The Edge Breakfast - ONLYFANS wayyyyy too fart heavy

Episode Date: November 16, 2025

This is a podcast from Rover. Come for the chat, stay for the trauma bonding. This is Clint McGinn-Dand-Dan's Onlyfans. Podcast, that is? Like, he's like, why are you here? I'm like, because my farts stink. I couldn't do it to myself. It's actually a sign that something could be wrong.

He said they're really, really bad. Welcome to the Only Fans, everyone. With Clint Dan and Ash, London. Oh, goodness sake. Little insight to some of the conversations that got on behind the scenes. We were just talking about, as I've said before, Clint, and you've got to be careful here. very fart heavy on these podcasts.

Hey, I've got nothing to do with this. Ash is the one who's, like, bagged her feces and dropping it off at the post office. For science and health purposes. Yeah, because on your Ash. We were, like, maybe it's like a potency test, and we were like, how would that work? And we're like, maybe they just get, like, 10 people in a room,

open the bag, and then they set a timer. And once the last person has to leave, they stop the timer. I'm sure there's a more, like, scientific way that they do that. Hopefully, because they charge you $600. I did wonder if the people that check the feces have a peg on their nose, when they actually open the vial up? Well, I think it's a machine. It would be all automated.

To open the vial, though. Oh, they'd have like a full mask on. I would not be having any whiff of that. Of course they've got a mask on. Yeah, they're like a full, like, oxygen mask. Especially because you don't know if it's like someone like Ash, because that's probably a good package where it's like, they're just curious.

Oh, my God. Thank you. Whereas someone who's like some sort of chronic illness and they don't know what's wrong. And you're like, oh, God, I don't want to be the guy who gets that back. Do you think when it gets into the lab test they open ashes poo and they're like, oh, Cindy, come over and look at this gorgeous little one here. God, what a cute little purse.

She must be one of those rich ladies that just wants to know what's going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, good on you. I live like a rich lady, but I'm not one. You can be a rich lady. There's nothing solving about being a rich lady. What is? They've got my microbiiner's off.

That's the saddest Christmas. It's why I really want more than anything. And it's so expensive that I was like, this can be my Christian present. When Santa got that in the wish list, he was like, this is a first day. There's no way that anyone else has got that for Christmas. I want my shit sample. We're all different. You know, we all want, I'd much rather have that and have that knowledge

than get like a pan bag or whatever. You know, my health, I guess you'd say, the thing I do with my health is very bad. I just don't want to know what I've got happening down there. I'd rather not know. That's fair enough. And like maybe one day I'll get some sort of bad illness. Yeah.

And then I'll go, fuck, I wish I'd shat in a jar. But it's better than living like I do, which is with a lot of anxiety and a lot of control and worrying I'm going to get dementia in 40 years. Like, it's nowhere to live. When was the last time you went to the doctor, Clint? Like, just, I don't know. Oh, no, I got a new doctor and got my bloods done because Meg's always like, oh, you don't get bloods done every year,

but you get your car service, and I said, that's fair. So probably maybe nine, ten months ago, but it was only just purely to get a check up and get some bloods done. Yeah, which is a good thing to do the check. bloods because so many things are like silent and you don't know about it unless you get a blood test and like oh why is your playlist so low although i wonder whether i'd talk about this or not and i guess it's easy to talk about because i don't know what it is but i'm booked in on wednesday i just literally did it last night and i was like hmm no i was feeling around and i was like you know

like sometimes you're just watching tv yeah my wife all like what are you doing i said i don't know maybe it's comforting and i was like what is that i was like is that normal or is that like a lump A little lump in your balsa. Yeah. It could be an ingrown hair. It could be an ingrown hair. Yeah, and I was like, it could just be nothing. But then like, and I said, wife, it's probably nothing.

She was like, yeah, but isn't they going to drive you nuts and make? And I was like, probably, probably not. But then I'm like, oh, maybe I just owe it to my also wife and kids to just go. But then I'm like, well, I only just got a new, we literally transferred from the doctor I've had since I was like a kid to this new place. and I met them one time and this was only to do my bloods I can't have the second time I go they'd feel in my nuts

as if they care they've seen 10 more nuts that day they're not going in the mud trip fuck we just got Clinton on board and he's already getting us to feel this stuff they don't do that that's not how doctors operate I know that's what my wife said

but I was like I'm just going to choose a male doctor and you don't be much worse? Because I have a female doctor and I was like I'd rather just that not be her Wednesday morning going oh cool I think it'd be much worse than you waiting here

and then them having to tell you have testicular cancer That's a worst day at work than just seeing a bullsack. We are also all the time at work telling people like, guys, get checks and rah-rah-rah, whatever. So I was like, it'd be really silly not to. Yeah, you're just going to ultrasound, like, Webby had? Yeah, yeah, it was, and you know what? It was, I was so nervous.

I think I've never been more nervous to where before I had that ultrasound. They should just have one in the building, because if they go, we're unsure what that is, let's just do an ultrasound right now, whereas then you've got to book to see another person and then booking another. Welcome to being a woman, man. Oh, it's like, it's past, palm you off to the next person, the next person. And then after four or five different visits, they could be like, oh, you're fine.

So it didn't grow any of you. Yeah. But it's good on you, you feel like, because it took Adrian months and months and me harassing him to go and get the lump sort of and it was a bloody ingrown hair. And you know what? You know, you say that? I saw a stat like once and it was like, I think it was like 70% of the time are even higher than that.

The lumps are not cancerous, but just get them checked. Well, and the most fun part of the whole thing so far was I said to Jay, I've got a little bit of a lumpier, but I'm not sure. I'm going to need you. I think your tongue is probably the most sensitive way that you can really feel the lump. How much money is it? Oh, you've got to, there was no lump. He's just saying this now.

This whole radio thing's just been a ploy. Yeah. Do what you've got to do, grow. Although that doesn't know how it goes. Yeah. And also, if you're listening, like, doctors don't care. As long as you're showered and you're not going in there with, like, you know, manky balls or poo.

Like, just, it's fine. They don't care. Do you want me to come with you to support you? Who would you rather be? there, him or me. Because I'd be more supportive but he's a dude. Yeah, but then also like Dan would twist the story

and it would be told in 10 different ways. He got a bono before he even went in and just the thought of Dr. Paul touching his sack. He knows it too. And then when the doctor was like, oh my God they are some of the biggest. Especially in comparison to

a tiny dick. They had to get a rhino doctor in just because they had worked with big balls before. They descended a zoo to get the MRI because the machine wasn't big enough. They'd put him on the elephant scales. Yeah, I'd be like, oh, you know, Don't really know what happened because I was sitting out in the waiting room, but I could tell when he was feeling was a head, Clint goes,

oh, yeah, that'd be all that shit. Oh, my God, then I'm not going to come then. That's what Clint said. Oh, dear. Anyway, so it'll be good. So Ash, she's looking after herself. I'm going to look after mine. So, Dan, it needs to rub off on you, mate.

No innuendo that. If I'm going to the doctor, there'll be none of that. I recently did a thing as well because I was weeing all the time. I think we've talked about it. Oh, that's right. But I had an ultrasound and stuff, and then nothing came back. They were just like, you just drink less liquid before you go to bed. And it's actually worked.

What a waste of everyone's time. I know. I know. And I was like, I have a cup of tea every night. And he was like, that'll be it. Really? Yeah. Like I had to lay in bed and have a cup of tea.

And then go straight and we turn off the line and go to bed. And it's like, he's like, that's what it is. The tea going through your system and you're wanting to feel. Like, I'm not a doctor. I know. You were having a glass of tea before. And we'd have been like, well, don't do that anymore. But I would have literally, the process of elimination goes, stop doing that for a week.

If it gets fixed, that's your fucking problem. But I've always done that my whole life. Like, my whole adult life, I've had a cup of tea. Really? Yeah. With caffeine in it? No, I have a decalf, decaf, English breakfast. And I'll go to bed every night with a tea.

insomnia, but has a full nest, like one of those sachet coffees, Carcino before bed. She's addicted to it. So her and was at like 9.30, do you want a coffee love? Yeah, do. And they sit there and she's up at 1 a.m. scrolling Facebook. That's not insomnia.

That's just coffee. Now it's her body's just learned. Now I think it's years and years and years of. And I'm like, so now she's switched to a decaf, a nest cafe. But she's still awake. I'm like, yeah, I think your body's actually like your body's learned that that's when it wakes up because you know. Yuck.

Because the shelf life of coffee is like. 24 hours or something. So like if you have a coffee at 6am, I think a quarter of it is still in your body by the time you go to sleep. I've never worked out the maths because they talk about a half life and then it diminishes by half and then it goes to a quarter and then an eighth. And I don't know how long the time is. So I think it's like midday, after midday, you'll have caffeine in your system when you go to bed. Can I, on the topic of coffee, I heard this fact. It was not necessarily a fact, but it's an interesting bit of information that I was given on the weekend by Hannah's mum, Beth.

And she said that coffee in terms of going to a coffee shop or like a cafe and getting a flat white or something was never a thing until like the early 90s in New Zealand. You couldn't go into a cafe and buy a coffee. It was just coffee like it was either instant or maybe every now and then you could get like a fancy coffee at like a really swanky Italian restaurant. I feel like cappuccino's been a thing since I was a kid. Not in New Zealand. What?

Did you check her on chat or Google? Yeah, like I think there was maybe like a few very niche places that did coffee. But in New Zealand like until like the early 90s, maybe late 80s, there was no such thing as like a cafe. When could you get a barista espresso as early as what year in New Zealand? From the late 1980s to the early 1990s is when you could start to get a latte. Isn't that crazy? Wow. So she was bang on?

Yeah, and like there was cafes like Robert. Before the 90s, instant coffee was it. Isn't that great? And it was like Australia, like most places around the world, apart obviously Italy and France and stuff, they had it. Wow. Espresso machines first started arriving in New Zealand in the 50s, and then they said after 1958 import restrictions

made it hard to keep espresso machines in cafes, so many of them disappeared. Crazy, eh? And then, yeah, the modern espresso cafe really picked up in the 80s. It's amazing. I remember going to Robert Harris with my nana, Like when I was like early 90s And I remember her like having a coffee

And it was never like a frothy milky one It was always like an instant Or maybe like a version of We were Lebanese, we always had stove coffee Like black coffee always But then Starbucks We moved to Asia when I was a kid And I had Starbucks

And that's, that blew my mind That nowadays it's you just take like a flat white Or a like latte Do you know Starbucks is responsible For bringing Italian coffee to the West Like lattes Before that it was instant coffee But it was Starbucks that made like

a latte or a foamy, milky coffee, broader from Italy, isn't that crazy? I only get the same thing at Starbucks. Caramel frappuccino, no cream. Oh, no whip. There's nothing better in the whole world. Caramel frappuccino, no, yeah, no cream. I say no whip, that's the American way. Oh, is that what, no cream? Because it gets all like on the Ruthier mouth. Rivier mouth! Yeah, like, no. It's so weird. Why does it do that?

Did you just become best friends? Yep. We went on a cruise ship once and they had a Starbucks on board. I would be there every day. Good, is that? Was that the Disney one? Yeah, and you get the drinks package, so it was dangerous. I never forget being a Starbucks. The Royal Caribbean.

Nice, must be nice. About two, a year and a half ago, maybe with Buddy, and we go in there, and he's like, my, it was in a pram, and his, he's, like, harnessing was obviously, like, making his penis swooge. He's like, Mom, my penis hurts. My penis. And he's yelling about his penis in Starbucks. And I was like, buddy, I will get you any chocolate drink you want if you stop saying penis. He said, can I have a hot chocolate?

I'm like, fucking fine. It was so embarrassing. Like, all these, like, Asians, because I only Asian people, and me and Clint go to Starbucks. We're, like, staring out me as my kids, like, my penis hurts. If you do, if you are on a Disney Cruiser and you order coffee. I won't be with it. They, they don't have a Starbucks, but they do have machines

that you will then choose what character you like, and the machine will froth the milk and then leave an imprint of, like, Bell or Mickey Mouse or the Little Lumade. And so when you take your, like, they don't have. lids they'll just hand it to you and it'll have a picture I think I just missed the Disney bus hey like I love Disneyland and going there and stuff but in terms of anything

else I've just, it's just never interested me. Do you know what it's just discovered that in Universal Studios in Singapore which is my favourite, they've got Minion Land oh yeah, buddy would lose his fucking mind so I think we're actually going to go to Singapore just to go to Minion Land there's joys of having one child

yeah and then you realise what the whole holiday cost you and it was all based around minions I know but we've got my best friends live in Singapore also a freercom. So really, it's cheaper than staying in New Zealand. Minion land. Is it just like a whole load of little people dressed up as minions? Minion rides, minion people, minion shows.

Because you have to have... Minion ice blocks. You have to have kids as the minions, eh? Or little people. Or maybe they're just mechanical robots. I do have to run to drop off my poo. Okay, good on. I thought, oh, Adrian's here.

I can take the car. I was going to have to borrow one of your cars to drop the car. Why do you get him to drop off your poo? Because he refused. Did he? Because he didn't want to touch my poo. There was... I'm like, yeah, but you'll eat me out.

It's literally, it's literally an inch away. Jesus Christ. Okay, and on that note, he married you in sickness and in health, and if that means delivering a poo for you, he should bloody do it. Well, that answers the question that came through on text before we started recording. When Ash was saying she eats quite a lot of nuts, and was talking about how she can get them in bulk at Costco. And Hayden Allen, hey, bro, if you're listening, said,

Ash, have you ever had bofer nuts? What are bofer nuts? Both are these nuts. Come on. Awkward. She did a mic drop gag, and now she had to come back to get a swipe car. Look at her carrying her bag of poo.

It's a big bag for a little poo. What is that smell? She's got it like a fucking duffer bag. How big is her? That's bigger than Clint's gym bag. And he keeps his shoes in his. Bigger than my ball sacks. Wow.

A good of a callback hack. Okay, see you guys. Bye.