THE ED MYLETT SHOW - Your Fears Are REAL & Here's How You Face Them

Episode Date: September 26, 2024

This is your blueprint to start living with more courage and purpose. Let’s cut through the noise. Fear is real—it’s wired into our DNA for a reason—but it doesn't have to cripple you. I'll show you how to take that fear, reframe it, and use it as fuel to propel you forward, whether you're facing a big decision, starting a business, or just trying to get through your day with confidence. FEAR is one of the most misunderstood and universal emotions we all face. Whether it's fear of failure, fear of rejection, or just that everyday anxiety about life and the world around us, today's episode is packed with real, actionable strategies to help you take control. Here’s what you’ll take away: Why fear isn’t just “False Evidence Appearing Real” and how to identify when it’s serving a real purpose. The neuroscience behind fear and why your body reacts the way it does under stress. How to shift from fear to excitement by changing your thoughts and reframing your emotions. Strategies for confronting and “dancing” with your fears instead of letting them paralyze you. The 51% rule: You don’t need to eliminate fear, just tip the scales enough to take action. How to use trigger words and physical techniques to instantly shift your state. I’m challenging you to face your fears head-on. Whether it’s a big presentation, a tough conversation, or just the day-to-day battles of life, fear doesn’t have to hold you back. Let’s take action together, step into the discomfort, and MAXOUT your life! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

So hey guys, listen, we're all trying to get more productive and the question is, how do you find a way to get an edge? I'm a big believer that if you're getting mentoring or you're in an environment that causes growth, a growth based environment, that you're much more likely to grow and you're going to grow faster. And that's why I love Growth Day. Growth Day is an app that my friend Brendan Burchard has created that I'm a big fan of. Write this down, growthday.com forward slash ed. So if you want to be more productive, by the way the way he's asked me I post videos in there every single Monday that gets your day off to the right start he's got about five thousand ten thousand dollars worth of courses that are in there that come with the app also some of the top influencers in the world are all posting content and they're

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So go to growthday.com forward slash ed. That's growthday.com forward slash ed. This episode brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Shifting a little money here, a little there, and hoping it all works out? Well, with the Name Your Price tool from Progressive, you can get a better budgeter and potentially lower your insurance bill too. You tell Progressive what you want to pay for car insurance

and they'll help find you options within your budget. Try it today at progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states. ["The Admirer Show Theme"] This is The Admirer Show. Welcome back to the show everybody. So every once in a while a topic keeps coming up in the questions. So at EdMyLed.com we get a lot of questions, Ed, please cover this topic.

Instagram, we get a lot of DMs and the number one topic easily the last 90 days has been fear. So many people are scared right now about their lives, about the economy, about the world, about not making their dreams come true, just fear in general. And there's so much BS out there in the personal development space on this topic that I want to look at right in the eyes and I want to deal with it today and I want to give you some strategies that can help you like real ones. And also just discuss the topic in general.

You know, one of the things that frustrates me, especially in self-help, personal development, entrepreneurship, is people say, fear isn't real. You ever hear that before? And immediately your BS meter goes off. Of course, fear is real. You ever heard that analogy?

They love to give you this one, the old school, right? False evidence appearing real, fear. What a crock, like totally wrong. Fear is very real. And if you've ever felt it, it's visceral. And if you've had a really deep fear, you know absolutely it's real. And by the way, some of the things we're afraid of, nobody's going to tell you this in personal development. You're always supposed, you can overcome every fear. You ever heard that before? You can overcome all of it. Listen, some fears are there for a reason.

They're wired into our DNA, into our neuro biochemistry for a reason, which is to help us focus, which is to warn us of threats, of things that could be very, very real. You ever had somebody trying to break into your home and you feel fear, that's real, and they're trying to break into your home. Now there's a difference between hearing a noise in the middle of the night and beginning to imagine someone's trying to break into your house and someone really trying to do that. It's imagining something that's not true that's dangerous. But many fears are real and fear is not necessarily a bad thing. It's not a fun thing almost ever,

but it's not necessarily a bad thing. So it's not false evidence appearing real every time. It just isn't. Sometimes it's real evidence appearing very real, and you have every reason in the world to feel scared or have fear. So let's just get real about that, number one. Let's get that off the top. Let's BS that it's false evidence appearing real.

So the question is what do we do with fear when it rears its head? What is it? How does it work? It's really interesting thing because here's how real fear is. As soon as you recognize fear, here's what happens. The amygdala, which is a really small organ in the middle of your brain, it goes to work immediately. It alerts your nervous system, sets your body's fear response in motion. Stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline are pumped through your body. Your blood pressure and heart rate increase dramatically. That's what happens to you. Matter of fact, you know what else happens to you?

All the blood begins to move from your heart to your extremities, to your hands and feet so that you can fight. It's literally what's happening in your body. And so sometimes fear is very real. My fighters, my UFC fighters that I work with, my boxers, people ask them all the time, do you get scared before you come into the octagon? People think all the time, these men and women are bulletproof. They're just different than us. They're freaks. They're never scared. You know what most of them say? And by the way, 100% of the honest ones, yes, I'm scared. And if they weren't scared, they wouldn't perform as well, ironically. Fear does not always cripple performance, especially in athletics, because like I said, it moves the blood from your heart to your hands

and your feet so that you can begin to act and punch and move faster and stronger. Now, but thinking, critical thinking, processing information, that's a whole different story altogether. And when you're pumped full of adrenaline, you're pumped full of cortisol, right? You don't think as clearly. So we need to really look at this fear thing in its eyes.

Now here's the good news. Fear and excitement are cousins. They're related. What actually goes on in your body when you're enthusiastic, you're excited, call it even anxious, you're pumped up, right? In your body from a biochemistry standpoint is almost identical to fear. The difference is what you're thinking and what you're processing and your ability to process information. But your body really moves the same way. And so the question is, can we shift ourselves from a completely fear-based state into an enthusiastic, pumped-up, excited state? And by the way, you don't have to move all the way there where you've eradicated fear completely.

Here's the misnomer, and this is why most people never take action. They think, if I can't eliminate fear altogether, I can't start that business. I can't get up there and do public speaking. I can't go overcome my fear of heights. I can't ask that person out on a date. I can't write my book. They think I have to eradicate all fear, right? It's actually not true. You have to get to 51%. That's all it is. 51% excitement and enthusiasm when 49% of its fear, you can take action in that state. This notion that you have to have this threshold of you've eliminated your fears, you're gonna live a long time before all of those are gone. People ask me all the time before I speak in public,

they'll say to me, you know, because I speak 80 nights a year, do you get scared? Are you afraid? My answer is always, yeah, I do have fear. I'm afraid I won't serve to the level that I can. Maybe I'll forget a story or something I want to cover. I don't want to let people down. I don't embarrass myself. My biggest fear of my life when I was young in college as a dramatic introvert is public speaking. And now it's one of the things I

do 80 times a year and I'm in front of a camera probably a hundred more times a year. That's not true. Probably 200 more times a year. So it became something that could cripple me if I didn't learn to face it. If I didn't learn to dance with it, which is what we're 200 more times a year. So it became something that could cripple me if I didn't learn to face it, if I didn't learn to dance with it, which is what we're gonna talk about today. I'm not trying to eliminate it. So what I normally will say is I'll say,

yeah, I have fear, but it's a little bit more like excitement. It's a little bit more like I'm anxious. It's a little bit more like kind of looking forward to what's gonna happen in that magic moment. So I try to get at least a 51% excitement of my thoughts and 49% fear. Now, I'll be honest with you,

the more and more you do something, it becomes 60% excitement, 40% fear. Little bit longer, little bit more reps, it can be 80% excitement, 20% fear. You might even get to a point in your life where you're no longer afraid and you're just excited. But the reason I point this out to you is this notion that you have to have 100% of the fear gone

or dealt with it to take action is really one of the most misunderstood, really detrimental thoughts that's been sewed into society and culture. You got to overcome your fears You're not gonna overcome every single fear. Maybe you need to face them. Maybe you need to dance with them I'm gonna give you some strategies in a minute. Maybe you need to deal with it Maybe you need to run it all the way to its conclusion in your mind But it's really a matter of changing some of our thoughts and by the way, that's not easy to do either But I'm gonna show you some of the ways how you ever have somebody say, Hey, calm down, calm down.

Does that help you calm down? You know, Hey man, just think positively. Think positively. I'm afraid of heights and we're up here in the mountains. You think positively, right? So what ends up happening is your physiology overrides your thinking. So thoughts can impact physiology right and action But physiology can override a thought

Most times not all the time, but most of the time physiology will be the driver Okay, so we got to change what we think but we probably need to do a few things deeper than that as well So calm down doesn't work think positive doesn't work. These are not things that work So really what fear is it's an alert to your nervous system You know what I say Let's listen to our fears all the way to the end of the story. You know when I was a little boy I I was always afraid there was a boogeyman in the house That wasn't a completely unfounded fear

I mean someone could do that, but I remember my dad would come in and he'd open my closet you go Eddie Look, there's no boo dad would come in and he'd open my closet you go Eddie Look, there's no boogeyman in the closet There's no boogeyman in the closet, but then he said something more important than that He said and if there was daddy, he'll handle him Daddy he'll handle him And that gave me some comfort What he did is he reframed the story So the first thing is we did a little BS check,

is this a real fear? And a lot of times the boogeyman you're afraid of isn't real. But he could be, or they could be, or it could be. But then he took me to the end of the story, basically saying everything will be okay. Everything will be okay. It's not that bad. And when you begin to stare the boogeymen of your life in the face, almost every single time, you will find out it's not as bad as you think. And that's how you learn to shift to excitement, anticipation.

See, I call it that Friday night feeling, before I speak now, before I do anything I'm afraid of. I call them butterfly moments. I wrote about butterflies in my first book called Max Out. And I've learned after 50 plus years on this planet that all great things in my life have been preceded by butterfly moments. You know those butterflies you get like when you're dropping down in a roller coaster, you get the butterflies. I call it that Friday night feeling if you were a high school football player, if you were a guy, you know, or you were a lady and you played soccer or softball, or you were a guy or a lady before a high school prom or a dance, or your first

day, you get those butterflies in your life. Those butterflies, that's your chemistry changing, your biochemistry changing, your neurobiology changing, and what that is, is it's fear. It's fear. But it's a lot different when you don't call fear, fear and you reframe it and name it a butterfly moment. A butterfly moment, and by the way, think about your own life. All of the butterfly moments of your life, all the great moments of your life, were preceded by the butterflies. That beautiful first date, your wedding day, the birth of a child, right? The starting of your business. Even things that didn't work out, the best memories of your life were preceded by butterflies,

which means they were preceded by what you call fear. But butterflies, I believe, are that beautiful mix of fear, anxiousness, excitement, and enthusiasm as one package reframed. Not eliminating fear, dancing with it, facing it, knowing that without fear, without fear, there's no great moments of our life. Almost none of the great moments of our life didn't come with some kind of butterfly moment. So I actually chased the butterflies in my life.

And the more that becomes your pattern of not running from the butterflies, but chasing them, the more that becomes, the more familiar you become with butterfly moments, the more it's reframed into a butterfly moment, as opposed to terror, complete fear. And I'm going to show you how to make it a butterfly in your life, where it's excitement and enthusiasm. It's basically just slightly different thinking with the same chemistry going on in your body. And it's not a trick. It doesn't mean the fear isn't real. It doesn't mean I couldn't mess up the speech. It doesn't mean you couldn't fall off the mountain. It doesn't mean that. It doesn't mean there isn't a boogeyman in the closet. It doesn't mean that the

person's not going to reject you. It doesn't mean that you couldn't mess up your vows on your wedding day. All these things that are fears What I'm saying to you is it's the entire juice of life The other thing I will say to you I want you to write this down is I think fear is a weapon of the adversary If you're a person of faith like I am it's the devil's work most of the time, but sometimes it's God protecting you Saying be careful there are things I was riding one of my horses the other day and I felt some fear because there was construction going

on around us. And you know what? It was a great alert to get off my horse because about four minutes later, my horse freaked out and took off running. He'd have thrown me off of him had I been on him. That fear alerted me to make a smart decision but it didn't cripple my thinking. What if that fear would have caused me not to think because all that blood is running away from my heart and best decisions are made when we're in our heart. So here how do we change that stuff? Number one, I want to recommend something to you. Take your fears all the way to their logical conclusion. Just run them all the way out to the end of the story. Here's what I think you're gonna find. It's not as bad as you think.

People say, don't look at your fears, right? Yeah, look at them. Let's say I went out and bombed that speech. Am I still alive? Am I still breathing? Do I still have another day to fight on? Could I maybe learn a lesson? Yeah. Am I still alive? Am I still breathing? Do I still have another day to fight on? Could I maybe learn a lesson? Yeah. What if you asked that person out on the date and they said, no, is that really the end of your life?

Are they gonna talk about it forever? No. Most people aren't thinking about you. They're thinking about what you're thinking about them. So I say, listen to your fears all the way to the story. I think you'll find that when you shine more and more light on that boogeyman, the more they get exposed for being much smaller, even if they truly exist, than you think they

are. Shine light on it. Take it all the way to the end. People say, well, you know, if you're an athlete, I mean, you're afraid you're gonna strike out. The more you think about striking out, the more you're likely to strike out. That's true if you did it all the time, but I can tell you a lot of times I thought about, you know what, even if I did it is just a game. It is just one at bat. People won't be talking about this 30 years from now. It's going to be okay. It's going to be. Even some of the greatest blunders in the history of sports where we still talk about it to this day, they don't have the same thing they used to. They just don't stick like they used to. So I say, listen, you know, it's the beginning of the story that creates the fear. But usually,

if we ride it all the way to its conclusion, the boogeyman may be real, but maybe not quite as bad as you think. And remember, all you got to do is get to 51 49 Not 100% no fear and that's kind of our challenge We think you have to eradicate fear completely, but I think we need to do is learn to talk to it Dance with it a little bit extend and negotiate with it a little Pull it out of the closet a little bit and say let's just look at this thing and I'm gonna give you some real strategies here in a minute because Because the physiology is very, very similar to enthusiasm or excitement or anxiousness or anticipation.

If we can shift the way we think about what's going on in our body, we can leverage it. This show is sponsored by Airbnb. I gotta tell you, I get tired of staying at hotels. I travel a lot in hotels, no offense, but they're getting noisier and noisier and noisier and a lot of things that used to come with the hotel rooms like room service and other benefits like that, they just don't do it anymore or not like they used to. So my last couple of

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on car insurance. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states or situations. So it's just starting to look at the terminology, number one, of these fears. Now here's what happens, you start breathing faster, the blood flows, like I said, to your extremities, and it can change things. But there's all kinds of stories of fighters, athletes, smart people who have leveraged those

fears into being a catalyst for them. So, fear can actually become pleasure pretty quickly, and that's why the butterflies matter. You know, like, for example, here's something that you probably have never heard this term of, but if you ever heard of an excitement transfer process, it's really interesting. You actually call it an excitation transfer process, but I always when I'm coaching people call it an excitement transfer process, but it's excitation. What that means is that when you ride a roller coaster or you go to like a haunted house or something like that, and it's a scary experience and then it's over believe it or not That experience carries over you stay aroused you get more dopamine

For several hours sometimes after the experience So the cool part about overcoming a fear the haunted house of your life the roller coaster of your life You don't just get the dopamine in the moment But you get an arousal for hours afterwards when you overcome it. And every time you overcome a fear, the boogeyman gets smaller and smaller and smaller. It goes from 40, 51, 49 to 60, 40 to 70, 30, as I've said. Let me tell you a story. By the way, even during a staged fear experience where you just make it up in your mind,

your brain will produce more of a chemical called dopamine, which is really a pleasure chemical in your mind, even when you just stage your fears. So not that long ago, what made me decide to do this after all the questions that came in, really an interesting experience. I'm blessed in the sense that now I'm I fly commercial again, I was blessed for a long time that I had my own airplanes and just because I'm cheap, I ended up not keeping them. But it's been such a great world experience to see my work play out in the real world when I'm in real world situations more often. In airplanes, you see all kinds of interesting people and interesting things at airports and airplanes. I think you all just thought of someone right now, right? So I was on a flight not too long ago and I wasn't in a great space. My flight had canceled, then another delay, then a cancellation again. My bag was at the wrong airport. I had to spend the night at a hotel and then this is one of those, you know, those things, right?

And so then I get a ticket and I ended up the way the ticket worked. I couldn't get the normal seat that I get. So I know I sound like I'm complaining, which is crazy, but I ended up sitting down and I'm on the aisle and there's a young man next to me, nice young man and a lady next to him. And they've got their headphones on and I'm watching this young man. He was okay when we were on the ground. And as they said, Hey, basically get your feet,

Steve Bulkfast and we're gonna be taking off, I watched him become terror, terrorized. Not a normal fear that I've seen in a lot of people. And to the point where I've headphones on, so I'm kind of looking straight ahead, this young man starts shaking. And I mean uncontrollably shaking. He starts hitting himself in the face.

And I'm thinking, maybe something's really wrong with this guy. I don't know if this airplane should take off, right? And I get up, I literally get up and I go tell the flight attendant, hey, I'm gonna keep an eye on this guy, but I want you to know something's wrong with this guy. I thought something was actually really wrong with him,

you know, mentally. Just kind of hitting himself. And so I sat back down, I said, hey man, are you okay? And he goes, I'm not, I'm so afraid of flying. I said, have you ever flown before? He goes, only one other time. And it was a bad flight and I'm really scared. And he kept shaking. And now we're in the air, so we're going. And I said, listen, the worst thing you can do when someone's scared is calm down, calm down, calm down. I said, let's try a couple of things, brother. Number one, what are you really afraid of? Let's just look at it. And he goes, well, I guess I'm afraid the plane's going to crash.

And I said, okay, you know, the odds of that happening, he goes, I know it's not likely. And I said, so do you really think this plane's going to crash? I said, you know, we're not going over water, so we're going to go over a bunch of smaller airports, brother, that if the plane had a mechanical issue, this is also a small airplane. We could land at smaller airports even if we needed to. This plane could also glide if it had to, brother, right? It's got multiple engines. You got two pilots up front.

By the way, that guy right over there, he's another pilot. He's on the airplane. So we got a bonus pilot because he's flying probably to do his next flight. He goes, okay. I said, so brother, that's probably not going to happen. I said, by the way, I'm just curious, you person of faith and turns out his dad's a pastor back in South Africa. And I said, so if the plane did crash, just curious, like, where do you go? He goes, oh, I know I'm going to heaven. I Said so this thing that's not gonna happen at all You would go to heaven if it happened because yeah, but my dad and he'd be scared I said I got all that but I said so but you'd be in heaven

He goes, yeah, I'd be in heaven and I said, okay And then he seemed pretty calm for about an hour Then I saw him getting agitated again and more scared again and more scared again. I just said hey man, you're safe You're safe. I didn't tell him to calm down. I said, you're safe. You're safe. Everything's okay. And I kind of touched him.

And I said, you're safe. Everything's okay, brother. I promise. Promise. Borrow some of my faith. And then I said, would you do something crazy with me? He goes, yeah. I said, because you're acting crazy.

And we laughed. Use humor. And I said, I said, because you're acting crazy. And we laughed, use humor. And I said, so we know we're not crashing. If we do, we're going to heaven. And we know this is kind of crazy. So we're laughing now. So I'm pulling out every arsenal I got. I said, Hey man, let's control our breathing. Let's just change our breathing. Right? Let's get some blood back into our heart and out of these extremities. No, he doesn't know that. That's what I'm thinking. So I taught him a breathing technique.

I said, breathe in through your nose to a count of four. And he goes, okay. And I said, when they get there, I go, give me one more like that. And I said, then blow it out through your mouth. Back in, four count through your nose. Hold it, one more. Back in, just quick second. Now the lady next to him's breathing and we're kind of laughing. Then the lady on the row over here, then her little girl is about five years old, then the dad. So now we got a whole row of us breathing into the nose for four count, little cheat breaths, one more in the nose and then out. And we did that. And all of a sudden I watched him begin to calm down,

really calm down, and he goes, and I said here's the kicker man what a story you're gonna have this test will be your testimony and if you don't go through this through this butterfly moment I told him about the butterflies I said you don't have a story to tell I said bro all the great stories of your life are gonna come from moments like this you're gonna have a great story to tell about this it's gonna be funny you're gonna be laughing that you sat next to me, of all people, right? And you were hitting yourself in the damn head looking like a crazy man over a plane that's not crashing, that's going over

land only, over about a hundred airports we could land at. Pretty damn funny. And he laughed. And then you're going to heaven anyway. And then he had his breathing under control. And then we talked about it being a story someday And I said what you should bro if you could just start telling yourself right now. I'm excited. I'm fired up I'm fired up. I said bro. You're fired up. You're fired up what he did is he started to rename the chemistry happening in his body and Candidly the last two hours He was fine with a little bit of a issue when we were descending. We went back to our

breathing and he was back to normal again. So why do I tell you that story? I tell you that story because there's multiple strategies that you could give to yourself. Number one, dance with it. Take it to its conclusion. The boogeyman won't be as bad as you think. Number two, this is a big one, okay? Reframing it and recall it something new. Call it you're fired up. My daughter when she was a little girl we lived on this lake there was this big rock thing that all the kids would jump off of into the lake and every time Bella would go up there the fear would happen. Her

chemistry would change. You know how this works right? She's afraid to jump. She could hit the rocks on the way down. All the things you worry about. Maybe I'll drown. My Bella boo jump. Bella jump. Now, everyone's yelling on their boats, jump, Bella, jump, Bella. And the first time she walked right back down the rocks again, which was probably more dangerous than jumping. And we went back a few weeks later, jump, Bella Boo. All the pressure of everybody, the fears got worse, and she'd lean over and lean over. It's like a half hour now, everyone's getting in front. Go, Bella. And she almost going, and she couldn't go. She'd almost jumped, and she couldn't jump. And so, finally, I said, Bella Boo, do you know what a story this is going to be someday? I said, Bella, you're fired up. I said, you're fired up. She goes, what daddy? I said,

you're fired up. I said, say you're fired up. She goes, I'm fired up. I said, you know what? Say it again. I'm fired up. I'm fired up. I'm fired up. And she started to rename this feeling in her body because it's identical to fear, excitement, enthusiasm, anxiousness, anticipation. The butterflies is the exact same chemistry in your body as fear. Name it, Bella. I'm fired up. I'm fired up. I'm fired up. She's I'm fired up daddy and we got her to 51. We didn't get her completely out of 100 to zero where she had no fear. I got her to fifth note. She got her to 51 by the phraseology. I said, Bella, this is going to be a story. Well, guess what? I was right. Here I am 15 years later still telling the story. And guess what? Every time the rest of Bella's life, she's been afraid. I said, Bella, you're fired up, just like jumping off those rocks. You're fired up to give that speech

in class. You're fired up for that test. You're fired up about this game. And she's like, daddy, I'm fired up. I'm fired up. And she's got this trigger word. It's called a trigger word It's called a trigger word that she uses now to name this feeling in her body. And all you got to do is have it happen one time where you name it. You got a new trigger. It's fired up. Yours will be whatever you want it to be. So you could take that fear all the way. Okay? You can look at it, run it to its conclusion. It won't be as bad as you think. Hey guys, you've been hearing about Mint Mobile probably everywhere and I'm super excited that you're hearing about them now on the

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Speed slower on 40 gigabytes on an unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See MintMobile.com for details. Number two, you can name it, name what's going on. So this fear can become a pleasure in your body. We just had to get her to 51. We reframed what that feeling in her body felt like. Does that work every time? No, I'm never going to tell you everything. So I'm throwing a bunch of things at you. But once you overcome one, I can tell you when I'm backstage, I'm fired up. I'm fired up and I have a physical trigger. You're hearing me snap my fingers.

Created a physical trigger as well. I've got an auditory verbal thing I say and a physical trigger. I'm fired up. So when I feel this thing you call fear that I now call enthusiasm, I call anticipation. I call excitement. now call enthusiasm, I call anticipation, I call excitement, I've renamed it. And that renaming, that reframing gives me a shot to take action. And every time I take that action, it goes from 51% excitement to 60 to 70 to 80 to it may go away altogether. I actually don't want it to go all the way up, but I'd like to be at about 95.5 on most things in my life because fear focuses. Fear focuses, fear focuses, but you're damn right it's real. Next thing you can do, if that doesn't work for you, okay?

I want you to create a highlight reel of your mind of the one or two or three things in your life that were fearful of yours that you've overcome. Whatever that was. And you begin to run that picture in your mind, that visualization of, I was afraid of speaking and I gave that speech and now it's kind of gone again. I was afraid of going on my first date and I did that. I was afraid of writing that term paper. I was afraid of applying for that job. I was afraid of that job interview. I was afraid of walking in

that room. You have a little highlight reel of one or two other things you do and then you visualize the next thing which is this. Your subconscious mind, your unconscious mind does not know the difference between what has already happened and what is about to happen. People tell you that doesn't know the difference between what's real and what's not real. That's debatable to me, but I know this when I show my mind something I've already done once or twice and then I feed it the next image, I'm likely to step into that image and be excited and less fearful. If none of that works, write it down. Write down your fears. There's something different between getting out of your head and your words into writing. And when you begin to write this boogeyman down, let me tell you what happens. It loses a lot of its power

over you. Somehow seeing it for what it is, it gets you out of it. Right now you're in your fear. When you write it down, you're above it and out of it, looking at it from a different perspective, the written word on the page. And the more and more you write that on the page, the more it's comforting to you, okay? It's more it separates you from the emotion and you can begin to reframe it.

If that doesn't work, I'm going to give you another one. Take yourself mentally to a place of peace. Just change the scenery, a person, a place or a thing. So for example, for me, I'll just be candid with you. It's usually, I picture me walking on the beach with Jesus. It's just, I don't know, the beach, the water, Jesus, it gives me peace. And for whatever reason, I'll just say this publicly, spending time with my daughter. Of all the people, something about little Bella Boo being with me causes me peace. And so if you could take yourself to a peaceful place, it'll change your perspective. And then I think about who'd be proud of me if I did this, and it's

usually that same person or place. And then if that doesn't work, try this one. Picture what it'll look like when you do it, and take yourself to that peaceful place. One of the things I did with this young man is I said, where are you going? And he said, I'm going to see my dad at his new church. And I said, just picture yourself in church with him on Sunday, bro, and the story you'll tell. Little water in his eyes. I said, he's going to be so proud of you.

You're going to be sitting in that church on Sunday, man. It's only Friday. You'll be there in a couple of days. You're going to be there in a couple of hours. And take yourself to a different destination related to what you need to do. Oftentimes I'll picture the end of the speech and the crowd emotional and cheering.

Or I'll picture the message that I get a month later from the person saying thank you for changing my life. And it takes me to that peaceful place and now I have to do it. Even if I don't want to, I have to. And in that young man's case, Even if I don't want to, I have to. And in that young man's case, even if he didn't want to, he had to be there for his dad at his new church on Sunday. And it took him to a peaceful place when he was there. So the highlight reel, the writing it down, the facing it

and right where it needs to be. And then just remember this, that it's real. It's okay that it's real, but what's not okay is to stand still. What's not okay is to create a pattern in your life where you give in to these butterflies. These butterflies are beautiful. They're disguised most times as something really bad, but they're not. You were born to fly, and I'm giving a corny analogy, but you weren't born to be a caterpillar. Caterpillars stay on the ground. They move real slow, there's not a lot of threats to them. You weren't born to be a caterpillar, you were born to be a butterfly. And the fact of the matter is, the only way you're gonna get those wings is by dancing with these butterfly feelings when you get them and identifying them as such. Now, if there's

a fear in your life that's real, you can address it, but most of the time when you run into its conclusion It's not when you realize this test will be my testimony you're fired up when you create a trigger word or a trigger Move in your body. It will change it by the way humor is a huge one The last thing I'll do is I will actually take my fear and I will close my eyes and watch it happen me bombing on Stage and I'll watch it in slow motion and then I'll put funny music over it. Like a circus song, right? And I'll just watch me making a complete fool to myself and I'll laugh. And then I don't take myself too seriously because a lot of our fears,

believe it or not, are ego-driven. What are they going to think about me? I'm a big deal. I'm a big deal. And when you just make fun of yourself when you just realize, if I make, I've actually not given good speeches before, and it's actually pretty damn funny. Think about big mistakes of your life, embarrassing moments. They're actually pretty damn funny. Right? And so what I'll do is I'll just turn this fear into a damn funny, embarrassing moment. Yeah, I blew the speech. Yeah, he said no when I asked him out. Yeah, the date went like crap. Yeah, my book bombed. Yeah, blah, blah, blah. And I'll actually dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, and I'll watch it in slow motion. I'll speed it up. I'll rewind it and I'll put weird music over it. And I just don't take it so damn seriously. And don't take yourself so damn seriously. Now, all of this stuff I've thrown at you, if you can't pick one of these things, and if

anything you get out of it, which is to tell you that your fear is real. And also to tell you it's a cousin of anticipation. It's a cousin of excitement. Listen, all the great things in your life have come from butterfly moments and most fears are butterflies. They are. And so embrace them as such. Take the laundry list of stuff I've given you here and realize that one of these I've given you here and realize that one of these will work for you. And here's all we're trying to do in our life. Here's all we're trying to do. It's not have fear, never affect us again.

That's a crazy standard. We want it to affect us less, less predominantly and less often. You're still going to have moments in your life where you give in to your fears. If someone tells you that's not true, they're just wrong. What we want is it to happen as infrequently as possible. What we want is to address, is this something I should really be afraid of? Or is this a damn butterfly moment? Is this really fear or is this actually anticipation? If I could reframe this, rethink this, re-strategize this,

my life might look different. So people say to me, what if it's a quick pressure situation? So let me give you this one thing. I have a trigger word that I use that's a pattern interrupt because fear is a pattern that begins to stack. So if I need something quickly, I have a word or a move I make. So we talked about fired up earlier, right? Fired up, fired up. But I actually have a word or a move I make. So we talked about fired up earlier, right? Fired up fired up, but I actually have a word. We'll just call it a word that takes me out of that state. Okay. Don't laugh when I tell you this, but it works for me and you come up with your

word. My word is bonsai bonsai. And what bonsai means is we're going, here we go jumping off the rocks, right? Here we go, walking down the side, bonsai. And what it does is it changes my state and it puts me in a state of, I'm going and I'm gonna take whatever comes with it. You may think, man, is that's hokey. Trust me, it's not. It shifts your state.

I actually smile when I say it, if you're watching the YouTube, right? But I have that word, bonsai. It's almost like I'm bombing my way into this thing and whatever happens, happens. And that word creates a state for me that's powerful, that I'll just, I'll use that word in that moment. And I, I'm not processing information. I may not get to 51. I may not have it all in place. Banzai, bam. And that word, I walk out on stage with it. I'll go into that meeting with it. For me, believe it or not,

you know where Banzai comes up? Here's my biggest fear. My biggest fear is not anymore walking out in front of 20,000 people, although it used to be. My biggest fear is like walking through a lobby of a hotel with a bunch of strangers in it. Walking into a restaurant where I know nobody, but I'm on the road and I want to get a meal. It's my biggest fears because I'm so introverted. I always think everyone's going to be looking at me. Everyone's wondering why I'm alone or isn't that crazy? But it's not because it's mine.

No more crazy than thinking the plane's going to crash. No more crazy than being afraid of the speech in my world. That's real. And so here's how I get myself to leave the hotel room. This is no joke bonsai. And I get out and I go and I'm still a little bit scared but I'm at least at 51% when I walk in and the more and more I do it, which by the way, for years I didn't, I got room service everywhere I went for about 20 years.

True story. True story. If I weren't going out with a group of people I knew, I wasn't going out. Ask anyone who knows me, ask anyone who's asked me to speak at an event, will you come to the dinner? I don't know anybody, it's hard to get me there. And so my biggest fear is walking in somewhere I don't know anyone, that people will be looking at me. And the more well-known I've become, the more that fear in my mind was justified. And so I have that trigger word now, bonsai. And the more I've done it, I've gone to 55. I'd say right now at about 65.

I'm certainly not at 95.5 or I'm not afraid of it anymore. But I just was on the road. I was just in, where was I? I was in Boise, Idaho. And I got out, by the way, I didn't get very far and someone on the street said, oh my gosh, there you are. And then I walked into the plate, but I sat there and actually had a good conversation with the bartender and ate my meal at the bar.

And I enjoyed it. And most people would take that very much for granted. Well, I'm gonna be honest with you. When I walked out of there, two hours later, I was proud of myself. You might think to yourself, what a crazy thing that you're afraid of. You're afraid to walk in a restaurant and eat alone?

Yeah, I was really proud of myself. And by the way, it's real to me. Don't let anybody tell you that's false evidence appearing real. It was real to me. You may say, but so you walk out in front of 20,000 people, that I'd be terrified of. I don't get this whole thing of walking into a restaurant. I get all that. All of this stuff is in our minds. All of it. Your fear of 20,000 people, my fear of walking in a restaurant, his fear on the airplane, Bella's fear of jumping off the rocks.

For another person, they're like, I get to jump off the rocks, this is awesome. It's all real to us. But you know what the most important part of that is? I'm proud of me for doing that. I'm proud of me. I'm 53 years old. I just started doing this this year, this year, and I've used all these strategies that I've listed

for you. I've done the breathing. I've written down how ridiculous it is. I've done the funny movie in my mind. I've taken it all the way to the end and looked at the boogeyman and it's not as bad. I've had a trigger word. I've got a trigger move, I've done everything I've listed for you here and those butterflies are still there, but I'm dancing with them. So that helps me. And so it's okay to have fear. Some of them are real. Some of them you just need to push through and the way we push through is we write them down. We take them to their conclusion. We put a highlight reel over them. We make fun of ourselves. We talk about them out loud with somebody. We take ourselves to a peaceful place. We reframe it. We put a highlight reel over them. We make fun of ourselves. We talk about them out loud with somebody. We take ourselves to a peaceful place. We reframe it. We re-trigger it with words or phrases or moves. There's a thing called exposure

therapy, everybody, which a therapist actually guides the client gradually and repeatedly through the source of their fear in a really safe environment. And it kind of helps strip away all the BS associated with it. All we want to do is strip this sucker down to where we can get to 51% excitement and then we can take action. We don't have to get it to zero. That's the fallacy of telling everybody, you can overcome all your fears. Fears are fake. Fears aren't real. False. It's not true. We just need to get to 51, not 100 to zero. And you can do that with the stuff that I've thrown at you today. Anyway, that's our challenge. All the great stuff in our life is on the other side of this thing we're calling fear. And when we get to that other side,

we've got a test that we've now turned into a testimony. We've got a story to tell people. We can inspire others. We've got a lesson, a gift, a friend, a relationship, money, whatever it is that comes on the other side of it, an insight, but our life is better on the other side of this thing. And so that's how you get to the other side, as many times as you can, as often as you can. It's the struggle of life. And we're struggling in this together, and that's why I'm here. Gave you some of my best stuff today to help you with this.

If any of it helped you, or you think it can help anybody else, please share it with anybody that you care about. I love you. God bless you. Max out your life.