The Edge Breakfast - ONLYFANS Quasimodo & the sebaceous cyst...

Episode Date: September 9, 2025

This is a podcast from Rover. Not your mum's podcast, unless she's into absolute filth, in which case. Respect. This is Clint Megan Dance OnlyFans. Podcast, that is. Hey, welcome everyone to the OnlyFans podcast that sits alongside our show recap podcast. If you've just stumbled across this, this is not the show. This is the podcast where we can kind of get away with a little bit more than we can normally.

A little bit more. A whole lot more after yesterday. I feel like today we need to do a not sex only fans. Oh, well, Dan, you may as well sit this one out, buddy. Well, I actually have a suggestion that's not sexual at all. Oh, please. I had a message from a friend of mine who I haven't spoken to in years. Years, years, years, since I was at school, literally.

Like, when was I at school? I finished in 2006. So what would that be? 19 years ago. 19. Now, my friend, his name, I won't say his name because I don't know if he wants me to. Trevor. Let's call him Trevor.

He messaged me and said, he'd seen the video of me talking about Clint and how he's an amazing amazing dad I got a lot of comments about that it was very lovely of you Dan if you haven't seen that video and he said that he

it inspired him to reach out to two of his friends not just to say how amazing their dads were but just to say that he appreciates their friendship that's so nice yeah and I reckon we don't do it enough on the show I do a lot am I do a lot

yeah like do it enough just in general not on the show but just in general that I thought you guys could call one of your friends and just say. But the problem is if I call someone and I tell them and they realize we're recording a podcast, it feels like a bit.

And it kind of undermines the whole point of doing something nice. Also, it's two hours behind in Australia so all my friends are asleep. You do something nice. All I'm hearing is excuses. Yeah, but I mean it when I say, like, you guys know me. I am constantly, like,

reaching out and tell people how much I adore them. Because if you tell people the nice thing did, then it kind of undermines the nice thing because it feels like you only did it so you could get the right. Yeah. But what if I, what if they didn't know? What if we just called someone, you know? Okay, but I said like I call them

and I just chat to them and I tell them. And then they find out that I put that personal conversation that was like so touching to them on a podcast and I only did it because my mate Dan told me to. I'd be like, oh fuck, what a dick. It would almost do the opposite. We did that to my mate once. We had an awkward wheel

of I love you's on there. We had to spin the wheel and there's all these people that we'd not usually say I love you to. And one of them was his dad who hadn't spoken to in years. So he calls his dad up

as part of a bit and says, I love you. And his dad's like, cried and was like, this is the best day of my life. And then we hang up. And then he was like, oh, yeah,

can't wait to put that on air. And we were like, that can never see the light of day. Your dad can never know that that was a bit because that would destroy him. And to this day, and we never played it.

And he's still pissed off because he hates his dad. Really? He's still pissed off that we never let him play it. Yeah. Well, I'm just going to call someone now, okay, Clint? And tell them. And so, no, someone that you know.

No, I'm not because it undermines, it's like. No, because, and this person will appreciate it. They will. And you just say the first things that come to mind about the person when they answer. Well, does he know who it is? He will when they answer. And you'll feel much better about yourself, Clint. Oh, we have no idea who is made.

We need to be quiet. Hello, Cal, I'm speaking. Hey, Cal. Clint here. Oh. Hey, man. Hey, man. I'm expecting a call from the doctor.

I literally said he has like, oh, my God, this is my blood test results. Oh. No. They're negative. Quick. You mean in general or negative he doesn't have to say? Negative for gonorrhea. Negative for herpes.

No, Clint just, no. Cal, I've got a question for you. Would you like to hear what I think of you? as a person, if I've been forced to do it by Dan? Or does it feel unauthentic? My God, I would love to do it. Yeah, go.

You still want to hear. Everybody wants to hear nice things about themselves. I'm assuming it's going to be nice. Yeah. Why are you being forced to do it? I know. Well, Dan was just saying we need to do it more. And I was like, yes, I agree. But we can't do it here on this platform of a podcast because once the person finds out

it was a bit, it undermines the authenticness of the gesture. It's not a bit, though. This is just a lovely segment on a podcast. No, you know what? I'm free. Go. Okay.

Help me. Okay, Cal. Play lame music? Oh, gosh. He puts his own music bed under. I have to because I can't talk emotionally over nothing. This is lovely. This is exactly what I'd imagine.

Okay, Cal, you have achieved more in your short space of time that you have been on the earth than many people that I know. You achieved far more than I did in your career at your age. And the reason why you have success and will have much more success is because you are prepared to do what many people aren't prepared to do. And that was when I witnessed you working for free, when we couldn't hire you over COVID, for God, what was it, a year longer, maybe? Yeah, roughly, yeah.

And I think that is a testament to your character and the reason why you have had opportunities and doors open for you and I think why people hold a lot of value in regards to you as a person and what you stand for on who you are. I think you're an incredible friend and the way that you have been around my kids when I've been over to the flat

I think is also a testament to the way that you're brought up and the incredible job that your parents have done with you. Oh my God, I love this. Just keep going. And also you've got a big deck. Big old dick Yeah, and Cal is an extremely good looking guy, side note

And also, got a big dick I have to roll out the physical stuff, hash I'm unsure about that But he does have BDE It's got big dick energy and also Big Dick Hmm We said we wouldn't take this to the gutter

Sorry It was too serious And it was awkward because the serious This is forced And it seemed a bit forced in it Yeah, I didn't know I believe that everything he said was true And he meant it but it felt false

And you didn't give me time to think of it so I just had come up with some stuff off the cuff. It was lovely. And now cow, now's your opportunity to say some lovely stuff back to club. Oh, no, don't. Can we not? I've got to go because we're about to go on here. But that was lovely.

Thank you so much. Bye, cow. Good luck with your blood tests. Thank you. And I wish I had time to say things about you. But there's not enough time in the world, Clint. There's not enough time in the world to say how I feel about you. Oh, that's a nice way to wrap up.

He's gone. There we go. Isn't that a lovely moment? Why? You know how I've had that pain behind my knee. It's so bad. now my calf is gone all swollen and hard. Why don't I give you a swift kick to the other leg and then you match?

I'm worried I've got deep vein thrombosis. Between pain thrombosis? How old did chat chibati tell you that? No, because I've got pain behind the knee and the only reason I didn't think I had deep brain thrombosis because my calf wasn't swollen, but now my calf is going all swollen and hard. Do you want to give you one of my famous shoulder massages?

No, thank you. No, you just need to lay on the ground on. What's I got to do? What's a getting shoulder massage got to do with maybe having deep vein thrombosis in my leg? It's a nerve that travels down. I've done it to Meg, and she swears by it. Clint, I don't think I've ever done him. But it's just, I just use my elbow, and I just give it a quick.

Ash is one of those people that is the reason why when you actually go with a serious condition, you've got to wait four hours to see anyone. Don't be like that. I'm not a hypochondriac. Clint, this is supposed to be nice. You're supposed to say nice things, remember? No, I already did that for Cal. I'm not a hypochondriac, but I could be.

I have the propensity become that, which is why I'm trying really hard to not do. But you won't get there because you'll die of deep throat pain thrombosis. Really serious. Maybe it'll be minimum leg amputation. I was listening to a podcast of Ash and it was during COVID. You know, it's just good to find out. Stalker. I'm listening to podcasting me from five years ago.

And didn't have his pants on when he was watching it as well. It's research. It's good to understand the people you work with. You can find information. It could be great content. Ash, when during COVID, wait until you find out what she used to get a husband to do because she was working from home,

but a husband would go into the office. I'd make him strip naked. as soon as he got home and hop straight in the shower and then I'd put gloves on and take all of his clothes and put him in a hot spin. And I wouldn't touch him until he'd done all of those things. Fucking how, that's like Erin Patterson's weird. Hey, hey, wait, because I love my husband and don't want to get sick.

I'm supposed to murder him with a beef Wellington. And she's like, I've got a lovely Beef Wellington in the oven, darling. No, no, no, I was just really paranoid. Hannah was similar because she worked at the hospital. Exactly. And so she, but to be fair, she was around a lot of germs. And so she'd come home and she'd at the door, take all her, because she was in scrubs at that point.

She'd take her scrubs off. I'd pick them up with the tongs that we'd purchased. It's like it's exactly the same. You should have been team action on this. And then she would go straight in nude to the shower. That's what I just said to we did. Exactly. I said I'm a psycho and I'm murdering my husband with a beef well.

Yeah, I just did the delivery of it. You seem more psychotic. You know what we should do? So she would stand nude on her front porch every day because if the neighbours start realizing that, you couldn't see it because our house. She's home, guys. Our house backed onto like a retaining wall where we were living at that point

and there was nothing behind it so she could come around the back of the house, take all her clothes off and come in and know and there must have been a treat when you'd hear the car pull into the drive and like, there's nothing sexual about picking up her dirty scrubs

from when she was working in respitery still putting them in. Respitee too. How many times did she get COVID? Not many times to be honest because they wear so much PPE How fast would she take it off? Scrubs, if you'd know scrubs

they're very, it's just one layer. Sometimes she'd have like a thermal underneath it but usually it'd just be scrubs. I find scrubs That's one thing When I have at the hospital Someone is wearing scrubs

Oh my fucking God Yeah I find people Like doctors and nurses and scrubs There's something about it Is it because you have the memories Of your wife stripping off Maybe but even before that I felt like whenever I go

Because I guess it says You're smart And you're doing a really cool job You know like you Yeah If you've got scrubs on You do an important job Yeah

Agree And they should all be paid more. Everyone in hospitals. You know what we should do a race between you and I while you've got your bung leg? Whereas I'm in high heels and running backwards and you running normally and so he wins. But I could, but I have this to have much to run. Oh my God, you look like.

I can't like extend my leg. You look like, is it the hunchback? God, not triname. Quasimodo. Go and ring the bell. If anyone's Quasimoto on this team, it's a car with the hump on his neck. Oh yeah, he's got a massive. Well, actually my wife said that to me last night.

How's it feeling? And I show her like she goes, you look like fucking Quasimodo. So you've got, what is it as cyst? It's a sebaceous cyst that's just become infected and has blown up to like a golf ball on the back of my neck.

That's why I keep wearing hoodies. What the problem was with Quasimotor? He just had a really bad servacious cyst that he'd ever got a team. Could have been, thanks, mate, that's my future. At the end, someone jumps on his back, like a piggyback, and then we squash it. I do.

Imagine the pus. Puncture a whole lips. I do have this new found affinity for Belltowers that I'm like, yeah. I do love watching videos of cysts being removed or cut out. Have you seen the toys? You can buy toys and it's a face with all these little holes and you can push them and you can push all of the blackheads and white heads out of this toy.

Is Quasi Moldo a real person? Was he like a real guy? No, God, here we go, it's Titanic all over again. Dan just, not everything is based on a true story. Dan Googled a little red writing of true story last week. It's a Victor Hugo novel, isn't it? Yeah, it was. But sometimes they're based on fact.

What about Gargoyles? How do you spell quasi? Q-U-A-S-I-M-O-D-O. Was Quasimoto real? I was like, I'm about to get egg on my face of digging freestyles and bullshit. It's just a really interesting answer. What is that?

Don't want to share it with the class? Okay. I wonder if anyone has ever when the teacher goes, all right, would you like to share that with class? Someone goes, no, if you want. Yeah. Someone has to have. Of course.

A little smart ass. such a nerd at school. I was never naughty. Yeah, if the boys would wag, I'd make sure I got a pass from the, like, nurse. So if we all wagged and got caught, I'd be like, I wasn't wagging, I got a pass from the nurse to be absent this period. But I wouldn't tell the boys that, because that wasn't cool. But then they'd be like, how the fuck did you not get detention? I don't know. And I was like, I don't know, man, I don't know. Like, it was almost, like, oh, Clint never gets caught. I was covering me. What does that mean?

Well, I'd just turn around and say, if the boys are, we're going to wag after lunch and go to whatever. And I had a car, so I was just said to my, um. But where are you supposed to be? I was just like, oh, can I go home to grab my football boots? Because I got training off school and I forgot them. And she'd be like, yeah, sure. So she'd send me a pass. We had a warden at school?

There was two of them. What do you mean? And they used to walk around almost like security. And if you did a runner, the wardens would, I guess, work out who you were or where you'd gone. And one of them followed my car. So one time I legitimately, maybe he had seen me do runners before and I had a pass. But one time I genuinely had to go home to get something. So I asked my nurse, and I were like, maybe mates, I don't know.

And I was like, can I go home? And I was, I've got my car, easy, there and back in 20 minutes. She's like, sure. So I go home, get my stuff, and I come back, and then think nothing of it. And then next period, I get knock on the door, and it's the warden. And he goes, hey, can I see Clint? And he goes, where were you at lunch? And I was like, oh, I went home to go get my boots.

And he was like, got a pass for that? And I was like, yeah. So I pull it out and show it to me, he's like, hmm. So you're going home? were you and I said yeah and he goes why'd you stop at the bakery I saw you stop at the bakery I was like did you follow me he followed me in a vehicle and I was like

because it was lunchtime and I didn't have lunch and I had a pass so I stopped at the bakery and get a pie on my way home to get my boots and he was like okay then well don't do it again I was like don't do what again I will do it I definitely will do it if I forget my boots again and I was like oh my god we literally have wardens hopping in cars

like the policeman and chasing students to find out where they are going at lunch. I was like, you guys are taking a job way too seriously. That would be illegal now, too un-PC. You can't follow, like, school kids. Yeah, do you know what happened to me yesterday on the way home? I go down this, like, big hill and up a big hill, and then as I was about to go down the hill, the car coming in the opposite direction, did the old

high beam flash at me. Oh, I wanted to have passion in the face. To say there's police ahead. So I slowed right down because of 50. I never know. I'm new to this country. I never know. It's very confusing to be how they all change. It was a 50. I would have been on 60, so I pulled it down to 40. I crawled down that hill so slowly that the copper knew someone had told me

I slowed down 100 metres before he was visible I do love that when you pull over and you see the van or whatever and you're like yeah suck that you can get me will you flash the opposite people no no no no no no if I'm getting done sometimes I'll flash him just for fun and I'll see their brake lights go on I'm like hey he thinks it's a cop sucker no I think if people are speeding

and going extra excessively speeding, they should be ticketed for it. Oh, it goes around, comes around? Yeah, but I'm always, I got ticketed, I got a ticket once for doing 50 and a 30 past a school in school holidays. And I argued with the police officer as well. I was like, it's school holidays.

Oh, yeah. It pissed me. He was such a way. Surely you can't give someone a ticket for going fast past a school in school holidays. And I was going 40, like I was going 49, like I was actually going 50 anyway. It was really angered me and he was such a dick about it.

And then you see those hoons on the freeways, It's like changing lanes and speeding. I'm like, where are the police in this way? I love it when you see a car go far past you. And then you, like, minutes down the road, you see them pulled over by a cop. Oh, delicious. I had one of those over a long weekend ones,

right at my ass, and I'm doing like 115 or something, in a 110. And I'm like, mate, like, I'm already, like, and he's right on my ass, right on ass, and eventually it pulls over, like, all pissy, and then weaves all through traffic and whatever, and then, yeah, about five minutes later down the road, he's pulled over with a cop up his ass.

Suck in. He's like, you get it. No better feeling. Quasimoto was, based on a literal hunchback man. Okay. Who was... He said, I've got a legendary.

He was. Victor Hugo was likely inspired by the hunchback stone mason who worked on the Notre Dame Cathedral in the 1820s. Evidence from memoirs of British sculptor Henry Simpson who worked in the cathedral at the same time describes a fellow sculptor nicknamed the hunchback original, who may have been a real-life individual who inspired the fictional character.

Mommy, mommy. That was the beast. from Beauty and the Beast real. Oh my gosh, we're still going. I'll wrap it up, Clint. Love you guys. Thanks for listening. Yeah, thanks for the shit out, Dan.

You're supposed to be the guy that gives us the kicker. The Beast wasn't real. Rover, Music, Radio, podcasts.