The Edge Breakfast - ONLY FANS Fart Like a Quack

Episode Date: April 3, 2025

This is a podcast from Rover. This is the OnlyFans podcast with Clint, Meg and Dan. It's not meant to be as explicit as the actual OnlyFans, but most of the time it is. Hey everyone, welcome to the OnlyFans podcast. Hello everybody! We're just deliberating whether we need like a sting, like an OnlyFans. And then Meg, you go, OnlyFans. No, there's already enough, Clint. Have you ever listened to The Only Fans on Spotify?

I clearly haven't. I was going to bring it up, actually, because there's like four different intros. So it'll go, listening on Rover to the Clint Mergen, whatever. So then that plays. Then there's another intro that goes The Only Fans. And then another intro. Oh, and then if we do another, only fans.

Yeah, too many. Too many. Didn't we used to do that? Meg, we did do a song Only fans Only fans Yeah, that actually wasn't bad I don't think I was in key

Wow, but you know Who's doing that? Who's turning the lights on? I'm not sure They're going down now Oh, sorry, that was me. It was me because the video girl, Bella, asked if we could turn the lights up a little bit. Bella! Oh, because...

Bella, darling, I've got a bit of a migraine. Yeah, no, I was just thinking if we want more videos from this, but... Jesus! We've skipped on your mic. What is going on? What is going on with your microphone? I can tell you, it's all sass from Bella. Love you, Bella.

Guys, just to be funny this time around, sorry. Big old me to the grain for me. Have you got a migraine? I don't know what it is. I can't see out of one eye. I've got some cool edge glasses like speed dealers here if you want to wear those. Yes, please.

So what, you can't see out of which eye? My right eye. What were you doing last night? Sleeping. Okay. What else could it be? Oh, my God. Your only thing is a dick in the eye.

Oh, come on. I didn't. I actually genuinely didn't think it was a dick in the eye. Well, what did you think it was? Oh, you thought it was sperm in my eye. Brilliant stuff, Claire. God, that is disgusting from you. This podcast going out to Sammy Doe.

Sammy's like, no! Thanks, Sammy, for listening. She's, or he, actually. I don't know the sex. Well, click on the photo. I think it's a female. Let's go Sammy, a girl. I think it's a female.

This is a great dedication. Yeah, thanks so much, Sammy, for listening to the podcast. She's a member of the podcast fam as well. And she says one of her favourite things of listening to the podcasts is the little stings that they put in between the bits where apparently Carl's put in things where it goes, Meg goes, um, let's go. And then there's one where it goes, stinky little bit. I've got those at the ready all the time just in case. Let's go And then there's Stinky little

I've got those At the ready All the time Just in case Let's go Yeah so there's Apparently in between Each break we do

They play those Whoa Yep Stuff like that So yeah I'm just getting them ready So I can play them to you Because they're quite cool

You guys Yeah you might not have heard these What about this one This was when Meg was like Really drunk And she was talking She was recording a message for herself. So just chill, all right, honey?

Oh, my God. Fuck my life. That one's embarrassing. What about this one? You got it. Fiat. Yeah, that's another good one. That's why it's good for me to not drink for a year.

Those glasses make you look like an absolute badass. Do you want to hear some of these? Yeah, go on. Okay, so this is the imaging we got made for the podcast. You look like an absolute badass. Do you want to hear some of these? Yeah, go on. Okay, so this is the imaging we got made for the podcast. This is like everyone who listens to podcasts is just hearing shit they've already heard. No, exactly. Oh, yeah, but these are in the main podcast. Okay, here's number one.

Clint, Meg and Dan. Oh, my gosh. Okay. Clint. Clint, Meg and Dan. Let's go. There he is. Clint, Meg and Dan. Stinky boob. Okay, that was me. Clint, Meg and Dan Let's go There he is Clint, Meg and Dan

Stinky boob Okay, that was me Clint, Meg and Dan Yeah, okay, then there's Clint, Meg and Dan Clint's one The Clint, Meg and Dan podcast Yeah, okay, the rest are pretty standard, but yeah

I don't say anything really all that embarrassing Oh, I don't know about that, Clint You do say stuff embarrassing No, but I'm smart enough to say my shit off We just didn't catch it We've got your voice cloned now so we can say all sorts of shit. Like, oh my God, the stuff you were saying in the group chat yesterday was wild, mate. Hey, bro, got a bit of a weird one.

I took a couple of those horny goat weed pills I brought on Katie's credit card, and I've had an erection for like three hours, and it won't go down. And I've already been warned about going to pick the kids up because of my bulge. I definitely can't go near a school like this. It's like a full French breadstick. Do you think you could go pick the kids up for me and take them to a playground or something? Jamie can't because she's going to be busy for the afternoon.

She said something about pole vaulting. Afternoon. Afternoon. It's just not good with its flow and its grammar stops and stuff. Otherwise, it's very good tone. I think Casey must have responded not being happy with what I was putting, supposedly, even though it was Carl just fucking around with my AI voice. And then he said this to the boss's response in my voice.

Nah, shove it up your ass, Casey. You clean my bit. If you want me, I'll be in my Tesla listening to Elon Musk interviews. The Rocket Man is my hero. Why clean my butt what does he mean by that because he was talking remember he sent that group message oh you guys probably um about like cleaning up the station and the producer booth i want him to clean my butt yeah no no no yeah you're biffkin yeah oh jesus yeah he wants us to clean up the edge

station basically i don't think people are fooled by that, right? But it does scare you that in the next few years that technology is only going to get better and you could have a voice message from your friend saying something really nice, really bad, or asking for account details, or I don't know, whatever. And it'll be hard to know what's true and what's not. Especially for people like us because we have a voice online

so anybody can clone it at any time. You know what I mean? It honestly will also work as, like, I guess a scapegoat type. Well, that's probably not the right word. I think you'll be able to get out of trouble when people are caught cheating and then they just go, ah, this is deep fake. That wasn't me.

That video's not me. There definitely needs to be, and I've talked about this on Instagram before some sort of law around showing something as AI

there has to be like a branding or something where you know if an AI photo goes up that there by law has to be like a photoshopped

or even like a photo that's been photoshopped of yourself I feel like should have should have a little thing on it like a filter because otherwise people look at it and go that's what people look like no but that's the whole pointped of yourself, I feel like, should have a little thing on it that you filtered. Because otherwise people look at it and go,

that's what people look like. No, but that's the whole point of AI is to not be noticeable. No, but it's kind of like with filters and stuff. And I think even with sponsored posts, you have to put ad or sponsored content so that people know you're not just shouting out a comment. You're being paid to shout them out. Yeah, how come we have to do that?

But robots, they can just... Well, I think the reason they've invented AI is to make, I think, the core thing is to make it easier, in a way, for humans to do their job. So a journalist could technically write the start of a story, and then get AI to finish it. And that looks like

that journalist wrote the story, and it really was a robot. Helped with AI, or whatever. Exactly, like, created with AI. Do you know what? Never to do, and this has always scared me. Mum told me when her grandma was dying on her deathbed, her last thing was don't ever let them put chips into your body. And Mum was like, what? And she's like, microchips, whatever you do,

don't let them put chips into your body. Nana went down there. She was crazy. It's the devil type thing, whatever, and then died. And mum was like, she's paranoid that technology and AI is going to get to a point where like, just put a chip inside and then we can just scan it and pay for things with the chips that are installed in us.

And I'm like, once that starts happening, I'll be like, fucking Nana was right. Oh, great, great, Nana. It's when they start putting stuff inside your body that things get very murky. You know, like at the moment. Have you ever just tuned into the pod? Yeah, Dan. No, but you know what I mean, like at the moment. Maybe I haven't just tuned into the pod. Yuck, Dan.

No, but you know what I mean. Like at the moment where everything's on our phone and like you might have a watch that you can pay, like my Apple Watch, you can press a button and you can pay, like your phone, your cart pops up and you can pay for stuff with your watch. But it's when you start getting rid of that and then it's installed inside your body.

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, before we had our phones, we wouldn't have been able to imagine what it was like to just text, call, ring somebody or pay for something instantly. One day there will be chips in our hands or wherever and we go, do you remember we had to carry a phone around with our IDs for town?

You know, like our e-postcards and we'll just be walking around. Bags will go out of stock. I think what will happen... Bags. You don't need bags anymore. Meg's worried about strand bags. Yeah, strand bags or wallets.

Wallets. You don't need wallets. But they'll be like, no need for bags anymore. People will never carry a thing again. Pockets are going to be extinct. Wallets will be a useless thing. You don't need a fucking pocket.

What about when you go overseas and you need to take a change of clothes? What do you mean? You need a bag. Clothes will be hologrammed. Everybody will just be nude and clothes will just be hologrammed onto you.

That would be cool if you could like choose your outfit, Megan. I'm planning on doing five changes of fucking shows. And there'd be like a split second

where he's got nothing on and Megan would be straight around the desk going, oh, there it is. I've seen it too many times. While your skin's loading. Your new skin. Your new skin. Your new skin.

Yeah. I think eventually, and it won't be in any of our lifetime that are listening now, but I think in the future, there'll be a thing where you can get a chip in your brain and you can then bypass your brain onto Google.

So I could be sitting here right now. I'm present in the room, but I could be watching porn. Like I could, you could be, you guys are doing podcasts and I'll be like this. I'll be like the room, but I could be watching porn. You guys are going to be doing the podcast and I'll be like this. And if we can't, that's a real shame on you, Dan.

I'll just go blank face and you'll be like, he's watching porn again. Or you can't do blank face even in the future. No, blank face. That's fine. I'll look over and be like, actually, Clint, I can't tell. Is that a boner or not? Oh, no, there's a wet patch. We're good. What else are you doing if you're watching I can't tell oh no there's a wet patch we're good that's it what I've done myself fuck me

Jesus what else are you doing if you're watching porn what else are you doing do you just watch porn to give yourself blue balls and go oh about to come to you

research I'm just saying that's what could happen I'm not actually doing it that's a black mirror episode yeah it is where you literally can have these like

you can tap into memories and rewatch them and people are like watching old memories of them With their ex-girlfriend Or whatever Banging her Whilst their body

Is still in present time It was a crazy episode Yeah it was a great one And if you had an argument With your partner You said this No I didn't I said this

And you go Alright then And you just go back To the memory Find the file And project it In the air And you could watch

Your argument back And go See Told you And it was like Oh my god This is crazy If this ever happened file and project it on the like in the air and you could watch your argument back and go see told you and it was like oh my god this is crazy if this ever happened what's everyone have for breakfast Cocoa Pops Clint? Crumpets

oh that's a good fart one it's good for farting I'm just saying I had crumpets for breakfast and then I end up having a like a wonton noodle curry soup. I'm getting off my chair ready to leave. Here we go. A wonton noodle what?

I had that for lunch like 45 minutes ago. So day-old wontons. Day-old what? What day? Like 12-hour, 16-hour wonton noodle red curry slash soup. Come on, hit the jams, baby Hit the jams. I'll let you table first, Meg. I always table first.

You go first. Okay. Oh, fucking good guess, Dan. That's good stuff. She's over your arm. They're more likely to be quacky. They are. They're commonly quacky. He's going to qu She's over his roll. They're more likely to be quacky. They are. They're commonly quacky.

He's going to quack his pants. Okay. Oh, fucking hell. Okay. Wow. One different. Okay. He's taking it.

I think it's fourth in the row. I thought that I'd leave you with teary eyes. Guess the fart, what's that smell? Here's the truth. A stinking mystery. Fold up to one pair. Guess the fart. Those wontons are repeating on you, fella.

Digest in right now. I think you've fucking shat one out. I think that's Jesus. I'll be digesting right now. It's incredible how fast your body digests. It's like a bean to a Chinese restaurant. You know what we could do? That could be the adaptation

of this game where I do a fart and you have to work out what I ate. Smells like a stinky foot. Can we get one of those, you know those fighter jet pilot things where they wear those like full masks and then it has like a hose

that attaches to the mask and goes into the planes And it pushes oxygen into their face I know exactly what you mean It sounds like a custom job But I'm up for the challenge Cool And then I'll fart in it

Well Dan wears the mask And then he has to give One item of food That I've eaten in the last 12 hours Guys Oh can that be Can that be my like Maternity gift

Great idea But I I want commitment I want commitment Because I will I will make this and I will spend the time in the workshop. Then you'll come on for the baby. Do you want, Meg, do you want

to put the mask on for your maternity? I don't want to wear it. I want to watch Dan do it. Oh, okay, cool. That will make me laugh. I'd really enjoy that. I'm not having a baby shower. No one's organised me anything. That could be that. Do you want to do that, Dan? If there's like a particulate filter where I can still get the smell

but I don't get any of the like particles. It would have to travel down the tube. Easy. Yeah, I can definitely put that in, Dan. Put a stocking on or something. Why is he wearing stockings? That's not going to make a difference. Just if it makes you enjoy the game more, Dan. If you put high heels on, we can talk. Every time Clint does a fart, you say you know the taste of what he's eaten. on, we can talk. Every time Clint does a fart,

you say you know the taste of what he's eaten. No, I don't. No, you do. No, I don't. Okay, that's not my talent. Can I just say that now? I'm not hanging my hat on that as a talent. I can tell what people ate for dinner from their fart.

I don't. I can't do that. All we've got is the audio of you saying, I can tell. You do every time he farts, you go, sprouts and Vegemite. Sprouts and Vegemite? I don't think he's ever had that. Nah.

It's your school, not Meg's. Okay, guys, we look forward to that on Meg's. No, we don't. Last week. We can play it daily, Monday to Friday on the last week. Thank you. Thanks, boys. Carl's working on the mask and the hose attachment.

And then Clint, We can choose different meals Yeah you can You work You work out the meal I'll eat it Dan guesses We're all involved Do a spag bol one time

Mints Well don't give him the answers Okay Do a spag bol mints I'm gonna go That was a spag bol And he'll be like Bugger

We shouldn't have talked about that Corn fritters Don't give him the answers Yeah Fish cakes Fish cakes Pulled pork Fucking hell

Jesus That is gonna be a stinky one Fish cakes, pulled pork. Fucking hell, Jesus, that is going to be a stinky one. Fish cakes and pulled pork. Have a fucking good weekend, everybody.

See you next week. Should we start again? Yeah, let's, no, I want to go, I want to go, this will have to do.

Cliff, Meg and Dan. Rover, music, radio, podcasts.