The Edge Breakfast - ONLY FANS Quick excuses...

Episode Date: April 8, 2025

This is a podcast from Rover. Dumb chat. Bad decisions. Zero shame. If that sounds like your vibe, you're in the right place. This is Clint, Meg and Dan's OnlyFans. Podcast, that is. Hey everyone, welcome along to the OnlyFans podcast. It sits alongside our show recap podcast with Clint, Meg and Dan. Yeah, it's like the Kath of Kath and Kim, this one.

You know, like the OnlyFans. It's like the Tweedledum to the Tweedledee. I've never watched Kath and Kim, so I don't really get the reference. Clint's never seen it, Meg. Never seen Kath and Kim. You with us? Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm just focusing on making sure I've got this Reddit story for you guys.

He's got a Reddit story. Yeah, I teased it. Remember? We talked about it. But yes, the fact that you haven't seen Kath and Kim is outrageous. Just before we crack into it, I've got one dedication to make, and this is one of the very few double-ups we've ever had. Oh, Dan's playing favourites.

Cindy Nelson, this is going out to you. This podcast is dedicated to you. You've had a podcast dedication before. Now, the reason you're getting another one is because she's just this minute, it's almost meant to be, in the last 30 seconds, she has left a comment on the Edge Breakfast podcast fam. You can text fam to become

a member. She said, I could swear the Dem Apples intro guy is Dan on a voice disguiser. The intro guy has the same sense of humour, spoken cadence. Am I the only one who thinks that? I'd imagine you would be.

Yeah, well, I do wish we could work with him. I actually think he's funnier than Dan, the guy that does voices those. I don't even know what his name is. I think his name's Andy and he works upstairs. I've met him a couple of times. Yeah. What's he like?

You're a bit funnier. Is he? Yeah, but I think he works in sales, so he gets all the money that way. I don't know if he could work on a station like The Edge being an older guy. He's attractive funnier. Is he? Yeah, but I think he works in, like, sales, so he gets all the money that way. I don't know if he could, you know, work on a station like The Edge being an older guy. He's attractive, though. Is he?

Oh, that's another point to his name. It's like a Clint. Old and attractive. Yes, that's true. I am still in my 30s. Hey, um... Just. Do you have...

How many more months before you can... Or days? Give these days away. They're slowly slipping away. Do you know Last time I was at Spark Arena I didn't tell you guys this I went to go buy a drink

And my daughter went to the bathroom And I was like I'll get a vodka Red Bull She poured in She goes ID And she goes Do you have ID?

And then the guy Because he was obviously new He jumps in He goes No no he's fine He tapped her on the shoulder And goes he's fine I was like

Bro if she wants my ID, let her see it. Let me live. Yeah. Well, there you go. So that was nice. It's always nice to remember the last time you were asked for ID, and mine was last week at Dua Lipa. I got asked for ID the other day as well,

but I got pulled over actually by a police officer. Oh, that doesn't count. And he asked for ID. I was like, oh, please. Oh, mate, I'm actually over 25. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. Thank you.

Actually, I never got to hear the How You Like Dem Apples intro yesterday. Oh, it was goody. Should I play it? Yeah, if you would like to. We could play a little bit of it, but I mean it's... For those that missed it? If you've never heard the guy, this is what Cindy thinks is me. An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

An age-old saying that for the most part has served me very well. I sometimes have two apples a day and I haven't been to the doctor in 17 years. I probably should though because I've got hemorrhoids and a sore knee and I'm getting those headaches that cause me to slur my speech and then black out. Anyway, back to apples. There are over 15,000 types of apple on the planet, and three people have set out to try and find the best one. The leader of the group is shrouded in rumor. Everybody knows a specific part of him is very large. I've seen it firsthand, and I tell you what, it's hard to fathom.

Anyway, enough about his ego. His name. Dan Wibby. Then there's the woman of the group. Stunning. Gorgeous. One of the most attractive people I've... Hey, I'll stop you there.

You probably can't really comment on a woman's looks because we don't want another HR complaint. Oh, right. Yeah. Okay, well, it's just I've always thought she's just stunningly beautiful. Yeah, we know that, but we still can't, like, comment on looks, like, you know, even if you're saying how beautiful she is. Oh, okay.

Hmm, 2025, things have changed, eh? Oh, well, she's bloody ugly then. Absolute trough monster. Minga, her name. Meg, Meg. And finally, no risk of an HR complaint with this one. He looks like a slapped arse. His name?

Clint Randall. Let's get on with it. I'm getting one of those headaches again. This is causing me to slur my words. Welcome along. How do you

like this episode? I think this is more of a stroke. Mickey, look at the disdain in her eyes. Yeah. Yeah. But you said you liked him and he's saying that shit about you. Well, he was saying nice things. And then, you know, Carl shut him down.

Oh, so you're blaming Carl. Oh, absolutely. And I did. I did. Afterwards, he was saying nice things, and then, you know, Carl shut him down. Oh, so you're blaming Carl. Oh, absolutely, and I did. Afterwards, we had to talk. But I'd argue that it was his words and his words. Anyway. So that's the guy they think is you, Dan? Not me. Okay. Not me. I would never say anything like that about Meg.

Bullshit. Yeah, he would never say I was attractive. That's how you know it's me. Aww! Actually Actually you do use The word trough monster More than anyone else I've never heard I've never heard me say When has he said trough monster

I've never said trough monster Is it about me behind my back Yeah Because I've never heard him say that When Andy and I hang out I've never in my life He says it a bit Yeah

No no no no I've never said trough monster Taniwha Right Okay So Meg has a Reddit story Reddit story to bring to our attention For the podcast Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. I've never said trot monster. Tanifa. Right. Okay, so Meg has a Reddit story to bring to our attention for the podcast this morning. I'd like to know your thoughts on this, boys. And the conclusion that the husband came to is maybe different to the conclusion I would have come to.

Here we go. This happened last night, was at a get-together with my wife, her friends, celebrating the host's birthday. His wife and my wife have been friends for years and teach each other. She has an Alexa screen and realised it was giving them updates on orders, including contents. Not wanting to ruin Christmas surprises for the kids and asked if I knew how to fix it. I told her I did. This is all irrelevant information. But anyway, he took her phone to turn off the shipping notifications because the wife's friend was worried that they were going to pop up with spoilers of the gifts.

While I had her phone, a message notification popped up with the header, and it was his wife's name, Swallows. So it'd be like Meg Swallows. Yeah, Meg Swallows. Right. Right. My wife's friend's next to me, so I didn't open the thread and start snooping,

but I was very concerned. I decided that either, number one, my wife's friend actually hates her and has a mean girl style and is making a fake name about my wife, or my wife's in a group and has done something girl style and is making a fake name about my wife. Or my wife's in a group and has done something to gain said title, which I'm guessing she's never done with him. He was very upset about this. I managed not to say anything and just focused on having a couple of beers and watching the

NFL game. I'm thinking, well, yeah, she does occasionally, but sex life isn't that noteworthy. It's not going to get her the nickname. Is she cheating on me? You know, I guess if you saw like Hannah Swallows in the girls' group chat, would you be concerned or would you be like, yes, she does? I wouldn't. I would go, is that it?

No. We get home and she starts bathing my daughter. I ask for her phone. She gives it to me, no problem. And I open the messaging app. I see the group chat is bathing my daughter. I ask for her phone. She gives it to me, no problem, and I open the messaging app. I see the group chat is called Swallows. I ask her why it's called that. Apparently it's an inside joke about where one of them saw a bat in the backyard,

but then they figured out they were swallow birds. I didn't realize that the group chat is the name that comes up, not the sender's group name. Oh, so it would be like Meg, and then the group chat name was Swallows. So it comes up Meg Swallows. Yeah, that's what he thinks. But I think her reasoning was quick thinking. No, that's too quick.

But are you saying that's what she said as a defence, or he worked it out when he opened up the chat? That's what she said as a defence. That they're all, oh, Carl's got Swallows tattooed on his hand. Yeah, I got tattoos like Swallows or Swallows. My husband has Swallows tattooed on his hand. Yeah, I got tattoos, like, swallows. My husband has swallows tattooed on him. Not the word swallows, like a picture of a swallow. I think if it meant me swallow, I don't think it was a joke about bats.

I don't. Well, bats, and they thought they were bats, but they were actually swallow birds. Yeah, and so they named the whole group chat Swallows. I think she's just got a funny little group chat name with her girlfriends, like all group chats normally do. They have funny little group names

and he's just not the kind of person that would get it. Maybe there's six of the girls in the group chat and they realise they all Swallow. So they just call themselves the Swallows. I don't think that's an excuse. I think that's legit reasoning. No one comes up with that sort of excuse that quick. I think I could lie that quickly.

No, you couldn't. Okay, I'm going to give you a scenario. Meg's got a dirty nickname. Okay. Okay, I'm going to come up to you and accuse you of something. And you can come up with a plausible thing. I've got one. Have you got one, Dan?

You give Meg one each. You go first. Okay, he comes up in the group chat. Hey, babe. Okay, so I'm washing days. Yeah, and he goes, hey, babe, I just noticed your name pinged up on your girlfriend's phone. It says Meg Anal. Oh, God.

Yeah, why? Yeah, so wondering why. I just wanted to know. Because I was really anal about when we went out for dinner the other night, and I said I didn't want to split with the group. So your whole name in the group chat was Meg Anal? Yeah, because I didn't want to split it with everybody Because of the cost

And they said I was being really anal about it Because everyone was just happy to split And so it's a new nickname What? Yeah, just from when we went out last weekend Anyway can you grab the slide Wait what are you doing here I'm sorry do I have two husbands I'm your husband as well

Let's not get into we're in a throuple You always forget we're in a throuple. Come on, Meg. You always forget about old ugly boy here. Just because you're having your Shaggy and Clint, the hot guy. Spades Daisy. Okay, so we've sorted that. I've finished dinner, by the way, so dinner's ready.

But I also am in part of a group chat where it says that Meg cheating on her husband. Yeah, what do you mean? That's just a dumb name. Yeah, but why have they thought that? They haven't thought that. Well, it says here, I'll show you, me cheating on her husband. Well, it also says Sarah's a trough monster

with an ugly face, and that's not true. No, Sarah is ugly. No, she isn't. She is. She's a fucking nigger. Have you seen her? Jesus Christ. A nose like a pig and teeth.

I could drive a bus through some of the gaps in her teeth, but I mean, you should not be cheating on me. I'm not cheating on you. It's probably related to that time. Come over here, hubby. Do you know anything about this? I think it's got something to do with the anal stuff. It's got nothing to do with the anal stuff. I'm very tight with money at the moment,

as you know, and me cheating on you... Not tight with your anus, though, are you? If I have to be honest, if I have to be honest, Daniel, it's that I am cheating in a way. I did spend more money than I was meant to in our budget. Oh, so now you've changed your story. No, well, I'm saying that would be the only thing

that I've cheated you on. I'm starting to worry she is doing anal behind your back. And yours. And mine, but I said, don't worry, I'm a bit of a cuck anyway. Can I admit to you, I was watching the guy fuck her. Yeah, he wasn't.

Nothing to do with it. Nothing to do with it. Should we start again? Maybe you are good. You know, with the anal, I think that would have passed. That one, I brought your story there. I mean, obviously, it's very hard to do when you're actually called out as an ex-cheating on her part. That's a hard one. Because you're right, I guess.'s very hard to do when you're actually called out as Meg's cheating on her part. That's a hard one.

Because you're right, I guess you would think of a funny name that sounds like it's worse than it actually is if you were going to give someone a nickname. So we'll put it down as Meg Anal because she hates splitting the bill. Yeah. And it looks funny. Meg Anal, yeah. Rather than Meg hates splitting the bill, not as funny. Maybe it's a girl thing.

I don't think guys are as good at coming up with quick on the spot excuses. We did a bit last week about the funniest lies. Although they weren't good at it. They're terrible. Terrible lies. Terrible. Like the worst lies your ex ever told you. Try one on Clint and I.

Give us a scenario. I will. Let's see. And try and do your best. Okay. Okay. Okay. We'll be separate.

Is it a name that we are in a group chat? It's your name in a group chat. No, I think it could be anything. You could now open it up to any, you could accuse Clint or I of anything. Okay. Clint, hey, can we just chat for a sec? Yeah.

I've seen that in your, I saw your notifications pop up and your nickname in the boys' chat is Clint's mistresses. Oh, yeah. He's cheating. He's cheating. He's cheating. He's cheating He's cheating He's cheating It's funny

It's funny What's the question? So why are you called Clint's mistresses? Oh we play this You wouldn't understand it Because it's a cartoon But it's called a trisses

Trisses Oh he's bad You've got to hit it And I never hit it. And I never hit it, so I always miss the trisses. He's chatting about your trisses. They call me good mistresses because I always miss the trisses. Anyway, it's a God thing.

You wouldn't get it? See, I think we're right. I think we're onto something. I think we've seen enough. No, no. We've seen enough. Let me try with you. Okay.

Don't do a group chat one. Open it out to something even more. Because it's an excuse can be friendly. Dan, I saw your phone. Hello, darling. Let's say hello first. I saw a text from Amelia saying, when can I see you again? Who's Amelia?

Amelia is one of my workmates. We're actually catching up. We're working on a big project at the moment, Meg. What project? The project to do with the bridge. Are you working right here? Oh, you didn't tell me the full excuse. I could have been a bridge builder.

Why is this backstory coming to nowhere? I'm sleeping behind your back. You need to build a bridge and get over it. Maybe you need to build it for us. I'll see it worked out. Okay, Dan. Hey, Dan. I thought I'd do a nice thing. Hold on. Where am I working?

I need to know. You're in your life. Okay. I thought it'd be nice. I'm your wife. I thought it'd be nice to surprise you and clean your car for Father's Day. Thanks, babe. And I found a pair of red knickers in the back seat.

They're mine. What? So. Yeah. Yeah. Can we sit down because I've got something to tell you. Oh, fuck, he's getting dirty. I dressed up as a woman.

What? I was hoping you were having sex with someone else. No, me. Because you don't want to cheat. Obviously, they're skies. You could have said that before, but on ear. Carl's doing a prank. Fuck, I was thinking I was the bridge guy.

As part of building this latest bridge we're doing, we can't wear clothes because they get caught on beams. So we all have to be on the land, have to wear G-bangers up there. And so, yeah, I'm dressing as a woman. Right. Okay. I think the point has probably been proven. Do you know that's actually a thing I've seen on TikTok

where guys will go around and they'll be, like, trying to spice up my mate's life. And they just have women's undies and they just open the door and just throw them in the back, like down near the footwell and shut the door because then eventually someone will find it and go who the hell are these

and he'll genuinely be like I have no idea who those are and it's just mates pranking their mates with women's underwear. Do you know I found one time my wife Hannah

had a pair of underwear in the back of her car that weren't mine. We talked about this on air. What happened with them? It was because she helped your friends in the flood.

I remember her life. That's right. She helped your friends in the flood. I remember her life. That's right. She helped her friends in the flood, and she did their laundry for them, and a pair of undies dropped in the back. But she's a woman. Yeah, now you know how good we are at laundry. Got her excuses.

Shit, Zach, that was really quickly. And we were like, oh, that makes sense. It was flooding, and maybe she did laundry. Yeah, okay. Okay. Again, yeah, they've got good excuses. Ours are a bit shit. Anyway, just remember that this podcast is going out to Cindy.

Cindy. Yeah, love you to bits, Cindy, and thank you very much for listening to the show. I feel like, you know what? There's been worse podcasts than this one. Are we going to just rate them at the end of every one now? No, no, no. I'm just saying that, you know, some people will be like,

God, I had that podcast, you know, that was dedicated to me. I think Cindy, you've had a middle of the road. I would say middle of the road. Yeah, well, she's had two. Send us out with your catchphrase, Dan. Stinky little bird. Thank you.