The Edge Breakfast - ONLYFANS what Dan would rather but in his bum

Episode Date: October 1, 2025

This is a podcast from Rover. Come for the chat, stay for the trauma bonding. This is Clint McGinn-Dand-Dan's Only Fans. Podcast, that is. Hey, everyone, welcome to The OnlyFerns podcast with myself, Dan, and Ash, London. Might be a bit quick today because we've got a busy morning. We've got to get off to the airport to go down to Christchurch. My goodness me.

What are you guys' thoughts on clapping when the plane lands? Absolutely not. Don't mind if Pips is rock, though, where loser has to. I was just about to ask that, Clint. because you know what I think it is a love it happens in America I've been on internal flights in America and it happens every time the pilot lands

Yeah but the pilot probably can't even hear it through like the doors into the cockpit anyway But you're also clapping the flight crew The stewardesses Yeah that is they do work hard But we all have jobs I don't get clapped every day for doing a job Yeah I used to do theatre quite a bit

And I remember like no other job You get clapped at the end of it Isn't that a joyous thing When you fucking theatre people End up getting your clap you go out and then you like don't bring the lights back up so we've got to keep clapping keep clapping and then you come out a second time

for an encore bow and then another one then you go back and you all hold hands and then come up again then bow then you pretend to walk away you guys are firsting and you point at the orchestra yeah point at the orchestra well they need to clap even though they're not the stars of the show but you know you give them a clap

down the pit I always think it's a bit mean to put the orchestra in a pit also is it just me who every time I here when someone says we're going down here we're going up here sort of have their like cringe because when you're in radio they teach you certain things to do and not to do you always talk to one you don't talk to everyone whatever

and when you say down to cross church everyone south of cross church feels alienated because for them it's up to cross church so it reminds you that you fucking Auckland is and you live up in the North Island I'm not an Aucklander yeah I'm a Melbourneian yeah so I'm like you know we're like are we going to cross church we're going down to cross church and we're going up to it alienates people

depending on where they live in the country. We all everywhere in New Zealand's down to you, isn't it? Everyone does it, though. When I was doing a national night show in Australia, we couldn't even mention where we were. I would never be like in Sydney. You had to make everyone believe that you were in their local town. And we had people in like little towns

that assumed I just lived somewhere in the town. Really? Yeah, like little like Sheperden. They're like, oh, I always thought you lived in Shep. Because they'd see me, be like, oh, you're Ashlander, yeah, I love you. I thought you're in Shep. Yeah. What are you doing in Sydney?

Oh, are you sure they weren't saying I thought you were shit? Maybe they were. You know what? Maybe there's all these years I thought that they were saying shit. I thought you were shit. I thought you were shit.

What an ass I was. Hada Labo. Is that yours? What's that? That's a great brand. Is this good because I just rubbed it all over my face. Did you just rubbed it all over your face? It's a Japanese brand and it's really good for hydration.

They're the best at hydration. Good, well I'll keep using. Like hyaloronic acid, things like that. All right. And the interests of keeping. keeping this quick, I've got a text I can read out and we can end on the text. It better be the audio of George.

No, no, no, no. Could we play that a bit too? Okay, well, we'll play that quickly. Also, I feel like the reference to rubbing two dudes on your face which just feels like random, rude for no reason. No, that's the name of our men's moisturiser brand and Dan and I both use it, but I think they dropped the ball with the name, but anyway, whatever.

Thanks for clarifying that clip. Well, here's some audio of my son laughing. It's the best audio you ever hear today. Oh, no, that's not it. Oh, fuck, here we go. What's more punishing than your friend showing you photos of their kid? It's scrolling to a video at the wrong part. Oh, that is cute.

Oh, my darling. That's my wife. Oh, my angel. Yeah, that was Hannah chasing him around this morning. And he's carrying the phone on selfie mode. It's so fucking cute. I can fully understand it. I'd be having the time my life of Hannah was chasing me around the house like that too.

Okay, here's the text. So we had a call earlier today of a lady. She was a nurse that found us, pumpkin up someone's bottom. It was a butternut one, one of those. It's almost like an hourglass type shape. Yeah, it sort of looks like a bell, I guess. The shape of a bell. Well,

someone texts through with another thing. They're another nurse, separate nurse. They want to remain anonymous, but I'm going to read out their text. I work in theatre. So I'm not thinking it's the theatre we were talking about just before. It's like theatre as in, like, operating theatre.

Yeah, are you guys always showing? and stuff up your annos in theatre? Like backstage? I'd be surprised there's quite a lot of theatre people doing this. I wonder if that prop would fit. Yeah. Is that what the props guys are doing? But the person in question, this girl that used to work in an operating theatre.

Oh, right. She once had to remove, get this. A glass Craig's jam jar out of someone's bottom. I need to Google that. So it's just like, you know your jam. You'd get it in Australia, a raspberry jam. Yeah, but I don't even know how big that jar is, Because who's looking at that jar going, I wonder if that would work.

Well, that was the thing. Who's going, fuck, I need to shove something out my ass. Oh, I'm really, you know, Randy for it. Who's reaching for it? Like, how desperate are you where you haven't found anything? Like, I can look around the room now and I can find at least three things I'd rather shove up my house. Go, go, go. Prove it.

Do it. Prove it. A pen. My comb? That comb. Oh, no, fuck, no. That's one of the largest combs I've ever seen. That pen.

Sean Hill's Mike sock. And Oh, that Tube of vitamins There we go That didn't fit nice there In all seriousness Who's going jam

Put that right up there That's a thing We don't want to yuck people's yum But in that sense It's like Shave things up your bum if you want to But like not a jam Not a glass jam jar

This is the rare case where you can yuck yum Don't put a jam jar up your bottom I think most doctors would say that Especially because you can go to a shop and buy like 400 different things that are made to put up your big put up in Yeah, like if you're that into it, find something. Bridges and Epe's got his hand up, I hope he hasn't got a story about what he. No, nothing in my bum, but one time we were doing a promo called Look What the Cat Dragged in

where Dan had to bring like a bag of items up to different houses. I had to go and buy the things from the supermarket and one of the days was a cucumber, a box of condoms, some lube and a wine bottle. And the person at the checkout gave me the dirtiest look I have ever received in my life. That's fair enough. That's a suit. That's an ideal Saturday night for a theatre person. A big Saturday, yeah.

Yeah. Well, did the glass break? No, they said they got it out intact, fully intact. They did a very major surgery. That'd be so hard to do. Imagine when you get to the place and they go, yep, sorry, there's a bit of a weight of the moment. So just take a seat. You're like, can't do that.

Like, you'd have to tell them what was wrong. Yeah, when you'd get triaged. Yeah, like you'd have to go emergency, right? Yes. Here's a question for you, Clint. Have you were going to do that? Would you leave the jam in there or empty it out? It depends which way they put it in.

If they put it lid first You wouldn't put it lid first No way But it's small at the top And it gets bigger So you need to start smaller Then easily you go Lid last

So you can get it And you can get purchase on it When you want to get it out But that's what they did wrong Maybe Maybe they went lid first Never go lid first Because there's one twist

And you've lost the lid inside you So you always go lid Stick it out You know Like if I was going to put this Moistouriser I'd go that way Because you'd always have the lid

At the end Yeah to grip onto I mean Better living everyone We are all sharing an Airbnb tonight So I'm going to need everyone Hands where I can see them Yeah

And I'm going to need a butternut Pump come come on the way We're like damn we've already had dinner We arrive in the Uber Eats Ding dong Did someone order a single butternut pubkin And a giant Yeah me running downstairs

Yeah for business Research purposes Yeah anyway We'll end on that hey Love you guys All right Out of here Catch you tomorrow

Hopefully live on the show Rover Music, Radio, podcasts.