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This is a podcast from Rover.
Welcome to the podcast.
That should have been cancelled before it even started.
This is Clint Big and Dan's OnlyFans.
Podcast, that is.
Hey, everyone.
Welcome to the OnlyFans podcast.
I've just watched the trailer for Wuthering Heights.
Looks today.
Jacob All righty and Margarobi.
Look, it looks nothing like the book.
But with these things, I think you just think of them as separate things.
And it's very sexy the trailer.
It looks a bit weird.
Like one of those movies, you'd be like, what was that?
That was a little old.
Yeah, like lots of putting fingers in mouths.
Yeah.
Yeah, a bit odd, but I think my nightmare, obviously.
I don't mind that.
Can you imagine how much antibacterial gel would be required
if I was going to put even someone I love's finger in my mouth?
What do you think about Margot, Robbie?
I love her because I'm Australian, obviously.
Put Margo's finger in.
Any orifice, really?
My mouth.
I mean, as I thought that, I'm like, hold on, she might have a husband
and that's disrespectful to her and her union.
You've got a wife, but if you were too consenting adults.
Yeah, that's what I mean.
Hypothetically, we were both single, and she liked putting her fingers in my mouth
in my mouth, happy days.
Yeah, would you let Margie.
Magarabi put her finger in your mouth?
I think so.
She'd have to wash her hands.
Me too, also.
She's beautiful.
I really like Margarobi.
I think she's a great actress.
And I think she'll probably win an Oscar.
Jacob Alorty can't stand the guy.
Really?
Is he the guy from Saltburn?
Everyone says he's really nice.
He's Australian too, I believe.
He's always in the news for being like yelling at people.
He was just the other day.
He yelled at someone on the recap.
He said, don't tell me what to do.
Because the security guard was rushing him away from the fans.
But the security guard, I felt sorry for the security guard.
I felt sorry for the security.
he's kind of just doing his job
and you are a very privileged
rich like Hollywood celebrity
Yeah it's a gross thing to say to someone
He could have just said
Like please don't touch me
Or like just give me a minute
I'll be done in a minute
You're on a red carpet
You're the peak of privilege
Shut the fuck up
I can't stand it
He was the main guy
Whose parents were like loaded and saltburn
A metre 96 tall
He's almost two metres tall
And he's Australian too which means Margot
And him are both Aussies
Yeah he's got his head in the clouds clearly
You're so jealous of him
Look how angry he gets
He's disgusting
I don't even think he's that good
Everybody's like he's so good looking
I think he looks like it looks like
Sid the Sloth
Oh my God
What did Jack Molli ever do to you
Look at what he did to me
He's what he's done to a few people
That don't deserve it
Just the security guy
Look at his jealous face
No no
Even the way he's saying stuff
Sounds kind of jealous
Yeah exactly
Who else do you hate in Hollywood
Markle
Oh we know that
Megan Marko
Doesn't like Chapel Rohn
He hates
Chapel Road.
We love the end of Subway.
And Dan's like, no, it's so pick me.
The whole thing's just...
I think she's like, listen to my voice.
God!
Got away.
Oh, I love it.
She's got away.
If she was on the fucking subway, I'd get on to the next stop.
I think you don't like people that you perceive as ungrateful.
I think that's what it is, yeah.
Because I do this job, but I know I'm nowhere near the peak and the powers of the
people. But if I can
be thankful for doing what I do and be like, this is the best job
ever. And if someone, a security guard came in here,
I'd never yell at them.
No way. You know? Like, how... Who are you?
I think...
Nah, because then you have other people like The Rock who's so much more
famous than, say, a Jacob, a lordy.
And he, you just hear, like, the nicest thing.
I know. But I often find that happens when people
achieve that operationalons of fame, they learn the lesson.
And it's like, Adelaide Levine used to be like a real dick.
And whenever he depressed, none of us wanted to interview him, blah, blah, blah.
And then, like, Maureen got five, got really famous.
And they had, like, the period of, like, where they weren't cool anymore.
They'd have to have a fall from grace.
He had the fall from grace.
And after that, he was so nice.
Because he realized.
That's no, that's no excuse.
Just because you've had a fall from grace and it's brought you back down to earth.
But maybe it doesn't matter how fast you become famous or how slow or the fall.
Maybe it just depends on, like, the core.
people you have in your life
in terms of your friends and family
maybe some family members just will not
let you forget where you came from
and then others just don't have that
so they become dickheads
and Aussies tend to stay pretty grounded
like everything about like Keith Urban
lovely human
Russell Crow like
yeah no you don't really hear
he like yells at people but when they deserve it
like you know the chapel round thing was interesting
because I really liked when she first came out
You know, when she first was doing music, I was like,
fuck, she's different, she's cool, she seems lovely.
And then she started doing all these interviews,
and she just came across in grateful,
complaining about it.
And like, if you look at the world at the moment
and all the stuff that's going on,
you have got nothing to complain about Chapel.
I think she was standing up for the right things at times
and trying to make a difference with the platform that she had.
But then I think she kind of missed the mark a few times
and it undermined the really credible things she was trying to do
for, like, women and music and the double standards and stuff,
which was all completely, like, fair of what she was saying.
But then she just always seemed to be complaining,
and I think our voice got quieter.
I've texted my husband, like, ages ago to ask him to heat me up a piece of lasagna
because I'm so tired.
And then at 10-11, he said, yep, and it's 10-16,
and I can see him at his desk just sitting there.
Maybe it's still in the microphone.
I reckon if I text him and say, could you hit me up a bit of lasagna?
he'll fucking jump.
Is he at home, like a real, like, cheerleader of yours?
In what, give me a context.
Like, if you do something great, he'll always be like,
that thing you did was really great.
Yeah.
He's very good at that, isn't he?
Yeah, like messaging or telling.
It's very...
I am really hungry.
Could you heat me up?
Have you got any extra food that I could have?
I mean, great parents do that.
That's why we have star charts.
We're rewarding good behavior.
But just because you should do that,
and most people would respond to it,
doesn't mean all bosses do do that.
And he definitely does do that.
I'm glad that he's like that as a boss.
Actually, what I'm going to do is I'll ask something different.
So you've already asked for your lasagna.
I'm going to say I'm really hungry.
Could you get me something from a vending machine?
And we'll see who he gets first.
I could never do that.
Because what if he doesn't know I'm joking?
And then he thinks he can just message me and get the boss to get me a pack of the chums.
No, it has to be something from the vending machine.
Otherwise, it's too easy.
I'm so hungry that I'm weak.
I thought you were going to say something.
All I've eaten today's nuts.
And I've been awake for six and a half hours.
So I just said, hey, I'm really hungry.
Could you please get me something from the vendo, please?
ASAP, Rocky.
ASAP.
Who's he talking to?
ASAP.
ASAP, I've said.
Hey, you also teased, I'm not sure where we'll land with this,
but there may be people tuning into this podcast go,
oh, I'm listening because at 9.30, live on the show this morning,
you got sent another package, and it's full of adult diapers,
courtesy, I think, of Meg.
It's a joke that's been going on too long.
And we wondered if you took a full adult wee in one,
whether there be any leakage.
I don't want to do it.
And that's okay.
That's your choice.
Here's why.
Because one day I could become Prime Minister.
No, you're never going to get to be Prime Minister.
No, I could.
One day I could become Prime Minister and this sort of shit they fish out and go, look, he pissed or nappy.
There's already so much that you've done this show that would be.
What, name one thing that would make me not be Prime Minister?
I'm too tired because I haven't eaten.
Four, three.
What about when you were nude and you got your mate's dad to try and get you down from the tree?
There's no footage of that.
Unless you come to the press.
conference when I'm accepting the Prime Minister thing
and you go, he climbed up a tree nude
and his friend had to get him down.
Well, you said you don't have a sex bag.
Christopher Luxon doesn't have a sex bag.
I bet he does.
He doesn't.
He'd have some fucked up shit in that too.
No, he would.
I don't even think he knows what sex is.
Seymour would.
What videos do we have of...
We have videos of Dan doing all sorts of crazy shit.
The fact that you can't even think about them
and makes me think I could be a prime minister.
Do you really think you'd be a good prime minister?
I think I would like to get into politics.
one day.
Get off your fucking desk
and please, for the love of God
hate me up some lasagna. I'm sorry.
We can see the boss
slash Ash's husband
like through two panes of glass.
There's only probably about
what, 20 metres from us?
Tell him, maybe you go out, Neeps and go
I just try calling you
and hopefully you're looking at his phone.
Yeah, fucking smell her. Yeah, off he goes.
So Neeps, our producers going out there just to
give him a little bit of a heads out. Don't look at him, no.
Don't look, Ash.
Are we going to pretend we're not on here?
Like we're just, just, just,
Just trying to excuse us for us.
Oh, he's looked at his phone now.
Don't look, don't look, don't look, don't.
No, never.
Just pretend.
Talk to him.
So now, but now he's going to, now we're going to see who's more important.
What are you?
Obviously me.
Well.
He's moving.
Now he's off.
Now where's he going?
Is he going to come back with something from the beginning of the show?
Or is he cut a coat?
He hasn't taken the lasagna with him, so he's not heating up my lasagna.
Oh, do you want to play guest to far while we wait for him?
Yeah, okay.
Oh, no, no, no, because then he's going to come in.
No, well.
Give me my fucking love.
A fart that'll leave you with teary eyes.
Guess the fart was that smell.
A stinky mystery for us to wonder.
Guess the fuck.
Okay.
Oh.
You fucking dog.
We know who's more important.
Thanks, Dave.
Do you want one?
Ash's husband, our boss is just brought.
I'm famished.
You aren't allergic to that cake.
I just want one piece of lasagna.
Please, darling.
I'm so hungry.
Now he's got the dilemma.
How long does he keep the gag going?
Because it'd be quite funny if it was for about another hour.
Two hours would be twice.
It's funny.
We can have another shape.
Yeah, look, you have them down.
Okay, I'm ready to go.
I'm locked and loaded.
I feel like if I was walking around with a gun,
I'd have the safety off right now.
Now remember he didn't do one last week
I'm going to go
No it was Tuesday it was the wrong day
Oh fuck have we done this two days in a row
Two weeks
I didn't do it with one week
Twice in one week guys come on we've got to get better
Pick a fart
Um
Um
Ready?
Yeah
Are you ready?
Yep
Fire in the hole
Another wet fart
That's exactly
Give me my shake
Give me my shake
I was just the one far.
I thought you'd get a couple out.
I like staying in the studio afterwards.
Yeah, thanks.
I like basking in it.
It's a weird bit.
Yeah.
It's a weird finish that you've got.
I know.
I'm also very lazy.
Yeah, so you don't want to go anywhere.
Good job, Dawn.
Oh, thank you.
I'm really proud to know you.
Have a great weekend, guys.
But I'll go and try and do one again.
Okay, you're going to do one.
Yeah, but you do it.
What are you doing?
Hold on.
Let me get my microphone down.
Okay, you do one and then we'll call it on the weekend.
I'm just going to pull my pants down.
Don't look at my bum.
Okay, go.
Keep pushing.
You've got it, you've got it, you've got it out.
Oh, gosh, nothing's coming out.
You've got to really, almost like, can you burp on Q?
No, I can't do any.
You know how you're like, you've got to take in a bit of a, yes.
Go try again.
Jesus, Ashley, Ashley.
I'm out. I'm bloody out. I'm so out.
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