The Edge Breakfast - ONLYFANS Massage with a rager?

Episode Date: June 8, 2025

This is a podcast from Rover. This is the OnlyFans podcast with Clint, Meg and Dan. It's not meant to be as explicit as the actual OnlyFans, but most of the time it is. Kia ora everybody, welcome along to the OnlyFans podcast with Clint, Meg and Dan. Good to see you. I haven't done a dedication for a while. So what, Meg, while you're doing that,

she's just doing a bit of research behind the scenes, getting ready for her content that she's going to present to us, Clint. Yeah, it's been a funny... I feel like I'm the only one that's stuck to the schedule and I don't know why I've got every day now. Hey, I had something today. Oh, what did you say? Yeah, yeah, no, no, we'll do your thing now.

No, no, no, what's your thing? Yours is Monday's. This is going out to Laura Stanley. And she just said that she's got a little appreciation post for us today. She said she was driving to university today for one of her final semester exams feeling overwhelmed and anxious. Oh for a last exam? Yes. I'd be pretty pumped. No but you there's your last exam you're wanting to nail it right so you feel anxious about. Right rather than being like oh I'm finally done with my study. But Clint, Meg and Dan you guys have calmed my nerves so much always have a good laugh

listening to you guys so good luck Laura on your exam today. You're probably gonna hear this after the exam. Laura I was gonna say listening to us ain't gonna make you any smarter. Tell you that much for free. So I'd still be nervous as you know. Going into that last exam. That could be the difference between like winning in life and being a loser. Yeah. That last exam and yeah I mean maybe not. But don't put the pressure on her because she's already feeling the pressure clings So don't pile it on she's listening to us for a bit of escapism No, some of the people that are like the most successful people in life or the people that I know didn't even go to uni

That's not to say don't go but it's just I think it's give us an example of someone that's really successful that never went to uni Well, my brother's one of them But he was just studied an apprenticeship. So that's I... Oh, he did a boatbuilder's apprenticeship. He didn't go to uni, he didn't study. So hold on, is he building houses with no qualifications on building? Oh no, and then he went and did like a builders ticket as well. Exactly, so he studied.

That's a study. Yeah, I suppose, okay. Yeah, maybe I'm not giving the bro enough credit here. That's like me, like if I went and built houses now, I can't even know how to fucking say it. But like, I can't because I've got no qualifications whereas he does so right then it's your morning you said you've got something okay well my thing is the segment that I brought to the show last week where Meg you went out into the

office okay I've got something here thanks Meg right here we go it's am I the arsehole Clint doesn't want to do it because he knows it's his turn. Yes, go. What were you saying? Would you bring a joy for him to go out and wear his mouth and ears? No, it's... Meg, you know how you gotta play to your strengths? It's like watching someone who's a swimmer do long jump. It's not that fun. But I had to fucking do it. You didn't have to actually. Dan was going to do it and then you...

I don't know what you were thinking that day. I think I just get so annoyed when I get made out... I guess like when you have a chant Clint that I'm like not game or like... Yeah Meg doesn't want to feel that she's a pike. I hate the idea that especially for some reason the woman on the show is normally like dishes it out but not able to take it. And I was like well fuck if I dish it out today and I might As well do it myself. Yeah, you know you take it more than most women I know. I take it quite quite a lot So I would say that it's my times over it's Clint times for Clint to take it. I want to watch Clint take it for once

I'm sick of watching me take it Sometimes it makes me repulsed You took it a lot last week. Yeah I did. How about over the weekend? Did you take it at all? I didn't take it a lot last week. Yeah, I did. About over the weekend, did you take it all? Did you know what? I didn't take it a lot. Didn't you? No, I didn't.

For me. Cause Dad's married life now, man. Really? Yeah. Right, what are we doing? Okay, are we doing Clem, are we doing it? Am I the asshole for you? Am I the asshole, I think, yeah.

Here we go, okay. I always think if you have to, I think I'm always erring on the side of, yes, you're an asshole. Cause if you have to ask... That always the case. No? Nah.

I'd say if you go on Reddit and you look at Am I the Arsehole? the page, most of it is not you're not the arsehole. You're not? Nah. This is a very strange Am I the Arsehole can I say, because I don't think anybody's the arsehole in this situation, but I think they didn't know where else to go. But if we're a judge, we have to either see them guilty or not guilty. I don't think they're guilty.

It's a bit... Okay. Okay. This is how it starts. Mail. I am fucking obsessed with Tic Tacs. Tic Tacs? Tic Tacs.

The lolly. The lolly. I wouldn't say they're a lolly. They're a breath mint, but yep. Continue. I've been buying them in bulk, where each container has 200 candies each, and they come in bulk packs of 12 containers. I tend to eat them by the handful while I'm working or gaming.

A handful of them is one packet. 2400 tic tacs. Wait, so hold on, he says I tend to eat them by the handful. You'd have to empty a whole packet into your hand for that to be a handful. Because have you seen a packet of tic tacs? Yeah, there's not that many really. Maybe two handfuls at a stretch. No, you're high if you think it's two handfuls worth.

I tend to eat them by the handful while I'm working or gaming so in a day I can easily slam through one to two containers. You'd be shitting. If I had 400 tic tacs, I'd be shitting. I would be. Now keep on mind that on the nutrition label it says one serving size is one candy. The serving size is one candy. And they're listing-

Wait, wait, one candy and that's the serve? And that's the serving size. Well they're just saying like, you know, having one candy these are all the nutritional facts about the candy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. And it's listed as zero calories, which I thought, that's awesome awesome because I can have as many as I want. This is where they've gone wrong guys. Over the past year I've gained about 18 kg. They've rounded down.

And nothing about my eating habits has changed as far as I'm aware. I told my doctor about it and she was a bit worried. So she had me do a bunch of blood work to see if there was any reason why I gained so much weight in such a short period of time. This is a weird, am I the asshole? Everything came back normal. I know. Everything came back normal. She referred me to see a weight loss doctor who would then have me see a dietician.

I've been working with the dietician for a few months now and we keep a food log. I had a virtual visit with her today and during that I was fiddling around with an empty container to keep my hands busy. She saw it and asked where I got such a large container of tic-tacs from. So I told her about it, how I eat one to two of those containers a day. Why hasn't that come up? Why has that not come up at all until now? They've not said anything. She asked why they weren't on my food track and I said it's because they're zero calories so they don't count.

Fucking idiot. Apparently I was very very wrong about this. She explained to me that food companies can label something as being zero calories if the food serving sizes contains five or least calories. So like they could be four calories for a tic tac but they can say zero if it's five or least calories. So like they could be four calories for a tic-tac but they can say zero if it's five or least. Why not just say four? In reality each individual tic-tac has about two calories so essentially since the container is 200 pieces I have typically one to two of those I've been

eating four to eight hundred plus calories a day of tic-tacs. And that's not including lunch that's just on top of everything. In addition to all the other foods I've been eating, which is very likely why I've gained so much weight. Which I'd say would probably be about a third to a quarter of an average male's daily intake of calories. Isn't that absolutely mental. So the whole question was, am I the asshole

if I'm not telling my daughter how many tic-tacs I ate a day? Yeah, I can't believe it. After all that. I got, yes, I think you literally went to the doctor about why you're putting on so much weight and you've been eating two packs of lollies a day and you didn't bring it up. To be fair though, of all the lollies that I would have thought would have very little effect on your body, it would be tic-tacs. And he went on to say, I assumed that they were made with like xylotol

or artificial sweetener to make them zero calories. You know, like you can drink diet coke and if you were drinking diet coke, those aren't calories. I've always thought that's no calories. No, I think diet coke, if you drink lots of diet coke, you're gonna put on weight.

Why? But it's zero calories. I think what happens is the artificial sweetener, your brain doesn't realize the difference So when it comes in it thinks it's sugar and then releases insulin. I was listening some podcast about I'm probably remembering it wrong But effectively your body starts doing the things that it would normally do when it senses sugar So when it realizes by the time it realizes its artificial sweetener It's already going through the process that your body would go through So who the fuck can eat 400 tic tacs a day anyway?

Well, we're like, with the main thing. I could eat 400 tic tacs a day. You could not eat 400 tic tacs a day. Most people would be able to eat them like, 400, oh God, they're so tiny. They're literally tiny. There's no way, there's no fucking way. See, mid-12th, yeah, a can of Diet Coke

contains zero calories. So I could eat. It's a sugar-free low calorie soft drink. But then it says low calorie. It's low calorie. Zero calories and low calories, okay. I'm gonna ask Chet GBT. Chet GBT.

You would put on weight. No you wouldn't. You wouldn't. You shouldn't, otherwise that's, well that's what the Tic Tac thing is. Well I thought calories were the things that made you put on weight. I put on weight.

So a coke has 155 calories, but a diet coke or a Coke Zero has zero calories. Five cans of Diet Coke, which is zero calories. A day. So 400 calories of Tic Tacs, do you think you're absolutely capable or impossible of... No, I'm not, no, because I don't want to challenge on the classic radio where you get me to eat 400 fucking Tic Tacs. Boring.

No, you would not gain weight from calories if you drank 12 cans of Diet Coke per day because it contains zero calories. You won't store fat from it since there's no energy to store and you won't break your calorie deficit. That's crazy. I always thought, like I would always drink Diet Coke as a, you know, I'd be very careful how much I drink because I always thought it makes you put on weight just as much as other drinks. So you might have a lot of caffeine that's not good for you, you might feel hungrier

because of the sweet taste without actual sugar, that's tricking your brain like you said, Clint, but you're not actually gonna put on weight. Which I then say, if that man lived in America, they could sue. You know in America you can sue for anything? If it says zero calories and he was putting you on weight, and zero calories shouldn't make you put on weight,

then I would sue Tic Tacs. Fucking hell, of course I would. Yeah, especially if- You're the one that told me it's zero calories should make you put on weight then I would sue tic tacs. Fucking hell, of course I would. Yeah especially if... You're the one that told me it's zero calories. The person that's buying tic tacs is not checking the bank going, oh four calories of tic tac and putting them back. So just be honest on the back, half of us aren't even reading what's on the back. Two calories. If it says zero calories it should be zero calories.

So did you guys ever listen to the Carl Pilkington and Ricky Gervais podcast? Yeah all the time. So one of the episodes Carl talks about, Did you guys ever listen to the Carl Pilkington and Ricky Gervais podcast? Yeah, all the time. So one of the episodes, Carl talks about, if you've never heard of Carl Pilkington, he did a podcast with Ricky Gervais and Stephen Murchie who made The Office. It's one of the best podcasts. It's a diary of an idiot or something? No, it's just called... There was a travel idiot abroad.

Yeah, idiot abroad it was called. Oh, right. But that was a TV show. This is just a podcast. They did many years ago, like 20 years ago. And there was a segment in there about his diary. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He did a diary and stuff. But one of the things he talked about was his dad one time got his hands on like boxes and boxes, crates of tic tacs. And they had

so much tic tacs that they used them for cat litter. So like their cat was shitting in tic tacs because they had so much. Why did was shitting in tic tacs because they had so much. Why did he have so many tic tacs? Because they got his hands on some from a mate of his that was like, I've got my hands on a whole load of tic tacs and just your mate got his hand on some And they graveled his driveway with tic tacs No they didn't

Fucking I swear on my life Well they're rains, all the sweetener on And he's like lick the ground he said Graveled, what driveway and tic tacs there's no fucking way Yep, Cow Pilkington Search it up It'll come up It's a fucking lie

Mmm There's no way you could do it. Nothing's come up. I just had an idea like while you're talking about that, if we should give people that listen to this podcast an opportunity to play Easy Money, like a little backdoor play, you know, you're like sneaking through the back door and get to play rather than fighting the hundreds of thousands that listen in the morning It's just the ones who listen to this podcast where we go, right? We'll call you at seven o'clock so you can play easy money

Oh little sneaky back door probably came to mind because just while you're saying that Dan I realized that We put up a post on edge breakfast on Instagram talking about how every caller that gets on the air tomorrow when they get stuff like voucher Anywhere from say a hundred bucks to two thousand So if you listen to this in real time on Monday then tomorrow Tuesday morning you get on here with us you win a flight voucher. We should be looking after rewarding those that listen to the OnlyFans podcast. Could we do it, yeah so we wouldn't say it on air we'd just call you and be like hey we know you wanted to play you don't say anything we won't say anything we take this to our grave. Or you say if

you want to get on there to play Easy Money, listen out for the keyword in the OnlyFans podcast. And then if the keywords say elephant, and then when someone goes in Texas, elephant just before Easy Money, we call them back, because we know that they're a podcast listener because they know the keyword. Good Clint, you're coming up with some good stuff for once.

Could do. Because it's good, Amy. We've been talking about this, it's finally come up with a good idea. So we could just say hey, if you want to play easy money and you can't get through on the phones, listen to the OnlyFans podcast to improve your chances. So it's all we have to say and then we give them a keyword and then when we see them text the keyword we call them back and they play at 8 o'clock.

Yeah, I like that. Sneaky. Okay so maybe we'll'll do that this week. Ryan Fox just won the open. Daddy, Ryan Fox. What else? The Golf? Who's Ryan? He's a man. Is he Kiwi? He's a man. No, he's not a Kiwi. No. He's just saying yesterday everything. I don't think he's a Kiwi. He's not a Kiwi as he neeps. No, no, he's not a Kiwi. So why do we care that Ryan Fox won? Hilary Barry just tweeted it. We do love Hilary Barry. Have I told you the story about my golf injury? When I was a go-

Oh fuck, here we go. Have I got time to tell a quick story about my golf injury? By the 1.7 million, what he won. Then I can go hang out with my mum who's flown up. When I was much younger, I used to work at a golf club. For part time during, when I was at high school and I'd go and do like the greenskip. I did a lot of leaf blowing

and I'd like blow leaves out of the greens and stuff. Did it suck as well? Cause I know where the story's going. No, it was just a blower Clint. Anyway, and one day I played a round of golf with the boss of the golf club. He was the owner and I was trying really hard. Oh next morning.

And I pulled a groin. I pulled a muscle in my groin. And I went and he was there and he was like, I'll pay for you to go and get some physio because we need you for like, you know, physically. Flavour. Yeah. And so I went and got some physio done and the lady that was doing the physio. Yeah, we fucking go, Clem, what biggest groin have you ever seen? What it was, standing ovation for his groin. So I laid down on the table. You've got a groin like Bodum Barrett.

Dan got a standing ovation after he read the bottom line of the Specsaver's YT Reckons. That is one of the best groins I've ever seen. And I've been working on groins for 20 years. What is it, what did you fucking say? So I remember I went out to this place in Akuranga, which is on the North Shore, I lived in East Auckland, and so she got me to lay down on this thing and take my pants off. I like this as a game where we try and finish the ending and you get to pause, you take a guess if you're wrong, we resume the story.

And she started working my leg, like my upper leg, and then she started moving slowly, slowly, but further up. You finished. Dan came. He got a bit of a boner. Okay, and continue. And continue. And so she started working it and she's like where's the pain? I had to keep going further up, further up, to the point where it was, I was going fucking hell this is bad because it sounds like I'm just getting a workout towards my penis.

And so she was going. So, well was she in her early 20s? Nah, no. She was a bit older. She's in her 50s. No. I was in my late teens. So,

Nah, maybe I was like 18, 19 actually. And she was probably late 20s. Okay, so she was still hot. And so she started working up towards that area, which is in the upper groin. And I had a towel over like where the area was, so she sort of pulled the towel back, I had my undies on. Things started to happen down there,

because she was working that area, and I was fucked for the life of me. I remember it like it was yesterday, I was sweating trying to like get like pause, did you start thinking about grandma? yeah anything Clint I was genuinely like thinking about anything like fucking rocks you know like trying to just like get my mind off what was going on down there. pause it didn't work he definitely got a boner and there was a point where I was like it's gonna happen she's gonna see it

and then I looked at I was looking down. I was digging about it, but she never noticed. That's the best one. And I kept looking down, and there was a moment where the towel, that she was, she had covered, just went, boop. A little pop tip. Like, cause the penis went from, like, cause there's a medium part where the, where it it sort of goes up where she wasn't noticing it,

but there was a bit where it went, over, like that. And she saw, you could tell that she saw it. And I saw it and I sat there with a rager for like... Pause, how could he tell? Did she laugh? She looked away and stopped working on his thing and said, right, I'm just going to write something else. And I was like, oh, don't stop now. No, but I, it was the worst because I was sweating. You try and not get a boner if you're getting a boner. It's one of the hardest things to do.

Meg, you do a groin massage for me, we'll see how we go. Yeah. Fuck, I'll be gusseted if you do it though. That's the problem. He's like, Yeah, look, I'm fine. You've got absolutely nothing for me, mate. I've heard actors say that in sex scenes. It is the perfect line where you go, hey, look, I'm sorry if I do, and I'm sorry if I don't.

Yeah, that's true. Did you ever go back there? Never again. Never again. And my groin was still sore after I left. Dan goes, Dan goes, whoa, hold on, you've charged me twice here. I heard it was only 80 bucks, you charged me 160. This is a sad ending. Yeah. She's like, yeah, well you got a little extra buddy.

Yeah, anyway. So there, that's my little golf story. Yeah, nothing to do. No, hold on, sorry, my big golf story, not my little one. Nothing to do with golf, whatever. See you guys, keep to next time. See ya. Rover, music, radio, podcasts.