The Edge Breakfast - ONLY FANS Just a finger

Episode Date: June 27, 2025

This is a podcast from Rover. Not your mum's podcast, unless she's into absolute filth. In which case, respect. This is Clint, Meg and Dan's OnlyFans. Podcast, that is. Hello, welcome to OnlyFans. This is the last one I'll be doing until November. Meg.

Yeah, Dan. I just wanted to, before we get into the OnlyFans, I just wanted to say something really sincere about you. Oh fuck, here we go. You would have to be one of the most... What, pathetic? Stupid? Fat?

Stinky? Lazy? And lovely people I've ever worked with. I'll be a fucking slob. Took the words right out of my mouth. Oh, you're against the law. Took the words right out of my mouth. No, no, I think it's, I'm genuinely, and I'm going to say this because only our real friends listen to this podcast. You know, you guys, the podcast fan, I'm really, really nervous about you going because I've never done it. This is the only show I've ever known in terms of being an announcer.

True. You know, I've done the drive show I've ever known in terms of being an announcer true. You know I've done The drive show and stuff, but I was really technically a producer there, so I've never really known Doing a radio show without you, and I really I do take a lot of my successes. Thanks to you and and I Don't know how I'm gonna go without I'm nervous in the other way dad. I'm nervous that Because I've been your only girl. Mmm in a proper show yeah it's like being your girlfriend and then you're my boyfriend I'm your girlfriend I'm your first girlfriend you're like oh my god couldn't get any better then you get a second

girlfriend after we break up. Yeah she's got better tits. Yeah you're like fucking hell she was a nightmare! She was terrible! She was always late, she was always distracted. Yeah, I would, come on in, Callie. We're just waiting for Callie's arrival now. And I'm really nervous about that, like genuinely scared that you'd be like, oh, fuck me, shit! Because you've known nothing else,

I would love it if you'd worked with other people, like with Nixon, when Nixon said really great things about me, Nixon's worked with many, many, many women in radio. And it was a real compliment because when he said he loved working with me, I was really pleased because he knows what it's like to work with other people. Whereas, Dan, you don't. No, I don't. So you might be like, Jesus. Well, I mean, I've worked with Sharon and I've worked with, you know, with Steph and like, I've done shows with people,

but never kind of like a full on relationship, you know? We know everything about each other. There's nothing Meg doesn't know about me. Everything about each other. This is a really exciting OnlyFans as well because this is the one that Dan has told me I'm allowed five minutes to do anything I want with you. I'm very excited about that.

Yeah, Cal's here now as well. You've just been going for a poo. Yeah. Do you wanna see a photo? No. Thank you, no thank you. I have to take photos of my poo at the moment. Yes, because you here now as well. You've just been going for a poo. Yeah! Do you want to see a photo? No, thank you. No, thank you. I have to take photos of my poo at the moment. Yes, because you're unwell. So, if you missed the actual show podcast, what I have chosen?

Hmm, this makes me nervous, but I have to do it because I said, Meg, you've got free reign of me for five minutes, five minutes. I brought in a vivid. I don't like that one. I'm just going to do a little... I'm going away today as well. like I'm not gonna have any time to watch. Oh god I'm meeting a nanny!

We're interviewing a nanny after this. Oh wow. Don't do a cock and balls. I won't do a cock and balls, I promise. What about a really short mustache just above the lips? Fucking hell, I'm going straight home right now to interview a nanny that we're looking for. And it's like even if you wipe it off it's like this, it's kind of like a purple hue,

you know? Like it's... Okay so I'm brought up by, it's like this, it's kind of like a purple hue, you know? Like it's... Okay, so I brought up my vivid, I'm going to draw a little something on your face. Okay. Don't do a Hitler mustache because when I open the door and I go, hi! And then one of the funniest things Dan has ever done, when I first was getting to know him, we went on a trip together and he did a little role play between Mike Hoskin and

Michael Caine making love. And I honest to God wet myself and I fell in love with Dan so I want you to experience that because I don't think he's ever done it on air and Linda might pop up as well. The problem is I don't think that it's gonna be as good as that day because it was just in the moment, you know, and I haven't had prepped anything. This is literally off the top. I don't think you prepped. I don't believe you prepped. Just show off. Alright, let me get my vermin out. Come on. Oh god, are we doing this first, are we? Oh my god. This is literally off the top. I don't think you prepped. I don't believe you prepped this. Just show off. No.

Alright, let me get my vuvud out. Come on. Oh god, are we doing this first, are we? Oh my god. No, the problem isn't- Okay, I'll describe what she's drawing as well. Do you have any idea of what you want to draw? You're just going to go in and-

Okay, no idea. Just colour his entire face in. Okay. That's terrible actually. You can't do that. Your vuvud's here. Next to the thing. God, I'm good to you.

I could have been like, where's it gone? Uh oh. Yeah. Oh wow. Here she comes. Well we're starting off clearly with glasses because of Stanley Tucci. Fuck we're going deep. Oh fuck. Oh my god. Oh no.

It's really going on there. Oh they're big glasses. Oh jeez they're big glasses. Fuck me. Oh no. Jesus. Okay you know when I did Stanley Tucci prank it was with whiteboard marker. You know that right? Yeah. Well now you do was with whiteboard marker. You know that right? Yeah. Well now you do.

Me is already crying from laughing. Oh and the other... Oh don't colour! Just do a line. That's my one thing. Okay here we go. This is outrageous. Oh wow it's really on there.

Okay that's enough. Oh it's in the hair as well now. No, don't color in my fucking eyebrows. Because then I would look like, no, just... Oh, Dan. You've done enough. The deal was she can do whatever she wants for five minutes. That's so thick that I can see them.

I can see, like, they're not even real glasses and I can see them. In the peripherals. One last thing, one last thing. Okay. What? Are you drawing a swastika on my head? Oh my god. Fucking hell.

She's made me Harry Potter. Turn around and look at me, Dan. Fuck, yeah, that's... Wow. You know what? I think... And now I have to be Michael Caine and Mike Hosking. Yeah. Makes no sense, but that's my kind of humour, I guess. There you go.

There you go, sweet. Good from you, Meg. You could have done a lot... You could have made it a lot worse for her. I could have. that was kind. That was kind from you, you are a kind person. I am such a kind person. Such a kind person. How do you feel Dan?

Shit. Like an idiot. Like an idiot, because I didn't know. Yeah. So what I need for you for the next bit of Meg's dream, she's got three minutes left to do, five minutes, is Mike Hosking chatting to Michael Caine. Yeah, with Linda Campopper and if you feel the need, call the one. Okay, here we go, I'm ready.

Okay, so Cal, can you get a news bed like it's on News Talk ZB? Because I'm going to have Mike Hosking interviewing him. Okay. Interviewing, is it starting now? Just talk amongst yourselves for a second. I've literally not prepared anything here, so I think it's going to be fucking like shocker. Okay, I got one. I was gonna say it I know you got a Bismill or? A Bismill, that's what I was gonna say

Here we go News Talks, it's 27 past 8. He's one of my favorite actors and he joins me on the line on the fuck in the studio Right now, let's start again Okay Here we go. You got an idea? You know yeah I know what I'm doing click click what's your name very well here we go hit the drums you saw as it be Friday morning it's 27 per state my name is Mike Hosking it's the Mike Hosking breakfast he joins me in the studio my favorite actor of all

time you've seen the movies like Batman. Michael Caine, welcome to New Zealand. Hello, hello Michael. It's such a brilliant time to be here. I must say I'm just, it's a privilege. I've heard so much about your show and it's really good to be in New Zealand. I must say very attractive man you are, my old Thank you very much. It's um, it's been it's just a joy and a dream for me to interview you Michael Caine now come over here. Would you come over and sit on my name? Excuse Excuse me, boy. What do you mean?

I'm here for an interview. Aren't you supposed to blow the bloody interview off? The thing is, Michael, I've had a bit of a crush on you since I was just a wee boy. And now you're in the studio, I just thought you sitting on my knee would bring everything back together and I can finish. I mean, finish my career. Finish my career. So come over here.

Hello, my darling. Just thought I'd let you know I'm here to watch. So I'll just be sitting in the corner. And fuck I have not prepared this. It's going great. I'm happy with it. Okay I'm just going to walk around to see you bite. Okay we're coming over.

Now just sit up on my knee there if you can. Just sort of and off we go He's old. Michael Caine. Yeah, bad news. Ooh. Bleh. Eh. Ooh.

He's so stupid. So stupid. Eh. Ooh. Oh Happy days News talks it be thank you very much Fuck me now. No, I tell you what you guys very lucky to have gotten that because I got the r18 version It was much worse than that when it had a few drinks I don't remember it. I don't remember a single moment of doing the one that I did to be

No one pulled out their phone in the moment while it was happening? Very, no honestly it was so I was in my undies humping I think, I remember I took my pants off Yeah it was a sort of, I don't, nobody, I think we didn't want to because we didn't want it to stop You know when people get scared. Oh, I'm very pleased with that. Thank you, Jan. That's given me quite a joy. Brilliant off the cuff. The only one that would actually know would be Linda, who was in the room with them.

Linda was there. She's the only one that saw anything. Do you want to chat to her? Yeah, please. Linda, come here. Hello, my darlings. What do you want to know? I've missed you, Linda. We haven't had Linda in ages. What do you want me to, ask me anything?

Well, give me a prediction. I think you're going to have a birth. Yep, okay, that's why. It's going to happen. Well, I know it's been touch and go. It's going to happen. Yeah, true, okay, good. It's going to fucking hurt.

Jeez Linda. Yeah, it's going to be really painful, darling. Have you given birth before Linda? No, I've never given, I've never had kids. Never had kids. That's all mush down there, those are no half of us. It's a higgledy-piggledy mess. Yeah.

After I had sex with Clint Randall. It's like Scrabble down there, but a bad game of it. Nobody can read anything. The only word I can read down there is Holly Honganore. My goodness. That must be quite like... Can I tell you a little bit about the baby? Please. Oh my goodness, Linda. Yeah. Anyway. That must be quite like... Yeah. And you're gonna give...

Can I tell you a little bit about the baby? Yeah, please. He's going to be a small Asian boy. Fuck. Well, that's gonna be a real shock, I tell you that, Linda, if that comes true. Yeah, it sort of will be for Guy especially. I think he's Vietnamese isn't he? I love Vietnamese Food?

Yes They make good salad. You know the green papaya? No, I've never bought a salad in my fucking life Yes, it looks like a to you big blotchy cunt Yeah Linda that's enough Nice to see you darling Try and sober up sweetheart I'll see you in November See you in, try and sober up sweetheart. I'll see you in November. See you in November, sweetie. Bye.

See you later. Bye bye darling. Oh God. Sorry about that, Cal. She is quite the... Sorry, it's all right. She's a bit right. You know what, I've actually lost weight, so.

I don't believe it. Yeah. And I still eat shit. That's because... Don't listen to her, she's a horrible woman. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well Dan, best of luck trying to get that vivid off your face. I know that's gonna be wow.

You know what's really good actually? Hand sanitizer. Oh I forget to. Not even kidding, it doesn't work. Don't get anywhere either. Just try it. I promise it's right around my eyes. We'll try it around like the bottom part. And see if it works. Cool, good tips, thank you. Thank you everybody for your support and texts and stuff. I'll still probably be chatting a little bit on the Edge Breakfast Podcast fan page. Last time, those people were actually the first to see photos of the baby. So, yeah, I'll keep you up to date there.

Have the best time with Ash. I'm not even worried. I'm worried for me also. And I'll catch you in November. Love you. I'm worried for you. No, I'm not actually. Bye. Love you. Miss you. I'm worried. No, I'm not actually. Bye. Bye. Bye. Rova.

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