry. This is just me very early in the morning. And that as I get going in my day and feel a sense of more control, I don't know if that's it or I've now worked out, I've done my routines and I'm better.

It's not that I don't feel worry or fear or anxiety in four o'clock in the afternoon, but I think it's worth everyone asking yourself, is there a time of day if you really did, reeled it back, that you're feeling certain things, good or bad? And for me I was like, you know what, I gotta figure these mornings out. These mornings aren't what I want them to be.

And if I could get that first hour it's kinda dialed in for myself, I think I'm off to a much better day. And so I did, and that's why my prayer, my stretching, my working out, my meditations are early. Not early time on the clock, but early for me whenever I get up. And I just know myself. You on the other hand have said to me many times, Hey man, like it takes me a minute to get out of my morning.

And I like my best, you put your best meetings for example, like midday, because that's when you're going. You know yourself. You're like my best thinking is not 7 a.m. Right? And so you've done that way. But I think if you're looking for the emotional freedom that we're talking about, you can create structure in your life that gives you that freedom to operate within it. And for me, I've given myself a whole lot more freedom to having a little bit more discipline early in my day to either get out of or eliminate those states early in the morning. I love that. I love that. I was talking earlier today about kind of a triangle of emotional

freedom where, you know, the base of it is your body and your body and your breath, utilizing that to put yourself in a good place, which you teach better than anyone else. Then another part of that triangle is questioning your role. You know, when you have an emotion, and emotions are acute, they're usually automatic, they're reactive, they're physicalized, but they're also really short. Kind of comes and goes. Feelings stay longer, moods stay longer than that. And, but often with emotions it comes up and we react to the emotion and we drive our behavior based on the emotion. And I think that's what the mistake is. Emotion is input, but it's not necessarily the accelerator, it's not the driver. And here's what I mean. I use the metaphor of, you know, if you feel the emotion of anger

towards your child, you can act on that and you can scream at them. But if first you interrupt with what, what's my role here? Oh, I'm a loving mother. Oh, the from the frame of a loving mother, I'm not going to scream. In other words, I'm not gonna accelerate from the emotion, I'm gonna accelerate from the intention of the role. Just like a leader, I'm in a meeting with my team, I get super impatient and frustrated they're doing something. Well, Brendan, super impatient, frustrating guy,

I don't need to act from that. It's not gonna be supportive, helpful. So instead of acting and accelerating for that emotion that I feel, I go, what's my role here? I'm a CEO. Oh, I don't need to act from that emotion like that. That would be immature and unhelpful. And let me be intentional.

How would a great CEO act here? Speak and accelerate from the intention and the role I wanna play. And for those who say, well, I don't have a role, but I'm like, okay, then intention and the role I want to play. And for those who say, well, I don't have a role, but I'm like, okay, then just adopt the role model mindset. How would the role model version of you handle this? Because you don't need to be slave to your impulses and your emotions all the time. These things can be disconnected. You can feel, sense realize be aware of your emotion and not let it be the driver You can you can instead say oh I?

Can sense the emotion I can detach from it if it's not helpful I can debate it if I want to do a little cognitive behavioral therapy on myself And I can choose to let it drive or not, but the most important thing is I choose and And I can choose to let it drive or not, but the most important thing is I choose. And having that ability to recognize the power of sensing an emotion, but choosing an intention, I think is how we ultimately become more conscientious, conscious, mature, and capable adults.

Because we're not always acting from our emotions. Because I'm somebody who believes, and this is where you and I might differ a little bit, I believe there are bad emotions. Here's how I know. If you and I hop into a car, there are bad emotions when that guy cuts me off. There are some emotions that will not serve me in that moment. Now, of course, impatience is not always a bad thing, which is your point. Well, that's my point. But I think you've covered one of the most important things ever when it comes to living a productive life. And I want to highlight it and pull it back out and talk about it. You know that on emotions we're saying the same things. Impatience is an option that you can feel that can be a negative thing in one moment and another.

Fear can be a terrible thing to paralyze you when you're going up to public speak and it could protect you if someone's about to rob your home. And so, you know that I mean, based on the environment. I just mean that I don't think getting angry even all the time is necessarily a negative thing. I'll give you an example. When I played baseball, angry Ed Milet was a much better

hitter than lightweight and happy-go-lucky Ed Milett. Right? So I would leverage that anger and that coach would say things to me in the dark, you're terrible, you're the worst hitter in baseball, blah, blah, blah. Like, oh yeah! And I'd get up there. So I would leverage the anger in that moment. So are you like me? I just cleaned out my closet. Have you ever looked in your closet and you're like, what in the world did I buy that for? It's crazy, right? All this stuff in there. I never wear, like what was I doing? That's why I'm so glad that Quince approached me to sponsor the show. So they sent me some shirts that I've been wearing recently.

Love them. These polo shirts that I got and some of these t-shirts that I'm wearing. They're 100% European linen. They're so nice that I'm like, hey, this is stuff I want in my closet. Here's the crazy thing about Quince. They get like 50 to 80% off similar brands from Quince because what they do is they partner directly with the top factories. So Quince cuts out all the middlemen. They go right from the factory to delivering it to you. I love it. So fill your closet with stuff that you'll be wearing for summers to come. That's going to last a long time that you're proud to wear and getting it half to better off is awesome. So go to quince.com slash ed for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. If you don't like it, that's quince. Q U I N C E dot com slash ed to get free shipping and a 365 day return policy quince.com slash ed.

You just said something brother. There should be more work written about this and you're probably the guy to do it because I do I have seen you do this so well. Even with me when you need to tell me I haven't been doing something I need to do in our partnership or whatever right and it's here's what you just said and I want to unpack it. Your behavior does not have to be driven by your emotions and to the extent that you build the habit in your life where your emotion is not the driver, but that your choices are, the role is as you described it well.

Oh my gosh. I don't think most people, including me when I was a young man, was even aware who was doing the driving. I just thought, cause I watched it grow up, when you get angry, you lash out. because I watched people in my life do that. When you get sad, you kind of cry. And when you get angry, you yell. You and, and I wish someone said to me and taught me what you just said 30 years ago, because as a business

man, when I did get impatient, I then would turn into condescending Ed Milett or judgmental Ed Milett or push people away from me or when something didn't go right and I got angry, I just blow the whole room up and then spend the next three weeks trying to fix all of that. And we could have just fixed the original problem. I was in what it was, was an emotionally immature person and a scared person. And somebody who did not build the disciplines to step back from his emotions and say, wait a minute here. How would the ideal me choose this?

Or even in some cases, pick someone you admire. How would so-and-so handle this, my role model? How would they modulate their thinking? Would they speak about it? And sometimes for me, I should have just waited a day to say anything. Just let the emotions pass before I communicate or I make a decision. Most terrible decisions are made under heightened emotions. They just are.

So true. And so, oh, Brendan, this is a whole world unexplored that is really the heart of living a great life and being a great mother, father, business leader, friend, human is your ability to separate your choices and decisions and behaviors from the emotion. And most of us aren't even aware that that's entirely possible.

That we think these two things are connected. And if you just step back from it, the people you admire, it isn't. Let's take Martin Luther King, for example. Most people admire him. I wrote my dissertation on Dr. King, okay? One of the things that I admired about him was his... I don't believe that Dr. King at some point in his life, wasn't afraid for his life. He was, he was under tremendous threat most of the time in his life. I'm sure he had doubt about whether he was the man to be doing this and to be

qualified to do it, right? I'm sure he got angry at the obstacles he would have to face, or like you said, internal people in his own team, not doing what they said or turning their back on him. Or imagine the emotions. Yet what we admire about people like him is they took actions in spite of those emotions that serve themselves and other people. And so my mother, when my dad was drinking, I have to imagine now as a grown man and her husband was gone for a day or two and she did she was a

homemaker. She's got four children at home probably terrified of what's he doing? Is he gonna get hurt? Is he coming back? How are we gonna eat? And and to know that those tremendous emotions my mother must have been experiencing of sadness and worry and fear and regret probably that she was in that situation and Terrible anxiety and probably anger and for her to separate from those emotions and that night do my homework with me and love me And make dinner and put us to bed and I never felt that She saved me. She protected me. So what do I never felt that she saved me. She protected me.

So what do I admire about that? It was her ability to not be ruled by her emotions. And when I've made the biggest mistakes in my life, I've been ruled by my emotions. So the habit, even the awareness of who's driving right now, is it my mind, my role, my soul, my spirit, my values, or is it this emotional person who I don't even know that person. I don't even believe everything they think. You know you've

hit on something so profound brother, so huge, and something I wish I had heard earlier in my life and to this day something man if I got better and if you got better and better at that, if anybody here got better and better of consciously choosing things not driven by their emotion imagine the difference in their life right now there are circumstances where the emotion of how much I love somebody compels me to want to take action for them that's beautiful but you guys know exactly what I'm talking about when I say it and And so many of us, we are ruled by our emotions. We don't have emotional freedom. We live in emotional bondage, which is the complete opposite of it. It's not consciously choosing our actions and our thoughts because of these emotions. Bro, you're onto something gargantuan right there. And I think you are a great example of someone who lives a good percentage of your time, nobody does it all the time,

of choosing actions in spite of your emotions. You're excellent at that. Yeah, I just recognize that emotions are, they're going to happen. You know, they come up, and good ones and bad ones. And it just, they don't all have to be expressed or justified or accelerated. And instead, what's going to be accelerated is what what do I want to experience today? What do I want to

contribute or give out a buddy of mine? You love this. We were on the golf course once and I know you're a great golfer. So this is for me, it's like three years. I am a golfer. I am not a great golfer. But my last round was like three years ago. I am a golfer. I am not a great golfer, but go ahead. My last round was like three years ago. So anyway, but he said, he goes, oh, here's how you gauge a man's maturity. I said, oh, how's that?

He goes, when you're hangry, can you still listen to your wife well? Wow. Cause it's saying, Hey, your biology and all your impulses, all your motion is like, freaking out to go get food. And yet, can you still be present with somebody else? Because you can choose that above your biology, you can choose that above impulse, you can be there and be empathetic and be listening, even though

you need a friggin burrito. It's okay to say I need a burrito. You can say I need a burrito, but can you still, like, I just feel like there's a sense, there's a reason we admire, you know, monks or high level athletes who can deal with the stressors at the time, but find their flow and their power even almost despite it. I was going to ask you this day, actually it was my journaling session this morning, I was like, make sure to ask Ed. Because you work with people under what I would call very

acute turmoil-like emotions, like people in the MMA and fighters. So let's say you're working with a fighter and they're about to go out and you're in the locker room with them and you can tell their emotions aren't serving them. Like high anxiety, you know, high self doubt or fear. They seem kind of just razzled. Like how do you help somebody find a sense of

center or personal power that they can go do what needs to be done even though that's happening? Maybe you got to transition them out of it. Like what do you think of or do? Because I know you actually do this for real life for people. Well, by the way, so do you. So I just want to make sure people know that. And so it's the proactive work you've already done. And this is such a great question because we can set ourselves up to trigger emotions that we want. And so you know what I'm going to say here. There's two things we do. One is we work on triggers prior. So they've got triggers and anchors that when they're in favorable emotional states, we take advantage of them, we deposit into an account. So when they're in a state of great focus, great drive, great zone, we'll trigger it

with some sort of a physical move. We will deposit it, we will anchor it to a physical move. It can be a word, like sometimes, or a phrase, like it could be earn this, or my time, depends on what that thing is, but it'll be something relevant that they believe. And so when they're in preparation, and by the the way you're always in preparation in your life, so a lot of you when you're experiencing bliss or joy or ecstasy or whatever it is you should take advantage of that and anchor it and anchor it just give yourself the gift of a second of it could be a physical move you make snapping your fingers tug it on your ear

a word you say that's why when you listen to a song it can take you back to that immediate emotion in just a second. I was on an airplane this week, and I've got all these speeches coming up. And I'm listening to all this worship music, which I love. And it was getting me in this great state in the worship music, Brennan was giving me all these ideas of things I would write about and speak about. And then I'm like, going into the delivery part to your point of what I'm gonna be on stage.

Well, I walk out on stage to the song Thunderstruck by ACDC. I've been doing it for 20 years. There's a lot of reasons for it. That's just my walkout song. But right now, it's a big reason is that song triggers laser focus for me. That starts playing. Bam! I'm anchored. Like right now. This would be a good time. And so, I have worked with them on triggers. Why am I saying this to you? You all should start to create a few triggers in the states of emotion you want. Focus, bliss, prayer. That's why I pray on my knees every night.

The reason is, it reminds me that I'm small, but actually being on my knees is a reference or a trigger physically that creates a state within me of hundreds of other times. I've had beautiful prayer states and I'm in a beautiful state. So physically being in the position where I'm on my knees usually next to my bed, my elbows on the bed and I pray that way. So it's not just that I'm being small or that I was raised Catholic. It's none of those things. It's actually, it's those things, but it's also, it's a trigger for me

that I'm in that state. So we do triggers. The other thing we do, and I know you're the best at this, is we regulate their breathing. If you're an out of control emotion, your breathing is typically impacted by it. And if we can get you breathing the correct way, almost immediately, your neuro neurochemistry or neuro biochemistry

or neurology whatever you want to call it becomes in a state that serves you and so we have a physical trigger that we will use or a verbal auditory trigger it can also be a picture of something if you wanted it to be for most people it's physical or it is auditory and it just creates that state and that's like there's this great movie with Kevin Costner back in the day, he's a baseball pitcher. I think it's called For the Love of the Game. I'm not entirely sure if I'm right. But when he's on the mound pitching, he says something I'll mess it up,

everybody, please don't be mad at me. But he says something like clear the mechanism. That's what he says it's something right. And that immediately immediately they show. And he goes into this tunnel vision, right? And that's his trigger. You'll watch athletes get in the batter's box, tap the plate two times, bring their bat back. No more Garcia part of this player,

this crazy routine with his batting gloves he would do over and over again, and then get into the batter's box. Golfers, it'll be something they do with their putter. You know, they'll take two practice strokes, step in left hand, right hand, grip, go, right? And, or they'll have a breathing technique. A lot of golfers, we use a technique called tick,

tuck, tick, tuck. And that just keeps them in some sort of a rhythmic flow back and forth through their putter. Depending on the putter, how long they take the putter back and how far through. So it's breathing and triggers is typically the way that I would center somebody and you must do that as well. You're the best at breathing. Is there a particular way you recommend somebody breathe to get themselves into a zone state or a calm state or a blissful state or is it I think it's probably different breathing techniques depending on the state? or a blissful state or is it I think it's probably different breathing techniques depending on the state? Yeah definitely what do they need to go do? What do they need to go do? So whatever the breathing state needs to be in the activity they're about to go do that's where we want them to get to be. So if it's if it's golf it's a slower one it's a breathing technique where it's with the tick

and with the talk so it's rhythmic right with somebody who has to do something more, like I work with a lot of sprinters, which is funny because I would fall if I ran next to them. But with the sprinter, it's very different. It's much more, it's like very fast. It's like, it's like they're speeding it up. They're trying to get themselves in that motion, right? So it just depends on what they're trying to get into an ideal state. I think often for a lot of people, they think it's a lot about breath. I actually think it's so much more about body opening now as I've matured in my own coaching with people. I work with a sprinter just comes to mind. He taught me this thing.

He was back. We were in the locker room at an Olympic challenge. And he, I don't want to try not to describe who this person is. But let me just say what he taught me. He taught me this was amazing. This is not mine, guys. He was feeling anxiety. He said, watch this. I asked, we were talking about I said, what are you gonna do about it? He goes up to this wall, he puts both hands on the wall. And he kind of leaned into the wall, pushed really hard.

And then he lift his leg and he crossed his legs to touch his other elbow. And he was just, and he just did this and he was breathing rhythmically for like two and a half minutes. That's all he was doing. And he told me he did it because he was wanting to cross his physical body, which he believed activated his cerebellum

in his brain, which calms you down. And he also felt like it opened up his body, because we get tight. And so a lot of people, they're very tight, but they're breathing. Like, how about you stretch and breathe? I think it's an opening of the body into a point of more expression and elongation that is just as important. I know we are hyper focused in breathing at this moment in our society, but I think it's also an opening elongation and crossing that people find even more comfort or more activation. Just my thought.

Wow, Brennan, so good. I think the biggest overriding thing here is to know that you can have some freedom with this. And if it's something that you're intentional about, you'll get better at it. And instead of living unconsciously, you live consciously. You live with intention about it. And I'm pretty good example of that,

of somebody who lived really unconsciously for many, many years of my life. And you know, I'm a goal-oriented person, just like almost everybody listening to this. And it's amazing that we have all these goals of things we want to do or accumulate or acquire. But we really don't want the jet. We want how we think the jet will make us feel. You know? You don't even really want the house. You want how you think the house will make you, you don't even necessarily all the time want to contribute.

You want to contribute because of how it'll make you feel about yourself. Now you want to, you know what I mean though. There's an element to contribution that we feel good about ourselves. And so what we're actually really seeking on these goal lists are emotions. We just write them down as things, accumulations and stuff. So wouldn't it be interesting?

And I have a theory about this in the power of one more. Wouldn't it be interesting? And it's okay to write out some goals of the emotions you would like to experience more of. Yes. And you'll find, here's what you'll find, give you a secret everybody, the more you live in those emotions the easier it is to get those things, not the other way around. So good. So for the most part in our lives we write down the stuff we got to do or accumulate because we think it'll make us feel a particular way. And then we wonder, why am I so blocked from getting these things?

Well, if you're living in states that don't attract those things, or that are the opposite of how you'd feel if you had them, how likely it is you're going to bring it into your life? Not very likely, even with the talents and skills. But if you're living in those states, the accumulation of the things that people that are in those states regularly have will find their way to you oftentimes.

And so one thing that you might consider everybody is actually having some goals, emotional goals, and also knowing you don't have to go get them. They're within you right now. But the more you begin to live consciously, live intentionally, have some outcomes about it. I can tell you all very specifically several years back I want, I had a goal in my family, we have love in our family right, we've made great memories, we were grateful, we're really grateful for all

the blessings but I actually asked myself is there joy in our home? That's a different emotion, joy, just joy. And I just missed that one all these years. It's not that there wasn't joy, but there wasn't an abundance of it. I saw, I mean, I love my family that I grew up in, but it just wasn't a lot of joy. So it's just kind of a blind spot.

So we had gratitude, we had love, we had contribution, we had great memories. But I just like, I want our family to be better. What are we missing? How much joy, like belly laughing on our backs, joy do we have in our family? And we had some, but when I evaluated it, before my kids left the house, they were both like 15, 16,

like before these kids live here, I want them to live in a home with joy, with joy. And just having that outcome, I started to look for situations and circumstances that could bring us more of that. And to your point earlier, or something we were already doing, but I went deeper in it to get more of the joy from it. I mind more joy from an experience for my family than I would have got if I wasn't focused on getting more of it for our family.

And so ask yourself, what are some of the emotions that you'd like more of? And the more you begin to live intentionally, you're pretty good at getting the things you want in your life, everybody. You've been pretty good at that part so far, right? And I wanna zoom in for people with what you just said is because you actually said two things there.

One is have the goals for how you want to feel for your emotions, right? I often talk about it as like an intention and an alignment for your inner world. Because if you have intention alignment for your inner world then your external world, you have more initiative and achievement. And if people have lack initiative achievement,

they're usually not as intentional or aligned internally, but you had goals for your emotions. But then what he did, guys, he gave a masterclass. Ed had intentions for the emotional experiences of his family. So he didn't have just have goals how you wanna feel, he had goals for what he wanted his teenagers to feel. And I think this is important.

You are constantly generating energy for yourself, but you have the ability to generate energy with other people. And that's a whole other level of mastery when you can generate the energy and the emotions with others that you collectively want to feel. And you feel this at concerts, right? When there's a positive emotional contagion.

But usually the musicians are doing that on purpose with rhythm and as family, as a father, as a leader, as moms out there, as entrepreneurs, you get to generate a rhythm of energy with the people you lead. The more consciously you do that and the more you try to elevate that, the more you get the icons like a Martin Luther King

who can give that speech in front of 200,000 people on the Washington Monument Mall, all of a sudden like, whoa, whoa, because he learned the rhythm to move an audience. And Ed and I work on the rhythm to move an audience because we're being conscious about the energy we're creating with others and we're inviting that in. But if we can take that home and create those emotions

and energies with our family and do it internally, it's a whole different experience we get to have of our inner and outer world. And that's freedom, baby. So good, Ren. That's freedom. I don't know why you and I don't do this every day. My life would be better if we did this every single day.

So good, Ren. So good. By the way, you're a trigger for me in the best way. Your best friends are triggers for you in the best way. When I see him, I hear his voice, it triggers a state of, triggers a lot of things, triggers a lot of emotions. One is just gratitude for his friendship. He also love, I know that it's somebody who believes in me.

My confidence level automatically goes up when I'm with Brendan, like instantaneously. And I think, you know, the other part of it too, is I want to be better. You know, he makes me want to be better. I don't know what that emotion would be called, I guess, desire maybe. But I think people can be great triggers for you as well. And I just, you know, I love you. I want you to know that you're that for me.

You know, you're one of those people who generates love for me and confidence in myself and make me want to be better. There are definitely situations where we're talking about role or your role where I will ask myself how you would handle something, particularly when I have to criticize people. I've watched you do that. No, no, no, I've watched you do it so elegantly. That is such a important skill of knowing how to coach and criticize is the wrong word, but how to coach somebody and give them constructive feedback. And you do that so elegantly where, you know, someone feels you rebuke a little bit like, hey, this needs to get better, but they don't feel judgment from you. They don't feel judged. bit like, hey, this needs to get better, but they don't feel judgment from you.

They don't feel judged. Um, and you're of the many, many things you're great at as a leader, you're very, very, very skilled at being able to deliver difficult news or constructive criticism amongst all the other things. So I have to often think how would Brendan handle this? And I just want you to know that. I mean, that is a real compliment to you and a true one. Thank you. It's funny, I feel like the same is for you. You lock me into a sense of wisdom. You know, when I when I hear you talk or I hear you teach, it's coming from a place of wisdom. Like those miles have been run. This was the hard distinction. And also, I think, I wish I could speak it more generically, but it's like, I tell Denise all the time, it's

like, man, he's such a good man. Thank you. You know, I know you want to be a good man for your son, for your wife, for the way that you, you know, for Bella, like how there's, you want to be a good man for your family. And you want to have a good reputation with people as a good man. And I'm like good man for your family, and you want to have a good reputation with people as a good man. And I'm like, man, I just, there's a sense of integrity there.

I finished our calls and I'm like, hey, I want to be a good man. I want to be a good role model. I want to be a good leader, but the way that you do it, I wish people and more people would really know how important it is for you to be a good man, why you go on that trip with your son for golfing, why you take those moments with your daughter.

Like you care about your legacy with them. You care about being a good man with them. And anyway, that's how, that's what it cultivates for me with you. And I don't know if that's a fatherly instinct or feeling I have from you, but it makes me a better man. It does. You couldn't say anything nicer to me. So thank you very much. Alright everybody. Thank you for enjoying with us. Ed, I'll talk with you soon. Everybody else, let's go have an awesome July. Let's go win the month. Let's win this. Let's win the year. Thanks, everybody.

This is the Ed Mylan Show.