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This is a podcast from Rover.
Dumb chat, bad decisions, zero shame.
If that sounds like your vibe, you're in the right place.
This is Clint Megan Dan's OnlyFans.
Podcast, that is.
Welcome to The Only Fans with Clint Dan and Ash, London.
We do a breakfast radio show together, which hopefully you listen to.
If not streaming, if not listening live, you go and listen to the show podcast.
I'm exhausted after today's main show.
My goodness.
I just need us to go to Queenie's after this so I can get a prawn spaghetti.
Please come with me someone.
Pran prawn skittie.
You can have something else.
Yeah, that sounds good.
So good.
That put a bit of chilly in it.
Oh, yeah, okay.
I'm in.
I'm in.
I'll go.
Yeah, today was every call of gives and raised a phenomenal amount of money
for the Kindness Collective who run a Christmas joy store.
And there's a lot of people on a wait list who otherwise weren't going to be able to go through
and select presents and food for Christmas Day.
A phenomenal amount of money.
$42,000.
and colding.
Which is when you said over 2,000 kids
that now get presents under the tree,
and then I was grossly overestimating
how many kids go to a primary school
because I was like, wow, that's two schools.
But Daniel, I know, no, there's like four primary schools
worth of kids.
Well, I don't know what it is nowadays,
but I remember my school,
and it was a decent-sized school at primary school,
it was like 500 to 600 kids there.
I mean, I'm sure there's bigger ones,
but I don't think there's as big as high schools, for instance.
Yeah, and if you mess out on giving them,
you would like to give and you live in New Zealand,
you can text give to 3343 or head to the edge.comendous.com.
Oh my God, okay.
I just googled it.
Yeah.
No, this is mine.
It's my new headphones.
Ooh, what did you guess?
Oh, Ken Heiser HD-25s.
I bought them inside a contest.
Oh, it's an HD-25s.
They spend it over $100?
Yeah.
Over $200?
Yeah.
You already have headphones in there with a microphone, so why do you need?
Okay, this is something you guys don't know about me.
I've actually got a bit of a headphone addiction.
I think I own maybe like nine pairs of headphones.
Are you an audio file?
Yeah.
That's what they call them.
So it's like a paedophile.
I honestly, I have to say it's like a pae like a peter file.
What's a cine file?
Someone that loves cinema.
Is that a sinophile?
I've never heard of that.
Also, while Carl is opening up his headphones,
I just googled the average number of children in a New Zealand primary school.
It says obviously it is dependent on if you're in like a major city or not.
But they reckon around 275.
kids in a primary school.
Ooh, that's interesting.
It's like eight primary schools.
Oh, they're like little ones.
Oh, they're lovely.
Oh, that'll be very soft.
Hold on.
The non-visual chat around Carl's headphones is more important.
I want ones like that because the ones I wear are so bulky.
Send you to the link.
Yeah, those are cute.
I'm a real, can I plug them in and just have a first listen?
Those are cute little headphones.
Do you want to see some low vibrations for you?
They're smaller than I thought they would be based on the size of the box.
Cover your little ears, buddy.
I've wanted these headphones for a long time.
They look good on your chance.
so long.
And I was like...
Thank you.
Yeah.
But I...
Do you like your little headphony?
Yeah, I love them.
I have this weird thing.
I love putting on a new pair of headphones and seeing what, how different, like, music and
stuff sounds like, and I like, like, I'm so new.
Are you one of those people that doesn't like sharing headphones?
Like, yeah.
I mean, you guys can have a hone on these if you want.
Can I have a listen?
Yeah.
I just want to hear the sound of my own voice.
Take your innies out first.
Your ears are going to be too big for those.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, wow.
No, genuinely, they sound different.
Quite nice.
Yeah.
You know, when you put different headphones on
and then you can't talk properly,
I can't talk at the best times.
But this is making me sound,
ooh.
Okay, now let me have a turn.
Okay.
They'll sound really weird,
especially after wearing your Sony ones,
they'll sound real weird.
Oh, I'm sorry,
everyone's putting their germs on your headphones.
Sorry, I'll wipe my phone.
Okay.
Good.
So he's going sexy to me, Ash.
How are you?
Oh, I do like them.
Yeah, okay, there you go.
No, I like the,
Jamie's taking her top off and showing her mid-ref and oh my god
she's got a G string on oh yeah she's looking at first show
I'm just watching it I'm just in the corner don't worry about me
no you're wrecking it with your chat I need you to shush
I'll try I can't help it sometime
oh yeah okay
Ash needs a turn now
do I don't have a go now I don't want to put my germs on your ears
nah you can if you want no too Jimmy yeah
but they're going to sound way like quite like probably
bassy and middy compared to those because
your Sony's a real topy?
Real shit.
Oh yeah?
Basically.
Did your voice sound different?
Yeah, fuck.
Dangerously close to a walkout.
I was so excited.
I was so excited to hear.
And no, he put all fun.
I didn't do that.
He did that.
He ruined it.
Anyway, did you like the mesh?
Yes.
I did.
Hello.
No, thank you
Got a fucking guy
Okay, that's annoying
I've never heard a chipmunk come
No, they're going to
Can I have a real listen now, Carl
Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on
I feel if I did it this time as you'll walk out
2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, oh, they are not
Oh, I've never sounded so good
Hello, welcome to the breeze
Oh, you'd fit it well
You really would fit him well
I'd like
Fuck, oh
He's sick
It's like a delay
So it's really uncomfortable
You said
You had an interesting voice there
And the bells
Are ringing out on Christmas day
How's that guy going on the Facebook
And I've got an annoying laugh
And I'm not an oil painting
Never a true word
Someone's always got a real bono for you, Dan
because they went to Dan's defence
so hardcore that they ended up insulting Ash
like it was your dad or something that was angry.
No, no, it wouldn't be my dad.
He doesn't know how to use the phone.
In fact, I called him yesterday
and he couldn't answer the phone
because he doesn't know how to use it.
So it wouldn't have been him.
If he's sending a text, it would be a miracle.
It literally says slide to answer.
I know, but I think his screen's broken.
He's got a touchscreen phone.
So I think if that's fucked, you'd be you pretty much bugger.
Oh, no.
The person deleted their insult to me.
Oh, why?
I don't know.
Maybe Bella deleted it.
Oh, sometimes producers, like, to save our egos, they delete.
Yeah, Cal will do that.
I'll see that sometimes.
Someone will go, you go, this is shit.
And then I'll be like, oh, there's a, and then next minute,
so one of the producers will see it and they'll hide it.
Can you get Bella in?
Yeah.
Oh, no, see she.
I hate click.
Oh, and it disappears.
And you just never know kind of what they were going to say.
Bella, did you delete Lynn Kwan's message on Facebook about insulting me?
No, it was on.
Oh, maybe he's deleted it.
Are he?
What are they back?
It was on the video where I was making fun of Dan
saying he had a good personality
And they said, that's not nice
Regardless of how close you guys are
You ain't no oil painting yourself
As Dan says
And you have an annoying laugh
But we put up with it
Bring back Meg
Which I thought was fucking hilarious
And sent to Meg
And we had a good laugh about it
I think it was Meg with her burn a phone
She deleted it
Now that she's been called out
That sounds like a name she'd come up
With Lynn Juan as well
No that's just someone is tired
They didn't have woken up after a sleep, and then they've gone, yeah, that was bad.
I've got to delete that.
I will, though, often delete hate comments, just because it's like, some of them are funny, but then some of them are.
Can you remember one that's been, that you've deleted?
I'd love to hear.
Just like, you don't have to remember the specifics, but just the gist.
Most people leave.
Just how ugly you are?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, you don't delete them, though.
I've seen them quite often.
Normally, like, leaving those creates better insights for your video, because then you'll get people coming to the defense.
It's the reason Clint will never make his,
microphone not look like it's saying cunt
because he knows that those comments
drive up engagement. The amount
we get of those comments. And everybody
thinks they're full original. They're like...
Yeah, yeah. I don't know if you guys have noticed
this. I don't know if you guys noticed that.
But it's like...
I wish she had said it's crazy.
I'm just going to wait here for a second
while I say it looks a bit like
a cunt.
It's like I've gone...
You're like I've gone my whole life
not realizing that the L and I
can make a you. If it's spouting
caps. I've known that from when I was a kid.
Well, you know, when it was on birthday cakes
and stuff, and once you're old enough to know the C-Bomb,
it was pretty obvious that my name. Oh my God,
speaking with kids yesterday. But he walks
to the fridge, you know, got his like taps
on the fridge where he can fill up your water.
I get, rich, yep.
Nothing says rich like that, eh?
He walks over and...
You're unrelatable.
He gets a little cupboard and goes,
For fuck a sake, I'm thirsty.
For fuck a sake. For fuck a sake.
For fuck a sake.
Oh my God. And you know what to laugh?
because then he's like, well, they've got a reaction.
And I said, that's not a word.
And then he goes, then he goes,
then he goes, no, I was talking to the window to say,
shut up the window, shut up the window.
No, we say shut the window, not shut up the window.
So now he's in his mind, he's like, I can say shut up.
And then if they call me on it, I'll say, no, no, I meant shut the window.
I'll say this.
No, there's nothing cuter than a kid swearing.
It's the best.
Kind of like low-key, like, just say fuck around George every now and then.
I mean, Adrian, like, laughs so hard to look away.
I'll need to send you those videos in because I get served that a lot,
where it's like a montage of all these different kids
like swearing.
Do you remember that
that Kiwi girl that ended up going viral
and she's like, oh look, it's a fucking goat outside
and the mum's like, no, it's just the goat.
She goes, no, it's a fucking goat.
Because they're like, would they just copy-ass?
The mum's obviously to see the fucking goats outside again.
Yeah, yeah.
It's so funny the goat.
I must have it in here somewhere.
Do you always want to hear my favourite video of all time still?
It's just, and it's going to be.
It's going to be something I listen to forever and ever and ever, amen.
Is it Charlie bit my finger?
No, it's better than that.
I'm be birthday, day.
Oh, it's Georgie said, happy birthday to Dan yesterday.
That's so cute.
I was like, is it weird if I asked you to send that to me.
I sent her to Ash last night.
Oh, my God, it is very cute.
It gives me, like, little, you know, like the step back from crying.
That's what it gives me.
The year.
In my family, we call it a yearn.
Yeah.
Like, when you're just year-dy.
Happy birthday daddy.
Daddy, and then he's my hands.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, gosh.
I've got this one, too, that I keep on my butt and bar just in case for Fridays.
I was a little kid laughing.
Oh, my God, that was a real thing that happened on this radio show.
Unbelievable scenes.
We were just like, hey, how's it going?
And just cracked, maybe a funny.
I don't even know if we did.
And then.
Such a good laugh.
So good.
So good.
Hey, if you want to donate, remember we did the hot, every call of Gibbs today, just text give to 3343 to the kind of
Collective, we obviously donated
over $40,000
you guys, the listeners. The really incredible thing
was there is a very,
very well-known New Zealand musician
who I probably could shout
out because they did an awesome thing.
Yeah, I just didn't know whether I was
supposed to, but yeah,
Stan Walker, who ended up
partnering up with the Kindness Collective and doing
something with Seven Sharp on TV, and
they raised $30,000. And I think
when we're at the $21,000,000,
that's when Sarah said, the most money we've
ever raised his 30 grand was Stan Walker in like one media event um so she wasn't obviously expecting
us to break that and we weren't certainly weren't expecting it yeah and then we went over 40 grand so
it's the new um high watermark i guess for a fundraiser and there is she was saying to us as well
obviously we had so many generous people donating today but she said there's some people that
donate to her every year like 60,000 dollars just like she said that like the one in a million
one and a million yeah but there was one guy she and he wants to remain anonymous
and he was like he doesn't want to ever meet her
he just believes in what she's saying
he's going to work out who it is and wants to meet
and he's got to 60K every year
and that's incredible way because he's like
he's obviously selfless because he doesn't want to be known
so cool
he'd be rich though obviously if you're being
financially
blessed
you know
with such an abundance you don't know what to do with it
then 60 grand even though everyone's like
oh my God you gave you say
you're probably like no no no no like
it's probably not even that much money to somebody
that has a stupid amount of money
so of course you don't want everyone making a song
and dance about it
because you're right
the little girl Ila at 9
who we had on the show this morning
$20 to Ila
could be everything that she owns
whereas this guy is given $60 grand
it's not everything that he owns
so I think it's relative to who you are
and how much money you have
and I know for a fact
there was people that donated $20 today
some of them came on air
that probably can't afford $20
you know but because there's such kind people
and they want to see these kids
have a Christmas they donated it
And they want to be a part of something that's bigger than themselves, right?
And just feel like they've given back this Christmas.
Yeah.
Humanity's cool.
Yeah, it is nice when you see that side of it.
There's some assholes out there.
There's also some very lovely people.
And we've got to see the better side of it today, which is really cool.
Yeah.
All right.
Anyway.
What are you going to go and do today now that you've obviously built up all this good karma for yourself?
You can afford to be a bit of a POS, I guess, for the rest of the week, then.
Yeah, well, I don't know what I'll do now.
I've got to obviously go and do all my orphan work like I usually do.
Oh, so you're a morph of it on.
Yeah, and I've got to go and help the doves, the sick doves.
What do you do with the orphans?
Just fun, just a bit of, like I'm boost morale at the orphanage really.
What do you do?
Do you dance?
Jokes and dance.
Stand-up?
Yeah, a bit of stand-out, but obviously you can't do all my, you know, naughty stuff.
Can't do your orphan jokes?
Yeah, yeah.
Just, yeah, just, yeah.
Be a man, be a father figure for them.
Yeah, right.
What do you do that's real manly?
do the right thing.
There's a lot of questions.
I don't know.
You're very secretive about what you do for the orphans.
I'm like that guy that don't donate 60K a year to the charity.
I don't want to be a song and dance about it.
So you don't dance?
I do a bit of dance.
Oh, you do dance?
Yeah, yeah.
Anyway, enough about me and the orphans.
Yeah, right.
I mean, you brought it up.
Okay.
I would have thought if I was an orphan,
the last thing I really need is a guy to just dance for me.
Well, I do other stuff.
I do dove work.
Right.
Duff work.
With the sick dance, do you work.
You bring them with you?
That's great.
A lot of doves, we don't talk about it, but there's a lot of doves out there that aren't well.
And they get a bad rat because they get lumped in with the pigeons.
Very different bird.
Very different bird.
Oh, you're not interested in healing the pigeons.
They're rats with wings.
Rodents of the air.
I want to go and get some prawn spaghetti now.
Oh, yeah, okay, let's go do that.
You know who love the prawn, doves.
She's just going to eat them
because that's the person she is.
She could afford to donate some prawns to the dogs.
I have this bra right and it's a very thin lace like a French lace bra
that's over the nipples and I took my top off and obviously it's an old bra.
Like see-through areola.
Exactly.
But there's like a beautiful lace over it.
And it's very like, it's almost like hand-done, beautiful.
And one of the threads had come blue
so it turns out there was a bit of a hole in the lace
which means my nipple just puffed through.
It was the weirdest looking thing
because everything else was being held in.
but the bit of the arroyole was just puffing through the lace in the weirdest shape.
Your husband, AB, just being praying.
Finally, the Lord is going, yeah, go on then.
My wife Hannah's favourite thing to do, and we do it every time we're going out for dinner,
or she does it every time we're going out for dinner.
She's got this shirt similar to what it sounds like you have.
It's very see-through, but if you put a bra on a white bra underneath, it's fine.
It doesn't look like anything.
And she'll often put on the shirt with no bra on while we're getting ready.
She'd be like, I'm ready.
And if I notice, I notice every time because I'm like, oh.
But she loves it.
One time we got in the car
and she was like, you haven't known us.
I was like, fucking hell!
That's so funny.
Napalia.
Boy, so she wasn't going to wear a bra and she went out?
No, then she'll obviously go and put a bra with her.
She's committed to the gag.
You should pretend you don't see.
It's her favourite thing.
Find the bra in the car, put it back inside
and then jokes on her when you get to the restaurant.
True.
Everyone's like, look at that slut.
And then look at you like, yeah, good on your man.
No, I'm not going to say that.
She'll go get some food?
I'm so hungry.
I might die.
I might die.
That's what happens when you don't eat, Clint
See you guys
You guys get hangary first
We haven't placed the show
Oh fuck the show in the ass
See?
Told you, you're angry
I told you'll be late
Oh right
You're gonna be like lunch late
Cause I'm still recording
Okay
So when do you want to go get food
Well you need to prep the show
Obviously Clint
Yeah so is Ash going to be able to go hungry
For another 10 minutes
I haven't got 10 minutes
because I have to be back as soon as possible
but it's not our fault that you're doing three jobs
like why should we be burdened
yeah
uh okay
you look like sorry you wanted to say something
but I didn't say anything and you know what
you're right
six 40 no time does Sarah need this
no come on let people see your real
Ash London we're not still recording
or anything just show people the real Ash London
no I'm not actually angry
I understand
stop doing the nose thing where at Pinocchio
One has the responsibility.
I'm just really hungry.
And I'm going to do a bad job
in my Moro FM show now because I'll be hungry.
And I'll be rushing it.
And I don't like rushing it because I want to eat.
And then that show sounds crap.
Okay.
Let's go get food then.
Well, we can't because I've got to plan the show.
Why don't we all take an hour tomorrow?
So Ash will have 8 a.m.
She can prep 8 a.m. in her own time.
I'll do 7.
As if Clint would allow anyone, like me,
to touch his fucking run sheet.
Yeah, actually, Clinton's a can't, hey.
Hey, fuck up, it's Friday. You can do what you want.
Great, well, let's go and get prawn spaghetti for fuck's day.
I'll pay for everyone to come and do it.
Let's go, let's go! What are we still doing?
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