The Edge Breakfast - ASK ME ANYTHING I'm in an open relationship!

Episode Date: March 22, 2026

This is a podcast from Rover. Me, anything. Good morning, Shelly. You're on the voice disguiser. Morning. Morning. We sound sheepish, but we were told there's nothing off limits. And we obviously don't want to pry to a point that makes you feel uncomfortable

because you are living a life romantically and sexually that not a lot of people have, I think, any insight in. Fair to say? Yeah, I think so. I'm very careful who I tell. Of course. Yeah, how many people do know that you and your husband is, actually, how do we describe it? Is it an open relationship?

Or do you play with other people only when you're together? Yep, only. So our main rule is that we always do it together because it's supposed to complement the relationship. So I figure once you start playing separately, that's when, yeah, people can go awry. Okay, so not open. What is that, yeah, what is that called?

Does it have a name or you haven't labelled it? No, we haven't enabled it. Okay, Shally, walk us through how this all started, because I'd imagine did you get together as a, you know, just a normal relationship, you were together? Put the notepad down, Dad. Yeah, how did it start? Okay, so we were both in previous marriages,

and we both separated, so we met quite a lot later in life in our late 40s. And I had gone from quite a restrictive marriage, And I didn't want that. And so one day I was in the early stages of a relationship. I told him how I wanted things to go. But I initially had thought I'd only ever want an open relationship. But I started to like really fall in love with this man. And so that's when I kind of changed a little bit.

But I was still very interested in where I'd never done it before. And so we found someone to play with. And strangely, it brought us closer together. Oh, wow. So each time that... Hold on, hold on, hold on. You found somebody. And everyone goes, yeah, how does that happen?

Put your notepad away, Clinton. Well, you know, actually this is... I don't know, we should admit this, but... So the first time we actually paid. Okay. Because I thought I'd feel more comfortable. Yeah. It's just a service.

Yeah. Yeah. So, because I thought... I would be able to handle it a little bit better knowing that she was just providing a service rather than emotional involved. And it just blew my mind with how exciting it was and watching my partner be pleased, I think, is one of the most special things for me. And same for him.

And we were both extremely surprised at how much that experience brought us together. So we were more eager to go off and try more. more. Is it always a girl that you get in, is the extra, or does it swap around? Do you sometimes have a guy as well, two men? No, it's generally a girl, but we're also couples. And couples. Wow, okay.

So you've gone four. That's got to be an interesting one to try and bring up over the dinner table when you invite friends around. There is an app out there for people in this sort of kind of relationship. and you get so you get to meet others and you can go and have drinks with them and see how you all connect and everything and then take it from there

and then always it's never no yeah it's always no obligation it's Kiwi swingers Kiwi swingers okay when it comes to Shirley when it comes to playing with other people is there anything that has been said that's off limits like that's only for you and your partner to do together

or is all moves everything goes with each other and this other person? Yeah, no, in the beginning we were like, these are the rules and no kissing, no, you know, all the normal things. But it's like, it's made us trust each other 100% and it's completely different. So when we're with other people, we are having just fun

whereas when we come home and it's just the two of us, we're really making love. So to me that there's a share. huge difference. And so nothing really is off limits otherwise it starts to get complicated and be it people are breaking rules and then you get annoyed and it creates like I can see that. So what's the difference to you between what is making love and what's just having fun? How do you know the difference and see if you watch him, how do you know that he's not making love to this other woman and he's just having fun? What's the, you know, vibe?

I don't. It's really hard to tell. I think it's just the feel like when we're to together, it is just out of this world. Does that make sense? Is there, Shelly, any repeat business, or do you have a rule that if you are having fun with a couple or a person, it's a one-time thing so you can't catch feels? Yeah, we've thought about that as well. Sometimes it can be repeat, but we do like to leave quite a lot of space. Like, it's not going to be every single week sort of thing.

Because I'd be horrified if he caught feelings. I know I couldn't possibly catch feelings because I'm just so in love with this man that it just doesn't even enter my brain. And I also think he's like the most gorgeous man on earth and I can't understand why everyone doesn't want a piece of it. It sounds like a lot of them do. Yeah, they do. It sounds like, or a piece of you.

How often, because you mention you don't do it that often with the same couple or same person, how often are you just partaking in swinging? Swinging. well that's it that's how and not to make it sound nasty or anything it is better for us

just to go off have fun one night with people and then kind of just leave and it was like it's like a one night stand right but how often are you doing that

like how often would you do it this week next week the week after or is there a couple of breaks in between a couple of weeks in between oh yeah no we can go months right we can go a long long long time without, and then sometimes we'll be just like, oh, I think it's time to find someone

else. There's a song that we play on The Edge by Somber, and he sings a line saying, I don't want to get naked in front of anyone new, meaning like when a breakup happens, and you start thinking about, oh, God, I've got to start like undressing in front of new people and studying all those awkward things. Do you ever find that when you're swinging or inviting somebody new, and are there any moments of being self-conscious getting naked in front of people, or was that at the beginning? and it doesn't matter now because that's the most intimate

intimate part I imagine when you're having you know sex with somebody new. I think as time has gone by you just don't care. And I don't know if it's an age thing or a maturity thing but everyone has flaws and you meet with clothes on if there's no attraction there whatsoever it doesn't go any further and if there is you don't care. Like honestly I read somewhere once that men do not actually see your body when they're making love to you.

They see you. And so, and that kind of made me feel a whole lot better. Like, they're into the experience. They don't care if you've got a bit of flab somewhere or some stretch marks. They're just into the experience. Explain to us, Shelley, the usual interaction. So say, for instance, you meet someone on this app. You match, you get chatting.

Then what happens on the night? I want to know. What is the most? move. Like, do you have a move that when he uses or you use, we go, well, this always works. And then break down the typical night. You meet up, then what? Okay, so, no, we will always meet first. Right. And I'm not comfortable meeting someone and then just going back to their room. So we meet first, and then we can step away and have a real good discussion about whether this will work for us.

and there's never if you message and say oh not for us guys and we've had that happen to us no hard feeling so the next time you meet you know something's going to happen so there's no awkward like how we're going to make a move or anything like what's the queue

it just happens you have drinks and you start playing games and it's just yeah it's just really fun and do you go to their house or would they come to you or do you meet in like a neutral location like a hotel or something? Anywhere.

Like, obviously somewhere private. It doesn't really matter. We have people coming to visit in Auckland and then they will have a hotel in the city or something. We can go back there. We have had, in the early days, we started to bring them here and we've decided no.

We don't want them in our bed. So, yeah, we do tend to play outside of the home. Fair enough, yeah. And what about, have you ever had a moment where one of you is attracted to the person and the other person isn't? Like, has it ever been a moment where they're like, yeah, it's on? Like your partner's like, yeah, let's go. This person's awesome. You're like, oh, no, not for me.

Absolutely. But it's usually me because my partner is like, he's all like, I think he's very open to pretty much anything. His philosophy is just have fun. So it's usually me. and he has never pushed even if he thought the lady was super hot He's got to be careful Because otherwise he could ruin

I guess what is a good thing for him Just lastly, Shelley fake name How many of your friends In your core circle know About what you've just shared with us? Okay, so two And one of them She calls me her guru

Because I've been like guiding them through and so they're married, they've been married for years and years. They've got two teenage daughters, and she said your relationship was just like they were friends. And with my help and information, they have started to test the waters, and she said it's like they're back to being teenagers,

that they've fallen so much in love, and everything, and she says always like, you've got to tell people, you have to tell people. You're going to start classes or something. Shelly the guru. Go see the guru I mean being the guru One more last question

Shelley What would you suggest To a couple that are wanting to maybe explore swinging And I've never done it before What's the first move Honestly I thought I think

And I know that it's got a whole lot of stigma around it But I think pain for the service Because it takes away The whole thought That there could be something now. Yes. Yeah, the person that's being paid isn't going to run off with your man. Yeah.

Well, that's what Lily Allen wanted to do with her husband. He said he wanted an open relationship and she said, okay, as long as it's paid and it's like a service. And then he started just seeing the person, so that didn't work out. Okay. But that's the best intentions. Well, Shelley, thank you for being so candid with us about your lifestyle. Because like I said before, it's a very unique one and probably shocking for a lot of people.

But each of their own and we're all different. makes the world interesting. Yeah, I think the biggest surprise out of this lifestyle is how every experience just brings us closer and closer together. Yeah. Have you ever put the keys in the bowl? I don't think that's a thing. No, if I'm not on me yet.

That would be funny. I don't like this a lot of fun. There's an idea for a party one night. Just an extra step that Shelley doesn't need. Thanks, Shale. You have a great rest of your day or nights, depending on what you've got organised. Cool, thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.