The Edge Breakfast - ONLYFANS still pretty damp at Megs...

Episode Date: May 13, 2025

This is a podcast from Rover. Dumb chat, bad decisions, zero shame. If that sounds like your vibe, you're in the right place. This is Clint Megan Dan's OnlyFans. Podcast, that is. Oh, I thought we were just doing Dr Nick Rivera, but you've gone... Oh, right, right. Ah, ah, ah.

I actually saw the guy who does The Voices, who was like Phoebe's boyfriend and friend, so I don't know his friend's name. Hank Azaria. Yeah. And he was standing in front of one of those like soldiers that are outside like the palace, like outside the castle. He would not be happy about that. I've seen that.

I sent it to you. Yeah, oh did you? He's wearing like this, you know those black, those massive big low high black fluffy hats. They call them a Beefeater. That's what they're called in the UK, a Beefeater. And they just stand there and they're super serious and they're allowed to smile. And he did a whole lot of like Simpsons character voices at him and he didn't do anything. He didn't move and smile.

But who's angry? Are they angry at the soldier or angry at Hank? Angry at Hank. You're not supposed to torment them. You're not supposed to go. How disrespectful. Imagine if you were guarding, one of the queens guard and you were standing at the gate and some person's coming up to you just coming up to your face going, No, he was doing it behind a barrier he was just trying imagine how

boring his life must be standing there protecting the king from no one they saying a monk's got a boring job when that's what they've chosen and then the guy who does the voice of all these Simpson characters happens to stumble across your Wednesday morning and perform them live for you what an absolute treat how long do you think would honestly last the three of us as being across your Wednesday morning and perform them live for you. What an absolute treat. How long do you think would honestly last the three of us as being the Queen's Guard where you can't smile or laugh or react? Half an hour. It'd be worth a little experiment. I'd be terrible.

Carl, can you get us a dress up please? Thank you. All we need to do is just put a little funny hat on, stand still with a straight face and we kind of replicate it. And I need a red jacket. Straight face would be fine. I'd board him, I would quit. I think the board would get me, I'd be like, I can't do this anymore. The thing is I know secrets about both of you. I'd come up to you and just go.

Oh fuck, I'd be out. I'd start telling the secret and then you'd be gone. I think it's kind of like there's this physio that I go to and there's this guy who sits outside it and I thought he was just always injured. Turns out he's security for, it's almost like, it's not a mall but it's like one of those, you know how you walk off the beaten track

and then there's just almost like a mall type hallway with like eight to 10 shops off the sides? It's just one of them and I think one of them is like a jewelry store and it sells lots of gold. And they're the security guard. And they just stand in them and I think one of them is like a jewelry store and it sells lots of gold and they're the security guard And they just stand in this tiny little suburb of Auckland and just stand out there Just I guess protecting the gold store without any weapons The difference is Clint they have thoughts in their head and you don't have that part of your brain

We've discussed this your brain only works you get thoughts by saying thoughts Whereas I can sit in silence and have whole fucking conversations for hours. With yourself. You gotta get that checked. No, no you get it. By the way, Sentry Duty is a two hour stint, so two hours of standing there. Standing still. They train for years as well, the Bee Feeders, in the UK.

Wait, what do they do for the other six hours for an eight hour day? So it's a 24 or 48 hour shift, they have two hours and then a full break off duty and then probably go back to another two hour stint. That's pretty cool what they do over there. That's not bad, that's like finding out when you want to be a firefighter. You're like they do how many hours a day and then you go oh but they do four days on four days off. Yeah yeah. You go okay hold on that's better. I mean you've watched The Wizard of Oz where they're we oh we oh they're based on the Queen's Garden the UK those characters those people but they're not supposed to say anything and

they're singing I know but they're like the way they march around and the way the stuff the costume they wear I think they're breaking like the one major role of being the King's Garden what talking you never see one of them laugh though in the movie Yeah, I couldn't do it either. You're not allowed to say like hi to anyone are you or take photos of people? No, you take photos with them You're just not allowed to stand there's like a line usually around them You can't stand any closer and so a lot of the people pass the line and I've seen a video of them going behind the line Like that and they don't hear them and they go behind the lineIND THE LINE! And then they go, oh Jesus, and step back.

So they do talk. But only when they need to. The rules are, guards are prohibited from moving except for specific authorised marches, which obviously maybe that would break the rules. But then they go on to say they also cannot sit, eat, smoke or sleep. Fucking clearly, if they're not allowed to fucking move,

why would you mean? Like, they don't take it, have it a fact. Yeah, you'd almost take up smoking if that was the only reason you were allowed to fucking move, why would you mean? Imagine if there's one just smoking. You'd almost take up smoking if that was the only reason you were allowed to move. Fuck, maybe I will then, because I'm just sick of standing here with my hands behind my back. What if you're an itch? You're allowed to scratch her? Not allowed to scratch. Full circle, itchy and scratchy. We're back to The Simpsons.

Oh my god, we've done it. And that's how we do it. Now we had a message actually from our Irish friend Liam Clint. You're in contact with him constantly. You've become his friend. Yeah, Liam and Emma. Yeah, lovely guy. We met them a few months ago and such a lovely couple, aren't they? You guys went to Rainbow's end with them.

I did, yeah. And we invited Danny and he went, fuck that, it's a listener. Why would I want to hang out with a listener? Did I say that? Nah, I don't think so. It sounds like something I'd say. Turn yourself under the bus. I don't know why would I want to hang out with a listener? Did I say that? Nah, I don't think so. It sounds like something I'd say.

No, I think I actually was busy. I would have loved to come, but there was something going on. Yeah, well he had a critique about one of the episodes last week, I think it was. I'm sitting in the Royal Dutch Lounge in Amsterdam just waiting to catch a flight home. I was just listening to your podcast there, I drew the one a couple of days back, like the sound effects. I had on headphones, I couldn't stop laughing. It was fucking uncontrollable laughing. It was fucking hilarious to the point that like the security guard came over. And that's, that's was everything all right. Like a real officially guy with a fucking suit and probably has a gun under his fucking,

under his waistcoat because it was the only thing I was fucking doing all this shit like. What do you think in the corner? It was crime's fucking shit like Shit, I'm sitting by myself places nearly empty Fuck it's so funny man Do you know why it's so funny to fucking Liam? Yes, listen Liam I know you're listening. It's because he fucking loves when I get the shit taken out He's a lover's accent he can say anything and it sounds hot. Whatever you guys have been doing on the OnlyFans podcast these last few weeks, it's been pure gold crack up. You guys, I hope, are making bank from that podcast.

No. Not a cent. Not a cent. He did three money bag emojis, I imagine it was one each. We look inside and there's no cash. Oh probably actually a couple to Clinton and then me and Dan have one. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they would have gone, you guys can share this one. And then Meg would have got it first and grabbed all the good shit out of it. And Dan got the coins?

What's this? A couple of drinks. Is this Casey's shit in here? The stuff no one else wanted. Anyway, so here we go. Nah, maybe if it kicked off and enough people started downloading it, there might be a few questions to be had. That has happened before. I mean we did have a few messages about that podcast. Do we want to try again?

What? Are we on air? What's happened? Are we on air? No, I thought radio... Server results were out today. No, it's next week. Tomorrow.

It's tomorrow. No, it's not, it's next week. No, it isn't. It's tomorrow. I think it's Thursday. Tomorrow. But I thought yesterday was Wednesday, so that's why I was like, we've missed it. Anyway, doesn't matter. But I mean, should we do the sound effects game again?

Um, are we allowed to be mean to Meg? Well, but the problem is... Oh, fuck off! Why would it even stop you? And by the way, Dan's right, it is next week. Yeah, it's next week. It's not the tomorrow. But anyway, I will say this. The only reason it's mean to Meg is because she thinks we're being mean.

I was just doing the sound effects that I think she would make. Dan, you made out. I was the size of a fucking ogre that was always damp. Because your house was damp! And not both of those are true, Dan. Mmm. Hahaha! Hey, wait a second. No, she has a very dry house. dead! And not both of those are true Dan. Mmm. Hey, wait a second. No, she has a very dry house. Oh, fuck me!

Fuck! Fuck me! Up top! Fuck, what the fuck? What the fuck? How have I, you both have fucking sister-in-laws. Why do I get all the front of it, like, you younger sister?

Because you bite, I know, because you bite, I do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I bite a sister-in-law and she bit every time I said something, I do it every time. Um, yeah. I bite a sister in order and she bit every time I said something, I do it every time. I don't know what I did in a previous life to be so cursed to work with two boys that have only had brothers and now they have this little sister play thing.

Yeah, I do it with my brother all the time. Oh, like, I know just how to put a string. Save that for the producers, sorry, please. Suck it in, sissy cunt. Now she's having a go at me. So there we go, swings and roundabouts, we all get it. And Clint is free, please. This is a fucking incestuous cunt. Now she's having a go at me. So there we go, swings and roundabouts. And Clint is free. There we go again, Teflon Don.

Quaching, quaching. So anyway, should we have another go? You tell us a story about what's happened to you, Meg. I'm going to get some background noise. So what's the setting? Is it your house? No, no, let me have a think. Hold on, let me see what I can find.

You need like a damp cave? Okay, me and Quake, we live out west, eh? Oh, yeah, get the helicopters. Okay, hold on. This is just a bedroom. Okay, where are we actually going? That's the thing, I can't do like what I did, you know, like I can't do another like morning wake up. I'm trying to think maybe I'll do my, I'll do my mother's day.

Okay. How about that? Oh lovely. Man, it should be a nice wholesome story. Right, I'm gonna not start in the fucking bedroom because I don't- Oh, I have bedroom audio. Okay, what do you need? I'm gonna need to change, oh no, no, no, no.

Where are you starting, just so Clint knows? Okay, let's fast forward from breakfast and bed and getting ready. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz What is it called? North West? Yeah, North West. Lovely mall. Is it North West? I don't think it is North West. What's it called? What's my local? It's not Westgate. Well, it is North West. Oh, it is North West. Oh, you're right. Okay, yeah, yeah. Well, they've got a lovely brother's...

Brothers? I don't know. Brother's beer? Brother's brewery? There's a place to eat there. But I went recently with my wife and they do pasta and they put it all on the cheese and spin it around on the cheese. Oh, Good Brothers. Good Brothers, yeah. Good Brothers. You were in I hurting? You didn't come and say hi. Well, it was just dinner with my family

It's the word. I know you don't like guys. I'm gonna be late. Hey guys, I'm just gonna call in and see my friend Hey guys, did you all bring a spear changer socks? No. All right. Well, we're going straight for dinner then Straight for dinner then. I'm not even wearing socks in my shoes. Oh, Clint! Fucking hell, we have spear gumboots, honestly. Fuck me. If you want to go in, put some gumboots on, Clint. Right, okay, we're starting at the mall.

Okay, so I walk into the mall with my daughter and my husband. There it is. Fucking instantly. Okay, that was a little low hanging from. There it is. Fucking instantly. Fucking hell, straight away! That was a low hanging throw. What is she, a little mouse?

I'm a horse actually, I think that's horse. I'm more insulted. Fucking horse. We'll get to the mall and then I go, Ooh, that looks like a nice place. Ooh, that looks like a nice place. Ooh, that looks like a nice place. Jesus. And lo and behold, it's muffin break.

So we toddle on over there to... Muffin, yum, yum, yum. You like that? What is this? Is this centaurs? Yeah, she's like a half woman's body and the bottom half's a horse. I look at the muffins that are on display and my daughter picks one out, she points to one. Mummy, I want that one.

And then my husband picks one out for himself, somehow. He's got a cold from the dampness. He's got black lung. You got it. Poor guy. He's got a cold from the dampness. He's got black lung. You got it? Poor guy. And then we order our coffees and they start getting made. Okay.

And I go and sit at the table. Boosh! Fuck it's damped everywhere she goes it's damp. Clothes! Splash! It's one of those muffin it closed. Splash. It's one of those muffin breaks that's based in a pool. Oh my god. OK.

I put some butter on my muffin. And I eat it. I sound like Gollum coffee. You sound like Daffy Duck with a cold. Sorry, this is the damn X-Corn guy already. I am I trot on over to farmers and I start looking for a certain lip line and I go through all of them. No not that one, not that one, not that one. Correct I didn't buy any, I left and then I top it back. Oh jeez, that's exp- for three dollars, that's expensive.

Oh, I'm gonna give you. Okay, and what do we do next? We left the mall, so we go in the car. So we go in the car. Were you busting for the bathroom first? Oh shit, I did actually go west, so I go into the bathroom with my daughter. So I go into the bathroom with my daughter You do one of those ones where you relax too much and you do a fart with your wee Sometimes they slip out of their pants That's so bad when they just

It's just pathetic from both of you really So far we've done fat jokes No we haven't Wet lung and now fart humour. It's not his black lung, not wet lung. Fuck that stinks. That was a real fart by the way. He didn't even do it with his mouth.

Oh fuck, Clint. I didn't. That's the sound effect. Right, okay so I went to the flushed... FART. FART. FART. Oh it's overflowing.

Into space here. Apparently I'm overflowing. into space, yeah apparently I'm overflowing, and then I wash my hands clearly Oh, I wash them more than that what the fuck, how high do you- Thank you, and then I dry them, I'm gonna dry them

and then when I wipe the excess off into my light pants or something, cause they never dry them very wet very wet, and then I normally wipe the excess off into my light pants or something because they never dry them. Very wet. And then we got into the car and we started discussing if we should go home and have lunch first before we go to the zoo. Should we go to the zoo? Or go to the lunch guy? Okay, so we're driving home and we're in West Auckland so lots going on. Woo! He's coming! Get down on the ground! Woo! Oh, home.

Sorry, get out of the car. Oh, home. I go and have a lie down on the bed. It's a water bed. It's not meant to be though. No, it's just a silly posture pig. I go and have a lie down on the bed. It's a water bed. Not meant to be though. Originally I bought a full mattress.

And then Guy heats up a soup. Fuck this is the most boring Mother's Day. Is this genuinely your Mother's Day? Remember we had some potato and leek soup for lunch together. Mmm, yum. Lek and soup, mmm, V5. Yum, yum, yum. And then, unfortunately, my daughter fell asleep so we weren't able to go to the zoo.

And then my husband fell asleep and my dog fell asleep. So weren't able to go to the zoo. And then my husband fell asleep, and my dog fell asleep. So they were all asleep. Snoring. Oh god, this is taking me back. And she was on me asleep so I couldn't move and I needed to wee again. So I just kinda lay there for an hour and a half I just sat there on the couch.

Everyone else was, oh my god, I don't breathe like that when I'm sitting. No, but you've got your daughter sitting on top of you. Oh yes, kind of, yeah. And then snoring, just like guys getting louder. What's this background noise? It's cave ambience. Oh, fuck me. Ha ha ha!

And we were, okay, that's a whale? Is that a whale at my fucking house? What the fuck is that? It's not dampening, but it's underwater. We're in a fucking aquarium. Do you live in... Do you live in... What is it? Atlantis or something?

That's why... I don't see you. That's why it's so wet. Oh my god. Can't even leave it there. Bugger. Guy make me a fish pie for dinner. This one?

Meg, do you want a fish pie for dinner? What? Just look at the world around you Right here on the ocean floor Such wonderful things surround you What more is your looking for? Under the sea Under the sea

Darling it's better, don't worry it's wetter Take it from me Every time Daisy cries we sing her this Just to keep her cooking back up You can't tell she's not right though cause she's underwater Read the boat and full time to float in Under the sea Have a great day guys, thank you for listening, catch you next time