The Edge Breakfast - ONLY FANS Clean Ya Pipes

Episode Date: March 26, 2025

This is a podcast from Rover. Dumb chat. Bad decisions. Zero shame. If that sounds like your vibe, you're in the right place. This is Clint, Megan, Dan's OnlyFans. Podcast, that is. Welcome to the OnlyFans, everybody.

Jolder, welcome. Dan said something really inappropriate earlier, but I didn't have my bloody mics on. What did I say? Do you think they wash the pipe that they use for colonoscopies after each patient? I've never had one. My mum had one recently. I thought, well, I probably shouldn't be saying that.

I have one. Maybe don't. I can talk about mine, it's all right. Is it bad to have one? She's not going for the feeling, is she? I don't think you don't want your medical stuff going on public. But isn't it a thing that you should... No, no, you're thinking of a colon cleanse.

You can just go and get a colon cleanse. Anybody can. But a colonoscopy has to be ordered by your doctor. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've always been intrigued by it. You've had both.

You've had the one that goes down the throat. So let me... Why did you have to cleanse your colon? Did your fart stink? No, Clinton. It's because I was bulimic and I hadn't gone to the bathroom in a very long time and I thought it would help me lose weight, even more weight.

Oh, my God. Yeah, so that is why I'm probably going to take that. How can I get rid of more? Yeah, it's very unwell, young lady. But why would they give you one then? Because you can just have one. Because you're just paying for it like a massage. Yeah, yeah, it's like you do that.

Yeah, it was very unwell back in the day. Okay, so then what does that entail? So you lie on a table. You pull your pants down on your side. You lie on your side. You insert a little tube into your bum. Right. And the one that I went to had a lovely, clear panel in front of me,

and I watched the little bits. But is it pushing water in or sucking? What is it doing? So she pushes water in, so she puts water in and she goes, now let me, and she had a very soft voice. A bit like Marion from Captain Kim. It's like it fills you up. A bit like Marion from Captain Kim. So what you do is just tell me when the pressure feels so strong

that you need, you have to go. And I was like, okay. And she'd be putting it in, making some more talk. She's like, never eat a banana. Bananas are terrible for your colon. And I was like, okay. And I was like, ooh, it's definitely. Ooh, I've heard they're good.

I've heard they're good for everything else. No, according to this lady. And I was like, ooh, bloody hell. It's a lot of pressure. And then you kind of get to the point, you're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And they go, release. And then it's like, oh.

Wait, hold on. They're still filling with water. Don't they have to change pipes? No, no, it just goes back out. So then it takes the water with it. Oh, they just stop the water. But it takes, with the water coming out, it takes bits of feces from it. And also, sometimes she'd tap and they'd go, look at that.

That's fart. And you see a bubble come through the water. She goes, does that feel better? She goes, oh, that must feel better. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. Wait, so you're watching your shit go through a clear pipe while she's watching it as well. And then she'd like somebody tapping on my tummy or like trying to move my feces along. And that's why I'm good at doing, you know, bowel massages because I learned from her. It'd be like going through, like looking back in time at all your previous meals going past you.

There goes my curry from last week. Oh, that must feel better. Does that feel better? I was like, yeah, just that big fart that one oh God get out what are you doing here looking at all my poos get out

I don't need a fucking commentator lady yeah yeah exactly old debris there I can see that I can see it's old debris it's all past me

and one of the largest pieces I've actually seen in my career oh jeez I might actually would you mind if I just got a quick pic of that and then we do like

three or four times and then she goes now no, I'm going to need to go to the bathroom. And in the bathroom, I swear to God, there were about 17 warning signs. And I was like, what's about to happen? She was like, gave me a warning first. And she was like, no, just, it's going to be quite intense. And there was

signs all in this bathroom. I was in this small toilet. But you don't feel like you need to go again? No, I think I felt the kind of need that I needed to go. And then I sat down, and my God, it's like I lifted off. I had to hold the walls to stay seated. I swear to God, I had to hold the walls. So that scene in Dumb and Dumber

hides. That person, whoever did that scene, Colin Cleans, and I had to like stand in myself. And it was like crazy. I reckon one of us should do it for the show? You would have to be

so scared of doing a fart. Oh, I mean, once it was out, I was like, wow, amazing times. Do you feel,

do you feel better for it? I did. Why do people do it? I genuinely did feel better for it and I was very backed up because the thing is, I was unwell. I don't recommend it,

obviously, for the way that I did it. It didn't do anything. It doesn't make you lose weight. It doesn't. It just, I don't recommend it, obviously, for the way that I did it. It didn't do anything. It doesn't make you lose weight. It doesn't. It just, I hadn't gone and I needed to get the debris out in her words, and I got better

after that. I always think it's just not a natural thing. I don't think whoever made the human body intended for it to have some sort of liquid squirted up it. It's quite a fascinating experience. Where do they do it? I've never even seen a store advertise that they do it.

It's called colonoscopy. Yeah. But I asked you about a colonoscopy, Meg, which is not that. You do realise that, right? No, no, no. That was a colon cleanse. I've also done a colonoscopy where I got put under. And I don't remember anything.

I got put under. I'm in a little bed and they're like, oh, maybe we're going to go under now. And I don't remember anything. I got put under. I'm in a little bed. And they're like, oh, maybe we're going to go under now. And the next thing I know, I'm eating a sandwich. I'm sort of gone. Wait till you woke up and you're like halfway through an egg sandwich. No, no. We don't look quite over.

But I wake up. I'm like, oh, bloody hell. What's going on? And the nurse is like, would you like a sandwich? I was like, egg, please. And then. Oh, jeez. That's what put you in this position in the first place.

And then the doctor said, and then I sat down, I waited. It was charming. I got like a little snack meal and you just sit there. And then the doctor came and saw me. And luckily, because I had like nice clear results, none of it was stressful. And he goes, one of the cleanest colons I've ever seen. You were like, yeah, because I get mine done quite regularly. I've just come straight from the other place.

I've got photos of it. What, the poo walking in there? Oh, no, no, the inner of my colon with nothing in there. I think you've showed me. Yeah. I've seen the inside of it. How much does it cost to get a colon cleanse? Colon cleanse?

I don't remember. I did it when I was 19. Where do they do it? I've never seen anyone advertise. There's heaps of places. There's a place just down the road from my new house. Could even be a different experience. What do they call it then?

I've never seen. Colon cleanse. Colon cleanse. I don't think that some places. Could even be a different experience. What do they call it then? I've never seen. Colon cleanse. Colon cleanse. I don't think that some places. 59 bucks. I think some places just do it as an option. Like there's a lot of like health places that just do it. You can.

Oh, colonic irrigation. That's what you might have seen. That's what it's called. Officially. There's coloncenter.co.nz in Morningside. That's right by you, Clinton. Hmm. Oh, he's keen.

I reckon you should do it. Imagine if I did it and then I couldn't do Guess the Fart anymore. It's like I couldn't just fart on cue. Oh, my God. This is what it looks like. If I lose my superpower. This is what it looks like. I'm showing you a photo here.

So this is the thing, but they open the doors and you can see the poop. Oh, going up and down. And then this is the chair you sit in. You just legs. Oh, that looks comfy. Jesus, she's looking right up it. Is she? Hi. Oh, no. There's some young boys. Jesus, she's looking right up it. Is she? Why?

Oh, no, there's some young boys from a school or whatever looking through the glass. Little do they know Mick's talking about these pipes that her shit goes through. There's the toilet that gets absolutely destroyed afterwards. So talk me through it. Oh, the toilet's in the same room. Do they leave? Not for me. I had to.

They leave when you do the. I could never. I'm just going to let you. I could never do it. So I walk into the room. What does she say? Take your pants off. Take your pants off.

You get comfortable. You take your bottom half off. You get a little sheet on top. And it looks like this chair has a hole right where your bum is. And that's where the tube goes in. And she puts that in? I think, well, I remember my one. I think kind of like she helped me.

Like we kind of did it together. I'd be like, just leave me to it. And if I'm more than five minutes, you can give me a hand. She's like, is it in? I'm like, oh, you're poking my other, no ah yep it's in now. Here we go boys, there's a little video that you can see. No I don't want to see that. I'll have a look.

Okay I'm just getting to the good bit I think where they show the run and stuff. Dan's watched far worse things online. There you go. I definitely haven't. I'm squeamish. Nice, looks lovely. Oh that's just the photo of the seat. Yeah none of it going in someone's wreckick and dand. They wouldn't put that on their website.

What is it? I've seen child birthing on, like, in, like, some really... Which is beautiful. It shouldn't be seen as disgusting. Well, I know it isn't, but some people, it's quite a confronting thing to see when you're scrolling through Instagram. I think it's beautiful if it's your kid. Oh, God, yes.

$160. $160. What, to watch you give birth? Yeah, no, yes. $160. $160. To watch you give birth? No, for colon cleanse. Exactly. $160. What if I pay for Dan and I? Is there a discount for two?

I know. Producer Carl's got his hand up. He wants it. I got a question for Meg. What's the difference between a colonic cleanse and the anal douching you can do before? Well, it's very similar, but a very small amount of water compared to what you get in.

You get liters put in you. Oh, my God. It just doesn't seem. I've heard you can do it with like coffee. You can get like a coffee enema kind of cleanse as well. I think so too. Yeah, actually, in fact, they sell it. Give you some caffeine.

It says colon care center. This is on their billboard. What do you think the slogan is? I'd love to. Oh, is it funny? Well, it's not funny, but this is the... What is the slogan? Big on the billboard.

Shit happens? No. We're full of shit? God, you guys, come on. No, it's look younger and feel great by bowel cleansing. That's never happening. No one's gone into a bowel cleanse and come out looking younger. Clint's suddenly interested

Fucking hell Honestly Some of the things they say Are laid to look younger Is silly I'm gonna google Does bowel cleansing Make you look younger

Bowel He's seriously thinking about it Look he's got a thinking face I know He's thinking of booking something And it's hard to tell Because of the Botox as well Have you come to work tomorrow Saying you had a And like, Clint, you look younger, and you'd be

like, yeah, I had a pipe shoved up my ass. I'm thinking of a better slogan for them. Although hormones and genetics play a part in skin health, many people can have a youthful looking skin by cleaning their colon on the regular. No. Don't do it. A clean gut can help to clear skin. Don't do it.

Because you're getting rid of all the toxins, I guess, that are sitting in your body. Well, it's just old, yeah, old feces that's sitting there for months. You know how the show loves competitions. We could all do, the three of us do it and see who's most full of shit. Who's the most full of shit?

Oh, God, that sounds so funny. Dan comes first. That would be so funny. It's so disgusting. I know. It's so much awful. It's disgusting. I know, we even talked one time.

I can't even remember why. I think there was like some fertility clinic that wanted to do some promo or whatever on here. And we were going to try and find out who had the fastest or the most swimmers. There was some reason why we were asked, would we be open to getting our sperm count tested? And I'm like, well, mine's, I've had a vasectomy. So there is none.

So it would be between Carl and I. Yeah, I've got no swimmers. God, I hope not. Imagine if I did a test and they're like, oh, you've got a few. I'd be like, you what? Without even seeing the test, Carl would have more. More what? Swimmers. Do you reckon? Oh, God, yes. Why do you say that? I'm not a sexual guy.

No, but it comes down, I think, to your age and a few other things and how healthy you are In regards to how fast We're the same age Aren't we I think Yeah same age I drink a lot of wine though I feel like Carl has got like

Insane energy And I feel like the sperm Just would have the same DNA Yeah You know energy of that Yeah Yeah real egg penetrators Those ones

You'd have big sperm though Dan Oh they'd be big Long sperm Oh like Like They're massive but fucking lazy. They're just like, oh, Wesley. They're just like, clomping along.

There's a lot of them, but they don't move very quickly. No, they're not lazy. Fuck, is it not me? Fuck that. They're just like... They're just big. Why am I... Why are they big?

No, they just feel like they're big, happy sperms. Are they? Have you seen that sperm meme that was going around, or maybe just wasn't going around, I just saw it, where there's a whole lot of sperm and they've got little faces, and they're standing there, one's holding a map, and one of them goes, that doesn't look like the egg, and the other one goes, yeah, the map says we're nowhere near it.

And it's like tonsils that are inside the mouth. And it's just the tonsil hanging from the roof. That's disgusting. That's disgusting, Clint. Oh, I cracked up. I was like, and you have that moment. Shitter story, forward to friends. Forward to friends.

No, you didn't forward it to us, me. Yeah, oh, you've got different sets of mouths for different kinds of memes. You just said that's disgusting, so that's why I already know. Meg and us, Meg. Yeah, oh, you've got different sets of worlds for different kinds of memes. You just said that's disgusting, so that's why I already know. Meg and Dan, no. Carl, yes. But Carl got it.

Yeah, he got it. Yeah, I did. Oh, that's fucking awful. Clint and I seem to know real crock shit. My goodness. Anyway, oh well. It was funny how you have, like, about three or four different groups of friends

and you know, like, their level their level of like funny and going, oh, bro, that's not funny. And you're like, oh, really? Because I thought it was funny. Yeah. Obviously, you're a little more prudish than me or whatever. Yeah, it's like and then like cat stuff I send to Dan and Brooke Gibson and a couple of other mates and Bella.

And then like Sabrina Carpenter stuff I just send to me. Thank you. Have you seen Cat Bowling? I think I sent that to you, Dan, and Meg might have just got a cat too. I always know when they're meant for me or Dan, yeah. Yeah, it's like the guy has wooden floors down his hall and he's set up little plastic kids bowling pins and then he's got one of those little like laser, little red laser things

and he puts it down on the floor and the cat's like, where the fuck is it? And then he like runs the laser down the wall and the cat chases and he puts it straight into the temper and the cat goes and fucking knocks them all over. No, I didn't like that. You shouldn't use lasers with cats. It overstimulates them and it gives them no reward.

Oh, that doesn't sound like you're using your cat for fun things. Because they can never catch that poor laser pointer, can they? You need to give them something that they have an end goal with. And a laser, unfortunately, they're just barking up or meowing up the wrong tree. Yeah, it's just sad. Oh, well, won't be sending you any more cat videos. Yeah, I would have preferred that tonsil thing. Good to know.

Oh, you've asked for it now. I'm going to start sending you the same things I sent Carl. Why was it in the mouth? What? Megan? He's a stupid boy You can explain to him Oh, all three of you are pathetic

Okay Got it really wrong, didn't they? Hey, just on TV shows at the moment We sort of missed Watch Watch on Wednesday I was going to say Is anyone else still hanging in there with White Lotus? I think I'm five episodes in, and now I'm like, fucking hurry up. I love the first two seasons, but for whatever reason, and I don't know if it's just like life at the moment,

like a lot of stress at the moment in my life because we've been moving house and all that stuff. I just couldn't get into it, and I stopped after three eps. That's how I felt about season two, funnily enough, but yeah, you guys, that's all amazing. So you thought season three was better?

No, I've dropped off that too. All I do is play PlayStation. I want to watch Adolescent, but I don't want to start it until I've finished White Lotus because I don't want too many shows open at the same time and then I just don't finish it.

I keep meaning to fucking finish it, but I keep getting stuck in playing PlayStation. If you like any sort of drama or crime drama, and I can't talk about the whole season, because like Meg, I haven't seen the end, but Far Out, it is brilliant. The first ep hooks you in straight away.

I've heard amazing things about the kid, and I hope he has one of those careers that goes on to have a really great career, because at the moment, every child star you can remember sort of crashes and burns before they get to their mid-20s or 30s. The dad, the whole cast, the acting is phenomenal. Clara, don't give us a spoiler.

But is it good? Is it worth getting to the end? Oh, what? Adelaide Sims. Huh? Can't hear you Where have you gone? What are you doing?

Is that still working? Can you hear me? Oh White Lotus Is it worth it? Is the third season worth it? I thought you Have you seen Adolescents Or White Lotus?

I can't hear anything She's pretty but she's Hey sorry Can you hear us now? I can hear you guys now. Have you watched all of Adolescence or all of White Lotus? Yes. Both?

Both of them. Are they both worth pushing to the end? Absolutely. There we go. Even White Lotus? Because I'm at five eps and I'm like, hurry up. Season one and two, so worth it. Season three, yeah, a bit dusty, but I think they're building up for the final last two

episodes to be like the big... Oh, but you don't know yet? No, we don't know. But I'm going to say yes, it's worth it. Here's the thing with TV seasons now. I think, grab me from the start. I'm sorry, but there's so much choice out there now and there's so much, like if you tell me,

oh, but it gets better after like four episodes, fuck off, then no. I do not have the time to invest four shitty episodes to get to one good episode. And people will go, oh, character development. You can still develop characters throughout the drama. And it'd be entertaining. Yeah. I hate that how it's just this long thing leading up to.

You're right. We've got too much choice now, Dan. There's so much choice. You could get away with it a few years ago when it was television and straight to DVD. DVD. But now there's just so much choice you can't. You've got to grab me within two episodes. Maybe that's just me. Yeah, I'm kind of like that as well.

The problem is I have to keep going because then otherwise if I do what you did, Dan, and stop after two or three episodes, I'm like, that was wasted time. But if I keep going, then it wasn't wasted. The problem is if a season actually sucks I've kind of I'm like the the gambler

at the roulette table who's like I'm just gonna win my money back I'm just gonna win and maybe at the end I do or I don't and I've just gone and thrown ten times as much time

at this like I did with maths I just stopped halfway through and then I'm like man what a waste of time I could have had all that time back because I didn't finish it adolescence

that's a show that grabs you from the start in the first three minutes you're like fuck I'm watching, man, what a waste of time. I could have had all that time back because I didn't finish it. Adolescence, that's a show that grabs you from the start. In the first three minutes, you're like, fuck, I'm watching this to the end. Isn't it only four eps or six eps or something? Yeah, I think it's a very limited season. It's actually, I read somewhere that it is either tracking to be or is the most successful season, limited season, on Netflix of all time. Wouldn't surprise me. So a limited season must be like under five eps or something like that

because I know Squid Game and others are obviously a lot more successful but is the most successful limited series. The other one that grabbed me straight from the start was Baby Reindeer a couple of years ago. That was another one that was just you were like, this is so different. And it just grabs you from the start.

I thought he was very brave is one word, but I almost feel like bold is maybe more so of like, it was so jarring how it was so his own diary to the whole world. And he played himself. The things that he admitted. Yeah, it's not like you got to write and kind of hide behind. It's your face. I thought that was insane.

Wow. Yeah. I thought we were honest. You were like, there are some scenes where you're like, is that artistic license or is that actually what happened? Because that's an interesting thing to tell the world. Even telling your close friends that would be like real. Well, the real Martha, she says it's not real

so who do you believe? Because he could technically just be lying. Yeah. I'm not saying he is but But I mean even the scenes that didn't involve Martha just the scenes that involved him

and that guy True. and Baby Rain Down I'm like I mean if that didn't happen why would you why would you want people to think it did?

True. It's great. Very well acted. He was a great actor that guy. Yeah. Richard Gad I think is his name. Yeah that is his name. I wonder what he's going to do now then. I think he did. True. It's great. Very well acted. He was a great actor, that guy. Yeah. Richard Gad, I think is his name. Yeah, that is his name. I wonder what he's going to do now then.

I think he was working on, last I heard, he was working on another thing. Baby Reindeer 2? Yeah. And now it's not believable. Yeah, hold on, mate. Yeah.

They say write about what you know, though, and obviously he knows his own life. I wouldn't want to watch Meg's limited series. Oh, why? Just her cleaning her ass out and doing her colon cleanses. That's all you've ever done, apparently. Meg's cleaned her ass out. That'd be a fucking shame. Well, Meg's had pipes up her

ass 200% more than I have. Well, I went a few times, actually, Clint. How many? Maybe two or three times I got a colon cleanse and I've had one colonoscopy. So you enjoyed it. I've had it 400 times more. Well, I guess if I'd had it one two or three times I got a colon cleanse and I've had one colonoscopy. So you enjoyed it. I've had 400 times more. Wow.

Maybe three times four. That actually, the math isn't mathing because I need to go once for it to be 400 more times because I've never been. But you know what I mean. Yeah. I don't really, when it comes to maths, I can be quite loose with Meg.

Yeah. Yeah, because I don't know if you're right or wrong. Yeah. Fuck. Producer Carl? I came up with a cool, um, I thought of a cool slogan for a colonoscopy business. We're number one in the number two business.

Shit, that's good. Number one in number twos. Yeah. Number one in the number twos. Bloody hell, Carl, that's good stuff. It'd also work if you were number two in the number twos. Like, you're still top three. You know? Number two in the number twos. Like, you're still top three, you know? Number two in the number twos. Obviously, we're not the biggest, but, you know, we'll take it.

Yeah. There's something along... There's something that's probably not as clever. Our shit is your... Your shit is our shit? No. You'll be surprised how good we are. You'll shit yourself.

Guaranteed. Ooh, yourself. Guaranteed. Ooh, guaranteed. Guaranteed. If you don't shit yourself, your money back. You'll be so surprised at how well we work, you'll shit yourself.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, something like that. Anyway, if you are listening to this podcast and you happen to work in that industry and you need a new slogan,

you can have those. Yeah. Welcome to them. Yeah, good on you. All right. Do you know how niche it would be if somebody was like Holy crap, I am just about to open a colon cleanse company Thank you so much

Thank you, that is very helpful And I'm still not completely vetoing Or against the idea of finding out who's the most full of shit on the show Can I veto it though? I mean if that's I mean everyone gets a veto Dan I think used his a couple weeks Can I veto it though? I mean if that's I mean everyone gets a veto. Dan I think used his

a couple weeks back. What was it for? Can we talk about I can't remember what it is so I'm not trying to stitch it up. Dan goes nah I'm not doing that veto

and I was like oh you only get one a year and you've used yours in March. What was that? I can't even remember what it was. I feel like it was

probably not worth it. Who dares Dan and we were going to get him to do something and he was like not worth Who dares Dan And we were going to get him to do What was that It's so annoying Something And he was like

Not fucking doing that Fuck And you were like Nah That's where I draw the line And we were like Okay That's your veto

Was it Wasn't the bull dragging thing We were going to drag him behind a horse Around the paddock No that sounds a bit shit But I don't know If that would be Dan's veto Oh my god

You might not even know No Probably just as well but I don't know if that would be Dan's veto. Oh, my God. You might not even know. No. Probably just as well. No, I can't remember. It's going to come to me probably randomly at the gym on the bike or something. I do remember it. I'll write it down, and we'll bring it to the podcast tomorrow if we remember Dan's veto.

Meg's veto is a competition to see who's the most full of shit. I'm in for that one. I'm not wasting my veto on that. You want to do it? No way. No way. You guys can think of way worse shit Was it like a tattoo? I feel like it was something tattooed And I vetoed it

Yes it was something along the lines of You asked if I would get Liam Lawson's face tattooed on me No we didn't We didn't ask that It was we were talking about it, just joking. No, you weren't like seriously joking. And I said, no, I veto that if it ever happens.

Casey came in and found out how big of a fan Dan was. And then I think asked, would he do that? Yeah. Was that the veto? I do remember that conversation. I just didn't know if that was the veto. Yeah, that was one of them anyway. Like a full back tattoo of his face with his thumb up.

I've already got one tattoo and that's enough. Was it the belly button piercing? Belly button! Was that it? Was Dad even here that day? Dad, was it? I remember we were talking about someone, some dude. Was it a dude got a belly button?

It was my ex-boyfriend. Well, very, very late. If I did veto that, it's not because I didn't want a belly button piercing. I just think it's boring. Oh, really? Someone gets a belly button piercing, woohoo. Yeah, but I mean, a dude getting a belly button piercing. I just think it's, like, boring. Oh, really? Someone gets a belly button piercing. Woo-hoo. Yeah, but I mean, a dude getting a belly button piercing for summer.

You're not putting that in the daily trailer, are you? Tomorrow, Dan gets a belly button piercing. Oh, don't put it past us. I think we definitely would. Nah. Can we save that audio of Dan saying that? And what's the other thing we have to do tomorrow, Dan? And then just clip that out of context.

Dan going, dang, it's a belly button piercing. Weird that I'm talking in the third person. I know it is, but whatever. You're a weird dude. Okay, guys, we'll see you tomorrow. Love you. Bye. Clint, Meg and Dan.

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