The Edge Breakfast - ONLYFANS - That's Gonna Drive Me Up The Wall!!

Episode Date: March 9, 2025

This is a podcast from Rover. This is Clint, Meg and Dan's OnlyFans podcast. A place where nothing is off the table and these three show who they really are. Not recommended for kids. Let's hope there's not too much of this. Fuck off! That's going to drive me absolutely up the wall. You've been warned. Dan is worse than a ball bag. I think Dan is a ball bag that's been left to rot and then dehydrate in a dark drawer of a house that was abandoned by some incestual people.

Welcome. I think you're a lovely person. Welcome to the OnlyFans. Just a bit of bants behind the scenes as we're just bringing Dan down. That's the sort of thing that happens behind the scenes. Meg paints this picture of a real positive, loving person, but when the mics are off, Clint.

And sometimes I just capture the end of those conversations. It's a shame, really. Are you still doing dedications? Yes, let's dedicate this podcast to a person that I've really enjoyed seeing on the podcast, Fam. This person...

See, everything he says in the lead up to this is bullshit. Because he doesn't know who they are yet. Their name? Shawnee Finity. It's an empty compliment now for Shawnee. And I'll say this about Shawnee. Shawnee. She's very good at art.

She was colouring in something the other day while she was listening to our show. And I said I'd shove a turnip up my arse. While she was colouring in. What if she'd send you the drawing? No, that was when he'd rather shove a turnip up his arse than watch Meghan Markle's TV show. Oh yeah, how was that? Yeah, he didn't shove the turnip up his arse

he watched the show. Yeah, and I'll tell you what, I'd rather shove the turnip up my arse to be honest. You watched it too Meg. I keep getting served it on Netflix because I guess it's served to everyone because of how much money they probably poured into it. Let me read you a little bit of it. Oh, no, I won't read your review. But to be fair, I'm just agreeing with everybody else.

It's funny. It's kind of a little insufferable to watch. But I probably will still watch it. Why doesn't she just – maybe she's not the type of person. I was like, just have a little bit of a laugh at herself and be a little more relatable in that space. Do you think she's so unrelatable now because she lived in the castle with the royal family as in-laws for a number of years?

I think she just wants to be seen as this perfect homemaker, and she's, I don't know. Not. She's just not. I've got some questions to ask men in my life. Would you like them, boys? Hit me. Yes.

Yeah? Hit me. Okay. We'll try and make it quick, but I won't go through too many, but I know you boys like it when I ask you questions and get to reflect. Okay. If you could switch bodies with the Prime Minister, Christopher Luxon, or your favourite actor, which would you choose?

My favourite actor? My favourite actor. No one wants fucking Humpty Dumpty. I mean, like, his job. Oh, he's doing a fucking terrible job. But you could fix it. You could fix it and be Prime Minister. Nah, as soon as you see Christopher Lux and I was out.

I reckon I'd take Adam Sandler's gig. Yeah, right. He just hires hot women to be his wife in the movies. Yeah, and sometimes he actually has his wife in the films a lot. I'm not sure if she's normally his love interest. She may have been before. But, yeah, he just hangs out with his mates. I think he's worth

a shitload more than he is. Don't go and check. Nope. You're not allowed to get distracted by checking people's... No. How much do you think

he's worth? Oh, he'd be worth like $100 million. It's not a side game. No, I do not care how much money Adam Sandler is worth. I think he's worth

$100 million. Off the rails. First question and we're out. $420 million. $420. First question and we're out. $420 million. Oh, $420. That was in 2020. He signed a new four movie

deal with Netflix worth over $250 million. Good on him. He has grossed over $2 billion worldwide. He's amazing. Here we go. Question number two. If you could be an aeroplane or a train, which would you choose? Train. Aeroplane. What? No, train's my favourite form of transport. All the places you would see as a plane.

I love aircraft. I love planes. But I think there's something really relaxing about being on a train. Like one of those real nice sleeper trains with the big seats. Stan could just close his eyes and the tracks would do the work. Yeah, true. That's true. Whereas planes, I guess, have to focus.

No, planes autopilot. Yeah, but you've still got to be careful in the sky. You're carrying, you know, all those people. I mean, planes, let's be honest, they're far more convenient and quicker. But sometimes the journey is just as... Oh, maybe you look to your plane, aren't you, real quick? I think the planes, I think trains,

the journey is on the train, right? Your whole thing is on the... Is this still a metaphor for sex? I'm unsure, because if it is, you ain't a train. It's all about the journey, babe. Just enjoy it. What kind of secret society would you start if you could? What do you mean?

Meaning, I guess, if there was a club, a secret club, that you're like, I just need to find my people. You'd probably do a survivor's club. Oh, yeah? You can just talk about it. And, Dan, you'd do people who like cats. I don't know. If you can't answer, I'm moving on.

I don't think I would want to do a secret society. What inanimate object would you delete from existence? Phones, mobile phones. Wow. Delete from existence? That'd be so dangerous. No, because we were fine without them before. Hardly.

I feel like I'd be like, Mum, my movie's cancelled. I just have to wait outside the movie for two hours because I couldn't let her know. I think we were fine. We operated very, very well without technology and the internet. Or maybe the internet. Is that an inanimate object? I just think the world's a worse place because of social media

and cell phones. I mean, there's a lot of pros as well. You're thinking of all the negative ones, but once you get rid of it, you'll be like, oh, shit. We can't do that now. We can't do that. But if you delete it, are you getting rid of it from your mind so you didn't even know you had it? You know? Yeah, sure. Because that would be good, because then you just kind of like, oh, we'll just go back to... Oh, Adam Sandler

loses $250 million. His four movie Netflix deals gone. He's not happy. What would be the worst buy one, get one free sale of all time? Probably an STD, but not that you'd buy an STD. Sorry. Buy one, get one free.

What's the worst buy one, get one free deal? Well, I guess. Because you still have to pay money for it. Yeah, maybe like hemorrhoid cream, something that you're like, I don't really want to buy this or something you only need like hemorrhoid cream, something that you're like, I don't really want to buy this, or something you only need once. You know when you buy something, you're like,

that's going to last me, that's going to last me a trip. I would get one free on coffee. You get two coffins, you're like, cool, what am I going to do with the other one? Yeah. It's very niche.

Oh, that would work with your partner though. A pot coffin could work. Or if you know there are some things that you buy once, you're like, that's going to last me my entire fucking lifetime. You don't need two of them. Yeah, true.

Although, yeah, you wouldn't say no. Like, if you're buying a coffin, you wouldn't take a three-second coffin. You'd find somewhere to put it or give it to. Sell it. A coffin's a pain to store. Say you die and then you're getting one for someone else. But if you get it for free and you put it on trade me and said, oh, I got a free coffin. Put it on Marketplace. Someone would come around and pick it one for someone else. But if you get it for free and you put it on trade me and said, oh, I got... A free coffin. A free coffin.

Put it on Marketplace. Someone would come around and pick it up for 80 bucks. I've always wanted to have my funeral before I die. There was someone that had one recently that was in the May the News and they were like dying, terminally ill. Should we one day do each other's speeches that would say at each other's funerals?

Do we have each other's funeral? Doesn't he think that's arrogant to have your funeral while he's still alive so you can see everyone just went up on about how cool you are. But wouldn't it be nice to know that you're going out and all your family gathered to say goodbye? Because a lot of the time when you're terminally ill, not everybody gets to say goodbye. It's just your close family and friends maybe surrounding you when you're dying. If you've got family flying from all over the country and overseas to be at your funeral

and they find out you're not dead, I'd want to be there to see their faces. They'd be so pissy to see their faces. Yeah. They'd be so pissy at you. That's true. Okay, what's the funniest insult you can come up with on the spot? Dan? I think you're one of the most minging bitches I've ever seen in my life.

You disgusting stink ass. Are we insulting me? I don't know. No, it wasn't meant to be. I was going to insult you and I thought you were going to insult me. I don't know why we pointed to me for that one. Never mind.

Okay, Clint. Do it at Meg, because she has to judge which one was worse. I hear you get two points hotter if you play the guitar. You should start. You'd be a three. It's a fun game. Who was better? I think Clint's was more creative.

Yeah, it was. That's what you just say to me every day. I'm normally when I walk into the room. Oh, no. I don't say minging. Normally ugly of some sort? No, God, never. Always talking about her physical appearance. Do you think you're good at giving advice? No, God,

no. In any space? Sure, generally. Yeah, car advice. Remember when we had a truck break down and he was like, they need me. But then did he give good advice to help fix the truck? No, he pointed to something. I will say, and you'll probably take the, I'm good at giving,

like, I don't necessarily know much about engines and how to fix it, but I know good cars because my dad's a mechanic and he'd always go, don't buy a second-hand German car, don't buy this,

don't buy that. But surely that's just their exceptions to the rule. They can't all, the whole fleet, Dan told me one time never get a Land Rover because they're pieces of shit

and they break whatever. But Land Rovers made a lot of money. I'm sure they're worth a lot of money, so they can't all be shit. They're good when they're new, they a land rover because they're pieces of shit and they break whatever. But land rovers made a lot of money. I'm sure they're worth a lot of money so they can't all be shit. They're good when they're new,

they're just bad when they're old. Isn't that everything? I think in New Zealand that's the next question Meg, something that's better when it's old

than when it's new. Cheese. Vits. You've got a vits Meg. They'll keep going. You're not a... Yeah, it's true. They keep going

forever and ever. Okay. Wine maybe as well? Yeah, it's true. To order bits. They keep going forever and ever. Okay. Okay, what? Wine, maybe, as well? Yeah, wine, cheese. Harrison Ford. Leather sometimes gets better with age, because it, like, kind of softens up. Yeah, nice. What's the biggest compliment somebody could ever give you?

Or best compliment. Is it when people are shocked by your age, because they think you're way younger? Yeah. Best compliment. People are shocked by your age because they think you're way younger. Yeah. I like that. They're like, fuck off, you're in your 30s. Is that the best compliment somebody could give you? They're like, oh, I think you're 34.

When they find I'm 39, they're like, 39? Or they go, have you got kids? How old are you? And I go, I'm 39. And they go, fuck off. No one all that? Have you got kids? How old are you? I go, I'm 39. They go, fuck off. No one's ever said that to you, though. Yeah, yeah. But sometimes it's when I'm paying for a service, so maybe they're just trying to get me to come back

and pay for the service again. I think mine would just be like, you're really hot. Because I've never had that. I've never had anyone say I'm hot. Yes, you have. We saw a girl fucking say it electric ass. What did she say? She was drunk, though, I think.

That he's really hot. She probably had her beer goggles on. What if the rumour was just like, Dan is crazy good in bed? But that's such a rumour, because I'm not. Dan, you didn't need to say it. No, but you know what I mean. I wouldn't say I'm terrible.

I wouldn't say I'm fucking Forrest Gump. But I'm definitely not. I wouldn't say I'm terrible I wouldn't say I'm fucking Forrest Gump But I'm definitely not I wouldn't say I'm, you know Mr Sexy He's like, what's the opposite of Forrest Gump in the bedroom? He can't even think He can't even think of what's the hottest Mr Sexy Channing Tatum

What are people that are hot saying? I'd love to know who Mr. Sexy is. Let me find out. I'm going to ask Google, who is Mr. Sexy? Who did you just compare yourself to? I was going, just anything hot. Anything hot. Anything, Dan.

My brain's going ding, ding, ding. Yeah, no. Mr. Sexy Man. There is an artist called Mr. Sexy. There you go. His name is Neil Travis. I'm just, yeah, you know what I mean. I'm very self-conscious about my body,

so if anyone ever goes, oh, you're hot, I go, oh, thank you. Thank you, that's nice. No one's ever said that. And Clint, yours is that you look younger. Look younger. What's your picture-perfect breakfast? Just a cereal.

I love cereal Fuck off That's gonna drive me Absolutely up the wall Your picture perfect breakfast Is just a cereal Well I just love Shut up

Cereal's my favourite food Cereal's my favourite food What with like With like yoghurt And like dried berries And stuff Like surely There's gotta be more to it

No I'm fucking so happy With just a bowl of Like Shut the fuck Nutri-grain Or fruit loops Or just a sugary cereal, Nutri-Grain or Fruit Loops or just a sugary cereal. Picture perfect Clint. So Death Row, picture perfect

last breakfast you're ever going to have and you're going to go with a bowl of fucking cereal. Yeah. I don't know. I like like a meal where if it's got, I don't know, like it might be crazy, like green scrambled eggs and then broccolini and there's chilli flakes and there's stuff in it where I go I don't even know what that is. Can I eat

that or is that for show? I want one of those breakfasts where you're like, I don't know if I'm supposed to eat that. I love an eggs benedict or something, but I think I really enjoy just a nice sugary cereal. It's like a bit of a vice of mine. I'd eat cereal every day. Why not pancakes then?

Or waffles? Yeah, or french toast. Yeah. Sometimes they, because I've got ADHD and so I've Why not pancakes then? Or waffles? Yeah, or French toast. Yeah. Would you scale? Sometimes I don't. Because I've got ADHD, so I've been looking a lot into how diet affects your ADHD. Having a sugary breakfast is, they say, probably the worst thing you could ever do for you.

Who are you, a fucking doctor or something? Yeah, no, I just got the alphabet out of my head. Hey, stinky butt update. Dan only said it twice. And I didn't even take Ritalin today so my doctor's wrong because he was like

take it every day. So I don't know what I've done. We only got two stinky butt. I think it's because I'm thinking really, really consciously about not doing it.

Yeah. Dan's a little crutch at the moment. Although maybe it's fading. It's called a good... I've got a couple more questions before I have to go and film maths.

One, would you rather write a best-selling book or paint a famous piece of artwork that everybody wants and is hung in a museum? Best-selling book. Yeah? Yeah, because I feel like you get more money. Oh, really?

I don't think so. Not for a painting. Millions of dollars doing painting. I think it's more the fact that you've got wisdom that other people are actually reading. I so disagree with that. I think a book, there's so many avenues of making money from it. You

sell the rights to the movie. You sell the rights to merch. You do all the other stuff. Whereas a painting, you sell the painting and you're kind of done with it. You're boring, Meg. Okay, next question. Sorry. I'm so sorry. Okay, let's do a final question. Final question. Final question. Oh, boring. Boring. I know that Clint's answer, easy for this one.

Would you rather have a month-long staycation or a week-long adventure? You'd rather adventure, right? A week-long adventure. Or a month-long stay in Auckland. Yeah, no, week adventure. Yep, yep, yep. Okay, final question for this podcast is going to be. Oh, God, she hasn't saved the best or last.

What's your go-to joke? Oh. I hate it. It's the one about the birds on... It's the one about the... I hate a one-line. I've never laughed heaps at just a joke, like a one-line joke. I think it's when anyone, if you're on a plane, and the hostess goes round and says,

would you like headphones? And you go, yes, but how did you know my name was Phones? You can use that next time you're on the plane, I guess. I prefer the joke you do about when there's a female pilot and you go, oh, God, we're not going to land well. What? That's not my joke. That's your joke.

He always does that. Your joke is shit. Your joke sucks. Well, I've been the butt of the joke for this whole podcast, so you may as well fucking just end it here. All right, Mr. Sexy. That's my name. Don't wear it out.

All right, we'll see you tomorrow guys, thanks for listening Bye Oh, it started again I was waiting for it to kind of end so then we could – anyway, thank you. See you guys. Rover.

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