The Edge Breakfast - ONLYFANS rumor no more...

Episode Date: February 10, 2026

This is a podcast from Rover. Come for the chat. Stay for the trauma bonding. This is Clint Megan Dan's only fans. Podcast, that is. Gilda and welcome to Clint Megan Dan. It's only fans. I thought you had a different name for it yesterday.

Well, I have a... I don't get to choose. We'll throw it out there because it might stick. I had the idea of calling at the podcast because we still do have to change it guys. I know you don't want us to, but we have to. So it's not really like we're sending out, Oh, but we want to.

We just have to. We have to change it. I want to. I don't like only fans. Well, there we go. Well, it's going. I had the idea to call the podcast nothing personal or it's nothing personal, which I thought really related to, one, the fact that we always roast each other. And that's what you say, oh, it's nothing personal.

You know, after you roast someone. And also the fact that we are extremely personal on this podcast. So I thought it was a bit of a, you know, juxtaposition double entendre there, nothing personal. Some of the things we've shared on this thing. It's very personal. Yeah, that's why I thought it could work. So that was my idea, but crickets from the team. So maybe not so good, not so good.

I like it. I like it. I think it's a front runner for me. It's nothing personal. It's nothing personal of the podcast. But we don't know what's happening with that. At the end of this podcast, I think it might be nice to squash a rumor. It's not a rumor.

I mean, it's true. It's happened to me. But you guys think it's a rumor for a long time. I thought there was 10 witnesses. It was at HR. You had denied it. when I had a fill in dentist that after checking my teeth said

the mint, and then he wrote down mint teeth like on the form. And I realize when that came up on the show this morning, that because he wrote it down, it must be on my file and we can squash the rumor. And maybe it could be a thing that we could continue to do on this podcast every now and then. If you've got a friend who's been running his mouth

saying something happened or she swears and no one ever goes to the effort to prove it. We're that petty. We are that petty. We'll squash the rumor and find out, Once of all, like Dan said, when he read the bottom line at Spec Savers, and they all gave him a standing ovation. And do you remember he said that he'd be the most remembered at his Howard College, and we rang them and they had no idea who he was.

Oh, that pissed me off, actually. They, like, who else is from Howard College? You can't name them. Was it Paris Gobel? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, the one who she choreographed like Beyonce and Rihanna music videos and stuff. Yeah, she's done a bit of stuff, I guess. Not recently, though.

That's right. We asked them, and they're like, oh, Paris. Yes, we remember Paris. I taught her everything she knows. knows. Really? I have a hypothetical, my morning, hypothetical question for you both.

This is a very, very famous one. It was brought up on Reddit 10 years ago, one of the most popular Reddit posts of all time, and I thought I'd get both of your opinions on it. So you might have heard it before, but we haven't heard what Clinton Dad would do. You and a super intelligent snail both get given $1 million. And you both become immortal.

Okay. However, you die, so not fully immortal, the only way you can die is if the snail touches you. It's the only way you can die. You can't die any other way in the world. And the snail wants to touch, it wants to kill you. The snail, its only focus in life is to kill you. That's all it wants to do.

It always knows where you are, and it's always slowly crawling towards you. What's your plan? Am I allowed to pick them up by the shell using utensils? Yes, you can. And then I could fly him to Australia and then he'd never get me. He can't swim.

He's super intelligent. He can get a boat. He's got a million dollars. He's just slow. But a million dollars isn't that much and a snail hasn't got a posable thumbs. So, you know, like he's going to struggle to pay for stuff.

It's true. It's true. Maybe he's got paywave though. I would think because straight away, I think... That'd hold him back. I reckon I'd get a credit card with paywave on his shell. That's really weighing him down.

Twice his weight. And plus he has to make his way up to the payment, and it'd take him like a day and a half just to pay for something. He might be smart, but he's fucking slow. Yeah, exactly. He's very, very smart, but he's very slow. The part where he's most dangerous is when you're sleeping. So then instantly I thought, could you create a beard that's up off the ground

that he would really strut? So he can't get you while you sleep. And you wake up in the morning, you look down, you see him. You don't have to worry about him the rest of the day. There's no way he could cover the ground in a day. So it's just really the sleep. He might buy a scooter and learn how to drive it. He's very smart, super, possibly smart.

You say you ship him off, say, to Kazakhstan, go on. What's saying, because he's so smart that he's got a dummy snail that you send off to Kazakhstan, and he's still there. So what I'd do... And maybe you're the dummy claim.

Stand on the little prick and squash him. What's the million dollars got to do with it? Oh, with your shoe. Where's my shoe? Squashed little bastard. No, but Meg said he's immortal. He can't die. To be fair, actually, that is true.

He can't die. You only die if he touches you. What's the million bucks got to do with anything? So he's got a million dollars What does a snail do with a million dollars? No, but why? What's the million? Is it like if you accept the challenge, you get a million bucks? Or I cannot accept the challenge.

I don't get the million and I don't have a snail chase me. No, you just, you've been plonked on the earth. You've been given a million dollars. Just as a bonus, babe. So I've just pretty much is just how do I survive? You want to live your life? You want to live a happy life until you die of natural causes. It's the question, what's the best play to stay alive?

Yes, that is. You've got a million dollars. You can have a really nice life with that. and you just want to live out your life for the rest of your days and you don't want to be killed by a snail but you always know the snail is trying to kill you.

But it is a snail. Do you know where I'd move to? I'd move to the salt flats in Bolivia because the snails hate salt. I actually thought that. It's like a moat for snails. Putting a big salt ring around your bed but the problem is that Meg Cittie's immortal

so it's not going to, because I remember when I was young, Nana, we used to go into the garden and we'd take a bucket and we'd collect snails and then Nana said I was allowed to feed them the salt and they loved the salt and I used to feed and pour salt all over it and then that bubble was... Yeah and I realised now as an adult

no I was killing them Who was your fucking Nana, Satan? Jesus Christ Now pour the salt over and see what happens darling and you're like pour it over and they all fucking bubble up and die She loved her garden What a horrible woman Yeah and I never forgot that

It's so weird So I thought about the salt thing But if the snails immortal really it's just you're spitting your whole life outrunning him which obviously isn't that hard is a stale That's exactly it and it's you know There's a metaphor in there somewhere You dig deep enough

I'd just You know I wouldn't worry too much It's a snail You're gonna forget about it No I would just I think I'd sleep in some sort of cocoon situation Because you're right Clint When you're sleeping

It is that is your most vulnerable moment Because if you're sleeping 12 hours You had a hangover Really to be fair When you're awake What's a snail going to do? Unless he's like hidden in your clothes or something But you could have stuff

He was smart He wouldn't follow you to work He'd just wait for you to come home Yeah yeah yeah But I'd be very smart He'd go, Dan shops at Hellenstein's Find his local Hellenstein's And then just go and like be a snail

Just hide in one of the size Extra small t-shirts All the time of the world Extra small Yeah I don't know I go extra large Produce an eaves Imagine like you're just walking around town

Going about your business There's this one snail that will kill you But there's still all the other snails ever so you're just shit frightened as snails for the rest of your life now. Yeah, you can't go in any gardens, really, can you? No bare feet plan, touch rugby in summertime. Gone. That's true.

I wouldn't miss it because I don't do it now. The million dollars I'd go towards, like, make it fail-safing my house of snails. So tell me about this cocoon you sleep in. I'm very intrigued. Just like a glass box. Oh, that's very different to cocoon. You sleep in a glass box. I'm just saying, like, a thing where you sleep in it, it's like fully temperature-controlled.

Right. I go in there, it's like airlock so I go and go and they get it and then I know I get claustrophobos. You don't get claustrophobic? No, I think that would be cozy. Yeah. Interesting.

Almost like, yeah, like at the space station. Like at a space station. My house would almost be like a space station. I'd make sure it's airlocked so no snails can get in or out. You're giving me shit for getting a bidet and now you're airlocked space station. Yeah, but I've got a fucking killer snail after me. But no one believes you. You're one bigs.

You're that fucking weird guy that's scared of snails. I turn up in a Lamborghini and you're like, God, do you get, no, I've just got this killer. snail after me. He's like trying to call the radio station going, hey, I need to quash this rumour. There's this killer snail after me. And everyone's like, no, we can't, what are you talking about? Unless he just slowly crawls

up on your face. I've had a cockroach on my face before. That was a nightmare. Because it's a nice warm spot, isn't it? Yeah, it is. So I think he, that's the risk at night when you're sleeping. Imagine, imagine waking up in your glass box in the morning and there's just snail trails all over the glass. He's been trying to get in. While you were having to do all your online shopping at

Hellenstein because you can't go to the store. Yeah, true. And they can't get it into my box. Snell trials on the inside, knowing Dan as well. Just a gag, isn't it? It's a wanking gag. What are you doing? What's your got? What are you got in?

I've just realized if we squash the rumor and we call Green Bay Dental, I still go there as my dentist. You know, you don't shit where you sleep, whatever they say? Pooop where you work? I don't know. Shit where you go to the dentist? You don't know. I'm like, I don't want to shit on the doorstep of my actual dentist because then when I go...

Why, because I don't have a bidet? I'm going to be that guy. I'll call it up and just pretend I'm... They won't read my file to you? Yeah, you're Clint. No, no, I'll say I'm just someone else and do they use the term mint. No, we have to get his. We have to find out his...

Hello, my name's Clint. I think we have to play a straight back. You just have to go back to the dentist. It's fine. Could you just see on my file? Just go, my name's Clint. Can you just look on my file? I won't say, does it say mint teeth?

I will say, what did the fill in dentist, before I had Bruce, two checkups ago? What did he write in my phone? I don't think they're going to have the answer. They're going to go home. They should. I don't want them. If they're a good dangerous, they should.

I don't want to feel like I'm leading the witness and say, did he write this? And she'd be like, yeah. And then you guys will be like, I'm not paying that. They should. Okay. What a waste of this person's time. This phone call is going to be.

For them. No, but this is answering your question. You know? Quash in the rumor. Good morning. This is Green Bay Dental. Hi, it's Clint here. Is this Sonia? Selina. Oh, Selena. Sorry.

Selena, I go to Green Bay Dental I have for a long time, and I normally see Bruce. But the time before I saw Bruce, it was a fill-in dentist. He wrote something down in my file. Do you have the ability to go into my file and see what he wrote? because full disclosure Thank you. Full disclosure. Megan Dan are here and there's a story

going around about what the Philan dentist said about my teeth and my friends don't believe what he said. And I said no, I go to Green Bay Dental it's actually the dentist of the stars because Ed Shear and I went there a few years back and he's in the photo frame on the wall. We also don't believe that, but I'm believe. Yeah he is right. He's there.

Selena, he basically is saying that his teeth were quoted to be said something that we believe no dentist would say about somebody's teeth and it's a good thing so it's not we just can't believe somebody would ever say this about a patient's teeth but I think they're just jealous about what he said and I'm pretty sure

he wrote it down oh and if he didn't cling Oh about your teeth Yes so the last time I saw Bruce and the time before that Bruce was away and so I got a fill in dentist so I don't know his name but he wrote something down in my file about my teeth at the end after the checkup.

Okay. Is it there, Selena? Dr. Adam Stephen. Yes. Adams, yeah. Adam, yeah. Let's see. I'll just go back into the history. Thank you so much. It's very important. This is great, Selena. Let's have a look.

No, no, no. Don't put words in her mouth clean. Am I on the radio? No, no, no. No, we're just recording our podcast and we're doing anything called squashing the rumor, and I'm trying to squash a rumor about a comment that was made about my teeth by an actual dentist.

Yes, well, Adam said, Clint, that you have mint. I did say that, Selena. Yeah, that's on your record. Oh, my God, it's official. Now, Selena, you work in the dental industry. Is that a term, the word mint? Is that a term that is used quite often referring to teeth? No, not really.

No, so. Well, you sort of quashed the rumor, but not. fantastic teeth. Yeah. Selena, thank you so much for squashing the rumor. We must bow down now and believe Clint. We bow down to you, Selena. Yeah.

Pleasure, I'm glad I've made Clint today. Yeah, and if we could review this call, I'd say it was mint. Yeah. Mint service, Celine, Celine. Mint service at Green Bay Dental. Yeah, and Talbrews, I will schedule in. I have been getting your text reminding me that I am due, so I need to sort that out at some point, and I will.

Okay. It's good. Thanks, Selena. Next time you see Ed Sheeran, tell him hi from us. Oh, I will. And you'll mint, Selena. You'll mint, yeah. Oh, good day.

Thank you. Bye, oh. Bye. Bye. She was lovely, wasn't she? I want to go to Green Bay Dental now. Dan, you know what we've got to do. Yeah.

Clint, I apologize for not believing you. When you said that a dentist wrote on your record, you have mint teeth. Yes. Dan. Clint, I also apologize. I'm sorry I ever doubted you And even though I still believe that you were a little bit of a wanker Yeah

I at this time I'm wrong Oh man it feels so good when your rumour is Confirmed as no longer rumour and just fact I mean it's obviously it's a picture I saw that you're a little pussy Sorry You tried your best If you want to get in touch with us and you have a rumour

About a friend of yours that they have started or maybe you've been telling your friends something for a long time and they don't believe you. We'll get to the bottom of it. We'll prove it to be true if it is. Or we'll disprove it if it's not. If it's like the time that your friend, and in this case Dan, said that he read the bottom line at a speck savers and every staff member stood up and gave him a standing ovation and applaud.

I could have just been that one store. I don't have any rumours about me to quash. I've had a couple. Yeah, there's a few going around about you. What do you mean? I don't think it'd be hard to prove, though. One of them is very hard to prove. there only one guy ever that knows for sure.

All three guys in the room that I've heard. Oh, three. Three guys, we'd have to get all three of them on to confirm or tonight. That one's not a rumor. Yeah, okay. Thanks for listening, guys. She's quashing it right now. You don't need to investigate. I've got that was sadly true.