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This is a podcast from Rover.
Welcome to the podcast equivalent of a You Up text.
Messy, slightly regrettable, but you'll still come back for more.
This is the Clint, Meg and Dan podcast.
Hey everybody, welcome on to The Only Fans, Friday the 14th of March.
Who's winning the weekend this weekend?
I'm moving house this weekend, moving from West Auckland to another part of Auckland.
Although, to be fair, once you are all set up and stuff,
that'd be kind of cool.
They do say make sure the first thing you do is make the bed.
Because then at any point during the evening
when you've had enough of unpacking,
you can just go straight to bed and hop in.
You're not like, where are the sheets?
I need to rebuild the bed.
I suck at, like, flat packing.
Were you going?
Yeah, going to the North Shore.
Back to, like, my wife Hannah's from the North Shore,
so we're going back there.
Very fancy.
So now we can't make fun of Clint anymore
of being, like, the fancy guy
when me and Dan used to live in the Westwood.
And now you're in North Shore?
God, that's even fancier than Clint's area.
I wouldn't say North Shore.
There's parts of North Shore that are nice, definitely.
But I don't think there...
It's just like any part of the country.
There's nice parts and bad parts.
Not sure it's all nice.
No, God, no.
Have you been to Sunnyvale?
Oh.
That's in West Auckland.
Sunnyvale sounds lovely.
Sunnyvale's in West Auckland.
Oh.
There's another sunny place.
Sunny something nook.
Oh, really?
Sunny nook.
Is it Sunny nook?
Yeah, maybe it's Sunny nook.
Sunny Bank?
Sunny nook?
Sunny nook.
Sunny side?
Yeah, Sunny nook. Oh, lots of sunnies in Nook? Sunny Nook. Sunny Side? Oh, wow.
Oh, lots of Sunny's in there.
It sounds very good.
Sunny does sound nice when you go in there.
It's like bloody quite dark.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, like cloudy.
Yeah, not very nice.
Yeah, no, I'm a shore boy.
Sunny Nook, yeah, it's nice, but it's kind of like it's part of Glenfield,
which is like the west of the North Shore.
So you are kind of just going from one west to another.
You're not in Sunny Nook, though?
No, I'm not in either of those.
Oh, you're not?
Where are you?
Takapuna.
Okay, mate.
That's where all the young mums in their active wear are like 28
and they're like pushing their carts around.
$5,000.
Lamborghini prams.
Wow, Mr. Fancy.
He is the fanciest on the show.
Oh, come on.
You've got the best postcode now out of all of us, 100%.
I think Clint lives near that girl that's in the White Lotus.
Oh, look at him trying to.
He lives down the road from White Lotus, lady.
Oh, Taika Waititi probably has a place in Takapuna.
He probably does.
I think he's our next-door neighbour, actually.
Isn't that where Lord grew up?
He's got a shitty little place.
Yeah, doesn't he have a tiny little helipad next to yours?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I said he could borrow ours if he wants.
Dan's got one of those places where he can just push his jet ski
straight off the backyard into the water.
Yeah.
Oh, have you been to visit it?
Oh, shit.
You should come.
You'd love it.
You'd love it.
Thanks.
Anyway, this podcast, another dedication going out to Ellie Mae Parker.
Now, the thing about Ellie Mae is she's been a member of the podcast fan for quite a while.
She's not a rising member.
She's not a top contributor, but she does pop in and out every now and then.
And she just messaged a couple of days ago saying that she called for cash strapped and didn't get through,
but she had a lovely compliment for our friend Carl in the producer booth.
That's one way to get on next week.
Yeah, she said she has major anxiety
about calling the show, which you shouldn't.
You should never have anxiety about
calling us. But she said that Carl
was so lovely to her on the phone that it was almost like
winning anyway.
Oh, Carl!
That's nice. Who is this?
It's Ellie Mae Parker.
Thanks, Ellie Mae. It was nice to talk to you, too.
So good on you, Ellie Mae.
This podcast is going out to you, my friend.
We really appreciate you.
We could grab a drink or something if you want, Ellie Mae.
Okay, I think just end there.
That's enough there.
You're a married man, Carl.
Oh, that's right.
Now, I'm a little bit upset with you.
You've been using your farts throughout the show today.
You better have one in the chamber.
Oh, God.
As you say fart, I could
fart right now because you've just said fart
and it makes me want to fart. But then the problem is we spent so long
getting the intro and stuff out, it shoots back
inside me. Do you want to do it fast then?
I wonder if you know how
we talked about it the other day
and I need to talk about this on the show actually
but we talked about my vocal
stim. I've had so many people
messaging me about them saying that they've got a vocal stim as well
And not necessarily have ADHD
Not as embarrassing as yours though
No, a lot of people making noises
Or doing things physically with their body
I wonder if that's you
I wonder if your vocal stim is farting
Because you do it a lot
No, it's just because if you keep it in
You get a sore tummy
Do you though? I've never held in a fart that much That I've keep it in, you get a sore tummy. Do you, though?
I've never held in a fart that much that I've gone,
oh, I've got a sore tummy.
Yeah, I need to go all the time.
Really?
Yeah.
Maybe you've got something wrong.
Your gut health maybe needs seeing to.
Have you thought of getting some Yakult prebiotics?
Maybe I just eat foods typically that make you gassy.
Yeah, beans, cabbage.
Nah.
Protein shakes.
Oh, yeah, there it is.
There it is.
There he is, protein boy.
Is that it?
Does that make you gassy?
The funny thing is it doesn't go to your legs, though, does it?
It stops at your bum and escapes.
That's not nice.
Hey, you know that guy Will?
You may remember him, the guy who won 5,000 ear points
and then said he was going to take me to the Warriors in Vegas.
Listener Will, yes.
Yeah, and then he didn't.
We called him Won't.
Yeah, we changed his name to Won't.
And I never actually genuinely expected him to,
although there was like 1% because you never know.
Sometimes people will really surprise you and you're like, oh, shit.
Maybe.
He's been teasing me with the corporate box tickets.
And he messaged me again yesterday being like,
we're on for the 21st, which is this time next week,
next Friday.
So he's promised you.
And then he was like, yeah, mate,
you let me know the best address to send these tickets to.
So I've done that.
And now I wait.
So I feel like he's.
Okay.
Why are you dubious about Paul Will?
He's. Oh, just, you know, fool me once, you know, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.
But I don't know about you, Meg, but I think it was a long shot that he was ever going to take Clint over to Vegas to see the Warriors.
I never thought for a second it was real.
Not for a single second.
It's risky to take someone you've never met on a long trip away.
That's true.
You know, like you don't know what that sort of person... Although we do that when we do like,
when we've done Rarotonga,
we did like Bali rebounders and we took...
The difference with that is you're going with people
you know as well.
So you can fall back on them.
Say for instance, everybody you go with is crazy and nuts.
At least you can talk to Meg or something.
No, Meg was the crazy one.
Her and our old producer Alex
were in the pool doing synchronised swimming
and then making all of us watch film from the balcony.
I would have been in there with you.
Thank you.
We did a full routine.
Obviously not appreciated.
And it's because we couldn't wait to exercise elsewhere
because if we went to the gym,
Clint was the person that blasted his own music
out of his loudspeakers and on his headphones.
So everyone in the gym had to listen to Clint.
Excuse me, everyone in the gym would have had to hear it
if I wasn't the only person in the gym.
Oh, I wonder why other people didn't go in the gym.
There was no one there, and I was like,
oh, fuck, I'm going to just play my own tricks.
It was silence.
Who doesn't want to hear a little Tupac
if they're doing a weight session?
Oh, it depends on your music tastes.
Yeah, well, if you don't like it, I was there first.
So move, bitch, Get out the way.
That's not Tupac.
No, it's not.
It would have been better if it was.
It would have been more sense.
If you'd had some sort of Tupac reference there,
that would have been uncanny and very good from you.
Yeah.
That's why they call you bitch.
That's why they call you bitch.
Your dear mama really made a mistake with you.
Yeah.
That's another one.
I think you need to make some changes Clint
You're going to struggle to crowbar California love into the chat
That's why I haven't done it
You do it
Anyway
And what are you doing this weekend Meggie?
I am
I'm playing a lot of split fiction
Whenever my daughter is
What?
What is that?
I think I just suck at all the things you're doing.
You're just playing a lot of PlayStation.
Oh, split fiction PlayStation.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm also growing a fucking hand and probably a heart
and keeping a living being inside of me alive.
Oh, baby.
I thought you were just growing a hand.
That's weird.
I was like, what?
That sounds creepy.
No, I'll be doing bits and bobs with the TOLTA,
keeping her entertained, and then when she goes to bed, I'll be doing bits and bobs with the Tota, keeping her entertained,
and then when she goes to bed,
I'll be playing PlayStation.
It's actually good that you like playing it as much
because otherwise I think you and your husband
would have a lot more fights
because he is such a gamer.
He has his own podcast, Extremely Casual Gamers.
I learned to like it.
I grew up watching my brother,
so that probably helped,
but then I learned to like it
because my husband had such interest in it.
I wanted to join
in as you said
because otherwise I
was just left out and
so we found games
that two players had
and I now I now in
fact guys I was
really proud of
myself like I'm
beating him good on
you like it just
like there'll be
things where like
I'll finish a level
and then I'll be like
he would have died
or something and I'll
be waiting for him
maybe every time but
enough so that it's
I don't feel like I'm
holding him back
you finish before him
quite often.
Good for him.
Good for him.
I wonder whether you've found a little calling that you didn't know you had. You know, because
sometimes you just don't do things because you don't
think you'd be good at them. Yeah, that's true.
And then you do it and you're like, hold on, shit, I'm quite good at this.
It feels a lot like driving
playing PlayStation in the way when you first start
you're like, how do I look?
How do I walk?
It feels like the hardest thing in the world
and then your fingers and thumbs do just start
to remember the buttons.
Does that make sense?
I remember the first...
If I first started to walk around,
I'd be like, you'd get seasick of me trying
just to walk in a straight line being a character.
I remember the first time, I remember it vividly,
the first time I put my hands on a PlayStation controller.
Yeah.
I remember someone, we'd hired it, I think,
because we couldn't afford one when we were kids.
Oh, I remember hiring them.
Yes, and, like, United Video and shit.
It was the best weekend.
And I remember I looked forward to it all week.
Like, all week, I was like,
fuck, mum's going to let us hire a PlayStation this weekend.
And I remember pulling it out of the bag and holding the controller
and going, fuck, yes, this is, like, how do we even hold it?
All weekend. Yeah, and it just, how do we even hold it? All weekend.
And just from Friday night
when we picked it up till Sunday afternoon, I just
sat there and just like, oh my god, this is the dream.
One of the happiest
days, weekends of my life. So why was I
being laughed at when I said I'm going to play
PlayStation this weekend? Because I just know that you
would be doing many other things.
Yeah, but I just don't plan.
I'm sure that what I'll do is I'll Google
what's on for kids in
Auckland. Yeah. I wish I could
relive that day of playing
PlayStation for the first time.
God, it was a joyous occasion. Now I just never
get the time to play it. Are you
old enough to remember Sega Master System?
Yep, that was my first ever console.
But the thing was,
the controllers
for the Sega Master System
were completely different to PlayStation.
The PlayStation controller revolutionised the gamepad.
You know?
And then Xbox kind of copied it after that.
Yeah, and then you used to get the games where you go...
And then put it back in.
No one relates to that, Clint.
I think that must have been before our time.
We're really showing our age.
We're really showing our age.
Well, if you played Sega Masters, you would have.
Yeah, you'd blow on the cartridge.
Nintendo 64.
Yeah, the old fucking cartridge you have to pull out
and blow all the time with bell toads and shit.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, Alex the Kid was a great game.
Yeah.
But I really want to play the one that Meg's suggesting.
What is it again?
Oh, so fun.
It's so great.
It's called Split Fiction.
Yeah, if you're wanting,
because there's actually not many now,
cooperative games,
local cooperative games
where you can play
and sit next to your friend
and play it.
It's all online most of the time.
Are you too young to remember
pulling it out and blowing on it?
Dan, he's asking you.
I remember it quite vividly the first time I pulled it out and blew on it
Hit the jams baby
Put it back in again
What did you say?
Hit the jams hun
Play a song my boy
Use your fingers
Hit the mouse
Hit the mouse Hit the James Clint A fart that'll leave you with teary eyes
Guess the fart, what's that smell?
A stinky mystery for us to unveil
Guess the fart
You let all that out so it makes it sound like I was cool there, right?
Yeah, I've cut all that, mate
Big time, baby
Dan, you go first because I always suck at guessing these ones
Okay, so he's farted on me already today,
and I'm going to go similar to what he did that time.
That's a good one.
Damn it, that was good.
Here he goes.
He takes that again.
See you later.
You're a fucking pig Come back
They've all gone
So have a great weekend guys
If you're still here
Thanks for listening
Bye thanks for listening bye