The Edge Breakfast - ONLYFANS when weddings go bad

Episode Date: November 23, 2025

This is a podcast from Rover. Buckle up, lower your standards, and prepare to question everything. This is Clint Megan Dan's OnlyFans. Podcast, that is. Hi old day, everyone. Welcome along to The Only Fans with Clint Ann and Ash London. A few are new to listen to this podcast. We've just stumbled across it.

We do a radio show. But this is not our show recap podcast. This one sits alongside it. It's a little bit like the things you want to be able to say on radio, but you can't because we're governed by all these sorts of broadcasting standards. Yeah, we go ahead. I don't know about you guys. I just go home and remember all the things I said

and think, oh, that person doesn't listen. Yes, I don't. Yeah, and I regret everything I say usually on this podcast. Should we dedicate this one to Emmeline? M-E-L-E-L-L-L-L-I-N-E-Godfrey. Spellet, Dahl it, Dahl. M-E-M-A-N-E, L-I-N-E, E-L-L-L-I-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-E, so I said it right. Eventually.

Inberline, Godfrey. Just trying to help you out there. Thanks, Ash. What's her profile pick-off? It's her of her, and I'm assuming her partner, her husband, they're holding hands in a field. And then there's also another photo of her at the 1975, so she's got good taste of music.

So, Emily, you know what, we love you, and you're a top contributor to the podcast fam? Awkward if they've been dating for ages, and he still hasn't asked her to marry. Maybe she doesn't want to get married. Yeah, no, but it's a sore point, and then you're just assuming it's her husband, and now that's making it worse.

Oh, yeah. You know what, though? Looking at her pick, I can't zoom in on it annoyingly, but they look too young to be married I think they're in the early stages of a life together How young is too young to be married I reckon they're in their mid to early 20s Yeah don't be getting married then

Yeah that was That is early But they do look like it's a lovely photo She's in a yellow dress He's in a white shirt How old were you guys when you got married? I was 30 I've been married for 34

I've been married for four years now And I'm 37 this year Okay it's 33 No, I'm 37 I am 37 now I forget how old I am Okay, but you're in your early 30s When did you get married, Ash?

Let's see, I'm 39, and I've been married I reckon I was 31, 32 Oh, we got married a similar age Have you got a little bubble in your third off? Yeah, I go, oh look, I've got it I haven't swallowed Clint Yeah, keep it I'm trying to, no, it's gone now

Oh, yeah, 31 or 32 Which felt we were young at the time I was 23 That's young Well, I was a couple of weeks off But that's, yeah, that's young. That's not even young in Christian circles. It was relatively late.

I was ancient because all my friends that I still have my Christian friends that came to a wedding, all of them married with kids. So the median marriage age for women at the moment in New Zealand is 30. Wow. And the median marriage age for men in New Zealand is 31. And that's gone up. So the average of New Zealand in 1971 for women was 20. and men 23.

So it's gone up over 10 years in the last 50 years. Thank God. We've been getting lives. The Chrysler thing is because the no sex before marriage, I mean, I'm stereotyping. It's not just that. It's also the fact that

like marriage is something to aspire to and something that's like, you know, like blessed by God and you want to, you know. You want to be able to like move in together and start your life. But the problem is you can't move in together because then it means you're sleeping together and then you all of a sudden it's like, oh.

So there's all these like rules and stuff. But then ironically, so then if you race into, a marriage because you want to start banging or whatever and you don't want to break the sin of sleeping together first, ironically you end up getting married really young and I think you're probably more prone to divorce, which is also bad and a sin and all the rest of it. I also don't know heaps of divorced Christians in there. I know some. A couple of my friends been on the same. Yeah, I wonder if you are more likely to divorce if you get married early,

or are you more likely to divorce later in life because maybe when you are young, you're growing together. I don't know. I don't know. The interesting thing is we were talking about divorce Now, the average length of a marriage in New Zealand, according to stats in New Zealand, for the 2023 census, is 14 years is the average length of a marriage in New Zealand. So obviously there's much longer ones and much shorter ones. That's me getting divorced and that. As you were divorced already. Yeah, you'd be divorced already, so.

We've been, we're 17 years next April. What are you going to do for your 20th? Yeah. That's insane. How many couples do you guys know personally that have, like, separated after? I've had a few. From my friendship circle, one divorce. Yeah.

Yes, that's from six of us. And then from the wider circle, my age, like pre-40, I'd say like four or five. There's something, and this is going to sound horrible. But the times that Hannah and I have had friends divorce, nothing juicier. Like Hannah at the moment, she'd be like, guess what? And I'll be like, who else is separating now? I know, I love hearing about, like, people's marriage is failing. Why?

I know, I know, it sounds like, no, it does say that actually, and I don't. Sometimes it's good, though, like, my friend divorced is a horrible person, and we were like, thank God, thank God they didn't have kids together, thank that she's got out, they can just have a clean break, and we never have to see them again. We sometimes pick who we think's going to be next, you know, or be like, oh my God, they're not going to work, they're not going to last. Like marriage or just, like, relationships. Sometimes relationships, quite often marriages as well. Have you been to a wedding and been like, I'm not going to last? Wow, he's not.

No. Once, once a hand. Can I? Yeah, tell it. No, go on. I can't. I can't think of my feet. I can't.

I can't think I feed enough. Yes, you can. Ash. I don't want to do it. You can change enough details. It's too late now. It's too late. You'd be on the show long enough that you can't go, I'm going to, no.

I know, but it's all depends. I was at a wedding once and the videographer I was the MC and the videographer A radio person being the MC of a wedding I can't believe it The videographer

in between all of the like so I had my MC microphone and taped to it he'd put a secondary mic so that he could catch everything that I was saying for his camera

and then in the between the on stage MC bits because the mics were attached to each other and you could kind of hold the mic, he was using my mic as like he'd pass it around to guests to get, like, Vox Pops. So he'd turn the MC mic off and then the other mic which was attached to it would be on. So people would hold the MC mic, but obviously nothing would be broadcast because the mic was off. And my friend, who is a musician, knows about AV. So when he was handed the microphone, he was like, oh, the microphone's off.

So he switched it on. and made the world's most inappropriate joke about the groom bride and groom into the MC mic which had then been turned on and it broadcast into the whole wedding and it was like you heard like How didn't he hear it as soon as he went So I, oh

I don't know Was he in a different room or something? I don't know And then he says it out loud and it's like boom and like you could hear cutleries and the bride just turned around in slow motion Like being this is never going to last Like that

I kind of remember what he said but it was just like there was a bad word in there it was like a funny thing to say to the table but not something you'd want broadcast to the whole room and he was like wanted to die I think you may have left the wedding early Dan you would have loved that I would have genuinely oh my god

if you were not involved at another table your dream my other favourite thing to do with Hannah my wife is bitch about how bad or good a wedding was like when we've been to a wedding and you go home you're like oh god didn't like the dress heaven interesting dress choice His speech was horrible. I was at a wedding once

and our friend's mom as the bride was walking down the aisle as soon as she passed us the mom who's very judgy turned around because we're all behind her and we're all like... Oh my God. It was so funny.

Always wait until the drive home before you start bitch. I've had so many good ones. I remember being at a wedding once and I was like they're going to release dubs this is going to be next level and we had like the matrix. They're going to release dubs.

There's going to be. be some sort of firework event. Is the releasing Doves no good? It's fine. But I was like, it's that kind of wedding. Yeah. As someone that released Doves, what kind of wedding is that? I don't want to say in case anyone he released Doves.

Yes. Who released Doves? Do you even need to ask the question? The fact that you know that he released Tubbs, don't you? I didn't know that. You didn't? I never would have made that one. I just wanted to help your asses.

right in the traffic going, we fucking released Dubsy bitch. He was a child. You can't judge him for decisions he made as He was a child. He was a chrizo. Yeah, but we were still living together and stuff, like, so money was tight. That was the quickest $250 I ever saw it disappeared into the sky. But they're not even dubs. They're white

pigeons. What's the difference? A dove and a pigeon. This is a big difference, but. Is it? Because they train the pigeons to fly home. Yeah, yeah. So they release them and they know that they'll be home when they get there. Can dubs not do that? And then dilding. And also dubs are like not a thing. You know, thing about when they take off dubs and

a sort of wedding as they fly west, it means that marriage isn't going to last and if they fly south at well. Fuck off, they just fly whichever way in their houselands. Do you know what else happened at this? At the the dove wedding, oh my God, it was one of the best moments of my life. We arrive at the ceremony

and, no, sorry, at the reception and the light steam and screen comes on and there was a full edited video of the ceremony that we just attended and like them having their photos taken to like music. Oh, you did go to the Randall's wedding.

You didn't, they didn't have that. But I was like, because of all these Asian ninjas, there was like seven videographers and photographers, and I was obsessed with them. And they like, as soon as they were ever got, I've edited a video to play at the reception. And I was like, why would you need it? Because you were like, we just saw it.

I know, that's why it was so funny. Because I was like, we saw it with their own eyes. You didn't say that way. I loved it. No, no, I was like, I was like, I couldn't get enough at this wedding. Good food too. Yeah, looking back, I'm like, what the hell were we up to? What the hell was I?

up to you know I once went to a wedding and I don't think they listened to it won't matter their first dance song was like and I don't even think they realized what the fuck they were doing but it was that song by heart all I want to do is make love to you so they started dancing it

all I want to do is make love to you no they did it 100% and you could see everybody in the room being like it's fucking weird and they were like dancing like slow dancing to the song like all I want to do is about having sex with someone I wanted to make a love to you

Wow Easy A first dance song Oh we didn't have a first dance At last by Beyonce Well Edda James Yeah but we had the Beyonce version Yeah Beyonce Yeah I actually don't have

Eater James And here we are In heaven Yeah For you are Selina's a good version of this too Oh, God, everything comes back to Celine. Yeah.

Beautiful. What would you change if you could change one thing about your wedding? Nothing, not one thing. Apart from maybe my uncle getting up and saying a speech that no one else for. But apart from that, no, nothing. I'd change my dress. I actually almost want, actually, that's what I'm going to do for my 20th anniversary. I'm going to do another wedding.

And I'm going to do it how I, like an adult would do it rather than a child. It wasn't my uncle. My mom was making a speech. And then she sort of started tearing up, which is fine. And then my uncle got up beside her and, like, went, calm down. And my mum went, go away. Good on her. And yeah, she was like, get out, I'm fine.

And that was the only thing that I was like, I wish he had never got up. Yeah. Yeah, it's like just let it be emotional. It is emotional. My mom, we had a two minute limit for all the speeches. And my mum got up then, I went like this, tap my rest. I said, I'm watching two minutes. Yeah.

Because I hate speeches at weddings. Because, like, most of them are shit. True. And they always go on too long. The ones where they go up and then they don't have a phone or a piece of paper because you're like you're fucking shooting from the cuff

you're doing it because you think oh it would be good to say something in front of all these people but you haven't actually sat down and taken the time in your own time to write something down because you really wanted to get it. You're just in the moment had like four beers and you're like oh I'll fucking say something. No, unacceptable.

And someone that thinks that a speech is a best man's speech like a best man's speech is a 21st speech. Different things. Don't say anything embarrassing. Yeah, don't drag the bride through the mud saying she slept with 20 guys before she met. Like, that's not the time. Where was it?

It was like my cousin's wedding and the group and he was on, he was on radio and his groomsman made a joke that was like talking about my cousin like getting around or something. And like Lebanese wedding, there was not even a pity laugh. It was just like, everyone was just like, knock. And then you've got those ones where like, say, Jen. years are getting like married and they're getting married really young and then they'll think this thing that they're doing is really new but it's so old everyone doesn't do it anymore and it's like hey guys so i've got to get the keys back from everyone who's like ever had a key to the the bride or the groom's house or whatever and then like everyone who's being already given

keys have you seen that and they all get up and then grandma and then grandma and i got grandma to give one back yeah what's the idea the idea is if you hand it out your house So I did, like, the groom, Michael is, if everybody that's ever slept with Michael, Michael bring up the key that they had to his house. And so, girl, you'd just hand some keys around to, like, random girls. And it's a gag at the end, you'd give it to, like, one of the grandmas and be like, you come up last, and then it's a bit of a laugh at the end. Have you not seen it?

It's like being around for so long that now it probably doesn't get done anymore, but then you go to those young weddings and they obviously think they've found some new trick. The funny thing is I did that at a gag at a wedding, and I gave the grandma my house key to get home. and it was the house key to our house. Hannah and I then drove home from the wedding all the way home and realized that the grandma still had the house care. It's like an idiot.

If I'd fucking kill you. Yeah, she was so angry. At Lebanese weddings, we have, like, drummers. Have you seen that Lebanese drumming at a wedding? No. Oh. You know your mind-blown. It's the funnest thing in the whole world.

I've never heard of Lebanese drumming. If you're Lebanese, why'd you marry a dude? Lesbian joke. How? You get shot for that in Lebanon. He wouldn't really A lot of Lebanese Wedding

So people have these Like fully Amazing Like This is footage for Vashers wedding by the way I did have this at my wedding Wow that looks cool already I keep waiting for a snake to come out of the basket

Sounds like that kind of vibe This is very dramatic this one It's almost like the Indian vibe, right? Okay, now it's changing up. Holy shit, that's so cool. There's like 15 dudes standing around with a drum and like a drumstick and they dance.

And then this is how the bride and the groom walk in. I'll fast forward a little bit. Do they carry her on a chair? Or is that I've got a different culture? Sometimes you get her. And they've got dancers as well. They're rich, obviously. Damn, now that's a dress. Smoke machine.

Oh, yeah. Fireware. Yep. Jesus. Holy hell, that's the wedding you want to get invited to. You look gorgeous, Ash. Thank you. Holy.

And then they do a dance together. Adrian's grown his hair up, since. And then I'll use sort of like separate. Yeah, it's like so sick. And then the whole family get involved. They do the dump key. It's so fun. Speaking of weddings and proposals, I suppose, I saw this video this morning.

It's so crackups doing the rounds at the moment. If you're going to do, Chantelle. And it's the most, it's the most cringy. proposal ever. All proposals that are filmed are cringy as far as I can see. It's like literally just a guy in the lounge of a house, there's a TV

on, and then his fiancé to be is there on the couch sitting next to her mum, I guess his mother-in-law. Are you going to fart? Are you going to fart? You're on dance. No.

I've seen this one. Oh, she's holding out the lip ring to just show her mom now, that's it. That's not real, is it? Oh, that's cute. Show her mom. Then watch what she does. Yeah, you know? Yeah.

He's supposed to put it on. She just sits down on the couch. Are you going to fart? I do because this is why I was trying to get you home in a hurry. Oh, my God. I like it. He's like, you're not supposed to sit down, you're supposed to stay here.

Why would you put that on the internet? And then his comment right at the end. Because they're hugging it out now. That's a dog walking around, by the way. I didn't like it at first, but that's the two hearts in it. I didn't like it at first, but... I didn't like the ring at first, but it's got two hearts in it. Oh, that's...

Fuck me. So he goes to me, marry me, she goes, yep, takes the ring, goes, sits back down on the couch. The video starts with, are you going to fart? And it's like, why wouldn't you just... Take that out? Start the edit from when you're like, she's dealing down. Fuck, you know, and you're like, we share the planet with these guys.

How did she know he was going to fart? Does he have a look on his face or something? I don't know, I think, because he, like, walked into the middle of the lounge, and then he got down on one knee, so she thought he was going to drop his guts. Jesus. Oh, my Lord, Jesus. Oh, man. We've got an interview, guys.

I've got to wrap this up. Love you, everybody. Thanks for listening. Who's got the interview? What do you mean? I've got it, and you've got it. We've all got it. Oh, I thought it wasn't until Friday.

It's today. I've got to do more FM one and then we're all the edge. And then I've got Kaylee Bell on my podcast. That's going to be out tomorrow, guys. Oh, Kaylee Bell. What are you going to talk to her about? Christmas songs. Oh, yeah.

Love songs because she's put out of Christmas love song. What's your favourite Christmas song before we go? Oh my gosh. I discovered one that will make you cry down. It's, you know Sarah Borellas? Oh, yeah, I love her. Can you make music come into our ears for this? Mm-hmm. Okay.

Not too much because we don't want to get flagged on Spotify. How about I just read? Can I just read, I'll just read like one of the lyrics. It's just a little bit. Okay. It's called, um, um, oh, I've lost the document, but it's so. That's all good. You just Google Sarah Borrell's Christmas song.

Just sing it how you think it goes. It goes, love is Christmas. That's what's called. Love is Christmas. Christmas. And it's S-A-R-A. If you just love is Christmas, S-A-R-A. And you need to get done YouTube. And then go to like 40 seconds in. And it's all about how like we need the best things and Christmas are just the simple things. And like you don't have to try too hard. You just have to like, you know.

And her voice is hauntingly beautiful. Fast forward. So you get into the crux of it. It's just an ooh. I want some lyrical bits. It's not so good, so far. Does she sing in this? I don't know. I'm fine.

Love I look to you when I sing. She's going to sing ooh again now. Fuck it. Ooh. You, thanks for that. Oh, we'd better. We'll listen to it in our own time. Wait, I'll read a couple of lyrics.

Okay. If you start saying ooh, I'm going to fucking leave. No, I'm off for you guys She's been off us quite a bit of us last week I reckon she wants to leave now She stormed out the other day He's going to get a storm out again Clint She should have called it

Ooh Christmas Shut up Can't you guys see next time bye The normal lyrics to ooh ratio's way off Holy shit, you made it the whole way through. If you want more, find them on Instagram at Edge Breakfast. See you tomorrow. And then if that's not enough, check out our only fans, podcast, it is.