The Edge Breakfast - ONLY FANS dans watching in the corner again

Episode Date: August 21, 2025

This is a podcast from Rover. Welcome to the podcast. That should have been cancelled before it even started. This is Clint Big and Dan's OnlyFans. Podcast, that is. Welcome to The Only Fans with myself, Clint, Dan Webby and Ash London. Yes, all this drama. There's drama in London.

Yeah, London. The London-Briand household, you mean, as opposed to the capital city. So what's happened? So talk us through your beard debacle. I've got guests. It's coming and we need a bed because we've just moved house and we don't have a second bed

and look, beds are expensive. What's in the other bedroom now? It's empty. It's just an empty road. I thought this house was a mention that you've made. It's five bedrooms. But there's only three of you. Well, we only have a child, one child,

he's got a bed and we've got a bed. But then what are in the other two bid or three bedrooms? One's empty. Once we've turned into a playroom. One's just empty and one we're using as a home office for me. So there's no other beds. No. So we needed a bed for Adrian's parents.

Five bedroom house and we're only using two of them. Dan goes, what are you doing with the other two? Honestly. Oh, but I was thinking that one of them's an office. Yeah, it was just crazy. Oh, my purse off. So we, you know when you have to buy something expensive and committing to the money is too hard?

So he put it off and put it off and put it off. So I put it off and put it off. And then got to the day where we need the bed because the in-laws are coming. So I, there were Ecos. I had a 40% off there, which I missed because I couldn't part with the money. I know. So I ended up just getting 20% off.

It is still good. But it's $1,500, which is cheap for bed, but really, there's still a lot of money. So I parted with the money for same-day delivery, you know, and I'm supposed to come, and it never came, and no one was getting back to me, and, you know, it was not okay. If you're going to say same-day delivery, deliver it, and reply to my emails. My argument would then be when did you order? Was it in the morning? It doesn't matter when I ordered it, because before I checked, no, listen,

before I checked out, it said choose your delivery slot, and I chose today 6 to 9 p.m. Before I paid. If it said delivery within a day, within a day could be like within 24 hours. But same day is the same day. Same day delivery. And also it gave me a very specific three-hour slot. I heard nothing, heard nothing, heard nothing. I got to customer service at like 5pm.

They didn't reply to me. Got on to them again at 6 p.m. They didn't reply. They finally got on to me at 8.30 p.m. And I'm like, where am I, you know, I need this bed. So anyway, it never came and no one replied to me. Finally got on them today. And I've offered me $50.

I said, no. Well, hold on, why don't you... As a make-good. As a make-good. Why don't you get 300 offer, and the argument being that they had a 40% off sale that you missed, so you only got 20, if you're going to give, they can correct this by giving you the price that they were going to, they were giving everyone last weekend. I would take that, but they offered me a $50 reduction.

I said, no, then they said, we'll give you a pillow. And I said, it's not good enough. I've got to go back to work. I'll pick this up with you later. I love how they tried to bat or like 50 bucks, and she was like, no, they'll be like, another pillow. I wonder whether they'll offer you like three or four pillows. I think I'd take four pillows. Would you?

What's the alternative though? They just turn and go, okay, we'll just refund do. No, I still get the bed, but, you know, I won't be happy about it. No, but you don't have the bed, right? They're going to deliver the bed tonight. And my argument was, well, the guests had to sleep on the floor for one night. They didn't, though, did they? They might be listening.

That's irrelevant. It's irrelevant. One of them passed away. From sleeping on the floor. They suffocated on our shag, bulg, pall rug. No, but I guess they could turn around because you don't have the bed

you can go, oh, well, if you're not happy with the discount, well then we'll just credit you back the money, you can buy it somewhere else. Well, they're not going to do that. They're going to want to make a sale still. What you need to do is you need to play, next time you get in touch with them, you need to play fucking hard ball.

I was playing hardball on the phone before when I said no to the pillow. You're not Ash London anymore. You're Karen London. Okay. The ball doesn't get any harder than the ball that Ash currently has. Let's role play this right now, okay?

Hello, we coaths, the New Zealand, Daniel, Daniel. Hi, Daniel, it's ash here. My order number is Bibi, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, I was supposed to have it. I'll explain the whole situation. Look, my guests have slept on the floor for one night. The only reason I purchased the bed from the company is because you promised same-day delivery, which you didn't follow three. Sorry, what was your number again?

And I spoke to a gentleman today after no one replied to me last night as I waited up all night for the delivery of the bed, and I was offered $50. Sorry, can I just ask you to calm down, please? I'm calm, unfortunately. I'm very calm. No, no, you're actually yelling down. I'm just going to get straight to the point.

I'm going to need $300 off the price of my bed, please. Right. Well, shouldn't be a big deal because they were offering that. There was a 40% of sale. Sorry, who's this guy. That's, he's just my emotional support for the person. So what you're asking is you've, you want $300 off a bed that you paid 20% less for anyway. Yeah, but there was a 40% off sale, which I missed.

So really, I know that the, overheads can handle a 40% discount on the bed. How would you feel about a free pillow? No, the pillows are worth $100 and they're currently on south for $90. Also, she's already being offered that. And I have six pillows. I mean, I don't want to add to landfill in the world. I don't need more pillows.

I need a bed delivered yesterday. Here's another offer. Two pillows and we call it quits. No, two pillars, unfortunately, isn't going to do it. Thank you so much for that offer. Okay, final offer. Yes. Three pillows, and I get Deborah from accounts to quief on one of them.

done can she please film it and also send me the video how are you going to get proof that jim's done that how do we know debby's done it exactly i need a video you'll be able to know you'll be able to know a smellergram Debbie classic Debbie we've only done this ever once and we want you to do it one more time

Karen London's cool this is on the radio this is the conversation that took place where seconds before we started recording OnlyFans and we were already the bed stuff was just going on the back end someone was like talking about something about nuts and Dan was like put these nuts in your mouth

and then we're like what and he goes oh I've got an idea for Onlyfans and then I'm like yes you then you said you had an idea Oh no it was would you rather That was I've got a Oh so nuts in your mouth brought up Would you rather in your head

No no because I don't know why that brought it up But I just opened a little thing. It's the 10 best Would You Rather questions of all time, apparently, according to this webpage. Give me one. I take him too seriously. Here's one. Would you rather have telekinesis,

which is the ability to move things with your mind? Or telepathy, the ability to read minds. That's an easy one for me. I don't want to read minds because that's going to make life howling. I reckon if you can turn it on and off, 100%. Imagine how good that would be for an agreement. I just think it's unnatural and it would make me uncomfortable because sometimes people think things about you that you never need to know it

because you'll never get over it. There could be this trick, right? And you want to know what she's thinking because then you can start doing certain things where she's like, oh my God, it's like he's in my head. He's incredible. She might be like, fuck, oh my God, Dan is so good looking. If not for his abnormally short neck. Like things like that.

I can't fix that. I know, exactly. I can't get a big extension, but now you know. Like so often you really like someone, but you still think something shitty about them. Yeah. But you still like them. And now you think these people don't like you, but you're right. We all have awful thoughts or say things that we would, sorry, think things we'd never say.

And we bitch about people to our friends, but like, not a horrible way, just in an exasperated way. It doesn't mean we like our friends any less. Honestly, the anxiety you would have whenever you left a workplace or anything, knowing what everyone truly thought about you. Nightmare. What's the thing, one thing that annoys us, annoys you about both of us? I don't want you to answer to me. The Ash is too talented. Fuck off.

What a cop-out, wanky answer. And the one thing I don't like about you is that you looked too mussely in that blackburns. Why don't you guys just fuck or even? Jealousy for Dan, actually. Yeah, this is jealousy. I want to sit in the corner as usual. I like a lot about you. I think you are...

But I wasn't asking for this. Fine, I won't complain. No, because then you have to give me the bad. And I don't want to know what... Oh, no. Honestly, I don't have bad things about you. You get stuck on things, Clint, and you can't let it go, but it means that the product, the radio product's always better.

So there's a good thing. At the expense of the annoyingness that is. It's just you switch off. Like, me, we're having a discussion. And if it is an unknown comes up, like something that needs googling, me and Dan will continue talking and be interesting, and you will just totally switch off and just like, you're like, guys, I need this beer in about five.

I'm literally fighting with myself going, Clint, it honestly doesn't matter. Like, honestly, it would be better to just stay in the convoy. And I'm like, oh, my other part's going, might add to it like it could come back it'll be a full circle and then what happens is in the odd moment where the fixation on the thing actually benefited the conversation and the experience that reminds me that but what about that last time it's a superpower honestly it's never it's always come good we lose you for a minute but the result is always a good thing I guess that's a benefit of a three person show I'm like well you guys have a combo well I go fine it was just two

of us and I was talking at you and you were just staring at the computer well I told no Bueno. Okay. Here's your next one. This is a really good one actually. I've just written this myself because I've been inspired by a shit one. Would you rather be really happily in love but extremely poor? The other option.

Or in a head end relationship where there's no love but you're staying together for the kids but very, very wealthy. Very wealthy. Really? Because there's so many other things in my life that I love people that I love. I find so much depth in life. I think

You don't have to be in the relationship, though, right? Eventually, you just take the money and find something. No, you're staying in the relationship for the kids. So it's a loveless relationship, but you're very wealthy. You'd stay rich for the kids because the kids are still in your life. If there were no kids involved. Well, that's not the question, though, Clint. Answer the question.

No, but I just said with the kids, then I take the money and stay with the kids. Really? I can still treat them to an incredible lifestyle. We do everything for our kids. I don't want my kids to be poor. I grew up poor. It sucked. If I'm poor, I can do it.

love with your, like, it's a happy household because you're in love and you've got love. So do you think your kids would rather, like, have food on the table, like, holidays, not have the stress of finance? The best thing you can give a kid is a happy, love, loving family. Yeah. But you can still love your children. Like, I still love my children. I just don't love my husband. I think that's fine.

Yeah, you're always depressed. Yeah, you're right. You still, like, love your kids and you have so much money to, like, show them, give them all the things that you want to give your kids in life. And you can still love your children. If there aren't kids involved, then I'd rather be in love with no money. Okay? But very, they surprise me for me both. Really?

I think I'm just older and like a bit more, what's the word, realistic? Or what's the word, like, um, logical, you know what I mean? The bed company have written back. Oh, my God, here they go. What have they said? Apologies if what I offered did not meet your expectation to compensate for what happened on your order. There's nothing bad, dearie. Feel free to reach back to us on your floor.

free time by sending your message us here. We're always here to assist you. What do your thoughts on queefs? We've spoken to Divi. She's not keen on the thing that your friend talked about. I feel so for the poor person who's working in customer services. It's not his fault. And I told him and said, you have done a fantastic job.

Thank you so much. But this isn't your problem to fix. So I will escalate it. I did say that when I hung up because, you know, he needs to round this out in his system. He can't leave it open. Yeah. Hence the pillow offer. Okay.

What else? Next one. Would you rather lose your sight? Nah. Anything else? Or your memories. Oh, sight. No.

I think memories. Because the thing is with memories, there's two... There's more to make. Yes, and it's a two-prong thing, because sometimes you have quite bad memories. So there's a nice luxury of losing those. There's a caveat here. The question is, can you retain new memories?

Yes. Or when you say lose your memory, you mean that... No matter what happens. Like 50 first dates. I'm going to forget it at the end of every day or I'm starting new memories from. From the day you lose your memories. That's it. So then, like, so you, from that day on, you remember everything from there.

But it's just all your memories before that day. I forget all my memories and I'd have to build new ones. At least I could still see my children. Yeah, it's true. But you get to fall in love with them again. What if you didn't like them? What if you didn't like your wife? Produce girl?

I've heard this one before, and I know the only way to communicate this is to Clint for him to work it out. It comes down to your wife's boobs. Would you rather only be able to see your wife's boobs again or only remember them? I want to see them. I want to see them. And when I do see them, I've lost my memory. I'm seeing them the first time again. And if you get to see them, then you might get to touch them as well.

Rather than just the memory of touching them. When it comes down to love making as well, I struggle to find things when I've got my eyesight. So if you take that away from me, fuck me. I'm like, Mr. Magoo. If you're your memory, you can't do your job? I had learned to know where the faders are. We could. Clink couldn't. Sometimes he fucking buggers it up even when he does.

I think he probably couldn't do it blind either. Because if you lost your memory, you don't remember how to do anything. You'd also have, none of us would be able to do our jobs because we'd have no life experience to draw upon to talk. I reckon Clint could do it blind. Yeah, but just not just the buttoning, the talking. Like, what are you going to talk about when you have no life experience? The cool stuff you hear?

Like you wouldn't remember how to put your shoes on You wouldn't remember how to drive a car You wouldn't remember It's not just fun memories It's like memories about how to exist in the world Oh so you're like a baby again Oh that's not cool Bring Dan's mic back

Why'd you turn me down? You're being naughty You said that I don't know how to do stuff Oh Only hence you turn my mic down Yeah but you had your eyesight then Yeah you're right actually If you are a bit of a thicko

And you're like a baby Then yeah you'd lose your sight Oh, imagine losing your side. They'd be like the worst thing of all the senses. Okay. Would you rather always have B.O. It's not known. Ash has added today.

Yeah, I use natural deodorant, so pretty much always have B.O. So would you always have B.O? What's the point? If it doesn't work, why put it on? Well, it does work a little bit? It just doesn't work heaps good. That's not like heavy duty. No, but I don't mind.

I don't mind smelling a bit if it means I'm healthier. What, but does it? Does it mean you're healthy, but then you're a smelly girl? Do you think of me as a smelly person? I haven't, no, but you're saying... I've spent time three hours, four hours a morning with you in a studio. Obviously, I'm not a smelly person. But if you're saying you're smelling, then you must know.

Yeah, because I'm so close. Like, there's a... What happens if you spray normal deodorant on you? There's just lots of chemicals in there, and all of our lymph nodes, aluminium are very close to our breasts under our... I think my thing, the argument that I would probably have against all those things is you're going to die of something someday. I just don't want to die of breast cancer.

I want to take one thing out of the possibilities. Yeah, I understand. If, under, I'm sorry, if deodorant was going to give you breast cancer, you'd be like, okay, definitely not. But there's not a guarantee that it will. There's not a guarantee that it won't. Yeah, so smoke two packs of cigarettes a day, if that's... But I mean, aren't there some things in life that would make your life so much more

convenient and you roll the dice? I just don't care enough with deodorant. Like, I'd rather just do that. But then where does it end? Because even driving your car is probably one of the most dangerous things you can do. So then you'd be like, I'm going to stop driving. Hey, Clint, she doesn't want to wear it. No, no, like, if you're not going to wear Dioran because it can give you.

But it's not affecting anybody. It's not affecting my life. I agree, but well. It's not, though. How is it affecting my life? Well, if you're saying, it doesn't work as well, and now I smell today. But I don't care. Okay, but what about all the other things you have to buy or things you have to do? And it's all time and it all consumes your time or your mind or your money. I buy the same things that I would otherwise buy.

I just choose a different thing. So I choose an organic apple over a normal apple. It doesn't seem tricky. Yeah. So, but that's all, I'm not buying extra things. But I guess what I mean is like life is full of like, um, chances and consequences and whatever. And it's like we can't, if we could fix all of them, then you fix all of them because you know you're going to get a guaranteed result. But we have some power to be healthier.

Otherwise, just eat shit all day and be like, well, I'm going to die anyway, which is like crap. True. I think it's probably, yeah, I'm not going to go drink cigarettes and eat shitty food because I want to be good to my body. But I guess it's maybe it's where my line stops. Everyone has a different line. And my lines just, and I also have like, this helps with my anxiety to do things like eat a certain way. Then again, I just had a hot dog, like an arrogant. I'm not a psych about it.

And the things I put on my body and things are having my house, it's just how I like to live. And that's different for other people. And that's okay. But it's not a big, like, I don't feel like it's a sacrifice is what I'm saying. I guess that's the difference. I'm probably going, oh, it feels like a ballache to me. But if it doesn't feel like a ballache to you. It's become my life.

life. So I just go to a certain place to buy things. I just make different choices that become normal for me. It probably is also a little bit of me feeling, you know, when someone's doing something that you feel like you should be doing? So it makes you feel bad. So then you go, I'm trying to understand this because now I'm like... And you want to justify your own choices.

Yeah, exactly. That's human nature. And so then I'm like, why are you doing that? And then you tell me and I go, okay, maybe that's... And I may be wasting my time. But for me, it just helps me feel better about all the other things in the water. I can't control. I choose what I can control

and that gives me a sense of maybe false control. Yeah. I think that's what it comes down to. Dan's just wanting to read the next. He just wants to read his next. I've never been more fucking bored in my life.

That is the most longest conversation about shit. What a fuck. I genuinely want to jump off the bridge right now. I wish you could see it's right. Fuck me. I hope you edit that out, Clint.

It won't make sense now because we'll just be cranking up laughing about nothing I was going to ask if you'd rather have a baboon's ass or a pig snout If it feels trivial after that shit Baboons ass is so good Yeah but you can wear pants over it You can't just can't rub a pig stout Imagine though

Yeah you can be like that fun guy with the pig snout I genuinely do not remember a time Before we started recording this podcast It's like I've lost all members It's like I took that thing. How long as you still have your sight, Dan? I think I'd rather gouge my eyes out with a fucking knife

than listen to that conversation. I thought that was an interesting conversation. Oh, fuck, you'd be the one of the first. Just understanding how different people prioritised things in their life? Oh, good. What was it about? I don't actually don't know.

Yeah, you go back and listen to the podcast. It was about my natural deodorant is pretty much what it was about. It sounded like it. Oh, God. Thanks, guys. We'll see you tomorrow. Okay.

Catch you next time. I might not be. Bye. Rover, Music, radio, podcasts.