The Eric Metaxas Show - #194 - Tammy Trent

Episode Date: September 2, 2026

Today On The Eric Metaxas Show, recording artist and author Tammy Trent joins Eric to discuss her new book Where Are You Now? God? and the tragedy that changed her life forever. Tammy recounts losing her husband Trent during a diving accident in Jamaica in September 2001, while the attacks of September 11 left her stranded far from home and unable to reach her family.Tammy and Eric discuss grief, doubt, unanswered prayer, suffering, and what it means to trust God when life no longer makes sense. Tammy shares how her faith survived her darkest moment and why, 25 years later, she believes God was still present even when she could not understand what He was doing.⭐ ORDER NOW:Revolution: The Birth of the Greatest Nation in the History of the World📕: https://a.co/d/0ir3NlapTODAY'S SPONSORS:🪙 Grace Precious Metals: https://www.metaxasmetals.com/🛏️ MyPillow — Save BIG with code ERIC: https://www.mypillow.com/☀️ Honest, fast, and free Medicare plan guidance: https://askchapter.com/metaxas/

Hey, the folks, welcome back. Right now I have as my guest, Tammy Trent. She's the author of a new book, Where Are You Now, God? She's been a recording artist, author of previous books, the new book, Where Are You Now, God? Kind of a good question. Tammy Trent, welcome. Thank you, Eric. I'm so glad to be with you. It's a tough question. I think it's a question so many of us has carried throughout our lives. It's not a matter of. If we'll ask it, it's a matter of when we'll ask it. And mine came at a huge cost, at a huge moment in my life, probably my deepest wound and the biggest impact of my life when I literally was on my hands and knees sobbing, saying, God, where are you in this? How do I find you in this? How will I live? How will I survive this? How do I find God's presence in the worst moment of my life? When you say this, I want to talk about what this is, what it is for you, what it was

for you. But the question where are you now, God, it's, it is a great question because I think if we're honest, and a lot of people cannot be honest, we can kind of have this religious veneer until God in his severe mercy breaks through the religious veneer and gets us to be honest and say, Lord, where are you now? I don't, I don't. I mean, some people turn their backs on God completely, because it's so, so painful. So what was the event? in your life. Tell us a little bit about yourself and about the event in your life some years ago that led you to ask this really, really painful question. Yeah. So I met this kid in my youth group when I was 15 years old. We felt crazy in love. I felt like the luckiest girl in the youth group because he

chose me. I was 16, allowed to date when I turned 16, and we went on the greatest adventure of my life. I'd come from a broken home. So I didn't really have that male figure in my life that spoke into my life that covered me well, that loved me well, that was consistent until this young kid walked into my life. So we dated seven and a half years. I went off to Bible college for one year, came back and thought, I cannot live another day without this guy in my life. So we got married. We're married for 11 years. And in that time, I signed my first record deal in 1995. And I took his first name as my last name. Together we were Tammy and Trent Lenderink. But as I travel in ministry. I became Tammy Trent, and I loved it. He left his family business. He started partnering with

me in ministry and managing me. So we were on the road full time together every single day. And we had a move here in Nashville. And you know when everything feels right, Eric, in your life, when you're like, man, all the pieces are falling into place. I know exactly where I'm supposed to be. I can hear clearly from God all as well. He's doing everything I'm asking him to do, meeting me where I need. like all the things. And yet after 11 years, I thought, okay, then what's next? Everything seems to be falling into place. So what's next, God?

What do you have next for us? We got a call to go to Jamaica on a mission trip. It was a time in our life we thought it's pivotal. I think this is where God's going to speak. And I had no doubt that change was coming. I just didn't have any idea what it was. And so we went to- What year was this that you took this trip to Jamaica?

Well, Eric, you won't. You will not believe the day that this all landed on. This was in year 2001. And it was in September of 2001. And we took off to do this mission trip. We had one day off before we were to begin the trip. And we went to a Blue Lagoon, legendary place there in Jamaica. And Trent wanted to free dive.

He'd been a diver since he was 12. So he wanted to free dive in the Blue Lagoon. In the lagoon was a hole that went down about 240 feet deep. And Trent wanted to explore. explore. He had his underwater scooter with him, his wet suit on, like he was ready. So we had lunch there on the edge of the water. He suited up. He said, I'll be gone for 15 minutes and I'll be back. He sunk beneath the surfic air, Eric, that day, and he never returned. He waved goodbye to me in that moment. I waved back and he never returned. He sunk beneath the surface and was gone. My whole

world shifted as 15 minutes turned into 30, 45 into an hour and I knew something is not right. Something is wrong. This isn't normal. So I called in a dive team and they began to search for Trent through the night. They found nothing. And I went up to a home of two doctors that night that wanted to watch out for me. And the next morning they said, Tammy, come into this room. Look at the television screen. Come here fast. and I walked into that room the morning of September 11th, 2001. So when the second plane was plowling into the Twin Towers in New York City, I'm in this foreign country myself. My people are asking what's going on, what's happening in America,

I'm over here thinking, what's happening in my world? America's falling apart, but my world is falling apart. You're wondering where your loved one is, and I don't know where mine is either. And I just sat in that ache and that unbelief, the disbelief, the confusion, the hopelessness. I was scared and it was just, I didn't know what to do. And I remember the search continued and I got a call that my family was grounded on planes all across the country. So not one person could get to me, Eric. And I'm sitting there just thinking, God, where are you? Like, I feel like I've done everything right and everything's going wrong. And then I got the next call that they had recovered Trent in the Blue Lagoon. Something had struck him on the back of the head and he didn't survive it. And I remember falling to the ground, just crying, just crying out to God. Like, what do I do with this? What do I do now? What do I do with my life? Like everything just took a turn. I never saw coming. And I don't know how to live. I don't know how to breathe. I don't even

know how to find you God in this moment. And I think, Eric, that truly was the heartbeat of my life at that moment of just feeling like I've walked with God my whole life. But here it came down to this wound, this impact where I literally said for the deepest time in my life, like, where are you, God, and how do I find you? And I think that became my journey to try to find God in the middle of heartache, disappointment, unmet expectations, rejection, grief, child trauma, like all the things. How do I find the fingerprint of God to know that I, I not won't just survive, but I can overcome this triumphantly. Like I could find an abundant life, but how do I do that?

And I've dug into this book, found some answers. And now my hope is to try to guide somebody else that just feels stuck or they've walked away from faith. Because like you said, people are like, I'm out. The promise didn't work for me, so I'm gone. So how can I somehow say, hang on a second, just let me share some things with you, just to consider at least. And let me show you where God's show. up through real stories, real, real biblical stories, real lives. And so if he showed up for them,

he was the God who saw, the God who drew near, the God who never abandons, then let's consider him in your story today, just like I had to do in mine. I mean, I have to say, you know, a lot of people worship a God who doesn't exist, the happy, clappy God that doesn't allow this kind of thing to happen. It is very challenging for anybody, I think. This is the conundrum. This is the conundrum. this is the paradox of the heart of faith in the God of the Bible. How could he allow this? Why would he allow this? Why would he let me twist in the wind?

And I think at some point or another, most people go through things, maybe not as dramatic as what you did, but it's the same question. I don't get it. I don't get it. I must have missed something because the God that I know doesn't, I don't think he would allow this or he would. I don't get it. And that's the question is, you know, to ask. ask, where are you now, God?

How do I get through this? And I think it's important for us to be honest, because I know that there are people that walk away from God because they just go, you know what, whatever is involved, I'm out. I'm not interested in this. I just need to survive. I just need to find a way to something. And whatever it was that I was hearing or whoever, whatever God that I think I was believing in, I don't know that that God is there.

I don't know who God is. I mean, these are deep, honest questions. And I think we have to really be honest and say, we can't even pretend like we found easy answers. I mean, you can't pretend that, here I just found the scripture verse and this solves the problem. That problem doesn't get solved in that way. To lose the love of your life, at that point in your life,

to have it happen that way. I think all of us who've been to do anything similar to that, and many of us have taken to do anything similar to that. and many of us have tasted similar things, we have to be honest and say, we don't know. When I get to heaven, I assume the Lord will help me understand,

but right now I have to be honest and say, I don't understand. I still praise his name, but I am confused on some level. Where am I supposed to go with this? So talk us through that because it's unimaginable what you've just described. I mean, that is just beyond, beyond.

I mean, you said something so honest, a second ago. And the truth is that sometimes we don't know the answer. And, you know, I don't even think Scripture says that Jesus is obligated to tell us what the answer is. But what he does tell us over and over and over again that he is with us. He is with us. He's not leaving us alone. And also scripture says, like, I didn't promise you there wouldn't be any trouble. I didn't promise you this side of heaven that life would be easy. But again, I'm going to walk. through this with you. So if you trust me with the pieces of this, I'm actually going to work this out for your good. So for me, Eric, it's like I could have, yes, everything you just said is so relevant

and is so honest and how so many people feel, even people like me that have walked out faith my whole life. I had every single thought and question that you just described. And but for me, some reason I said, okay, I've got to figure out the mystery of why God allowed this to happen. There's something greater here because I know that he loves me. Okay, if that's the foundation of my life, but that's not shaken. I know he wants good things for me. So if I believe those things, let me put that aside. Am I allowed to ask him questions?

Okay. In scripture, Jesus even cried out on the cross. My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Okay. So I can settle in the fact that I can't ask him questions. What will the questions bring me? I don't, just like you said, sometimes I don't know what happened to Trent that day. I don't know ultimately why his life was cut so short, but 25 years later sitting with you here

in this moment, I can tell you beyond a shadow bit out, I can trace the fingerprints of God in my life to see how things happened for a greater purpose beyond my own purpose. I had a plan. Everything changed at a moment. But if I settle into, does God have a plan for my life? Is there a purpose? Yes, I believe that. So what is it? And I can see the, different places I've been, the platforms I've been on where God has sent me to speak life and hope, just as someone that says, I'm stuck. I have no joy. But something you said today, Tammy, it changed my perspective. And when I think about the presence of God, it's like God's presence is a truth before it's an experience. It's a truth. And what I mean by that is you can go

through scripture. It talks about his presence being with us. So you have to lock into what is truth. That's the foundation of your life truth. You can't be chasing a feeling because our feelings come and they go. So if you're looking at the presence of God and going, I don't feel him today, well, then of course you have no foundation. So you have to go to the truth of what his word says. Matthew 2820, surely, surely I stand to you. I'll be with you to the end of ages. We can go into Hebrews where I will never leave you. I will never forsake you. I'm always with you. I mean, there's constant. But Timmy, this presupposes, this is why. and this is important, why everybody has to make a decision, do I believe the word of God?

Because there will come a time when my emotions, my feelings work against what is in the word of God. And I'm going to have to choose at that point. Yes. Do I go with my feelings which are powerful or do I go with what God has said? And I think that this is the issue for people that if your feelings, I mean, I say, see this sometimes when I see, you know, parents will say like, oh, my kids in this youth group and it's so great and they all love Jesus. And there's a part of me that says, yeah, we'll see. We'll see how much they love Jesus when it's not like the fun thing and everything's great. And when life challenges them,

I hope that their faith is solid. I hope that they know who God is. And it's not just based on this fun feeling with my peers, because that will go away. Just like in a marriage, there's a honeymoon period and then you get into real life and then even the best marriage has hard moments and you have to decide am i as married on the day that we're furiously angry at each other as i am on the day we got married like what is marriage when when we live in a culture based on feelings this is really the the issue and so if you are rooted in the truth of god that that he exists he is good he loves me, he died for me, he's with me. If you at least know that, you can cling to him in the midst of the pain. But if you don't know those things, you will let go. And that's, it's so important for

people to understand that every one of us has gone through those moments where you just think, like, I absolutely don't get this. How can you allow this, Lord? It makes no sense. And on some level, let's be honest, some of these things make no sense. We don't know from our perspective. it is impossible to make sense of it. And I think maybe part of what I'm trying to say is like, you have to be okay with that. You have to say, Lord, I honestly don't understand. There's a mystery.

I look to you. I know what I know, but there's a lot that I don't know. And so I cling to what I know. And you'll help me understand the part I don't know or help me deal with what I don't know because I know you're good. But that's so, you know, and it's interesting, even when you quote Jesus on the cross saying, my God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?

Most people forget, he is quoting the whole Psalm. By using that first line, he is basically saying the whole song. In other words, that you have that feeling. Many of us have that feeling at a moment, but then you go through it and you say, no, but God, you're faithful. You allow me to experience that moment. Where are you? But you are faithful.

And I have to work my way through that to the other side. So this is something that is so serious for every person. It is a tough topic. And I think somehow you're exactly right. And that's the place I had to get to, Eric. Like, I had to believe, I had to believe the word. I had to go back to. Otherwise, I think I had nothing to hang on to. And either I'm leaning on my strength to hang on to God or I'm leaning on his strength to hang on to me because my grip is weak. It's going to fall flat. So I had to believe. And you're right, it was a choice. Either I'm out or I'm going to stick with him and I'm going to try to find. out some answers in this side of heaven, I'll never know exactly what happened that day. One day, I hope to have a conversation with Trent and with Jesus. And I'd love to hear that conversation. But for now, I say, what do I have now? What's my perspective now? I can waste my whole life on what I don't have, the sexual abuse in my life when I was a child that affected a lot of things, watched my parents go through divorce. I'd been given a cancer diagnosis more than one time. You know, I've thought

rejection, all these different things that I talk about in the book. So how do I find God in all of these disappointments, unmet expectations? And if I put the work in, if I actually, and I'm not just talking like how boring to pull out the word of God and memorize scripture, there's truth to that, but there are other ways to walk with God along with the importance of the foundation of his word. And that's what I've had to lean on, community, relationships, my family, my, my relationship with God, all of it has impacted my life in such a way that for some reason I keep getting up every day and I still feel punched in the gut, Eric. There's a heavy weight that comes with carrying a wound. There's a heavy weight that comes with disappointment when you've lost a child.

When you're 70 years old and your husband or your wife says, I want a divorce, I'm out. It's a heavy weight when life changes. So yeah, you say, God, where are you in this? I didn't see this coming. And a lot of times for me, it's easy to say, you could have changed this, but you didn't. Why? And I think I've learned a lot of times like, God didn't do this, Tammy. God didn't do this. God, God didn't cause this. But what he does say is I'm a redeemer. I'll restore. Trust me, let me pick up the pieces of all these things that have broken in your life, all the tears you've scattered around. Let me collect all of them. And if you trust me, I'm going to draw near. And I'm going to, I'm going to show you something beautiful in the ashes of. your life because I'm always at work. There's never a time I'm not at work in your life. I'm always there. And I think we're so quick to think that he's not listening because we're praying the same prayer over and over and over again and it's just getting us nowhere. So we think he's out. He's not listening.

But sometimes his delay is preparation in our lives. Sometimes there's always a reason for delay. We go back to the story of Lazarus. Like he could have showed up when they asked him to Mary Martha. But like, why didn't he? There's always a reason. Jesus has a reason for everything. It's hard to understand. That's the part you have to know and trust. Today's show is brought to you by grace precious metals.

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of the movement. People forget his. name. He was the leader of the movement, outrageously talented. He's killed at the beginning of the beginning, at the Battle of Bunker Hill. And people are just out of their minds. How do we go on? This was our leader taken out, taken from us, where do we go? And Samuel Adams, who is really, he is just one of the great figures of that era, he kind of in a letter to somebody, he sort of rebukes them. And he basically says, it's our duty to suburb. admit to the dispensations of God. In other words, yes, we're in pain. Yes, we have questions, but be careful. You don't judge God. God judges you. Be careful to understand God's ways

are not our ways. God is God. He gave us life. And that is something that I think in our feelings focused world, we forget. We kind of act like we have the right to judge God or to be angry at God. And I think we have to be careful because God is a loving father. But he is a loving father. But he is our heavenly father and the idea that we know better if only god had done this or this or this we don't know much we don't know much we know when we're in pain we're in pain we're honest but we also know god loves us in the pain and to demand answers or to say if i don't get answers if i don't get the answers i want i'm out well then you don't really know god because that's exactly right that that's that's kind of the issue god wants you to know him so that you yeah you hold on to him in the midst of the

difficulty. Yeah, not just know of him. Many people know of a God, but knowing him intimately is a whole other thing. It could change the trajectory of your life. If you can recognize the voice of God, recognize his presence and know it, for me, it's changed everything. And I'm so grateful for it when I stood on the edge of the water, when everything shifted and changed, man, I've gotten angry. I've cried out. I've asked every question. I didn't want to keep showing up, Eric. I didn't want to keep singing. I don't want to keep writing songs. I don't want to write a book. I don't want to host a TV show. I don't want to do anything. I just felt the ache heavy deep in my heart. And I took a year off and I sat and I just said, God, what does healing even look like? Walk me through this. I don't even have

any idea what I'm supposed to surrender. What am I supposed to let go of? I don't even, I don't even know because I feel like I've lost everything. So what more could I let go of? And I think the thing I got to this place of just feeling like God was just saying, I'm with you. I feel this with you. I feel the emotions, but just keep showing up, Tammy. When you keep showing up, I'm going to keep revealing a little bit at a time. You'd probably love the big picture, but I can't give it to you right now. But just keep showing up. And I'm going to keep showing up. And I promise that I'll keep revealing a little bit at a time and you will see at one point I promise you you will begin to see purpose in your pain and Eric 25 years I'm telling you I've seen it I've still

kicked and screamed I still have the tears when I talk about it but God's brought great healing in my life but it's been a genuine walk for me I tell people honestly that I've had every question that I've gotten angry at God that I have questioned this plan is awful it sucks I hate it, you know, all the things. And yet, I can still see the goodness of God. So keep showing up, keep talking to him, stay in relationship with him, get to know him. And again, his presence will be the very thing to carry you through the next storm of your life. You know, it's part of what you said a few moments ago, and this is key. I think there are a lot of people they think of themselves as Christians, but they are intellectual Christians or theological Christians.

they haven't had an experience with the person of Jesus. And I think this is a key thing. As I want to say to anybody listening, God wants you to know him personally, not to know about him, not to agree with his principles, to know him personally. And if you don't, ask him to reveal himself to you.

Ask him, however he chooses to reveal himself to you so that you have a personal relationship with him. Because I think when you have a personal relationship with him, it really changes everything. Of course, we're made for personal relationships. We're made by God in his image for personal relationships. And so a lot of times people have a theological construct.

They're worshiping this theological construct. That's different. We need to know God personally, viscerally, in a human way. And there are a lot of people that they haven't gotten there yet. And I simply say to them, just ask God humbly in a heartfelt way to reveal himself to you by reading the scripture that you can help that process. But that really is the key, is this personal relationship with God, not just agreeing with Christian principles or saying, well, I know God exists, whatever. Well, the devil knows God exists. God wants you to know him and love him.

And that's a whole different thing. And I think that that is what got you through. It's what gets me through various pains and questions is that you say, Lord, where am I going to go? I know you. I know you. And I'm just going to, even in the difficulties, which are real for, I think, anybody that walks through life, you're going to have various kinds of difficulties and many of them you won't share publicly,

but God knows. And he wants to be there for us personally. personally in that. And I know that that's, I mean, I'm, I thank God talking to you that you had that when you went through this horror, that you had that. Yeah. And I think, you know, another thing to encourage people that I needed to is just because your faith feels fragile. Just because you're doubting, asking the questions, it's not a failure of your faith. Some people think I have failed at faith.

I'm not good at the God thing. I have too many questions. My faith is fragile. It's shaken a lot, so I'm not good at it. So I should probably just try something else. But I'm telling you, it does not mean you're faithless if you are asking the questions. In fact, I think it's an invitation to actually draw nearer to Christ and to get to know him. Ask the questions.

If you have them all, like bring them honestly, before God. Bring these doubts you have. Bring the fears, bring the anxiety, the depra, all of it, and find out what God says about being in the middle of it with you so that you're never alone. You are not isolated. And yes, it is getting to know the heart of Christ. And the only way you can do that is to dive into the Word of God yourself. So find a translation that you understand. Don't let it be an excuse like it used to be for me when I pick up the word and go, I don't get what it's saying it's so many, these, thous, whatever. I found a translation that was still true to the word that didn't change it, but something

I understood. And I'd maybe grab a devotion that actually I'd start there. And I'm like, oh, and then it gives me scripture. Then I go back to reference it and go, okay, now it's making sense. But I often prayed, God, as I open up your word, reveal, like reveal to me, not just like you said, Eric, just not just theologically in my brain and stuff, but reveal something in my heart. make it make sense so that I can finally connect the dots so that I don't have to be bound by this my whole life. I'm angry.

I don't believe in you, all the things, and I want to believe in something. So I would say start there. Start by asking the question, seeking God, not letting the enemy of your soul, the devil, the enemy of your soul who hates you, that has studied you, that knows you. and he's trying everything to keep you from believing that God has good things for your life. So if you can set that stuff aside, all the voices somehow get past them and listen to God's voice. Start there. Just start there today. And I promise you as you dig into things, even with my book, you're like, hey, I don't want to read the Bible. Honestly, I wrote this book even as a guide for people that say, I don't know where to start. I'm going to help you. Let me help you start a journey with God to finding him in the middle of

life story right now so that you can have an encounter with God, like maybe you've never had before. Well, this is what it's all about. So folks, the title of the book, I should have mentioned more often, where are you now God? The author is Tammy Trent. But that question, where are you now God? I know, again, I know there are people maybe they have a sort of relationship with God. God doesn't want you to have a sort of relationship. He really wants all of you. He loves all of you and he wants all of you because he wants to bless all of you. He wants to walk with you. And he wants to help you make sense of your life because our lives cannot make sense apart from him. That's the headline. Your life cannot make sense. He is the meaning of your life.

Jesus is the meaning of your life. Yes. And so you need to know that. And so I think that I hope your book will be a path for folks listening who they are, they're just lost enough to say I think I'm missing something. You are missing something. You want, God wants all of you. That's his plan for you. If you want to know,

this is plan for you. And so I hope that that a lot of folks listening right now will get a copy. The book, Where are you now God? And Tammy, right now, what are you doing with your life?

I mean, you're writing books, but what goes on with you when you're not talking about? the most important question in the world. Yeah, exactly. So I live in Nashville here. I love my home. It's the home Trent and I built together, our first home together. I'm still in the same house, 26, almost 27 years later. And I love it. It brings me great peace. But my whole life is here, my community is here, my church, my friends. I co-host a television show in Dallas, so I fly back and forth whenever I'm needed. It's called Life Today with James and Betty Robinson.

And so I'd been doing mission work for them for about 17 years. And so I started shooting some shows with them. And I love them so much. And, of course, James just went to heaven a few months ago. So Betty has stepped up and done incredible things, incredible woman of God. So, yeah, writing the book, this is the newest adventure of my life at the moment. And I still make music today. I speak at women's conferences all around the world.

So even today, Eric, I'll be speaking at one church home here tonight at a women's event, which I consider my home church. and I love Pastor Steve Berger and Sarah Berger are whom I consider my pastors here in Nashville. I love them so very much. So I'm really involved in my community here, but then I get on a flight tomorrow. I had to Canada.

I speak at a church Sunday morning, and then I do 100 Huntley Street television on Monday. So there's a lot going on now. So my prayer is even like, Lord, let me just set in this space and enjoy where you have me. But life for me is ministry and loving people and speaking hope, every assignment God gives me, not just on a platform,

but if I head to Home Depot today, you better believe I'm going to look for a moment to tell somebody, gosh, how are you doing? And how's life? And it always comes up about me being widowed. And people are like, what? What happened? And so I share a brief story, but it always leads to the conclusion when I say, but God has brought great healing in my life. unbelievable praise the lord well uh i knew you knew the burgers they are dear friends i love them um tammy trent is the author of where are you now god uh i i i as the author of books i know you can get that anywhere where are you know god uh Tammy trend what's your website is it just your name it is just tametrent dot com and you're right the new book the new book actually drops i think

It's September 1st. You can get it on Amazon. You can get it wherever you buy books. And I'd be so honored if you'd pick up a copy. Tammy Trent, author of Where Are You Now, God. Thank you so much, Tammy. God bless you. Thanks, Eric.

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