The Edge Breakfast - ONLYFANS - Dan Serenades Cal...

Episode Date: March 5, 2025

This is a podcast from Rover. This is Clint, Meg and Dan's OnlyFans podcast. A place where nothing is off the table and these three show who they really are. Not recommended for kids. Let's hope there's not too much of this. I honestly reckon if we... If there's another way to go, I missed it 20 long years ago. My life was a war that could never be won. They gave me a number, they murdered Valjean when they chained me and left me for dead.

Just for stealing A mouthful of bread You've been warned Welcome to The Only Fan Sounds a little bit different Clint is away We've got Cal from The Edge Nights jumping in

Which is actually quite nice I mean I used to produce This show way back when Nothing wrong with different No nothing wrong With different at all I think different Is one of those words

That has got a little bit Of a negative spin on it But I think Look at Meg She's different isn't she she? Look at her. Nothing usual about Meg. Do you know my old German teacher? You've spoken about her before.

Is she the one that was quite controversial? She just did the Miss Piggy joke. Yes. Tell the Miss Piggy joke. What's green and slimy and smells like pork? Kermit's fingers.

Now that is brilliant. She did tell that to a room of 16 slash 17 year old high school girls. Now that is, I don't think that anyone German or otherwise needs to be tarnished with that. I don't know why. What's green, slimy and smells like pork?

It's the one joke that I've kept. Of all the jokes. Did she say it in German? No, no, she didn't. She had a very soft smoke. That sounded like a Kermit voice. I don't even think that was German. It was like German Kermit. German Kermit.

German Kermit. Anyway, this one going out to Chrissy Ann, the podcast dedicated to Chrissy Ann today. She's a member of our podcast fam. And what a joyous lady she is. In fact, she messaged and said that she listens to the podcast every day. And it brings her joy. And sometimes her, you know, dark days.

Not that she has many dark days, but I mean, you know. Chrissie Ann, love you to bits. Oh, anyway, thank you, Chrissie Ann. We were talking about my German teacher. And the reason was, not for that joke, but the reason was she told us that the best compliment that she was ever given, which I found a little odd, was that her husband said she was the most unique person

he'd ever met. And I remember all these girls in the cast were like, that's a cop-out. We were all collectively like, cop-out. That's a unique, I'd like to be called unique. But yeah, but now, I remember as a 16-year-old were all, like, collectively, like, cop-out. That's a unique... I'd like to be called unique. But, yeah, but, like, now, as an... I remember as a 16-year-old girl, I thought that was bad. Yeah, you want to be called hard-on.

Yeah, yeah. But now I'm like, that's a kind of lovely idea to think that somebody is unique, so different is good. It's a nice sentiment, but I still think, even today, if someone calls you unique, it does still have that cop-out feel. You're very unique. Like, oh, you're very unique. It feels a little backhanded. I disagree.

It depends where it's coming from. If it's somebody who thinks they're better than you and they go, you're very unique, then you feel like you're a little dog pat on the head, pretentious. But if it's somebody that's almost cooler than you and they go, man, you're unique.

Especially if that person themselves is quite unique. Oh, my God, we have the same quiz. Brad Pitt calls me unique. I'm into it. Meghan Markle calls me unique. Probably not. Probably not, yeah. Here's the thing.

When I was a kid, and this is going to get a little bit serious and a little bit, you know, tug on the heartstrings. Oh, really? I want to laugh. When I was a child and when I was growing up, probably to about the age of 16, I was a bit of a weirdo. Like I genuinely was.

Like I'd drive around the school and I'd pretend to be a car and I'd be an intermediate. He wouldn't drive around the school, he'd run around the school. Run around the school, driving like this. I'd do this.

So I'll show you Cal. Cal, around the studio, yeah? So I'd come out of class and I'd do this. Oh my God. He was that kid at school. He was that kid. Every kid had one.

I wasn't a bully, but I would have bullied you. Oh, Cal. And you know what? I used to get a lot of shit for that. And looking back, I go... Didn't you get a girl into your car once, though? Yeah, Erin. My first girlfriend I pulled over and I said, Hop in, babe. And she got in and't you get a girl into your car once though? Yeah, Erin. My first girlfriend I pulled over and I said, hop in babe.

And she got in and we both did it. Bless her. She was like my person. She was amazing. She was a lovely person and she was. Then I broke up with her. Why? Because she had a short neck. Stop. Oh actually, but don't. Oh God. Can you beep her name? No.

He said he knows from behind. I was walking from behind her once and I thought, God, she's got an unbelievably short neck. I'm breaking up with her at lunch. So it goes on. And so anyway, yeah. So what I'm trying to say is, weirdness is good. Because I used to get bullied a lot when it's called for being a weirdo. And now

I'm employed because I'm a weirdo, if you know what I mean. You know? 100%. Yeah. 100%. And I think, Godo if you know what I mean you know 100% 100% and I think god be yourself be unique be weird

I think it's the best thing you can do I genuinely do I think I agree too yeah let your freak flag fly do you think that

all the like like actual successful celebs were like just cool no they would have been weird theatre kids yeah weird singing kids. They would have been weird theatre kids. Yeah.

Weird singing kids. Lady Gaga would have been really fucking weird at high school. Even though basically every actor, they all were theatre kids. Or would have been weird. Timothy Chalamet would have been weird. And I think in New Zealand we live in a real bubble. I was saying to someone the other day, like we all conform quite a bit in New Zealand

to like this paradigm of just normality and don't be too unique or weird. When you go elsewhere into Europe and like other places around the world, everybody's just like different and unusual and wearing crazy stuff. I think I'd love that for New Zealand where no one's like worried to step outside

and go, I'm going to wear some pink jeans today and no one's going to judge me. Fucking great. I even, I'm guilty of it now. I think you tried to do it like two years ago when we first started, Dan. I think you were like, I'm going to wear the weird thing tomorrow and then I don't know I'm guilty of it now. I think you tried to do it like two years ago when we first started, Dan. I think you were like, I'm going to wear the weird thing tomorrow and then I don't know if you could carry it on.

People just go, why are you wearing those things? And I was like, fuck, I decided to stop doing it. But God, I'd love to just be able to do things like that. And I think as an adult, I've become more and more nervous to do it because I worry about what people are judging me. But who the fuck cares? They're the ones that are sad.

I hate when people judge what you're wearing. I hate it so much. People say, oh, why are you wearing that? Fuck off because I put it on. I wanted to fucking wear it.

And Clint's very good at that. Yeah, Cal and Clint both are. You are both actually very good at it. You'll wear whatever you want and you always look good. And I would never take the piss out of anyone

that wears something crazy because good on you. Good on you. Although I have said that Yaz's jeans are a bit weird. Yeah. What about Kanye's missus? Would you judge her for what she wore at the red carpet? Yes, because that's illegal nudity. Technically, it was slightly blurred. No, it was nudity, you fucking creep. You pig. You pig. You fucking pig gal. I think the moral of the story is do what you want and be unique. That's what it came out of. Do what you want that abides

by the law. Yeah, oh god yeah. And if you want to break the law. There we go. And I would say my thing as well is like I am very happy to talk and say things with a full stop after everything. Fuck off.

That's my weird thing. No, but even like me being a 27, almost 27 year old man like bobsing around about Lego and toys and shit, you know? I feel like that's my little weird unique thing. In fact, I'd say that there's a lot of people that are closeted Lego fans. Closeted? Yeah, you know, that are like

oh god. It's like, oh God. It's like music as well. I guarantee you there's a lot of men out there that listen to Celine Dion, but they'll never admit it because it's not cool. Yeah. You know? More to who, because I know, who's your dirty secret that you listen to? Dirty secret? Yeah, do you have a dirty secret?

I don't have dirty secrets in music because I think they're like all music. I like so many different types of music. So subjective as well. What about a dirty secret? I don't have dirty secrets in music because I think all music, I like so many different types of music. So subjective as well. What about a specific song? I just know that my husband's is Ariana Grande, Dangerous Woman. Tune! But I would say that's not really embarrassing.

No, no. It probably isn't, but it's also probably not what you'd expect. Yeah. Although it is a tune. I would say mine, although I don't keep it a secret, I love it,

is Hans Zimmer oh my god did you see him in concert there's nothing to be ashamed about with Hans I went to his concert a few years ago fuck off

he was live here he was live in Auckland and I went no I remember I don't think that was a few years ago I think that was a while I think it was like 6-7 years ago yeah to me that's a few years ago

yeah when you get to be his age yeah we're getting to my age fucking hell about 6 years ago he came and he surprised everyone by bringing on the original singer to Circle of Life, and they did that live. Oh, wow.

That was excellent. Were you there too, Carl? I haven't got to sing. No, you're sweet. Okay, mate. Yeah, no, I was there as well. It was unbelievable. Unreal, unreal.

I shouted my dad, because he brought me into the Huns in my life. Oh, my God, stop. That's literally my dream. He's doing a tour of Australia but he's not coming to New Zealand I'm so fucked off oh he's not coming back

no I've never seen he's the one honestly out of all of my favourite artists there's only two I would ever absolutely want to see one Juice WRLD

he's dead never gonna happen two Hans Zimmer Hans Zimmer Hans Zimmer my number one to see in concert Hans Zimmer tours quite a bit so I think you could see him one day

you definitely can my guilty pleasure is Andrew Lloyd Webber's Poo Soup. Poo Soup. What? Poo Soup? No, it's called Poo... I don't actually know the name of the actual song. Andrew who? Andrew Lloyd Webber. It won't be in the system. It's from

a musical called Requiem, and every time I hear it, it goes... I feel like I know it from you doing that. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, my God, I do know that. Dan, you're nailing that. Whoa, this is crazy. And then it goes high.

And I'm off tune. But it's very... It's because I came in. No, no, no. It's very high. It's performed by a boy soprano. Yes, a little boy, isn't it? Yeah, a young boy.

And oh my goodness me, it's just stunning. Yes, this is it. Get to the end. Get to the end, yeah. Oh my God. I just listened to, what is that radio station where they just play like classical music?

Is it called? National. National concert. Concert FM. I love Concert FM. I love concert FM. My dad's dream is for me to be on concert. One of my flatmates had to like move my car one day and they turned it on

and it was full blast concert FM and he got the fright of his life and said I'm a bit of a psycho listening to that shit. I love it. Okay, my guilty pleasure song is called Zero Gravity by Kate Miller-Heidke. Heidke. Found it.

She was in Eurovision and I saw the song and I love it. She's Aussie, believe it or not. Oh. Yeah. Ooh. It builds weight. It's hard to sing today. Should I skip it for copyright things for the podcast?

Oh, yeah, so you need to skip forward a copyright things for the podcast? Oh yeah, so you need to skip forward a little bit. Hang on. Okay, yeah, it comes up. Yeah.

Okay, you still probably need to skip forward a bit, but. Okay, hang on, hang on,

let's get here. It's very different to Pussy. It is. Okay, wait, wait. Okay,

here we go, now bring it up. Oh, wait. It's good, it's good, it's good. I love it, I love it. Wow. She goes really high. Ready? Keep going.

Don't you turn it down. One more. Oh, and now bring it up. Bring it up, Kel. As loud as it goes. Here we go. Nothing holding me down. Nothing holding me down. Nothing holding me down now.

Nothing holding me down. Nothing holding me down. She's done the Eris's opera with techno shit. Wow. I love that. That was crazy. Did you see the actual performance? It was phenomenal.

I have no idea how I didn't win a Eurovision. Oh, goodness me. She reminds me of Aurora. So it was, I'm going to, do you know what? On the podcast fam, I'm going to put the fucking video up

so you can all see it. So she's sitting there, she's in a ball gown, right? And in that part where it goes, nothing holding me down, somehow her and her up so you can all see it. So she's sitting there, she's in a ball gown, right? And in that part where it goes, nothing holding me down, somehow her and her dancers, you don't see it happening, but they're on poles

that have got a harness underneath their dress and suddenly they're swirling in the air where they're not on any ground. Brilliant, brilliant. So it's like they're in space. It's crazy. Wow. Gorgeous.

I love that. I love a big performance, eh? Oh yeah, God, there's nothing better than just an incredible performance. You know what else as well? It's like, because I have never, ever been a fan of musicals at all. And now I...

What was that noise? Sorry, that was me. And after seeing Wicked, I have like a new... I must say, appreciation for it. Oh, yeah, you've peaked on Wicked. I mean, there's a lot of... I love musicals, but usually only the stage versions. I've never seen a movie until Wicked

that's been adapted from stage to movie that was good. Until Wicked, that was the first one. Have you seen Less Miserables? Yeah. Oh gorgeous. Les Mis is my favourite. I've been in Les Mis twice. Wait, what?

Yeah, I've been in Les Mis. I was in the New Zealand production of Les Mis at the Civic Theatre in Auckland. Who did you play? I played a minor part called Fiuli. Oh, I've been in Les Mis. I was in the New Zealand production of Les Mis at the Civic Theatre in Auckland. Who did you play? Who did you play? I played a minor part called Fiuli. Oh, I know Fiuli. Yeah, he's one of the Revolution boys.

And then I also played the foreman who kicks Fontaine out. Right, my girl. On your way! I have a question, and I don't want this to come across as... It's the same with a slut as it is for a grocer. The customer sees what he gets in advance. It's not for her to say yes or no, sir.

It's not for her to... I can't remember the lyrics, but it's something like that. Did you get any of that spit on your face, Meg? Yeah. I spit. I'm a big spitter when I'm in them. Have you...

I don't want this to come across as... I don't mean this in any kind of... I'm just genuinely curious. Have you ever been a part of a production where you were the star, the main? Yeah, I play Jean Valjean on Amers. He's not the main. Jean Valjean?

I'm kidding. I just knew that. What have I done, sweet Jesus, what have I done? Become a thief in the night, become a dog on the run. Have I fallen so far and it's the hour so late that nothing remains but the cry of my hate? I honestly reckon if we put... If there's another way to go I missed it twenty long years ago My life was a war that could never be won

They gave me a number, they murdered Valjean When they chained me and left me for dead just for stealing a mouthful of bread and scene wow that was incredible no you're lying

no I wasn't but I do think maybe we should get you to do the entire performance but we put a mask on your face and see if we can fill up a whole litter of spit

I'd be back okay I'm still going beneath the lash now you've got him started see how I've just backed away? You have. He just laid down. How do I do that? Do I just stop talking?

I might just turn around. Normally there's no audience. He kind of does stop eventually. He told me that I had a soul. Should we walk out? How does he know that spirit comes to rule my life?

It's Microsoft now. He's there. He's still here. Another way to go. And then it goes, here we go, this is a good bit. I am reaching, but I fall, and the night is closing in. Meg's actually packing her set. As I stare into the void.

Meg's fucking packing up. To the whirlpool of my sin. I don't even realise I'm doing it. I just get to the point. From the world of Jean Valjean. Jean Valjean is nothing now. Another story must begin. And then it starts. Oh, it starts after that. Yeah, that's like the prologue.

Fuck me. At the end of the day, you're another day older. Yeah, got it. Got it. Okay. Oh my God, I love it to bits. I will now answer the question. I have never been the star of a show because I can't sing.

You're the star of the show. You're the star of the show. Guys. There's three of us. But I've't sing. You're the star of the show. You're the star of the show. Guys. There's three of us. But I've done many productions and musicals where truly, it's going to sound so arrogant, but I'm good at acting and I'm a terrible singer. So they'll try and give me these parts where I would have to do,

like, kind of speak sing songs, but I could never get the main role because I had the big songs. But I know I got, I actually won the drama award at my high school. Wow! Even though I wasn't in the drama classes because I did, because my part bit because my bit part I did in the production. She was such a shining star. I was in the Mikado.

I was in, we did one. Which is a bit of a problematic production by the way. Like a Japanese, yeah. How are you playing a Japanese woman? Do you know Meg played Tina Turner in another one of her productions? Wait, actually? Yeah, I did. I played Rosa Parks in my school production in year six.

What? That's full cancelable. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Wait, stop. Do you want to hear the Mikado roles? Oh, God, no. She's still talking about herself now.

Sorry, I've just looked them up. I tried to remember what I was doing. Sorry, Nibia. Nanky Poo, Pitty Sing, Pish Tush, Pete Bow, Poo Bar, Coco, Yum Yum. Oh, confusing. What are you reading? These are the names where you dress up as a Japanese person. Oh, these are the characters.

I think I might have been Poo Bar or Pish Tush. I don't remember. That's fucking crazy. Yeah, maybe it was Poo Bar. Oh, there we go. Wait, can we quickly brush on Rosa Parks over here Yes Rosa Parks we need to go back to that What the fuck is that about

Did they have no woman No I was just the only brown one in Southland So that's why It was only brown person Yeah pretty close to it Maybe a girl But yeah then you'd have to do the Oh god all of this is awful.

No, it was like a history of America. They meant well. So what did you wear? I've still got the jacket today, and I wore it at RMV this year. It's a really cool tweed old man's jacket, and it only fits me now. Did the teacher know who Rosa Parks was? Yeah, they did. I sat at the back of the bus, and I recreated the scene.

Did you change it? Was it Ross Parks or something? No, no, Rosa Parks. Ross Parks. That did. I sat at the back of the bus and I recreated the scene. Did you change it? Was it Ross Parks or something? No, no, Rosa Parks. Ross Parks. That's crazy. That's crazy. Yeah, okay. I'm going to smoke screen.

That's crazy for me. I think that's the most reasonable thing. That's crazy. Did you know, can I tell you a fun little fact actually? God, who did you play? Did you know that Rosa Parks' husband actually had a car? Did you know that? Yes, I did.

Yeah. Because I've heard you do a fucking rant on here about it. I just, it wasn't a rant. I just thought it was interesting. What I was doing, I was trying to figure out why she was on the bus that day. I feel like maybe that they had an argument at home and then she was like, fuck it, I'm taking the bus, fuck you. Got on the bus and started an entire civil rights movement. Came home

and was like... Sorry, Dad's got to take a phone call. Oh no, my wife's calling, but I'll call her back after this. Go... Bye. I don't know my wife's calling, but I'll call her back after this. Go. Bye. Bye. Hear my prayer. In my knee. This is John Valjean.

You have always been there. He is yours. He's young He's a fright Why are you going to vomit? Let him rest Okay, we're done. You can turn it off now if you want. Heaven bless Okay, let can turn it off now if you want. Heaven bless. Okay, thanks for turning it off now.

There you go there, Johnny fans. Bye. Bye. Rover. Music. Radio. Podcasts.