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This is a podcast from Rover
Dumb chat, bad decisions, zero shame
If that sounds like your vibe, you're in the right place
This is Clint Megan Dan's Onlyfans
Podcast that is
Hey everyone, welcome along to OnlyFans
A podcast that sits alongside our show Recap podcast
With Clint, Dan and Ashlandin
Yo, what's up? I'm about to order some Uber Eats for breakfast
Because I'm so...
Oh, is that one of those days?
Yeah, I'm starving, but I'm not already naughty today. I'm watering healthy.
I was going to call you a little.
little skank.
Yeah.
But that's not the
great use of the term.
No,
because that's what she uses.
She's like,
I'm going to be a skank today
and get naughty.
But what are you getting?
I'll do it after.
Well, something healthy-ish,
but like,
it needs to be feeling.
You know, she'll always do this thing
where she'll go,
I'm going to order it and I'll be like,
no, I shouldn't.
And then the little naughty,
like, you know, that little man
that sits inside you?
No, the man that's inside you?
The little man, you know,
how everybody's got a little man.
You know, the devil on the shoulder?
Yeah, that guy.
Is he inside you?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, you've got a man inside you too.
He's a bit of a bigger man.
Well, we often like to check if Best Ugly is doing two-for-one bagels and they're not
because we can't afford them unless they're two-for-one.
Well, I get like avocado and tomato and cracked a pepper on mine.
I don't get like cheese and, you know, animal.
Speaking of animal, how are you doing after what we thought was just a funny moment?
And then I've realized that you were actually there.
You know, it's hard and ready because you're like, are you hamming it up to be funny?
Or are we now at that point
We were laughing and realised
Ooh, awkward, Ash had her hand in animal feces
Rino poo
Yeah, for a promo
Trying to find the credit card to pay for someone's bill
And you didn't realise the whole time
You were sloshing around inside it
Because you had a blindfold on
Well at first I thought there's no way
They would do this to me
It's probably wheat picks or something
But then the smell hit me
And I realised this is shit
And then I was trying
I was so aware that I was making bad radio
Because A, I couldn't find the credit card
And I couldn't find it
and B, I was about to have a panic attack
and I was like, I just need to find this
fucking card so that we can end
the segment. And you know what? A peek behind
the curtain, we never found it. I
pretended that I had found it so we could end
the segment, give the chicker money and I
could be on my way. I then had to get palm olive
and the dish scrubber to describe my hands
then wash them and then put
antibacterial. I could still smell
it smelled like the zoo.
Which I would say the zoo's got a lovely smell.
Also, did you ever go back and grab the
dish? I'd have forgotten
to do that.
Oh, so some people
washing their dishes out there
with rhino shit all over it.
No, no, no, I'm not saying it was
lots of, it was, no, no, no.
By the time I used the scrubber,
it was, I'd already
washed my hands like 10 times.
Right.
It was just that I had it under my nails.
Yeah, but would you like me to use your scrubber
to get the feces from under my nails?
Why have you got feces under your nose?
What sort of feces is yours?
She had rhino poo over.
What's yours?
The favourite part for me is when I went all silent
and Ash was like, no, honestly,
what is that?
What is that?
and you could hear a pin drop
and you'd be in this car
just going
it's shit
I would hear it
it goes
no what is it
and Carl goes
and shit
like yeah
like he said it three times
and you can be like
no but what is it
and Carl just be like
shit
this is a text I sent
our boss
slash my husband
that was absolutely
fucking gross
and I nearly had a panic attack
and I couldn't even find
the fucking credit card
despite being elbow deep in shit
and he wrote back
good work babe
Good work, Mike, because producer-go-in-law and his defense,
signed it off with your husband beforehand.
I did it yesterday because I, like, had the idea,
and then I'd text him, and I said,
I'm not sure if I'm texting my boss right now
or the husband of the person that I'm going to do this to,
but what do you think?
And yeah, just text back.
Ha-ha-ha, love it.
How did you feel about your wife fossinging around him some shit?
Did you check off whether it's like,
did you check off, like, Google at least,
whether it's healthy to touch the poo?
I googled it, and you don't want to know.
Okay, so this whole zoo poo thing
Like is a story
Because people go to the zoo
They get the feces and they take it
They put it all over their gardens and stuff
And the rhinos look bloody healthy at the zoo
And that'd be given the best types of food
There's a big fight between zoo pool
And the Auckland Zoo at the moment
Because they've ended their contract
Funnily enough like
And that's what gave me the idea
In fact there was you that sent through the story
On Sunday saying hey we should do something with this
This week and then my brain just went
Ping
Yeah, the charity's been selling animal dung for 10 years
I've looked at an animal dung website, and one of the questions, the FAQs is,
can I touch the animal feces?
And the answer is, you must avoid at all costs, coming into contact with any type of animal feces on your hands, skin or face.
Don't.
Avoid breathing it in, touching it.
No, no, no, damn, I'm serious.
You know that I will actually have another panic attack.
I think you're joking.
You can't be on FAQ's.
It's a diagnosed illness, though I have germophobia.
and I'm very phobic about getting sick.
So if I can't do the show anymore
and you're just without a female for the next two months,
sucked in fuckers.
I will say this.
Sucked in fuckers.
Sucked in fuckers.
Ash is angry at you?
I just can't believe Adrian okayed it.
I'm surprised they didn't look into the hazards.
That's what I'll say.
I mean, I'm not trying to undermine your honest feelings
because that's your reality and those are your feelings.
It'll be fine.
Isn't it one of those things like
the chances of anything bad happening
It's so low
No
I'm looking at me
I'm breaking out in a rash now
Stressor
I'm not
Another thing
It says it's all good
Now I'm freaking out again
Fuck this shit
It says
Oh no
It says touch away
This one
It's like the more pieces
You touch the better
This one
It must be so debilitating
though
Like I'm laughing
It's a scenario
Because it's awkward
And maybe it's funny
Because you like
laugh it off
But I genuinely
Like
Am
sorry for the fact
that you actually go through something that is
so crippling
and I literally have zero care
about this thing that is like the biggest part
of your day to day life
it's got to be awful. I'm thinking if germs getting sick
have I washed that? Do I need to wash my hands
again? Is buddy going to get sick? If I go
there, we'll get sick. You can't just get infected by touching poop as long as
you've washed your hands after any contact
you will be fine generally. Don't just make shit up Dan to make you feel
better. It's there.
Okay.
Highlighted.
But so there's got to be, is there no...
I can be medicated, yes.
My psychologist, I've been referred to a psychiatrist,
but I don't want to be medicated.
I even spoke to a cannabis doctor
about taking medicinal cannabis,
but I can't because of family history.
So I do a lot of therapy,
and I'm starting to do, like, exposure therapy,
so, like, put myself in situations where,
yeah, but this is way too far.
Oh, okay, this is like a skier to hide,
and they go, let's go skydiving.
It would be like, go, go.
to the zoo, because when I go to the zoo
at the moment, and I go like once a week with my
son, I would probably put
antibacterial on my hands like 20 times per visit.
Oh my God. But that can't be
good for you, can it? No. On your skin.
It's alcohol. It's not good for your skin.
In my mind, I'm like, well, it's better than a disease.
Do you know what rhino poo's called? I've found it a lot
about rhino poo. Middens.
Did not know that.
Yeah.
Wow, but that's like proper awful, because we're like
joking around, but it's like, where did it start?
I think
I've always had a funny thing about being sick growing up,
but it was like manageable.
And then COVID happened with all the social distancing.
So it wasn't too bad then, but that's what took off.
That made it go crazy because for me it's like we don't know the long-time effects.
And then I was becoming a mother and I was like, well, my son.
So I get really funny about him getting sick.
And I'm always so anal about what he eats.
And I'm trying my hardest not to rub it off on him because I want him to feel safe in the world,
which I do not ever feel safe in the world.
That's awful.
It sucks.
So I have a lot of empathy now for anyone who's got, like,
because it is a mental condition, really.
Yeah, it has me.
Yeah, it started off as, like, we called it a health anxiety,
but just recently we've kind of gone,
well, I think it's actually getting to a phobia now,
which is so shit.
Like, I daydream about, like, a world where everyone just wears a mask
and doesn't touch each other, which is so bad
because you know me.
I'm a very, like, people person.
But I've stopped even liking, hanging out in big groups.
We should never have given you the poo one.
No, I just can't believe they dream.
The thing is, so I'm understanding this, right?
And so then if we were to do a challenge like that,
but actually, no, I'm realizing how intense Ashes, phobia is.
But your husband knows that.
That's why I'm like, I don't want to be angry at him.
And maybe he's very busy at the moment.
And maybe he's like, oh, it'll,
maybe there is a little part about, like, the fact that if I hate spiders
and there's spiders in box, you're going to give it to me,
because you're going to get the best reaction.
I would never do that.
Put that down, I had spiders from me.
If I knew you had an actual phobia of spiders,
there's no world in which I would ever expose to spiders.
Because I know that if that was me, I would be so devastated.
Well, that is not being my radio journey to this point.
It's always being like, what's the thing they're most scared off?
Cool, well, that's what we'll get there.
Like, literally is what I've been surrounded by for the last decade.
Like in Australia, they wanted me to go and I'm a celebrity, get me out of here.
And they were like, what are you scared of?
And I was like, literally everything.
Like, everything you could possibly have on the list,
just draw a line through it all
because I'm scared of it all.
Don't tell them that.
That's when you show your weakness.
You go, I was never going to do the show.
Producer Carl.
Were you, Clint, were you on the show
when I stupidly said that one of my biggest fears is bugs?
And so a couple of weeks after that,
it kind of came out of nowhere one morning,
but I was put in, you know, those dog collar cone of shames?
Yeah.
And then they filled it up with locusts.
And I had to try and survive a minute with that.
And I actually blacked out a little bit.
Flappy stuff's yuck.
That's my one thing where I'm like,
Anything flappy around my face?
No deal.
You know, like a little butterfly.
Anything?
Anything.
Honestly, like, if it's fluttering in my face,
I'm done.
You are just talking.
You are just, you are such.
No exceptions.
There's no way that that is the real language that you're going to,
he doesn't want, flapping and fluttering on his face.
What do you mean?
You're making vagina jokes and you're pretending that you're not.
Now that is sad that you've even gone to that.
Now he's pretending that he didn't say.
I am not.
I am not.
My Dan is definitely.
not scared of a vagina.
Amen, brother.
Brother.
Let's talk about it.
Come on.
Sit on my face, bitch.
That's degrading to women, which I hate.
That's his nickname at home, fanny face.
His wife's calling him fanny face, because...
That's a shame from both of you, really.
Oh, well, you showed you true colors.
I want to go and have a talk to my husband about.
Should I pretend I'm calling from HR?
Call him.
No, because he's going to see right through that.
He will love that as well because he'll think we're making jokes of it,
so then it's light.
and Ash is like, no, she doesn't want him to think of it's why.
She wants him to take this seriously.
Hello, it's David from HR.
He sounds like Sven from Sweden.
I think Adrian would know all the women and men that work at HR.
Okay, well, I won't do it then.
Yeah, I'd have no clue who works in HR.
I don't think we have an HR.
Is that good or bad?
Like, that I don't know that because I haven't had to go there.
But then I also...
Should we get Adrian on a mic to talk about the poo?
Or should I just go and...
Yeah, yeah.
I want to hear the domestic.
I don't, I know.
I'll put the top.
high line on and you just know you just go out
there and just talk to him frankly but don't
oh he knows now he's sorry darling
that was a better idea
and just have the actual frank argument
it will be pretty frank with each other
why don't we just pretend we were off
pretend the mics are off oh yeah
okay so he comes in we've just finished our thing
okay we'll just say
oh he's just rolled his eyes
he's having a bad morning I think we have
we have maybe chosen the wrong morning
This is good, this is good.
He's, I wish I had your problems.
I wish I had your one problem, Ash.
Do you know how much I would trade putting my hands and shit
for all the other things that I'm doing?
I'm already deep in metaphoric shit.
What about I doing here?
Nothing.
No, we're just for the shit.
But I, the shit was too far.
Did you know it was animal poo?
Be honest.
What's that?
No, it's not a bet.
I'm not a good bet.
Did you know it was real animal poo?
poo because they said that you signed off on it
and that is...
Who said that?
Carl.
Oh, dog and the boys.
Carl's face is giving a little...
I'll be honest.
I threw you squarely under their bus,
Sabina, do it again.
It was a...
It was a tub of sheet pellets and poo.
Yeah, but like pellets with a bit of water in it.
It was poo and my hand still smell of poo
and he googled it
and it said you should never touch it
so now I'm thinking like you're
absolutely spiraling and I started crying
no you're laughing but
the worst part is that
Dan's left
The worst part is that you're okayed it
and knowing that that is my nightmare
Yes
Is that what happened?
Yes and I'm spiraling
No I'm actually spiraling
I don't know if she's joking
Because what if I've got like...
You haven't.
Yeah, but you don't...
No one even Googled.
No one ever googled it.
I did.
I did.
Swear on honey's grave.
I swear to God, I googled it.
On honey's and dog's grave.
I swear to God I googled it.
I googled.
Is touching rhino poo okay?
And what did it say?
Or sheep poo.
I can't remember which one I googled.
It said something like, you know, if like you touch it too much, it can be dangerous.
But that was like, I was thinking in my head
I was like, oh, that's like farmers
who were like touching it all the time
and then they get it in like...
Yeah, but you know how much I stay spiral
and you've...
I'm just like, I'm just...
What do you need to make it even?
Well, nothing can make it even.
Well, no, there's something to make...
There are things where my life's in trouble
that she could definitely do to fix it.
No.
What's Dan doing my wife?
He's hiding behind the pot plank
because he's...
We don't.
What do you need to make it feel like it's fear?
If there was anything that could fix my phobia, I would have done it by now.
I thought this would might fix it.
No, it's too much exposure.
Now I am convinced I'm going to get some fucking disease,
and the doctor's going to be like, have you been exposed to fucking animal feces?
And I'm like, yeah, my husband okayed it.
No, I'm saying, not that AB needs to like touch feces to make it even.
I'm saying, is it flowers every Friday for four weeks?
That's a waste of money.
No, it's nothing, it's not about, like, it's just, it's done now,
and now I have to live with the spiraling is the issue.
Like, I have a mental condition.
That's the thing, like, you have to now live with me.
I won't be able to go to sleep, right?
I'll be fucking Googling it.
Get it, doing an acid bath or some shit.
I'm just saying.
Well, that sounds bad.
I know this is a way to do, with radio, whatever.
It was too far.
Okay.
Thank you.
Point taste.
Don't need it.
It was too far.
I apologize.
Thanks.
So what's going in the box tomorrow?
I don't fucking care because I'm definitely going to do that again.
Ash is out.
And the worst part is I knew it was bad radio the whole time because I couldn't.
That wasn't that bad.
It was not good.
It was sort of train crash radio.
Yes, I hate that.
And I was just like, I can't find it to the girl and the lion's going to hate me.
I'm back to have a panic attack.
I could feel like heat.
You know what?
It was real because I was like, oh, you sound like you're really hating this.
Yeah, you were really happy.
It was hell.
It was...
Yeah, you could have found the card
a bit faster.
That would have...
Even with that blind hold off...
You were quite a well ahead there, A.B.
And what you've done there is put yourself back behind.
I took it off, I still couldn't find it.
No, dear.
And Carl's like, just put it on the top.
No, you fucking did it.
Kyle doesn't talk like that in his defence.
He's walking away.
I'm pretending to fix the glass window.
I maintain that there was no credit card in there.
It's not a glazier.
All right.
Whoa.
I think we've all learned something.
That your marriage is over.
You ain't getting any today.
Yes.
All right.
Oh, wow.
We're all good now, though, aren't we?
Hey?
The things we do for radio.
I've got a stretch on my head, and I don't know how it happens.
It's moments like these.
What, babe?
I think you look really scared.
Yes.
How about it?
Get me just to go to here.
It's moments.
It's like these make you appreciate the hires that much more, I guess.
If only we had some hires from the show this morning.
Did you ingest it?
There's the whispering to the moment now, I think it's a serious now.
I just didn't know how you approved it.
Oh, babe.
Oh no.
Hey.
God damn!
I got to!
Did you think cry?
I was like, shit.
I'm stopping recording.
I think crying.
I think crying.
That was a long break.
Oh my god
I was like mics off now
I'm still really pissed off
But I did fake cry
I thought there was a point there
Where I was like
Is it still a prank or is this real?
Oh no the cry I was like
I was like fucking pulling mics down just then
Wow that's so amazing that you can do that
I didn't know but you've kind of showing your cards now
Because next time you cry
Aby's gonna be like is that a fake one
I think I could cry because I'm genuinely terrified
Now you can't trust any cry she has at home
I was able to think about how terrified I am
And the tears came
So it came from a real place
My wife's done that to me
And cut
And scene.
And see.
Lo, lo, lo, right.
Back to the loals, guys.
All righty.
All righty.
What will it be tomorrow?
Yep, good stuff.
Carl's written a great script.
We've voiced it.
We've voiced it.
We've voiced it.
Yeah.
That should come up well.
Yeah.
So that can be a great tease into tomorrow.
Yeah.
It feels like we're back to actual work meeting.
So we're going to rip this up.
Okay.
Bye, guys.
Rover.
Music, radio, podcasts.