The Eric Metaxas Show - Jeff Allen

Episode Date: September 14, 2023

Comedian Jeff Allen joins to discuss his new book "Are We There Yet"

Folks, welcome to the Eric Mattaxas show, sponsored by Legacy Precious Metals. There's never been a better time to invest in precious metals. Visit legacy p.m. Investments.com. That's legacy p.m. Investments.com. Ladies and gentlemen, looking for something new and original, something unique and without equal. Look no further. Here comes the one and only Eric Mattaxas. Hey there, folks. Welcome to the show. As you know, this show, we often talk about incredibly substantive issues. We talk about the economy. We talk about what's going on in the news and the stolen election and the evil fake president and all that kooky important stuff. But today, I get to do what I want to do. I get to talk to a comedian.

Now, even if we talk about important stuff, I'm still talking to a comedian. So you got a would-be comedian talking to an actual comedian. His name. name is Jeff Allen. And I just might as well say, Jeff, welcome to the program. Hey, thanks for having me, man. So even if we get serious, you're still officially professionally a comedian. Absolutely. I'm a, I'm a sometime comedian, but I'm always a would be comedian. And I really, I've followed comedy my whole life. And it's something, you know, people say like, what do you, what do you take seriously, Eric? What do you really seriously interested in? Comedy is at the top of the list, which is one of the reasons I know you and I know your work.

I can't remember where I first would have seen you. Upstate New York, man, at the New Canaan Society. No, no, no, no. That's where I first met you. I'm talking about where I saw you on TV or whatever, because you've been in the business for a while. I don't know. Where would you have been, you know, like in the 70s or the 80s where I might have

caught your act on TV? I was in New York in the 80s. had to get out of there before I killed somebody or myself. Or we're killed by somebody. Exactly. Yeah. I had a guy from HBO see my set one night at Stand of New York. He says, why are you guys so angry?

So when a guy from HBO says you're angry, maybe I should get out of town. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, he says, I caught your act and you're angry. Right. He needs to say you're talented. You're angry. But no, I'm just trying to think.

I mean, I, where were you, you know, in other words, where would I have caught you nationally? Because I know I saw you do your thing here and there and there and here. But I wouldn't remember where. I don't know. Dry bars would broke me. Everything went viral on the internet through dry bar comedy. I saw you way before that. Yeah.

So, you know, again, I was not on a national. I didn't do one network. television show until Friday. I was on Good Morning America. I told him I had to write a book to get on network television and a book about my miserable existence. Okay. So I want to talk to you about your book because you've got a book out, a brand new book. It is out today. Ladies and gentlemen, the title of the book is, are we there yet? My Journey from a Messed Up to a Meaningful Life. Now, you and I, Jeff, we've met a number of times and you've been on this program before. And we about your messed up life. I mean, you went through some dark, dark stuff. But I always want to

start at the beginning. Where did you grow up? And how did you get into the world of comedy? I grew up in the south side of Chicago. And I was, my brother was a musician. And he was working a club. I was about 16 maybe. And I saw some comedians open for him. And I thought, wow, that would be the coolest thing if I could do that. But it's not like comedies, you know, the comedians set up a table at career day in high school. You know, it's not like, you know, so how do you do this? And it was 1970, probably two or three when I saw the comedian. So 78, I was working for a jewelry company and someone said, hey, there's this comedy

club around the corner in my, you know, comedy club. Anyway, I went in and I was hooked from that moment. So this is the late 70s. Yes. You go into a comedy club. Had you gone to college? You said you're working in a jewelry store? what part of the world are you in?

Well, I went to college for a year. I went to college. Yeah, I went to college for a year and a half. And I went on a baseball thing. And I was drinking pretty heavy. And alcohol and catching 90 mile an hour fastballs don't seem to work out too well. He said, coach says, you weren't the guy I recruited. I was getting drunk at lunch and then going to workouts.

Is that a bad thing? Be honest with me. Because if it is, I got to plead guilty. I got a plea guilty. I get hammered at lunch just about every day, but I'm not catching 90 mile an hour, you know, hard balls. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Okay, so, so you're in college on a, where were you in college at the time? J.C. I did not want to go to college. But I needed it to, I thought I could get a contract. I was looked at in high school, and they just weren't coordinated to pull the trigger, so I went to a two-year school figure and that if I did well there,

then I could get a contract. And as it worked out, I was ineligible in my second year, and I was kind of thrown into the workforce. So I went to work for this jewelry company and we're doing a show and they tell me about this comedy club. And that was August. I think it was November. It was Thanksgiving night. I got the courage to. What part of the country are you in at this time?

Still Chicago? Yeah, Chicago. I'll buy the airport. So you're working a regular job and suddenly you stumble into a comedy club. And at this point, you think I can do this. Now, look, you're a comedian. I have done, you know, I get in front of groups all the time. I crack jokes.

When you do it, you know, you kind of get to this point where you forget that most people don't do this. And most people would be in awe of the fact that you would think I can get up in front of a group and make them laugh. I've never done that exclusively. I usually have a speech or something and I can crack jokes in the midst of it. But you're getting up there specifically and only. to make people laugh. And the idea that you could be a young man watching somebody doing thinking,

I think I can do that. That's not normal. That's an amazing kind of thing. And I don't know if you've ever reflected on that. That's kind of an amazing, crazy idea. Yeah, I went, my first night on stage was a train wreck. And I went home. And my reaction to shame and humiliation is to punch things.

So I punched holes in my closet door when I got home from my first night on stage. and that was Thursday night. I was back on Sunday for an open mic night. And the MC came over. Very large black man came over. I'll never forget, Orlando. He says, you're going to have to make some sense tonight.

We're still trying to figure out what you said Thursday night. But the chutzpah involved in getting in front of a crowd to crack them up. What was your game plan? I had no game plan, Eric. Because every comedian is different, right? Some people have, they'll write out a number of jokes. like that. What was your idea? I'm going to tell some stories. What was the idea?

I'm going to tell you the truth. I had no idea that people wrote things out. I thought comedians went up and talked about their day. So I would hit the stage with nothing prepared and it showed. I would stare at the crowd some nights and I'd run off. I would just, I wouldn't do eight seconds. I would just leave the stage. And I saw a guy writing in a notebook one night and I go, what are you doing?

He goes, well, I'm preparing my set. I go, you write this stuff down? He goes, yeah, again, there's no class. you know, now they have comedy classes, I guess you could take. But anyway, my first joke, my first routine that ever got huge laughs, I had a VW bug that kept breaking down. I had to park it on a hill so I can run downhill and pop the clutch because I couldn't afford to get a new starter for it.

And one night I was late, I had to run a mile to get to the club on time. So I'm dripping sweat. I run through the door. And they go, you're up. I ran on stage and just puked down. everything I hated about the VW bug, you know, the heating system. You know, if you got lucky enough to get it going, it'll burn every hair off your ankle. Sounds like comedy gold. Keep going.

Absolutely. And all of a sudden, about two minutes into the story, I'm realizing, my God, they're laughing. And this is what comedy is. It's truth and it's angst. And if I can come up with more true things and get angry about it, then I'll, I can do this. I think I can do this. and that was really the first time that I connected with an audience. And it was, to me, it was magic.

I mean, it was like there was nothing like it. So it was just like everything in my life, you know, I pursued alcohol and drugs. The first time I did cocaine, I thought this is it. I found it. And it was never the same. But with comedy, it was like. So wait, I just want to be very clear for my audience. So you're not recommending.

cocaine. Not at all, Eric. Nope. You can put that disclaimer right on it. I just want to be very clear. You know, because we're looking for professional life tips. So you're not, I just want to be clear, you're not recommending cocaine. And it sounds like you're not recommending alcohol. No. Well, for me, it wasn't, you know, but, but it could work for other people. It could be the thing a lot of people listening to this program we're looking for. It could be the very thing. We have to go to a break, folks. We'll be right back. We're talking about. We're talking about. We're talking about. We're talking to Jeff Allen. He has a book out. We'll be discussing that book in a minute. Don't go away. Weaving its way through the heart of the Holy Land is a well-worn path that once felt the footsteps of our biblical faith heroes.

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September 15th and 16th, available at Real Life Network.com. Or download the app and sign up for free. that's real life network.com. Check it out. Folks, I'm talking to a comedian, but we're talking about really serious, dark stuff. And Jeff Allen is my guest. Jeff, I want to say that, first of all, congratulations on the book. The book is called Are We There Yet? My Journey from a Mess Up to a Meaningful Life. Now, presumably, this is a journey you've taken, not a journey that you hope to take at some point in life.

In other words, you've achieved the semblance of a moment. meaningful life and you've left the messed up life mostly in the past. Yeah, kind of sort of. Yeah. Yeah, I, I'll agree with that. Yeah, I've, uh, I do. I agree. I don't want to push you.

You still might be a messed up jerk and you just wrote the book for the heck of it. As we're talking about it. Yeah, I, uh, I have, I have some issues, but, um, they're nowhere near what they were. So, and my wife still, I think, listen, I hate to put words in your mouth, but I mean, I, I'd like to help you here. And I guess the point is, if you have a meaningful life, part of having a meaningful life is understanding that we're all messed up. That's a big part of it. So you're not going to go like I got everything perfectly figured out now.

On the contrary, if you've achieved a meaningful life, part of having a meaningful life means understanding. I'm a work in progress. And I'm assuming God comes into the picture because I keep bumping into you at Christian events here and there. somehow God got a whole of this messed up creature named Jeff Allen. Yeah, I ran into a guy. I started with self-help because I knew there was something wrong with me, so I figured I'd read some self-help. I never read a book my entire life until I got sober.

I went into Alcoholics Anonymous, and they said, pray. I said, to what? And they said, well, figure that out. You know it's not cocaine. You can't pray to cocaine? Well, it wasn't that. Yeah, it wasn't cocaine. It wasn't alcohol.

And so I figured I'd pray. And I did what I was told to do because I wanted to stay sober. I naively thought that if I stayed sober, my life would get perfect. And anyway, I started the third step prayer, which was remove me from the bondage of self, so that I may better do thy will, take away my difficulty so that victory over them, others may bear witness to thy strength, they partner. And I had no idea what I was praying, but I prayed it every day like I was told to. and I ended up going to therapy

and she put road less traveled in my hand Scott Peck's book and basically what I got out of that was life is difficult okay I get that and then true love can't exist in a relationship until conflict enters the relationship. There's no such thing as a conflict-free loving relationship which resonated with me because conflict resolution

in my home growing up if I stood up for myself I got pitched against the wall but either my father or my brother. So I learned to fight or flight when conflict entered. So all of a sudden I got married and conflict entered. I wanted to flee and I had nowhere to go. So I had to stick around and try to figure it out. And so I looked into books and I went from self-help to new age to Buddhism to seven years later.

I'm reading Ayn Rand and Atlas shrugged and trying to figure out how to accumulate wealth. Okay, if it's money, we're losing everything. this point. And it was interesting because my wife came to me. She said one day she goes, I got the impression you don't care we're losing the house. And I said, I don't. And she said, who says that? I said, well, someone who doesn't care. I always tell churches when I work there, I go, if you're a marriage today, it's full of acrimony, wait to get to apathy. I don't think there's anything more. Wait until you get to what? Apathy. I don't think there's. Oh, acrimony versus apathy, right.

Well, this is, you know, I think it's safe to say it's true because it's true to some extent in my life. People who are funny, there's usually a dark side. It's funny comes out of a sensitivity usually, and it's a way of dealing with pain or with the sensitivity to what's going on. And that oftentimes there is a real dark side, a depressive side. And it sounds like in your marriage, there's acrimony, as you said. And then this apathy, part of that is depression in a sense, right? Where you're checked out. You don't know what you don't know to do about it.

And obviously, that's not going to be good in a marriage. So what happens at that point? Well, I run into a guy on the road. I hear about a guy that's doing comedy for 100 bucks a week. He's a multimillionaire businessman. He's just out there cruising around doing comedy. And I'm an avid golf. avid golfer.

And I found out because of his wealth, he could get me on like Augusta National. He can get me on Mirfield Village, some really quality world-class courses. So anyway, I tell my manager at the time of my age, and I said, look, I want to work with this guy.

He goes, why? He's not that funny. I go, I don't care. I said, if you can get me on Augusta, he's my new friend. And I get out there. Let me just parenthetically say, Jeff, on behalf of my audience,

you're a sick person. Please continue. Okay. That's so hilarious. This is so hilarious. Poor like nature. I wasn't going in the church to get the gospel. That's what I'm telling you.

So anyway, I'm on the golf course. I'm reading Ayn Rand, and I'm trying to figure out how to accumulate wealth. So I asked this wealthy businessman, how do you accumulate wealth? He says to me straight up, you don't want a lot of money. I go, I don't.

He goes, you can't handle what little you have. A lot would be a burden. He said, in order to really begin to enjoy the creation, you have to have a relationship with the one who created it. And I said, boy, that sounds kind of new agey. Where'd you read that? He goes, well, the relationship part comes from the Bible. And I was taken back by it because I never met anybody who actually read the Bible. So a couple holes went by, and I said, he said something else. I go, that's great. Where'd you read it?

I'll buy the book. He goes, it's in the Bible. I go, well, you stop it with the Bible. And he says, why? I go, well, I don't believe in God. I mean, God, God's word. I think that's a tad archaic, don't you think, who actually reads the Bible. And he said, I do. And I kind of looked at him. I go, okay. And he says, well, let's back up. What's in the Bible you don't think is true? And I go, well, I don't know. I never really read it. He goes, then you're not really an atheist. You're a moron. And, uh, okay, now that is funny. That was, well, it started our friendship. I hope that's in the book. You're not really an atheist. You're a moron. That is very funny. Because that applies to many, many people in our world today. And we're not trying to be mean,

but the point is that they, they don't know what they believe, nor have they really looked into it. They're kind of either afraid to look into it or they just kind of skittered along through life. Because if you look into it, it's pretty tough to be an atheist if you actually look into it. So you have to actually ignore most of the evidence. Well, that's basically what he said to me. He said it's the most influential book in the history of the world. And you can't even crack it open. That's lazy and moronic. And he said, I'd like to help you out. I go to a church in Texas. They teach the Bible every week. I think you'd like this guy. He doesn't talk down to you. He makes you reach up to him.

And anyway, he signed me up for these Bible study tapes, which I never opened up for over a year. And we were friends. We played a lot of golf together. And never once said to me, I sent you tape, sent you a Bible. He sent me a Bible, threw it in a junk drawer. But for that year, every conversation we had eventually ended with the same. We pray for your marriage, you know, and I said, why? And he said, well, we think our marriages are ordained.

And you're there for a reason, not to. just to create a life and move on. And we pray, we want your marriage to succeed. And eventually, Tammy took the kids for a few months, gathered up all these tapes that were laying around the house, collecting dust, and said, if you're not going to listen to these, I'm throwing them out. And anyway, she threw them on the floor.

And one day I walked by, opened one up. It was Ecclesiastes one. Meaningless, meaningless, all in life is meaningless. And that was the deepest truth I had heard. I said, that's it. That was my conclusions after seven or eight years of seeking some kind of point to this existence. And if it's in the Bible, I said, you know,

and then you get to, you know, I don't know, fifth or sixth verse of Ecclesiastes 1, the eyes never get enough of seeing, the ears never get enough of hearing. And you look at your video library, you look at your audio library, you know, and it wasn't until probably months later, I read about Pascal, God-shaped whole,

but I said that's exactly it. And if that's true, then there's other things in this book that is true. And I just dove into the Bible. I listened to about a year and a half worth of Bible study tapes in three months. And I just got on my knees at one point and said, okay, if you're who you're claimed to be, then I'm yours. And that was 20-some years ago.

So in a nutshell. Wow. That's so, man, there's so much in this story that I find fascinating. I mean, the idea that you were really so hostile that here you have a guy that, you know, he's wealthy. He's opening doors for you to go to these golf courses, whatever. He's, he's praying for your marriage. Why should he care about your marriage? He's praying for your marriage. He's sending you tapes. He sends you a Bible, whatever, and you are so wounded and shut down that you don't even, you don't even bother to listen to the tapes. I mean, it's, it's kind of amazing because I know there are a lot of people that are there.

maybe they're listening to this program right now where you're so shut down. You can't even, you know, and there's all kinds of ways you can describe that. But the idea that God pursued you, Jeff Allen, through this guy. Now, do you share this guy's name or is it a secret? Phil, Phil, Phil, he told me it was funny because people are calling him because of other things I posted on YouTube. But Phil, and I've since worked Tommy's Church. I did a men's retreat. Tommy. Who's Tommy? Tommy Nelson.

Oh, when were you going to share that? You big jerk, yeah. Listen, I've had it with you. I've had it with you, Jeff Allen. Now I'm the one that's angry. Okay, we're going to, Tommy Nelson is the one who is behind these audio tapes. We're going to be right back talking to Jeff Allen. The book is, Are We There Yet? My Journey from a Mess Up to a Meaningful Life, Jeff Allen, the author, he's my guest. Don't go away.

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Please go check it out today. That's LegacyPMinvestments.com. Folks, welcome back. I'm talking to Jeff Allen. who's a comedian, although you wouldn't know it from the dark stories. He's spinning on this program. It's pathetic. But he's got a new book out, which kind of explains it all.

It's called Are We There Yet? My Journey from a Messed Up to a Meaningful Life. So you said this is about 20 years ago. God gets a hold of you. And you were tough to get a hold of. You're a tough nut to crack as you tell this story. I've got to tell you, it's interesting. Well, the only thing that exceeded my ignorance was my arrogance.

So that's a tough combination. It's, but God did get a hold of you. It's kind of fascinating. Yes, he did. But this is the first time you've told the story in a book. Right. Yeah. And it was interesting.

My wife's been pushing me for about 10 years to, if she wanted to start an argument, I'd come home from the golf course and tell her, well, I shot 69 today. She'd go, what have you written on the book? Not a word, baby. not a word. I didn't get, I didn't do well in school. This may shock you that a comedian might have a little. You know what's so interesting though is that even though God got a hold of you 20 years ago,

you're still kind of a jerk. I am. I'm 100%. It's very interesting. It's fascinating case study. No, but it's kind of funny that because I would have said the same thing to you. In fact, maybe I did say to you 10 years ago, you need to, you need to write this in a book for many reasons, but just because it will bless people. People need to know. know your story. It's a great story. And obviously, we're only touching on parts of it here. But I think there are a lot of people out there that they have no hope. They don't believe God can reach it. Eric, that's one of the reasons why I wrote it one. Again, I wanted my kids. They were little when I got sober. I've been sober 35 years. My oldest is 38. So I wanted them to

have a history of what we went through because they're married now. They have kids. And everything that we went through breaks up marriages. I mean, we had multiple. But other than God's grace, we shouldn't be together. And then I wanted my grandkids to have something. But then again, there's the apathy. I see it in the airports. I see these young men sitting at the airports,

and it's toxic to me to sit across and look at it. And you can see it in their face. You can feel it coming off their bodies, man. Is this all there is? This is it. And there's more to it. You know, and again, you know, I have a head of stone, you know, but the 12-step group, you know, the AA helped me in the sense that, you know,

if I had walked in there 35 years ago and someone said, you need Jesus out of left, I was, I had such an animosity towards Christians. I don't even know why they never did anything to me, but, of course, what did Jesus do and look the way they treated him? So I just, the act of sons. service, I think we're wired for worship and we're wired for service. And I remember a sponsor who gave me trash bags once. And he said, when you feel like drinking again or you don't want to go home because

you're going to argue with your wife and you're angry, whatever, go pick up trash. And I go, where? And they go, just find a gas station. Just go pick up trash. And here's the hard part. Don't let anybody see you doing it because your pride will kick in and that'll defeat the whole purpose. And I learned from that simple act of going out and doing something for somebody without any acknowledgement

actually got me out of my own way, if that makes sense. Look, we got to be clear in case anybody is listening. The 12-step program is totally Christian. It might not be overtly Christian, but it was started by Christians. All the principles are Christian. and these are Christian principles that work. It's like one plus one equals two. You don't need to know that God is the inventor of reality and that everything makes sense.

These things are simply true and God is behind them, but you don't need to know that Jesus is behind them. So a lot of people in the 12-step program, it is their way to begin walking along with God's reality. And oftentimes, God breaks in an overt way and reaches that. just as he did you. But the 12-step program was his way to bring you toward himself. Absolutely, 100%. And I did what I was told. And that's the only thing I did right early in recovery was I did what I was told.

They said, pray, I prayed. They gave me prayers, the serenity prayer, and then the third-step prayer. And I prayed them every day multiple times. Acts of service, pick up chairs, make coffee for people, do something for somebody else. It's amazing how, in your own broken, beat up way, how arrogant you can be and self-centered. You know, I used to tell my children, you know, take five minutes of any one day and think about somebody other than yourself. Just five minutes. Maybe it'll work to seven, eight, ten.

Maybe at some point you'll actually think of somebody other than yourself that'll come as a natural reaction. But I believe, you know, what's the Tikuna Lam is in the Jewish faith. I love that when I had heard about it. it and we're going to make it part of the tour where we're doing the are we there yet tour and um where the god knows the world he made here is broken so he's charged the jewish people with repairing the broken world and your tikuna lam is what are you doing to repair the broken world and i just love the the idea of that that we are charged as his creation you know it's not news to him that the world is broken.

Yeah, I don't think so. Yeah. What did somebody say? It's the most empirically verifiable fact and most vociferously denied is the sinful nature of man. We're going to go to a break. If people want to find you, what's the best place to find you, Jeff Allen? Jeff Allencom.com.

And I'm all over the internet. All right. Jeff Allen Comedy. I have two Amazon Prime specials, two Amazon Prime specials. Well, we're going to come back and we can talk more about that. The book is, are we there yet? My journey from a messed up to a meaningful life. Jeff Allen's the author. And my guests don't go away. With the overturn of Roe v. Wade, lots of companies are coming out saying they'll pay for employee abortion travel and expenses.

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bath towels, two hand towels, and two wash cloths. A complete set normally 799. But for a limited time for all my listeners, go to Mypillow.com. Use promo code Eric to snag this set for just 3999. That's a 50% discount. Visit Mypillar.com today. Or dial 800-9783057.307 to grab this deal with promo code Eric. Act fast. It won't last. Use promo code Eric for more specials. 800-97783057. Use promo code Eric or Mypillow.com. Folks, welcome back. I'm talking to Jeff Allen, comedian, although you'd never know it from this depressing conversation. No, so the book, Jeff, this is, the book is called Are We There Yet? Brand new book. And I'm glad you finally wrote the stinking book because people need hope.

people need to see that God can reach them the way he reached you because it's an amazing story what you went through uh again the book is called are we there yet and you know i got to ask you so who were your comedy heroes growing up i mean here you the one thing tracks all the way through these years is that you know you wanted to be a comedian and uh you became a comedian and you are a comedian and who are some of the folks that you looked up to uh as as, I don't know, role models in comedy or whose comedy particularly appealed to you. Well, it's interesting. I grew up listening to Cosby. I mean, if you want to be a shrink here for a second, my father probably was the manic depressive. He would lock himself in his room for weeks at a time.

But he would come out. Like that's not normal? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, I'm just saying that that might be a little unusual. But anyway, he would come out and we would listen to Cosby albums on the high-fi. And my dad was a jazz musician. and he would go to the club in Chicago and watch. He saw Woody Allen live.

And that's rare because Woody gave up comedy pretty early in his career to do movies. But anyway, we listened to Woody Allen. We listened to Cosby. And it was one of my better memories of childhood was sitting around laughing with my parents. And then when I got into comedy, I wanted to be Richard Pryor. And it was easy for me. for me because a white suburban kid I can imitate prior. Nobody knew I was doing prior because I didn't sound anything like.

And it looked like them. A lot of guys were doing Carlin. And they would go, the audience would go, that's Carlin. You're doing Carlin. And Carlin was a, I woke up to the class clown of women high school every day and listened to that before I went to school. And then Steve Martin, obviously from Saturday Night Live and Steve Martin. But did you ever try to do, did you ever try to channel?

the comedy of Moms Mabley? Oh, I love Moms Mabley. Yes. No, I never tried that. Because if you try being Mons Mabley, people aren't going to say, hey, he's doing moms. They're not going to say that. Listen to me. Listen to me.

I'll be the only one you'll ever have on that can do a Moms Mabley joke. My husband is so ugly. They beat him with a damn ugly stick. That's a joke. That's a joke of hers. Yeah. I'm about beating her ugly husband with the ugly stick.

You got beat with the whole damn tree. That was it. He didn't get hit with the ugly stick. Thanks for bringing the punchline into the joke. Well, come on, man. It was 40 years ago. That's what gets to laugh. I can't remember where I put my shoes most days.

So I'm going to remember a mom's mably joke from 1970. I think you and I talked about Moms Mabley once before when you were on the program. I don't know. I don't know why I even bring up Moms Mab. Most people are thinking, what? Who? You know, we can talk about Lwanda Page. I mean, you know, these are the people that make me laugh.

But we, and I'm not going to do my mom's impression on the program just because most people are already tuned out. They're all already tuned out. It's cultural appropriation anyway. I'm all about cultural appropriation. Take your teeth out and get some saggy breasts and then maybe you can do it. I mean, the fact that she took her teeth. I mean, are we making this? We're not making this up, folks.

This is real. Oh, my goodness. but it's interesting to hear about your your influences and the people that that that you're talking about. And it's it's funny how comedy changed over time. Because when you think about the classical comedians before the 60s, they weren't really storytellers. They were joke tellers. You know, they would get up there joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, more like Bob Hope than Richard Pryor. But so those are some of those folks.

And when you look at their lives, you know, getting back to your life and your book, a lot of them. had very tough lives. A lot of them, you know, they didn't they didn't go from success to success. They struggled. And it's just interesting that oftentimes, you know, the life of comedy goes along

with life of tragedy, but you don't get to see the tragedy stuff on stage, you know, unless they kind of work it into their act, which Richard Pryor did at some point. Yeah, most nights you don't see it. I had my moments when I was using. My manager tells the story. He was running a club in Nashville.

And I finished the show one night, and I went into the dressing room, which was basically underneath the stairs of the club and slammed the door and berated myself for 10 minutes at the top of my lungs. It bled into the room. He said you could hear a pin drop in the room. You just walked off the stage. You got in the room and you just beat the crap out of yourself for 10 minutes at the top of your lungs. and, you know, we're talking to somebody now about turning the book into a series. And these are the anecdotal things that they're looking for.

I don't know if we put that in the book. That was, again, I had to. You're so dark. You make you make Larry David look like Jerry Seinfeld. Well, that's it, man, upbeat and positive. Yeah. Yeah. It was one of my finer moments.

Incredible. Did you ever meet any of your comments? heroes? I bet Carlin. In Vegas, a really interesting story. I brought my kids. They were little. And it was summer.

It was at the Trop. I was working the Trop. And he was in the main room and I was doing Catch a Rising Star. Civilians call it the Tropicana. Tropicana, right, exactly. Thank you. Well, anyway, I said, boy, I'd love to meet Carolyn.

And my wife says, we'll leave him a note. And I said, I'll leave him a note. She goes, what's he going to do? Come down here and punch you because you left them a note. The worst they'll do is tear it up and you'll never see him. So I know it made sense. So I left him a note. And two nights later, my wife comes downstairs and guess who I just talked to on the phone?

And I said, I can't imagine. She said, George Carlin. I go, no, he called the room. She said, yeah, your son, my son Aaron was like seven years old. Tammy's doing her hair and makeup. The phone rings. And she realizes after five minutes, my seven-year-old has been on the phone with a stranger for five minutes. She goes, who are you talking to?

And he's, who are you? And he goes, George Carlin. and she goes, it is not. She goes over and she picks up the phone, and I can just hear Carlin saying this. Hi, Ma. How are you? You know, and he invited us down.

He was just so gracious. And when you meet your heroes, and they're kind and gracious, it's just, it makes me feel good. Because they always tell you to be careful about meeting your heroes. But that was the only one,

Carlin was the only one I met. I never met prior and I never met Martin. and Steve Martin, but... Unbelievable. Well, I, you know, unfortunately, I met Woody Allen a few times, and it was not a fun experience. I met John Cleese.

John Cleese was wonderful, incredibly gracious. And I had drinks at Sardis with Frank Gorshian. Oh, wow. Which was, you know what? We're going to break. When we come back, I will touch on that, and we'll continue talking to Jeff Allen. The book is, are we there yet? Jeff Allen is the old.

author. Don't go away. Folks, welcome back. I'm talking to Jeff Allen, who claims to be a comedian. I see no evidence of that. Jeff, you've written a book called Are We There Yet? I have no self-esteem, Eric. I was going to say, I'm feeding

I'm feeding it right. You're feeding my soul right now. Are we there yet is the title of the book, My Journey from a Messed Up to a meaningful life, and we really are talking about serious stuff here, so it's tough to be funny. But it's important that we talk about this, that comedians in particular, but, but everybody, including comedians, can go to some really dark stuff.

So the book is, are we there yet? My journey from a messed up to a meaningful life. And Jeff, we were just talking about meeting our heroes and stuff. And I was saying that I met Frank Gorshon. Now, some people won't remember Frank Gorson, but I love impressionists. Anybody who can do impressions to me, that's just, you know, amazing. Kurt Douglas. Oh, he would do, he would do without a doubt.

The best Kirk Douglas and the best Bert Lancaster ever. There's no doubt you can YouTube it. It's insane. But he was, this has got to be around 20 years ago. He had a one-man show on Broadway. And most people know Frank Gorshian as the Riddler on the 60s Batman series, but he was one of the most probably the best impressionist I have ever seen. I mean, he was just astonishing, like just big genius.

But he was himself a really, troubled soul. There's no doubt about it. He was a very troubled soul. I don't think he found Jesus the way you did or I did. And so when I met him once at Sardis for drinks, because after the show, I remember watching him, I'm sorry, he had a show on Broadway. He did a one-man show of George Burns. The whole show was him being George Burns. Oh, wow. And it was incredible. It was incredible. And afterward, I had the guts to ask some stagehand or something. Is it possible to see him back? He's like, oh, yeah, yeah, just go down this alley. He'll be very, right, but, but, but. And I walked down this alley.

I'm like, I'm going to get whacked, you know, at the end of the alley. And there is Frank Gorshman smoking a cigarette. And he was just happy to talk. And so I talked to him for a few minutes. And I had written a book, a comedy book at the time, which is a parody of Ripley's believe it or not called Don't You Believe It, which I think you can find parts of it on my website. But the point is that I was talking about that, talking him about wanting to interview him,

even though I didn't have a show at the time and stuff. So we eventually met at Sardis. and he was in person basically depressed. He was not really, you know, you think when you see somebody on stage, oh, they're going to be fun and up and entertaining. But he was very, very down. And it was the first time I'd seen with my own eyes, the reality that you hear about, the sad clown,

you know, the guy who makes other people laugh, but behind the scenes, he's not, he was gracious, but he was not exactly full of laughs. And so that's kind of the backstory of what you're talking about is that you get up on stage and you tell jokes and people people don't know what's going on behind the scenes until you write a book about it. God bless your wife. God bless you for sticking with your wife who prodded you to lay down the golf clubs and to write the book. So the book is brand new. You must be excited a little bit, even you.

Oh, I am. I am. Exactly. I am. I am blown away that it actually got completed and got published. And she, when I finished the last draft, it was interesting. I said to her, you need to read this and be okay with my version of what we went through. So she reads the first two chapters.

She puts it down. She walks into me and she goes, I can't read anymore. We were such horrible people. And I said, well, they finished the book. I said, you know, Paul said, you know, when you're in Christ, you're a new creation. So the old is washed away and the new is here. I mean, it's like we're not those people. were 37 years removed from those people,

which is one of the reasons why I really felt I was in a better position to write it because of the distance between who I was and then who I am today as a father and as a husband. And as far as we went through three days together, 40 hours and three days. We went through the entire book line by line. And I am the first.

I'm sorry, we got to, we got to, This hour has ended, folks. I'm going to try to keep Jeff into hour two. The book is Are We There Yet by Jeff Allen? Jeff, thank you. Thank you, ma'am.