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This is a podcast from Rover.
This is Clint, Meg and Dan's OnlyFans podcast.
A place where nothing is off the table and these three show who they really are.
Not recommended for kids. Let's hope there's not too much of this.
Oh, I've got a question. It's about gay guys.
Am I allowed to...
I don't know why. Is this your special skill?
You've been warned.
Actually, I've got a little thing, but I might just need five minutes to prep it.
Hey, we don't want you talking about the size of your wiener just before the podcast starts, Dan.
I've got a little thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was actually going to want to test you.
I thought about this, about your special skill, but I need to know what your special skill is.
So you know how everybody has...
Only one? Can we only give you one?
Well, everybody has like, you know, mastermind.
You go on there and you're on there for your special skill.
Okay?
So maybe it's not Mastermind.
Maybe it's not a show.
No, I guess...
But, like, everybody has...
A minute to win it.
Cooking or pop culture?
I think you need to be more specific.
Like, my special skill would be, like,
the year Formula One drivers won the championship.
Okay, Meg's would be you could give her a food and she could tell you what hot sauce brand you'd use.
Tabasco every time.
If you're listening, I'd love to hear your special skills and they have to be very specific.
You could get in touch with us on the podcast fam or we can maybe test them on the show.
What about the chick who said she could tell if someone's farted in a room?
I mean, that is a very specific.
We wanted to get her in, but she pussied out.
So her skill was there could be seven people in a room,
or she could just tell when a fart had been done.
A fart had been done.
Because that's not a skill.
Yeah, that was a.
She'd be like, oh, shit, yeah, someone's definitely farted in here.
That's how we thought the idea would go.
We're going to do a few rooms, get Clint to fart in a couple of them.
But then if she could come into a room
and go and send people
she went it was Clint
or Meg or me
and she could specify
who it was.
No that wasn't the skill.
It was just whether
someone had farted.
We just thought
when we talked it through
before we got her in
we're like the joke is
we just fart in every room.
And she just goes in
and just you know
I guess eats the fart
and sex six times.
At least one. And it's a specific thing
you could answer any question about it
it must be
Clint you're the same
I feel like you could ask me
I don't know
I'm generally good at motherhood things
at cooking
and pop culture
but I don't know. Someone's farted.
Someone's farted.
Clint, he's farted.
That's not a fucking special skill.
Disgusting. Yeah, I can fart on cue
when I do my farts and I thought I do want to see
who could smell it first. Well, I could smell it and does that
mean I'm as fucking talented as that other bitch that
texts me? You call her a bitch.
Oh, okay. Sorry about that. You don't know who it is. You might end up
dedicating the podcast to her later.
True.
I think we've got to stop with the dedications of podcasts
unless you're actually going to put in effort
and not just sit there and scroll for two minutes
trying to find someone.
Yeah.
Hey, hey.
True.
Agreed.
It doesn't mean anything.
It means you just make up, you just say they're beautiful,
they're wonderful, and you're still looking for them.
Okay, I'll do a meaningful one today.
Okay, here we go.
You're just finding them now.
I'm going to dedicate this to someone that I've seen pop up quite a few times.
He's doing it.
He's padding.
It's a real lucky dip, this.
Jacqueline Waterhouse.
Yep.
And what?
I think she's a gorgeous woman.
No, again, it's the same thing every time.
Her husband's going to find out where you live and smash you.
No, I don't know.
Her husband is gorgeous.
He's quite jealous.
I don't think gorgeous in a physical way,
because I mean gorgeous in all aspects.
You know, she's got a great personality.
Not just her face, but also her, like, rig and her, like, chest and stuff.
No, I haven't seen her face or her rig, to be honest.
I'm just saying.
The gorgeous comment means shit.
That's why we've got to stop doing them.
I'm voting ban for dedications.
But if people love them.
No, but they do.
At least it's them.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
I'm with Meg.
Oh, okay.
I'll stop doing them then.
Oh, now people are going to slide with him.
Oh, okay.
I thought it was just a fun thing to do.
Maybe.
If you had maybe thought that, you know,
and had read the list and it was specific about them.
Maybe if you liked and subscribed to this podcast
and you let us know,
then you get the dedication for the next one.
So we are still doing dedications.
Well, I don't know.
Oh, your feds said a fucking classic.
Fucking classic.
No, Meg doesn't want to do them anymore, so we won't do them.
Sorry, guys.
Oh!
I just think they should be actually specific if we're going to do them.
Oh, okay.
I thought specific was saying someone's name and just giving them a good day.
But unfortunately, Meg doesn't want that, So we won't do them anymore, everybody.
Why don't I do them and do them properly?
Yes, I do.
Yes, he's got it again.
Meg, you can't do it.
I thought I had a really good smell.
Are you sending them as well?
To be fair, I am cracking them to the right.
Yeah, you're cracking them that way.
So Dan, that could be your special skill.
You smell farts in a building before anyone else.
I do have a very sensitive nose,
but I wouldn't say it's my special skill.
No?
No.
Like if we're in a burning building.
It's a burden, if anything.
No, but you might be able to smell things like smoke or an electrical fire where you're like,
can you go smell that?
It's an electrical burner.
I can smell ants.
We've talked about that before.
Didn't you have a gag YouTube channel once where you said that you were really good at smelling appliances?
Yeah, it was called Dan Sniffs.
That's right, and we brought in appliances and you couldn't
sniff any of them.
He was blindfolded. We literally brought in toasters and kettles.
I think I was good at it.
You put a camera in front of me and I said, that's a digital camera.
Yeah, we think you were cheating towards the end.
No, I don't think so.
But anyway, that wasn't my thing. That wasn't the skill.
It was just that I'd smell it.
Jesus.
Clint keeps farting.
I'm done.
This is the sort of thing that pisses me off.
We've poo-pooed the whole idea of doing, you know,
dedications on the podcast.
You've almost shat yourself here.
I was just seeing how good your skill was.
Dan, you're fine.
I aimed at Meg's weight.
That was absolutely outrageous. if yeah that was absolutely
outrageous clint that was such a loud one and now like dan's all you're like your butt hurts
from fighting because i just said if we do dedications we should have them specific oh
now okay now i've got five people looking at me through the glass what we're doing for our
podcast i've got bella car, Meg, Dan and Nipi
all looking at me through the glass
like I'm a dangerous animal.
I've got very sensitive smell with this pregnancy.
Bullshit, Dan just called the fart twice before you.
Yeah, but you aimed that one at me.
I saw you lift your leg.
Dan, so are you and Meg going to do it from the headset?
We'll do it from the headset, yeah.
You put on that headset,
we're going to do the podcast from in here.
I feel like we probably should just notch this one up as a bit of a shitter and move on.
Oh, that's a bad attitude.
We can turn it around.
We can turn this around.
You said you planned the whole thing.
No, I was going to say, well, if you'd given me a special skill that you both have.
You would have had to go on a pre-pitch.
No, I can just do it as we go.
Okay.
My special skill is pop culture.
Okay.
Pop culture is very unspecific, but yes.
Okay, me.
Taylor Swift.
Taylor Swift.
Better.
Okay.
So anything to do with Taylor Swift.
I still don't think, I think I'm going to fail because I don't think I am that good at
Taylor Swift.
Okay.
Here we go.
Here's your first question.
Yeah.
What is the name of Taylor Swift. Okay, here we go. Here's your first question. Yeah. What is the name
of Taylor Swift's second
album?
Speak Now.
That is correct. Okay.
Okay. Thank you. If you can get five from five,
Meg, it is a special skill. Okay.
Meg, what is her boyfriend's
birthday? No, don't know.
Oh, that's very hard, Clint.
I don't know Travis Kelsey's birthday. Okayint i don't know travis kelsey's birthday
okay what's his age i'll give you that 37 oh 35 is he gosh he looks older doesn't he he's
he's younger than dan okay he's younger than dan and the moo in the song all too well me
i'm just doing these off the top of my dome now. They drink coffee.
What was on the car key ring?
What was written on it?
I have no idea.
You don't know?
I don't know on the spot, no.
Fuck the patriarchy.
Oh, fuck the patriarchy.
Come on, you should know that, Meg.
That is a real 101 Taylor Swift fact.
Sorry.
Okay, Clint, over to you.
Okay, Meg.
Both Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey are both 35.
How many months apart are their birthdays?
Well, hers is in December and I don't know his.
So what for?
I don't know.
Clint, you're doing really hard questions.
Five, four or five months.
Who's in December?
He's October.
Fuck, okay. Two, three. No, it was two.? He's October fuck ok 2, 3 no it was 2
that was easy enough
incorrect again
and if you get this question right
you have to come sit
if you get it wrong you have to come sit back in here with me
if you get it wrong you have to go and sit under Clint's seat
you have to go and sit by Clint's bum
ok here we go
ok here we go
how many songs are on Okay, you have to go and sit by Clint's bum. Okay, here we go. Okay, here we go. I feel sick.
How many songs are on the original 1989 album?
I'm not going to know.
14.
Okay, Clint, you're going to have to fact check that for me.
I don't know.
That's a total guess.
1989.
How many songs are on it?
Okay.
He's fact checking it.
If she loses this, she has to go and sit by Clint's bum.
We're not making a pregnant woman
who has sensitivity to smell sit by a man's ass.
We're not going to put that out to the world.
I don't like it either, but Dan made the rules.
21, baby!
Come here, Maggie.
You know what?
And if you're listening to this thinking this is just disturbing,
I agree with you.
I agree with you.
Oh, Meg's not playing by the rules.
I'm not sitting next to your ass.
Sitting in her own chair.
Sitting in her own chair.
Hey, rules are rules.
Oh, I've got a question.
It's about gay guys.
Am I allowed to?
I don't know why.
Is this your special skill?
I wrote it down.
I was thinking about it yesterday.
Oh, I'd love to know.
Maybe we've got like a gay listener, like a male gay listener, like podcaster.
I'd love to know what it's like being in a gay male relationship.
Like, you know how when you want to go away with the boys,
I want to go away with the boys in a weekend,
a couple of weekends time.
Yeah.
And my wife's like, oh, how many days will it be
and when will you be away?
Because blah, blah, blah.
It's like, oh, I reckon if you're in a gay relationship,
if I was in a gay relationship and my boyfriend was like,
hey, I want to go away for a couple of days.
I'm like, fuck, yeah, cool.
Two days, three days, take five days. Who cares? Like, we're all so chill. It's like, you want to go away for a couple of days. I'm like, fuck, yeah, cool. Two days, three days, take five days.
Who cares?
We're all so chill.
It's like, you want to go away, go away.
Because then I get some time to myself.
I think it's exactly the same.
I don't think it's absolutely the case
that just because it's two boys
does not mean that they're always both going to be chill.
He can go hang with his boys.
They're probably the same boys.
They would be with them.
There's always one nagger in every relationship
and there's always one that goes wayward.
Even that's better, Meg.
If you're friends with the same boys,
it's like, yo, I don't even have to ask for permission
to go and play golf this weekend
because we're both going to play golf with the boys.
Do you know what I mean?
And if we're not friends with the same people...
I think you're thinking of very maybe like
stereotypical straight men saying,
I want to go away with the boys.
Let me.
Surely if you're gay,
you want to hang out with the boys all the time.
That's the cool thing about being gay, I reckon.
You could just hang around at home and play
PlayStation and there's no one
nagging you. That'd be fun.
Guys, men are still naggy.
There will be naggy gay men.
I don't know about naggy gay guys. Yes, of course
there are naggy gay men. There are naggy gay
women. There are naggy gay men. There are naggy straight
men. There are naggy straight women.
Of course there are. But they've got to be pretty like few and far between. I reckon there are less naggy gay men, there are naggy straight men, there are naggy straight women. Of course there are. But they've got to be pretty
like few and far between.
I reckon there are less naggy guys in
gay male relationships. It'd be nice
to chat to someone who's been with
many different gay relationships
and us being like, is it like way more
chill and just you do what you want
and I don't know, the rules are way more
like loosey-goosey
than in a straight relationship.
I'm thinking about my gay male friends
and there is definitely, it's not more chill.
Oh, really?
From what I know, my, yeah.
There's always a naggy one.
Not naggy, but like I don't think,
I definitely don't see it as like,
they'll be like, yeah, go away for the weekend.
One time me and my friend, friend of mine,
we were at high school, I think, maybe even a bit older.
You and your straight male friend? Yeah, straight male, two straight males. And he came over, my friend of mine, we were at high school, I think, maybe even a bit older. You and your straight male friend?
Yeah, straight male.
Two straight males.
And he came over.
My mum was away, okay?
And he came over and we spent the weekend together in bed playing PlayStation.
Yeah.
And then what happened to the loser?
Oh, sexual stuff.
All right, the loser.
But I remember thinking, I remember thinking when we were playing PlayStation for like the 17th hour straight,
and I don't even think we had clothes on.
No, I was in my undies.
And we were just playing.
Sounds like the only thing that was straight
was the 17-hour gameplay.
Well, because we went to bed, right?
We went to bed.
No dirty stuff.
We just went to bed and slept, okay?
But I was sleeping in my undies,
and we woke up and started playing PlayStation again.
I reckon I didn't put any pants Or clothes on
Till at least 3pm that day
Because we were playing
Playstation
And I remember thinking
This is what it's like
To be gay
Because we just
Wake, wake, wake
Two guys
Sleeping in the same bed
No, no
What it's like to be gay
Is then you
Have sex with each other
Not necessarily
Not necessarily
No, I reckon gay guys
Get way more sex
Do they?
Because you know how
I think stereotypically
But I also think
Generally guys are just
Ready to go
At the drop of a hat
And there'll be women that
I'm sure
I like that as well
But I think for most women
It's like
Takes a little bit more
Effort and time
And emotions
And I think so with lesbians
No
Well okay yeah
From what I
Again another thing
That I know from the gay community
Is that lesbians get it on
All the time
All the time.
Wow, and I think that's kind of like gay guys.
I'm like, they must just be sitting there bored and being like,
do you want her?
And they'd be like, yeah, I guess.
Like, you know, sure.
And then it's on.
We're supposed to say, my wife, do you want her?
She was tired.
She'd be like, no.
Yeah.
And then I'm like, okay.
How about now?
No, okay.
Still not now.
I just know this about Hannah, my wife.
As soon as we get up from going, we go to bed, and then she gets up,
her pants are straight on.
Whereas my friend, when we're hanging out, when we're at high school,
he left his undies on all day.
You notice that?
He probably left frustrated as hell.
I'm like, fucking hell, what a cock tease.
No.
I was there all night in his undies, and he never once made it past me.
So what's this boys' weekend me and Dan are yet to be invited to that's happening?
What's the boys' weekend?
Yeah, because the city's got a boys' weekend in two weeks.
What's that?
Nipia, Carl, Dan.
I'll go to the lads' weekend.
It's the football team.
So unless you guys want to play footy as well.
That's good.
I'll go fuck myself.
Cheers.
Yeah, good one.
I mean, I know why I'm left out, because I'm a lady.
But you three boys, you're not invited.
That's a shame.
Yeah, where's the ball?
I think you guys are good enough to come up and play,
like, a football game up north,
and then after that I think they're going to go play some golf.
I'll fucking kick you in the balls.
That's about the only amount of ball play I'll be doing.
He's upset.
No, Dan wants to come, but he doesn't want to play any football.
He just wants to hit the showers.
I've always wanted to go.
That's what he wants to do.
I've always wanted to go, let's hit the shower, lads.
And they'll be like, you didn't even play.
I'm still a bit sweaty from watching that.
Oh, Dan, that's outrageous.
I'm joking. Fuck me.
Please don't in the showers, though.
Alright, well, if you are
a gay listener of our podcast
and you would like to answer some of my
curious questions.
Yeah, I don't know.
I've just got questions.
It's quite interesting when people just lead all sorts of different lives,
and I think a guy-guy relationship,
is it as luxurious and as fun as it appears from the straight world looking in?
I feel like let's go unusual,
because it's normal to be gay now.
Let's go like a swinger.
I want to hear what a swinger's life's like.
You could find out questions all about those different lifestyles.
There's this gay relationship and then swingers.
We can do the rounds.
Because if you're in a more conventional relationship,
I think when you hear of people that are living life outside of what you would call allowed in your relationship
and with the boundaries you guys have both set,
it's actually really interesting how some people do life.
I was talking to my wife Hannah the other day about a friend of hers
that's just announced they're in an open relationship.
So they've been together, I guess like us, in platonic relationships.
Is that the right word?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Does platonic mean there's no sex? You're just friends? You guys are still all in, I guess, like normal, what the right word? Platonic? Yeah. And no. Does platonic mean there's no sex?
You're just friends?
You guys are still all in, I guess, like normal.
What is the word?
Yeah, there is a word for it.
Yeah, just like normal.
Yeah, like guy-girl relationship.
Monogamous.
Monogamous.
Oh, fuck.
Monogamous relationships.
That means two people.
Yeah, platonic is two people sharing a close bond but don't have a sexual relationship.
Monogamy is like lots of people.
Anyway. No, monogamy is like lots of people. Anyway.
No, monogamy is just one person.
Polygamy is polyamorous.
Monogamy is a relationship with one partner at one time.
Carl could probably get us some interesting people to talk to
that he's even had on his podcast,
Married, Divorced and Dating.
You'd have some very interesting people
that live some very open-minded
or boundary-less relationships.
Yeah, we've actually talked to lots of people,
people in like throuples, people who are in open relationships
and all sorts of fetishes and stuff.
I'll go through the list, eh?
Yeah, so I've got a friend of mine, Hannah's close friend.
And now they're in an open relationship.
They've just opened up their relationship.
Are they open about being open to everyone?
Yeah.
So they're both seeing other people.
They're still in a relationship.
They've got kids.
But I said to Hannah, I was like, good on
them for like kind of
going, fuck it. We're happy
together and we still want to stay together
but we want to maybe explore
other stuff. And they've made that decision and
told other people about it and they don't
give a fuck what people say. I reckon
that's a massive, bold thing to do
because, let's be honest, people talk.
I really wouldn't have thought that that would have been your decision, Dad. I thought you would have been like that's room for, bold thing to do. Because, let's be honest, people talk. I really wouldn't have thought that that would have been
your decision, Dan.
I thought you would have been like, that's room for trouble.
No, because I would be against it if one person was doing it
behind the other person's back.
But I think if they've decided and they've got the guts
to come out and go, look, we're doing this,
and it's definitely not a normal thing to do,
and they're telling all their friends and stuff, that's cool.
A lot of rules, though.
I think you really need to sit down and work out what you think it looks like
is what they think it's supposed to look like.
Because if you meet somebody and then you're, like, going at it in town,
are you allowed to bring them home?
Or is it, like, you've got to get, like, a hotel or whatever so that you're not,
especially with kids, are you allowed to bring them home?
Oh, you wouldn't be able to bring them home with kids.
Yeah, the kids might not understand the open relationship
and how it works. And are you
allowed to keep seeing the same person for no more than
one month? Yeah, because otherwise it becomes
a partner. Yeah, well maybe it's a certain
amount of times, not a duration. So you're allowed three
times and then you've got to cut it off with that person.
Clint would use that rule. If you had an open relationship,
Clint would be like, sorry, my wife's
made this rule that I can only see you three
times. Sorry, sorry. That'd be him. That'd be like, Jamie, my wife's made this rule that I can only see you three times. Sorry.
That'd be him. That'd be like Jamie and my wife all ball and chain.
It's her rule. So I can't see
you anymore. And they're like, what do you mean? I'm falling in love with you.
And you're like, no, sorry, no more of this.
That's why we have the three date rule.
So you don't fall in love.
Yeah, it's an interesting one.
I don't know if they have the rules.
You'd have to have rules
Surely you'd have to
Yeah
I think they've kind of
Got this thing
Where it's just like
If the chance arises
I don't think they're
Actually actively going out
And seeking
Sexual partners constantly
Because they're married
But if you're out
You can do what you want
Yeah so I think
If they're out
And the chance arises
I think it gets blurry
When one person gets an offer And the other person doesn't because then jealousy comes in, right?
Yeah, you'd have to be a very non-jealous person, I think, to accept an open relationship.
And if you are going, yeah, sure, let's do that, and you are a bit of a jealous person, well, an open relationship is definitely not for you.
I also think it might be better on paper possibly of like, oh, yeah, that sounds fun.
Let's do it.
We're in love.
You know, like we trust each other.
And then you find out, like, maybe you haven't managed to get any.
You think that you can go and pull really easily,
but then your partner pulls way easier than you do.
Oh, yeah, that would be the story of my life.
Honestly, Hannah would be like, I'm going home with Derek tonight.
I'd be like, why is the name Derek, first of all?
And second of all, fuck.
And then she'd be like, I hope you're having fun.
Find a girl.
And you're like, yeah. She's like, you're pulling
on you and he goes, oh god, I'm pulling.
Oh god, Disney, I'd be mostly in that
cubicle over there by myself.
Yeah, you're right. You think you would absolutely
slay if you were single and then the reality
is, oh, actually.
Anna, we just got to Long Room and you're already
heading off with Derek.
Yeah, bugger.
That would suck.
Yeah, I couldn't do it.
How are you getting home?
I haven't drunk.
I've had a ginger beer, so I'm feeling a bit tired.
Yeah, actually, I haven't gotten off of Hannah,
so I'll drive you and Derek to this place.
Because she'll be like, no, we're going back to this.
Don't waste some money on an Uber.
Come on, Derek.
And you get, and Dan's driving them, and they're in the back like, no, we're going back to this. Don't waste some money on an Uber. Come on, Derek. And you get it, and Dan's driving them,
and they're in the back like, oh.
They're making out, and he's like, oh, I need a partition in here.
Derek, now come on.
Dan's like, do you guys want me to put some music on for you
or just see what the edge is playing?
What have we got?
Oh, there we go.
Rihanna, Kiss Me Better.
We very rarely play this in a week. Let's see what the edge is playing. What have we got? Oh, there we go. Rihanna, Kiss Me Better. God, we very rarely play this in the web.
This is the best.
It's been went.
Let's see what the breeze has got on.
Something out, surely.
I want to say to my boss.
Is it?
Please.
The rock won't let me down.
The rock will have something hard for them.
Oh.
What?
Do I pony?
Surely not. Okay, let's go on to National Conc for them. Oh. What? Do I pony? Surely not.
Okay, let's go on to National Concert FM.
Okay.
Get out, Derek.
Derek, get out.
Derek, because your phone
clings into my Bluetooth.
Okay.
We'll catch you tomorrow, guys.
Hey, we turned around, I think.
Yeah.
We did that. We did at the start of guys. Hey, we turned around, I think. Yeah. Love you guys.
Love you.
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Love you.
Love you.
Love you.
Love you.
Love you.
Love you.
Love you.
Love you.
Love you.
Love you.
Love you.
Love you.
Love you.
Love you.
Love you.
Love you.
Love you.
Love you.
Love you.
Love you.
Love you.