The F Plus - 10: Sex Is Personals

Episode Date: December 11, 2009

While Lemon takes a week off from the F Plus podcast, the rest of the group soldiers on with readings of Craigslist ads. Ladies, have you been looking for a man who will sodomize you while you play Super Mario Brothers? Gentlemen, are you looking for a woman to masturbate inside her while you watch hentai cartoons? All of this, and more. Can you believe it's free?

Just last night I was reminded of just how bad it had gotten and just how sick I had become It had gotten it, just how sick I have become. But it could change with this relationship de-deranged. We've all been through some shit, if one day I think this thing's begun. Oh, tell me now, what do I have to do? Oh, tell me now, what do I have to do? Oh, tell me now, what do I have to do? I've proved my love to you.

Welcome to the F Plus Podcast. My name is John, and I'll be your host for the evening. Lemon couldn't be with us tonight, sorry to say. He was drafted into the Burmese Liberation Army for the weekend. He should be back by next show, though, I hope. In any case, what we did this time was a little bit different. Now, usually we have a set list of readings there that we go off of. We do the same kind of readings all on a different, on the same theme. And usually just kind of, you know, riff off of that, do our readings, do it one by one. Well, here we did something a little different.

We kind of did this a little bit more free form. What we did was we found entries on Craigslist, mainly on different Craigslists around the country, at different cities, and we found the missing connections section. Now, and also other various dating things, but mainly the missing connections, and one from another site other than Craigslist, but that's beside the point.

Now, it's really neat because all these different people have all these different desires, most of them creepy, a lot of them weird, and none of them really all that well-written. And so it made for a great kind of riff segment. We're kind of going off the cuff here, so it's a little bit more chaotic, but I think it was really fun.

So, hope you enjoy. What do I have to do? I climb a mountain. What do I have to do? I cross a mountain. What do I have to do? I cross the ocean. What do I have to do? I do it all. What do I have to do? I have room and up to

you. Our readers tonight are A.C.R.O. Collado. I am the best gentleman there ever was Boots Reingear I'm a bit of a misconnection here Jack Chick

Dearest readers, you are all invited to stop by my place as well Jim L2 Fuck this shit Stog I heard there was a human cat for adoption And I am John

Hello Hello Hi John Hey John Hey John Why M4W28, West El Paso. Why do I never have a missed connection? It's not that I need one. I'm a friendly guy. I talk to women all the time.

I go out with women. I'm friends with women. I meet new women all the time. In fact, when I see a girl I want in me, I do it. And I get her number. Every time. But I also find that there are women everywhere and I just can't connect with them all, try as I might. And I frequently

find myself having brief conversations and exchanging smiles and wondering later, maybe I should have stuck around. Well, I'll go check Craigslist. Maybe she'll have left me a message. But no. Never. I'm a pretty cool guy.

I'm friendly, outgoing, confident, funny. I've even been accused of being a good-looking a time or two. Yet never a missed connection? What gives? Girl in the blue sweater who kept giving me come fuck me looks in the bar. What the hell girl who hangs out with my buddy but never talks to me despite sending clear signs of interest. Cute waitress who got fed up with how much water I was drinking and brought me a pitcher full. You laughed when you had to refill it.

You laughed harder when you had to refill it again. We talked. We laughed. We talked. Would it have been awkward to get your number in front of my folks? Probably. But still, I get nothing. Aw.

I taught line dances, too. I was supremely disappointed by your lack of action. I was just learning to get out of my shell or I would have gotten your number then and there. So it's your fault. Girl in the car staring at me. Did you just call me a kiss? Do you just not know about Craigslist? What about you good looking flirty customer?

Or you girl who I fucked me while I sang karaoke you're all disappointments what about you girl that acknowledged that I exist and occupy space what the fuck I don't think anybody has realistically ever I fucked anybody who was singing karaoke

alright so I don't think anybody has realistically ever eye-fucked anybody who was singing karaoke. Alright, so this one is called Like a Hurricane, and it's in Missed Connections. I inadvertently destroy everything in my path. The more I reach out, the more I destroy. The longer I stick around, the more damage I do. I am calm at my heart, but nobody wants to risk the journey in. I am destined to be alone until I die. Aww.

I just linked that thing. That thing. The most awful nerd in America found. I don't know if it's really the most awful nerd, but here you go. What is this? Need an amputee. What is this? Topless robot?

Yeah. Need an amputee to complete my Halloween costume. Brooklyn. So this might seem strange and really offensive to some, but hopefully someone will reply. I have always loved the scene in Empire Strikes Back where Chewbacca has to carry around a half-reconstructed C-3PO in a backpack because he hasn't reattached his lower body yet. For Halloween, I would love to dress up like this. For Halloween, I would love to dress up like this. I am big enough and strong enough to both pull off the Chewbacca look and to carry around a lot of weight for the night.

So basically, I am looking for a W amputee, someone missing both legs, preferably at the hip, to accompany me as C-3PO for the evening. We should meet ahead of time so that we can work out the backpack slash harness system. There are a few parties that I want to hit, and I think we will be the hit of any event we attend. Anyone up for this? Oh, boy. Fantastic.

Yeah. Wow. Wow. I wonder how that went for him. Girls and women. Be wary of men who say they want a trusting woman they use your trust as a weapon they view your trustworthiness as a tool

to take advantage of a situation don't ever view your trust in human nature to be less than a virtue it is a special and sacred thing, and the best guy will feel worthy of your trust and will live up to that as his vow to you. Just be wary. Always take responsibility for yourself, but be careful of who you trust

while still being open to love if it's right? Oh, Lord. Huh. Okay. Big hat at Sunland Park Casino M4W, Central El Paso. I was at the slot machine wearing a big orange foam cowboy hat you are blonde it's always your husky hitter friend you looked at me each time i was licking

my palm while hopping up and down on the stool i was sitting at in front of the machine it kind of gave me a strange look after i counted 31 palm licks and chair hops i explained out loud to you that it was a superstitious good luck maneuver thing I do each time before I spin wheels on the slot machine. Then after I spun the wheels, you asked me for a cigarette. I was about to blot you when I began the 31 palm licks and bar stool hops again. With my free hand, I began trying to get my pack of Austeds out of my front shirt pocket. But they flung out of my front of my shirt pocket with all the sitting down and hopping up and down on the bar stool and palm licking.

Why could you wait for me to finish? You looked at me strangely and left. I believe that you really, really actually think I'm hot. Patrick Swayze. Wait, what? That last bit didn't come through. Patrick Swayze Wait what? That last bit didn't come through Patrick Swayze? Hotter than a late 1980s Patrick Swayze Oh lord

Fantastic Okay Let's hear about Harry Potter's sex party. Yes, yes. Harry Potter's sex party. I'm very curious. I want to... Yeah.

Can you guys hear me? I've got a new mic and I'm not sure if it's working. You sound perfectly clear. Yeah, it's working great. You sound awesome. You sound great. Thank you. I'm jacking it.

Thanks, guys. This is called Harry Potter's sex party. Male for male woman. I'm a big Harry Potter fan, and I've had a HP fantasy I want to finally fulfill. I'm an older gentleman. I've dressed up as Dumbledore for book releases and the most recent movie, Midnight Release.

I've seen sexy young girls dressed up as Hermione, and it really gets my blood boiling. Since my wife died, I've been looking for sexual outlets, and I believe this could be the one. I want to watch you two, dressed as Harry and Hermione, having sex while I, as Dumbledore, watch.

Maybe I could try my wand out, too. I have a few wands and broomsticks Hermione could use to pleasure herself as well. Please be willing to talk or do dirty things as the characters. For example...

Wait, wait. Okay, hold on. I'm going to need a second before you get into the examples. Yeah. For example, if I cast the Imperious Curse on Hermione, she will have to do what I say. I want you two to cast spells on me, each other, and say dirty book references.

I want this to take place in my Dumbledore's office, and I'll have things set up as near as I can to that. I have lots of Harry Potter collectibles and items, thousands of dollars worth, that I will arrange. All I need is you two. Send me a pic of you two, dressed, the part, and you'll get mine. I hope to hear from you soon. See you at Hogwarts. BTW,

BTW, I know Dumbledore is supposed to be gay, but I am not. No Dumbledore Harry sex fantasies, please. Because I have standards. Well, he does. Maybe he has too many standards. All right. Well, I have a classic here. It's gotten pretty famous on the internet.

Let me see. It's called Want It From Behind While You Play Super Mario Bros. Men For Women. Oh, yes. That is a classic. I'll take it. It's yours. Alright, cool.

Want It From Behind While You Play Super Mario Bros. M4W. Do you love to play Super Mario Bros. on the classic Nintendo system? Do you like to get tagged from behind while you do it? This is the poster you then. Yes.

You must know your way around the game before we meet. Must be open to anal sex, and also able to fake an orgasm is a plus. Having real orgasms is a big negative, however. Yeah. I will send you the address to a hotel in room number. When you arrive, the door will be open. Please come in,

close and lock the door, and close the shades if they are still open. I will be in the bathroom and the door will be closed. Turn on the TV and the Nintendo. Remove all of your clothing. Turn off all lights in the room and kneel down on the bed so you are directly in the light of the TV.

I think they could make this a little more efficient. Like, why does she have to turn the Nintendo on before she takes off her clothes and then after that turn the lights off? It's all part of the fantasy, man. Come on. Get ahead in the game. Literally.

You need to be facing the TV with your butt in the air pointed toward the pillows on the bed. Press the start button on the controller when you are ready. I will hear the sound and turn the light off in the bathroom and come out. You will not look directly at me, only look at the TV. When the first level starts, I will begin to finger you and lick you. I will be using lots of lube as well. When you reach the end of level

one, make sure to trigger the fireworks. This is vital to the entire experience. Make sure you end the level with the time being a one, a three, or a six. When level two begins and Mario walks into the pipe,

I will penetrate you. You must say, R, harder. Yes, fuck me, but nothing else. I will continue having sex until the level ends. Be sure to write down notes of what you can say. Do not take the secret level skip. If you die, I will pull out and spank you until the level restarts.

When you reach the flag, you must again trigger the fireworks and also orgasm. I will pull out and spank you until the level restarts. When you reach the flag, you must again trigger the fireworks and also orgasm. I will pull out. When the 1-3 starts, I will penetrate your ass. You are allowed to say something like, Oh God, yes, or it hurts. No other conversation is allowed. When the 1-4 starts, I will alternate between holes as I see fit. You may beg me to come inside or outside of you, depending on what you want.

When boss falls and you reach the princess, I will pull out and blow my load where you have convinced me I want to. You may then say something like, thanks, it was great, I loved it, don't stop. If I am impressed, you may continue playing and I will continue to pleasure you. If I am not, I will turn nintendo off and return to the bathroom at this time you may clean yourself with the towel that is beside the bed turn the lights on redress yourself and leave i may come back out and talk to you as you dress but the conversation will most likely be short and revolve around scheduling another time to get together location orlando oh it. Big surprise. Oh, Lord. Oh, wow. That's something.

I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to need a few minutes alone. Yeah. It's tough to hear your fetishes written out in that much detail. Wow. So, anybody want to try that Jim L2's one? What's weird about that is it's exactly my fetish.

Well then! In such detail. And don't you live in Orlando boots? I do not at all. It's probably Michael Eisner. Seeking hentai fan, W4M. The guy, or maybe guys, who knows, I'm looking for watches a lot of hentai.

You have a very high sex drive and watch hentai most days, if not every day. You often find yourself getting off watching hentai more than once in a day. Some days, you get off several times. The only thing that you think would make your hentai watching experience better is if you had a pussy to fuck while you watched. That's what I always say. That's what I always say, That's what I always say too. This Japanese cartoon porn is great.

What could make it better? Sex. Cheetos? No, I tried that last time. Doritos? There you go. Also a vagina. If only my Jackoff material was actually sex.

Not a fake one. A girl who wants you to give it to her good while you watch your favorite hentai. To be clear, you don't want to have sex with a girl instead of watching hentai. You just want her pussy instead of her hand while you're watching.

Well, I'm your girl. Do you want a living fleshlight? Then I'm your girl. Also, I hate myself. I'm a your girl. Do you want a living fleshlight? Then I'm your girl. Also, I hate myself. I'm a petite girl, slim with long red hair and brown eyes. I'm also 5,000 pounds. The plan. We spend a day together, probably a full eight hours or so. I spend the entire day either naked or wearing a short skirt and no panties as you prefer.

You spend the day playing video games, watching anime, whatever it is you like to do, and watching hentai as often as you feel inclined. I'll be hanging out close by reading a book. Every time you get turned on, you tell me you want sex and tell me whether you want it missionary or doggy style. I put down my book and get into position you request in such a way that you can still see the head. Hey, you are watching,

looping myself a little if necessary. You put your dick in me. That's so romantic. Watch the head. Hey, this is important. No sex without watching head day and thrust until you come. No foreplay is involved with the exception of little groping.

If you wish. You don't need to worry about lasting long or making me cum because the idea is that this is as much like masturbation as possible except you use my pussy instead of your hand because pussies feel better. Experience and penis size are also not important. What is important though is frequency. You need to be able to do this at least once an hour. This is... What the... I don't understand why this woman expects me to drop my masturbation habits

down to some ridiculously low level. No! This is a very important part of what I want. Just a couple times is not enough. There is no maximum amount. You can fuck me as many times as you want within the agreed upon time frame. To encourage you to do this as often as possible,

only vaginal penetration is allowed until you've done that at least 12 times. Oh my god. At which point you can use my ass if you like. Everybody who has responded to this Craigslist ad is now, like, chained in a compound making crystal meth. Yeah, but they get to watch as much hentai as they like. That's a bonus. Twelve times.

At that point, your dick is just going, please, no more. Oh, my God. Dust is puffing out. Either that or a flag that says bang just pops out. It's like, oh, that's it. If you think you're the guy I'm describing, please send me a message and tell me a little about yourself.

Hobbies, your favorite anime slash games, why you like hentai, whether you've had sex before, what the most you can come in a day is, things like that. And include a few screenshots of your favorite hentai so I know what you like. A picture of yourself would be nice, but it's not mandatory. Also, if you like the sound of this but think you wouldn't be able to have that much sex, then I'm open to you and your friend sharing the job.

Hey, boys. She's in Canada. Oh, shit. Canada. All right, you Canadians. You guys need to get on that shit. Wow. Okay.

I don't want the maple aids. Oh. Oh. No. I don't want the maple aids. All right. I also sent a link up earlier, the one mysticalwonders.org. It doesn't really quite fit with the terrible Craigslist sex things, but I was looking for something borderline illiterate. Borderline? What kind of podcast do you think this is? Gotta go the full way, baby.

Hello, man! Stop playing and get with me! Hey, I'm Trinity from New Orleans, Louisiana! No, that says law, it's not capitalized. I'm looking for something serious, serious relationship.

On long term, I'm looking for something now. You must be willing to spoil me like a princess like I am. I love kissing and holding hands looking for a man with a good head on his shoulders. I'm looking for

someone I can have fun with. Looking for someone ages 18 to 22. I'm 18. I'm very pretty. Always keep myself up. I love to be shut up. I'm old and I want to be a seeker. And I have no drive on my life.

I have kids. I like dudes that wear skinny jeans and stuff like that. Love like dudes that keep their self up. So if that's you, hit me up on AIM or my celly, AIM's Pink Cookies 2020. No, Miss 510-520-5166. Boss said pics. No games! Many crowd thanks. Manoli, please don't hit me

if you're not up to par. The other races are okay. Must send pics. If you don't, then don't hit me up. Bravo. Did that hurt, doing that the whole time? Wow. She looks like a drag queen.

Really? I thought she just got hit by a freight truck. Repeatedly. Could be both. Okay, so update. After a week of having this, I've noticed two more things that are lame. People who start their emails with, well, I'm sure that you are a spammer,

so, M not. Second, don't email me if you are someone who has a picture of you flashing $20 bills or crouching by your sick rims. Not into that.

Well, it is very comical. Not sure who is actually attracted to that. So, I just moved here and have been browsing the platonic section and the dating section. Seems that on all guys' posts

they have this laundry list of one million things, but are, quote, are really just looking for a laid-back girl. Well, I think they are probably full of shit, so I will post something about me in hopes to filter out the D-backs. I'd like to point out that was, well, I think the R. That's what I said.

It just didn't come through very well. Oh, okay. Okay. Things I don't like in people people who use smiley faces in emails or texts or end text slash email with capital ttyl selfish people men who try to convince me that world of warcraft is something I need to know about. Upside down visors. Men who talk too much shit when they play beer pong. And anyone who owns ferrets. That was actually just one guy.

Anyone who owns ferrets? Yeah. I'm not reading it, so. Anyone who owns ferrets. Of course. Naturally. Well, they're filthy, filthy beasts for the lower class. As you can see, I'm very open minded

yeah here are the four things that will make you a fucking retard in my eyes oh yeah and I'm very open minded about everything yes I like to do things outside travel, explore the

bay area, learn new hobbies, cook, and try new things. My favorite movies are Star Wars, but I am not a Star Wars geek. I am very attracted to tattoos and piercings, and have many. I like to go to concerts. I like to go to the bars as one every once in a while. This means dive bar, not club. I am from Colorado, so I will probably be going to Tahoe this weekend winter to get my snow fix. Basically, I am just curious of what is out there I am looking for someone between the ages of 21 and 33 I am not looking for creeps People who think they will get down on a first date

Spammers And again, no creeps Your pick gets mine Good lord That was awesome. I like how her favorite movies are Star Wars. Ha! Ha ha.

All of them. Okay. This one is short, but you gotta read the title and the text of this one. This is in the Best of Craigslist from Columbus. This is in the personal of Craigslist from Columbus. This is in the personal section, and it's called

Josh from the Frat House on 15th. Woman for man. I'm pregnant. Ha! Ha! Wow. That's awesome. I don't know if someone else wants to try reading that

if they can give it a bigger impact, but man, that's... No, that's great. That was great. That was awesome. Okay, okay. Sog's impersonation was good, too, though. That was a good interpretation. Wow.

Josh from the frat house on 15th W4M I'm pregnant The competition You can read this one the best Josh from the frat house on 15th W4M I'm pregnant Josh from the frat house on 15th, W4M.

I'm pregnant. All right, all right. All right, give me a second here. I've got a good one. Josh from the frat house on 15th. I'm pregnant. Josh from the frat house on 15th. I'm pregnant.

You do that voice so well. Thank you. Just looking for someone to hang out with. M4W26 El Paso. So I recently became Singe, and before that I would hang out with her all

the time. So now I am bored and have now one to hang out with. Sounds pathetic. Lol. Anyways, just looking for someone to hang out with, that's all. I have my guy friends to go out with and look for girls. I'm a funny guy, and down to earth. I can carry a conversation and make you laugh at the same time.

So. If you just want to hang out, send me an email. We can start off by doing the whole pick-for-pick thingy everyone else does. Reply with high-five in the subject line. Thanks. No bots. I'm not sending money to Africa. Setting up for any thig

online, etc. I will report you. You understand me? Regardless. I want to hang out we can hang out with my friend too he's actually a prince from Nigeria see the whole thing with him is he has some money that he kind of came into but he can't keep it himself so what did

master 18 so how was everyone's Sunday oh god What did Master 18 Elimita So how was everyone's Sunday Oh god Horrible I mean keep going I want someone to cuddle with Someone who can handle me and sense if my moods change Someone who can make me laugh my ass off

One of the most important parts Somebody can help me control myself I want the lifestyle, master. Not some shit on the weekends. Not solely revolving around sex. A real relationship that is about the trust and bond that two human beings can share together.

I have had truma in my life. Raped several times. As a result, I was diagnosed with PSTD. Anxiety disorder. And quite possibly, I'm bipolar. If you don't know what that is, you should either look it up or don't bother replying. Only people with psychology degrees. So I'm very paranoid about men who just want to fuck me.

I don't trust men. Something that needs to be fixed. I don't trust men. Something that needs to be fixed. As a result, I am a crazy, impulsive, open, understanding, cherishing, ingenuous, survival, hilarious, why, demagogic, adorable, charming, drought, addicting personality, very, rather, seducing, adventurous, energetic, sometimes brutal, up and down mate. I'm sure there's more adjectives I just can't think of them all No I think you've used every adjective

Really this girl's 18 I couldn't tell I play a game called Second Life Oh really It's a drug. I have many problems wrong with me. I need someone who will listen and will help me with these problems I have.

I am 18, live in Alameda, 5'4", 160. Like I said, I have many problems. Losing weight will be one of the first things I must work on. I am willing to relocate if you can show me that you can support yourself. I prefer a live-in situation. That would help me the most. Going to

College of Alameda for spring semester, I don't do much else than play this horrible, addictive game. I ask that you be reasonably drug-free. Smoke trees and drinking is fine. Have a place of your own. Have control over your own life so you can help me with mines.

I ask that you between the ages of 18 to 26. She lives in an actual literal minefield. No exceptions! There is much more I want to say, but I cannot put it all in one ad. If you are interested in helping a broken girl please feel free to help email me I will know that you have read

this if the subject says that's what she said XD thank you for reading what is this Craigslist or repair site oh my god I didn't even notice there were pictures I am a crazy, psychotic woman. Can I live with you?

Yeah. Yes. All I do is play Second Life. Date me. Date me. I found one that's in rhyme. Ooh, alright. It's not really very interesting or good. It's just in rhyme. Ooh, alright. It's not really very interesting or good.

It's just in rhyme. Okay. I guess I could read it, but... You know, I think... We can edit it out if it's no fun, but I think the fact that it's in rhyme makes it good enough. It's horrible personals and horrible poetry.

Plus then you can add a beat to the end and we can make this into a musical. Post the link for some. Oklahoma where the wind comes sweeping. So this one's called It's Mom's Turn. 54 in North Bay. Well, the kids are grown and out on their own. No pets or roommates.

I live alone. Been out of a relationship for a while, you see. Starting to get lonely for companionship for me. A man of kindness, gentle and true. Ages 50 to 60 are the ones I pursue. Someone who enjoys life day by day. Please be unattached in every which way. Please send a pic with your

reply and see where it goes for you and I. Boy! Yeah! Yeah, Boy! Oh, wow. I'm only going out with her if she talks like that at all times. Sports-loving

Sports-loving BBW looking for LTR 43. I recently moved back to Mountain View after living in Idaho for the past four years. I am a 43-year-old divorced mother of three, 21, 18, and 9 years. I'm crying mother of two, 10 months and two years. Just the youngest of my children is still at home, so we want someone who loves kids.

We're a package deal. loves kids, or a package deal. I'm a funny, outgoing, fun-loving woman who is looking for Mr. Right, not Mr. Right Now or Fred with Benefits Relationship. Sense of humor and a kind heart are more important to me than

looks or how much money you make, though it is nice to be pampered once in a while. I'm a huge sports fan and will watch pretty much anything, except maybe golf, though I'd love to learn to play. Love most music, mainly classic

rock. Eddie Money's my favorite, and yes, disco. Concert, movie, dancing, bowling, playing pool, though I'm not very good. Comedy clubs, long drives to nowhere in particular, the beach, especially half moon bay and pismo, art wine festivals, flame markets slash yard sales

slash antique stores, reading, snuggling up with my special someone on cold rainy days, preferably in front of a fire, don't have my beloved motorcycles, and enjoy just being with my family and friends, I'm looking for someone who loves children for obvious reasons. My supreme heart is honest, responsible, trustworthy, romantic, outgoing, social, friendly, won't tease me for being a die-hard Cubbies fan. Wait till next year.

Doesn't mind me cheering at the top of my lungs at concerts slash sporting events. Shares at least a few of my interests. Will be my hero and kill the spider for me. And we'll do little things to show he cares. A card of flowers once in a while, just for the heck of it, because I'll do the same. A sense of humor is a must. I love Lisa Lampanelli, the queen of me. The rot is okay with me.

I don't get embarrassed easily, but I know when to control. I know it's a lot to ask, but I'm determined to get it right this time. I am a BBW. Big, beautiful woman. I'm 5'10". I wear a size 24. That helps you to visualize. I'm working on it. 24 what, kilometers?

It's funny. You can get all this fabulousness. Besides, if you wait, I'm not feeling any wrinkles. LOL. Just want someone to take me as I am, because I will do the same for the right guy. That hurt my throat. Wow, I bet. It hurt my mind.

Eddie Money and Lisa Lampanelli? Yes, Eddie Money and Lisa Lampanelli. All right. Mask guy looking for fun tonight. 37. Call Heights. Single guy here. Easy going. Masculine.

Solid build. 6 quote 1. 220. Brown slash blue. Scruff or goatee. Mod hairy. Didiff neg er. Hog 7.5 uck thick, verse bitum oral top, depends on the mood and the other guy. What the fuck?

It's for fun with guys aged 20s to 40s, hickity-wicked propped, too muscular. Assertiveness, furry faces, and thick cocks are hot. What? Open hookups, fibs, dating if vibe is right. Prefer white, Latin, black verse tops. Poster travel. Please at least have a face pic when contact me.

Thanks. What? I lost the plot. I got it. Please at least have a face pic when contact me. Thanks. I wonder if we could translate that in English.

I've got the translation for you right here. God damn it, I want cock! See, you said masked guy. I didn't know that was short for masculine. I thought maybe he was Batman. It's M-A-S-C. No period. He did not abbreviate it.

He's looking for a mask. It's a masked guy. Look at his picture. It may be Musk Guy. If he ain't bathed in a day, I bet. So, Stog, look at that last one I just linked there. I think you'll know what to do with it. Hi, how was your day?

Smiley face. Not a spam! That pretty clearly says er day. Hi, how was your day? Er day. It's hard to do. You have to get into the mindset to intentionally read those things. Alright, alright.

Hi! How was Erday? Smiley face. Not a spam! Dirty. Hello, hello! Smiley face. I am looking for a good man who knows who knows how to treat women and even though it's getting cold still to want to go out for a walk?

Dipple things, play outdoor games, laugh, smile. Breathe. If you are silly, great, smiley face. I like to make new friends. It can be that if it's not meant to be, I can be a good, cool friend. I like honesty, mon monogamy any color mature I don't need but I need

to you to be able to support yourself exclamation point I like to travel comma amusement parks bowling comma pool comma comma what do you like please read my ad and if you like it and find things you like, then reply, don't go by the pic.

Thank you. I'm 30, and I would like to find a person around the same age or 36 max. I'll only answer if there's a pic of you attached. Thank you. Have a nice day. That was just, that really turned into a word salad right at the middle. Yeah, it was just sort of like, what the fuck? I like going to concerts.

Cream cheese. Monogamy. Black. White. Millennium hand and shrimp! Frankenstein computer god. I've got a really short one here groin kick

yeah do you want to do that groin kick m4w41 las cruces hi love a session with me receiving some kicking maybe some knee sounds stomping can host or go to ep around your schedule as well.

No looking for anything more. The X6, smiley face. I just picture someone walking in the door and like, hi. Thank you. Thank you for smashing my balls! Oh baby, that was a good knee-somb! This one isn't exactly somebody looking to date. $475, master bedroom, Talavera.

Hi, looking for a roommate. Master room is furnished, private bath, room for your kid. Utilities included. Kitchen, laundry car if needed, or parking garage if needed. Kick my groin, get a discount on rent. Any strong college women? Plus, happy holidays. Oh my god.

Oh god, that's the best. Kick my groin and get a discount. Dang! You gotta get, you know, figure out my motivation here. You've gotta spread your legs enough so that they can breathe. It's one, it's two sentences. The whole thing is two sentences. Oh Jesus, okay, so let me get my breath control going here.

I gotta sit properly. Looking to let number two bust nuts on er dick and her and my mouth. W4MW 22. Er house! Well, the title basically says it all. My B-Day is deck two and I'm looking to have a blast. I want to make my fantasy come true. I want to have a safe and fun threesome with a sexy couple.

I'm a slim thing, very pretty, nice perky tits, and a soft ass, and very good hygiene. Also a big freak, I want to get real nasty, but this must be very discreet. Am looking for a sexy couple between the ages of 25 to 45. Older PPL and no what they want. The female should have big breast, I love tits and pretty face. Clean shaven, I see the male nice size dick also shaven. And both parties must be DD-free, such as myself.

I'm not into wasting time, so please, or upon reply, send a face pic and a body pic. I will reply if interested with the same. I am looking to do this as soon as possible, please no games.

And if it's everything is what I thought it would be, we could make this a reg thing. Hope to hear from Usun. And I like the location after that. It usually says, like, Orlando or El Paso. It just says Ur-House. Ur-House. Wherever it is, I'm going there, baby.

In the middle of Her Street. That needed a backbeat. In the middle of Her Street. Look at two bustnuts and you're digging her in my mouth. That was pretty deep. It was kind of stream of consciousness, man. I'm really digging it. I love cats!

I like this one that Jim posted. Hooray, people are paying attention to me. Do you want to read it, or can I? Can I do this? Chat for an ad potion. Someone else should read it. Who was excited about that just now? Someone's really excited to read this.

I'm really excited to read this. Go for it, Boots. Human cat for ad potion. Friendly human cat for ad potion. I will crawl around your house and do cat-like

things in exchange for only cat food, water, a litter box, and occasional treats. Jesus Christ. Cat cats are more of a hassle than human cats. If you are looking to adopt a cat cat and have been researching the matter, you already know what I mean. Why would they click on that link then?

Well, I've been looking for a cat cat, but I was thinking maybe a human cat. I need something with less maintenance. There is less research to be done on human cats, so let a friendly little... Because this is very well-documented stuff. Well, there's a lot of study on human cats. Absolutely. Shit. So let a friendly little fellow into your house today and be one of the first to spearhead a fledgling community.

What? I will not speak or do anything human-like, only cat-like. I look out windows, become enthralled with small objects, run around the house in the middle of the night and make terrifying sound in the corner, nuzzle you with my head, etc. You must take care of me as you would a cat cat. Email me for details. Holy shit. That's fantastic. That's a winner right there.

I just hope somebody responded to that and they've got like a Dom sub fetish and they're into bestiality. It's like, alright, let's fuck this cat person. And it's like, oh, you really just act like a cat. Nothing else. There goes the rest of my day. You want to suck my cock.

I know you do. M48 Marietta. So, you want to suck my cock. That's a very good gesture. And definitely on the right track. I'm 6 feet three inches 196 pounds ddf muscular and athletic shape i didn't know receipt had job from someone that would consider

themselves very submissive if you like being on your knees and sucking a dick and you're able to take commands then you know your place, so let's get together. Oh, all right. I want you to leave your head on my stomach with your head and face turned towards my dick and your mouth wrapped around my dick while I feminize your mouth and feed you some cum. I want you to suck and suck like a submissive housewife.

I want to listen to you choking a little while I smile and slide it in deeper, deeper to give you more discomfort. I want you to suck slowly while it slides in and out of your mouth. The slow sucking will give you a lot more pre-cum to taste before the final blast. I don't want a wussy that complains after sucking for a while and says, I'm tired. I have a headache. My mouth is tired. Hogwash. You just suck. That's your job. Now listen. I'm assertive, but not aggressive. I'm a dumb, but not mean. I'm not into any kind of pain. Just pleasure and nothing gross. I expect you to be very submissive. You must love to keep your head and mouth close to my dick at all times while I

look down at you and smile at your desire and longing for the taste of my dick in your mouth and for the wonderful feeling it gives you to suck it. If you really don't know your place as a submissive, your head between my legs, then don't reply. If you're just trying the submissive thing, then don't reply. I want a real submissive little boy I can train to be my wife, trained in the proper ways of taking care of her man. Sucking. That's your place.

You must suck anything. I command you to suck. I'm not aggressive or an asshole. Now I want to emasculate you and make you my bitch. He sounds so romantic. He is. I'm furiously writing down notes here. This is a lot of detail. And the Twilight fans thought chivalry was dead.

All right. Uh-huh. I just want to use your mouth while I listen to you make sucking sounds. And using your tongue to wrap around my dick to taste and unlocking your lips around it to make sure it stays in your mouth where it belongs. Your job is to make sure it stays in your mouth. Your job is to make sure it stays in your mouth. Your job is to please your man. I'm only looking for someone that will suck until I come and then swallow. I will not re-sip the only part of your body I'll touch is the back of your head. This is all about me,

not about you. You will do as you are commanded. Whatever I want, from my dick to wherever I want, you will pleasure. You must suck till I come. No excuses. I this ad is not stimulating you, then you're not submissive. Don't respond. I want someone that I can feminize their mouth while my dick drips little drops of cum in your mouth and magnetize your mouth to my dick. I'd like to crazy glue your mouth to my dick. I have nothing to crazy glue your mouth to my dick. I'm sold. I have nothing to offer you but abuse.

It's sort of like that human centipede thing, but a little bit different. Okay, let's do the red line one, and then we'll do the one that Acier just posted, and then we'll end it there. Yay. Because I get the feeling we could go on forever here. We could be here until 1 in the morning.

Yeah. So anyway, fingered on the red line. I was just trying to think of some other suitable presentation. We really need the Quebecois. Fingered on the red line. The red line. Columbia University. W for them.

Hello. We were on the red local line line I got on at 14th Street you are already on the train I got off at Columbia University saw says around 5 p.m. it was very crowded and you were beyond me we talked awkwardly while you were still on my back, pushing to each other. I told you I hate being an undergrad. We connected, huh? You ate any dub fingering me while no one else was noticing. I didn't get your full email. If you see this,

let me know. I hope you do because I miss you, huh? Oh, man. Yeah, I can't believe they cut that from Beauty and the Beast. Oh man Yeah I can't believe they cut that from Beauty and the Beast Shit Shit By the way

Who did the royalty voice From last time I did Was that you Jack? That's Jack Chick Okay Jack I want you to read the one that starts with arrive there, that Boston one. Do you have the link for that up?

Also, he did kind of do his royalty voice today. I did already. Are you talking about arrive, perform, fellatio, depart? Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay. Even if you did it before, I want you to do it in that voice.

Understood. Oh, shit. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, shit. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, shit. That's absolutely right. Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

It's all in italics. You need to note on the podcast notes that it's all in italics because that's important, I think. It makes it classy, really. It really does. Anybody listening to this is encouraged to tilt their head to the side so they, you know, kind of get it. Oh, man. Are you guys done here? This is very serious. Yes. Sorry, Jack.

Sorry. I'm sorry. I've got performance anxiety. Jack is very method, guys. We need to give him more space. What's my motivation here? Your motivation's in the title. Oh, okay. Okay. Arrive! Perform, Felicio! Depart!

M for W-W. M for W. 45. Boston. Good lady! You are invited to stop by my place where you will be shown a warm, sensual bedroom. There,

in a position of your preference, you will be able to perform fellatio upon me. When you are finished, you will be welcomed to a glass of wine, or to go respectfully on your merry way. My member is of average

size and shape. It fits nicely in most women's mouths, giving them the moral gratification they seek. Do this for the adventure, curiosity, or

just plain fun, or any other reason you see fit. Enjoy this beautiful, warm November day. plain fun. Or any other reason you see fit. Enjoy this beautiful, warm November day. Gentlemen in Boston.

Bravo. Bravo. Bellissimo. Bellissimo. Gentlemen in Boston. Holy shit. Wow. Poor Brahman.

That's such a hard time getting laid anymore, apparently. That was incredible. You just can't do it like the gentleman in Boston can. And that was our podcast for this week. I'd like to say an extra thanks to all our readers. I'd also like to say thanks to Boots Reingear. Say hello, Boots. Hello, Boots. He's the one who's always doing the editing for us. He does a great job.

Also adds a little music selection. He's in the background making us all sound good. And if you want to submit anything messed up or funny or whatever to the F Plus Podcast, go to our site at thefpl.us. Thanks for listening. I'm losing the class of five I'm losing the class of five

Good evening and welcome to the Failing Grade Podcast. Awful things performed with gusto. My name is Boots Reingear, and with me is John. Hello. Yeah, so fuck that. I'll just leave it.