The Edge Breakfast - ONLY FANS Get better work stories

Episode Date: June 24, 2025

This is a podcast from Rover. This is the OnlyFans podcast with Clint, Meg and Dan. It's not meant to be as explicit as the actual OnlyFans, but most of the time it is. Hey everyone, welcome along to the OnlyFans podcast. Good to have you. No Meg today, she's sick. Nah, Ash London was filling in for her this morning, and will be for the next few months actually.

Yeah, look, we have to be ready for the possibility of Meg not wanting to come back to work while everyone's getting sick. Poor life. Yeah, a couple of positive COVID tests amongst the team, which is cool. And better safe than sorry, you don't wanna be that person that goes, oh, I'll be fine, and you get to work

and make everybody else sick, and then you get sicker. So it's better to just tread with caution. And as Meg said to me in the car park yesterday, I don't want to have a blocked nose while I'm trying to push a baby out. Yes. Yeah. Which I didn't think of, labour.

Top five worst times to have a blocked nose, it'd be there, it'd be in there. Trapped in a car underwater. Yeah, that would be good. Or just in general, that would suck. Well, you know, you're not using your nose much if you're underwater. If you were kidnapped.

Oh yeah, and they put the duct tape. I often think about that. Duct tape over the mouth. It's like those people that do the mouth taping overnight. Because you're supposed to always breathe through your nose. It's much healthier. But what happens if during the night you develop a blocked nose? True.

Nightmare. You wake up. Absolute nightmare. Imagine. Cause of death. What a way to die. Mouth taping. I know.

I don't know anyone that does that. My friend Violet tried to do it but had claustrophobia. You can really just close your mouth. You don't have to tape it shut. People are so extreme. What does your breath wake up rank? Because if you breathe through your mouth you've got ear flow circulating but if you just close it up then you're like, hey babe, must be like ugh.

Well the other day I, often for dinner I make like a can of beans and then just whatever vegetable is in the cupboard and then I'll fridge and then like garlic, tahini, it's awesome. Anyway, we ended up at the hospital that night because Buddy was a bit ill and I'm still a bit paranoid about germs, so I had a mask on and then the taste and smell of my mouth after like three hours after having like a garlic salad. Disgusting. It was like hot and it was disgusting. I can smell it now. Not literally, but I can imagine.

Significantly speaking, yeah. And if you wear a mask because you're trying to protect yourself from other people, everyone thinks you're sick. Absolutely, exactly right. But then again, I guess that without it going near you, then cool job done, right? My dream.

Do you want to know something disgusting? Always. Okay, so and it's to do with this sort of respiratory smelly stuff. So my wife Hannah, she's a, she used to work in the hospital and she's a doctor she used to work with in the sleep clinic, which was dealing with people

with respiratory illness, in particular sleep apnea. Yeah. Okay, and so she'd have people that would come in and quite often a lot of the time, and I'd, hopefully she's okay come in and quite often a lot of the time and I Hopefully she's okay with me saying this a lot of the people that were very confidential industry no no Being a doctor no, but a lot of the time people that would come in would be How do I say and put this lightly?

Well, yes overweight, but also they're the type of people that don't care about their bodies. So they'd come in and they'd go, Hannah, go, look, you would literally, if you keep going the way you're doing, eating and smoking a pack a day, you will die. And they'd go, I don't care. And they get a $10,000, $20,000 sleep apnea machine donated by the government, taxpayer funded. And then she'd go, here's your sleep apnea machine. Treat this with care. It's keeping you alive at night. Okay, so they'd take them home.

This one person came back and saying their sleep apnea machine was not working properly, and these things are expensive, as I say, $20,000. They hadn't cleaned it. And there was, Hannah took it apart. And there was mold through the piping, bits of food and stuff in the pit that was in the, that they were putting over their face. So they were like eating while they had the sleep apnea machine on

and bits of crusty like food were getting stuck in the thing. Oh my gosh. There was so much mould in the apparatus itself that it was make like, it was basically killing them, putting them off. It was defeating the purpose because it was just feeding mould back into their system. So it was making them sicker. And she had to be like, you've literally destroyed this machine that was $20,000 of taxpayer

money given to you by the government and you've just destroyed it. And they've gone, I want another one and it's your job to... and that's why she got out of it. She was just like, I can't deal with these people that just are constantly wanting handouts and not wanting to do something. Stop eating while they've got CPAP masks on. Crazy. Do you have to clean them out regularly and stuff or is it just a don't eat while you're wearing it scenario?

Rule one, don't eat while putting it on. Rule two, yeah, you have to clean them because obviously they've got airflow going through them. So if it's, it's going to get moldy after a while if you're not cleaning them. So you have to clean them. And that's like one, they give you like a sheet of paper. It's like a simple A4 sheet of paper

that's like, this is how you clean it. And I bet you there is an alert that goes off or a light that goes on to say it's time to clean it. 100%. Yeah. Yeah, I don't even like it when my like coffee filter has gone outside of the three month window, you know, you got to replace it. It's been three and a half months.

Yeah. It's not filtering my coffee in my water probably. Oh gosh. Yeah, we moved into our rental and I found a bit of mould on the curtains. It was like World War Three and I was on the phone, pulled the curtains off the rods, wouldn't touch them, made someone else come and touch them to take them out of the house. I hate mould, it's insidious. And if there's mould, it means that there's a bigger issue.

Exactly. If you can see the mould on the walls, there's mould everywhere in the walls. I'm probably somewhere in the middle of like, something's going to have to kill you. And definitely looking after the machine that's keeping me alive. I'm not sure where in the middle that is. But yeah, you're on definitely at a very specific end of the spectrum, aren't you? Yeah, my poor husband spends half his life rolling his eyes at me saying, it's fine. You don't need to worry.

That's not something you need to worry about. Please relax. Please relax. But I can't. Where does it come from? Well, I've done a lot of therapy over the years. And I think it comes from the fact that I was a bit sick when I was younger, like lots of respiratory things. So my mum took me to the doctor a lot, so that was how I got attention when I was younger.

And my dad died when I was young and like sickness in the family. So just the whole idea of sickness, attention, people get sick, sick, yeah, you're going to get sick. So I just, yeah, which is really weird because I'm quite a positive, happy person. But the way that manifests for me is like control. So I'm very crazy about only organic food, no chemicals in the house, I don't wear a chemical deodorant, which is really good stuff, but it's gone to the bad place.

I've been pendulum for me swung too far and I don't really enjoy my life because I spend so much time trying to make myself safe and buddy safe. Yeah, that's a full time job. It's exhausting. Yeah, yeah. That's why Meg and I get along so well because we bond over the fact that we're both like that.

Yeah, cut from the same cloth. Absolutely, it makes me feel better, it makes her feel better and it's like, oh, okay, I'm gonna be fine. I think a lot of people have a form of health anxiety to a point, but yeah, you and Meg are very extreme level. Yeah, and I think having a kid made it worse. Because I put it on Buddy. Now it's like, oh, if I die, that's fine, but Buddy can't be sick.

So it's really like if he gets sick, I want it to be me. Yeah. So annoying, because like other people like you, Clint, where you're just like, you have no stress about that. And it's just like, you have no stress about that. And it's just like, I'll be fine. Like Adrian's the same, who cares? Whereas I spend so much of my energy thinking about getting sick, not getting, trying to stop myself from getting sick. What do I do?

And it's just fucked. Yeah, I guess I'd understand it more if we were like living in a third world country and we're like, if you do get sick, there aren't the things that we can just go and get from down the store to help you get better. Whereas here in New Zealand it's like, oh, we'll be sweet. Although arguably maybe not when you go to Starship Hospital with your son and it takes three hours and then they go, hey, we're not going to be able to see you till the morning. You're like, it's 2 a.m. Now like, you know, we mean like 6, 7 a.m. morning. And you're like, okay. But that means in my mind, I'm like,

they've checked him out. They're not worried, I shouldn't be worried, it's fine. Yeah, right, because they've at least looked at him. A professional has put the oxygen thing on his finger, that's already getting my anxiety levels down. Because I know that if they were worried. My wife, I remember our daughter's temp was up around 39, 40. And I think when it hit 40.2 whatever,

and you give him some Pamel, just give him Pamel. And it kind of came down and he came and said, I'm doing all right. And then I said, Jay, book her in. It was maybe Saturday and I was gonna take her to A&E and whatever, because if it was gonna get any higher, then Jay was like, I'll book her in. I can only get her in on Monday.

And I was like, well, yeah, we'll book her in for Monday. And we need to cancel it because we've already sorted over the weekend, cool, whatever. It sort of fluctuated between 38 and 40 all weekend. And it was just kept going. Then she was bad. Then she was good. And then I said to her, OK, well, what time is your point Monday? And she goes, oh, well, she seemed to come right on like the Saturday hour. But whatever. So I didn't book it. I was like, well, what are we booking now? And she goes, well, I can't get into a Wednesday now. She'll be right by Wednesday.

I was like, so my wife is so, so chill that maybe we feed off each other's chillness. Whereas if one person was like, oh my God, this is serious. Then I'd probably go, oh shit, is it? And then I would worry. But you know, Adrian turns as like, when we had to go to the hospital on the weekend, I've had to be taken once before after a fall.

Me being the health anxiety person, I go into like focus mode. So calm, so focused. Get it done. Adrian falls apart. Can't put, can't string a sentence together. He's useless in an emergency. Absolutely useless. Like shaking, pale, can't speak. Well, you're like, right, this is my domain. I've prepared for this. I am ready to go. He fell off the table onto concrete when he was like one and a half and he kept kind of like opening his eyes and falling. He was fine, but we had to get to the hospital. Adrian couldn't even put him in the car. Like, I should have left him at home. So I just like,

I get Buddy in the car, strap him in, call the ambulance, like call the hospital, figure out where the hospital, drive us to the, Put the windows down, because I'm going down the tram tracks going 100 kilometres an hour in a 50 zone, yelling, I'm getting my kid to the hospital, like, park the car, get him in, like, Adrian's nowhere to be seen. Just went to order. Oh, wow. That's interesting, isn't it? But I get very... I've got a job to do now,

and it's my job now. Again, control. What can I do to control this situation? There's nowhere to live, though. I want to be like, cool, Mum, it's my job now. Again, control. What can I do to control this situation? It's nowhere to live though. I want to be like a cool mum. It's just like, yeah. Yeah, you'll be fine, mate. Just a bit of blood, wipe it off.

You need to be a doctor. I think I'd be a great doctor. That's the thing you, that's the one thing that would solve it. You just need to go to doctor school. What's that called? Medical school. Medical school.

And, and, and, What would it be my wife did for four years? Learn how to be a doctor and that would get rid of all the anxiety because you know exactly what it is every time. Well I spend so much time on the internet, pretty much I'm a doctor when it comes to it.

I don't know whether you go, when your kid's experiencing something, oh that's nothing mate, I'm seeing way worse. Or because you know of all the things it could be, would it fuel the anxiety, be like oh shit it could be one of these 1800 things. But you could be like, I know it's not that, because the rash is a different shape. Well, you know what? You'd know everything about it. So you'd be a great doctor,

because you'd be so knowledgeable about all the deadly diseases. You know when we study and we kind of skim read a little, and we just kind of learn enough to get through, poor Ash would know every single rash. You'd have to know it all. Yeah, I really would. It'd take you like eight years.

You could be called Dr. Rash. Oh my God, stop it. And then I would just have to become a dermatologist. Yes, you could just deal with rash based stuff. The marketing is speaking to me. You could see a lot of herpes. Yeah, that's interesting. So you're a broadcaster, maybe look at going into medicine and I think Dan was going to go into train driving. No, no, no, no, no, no. I can see that. That's very on-brand for you for some reason. Yeah, I think, no, I've said before, if radio fails and God probably will at one point, I'm going to become a train driver. No, that suits you, Darv.

Yeah, I think, you know, huh, huh. You've got a big hat, though. Do you have to wear the hat? I don't think that's not the 1940s anymore, so I don't think they wear funny hats. I'd want a hat if I was going to be a train driver. I would only want to do it if you got to wear the overalls and shovel the coal. No, that's the hard part.

Now you're just sitting in the front and pressing the throttle. That's boring. You want to be in a proper train. You don't even turn. Like with the train, it does it itself. I want to be able to do something. Like I want to be a man. You stoke the fire, you get a bit of coal and stuff on you and soot and things.

Rub some stuff on you if you want. If you look like you've done at least a little bit of work Imagine, your dad's driving an electric drink over and soot because he thinks it looks cool BYO soot from TV Is that just some mascara you've just rubbed over your face? Yeah, but it looks like I've been working hard Just soaking the pot And he's talking like he's in Thomas the Tank Engine

Yeah, yeah, yeah And Thomas the Tank Engine rolled into the station I yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And Thomas the Tank Engine blowed into the station. I will say it's either that or a bus driver. No. Bus driver? Fuck that. I think it'd be fun. Why? What part of it? Train driver I can understand. Bus driver is just, you're literally just driving really. Yeah, I hate driving though. Go stop, go stop. But the problem is, you're literally just driving really. I hate driving though. Go stop, go stop.

But the problem is you're thinking about when you're normally in traffic and you've got somewhere to go. As a bus driver, you're really, you're just doing your job. So you're just making the day go by. So you're just driving. So it's not like you're going,

shit I need to be somewhere because I'm a bus driver. You're just driving. So you don't have to do anything. You don't even need to now deal with the people that get on the bus because they're just swiping on and off. Yeah, but I think the problem with being a bus driver is that there are so many altercations on buses that you are responsible for.

Like you are the king of your domain. Is it? You're responsible for everyone on board. If there's a fight, if someone's being racist or whatever, you have to- Not my problem. What are those tour buses? What if someone takes a dump in the,

you know, one of the ones that have the toilet in the back and they say driver is blocked. There's a lady at the bus station that does that. Norah Booker could be a man. We did a phone call once in a radio show, they're like, what did you see on public transport? And we had a bus driver call up to say that he watched a woman change her pad.

In the bus? On the bus. But that's a cool story. I'd go, I get home to Hannah and go, guess what happened on the bus today? And she'd go, what? And I'd be like, lady took off her tampon. No, it wasn't a tampon, it was a pad. A'd go, I'd get home to Hannah and go, guess what happened on the bus today? And she'd go, what? And I'd be like, lady took off her tampon. No, it wasn't a tampon, it was a pad. A pad? I don't know the difference.

It's a greater area of blood. Yuck, that is disgusting. In our police force, it's like, get better work stories, join the police. I don't know if that's the same in Australia, is it? No, definitely not. It's definitely not the bus driver slogan. No, people hate the cops in Australia. Oh, do they?

Yeah, it's not. People don't like the police. Really? I was over there just over the weekend and the police look funny. They don't look serious. They've got like a funny cap on. And I saw a cop with shorts, wearing shorts. They look like police in like a parody type comedy movie.

If they've got shorts it means they're bike police. I think it was on a bike. I can't take a police officer seriously on a bike. Or a horse, we have him on horses also. But they're very high up on the horse. I wouldn't fuck with one on a horse. Yeah, the horse will fuck you up. Yeah, but that reminds me of 21 Jump Street.

You know when Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill qualify as finally police officers and they're just cycling around on bikes, Jonah? So embarrassing, I always feel sorry. I feel like, I have like secondhand embarrassment. Like I look away because I'm like, oh, they must be so embarrassed that they're on a fucking bike. Do you think that's entry-level?

No, I can't be on an e-bike. Well, at least you can chase the criminals quicker. They'll tie around and you're like, man, I got all day. I got your sport mode. I got all day. You ain't going anywhere. If I entered the police force and they're like, Dan, you were onto bikes. I'd think it was like a motorbike. And then when I got to the thing and they're like, Dan, you were onto bikes, I'd think it was like a motorbike.

And then when I got to the thing and that, I'm like, here's your fucking push bike. With a little basket on the front. Yeah. Ding ding. That must be entry level in the police. Like you're on the bike first, then you graduate to a car. And then the top is the police motorbike.

Yeah, or the helicopter. So when does the horse come in? Does that stage... Well, I think the horse is only for riot police. Oh yeah, so they're usually... They use them in riots. So usually they're just on a car, in a car, and then when there's a riot they're on their horse.

Isn't that crazy? Because if you walk past a horse too fast, it'll go mental. And yet they use them for riots? It's because everyone at a riot is on ground level, and the horse is able... You're able to maneuver the horse, but you're far above. So you're higher above people. You've got a better like point of view.

They must be the most chilled horses because the ones that I've been around. True that. Yeah. You just don't want to make a loud clap around them. Yeah. I'm scared of horses. They run at you. Dan's wife's a horse girl. Horse girls are meant to be a bit crazy. We had an average of school with a horse girl, Vashti, and we went to boarding school with her and she'd sit in the tree and pretend to be a horse and neigh at us.

I'd be like, Vashti, you need to come down, it's dinner time. Someone go and get Vashti. She'd be like, neigh? I was like, fuck it, I don't speak horse, Vashti. I'm not saying Hannah's like that. Is that how you found her? Exactly. Hannah's real name, Vashti? Yeah. It was like, hey girl in the tree, you got a boyfriend?

And she's like, nah. And Dan's like, yes. Yeah. Apparently my wife said that a lot of horse girls... Oh, I don't know if I can talk about this. Why not? Oh, you already threw her under the bus in the medical field. Is there intersex sexual stuff?

No, no, no. Well, no, no, no. So... Not with horses, I mean. Dan's best stories always start with, oh, I don't think I... Anyway, here we go. No, it's actually quite a weird story. This comes from the horse community, Hannah.

Straight from the horse's mouth. That's funny. Very good. So apparently a lot of girls that start horse riding very young, I can't say. Break their hymens on it. Break their hymens.

Yeah, I said it. I'm a girl, I said it. Everyone already knows the secret Dan couldn't say. Oh, I don't know if I can, oh I'm a girl, I said it. Everyone already knows the secret team couldn't say! Oh, I don't know if I can... Oh, the world knows, okay. Everyone else in the studio said it at once, yeah, okay. All of us! Everyone! But hymen breaking in the horse community, very common. But there's still a lot of contention around whether hymens are a real thing that break.

Yeah, really? We'll kind of come full circle on that, but we don't know if that's a thing or not. I just thought if you were, you know, if you like to get around, then you just take up horse riding, so then, you know, you can... No, it's just the horses, Mum. I'm not a big old slut.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's just the horse. It's a good excuse. I've got to go to my other radio show now, guys. Okay. Off you go. Love you. And hopefully see everyone tomorrow,

well and healthy. Yep, no scratchy throats. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and hopefully see everyone tomorrow Well and healthy. Yeah, no scratchy throats. Yeah stuff. Yeah. Yeah, I'm like everyone do a test Yeah, does that make me a loser if I text someone to be like, no I actually love the fact because I'm going away on holiday and I don't want to be sick Just before I go and it's been like half the holiday trying to recover And it's great It's just like my like health shield because she's making everyone do all the things that I want to ask people to do but I won't.

And then the boss, so I can get the boss to buy the COVID tests and be like, here everybody. We can pressure him into doing that. Yeah, but you know, your body, your rules. I like how he came in before. It was the first time he'd come in and given Ash some tips and he said the first half of the show wasn't great. No, what did he say?

You found your stride. I was like, what does that mean? It was shaky at the start. He's like, yeah, pretty shaky. Yeah, I reckon it's going to be... I didn't think it was. I thought it was fine. You got given a hospital pass with Scandal at like 6.30.

You didn't know you had. Like that was... I'd love to be a fly on the wall when Adrian gets home this afternoon. Yeah, because he's very honest with me. Yeah. He'll always ask first. Do you want feedback? He'll say that.

Some does offer yes and some doesn't. Bung a recorder on. That would be funny. Here you go, do you want to hear the honest feedback from the boss? Oh, the stories I could tell on the ice cream. Alright guys, love you. See you later. Bye.