The Edge Breakfast - ONLYFANS we promise to be better

Episode Date: February 9, 2026

This is a podcast from Rover. Your mum's podcast, unless she's into absolute filth, in which case, respect. This is Clint Megan Dan's Onlyfans. Podcast, that is. Welcome to Only Fans, Clint Megan Dan. Full disclosure, we've just had like a fucking 45 minute to an hour long meeting about this podcast. It's new name, the things that need to start happening. It's a girl guess the far.

And it's exciting because we're going to start a level of. Coming up this podcast, putting a heck of a lot more effort into it, which is great if you already listen and are a fan. I actually, after last week, thought, you know what? It's probably time. I'm a grown-ass man. It's time that I drop, guess the fart on a Friday. I genuinely thought that over the weekend.

And guess what? There was the one thing the guy was like, that's the consistent thing you guys do every week. Jesus. God help us. So, yes, the fuck is absolutely. And that's the one consistent thing on your podcast that one of the hosts fucking farts every Friday.

there's something fucking wrong. But it's so unique. Oh my God, it's so unique. You can't go anywhere else and try and guess the fart. What's the one positive we can take? Fuck one of your farts on a Friday? Fuck me. I wonder it's tanking.

I was honestly just like... It's cut. Clint, you've got to keep it up. I'm so sorry. But remember we did try and take it away one time. There were riots. Well, that was the only reason why I think for the last few months, Meg, I've gone, no, we did try to take away.

The people really, they rioted. They really wanted it back And so we brought it back But that's not A Brian Tomickeke was much ago He was a Greek But Big Christopher But it's now being so many months

Since the riot That I feel like Okay It's time to stop Yeah it's not By the way Time to stop I'm sorry about that

Just when you start talking about farts My body starts producing one Like I can feel that right Let's just say this Friday Will be maybe the last one You do one big One or something No

I already talked enough about bloody poop in your pants as an adult on yesterday's podcast. Didn't someone comment on the Facebook page? Yeah, someone on the podcast fan. And remember, please do join. We love new people that join.

There's still new people joining every day. Sounds like Dan's being told to say that after the meeting. No, no. They were like, don't stop pushing it, if anything. So I'm going against the grain. Someone said... Anonymous said that, yes, about how they were pissed off that all of our

shit in our self stories were from our childhood. Yeah. And they thought they felt seen for a minute. Yeah, so listening to, so it was Samantha, Samantha, Cyrenus. Dan, not even going to attempt to sireness. Well, it's a silent T, I, it's T.S. Oh my God.

Sireness. Not anonymous at all, sorry, Sam. She was like listening to the first only fans today. Dan, there is a whole population of people who knew you as a kid who always shit his pants and hid them around the house now that you're on radio. that's their claim to fame story Yeah and now somebody And then underneath that Anonymous

Did mention I hated how everyone's Poo Themself Stories is from a long time ago I accidentally shit myself once a month or two Yeah And I was hoping for a bit of camaraderie Yeah, camaraderie That's right That's so funny

When when people are telling a story And you go to tell yours When oh my God I did that And then you realise Oh you've read the room wrong They were talking about when they were children Love that Meg's got a hypothetical for us

I do I have today's hypothetical question What are you looking at Clint I need your food? A food gamer into the studio. What is this, Carl? From my show sponsor. Yeah, that's a vegetarian one.

Yeah, that's a vegetarian saucer. There were actually meat, sausage rolls and pies, but the rest of the staff smashed every single one of them. That is our show sponsorship. I'm like, guys, what's going off? That's what happens when people hijack your deliver easy delivery. I used to manage this sponsorship when I was out in the promo team, and I would get reamed if I didn't bring those pies into the studio.

What's happened? Place has gone to the dogs. We've gone weak. Do we have tomato sauce though? I'll go find some. I'll probably smashed all that too. I saw Dave from accounts just tipping that into his mouth. You can't call it a vegetarian sausage roll.

There's no sausage in it. It's just a... It's a plant roll. Okay. Right. Here's a situation. Talk but while I eat my roll. For goodness sake.

And this is why. This is not why we're failing. Do not fucking say that time. Yeah, honestly God. The people that we had the meeting for an hour will probably be listening to this podcast. I see what's wrong with it. And they're like, Meg is now. It's Meg eating and farting.

No, no, Clint Farther. Okay. You are in a big warehouse. A big empty warehouse. You've got the clothes that you're wearing right now on your bag. I'm not an elephant this time. You're not an elephant this time. So it's like a, yeah, like a huge, like main freight.

Yeah, Dan, you're wearing a t-shirt. Are you sure you want to be wearing that in this hypothetical band? Well, you can't change it. He's wearing what he's wearing. These are my best clothes. So thanks, Clint. These are my A rotates. All right.

In this warehouse, there is a big 60-second timer up on the wall that you can see, right? And there's also, do you know, you're not gamers, but you know what a spawn spot is? Yeah, yeah, yeah, Sporn Spot. You know what Sporn Spot is? That's weird, like if you die, you come back alive. Yeah, it's a little spawn spot ahead of you,

so you can see that spawn spot, and thank you. And you can see a big 60-second timer. Closing your back, nothing else, big empty warehouse. Okay. From the spawn spot, up pops you as a 12-year-old. Okay. And I'm... So wait, where am I now?

You're still yourself, but you can see, you as a 12-year-old is the thing that's... Can I have to speak slower for death. Okay. But where am I in the warehouse? You're still standing... Next up on the spot! You're still standing looking in front of you,

and there's a spawn spot and up pops 12-year-old you. Okay. Can I leave the warehouse? He's fucking annoying me. No, you're not in the same warehouse either, by the way. Shame question.

So you've jumped to conclusions, listen, you, you're in your own fucking warehouse. Thank you. Right. Right, you're in your own fucking warehouse. You're standing there. a 60 second timer, you're looking at a spawn spot, in the spawn spot, who, up pops you as a 12 year old, right?

You're still yourself, you're like, that's me as a 12 year old. Yeah, I got the concept of first time you said it. You've got it, fucking hell. Then that 12 year old you, imagine them in your head, at full pace, runs at you and is trying to kill you, right? Are they naked or have they got the same clothes on as me? Oh, why do you want your 12 year old self to be nude? Why are they naked?

Because you were very specific about I'm wearing the same clothes. What are they wearing? I'm just saying that you don't have any weapons. You have nothing on. on you. You've got no weapons on you. And they've got no weapons on them. Damn wasn't know what the 12 year old's wearing.

You're sick of. But it's me. So I know I'm wearing your 12 year old clothes. Okay. And you know your limits as a 12 year old, right? Clint probably faster maybe than Dan's 12 year old. Yeah, definitely. Okay.

Is Clint's 12 year old in the same thing as me? No! It's your own 12 year old. I won't do hypothetical questions if you guys are going to be assholes about it. It's good confusing. It's not confusing. So you're in the warehouse. I'm in Kmart.

Right, fuck yourself, I'm going to have some of my sausage roll. So then what happens? So then, okay. Sounds like the 12-year-old is going to try and kill us. Yes, the 12-year-old is trying to kill you, right? He can't. Yes, exactly, let me finish the fucking story before you go into it. Oh my fucking God.

That wasn't Clinton Party, by the way, that was me spreading some sort. Right. They run towards you. They're trying to kill you. You can, you're like, okay, well, you're tiny. You're 12-year-old me. You can kill them pretty easily, right? Mm-hmm.

It's not very nice, but you do it. So you kill them. I think I'd try and talk some sense into him. So you've killed them next. 60 second timer has gone down. You killed them pretty quickly. You killed them within the one minute. But then the timer starts up again and another 12-year-old you pops up.

Every 60 seconds, another 12-year-old you pops up trying to kill you. How many do you think you could get through before they overtake you and you die? That's the question. Wait, when the timer runs to 60 Are two of them emerging at the same time? No. Or is it like... One comes up every time but if you're still...

Fighting your other one. If you're still fighting the other one... If I beat... So if I kill them in the first 20 seconds, I've got 40 seconds to rest into another one comes up. But again, it's just one. And then one. It's not two. No, it's just one.

And I've got no weapons apart from that. Nothing. What I'm wearing now? I've got a gun. No, you haven't. Okay. Produce the car? I love this for me because most of my 12-year-old year, I was in a cast. so I'm like, shame fuck it.

I'm just easy take him out. For you, it's your 13-year-old. Yeah, oh shit. Broken arm or broken leg? Nah, leg, man, I was hobbling around. You'll be fine. But how many do you think you could get through with your broken leg 12-year-olds, though?

Of them? Yeah. Man, I could keep going all day. Like, I just... No, you could end. What, just beating up a crippled kid. Easy! No, here's the thing.

How many 12-year-olds could you smash dead? I would give up. Because I know that I maybe could go for another five more and finish him off. But then, I know that at that point, there'll be the point where I'm exhausted and the 12-year-old's going to finish me off,

if you know what I mean. The great thing about podcasts is no one I imagine has started this podcast in the middle because people don't do that. It'll help people randomly turn into a radio show. I wonder what the hell are you talking about? Hopefully that didn't just happen. I would, yeah.

How would you kill them though? Because I know that for me, as a 12-year-old of a fucking limsy little pathetic prick. So I would... I reckon that'd be more fit than you now. Absolutely not. I was not at my peak at 12. I think I peaked at sort of 25.

So I was quite a fat, I was eating a lot of pies. Like eight standard, like, what was that, form two? Yeah, I was a podgy little loaf of bread at that point. So I think I'd probably just, I could almost outrun them as well. Yeah, but the problem is then you're just running around to warehouse. And once there are like 14 of them, I think it'd be hard to evade. Like I think you have to keep trying to kill them one at a time, because if you let five or six of them

start running around, then they'll exhaust you. And hold on, wait. So is there any exit? I'm just in there for eternity. No, let's say you're in there for... 12 hours. I think I could stay in there for 12 hours and... And survive?

That's 720 kids. Thank you, Clim. Oh, then nah. Oh, that is a lot. And like I was a big boy... Okay, what about an hour? Let's bring it down to one hour, 60 kids, right?

Do you think you could get through 60? There's no way I would. Do you think you could smash 60 kids? Depends on the kid. Well, it's you. It's a 12 year old. Yeah, nah. All at once, definitely no, but if you were... How are you doing them?

The key is to defend, like, to at least knock them unconscious or kill them within 60 seconds. So when the next one comes out, it's still always going to be 1v1. You can still beat two of your 12... You beat two of your 12-year-old selves if it was 2v1. 3V1, sure, I think once there's four of them, it starts getting tricky, man.

I would probably die. Thinking about it now, I think I'd probably struggle with the first one, but kill him. And then the second one, I'd be gassed already. And then by the time he's got me on the floor, the other 12-year-olds joining in, and then you're double-two. Me against five-year-old. I don't think I could kill the first 12-year-old. like I just wouldn't be able to like actually do it

that's gross of you Dan yeah I don't think I could kill a 12 year old I think that would come out I think I'd rather lose my life and have the 12 year old to live on yeah he's got so much to live for damn I've got a little fun little game

as you get to know the three of us seven questions to ask your friends let's let's let me play and then Dan you and I can do these questions um like tomorrow so we're just focusing on Meg So I'll answer as well But I think

Meg, you just have to see If we were right or not Do you think that's mould? Yeah Are you eating it? Yeah, I just did go on Okay Okay, first question

If Meg showed up On our doorstep unannounced What do you think it would be That she wants? I'd probably just stay in the room Dan! That's not the question Meg's at the door, she sees you walking down the hall

She knocked and knocked and knock And you think, what the hell does Meg want? It's 9 p.m at night. I'd go, Hannah. Guys finally left her. We knew the day would come. What would Meg want? A swim.

She'd probably want to swim at your place. It would be really hot and she shied up and she's like, can we have his phone? I don't want she'd want if she came to. Probably like just to hang out, I think, if she'd come to my house. There's nothing in it for her at my place, really. It'd probably just be wanted to hang out with your kid. Yeah. Yeah, but I'd say George's...

I'd sort of ignore the door. I'd go, just be tamero. Dad, I can see your car. What if she was there and she said, hey, I'm just. I'm just here to see if I can steal something from your fridial pantry. What do we think it would be? Like she's making something or she needs something. You know how people come over to borrow sugar?

If it was a grocery item, what do we think the item could be? A long way to drive. Chicken stock or something or veggie stock. It'd be some sort of stock that she's making soups. Come on, mate, no. Meg would be coming over to borrow vanilla essence. She'd be baking. Yeah, yeah, I bake.

Minasron, like some sort of like little pasta. like, like, I'm an Australian if we lost Meg in the supermarket where's the first place that you would look to find it?

Oh, that's a good question. That's a good question. I think she'd be in the chips. Near the chips. No. I know where I'm exactly. Confectory.

No, you guys don't know me at all. I'm going to say, I would be at the chutneys. Oh, yes. I love a chuttony. I love it. That would be the second. When she wasn't in the chocolate,

I would have been like, of course you would be like, She's with the chutneys. I'm full chutney energy. Yes, I do. Damn it. I'm so, dude. I'm so angry.

Pissed off with myself. Yeah, right. Yeah, don't piss yourself. If you get them wrong. They're not that deep. If Meg had a warning label, what would it say? Oh, this is, I don't know. A lot of chutney.

Don't poke. Let me get my skin. Don't talk shit about my children. That's probably a... That'd get her going. That does get me. Don't make me... Don't make me stay in a meeting for longer than 20 minutes.

It's just going round and round, get me the fuck out of there. Okay, what's a tiny deal about Meg you notice right away, but you'd never tell her. I don't know. What do you mean? What's a tiny deal? No, no, no, no, no, I don't want to know. Tiny detail.

I don't know. I don't want to know. I don't want to know. I did tell her. I saw she had cake on her here during the show today. I've said it to her as well. There's nothing we haven't said to each other. It would be that just be careful when you eat about dropping stuff on your time.

It's quite hard. I reckon if you guys had tits as big as mine, they're like shelves. So anything that drops down. That's true. I've never thought of that. That's why it always lands on your shirt and not on ours. If we drop anything, it just falls to the foot. I've got a full, like, out platform, and it's like a table, and it just picks things up.

I've got a photo in my phone from about 13 years ago of Meg when she was at the edge, and she used to actually wear a tea towel when she ate lunch, and it just draped. I'll find it back. Bring it back. I don't get a lot of. stuff on my shirt, but I'm always dropping shit on my pants. That's because you don't have tits. If you were tits, you would have stuff on your shirt.

Oh my God, Clint. That's his boobies, that part of his body. That's the bit that sticks out further than anywhere else. Yeah, actually, if you haven't seen Go to our Edge Breakfast page, you'll see a video of Clint's penis. If you've ever thought that I was exaggerating, or Dan and I, like, it's just a weird gag that Clint has a big dick. You just can look at the Mime Challenge video and you'll see it.

No, it's just when you're thrusting. That's going to set it right up now. It's been tanking. And the views. Yeah, that's what I mean. Oh, well. If we could steal one thing from Meg, what would we take? Oh, that's good.

That should be, oh, that's painful. That's not easy. That's mean. Can I pass? That's mean. No, I wouldn't steal that kid. Because you'd steal probably Miller. Yeah, she's fucking cute.

Yeah, I don't need a three-year-old right now. Four. She's four. Sorry. We're just best maimates. It's all good. She's nearly five, actually. What would you take?

Like for anything from her house? Well, I guess you can If we can steal one thing from her I have stuff I've got lots of stuff that is Stuff you've got I've got Dan you could try and steal my paycheck That'd be good for you

Yeah but I don't know where that is In your house Why don't you try to take that If I knew where that was Meg I'd be coming for it It's so good Okay next Right

Okay What's a random memorandum of Meg that you sometimes still think about. I remember, I know exactly what this is. When I first, my first memory of Meg was, and I worked at the Rock. And I walked past the edge, and she'd just started on the day show, and she was filming herself, like, walking, and she was, the fucking angle she had it on Clint. She couldn't have had it at a higher angle.

It was like someone was filming it from the Sky Tower looking down. She had it so high, and she was doing this thing, and I clocked her while she was doing it, and she saw me see her doing it, and she was mortified. I remember it. You probably don't remember. I don't remember that. I don't remember you. Ever since then until I worked on the show, that was kind of the thing I'd be like, there she is.

Mine's a super, super recent one that just comes to mine now. Every time I'm going to see someone dapp, I'm going to think of Meg trying to, like, run underneath it. Dan did a dat with Chris from 660, and Meg went to dip underneath, but not realizing that the boys were actually going to bring it in. As they bring in, they just kind of crush their genitals into her face. So she was like the sandwich between Chris Mac and my penises?

Like each air to wear like airmuffs. Like dick your masts. Meag was wearing dick airmuffs. Oh, it was so funny. Every time I feel sad, I'm just going to think of Meg wearing Chris Mac from 660 and Dan Weebbe's dick earmuffs. All she heard was, I've got to see a clip. Chris Pack, it's really good to hear that.

Because we've heard our dick's going against towards us. All right. What a vision. All right, time for guest apart? No. No. Just a Friday thing then. Okay, all right, well that'll do us.

We look forward to this podcast improving. We all do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The only one, I think it was supposed to be more structured. I think that was the most unstructured one we've ever done. Brilliant. All right, catch you tomorrow. Bye.

Bye.