The Edge Breakfast - ONLYFANS - Dan... "Will it fit in my butt?"

Episode Date: August 27, 2025

This is a podcast from Rover Dumb chat, bad decisions, zero shame If that sounds like your vibe, you're in the right place This is Clint Megan Dan's Only Fans Podcast, that is. Everybody, we've actually recorded The Only Fans But we're just jumping right back here at the start For a bit of a warning for Little Ears

It's not even for Little E's If you're the kind of person who does find sexual content offensive Just skip this one out and we'll see you tomorrow Yeah, Ash was filthy in this show. One of us definitely overshed. I don't know what they do in Australia, all right, but in New Zealand, we're clean. At one point, I had to stop down and say,

was the only fans this filthy when Meg was doing it, and you said even filthy, I said, okay, cool. I don't want to be the one of the people, like, oh, now that Ashton's joined it. This was tame. I even said there are a couple of times, Dan's going to make me edit this stuff out. Happy?

Yeah. Okay, he's going to text you from the car. Strap yourselves in it. Hold on, dear, Lugner. I feel like Ross, Ross from friends, when he goes, Does your mum's ever listen to The Only Fans Or do you tell them, do not listen?

Oh, God, yes. Oh, my mum wouldn't know how, thankfully. Hello, Julie. Maybe tune out now, Mum. She's still there. Enjoy. Welcome to The Only Fans. Thank you guys for downloading.

Clint's here. Also, Dan and Ash London. Do you know what I was, I'd never listen to The Only Fans yesterday. I mean, I had never listened to The Only Fans. And yesterday, I went to find it on, like, podcasts, right? And then I realized, I hope it can come out now

because I didn't follow it. Were you wanting to just have a listen to yourself on your podcast? Yeah, because I just wanted to see how it worked with, like, the thing and then the show and then I realized that no one has done a rating or review for four years. Really? Yes. Oh, go on a rate and review us. We need some rates and reviews, guys.

Oh, great. Yeah, you get that one. If you're a diary of a CEO, podcast, listening, he always goes, hey, can I just have 30 seconds of your time? And he was like, it amazes me that of the millions of people that download this podcast, Only 53. Yeah, yeah, what it is. And he was like, you know what?

The best thing that you can do to get this podcast out there if you enjoy it to other people is by liking and rating the podcast or subscribing. And he goes, and if you do that, I'll commit to getting the best guess on here for you. That's all I'm going to ask of you ever. Your quota of talking about the diary of a CEO podcast on today's show is out the gate. I think he wants to do more than have sex with Stephen Bartlett. I think he wants to do more than have sex with. I think he wants to be in his skin.

I want to kill him and skin him and weigh his skin. And then I'd sell all of his assets and cash them all up. See, he's thought about it. Then I'd throw his skin away before it started to stank. He's really young, though, you know. Yeah, he's only like 30. I think he's only just 30. Yeah, because he keeps talking about, like, how young he is.

33, disgusted. Yeah. Anyway, good on him. He's so rich. Yeah, it does very, very well. And you know, he's on the UK shark tank? That's right. And the reason he's so successful is because people reviewers' podcasts.

So review out. Yeah. Yeah, give it a rating. Unless you're going to give it a one start, in fact. Don't worry about it. Are we going to talk about the sex bag on air? Or should we talk about it now? Well, we can do both.

We were talking about maybe using this for 640, a naughty 640 tomorrow. But there's probably a bigger discussion about the fact that Dan doesn't have a sex bag. Nobody, like, guys, you are going to look like idiots. I'm sure there's people out there that have sex bags, but it's not a norm. And we're talking about a bag.

He had a whole toolbox. That's Carl. He's the most sexual man I've ever met. Yaz came in. She had a sex bag. Okay, so that's 80% of people, if we include you, Dan. So four out of the five have a sex bag.

Yeah, but we're radio people. Radio people are sexual. Well, you're obviously not because you don't have a sex bag. I wouldn't say I'm a radio person. So where do you keep, like, lube, like vibrators? But I don't use lube. She may get so wet and it just slides in. I regret.

I reckon they've got one, but Dan just doesn't know about it. I trust me. When the lights are out, Hannah's like, I can't make a sound of loom coming out. Sounds like you need a new bottle, mate. Your bottle's getting in the air, like, low. No, I can save to say, I keep, like, my paraphernalia, if we want to call it that. I think in my side drawer, this is a little side drawer.

I might have condoms. You've got to be careful when you're kids. That's all the paraphernalia, a couple of calls. A couple little buddies, butt plugs. No, I don't. Showing on. Hey, there's nothing wrong with a buttplay. No, I don't have one.

I don't have one. You know what I tried to put one. No. Dan's filter needs cleaning. He's under the desk. Dan's brain was like, shoot fuck up, man. Say nothing if you've ever used anal beads. Say nothing.

I've never used anal beads. I never have. No, but one time we got sent a little butt play. Oh, you got scented. You didn't go to Pitches and Cream. No, no, no, we got sent. I remember it had a little bit jazzle. Anyway, and I took it home, and it sat in my drawer, not my bag,

for like months or months on end. And then one day... Please, Dan, use me. One day I was, you know, I was in a loose end. Yeah. I had a couple of hours up my sleeve. And you decided to try... Did you try it in a sexual way or just that one day...

No, I was like mid, like, I was doing it, like, you know, having some time to myself. I am so upset. I know, it's disgusting. It's disgusting. No, but I... Oh, no, shake that off. I got the little thing out on the top, like got a bit of the... Lube on the buttluck.

He's going to make me edit this out. Yeah, he's going to be driving him and I broke. Can we leave this bit? No, leave the big where it's come back after the edit and saying he's going to make us edit this out. No, you don't have to edit out. It's just real life. Sorry, carry on, carry on.

But I couldn't... And maybe I need to use it more because I've never used it since and I think I threw it out. But it was... I couldn't find my butt hole. It's chubbing it up your erythra. Like, I was sort of going to town. No, God, it wasn't that off.

Oh, are we, are we? And in around the area, you know, and I was like, where is, I don't know if it's in there or it's around, you know. It's quite forceful to get it in. Do you have to give it quite a good nudge? Well, think about it. It's a sphincter and it's closed and it's built to, as a one-way valve. So it does, I'm not into butt stuff, so I haven't tried. It doesn't sound like you, look, it sounds like you know, put it the,

that way. Well, I just know bodies. So it takes some force to get it in there. Yeah, so anyway, I sort of fiddled around for a bit and then I was like, I just threw it back in the drawer, washed, it, rinsed it. Yeah, great. I always wonder what you're supposed to, like, you're supposed to use an alcohol

spray, because a lot of them are latex, and not supposed to put alcohol because that can make it. What are you supposed to do? Isn't it crazy how, like, it's, like, one of the very few things where women can talk about it and it's like, yeah, embrace your body and, like, feel pleasure, and you need to explore.

these areas. But as soon as a guy starts talking about him exploring his areas, we're all like, oh, gross, bro, gross. But I think it is changing and we're evolving as a species and as humanity. And I think anyone should be allowed to do anything with their body as long as they're not hurting anybody else. And we don't get to judge people. Yeah, Dan.

Do you have any thoughts? What else did you do with it? He just remember what else he did with that. No, I don't know. There was this one other time. Oh, fuck, he's going to be mad at it for sure. where this was years and years ago I wasn't even with my current partner

but I got my girlfriend at the time one of those massage guns and you sort of like it's used for like sporting injuries because she always had to sit back she constantly had us all back and so I got her one of those for Christmas

and there was one day where I used it on my bit I got it going I'm in your anus no just in and around my like area like in that area, not up there. For muscular help or for sexual pleasure?

Let's say yes. Mine moves way too fast that you would put it anywhere near there. No, it's on like the softest setting. Mine would destroy my butt hole. And someone came home because we're in a flat at the time and someone came home and I was like, oh God, and like threw it under the bed and was like, forgot about it. And I came home like a couple of days later.

It came into the room and she was doing her shoulder with it. I hadn't rinsed it. You're fucked. Dan is like one of those little kids who just finds stuff in a drawing and goes, what does that do? I'll put it in my butt. Those are the only two things I've put anywhere near my ass.

That's it. That fit in my butt. Two times. I wonder if that. Done. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was it. Obviously, you know I put a kind of cook on my butt. But that was because I had hemorrhoids and it didn't know end.

That wasn't a sexual thing. It was for relief, for like pain relief. Between the cheeks, like sideways. Between the cheeks, exactly. I remember fondly. Do you remember that guy that was on... Remember there would now... I don't know if you'd know about this ash

because it was a New Zealand story but there was a guy that went into a emergency room and he had an eel up his bottom. That's right. Is it a lie? I don't know. I hope not. I think it was a frozen...

I think it must have been frozen. Eel up. Yeah. And he had an eel up his bottom. And he said that it swam up there, you know. He was doing breaststroke. He was the fastest eel. They never existed at full speed right up with the butt.

I've had a fish swim at Goat Island, which is like a marine reserve. I had little fish swim into my trunks. That's cute. So it could happen. Do you know, hospital staff were disciplined over the eel case for sharing the story. Yeah, no, they shouldn't have. That's how, yeah, he got into the media. My friend, who shall remain nameless in another country, Australia,

was like a tech, like a surgical tech. So he'd be in the room when they were doing surgery. And he had a whole folder on his phone of things they took out. people's butts. Really? Like light globes, carrots, all sorts of things. And it was a special photo on his phone

that he'd just pull out of parties. And he just take photos of them. Not of the, just of the items. And sometimes you'd be at work and you just go, Bing, and you'd look up, oh, there's a message from. Yeah. You, yeah, your wife definitely doesn't listen to this podcast now. No.

Let's definitely put something at the start of this podcast, like an extra one that says, today's episode is very much X rated. But hey, we haven't talked to. about anything, apart from the eel stuff, that has been, you know, everybody should try it. If they want to. If they want to.

Some people have no interest in that. And I'm actually that person, to be honest. I'm not, I'm really, like, a bit boring. Maybe in my older years, I'll change. You get a bit more adventurous. But for now, I'm just very satisfied with normal. What are you about you, Clint? I want to do all the stuff.

I want to do all the stuff. The problem is I'm reluctant to share it in case my wife finds out I'm telling people about all this stuff. And then she goes, well, we're not doing that anymore. No. She's throwing out the pink wig. Throwing out the mesh tattoo. Two-sleeves.

Imagine if Jamie came home one day with an actual full-sleeved and pink hair. Would you come before you even touched it? I'm gently encouraging the idea of... Jamie's beautiful anyway. She doesn't need any... I feel like if she had pink hair, it would almost be worse than what she currently looks like. I reckon she's pink. And a wig is fine.

She's pink. You know what I mean? a week will just do it for if we have 10 minutes and then take a week off in. I think she wouldn't suit the paint because she's so perfect the way she is. She's a classic beauty. Yeah. That was so few of us. It's like my daughter last night when she was like, Dad, why do you like Megan Fox?

And I was like, because she looks like your mom. And then Kim's like, can I see? So I'm like, sure. So I open up Megan Fox's Instagram. It's my daughter trying anything to go and sleep. It was the first one that came up when you went to the magnifying glass. She's got like 20. Clint runs an account, Megan Fox fan account.

She's got 21 million followers. She follows no one. She's not got a single photo on her wall, so she must have deleted or archived her photos. But obviously her profile picture is still there. So I clicked on her, and she's smoking hot, obviously. She's Megan Fox. And my daughter goes, Mom's hotter than her.

Oh, that's 10 out of 10, Ken. I was like, Cam. Correct. Maybe I need to pinch in more. Look, that's Megan Fox. She was like, yeah, mom's hotter than her. And then my wife was in the room. So maybe that's why she said that.

Yeah, and then she'd leave. She's like, oh, she's a mole. She's a mole. And, yeah, I was like, that's cool that my daughter is like big up and she and up her mom. Do you like Megan Fox as a blonde? I guess you like her any which way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Any which way?

Anytime she changes her hair or some sort of appearance, Meg will see it generally before me. I don't know if she's got notification. And she'll ping it through to me going, oh my God, look what Megan's done? Because she did pink hair once? She what? Did pink hair, did she? I had to, like, take the day off. Oh, dear.

No, I didn't. I still came in. I just masturbated. Are we leaving the bottom where I shoved stuff up by us? Well, yes, I told. It's up to you, and we can cut it out, but we will have to keep in the bit afterwards where we say Clint definitely, I mean, Dan definitely will have us to take that out. If you're going to regret. I'll have a listen and then...

Dan, I told you, he's like two people. He's the like, people are loving this, I'm going to give them more, more and more. And then he's the other guy going, you said too much, Dan, and he fights with himself, I think. I think all good performers are like that, because there is a narcissist in us that just needs to have the moment, but then we do overthink afterwards, and you spiral.

Maybe my narcissist guy's a bit too loud. Is that what it is? I don't know. And then the guy that's like the other guy that's inside me, what's his name, Clint? Jeff. Maybe Jeff's like, you know, a bit too quiet, he's a bit shy. He's a bit worried of the other guy that's, who's he,

what's his name? I think he's Kyle. Kyle's a bit of name for it. Yeah, Kyle and Jeff's like, Kyle, you need calm down, mate, because he's showing off again. And then you're like, Shut up, Jeff. Stick this, dildop my ass. Wait, hold on.

My ass? Or are they inside me fucking tildos up? Like, what's going on there? Anyway, maybe you can make it your... Was the only fans this filthy when Meg was on here? Oh, wait a good. Yeah. So maybe you could over the next 24...

So hold on. Jeff's inside me and then Gara, who's the other guy? Kyle. He's got to dood up his ass. Well, you're all one and the same person, I guess. You're just controlling the hands. It's like human sit to be. I reckon over the next 12, 24 months, you start collating items for your first ever sex bag.

I don't want a sex bag. My sex life is fine without a sex bag. But maybe me and Clint could give you one item each. It's not like crazy. Just things that we genuinely think you can enjoy. I don't want anything that Clint's put up his bum. No, no. Brand new, like, must have.

It's kind of like, I imagine if you're starting any hobby, you go, here's the basic starter pack. I've got remote control cars as a hobby. I don't need another one. Have you used a cock ring? No. Oh, I get amongst that. That's delightful for everyone involved. Does that make me, like, is that for the girl or the guy?

Both, but it can also cut off circulation, which means. Yeah, some of them are real tight. Yeah, yeah, but a little bit tight can be good. But it's like, it vibrates so that when you, when you thrust and make contact this. What was that? What you're talking to? Look to me and, but no, it would probably slip off a bit of a bit. I don't want Clint's one.

I could read that on my wrist. Dad, have you got a new necklace? That's just glitz-cockwreck. Okay, bye, guys. Bye. I'm not editing any of this out. I see tomorrow. Thank you.