The Edge Breakfast - ONLYFANS What do a Haast Eagle & Dan's plumber have in common?

Episode Date: July 15, 2025

This podcast lol.

This is a podcast from Rover. Not your mum's podcast, unless she's into absolute filth. In which case, respect. This is Clint, Meg and Dan's OnlyFans. Podcast that is. Kia ora, welcome to the OnlyFans with myself and Dan. Meg's on Matt Leve and Ash Linden was on the show hanging out with us but took off early because she's still not feeling great.

So we're sort of trying to limit how long we keep her at work so that we can keep her on here. Yes, and I think it's best, you know, you know, you need to go away and heal. Otherwise you'll just never will. I don't think you get right, like nothing makes you come right faster than sleep. Yes, no, that's what they say,

sleep and water and fluids, like liquids. I know you can get all the different drugs and stuff that's meant to help you come right and whatever and the those disgusting vitamin C sachets yeah it actually is just the more sleep you get and obviously when you get up at 4, 4.30 in the morning I don't think it's conducive to a healthy body or repairing yourself after sickness. Yeah. Dan and I actually picking up some work that Meg would normally do a little behind the scenes of what's been going on because the the job doesn't stop at 10 like we pretend it does.

Oh God, no, no. In fact this is, it gets busier. Do you know I left yesterday at 1pm. 1pm? Oh Clint's doing this, can we talk about what you do? What was that? You're mentoring. Oh yeah yeah yeah. Clint mentors young people. Oh just a young person.

One on one. They jacked the jackpot when they got UA. Because we've got this program here at MediaWorks where there's people around the company and they can, like if they're new entrants to the company they can get mentors with old salty battlers that have been here for a while. And Clint's one of those old salty battlers that has imparting wisdom. But I'd say that, because this guy is on air as well, he's like a regional guy, we won't say who he is. But I mean, you would hope that you'd be getting Clint Randall over some person that works in accounts or something.

I'd like to think they'd try and pair you up, because I did wonder that, with someone who's in a similar industry that you're in, so that you can kind of speak into what it is that they do and hopefully they can learn from your mistakes. The things that you did that didn't work you can be like, hey well this doesn't work I know it doesn't but then just because it didn't work for you doesn't mean it won't work for them. But I also had somebody who was quite pivotal in me moving to my FM initially and then moving from my FM to the edge and I've never been able to repay that favor to him. So I was like, maybe I can repay that favor to someone else.

So that, you know, someone might go, oh, there's a few people in my career actually that I look quite fondly on going, if that person hadn't sent me that email telling me about the job, or if that person hadn't gone into bat for me in that situation at that moment, then you go, hmm, I wonder where I am right now.

Yeah, true. So it's just a cool program that allows you to kind of give back. And also I think when you're encouraging somebody else, it spurs you on as well a bit. Because you're getting excited for them and what you do and talking about old stories. And yeah, it's like a win-win for everyone.

But Dan is doing Meg's work at the moment, which is writing the prompt for our erotic fiction. We used to do like every week and then we rested it for a while because I think we got too hot and steamy. Dan and I got too good at it. I think I started falling in love with Clint after some of his. Yeah. And we thought we'd bring it back because Ash London is an erotic author. Or she's written a story and I think there are sexy scenes in it. I don't think she's that she's not to the point where she'll be like,

and he's stuck his penis and she doesn't go that far, but she's one of those ones that glances around it, you know, she'll be like, yeah, right. She felt the feeling like tingling sensations in her. Undercarriage. Undercarriage. I should be better. Yes, I wonder where you were going. But Steve, right there, Dan and I, we finished each other's sentences so we thought we'll try and see if the power of two men is sexier than a woman. Yeah, the power of one woman.

Yeah, so that's what we're gonna do, we're putting our heads together. Me and Dan v Ash London. A docking situation of sorts. Yes. And Clint and I are going to use both our brains to try and beat Ash's brain. She was very good at it, but I will say she didn't have any like, like those, I don't know, just those genius lines that you don't hear like we had when, you know, last week the co-workers were drawn together like two sexy magnets. I mean that you can't write that sort of stuff but we did. We did. So here's the prompt with this you get an

exclusive peek into what the prompt is that Ash will be writing today and we will be writing. And then we will have on air tomorrow sometime between 7 & 8 can't really do it after 8 because it's too sexy. It's normally like a seven, fifteen type thing. Okay, so it starts like this. Disaster. Oh, hold on, let me give you something sexy, because I don't, you know, just to help you out. Um, okay.

Disaster. Water gushing everywhere. The kitchen pipe had burst, and I had no idea how to fix it. I had to act fast, so I picked up the yellow pages and dialed the first plumber I could find. Minutes later, there was a knock at the door. And that's where we take over. We take over.

Now, Clint and I haven't started writing ours. Should we have a little bit of a brainstorm now? We could. So she uses the yellow pages tool. So is she quite old? No, let's go. Or he. I actually, you haven't given them a sex. I haven't so I think when I wrote this I didn't think that the Yellow Pages wasn't a thing anymore. If you don't know what the Yellow Pages are it was like a big phone it was a phone book wasn't it? Yeah but with businesses and um I think it's does it still exist? I think there's a company called Yellow which was the company that uh used to produce the Yellow pages pages dot-code is it has to be a website

They would have had to have pivoted and I think it's just called yellow dot-code in Z now Oh, yeah, because it's bringing up an era, but anyway You used to obviously have a directory of all the numbers now you can just find it online obviously, but yeah, so The plumber comes over and that's where the sexual story starts. Here's where I reckon what we do Dan. Now I think Ash is going to end up being really... Is it misogynistic? Stereotypical. Yeah, maybe that's better. I think she's going to think that she's going to write the plumber as a guy.

Of course she will. And then if we write it as a girl, then we can... girls can be plumbers too Ash. So we're already... we're on a different level already from the get go, and she's a hot female plumber. And the thing is- With lots of builders crack. Yeah, you know what? She does have builders crack.

Cause I knew she would. Cause one time I had a plumber over to my house, and he, it was a guy plumber, and he had crack. I saw his crack, but it was so far down. I almost thought it was fucking anus. Honestly, he may as well have taken his pants off, genuinely. It was to the point where I had to go upstairs and tell Hannah to come down and have a look. I feel like I've cheated, you need to look as well as I have even.

You have to have a look at this, like you can't write this sort of stuff. So let's do that but in female form. Okay, yeah. I reckon she's got to have a tramp stamp I think. She's a woman tradie she's gonna have some sort of tramp stamp. But I think let's give her. Yeah some sort of like maybe like even a hip or a hip like bone tattoo. Yeah. Oh hold on. Yeah what? I don't want to I don't want to give it away. Push this to the side. Oh, you got something more pressing? No, something's just come through on the text machine.

Hi, I've been trying to get Dan's attention but failing. Dan, I have a proposal you may be interested in. Not sure if you'd still want to hang out like you said when we spoke. Me? Call me again. Dave? When did you want to hang out with Dave? I don't know. I don't remember.

You said you did when you spoke. Did I? Well, it seems that. Not sure if you would still want to hang out, like you said, when we spoke. When did we speak? It feels like a... Can we text back without calling?

Yeah? Maybe text back and go, hey producers, yeah, that sounds interesting. When did Dan say he was going to do that? Yeah, and then hopefully we're still recording the podcast. We'll get an update. But what you don't want to do is encourage crazy. No.

So we don't know, producer Carl. Sorry, just quickly. So you want to go back to him and say what? Be like, we're intrigued. Hey producers, we are intrigued. What's Dan been up to? When were you guys gonna hang out? Okay, okay.

And what's the proposal? Mm. So I am on it. Yeah, it's kinda like when I get a call from an unknown number and I hand it to my wife. Then she acts all like dumb, like, oh, hold on, I don't know where he is, but what's this about?

And then as Jay finds out what it's about, she says out loud what it's about. Oh, so it's about the donation to blah blah blah. And then I go to Jake, quick, give that to me. I wanna give money to that. I'll put piss off. He does the like cut the throat thing. Oh.

Hang up on them. Hang up on them. So I think we've sorted out the Smutty Story thing. I think we're, we're already done. We've got a G banger and a tramp stamp and build is cracking. Hallelujah. Better big, better boom.

Yeah, did she even fix the pipe? Yeah, I think that's gonna be, she's gonna work on some pipes, but it won't be the one that in question. So by the time she leaves, the house is flooded, but the guy's like, oh my God, that was great. She stops some gushing, but starts some more. Oh God.

Okay, that's where we finish. So we gotta think about what Ash will do, and rather than play her in her own game, because she's quite good at it We need to like Go almost like the complete opposite. So it's very hard to compare the writing because they're so different You know, I think we will get it sexy this time. That's our promise to you You will you will listen to it and go my goodness me the boys have really leveled up there

Especially from where they started. Before we finish up, Clint, I've just got some questions that I wanna ask you, and I think we should do this with Ash as well. Our producer, Carl, sent them through to us yesterday, and they're five funny questions to ask your girlfriend. Now, I think you know just as much about me as my wife does, and vice versa.

So I'm just gonna ask you some of these questions and you answer. Okay. Okay first question If I suddenly lost my memory, how would you convince me that we're? On a radio show together like that. We've that I know you. Yeah, how would you convince me that we're good friends? hmm If I saw I've lost my memory So I I'm I think I'd guess that I have any.

I think I'd have to tell you a very intimate, intimate story that you had shared with me, that you'd be like, holy out, like what, if, like an off the air story. Like, and you would be like, jeez, okay, we must be mates, because I don't go around telling everybody that. Yeah.

I'm just like, which one would I give? You give so many crazy stories, like that I'm like, there's no way you're making that up for it you're just being funny off here. Okay, there's a good one. Do you want me to bring up some of the ones that I could go with or not really? I think probably just leave it at that. Okay. If I woke up, if you woke up in my body for a day, what would you do first? If I woke up in your body. Yeah, so you wake up, but you're in my body, God forbid.

What would you do first? I'd probably take it to the gym. Fucking hell! Ha ha ha! See what I could max bench? Ha ha ha! Imagine I drop a 40 kilo bar on my chest. What's going on?

I'm still warming up. It's like taking a Hyundai i30 to a racing track. And hopefully I'll wake up in your body and I'll take you to the gym. Then I'd take lots of photos of my private areas and I'd email them to Clint Randall at MediaWorks. Why do you want that? So that just so I can use it as blackmail. So if you ever do, once we swap back, if you do anything naughty, I go, well I'll release these photos you sent me.

Well I wouldn't want them being released so I'd do anything. Here's your next question. If you had to bet on one thing I'd never do, what would it be? Please a woman. Next one. No, one thing if I had to bet on, that'd be easy, beat Isra'u Arasana in a fight. Okay well. It was easy money even though you reckon with three days at altitude Three weeks at altitude. Weeks sorry you'd beat him. Three weeks at altitude training I'd be able to beat him anyone could. Well I'd make sure you didn't have any altitude training

before you got in the ring. That one's boring. What animal best describes my personality? Porcupine. Brilliant. And there we go. So there's the podcast for the week. Kind of a little intimidating to get close,

but it does look like it would be Fun2Pat. Fucking hell. Fun2Pat. So hold on, you want photos of my penis and now you're saying I look fun to pet. Okay. But there's a lot going on. You're quite interesting. You're quite intricate. You don't see a lot of porcupines, do you?

I've never even seen one of the first. You're quite unique. You're quite rare. There's one at the zoo and it's never there. It's always in its little cage within the enclosure. Oh, really? So it pisses me off. I actually started to believe they don't have a porcupine.

Because I saw the kiwi the other day. I thought that about the kiwi. I was like, there's this massive enclosure. It's pitch black dark. I'm like, they could just say there's a kiwi in there and there's not. I saw it the other day. Yeah, Dan was like, there is a kiwi.

I was like, no, there's two of them. And he was like, no. I only saw one. I think there's only one. I've seen two at opposite ends. He's not running around and getting to the end before I get there to pretend he's another one. Yeah. My wife and I once went to the zoo, maybe like this would have been about a year and a half ago.

And we were in the kiwi enclosure, it was the middle of the day. But there were two kiwis and they were out and they were walking around and they started walking up to each other. And we were like, oh my god, this is crazy. And then they started having this massive fight, like fullypping like in the corner of the thing and they were bashing up against The glass and like that like the bigs were like lightsabers It was so cool. Is this in the cage or the keepers had let them out of the cage? No, this is like, you know, there's a big glass enclosure. It's like this. Yeah It was right up against the glass and then this massive crowd came around. It was like it was like a UFC Yeah, it was right up against the glass and then this massive crowd came around

It was like it was like a like a sea fight. It was so cool. I must say they are renowned for fighting I've said there's multiple videos on YouTube of them like full attacking each other. So that's why they're all died out because they're all killing each other Yeah, that's definitely it. It's not because all the humans ate them. It's definitely the fighting. Apparently they're horrible to eat. Oh, they are. Yeah, they're useless in a pie and so tough. You could cook them for hours. The place that I think would serve them is that place in Queenstown.

You know where it serves, you know how there's like 12, it's like a 12 course digger station and they serve like the craziest shit? That'd be the type of place you could have kiwi I reckon. We did it when I used to work at another radio station that's not this one that runs with the schmock. And we once did an April Fool's gag on there where we were like... We did it when I used to work at another radio station that's not this one that runs with the schmock and We once did a April Fool's gag on there. We were like Gonna try Kiwi and we did this thing where we brought Kiwi and we were eating it and stuff And obviously it was a gag but oh got the it got the the PC gone mad people worked up All the Wokey Pokeys were did you say died of natural causes and all that sort of stuff?

I don't remember what we said. I think we said that it was like yeah All the Wokey Pokeys were... Did you say it died of natural causes and all that sort of stuff to help make them bleed? I think we said that it was like... You were in a quarter. Yeah. It was like a thing where we were like, we're the first people to try it or something. But anyway, yeah, that went down like a cup of cold sick. Especially when you start using the beak as a toothpick. Jesus, Carl.

He was probably the producer at the time. It was probably his idea. It's not a surprise they're in danger. It's a fucking bird that can't fly. You never see them. You never see them. Imagine like that. That wouldn't be like having a dolphin that can't swim. They're just drowning all the time when they go out too deep.

Yeah. It's like. I know. It's like, why would you do that? Have you seen the articles online about they're trying to, there's this company in California and they're like de-extincting animals. So they've already done like the Beowulf,

they're gonna do a mower next. So by 2006 they wanna have de-extincted a mower. Why, because they'll have like the DNA or whatever saved somewhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually I'll try and track down the guy and see if we can have it checked because it'd be fascinating to have.

Yeah, but I've seen stuff like this happen. There's always stories about them trying to bring back something, but it never happens. They want to do the mammoth and the dodo as well. They've been saying they're going to do the mammoth for years. For like 20 years. I've never seen one mammoth. I'll try and get the guy on.

I already can be fascinating. Yeah, that's really like Jurassic Park shit. Yeah. But like that's where that idea came from. Like Jurassic Park is based on fact. Like they can actually do that, technically. Yeah, so the first Dire Wolves are like six months old now. They're born, they've got Dire Wolf DNA,

so they've started doing it already. Oh, I'm, I'm gonna fuck that, like bring back some like old kings or like Caesar or someone like that, you know? You can't bring back a particular person. Nah, yeah, figure it out. Just in your undersole, just let them out. Here's Toot and Carmoon. Sabre-toothed tigers. I don't really back a particular person. Nah, yeah, figure it out. Just in the Andes soul, just let him out. Sabre-toothed tigers.

I don't really want them running around. Imagine that if you brought back someone from years and you're like Toot and Carmoon, you're like, here it's 2025. Yeah, and just make a reality TV show out of them. No, Ben still already made that movie, I think. Night of the Museum. I think he did that one. Yeah, but that wasn't a documentary.

No. I did see on Instagram they were like elephants supposedly used to like walk around and I can't remember, I don't know if they call it, they don't call it those like giant herds or whatever they call it and they'll walk around in like herds up to like 150 to 300 elephants just like like a gang. And they were saying that they've repopulated the elephant population in Africa, and it's doing so well, now they've gotten rid of a whole lot of poaching and stuff like that,

that they're now being seen in mass herds like they used to decades ago. I'm pretty sure that's what they wanna do with the mammoths as well. So they wanna bring them back to the Arctic tundra so that they can start repopulating and regrowing trees and like trampling all the ice and snow down. It's crazy.

Man moths. Man moths. Man moths. Yep. That's exactly what I was meaning there. Surely. Half man, half moth. Surely though, the world, I mean, it's sort of having like,

this one kills this one. So then this species now is like surviving and doing really well and thriving because there are no mammoths we bring the mammoths back and then all of a sudden there's another animal It's like oh fuck, you know and then they all die now They're extinct because you know we're interfering well You say that but humans are actually part of the reason a lot of these things are extinct like mowa They were hunted and eaten to extinction You know when they'll really fuck up

is when they bring back the Haast Eagle and they start nicking toddlers and stuff? Yeah, because they can carry like 30 kilos or something. Imagine that, there's just Haast Eagles flying around and people just getting picked off willy-nilly. I think we need that in a way. In the news headlines, eh? Another three South Aucklanders

were picked up by Haast Eagles yesterday. Yeah, just like soaring over. And dropped in West Auckland. Lincoln Road. Yeah. Bring back the Haast Eagle. Anyway. I reckon that'll be, you know when we all voted on the flag, you know, we all vote on which thing to bring back and New Zealand could just be known as that. The Haast Eagle. Just every now and then three or four people die. Just checking we've covered off smut, plumbing, Haast Eaglesagles, kiwi, de-extinction. De-extinction, we've done a lot here. Your new mate Dave, did he get back to you about why he wants to hang out with Dan?

Nah, he hasn't. I text him, do you want it? He's one of those annoying people that does this thing. Hey man, can I ask you a question? It's like, fuck you just did mate. You could have actually asked me what it was instead of like being all elusive and then now I'm all like anxious about what it is You want and who you are let's save his number Hopefully by the time we do the only fans tomorrow he's got back to you Otherwise, we'll call him tomorrow on the only fans We'll probably forget about that. Perfect. Okay. Okay. Okay. Yes Anyway, all right. Oh, well, this is being fun. It'll be interesting to work out what you title this podcast is. Mm-hmm

plenty to choose from Okay, right has been fun. That'll be interesting to work out what your title of this podcast is. Mm. Plenty to Choose From. Okay. Right, I got it. Okay. It's not going to be called Plenty to Choose From. No, that's exactly what it's going to be called. Okey dokey. There you go.

Here's the clips you've done the work for. What do Harst Eagles and Dan's Plumbers butthole have in common? Very little. This podcast. Even better. Very little. Okay. See you guys. Rova.

Music. Radio. Podcasts.