The Edge Breakfast - ONLYFANS cradle his balls gently, but firmly.

Episode Date: May 25, 2025

This is a podcast from Rover. Buckle up, lower your standards and prepare to question everything. This is Clint Megan Dan's OnlyFans. Podcast that is. Kia ora everyone, welcome to the OnlyFans podcast. Good to see ya. Yeah, just before we get into it, I heard numbers spiked on Friday's podcast

and we're trying to work out what for. Guess the fart probably. Yeah, do you reckon that's what it is? Well, that was the only thing we did on Friday's podcast, Meg. Was there anything else we did? I can't remember. I just know it was something about onion bhaji. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, that's what Clint's fluff smell like. Anyway. I guess it's a bit of a strange one, because you see there, people are loving guess the fart, and so we need to lean in, or it's just a random anomaly that people have come into that show, and now we think we need to like lean in or it's just a random anomaly that people have come into that show. And now we think we need to do more content when actually they were like, what is this?

Gross. And now they're gone. I just want to dedicate this podcast quickly, Clint, to Amy Lowe, who wants an update on your fish tank. Amy Lowe is a member of the EJ Podcast fam. You can be a member too by texting the keyword fam to 3343 and we'll send you back a link. So turns out we don't have three babies. We have five babies. Yeah.

So how many in total fish do you have now? Well, we had eight and then we have five babies. So the math you think would be 13. 13. We have 12. Uh-huh. One of them's been eaten. Someone's been eaten.

Kevin was such a beautiful little guppy. Like he had a shimmery body, like it was like silver and blue. And then he had this beautiful orange and black, almost like a tiger striped tail. And he was just gorgeous. Like he was the most beautiful fish in the tank. He was a second hand fish that somebody else had bred and they had so many.

And they didn't want him. Yeah and they didn't want him. For whatever reason over the weekend Kevin has instead of swimming left to right and right to left has been swimming down and up and up and down and down and up. Oh that's not sounding good. And down and up is bad, they've got, they need to feed them a pea. At first I thought he was showing off. No but I fed a sick fish a pea and it killed it. Yeah because I thought of that and I was like no the pea would be like half his body, they're so small.

And so we did a water test and water, don't want to show off, was perfect. So I'm nailing the nitrate levels and the pH and everything else. And all the other fish are all very fit and healthy. Just as one guy and the fish store said, the guy at the fish store said, sometimes they could be old or they could just not be very like fit and it was a fish from another owner So it's hard to know But we told Ty my son that um, Kevin wasn't gonna make it and we were recommended that we take the sick fish out of the tank So it doesn't make the other fish sick and he teared up and he was pretty He was pretty sad. So we buried him on Sunday. You buried him. How big was he?

Probably the width of a 10 cent coin. Should we have a minute silence for him? And Jay didn't even get a proper scooper, she just got like a barbecue, you know a barbecue scraper? She kind of just rammed it down into the ground and... Jesus, Jay! I said should we put him in the toilet, that made my son very upset, why would you flush his face? I would want to, if I was a fish I'd want my last swim to be a hydro slide into some shit. You're like, this is the best! And then, uh oh.

Let's have a minute silence for Kevin. A minute? Take this down. Oh, actual silence. Oh, I quite like them. How long has it been? Well, we have to start again now. It's been about 20 seconds.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. How long has it been? Well we have to start again now.

It's been about 20 seconds. So just wait. I think the ch ch ch count. And also stop turning pages because you're being disrespectful. I'm reading. Do you want people to be reading about fucking sexism while you were burying you? No. She's reading a sexism book.

Yeah. Anyway, yeah, so I'm gonna try and replace Kevin. See you later, Kevin. Well, you can't replace him. I'm gonna try and find another beautiful fish like Kevin and... Who knows, maybe one of the five babies will turn into a beautiful fish. But that's where we're at at the moment. Do you want some swimmers in your pool? Little swimmers?

None of yours, mate. Come over and sort it out. Okay, yeah, so we're going to pivot quite abruptly now. Meg has a book from back in the day. It's definitely not a sexism book, by the way, yes. It is quite a sexual book, in fact. Oh yeah, so Meg went shopping on the weekend. She goes to like little shops, don't you, little... What do you call them?

Op shops. And church sales, church sales, book sales. Why church? They can't be reading the books they're selling because I don't think they'd sell these books. Well it's just... Especially not the one with all the nude women in it. Well this one, that one wasn't that, the nude woman one was at a bookshop. The other two, which is a guide to elegance and building a fair-proof marriage,

those were both at church. That's quite Christian and Catholic to think like that. But the one, Any Woman Can, Love and Sexual Fulfillment for the Single Widow Divorced, dot dot dot and Married Woman, by David Rubin, from 1969, is very much so would never survive in a church. It would burn up, I think.

It would burn up, especially this version. I don't know what to call the guy. It doesn't have a name inside the book, the previous owner, but the man did cut out photos of nude women from a newspaper from the 1970s and glued them in. So I think it was his little wank bank. Why was he... What sort of newspapers got nude women in it? I don't know. But it wasn't a magazine, they're not on colour.

Tits Ahoy Weekly. I don't remember that one. I don't remember the New Zealand Herald putting busty boobs in their, you know, pages. Yep, yep. Um, I'm... I'm reading through it at the moment, some bits and bobs that I'll definitely have to do on the podcast boys because I cannot read these. Give us some of your best bits.

Okay, I was just reading here before. Well one I have a question about the morning erection. Okay, yeah, we're all ears. Okay, so the morning erection, the majority of men with absolute impotence awake at least occasionally with a firm rigid erection. For a long time this was considered to be a reflex response to a full bladder. But actually it's the result of night long unconscious sexual fantasies. True or false?

That's false. Sometimes I'll just wake up and I've got absolutely no sexual feeling. Well he says that it's all to do with sexual fantasies. No and I don't really remember my dreams. If I am I'm not waking up and going, ah that's why. I was told you a couple of times I've had to get up to like sort out my son who's crying and it's been early in the morning and I've had to get up and it's been full mast and you sort of have to before you go into the room you have to go grandma grandma grandma grandma because you don't want to be doing that while you're

holding what to finish finish. That's disgusting. No I'm getting it out of my head. Not out of your sister. It's a dodgy and risky game to play because if it doesn't go down. Yes and if you my grandma is gorgeous so there is a risk of that. So then it goes on. Sorry is that Julie's mum you're talking about? Yes. Your mum's mum. Sorry Julie I know you listen to the podcast. She is certainly like, but mother likes mum. A man who awakens with erection sometimes can strike a decisive blow for potency and want to have intercourse there and then. True or false? You've got an erection, you wake up with one, you want to have sex there and then. No.

Okay, so again, that's what he's saying. Almost the opposite. If his woman is cooperative for her own benefit, she should find a way to get the penis into vagina and vigorous intercourse with ejaculation following as rapidly as possible is essential. Vigorous in the morning. Bloody before your coffee. Before the coffee. Thoughts and feelings. Never, never, never, never.

Clive? No, because you know what, I mean I'll take any opportunity I can get, so if that's my opportunity, fine, I'm in. But I would worry that if I took that opportunity, then that's my one done for the day. Do you know what I mean? It's like, if I said, oh can I have spaghetti and meatballs, and my wife said, you had spaghetti and meatballs yesterday. You know what I mean? So it's kind of like, I wouldn't use, I wouldn't take a morning opportunity because I think it would limit my chance

of an afternoon or evening opportunity. I'm not at my best in the morning. I've got the morning breath. You know, you're a bit lethargic, you've got sleep in your eyes. There's nothing sexy about me in the morning. Right. You know, so I don't think my wife Hannah

would want a bar of it, to be honest. What's sexy about you at night? What changes? I'm just a bit more awake, first of all. Like I'm not all groggy from the morning. He also showers at night time. I shower at night before, yeah. And I brush my teeth.

You know, so I'm a little bit better looking. And like, when I wake up, you guys see me in the morning, I'm a bloody mess, aren't I? Ooh, this is a bad paragraph. This is a bad one. Okay. Fuck, what is his name? David. What's he said?

He's talking about a woman giving fellatio. Good on him. Oh god. Oh yeah, that's why you definitely can't read this one. A woman who is performing fellatio can't do something even more... Sorry, be ignorant. What's fellatio? Blur job. Oh right.

A woman who is performing fellatio can't do something more exciting at the same time because she can't talk with her mouth full. Oh! It's a real book. There is no rule that says intercourse must be conducted in complete silence, but if a lady is constantly or from time to time talking, tells her partner how good he is though, that could be good. Just not when she's having fellatio

Is that a joke book? It's not it's not a joke book I need to find it looks like he's trying to throw a gag in there. No, I don't I don't think there is a gag It's all very serious and we find that there was a wonderful paragraph about a woman who um who who said that she needed 50 orgasms a night. A night?! Bloody hell, not even in the day! 50 orgasms a night! God, she'd be gutted if she was married to me. She'd be like, she got there in a year. She said that it always affected their marriage because her husband could only do about four and I thought, bloody, how good on him. 50 of light, there's no way. 50 of light.

I don't think I've ever, no, I won't say that. God. I don't think I've ever given 50 orgasms. Let me find it. I don't think I'd say- In your life. Dingo, you can't say that, darling. Oh, you shouldn't have said that. I don't think I have.

You can't say that. Shouldn't have. You can't say that. Well, yeah, we thought it'd be fun to like find these authors and like, cause these books are like 30 plus years old and we play a game, stand by it or stand far away from it. So we read out the statement and they're like,

no, I stand by that. Or, oh God, I didn't say that, did I? Some of the stuff we would have said in our lifetimes, you wouldn't stand by it. No, God no. Yeah, but I do wonder if a type of person who would write and publish a book like this, even 30 years on is still a bit of a bigger and would like stubbornly still stand by it?

Yeah, true. Producer Carl? Bill Cosby wrote a book, do you want me to try and get him on? Oh, he'd be easier to get on than he used to be, but probably not. I think he's already had his one phone call. Okay. I don't think he gets another one. Is he still in prison, Cosby? Or is he out? Yeah, I think he is.

He's locked up for life, isn't he? I'll find out actually what his release date is. 50 fucking orgasms a night. That's incredible. That's not possible. Are you sure it was 50 a night? You guys keep talking amongst yourselves. I found it. It was amazing. What? No. Bill Cosby was released from prison on June 2021.

That must be the first time. No, maybe he is free. He had been serving a sentence of 3 to 10 years for drugging and sexually assaulting Andrea in 2024. The court's decision stated that Cosby's due process rights were violated. Is he out? Maybe he is. Is Bill Cosby free? Cosby in jail. He was released in 2021, it says, everywhere. He was in prison until conviction, yeah, and was vacated in June 21 so he's out yeah. Bill Cosby plans to

tour again in 2023 despite new sexual assault lawsuit. What the heck. Who's going to see Bill Cosby live? Oh god. Oh yeah there's footage of him like walking around now. There's no way. I thought he was gonna be until he died they got flipped under the rug. Yeah flipped under the rug yeah. Speaking of flipping, how long is it gonna take you to flip through pages? Okay well find something else if we can't find my orgasm lady. It's alright, it's a podcast, I can just cut it. Yeah thank you. Thank you Clint. So you take as long as you want, and I'll edit it all out,

and everyone will only, it'll happen now. Oh, I haven't found that, but I have found if she can, ooh, something that she can do to a man's penis to make him ejaculate. What is that? Anything. She cradles the man's testicles gently, but firmly.

Right, then what? That's it. I don't think that's going to do anything. Who is this guy? This guy, is he a virgin? First time his balls are being touched? As soon as he reaches the point of where he's about to go, she grip tightens the grip and pulls down. Ooh bloody hell fuck no! Ken! Absolutely! Absolutely not!

You just gotta make sure it's just slow. Leslie! No! Hey! Jesus, Leslie! Just get hold of sack and not the actual balls because if you start pulling on the nuts... Oh Leslie! ...they'll be like, oh that's not gonna feel good. Oh no, she's saying...

Just the skin. She's saying do this to stop him from finishing too quickly. Oh, I was gonna say... It's a yank! You yank the nut sack so she's like, oh this gets him every time and he's Oh, I was gonna say. So it's a yank. Oh, you yank the nutsack. So she's like, oh, this gets him every time. And he's like, oh, there it goes. Go on now.

Apparently, apparently that's a little method, a Chinese method it says, that you can just slow down if he finishes too fast. The Chinese have a lot of methods, don't they? Give him a yank. Give it stuff. Because all of a sudden you're like, that feels good to, oh, shit, my balls.

No, no, no, not that, not that. There you go. So I can see more. What's that cover that came up with? Feng Shui and the bull tug, bull tug. Yeah, I'm pretty sure if I got punched in the nuts just before I was about to finish, I'd probably stop too.

Oh my God. All right. You better not. Pfft. Oh. Oh God. There you go. There you go.

Good take. I'll keep going through this for the podcast, then we'll see what we can find. Yeah, the woman who wants 50 orgasms tonight, we'll hear about her tomorrow. She's not real. She is real. Who's that woman that's shagging all the schoolies

from Australia? What's her name? Bonnie Blue, maybe it's Nana. Maybe it's Bonnie Blue. Yeah, maybe it's Nana. Nana. Yeah. Linda Blue.

Just walking around like disappointed All right, we'll catch you again tomorrow, thanks for getting the pod guys Rover music radio podcasts