The F Plus - 100a: Episode 100 (Part One)

Episode Date: June 2, 2013

For the 100th Episode of The F Plus, we wanted to take a couple of hours exploring the internet's stupid and misguided history, tackling some subjects from many years ago that have stuck with us like a herpes sore. This is part one. Part two is here Ulilillia Really Likes Pizza, Some Colors, And Bubsy (and he has the math to prove it) David Gontermann Has An Unhealthy Conversation With An Underage Hedgehog JustinRPG Goes On A Talk Show To Explain His Love For Reshiram I Genuinely Have No Idea Why I Can't Get Laid, I Presume It Must Be A Conspiracy The Rat Porn Lady Is Going To Cast A Spell On You Yiff The Otter Let's Read Random Selections From Time Cube HI I'M CAROLE AND I HATE MY BODY Pinku Is Japanese For Pink

It's the F-Plus 100th episode spectacular, and we're making it an extravaganza with the greatest ska tribute bands of all time. You'll hear blazing hot ska music from such legendary artists as Gwen Sascani, Skokter Dre, Damn Skankies, Tess Ska, Red Skak Chili Peppers, The Brian Jonestown Maskaker, G.G. Scowlin, Screamin' J. Skockins. Jimmy. What? The Ska bands. I don't think they're going to be there.

What do you mean? What about Shikosko, Jefferson Skyship, Bruno Skars, Melinda Scarlyle? None of them. They're all not real, I found out yesterday. Elvis Costello? No. Aretha Skanklin? No, not even either of them, no.

ZZ Scott? No, not even Ztha Skanklin? No, not even either of them, no. ZZ Scott? No, not even ZZ Scott, because they don't exist. Well, what am I going to do now? I'm a one-note joke. This is kind of my thing. Well, let's listen to some classic internet instead then, I guess. Okay. Okay.

Okay. I love Reshiram. I love Reshiram. I am married to I love Together forever Together forever Together forever Together forever

Together forever Together forever Reshiram and Justin, together forever, together forever, together forever. I love Reshiram so much. Hey there, this is the F Plus Podcast, Terrible Things, Red With Enthusiasm. My name's Lemon. And I'm John. And welcome to our 100th episode. Woo! Yeah, 100 episodes.

Despite the fact that we put out, I don't know, about 150 MP3 files with all the extras. Yeah. And we have more than 100 episodes out, but we just skipped 100. Because we skipped 100 so that we could come back and release our 100th episode! When it comes between the actual counting and ceremony. Ceremony. Woo. No, I am super excited about this.

What do we got in store here, Lemon? This is going to be a bonanza. Oh, yes. We've got a lot of readers, a lot of material. of readers, a lot of material, and the general idea that we're having here is this is a tribute

to the internet of the past. Yes, so this is going to be pretty much like our F Plus Live readings. Everybody's either chosen or something's been given to them, a selection of something from the past, or just something so amazing fairly recently that it's just, you had to read it.

And everybody's got their own little section of the internet to read. And we've got, oh, some of the best stuff in here. Just classic stuff. This is some of the first stuff I saw where I was just like, oh man, this internet's crazy. I better look into this. And here we are. Yeah, we've got Time Cube. We've got To the Ranting Griffin, we've got Rat Porn Lady.

Oh, yes. I don't know if she has a name. Rat Porn Lady? I think it's Lady Minerva Nightshade. Okay. We've got Ulululululululululia. Oh, it actually is pronounced Ululululululia. Okay. I might not be getting enough lululas in there, but yes, that's how it's pronounced. There's a whole bunch more.

We are going to be hearing from Jack Chick, Isfahan, Bump Girl, Victor Laszlo, John himself, AC Rockawaddle, myself, Portax, Boots, Rain Gear, Stog, Nutshell Gulag, Bunny Bread, and Kumquat Zop. Yes, a cavalcade of internet reading stars here tonight on a very special spectacular. I don't think there's any more introduction necessary, so half of our readers, assemble! In the room tonight we have Bump Girl. Welcome to America, have a Bible fart! Oops, sorry God.

Hey, Sierra Coatl. This is all Fisker meat beef. My butter maker is broke. I need backup very fast. Jack Chick! Oh, look who is here! Suit Penis! Yes, Fahan? Do you like to dance party, Fatty? Yes, but I am too fat some days. Then romance begins for ham. John Toast! Look, I am bigger than

England, fart. Portex? Ta-da! Someone did capture a whole net of butter. Who is the mystery butter hunter? Victor Laszlo. Say goodbye to your hope of life at the most speed in the world. There is

no escape from Hot Rod Beef Squad! And Lemon. You can tell they are retarded because they put the party hats on the dogs. I love Reshiram. I love Reshiram. I love Reshiram. I will ride

more Chris to Reshiram. We love each other. Love each other. Love each other. Love each other. Love each other. Love each other. Love each other.

Love each other. Love each other. Sing with me, Reshiram. Okay. Jack Chick. Jack Chick, start us off here. What do you have? Alright, guys.

What I'm going to be reading is my personal favorite internet thing, which is a gentleman named Ululili who put together a very complicated website and makes a lot of YouTube videos. I highly recommend going to his YouTube channel and watching all of his videos.

He's busy. He's working as a game developer, channel and watching all of his videos. He's busy. He's working as a game developer, so he's currently developing a game. He's talking you through all that. So, you know, his process and thought process of how he's doing it. So I'm going to start off by talking about section 2.1.1 of his website, which is

how to read the website. Excellent. I've had to go through, you have to go through four links to get there, just FYI. You gotta earn this website. So you have to click four times to learn how to use the website?

Yes. Okay. By the time you beat this boss, you're too strong to need anything. It drops on you. All right. How to read website, section 2.1.1. My website consists of four parts on all pages.

Some areas have more than four, but these four are common on all pages. At the very top is an image, usually of no importance. The image is of importance when it is referenced to from within the main document you're reading. Not all pages have an image, but most do. Below the image is always a question or a statement which basically tells of the current content of the page in a

logline sort of way. In the pages since about late 2006, any updates to the page are listed above with the bigger updates, higher levels being above everything. Also, each update has a level from 0 to 10 about

how severe the update was. Background information. I think he needs a color scale, severity of update. That comes later. The last updated one is reserved for massive updates, levels 8 and higher, where roughly half of the document is modified. Levels 0 through 2 are very small updates and aren't really worth going over the page. 3 through 5 are moderate sized and rereading the area has changed is somewhat worth it.

Levels 6 and 7 are large updates to a good chunk of the page and would be worth rereading. are large updates to a good chunk of the page and would be worth rereading. Levels 8 through 10 are massive updates where the document has undergone a major rewrite, sometimes a complete rewrite from scratch, which would be a level 10 update. Or awesome content was changed and is definitely worth rereading the entire document.

My site's main FAQ explains this in greater detail and the approximate change. Oh my goodness. The sphere grid for this website is really confusing. FAQ explains this in greater detail and the approximate grid change. Oh my goodness. The sphere grid for this website is really confusing. Moving on to section 3.2. This is an example of the design of a category index or the sitemap. It's quite straightforward.

We'll use X to denote the category, an imaginary one. X category, X index. X.1, a category within this category. X.1 X.1 a category within this category. X.1.1 first report within this category having multiple pages. X.1.1.1 first page of first report.

X.1.1.1 section of the first page of the first report. And of course X.1.1-1.1.1 section 1.1 the first page of the first report. That just sounds like a distress signal.

As though I wouldn't, you know, I've been making websites for a couple years. Like, if I saw x.1.1-1.1 like, I fucking know what that means. Yeah. He's just teaching us how outlines work at this point. We're going to move on here and talk a little bit about his favorites. So, first off, we're going to define the favorites.

Okay? Now, the favorites page was last updated May 30th, 2007 at 3.07pm, which was a level 10 update. Holy shit. Okay. All right. This is worth reading. Now, here are the definitions for the favorites, which I actually need to cover, or otherwise

you won't understand what the hell I'm talking about. These are my favorites for within each of 34 categories. The numbers in parentheses indicate compatibility, and there is a star to a footnote, which we will not be covering. Do note that there is a 10% logarithmic margin of error at best for these and 20% is typical for favorites and dislikes however it's the other way around where

10% is the most common items with a tilde before it indicate that the item has a 20% logarithmic margin of error instead a rating of 30 for example it could mean it's somewhere from 27.3 to 33. For the tilde 30, it'd be coming from 25 to 36. In general, multiply and divide the number given by 1.1 or 1.2 for the tilde to find the range. So he works for Pitchfork. I think he'd standardize Pitchfork quite thoroughly. Okay, so what are your favorites and dislikes?

Yeah. Well, so, like, let's cover something very basic, right? I like to, some people may know this, I used to work in food. So, food is a meal, okay? Like, pizza, rating of 180, tops my list and is about the only thing I eat. Cheese pizza is about the only type I eat. Cheese pizza is about the only type I eat. Oh my god! Hamburger Helper is at a very distant second. Tilde 20.

When I shit, it is an emergency. It's this monstrous offset that causes me to have little interest in anything else. That could be as high as a 24 if I've got this math right. I like the picture after he wrote the thing about Hamburger Helper he just yelled down the stairs, you hear that, mom?

Tilde 20. Stop it. Disliked. Meat. Negative 150. There's nothing... Tilde. No, no, no. Just negative 150. There's nothing less liked than meat. Any kind of meat. I haven't had a single piece of meat in

about two years Other things include Things that look rather scary Like a pineapple or a turkey So he just likes the helper part of Hamburger Helper He just likes noodles Yeah Exactly

Alright What about his favorite color? Like greens and pure hues. The color 40C000 is my top favorite color at around total to 30. I usually don't have much of a preference to colors, but pure hues and medium greens are the highest. That's not a pure hue at all. That's a dislike.

That's a muted green. Dislikes. Dislikes. Dislikes. Anything highly gray or very bright. The color 709060. And I'm assuming you all just know the hex codes for these, right? I do. Well, now I do.

Okay, cool. Is a much more gray version of my top favorite color, tilde minus 15 at worst. Three quarter gray, 808080. And one quarter, the actual favorite color gives the results. Anything with a brightness of at least 192 is also disliked. That is, if the color appears to be as bright, that is,

if the color appears to be as bright or brighter than the color C zero, C zero, C zero, then there's a good chance. I won't like the color appears to be as bright or brighter than the color C0C0C0, then there's a good chance I won't like the color. Good to know. Now, I'm going to bypass a lot of them because, you know, he talks about like he doesn't really watch movies, but he makes sure to list his favorites anyways. Number 32, his favorite error on a calculator.

He prefers stack overflow with compatibility 15. Number overflow when the exponent or number is too big for the calculator to handle. And that's about an 8. Square root of a negative number, 7. Division by 0, 6. And the tangent of 90 degrees, 6. My top four favorites. The only things on the list.

I like to think that number 8 is actually just a smiley. Dislikes. I have no dislikes here with negative 1.2 being the lowest. Okay. Sure. Finally, we'll go into file extension or file type.

Ooh. All right. Dot SWF. Come on. Let's put some money on this. .bmp is number one at 80. Terrible. Damn it. .tga at 50.

Oh, my God. .bat at 50. All right. He really likes auto-running DOS files, I guess. I like, yeah. Batch files are fun to write. .txt is only around a tilde 20.

It's not really that good. And WAV files are like tilde 18. I mean, who really cares, right? Yeah. And his dislikes. Nothing in particular is disliked, except if I can't open it. And in the case of Flash SWF, create it. God damn it!

Wait, so does that mean that does that mean like AutoCAD, you can create AutoCAD files? Probably. So I also have his I also have his favorite letters of the alphabet picked out, but

you should go read those yourself. We're going to move on to him talking about music. Okay. Good. Yeah. Good. Good lord. All right.

So, at times during my elementary school years, I went to music class, although I don't recall the details that well. There were several things I recall well. Learning music notation, and he describes stuff he learned. How to sing lyrics, the four types of instrument,

which he has string, wind, and probably percussion are the only three I recall, with the third having 70% certainty. The other things you may expect, one thing involved playing a simple instrument, a recorder, I believe it's called, with 95% certainty. I very vaguely recall the details,

but they often were a very light grayish-yellow in color, something like E0, E0, D0. Okay, so slightly more red and green than blue. One song involved a cat that died and got revived. At the time, I was heavily involved. So skipping on, he talks about basically he has this very unique way of listening to music, what he does, and so he

describes the origin of that. At the time, I was heavily involved with the Sega Genesis game Bubsy in Claws and Counters of the Third Kind. A modern day classic. Like we all were. Now, I don't recall whether it was Desert Zone or Out Where the Lake Is as being the first song I recorded,

but for high certainty, it was one of those two. The third most likely candidate is Sluminda from Zellyard's Final Cavern series, the ones after the fire caverns. Desert Zone, at the time, was my top favorite song, and I once filled an entire 90-minute cassette with nothing but loops from this song. Wow. I made of mixtape. Nice. Well, it's not really mixtape. Now, going any further, going any further to talk about the music, we actually need to take a detour

and talk about the status system. By using this system, it is much easier to understand. The math is much faster to process, and it led to two very useful discoveries. One of which is that if the compatibility is doubled, you can stay in it for at most four times longer. This seems to be the case with

me and music, and I even predicted something that seems rather crazy with remarkable accuracy. On my MP3 player, I made a prediction that I'll make it just over 100 days straight at the maximum from the same source when I was only 60 days in. And to explain, when he says source, what he does is he takes music from video games

and plays it back at different speeds. Like, you know, he'll slow it down by 20% and play it back, and then he'll make enormous loops of different of these speeds. And he considers the original song or work to be the source, and then everything else is different loops of it. It's not the same song. It's not the Bubsy theme song. It's a slower Bubsy theme song.

Bubsy theme song X dot 1 dash 1 dash 1 dash 1 plus 50. Yeah, so when he was 60 days into listening to a source, he discovered that he would actually make, by calculating off of his system of compatibility, he was able to determine

that he would make it about 100 days listening to a set of loops from the same source, and he ended up making it for 107 days, as in he listened to nothing else but that track at different speeds for 107 days straight. Yay! Okay, so I'm assuming, I mean, I'm sure the music from Bubsy is totally great. Oh, wait, actually, hang on. Hang on.

I have it in here somewhere. It's really good. Hang on. I have it in here somewhere. Yeah, here we go. Mozart. Fucking Bubsy's in town. So here we go.

That's actually a video from him playing through Bubsy. The game, I think, takes about a half an hour for most people to play. This is two and a half hours of video that he split into 17 parts. Part 11 of 17. So he also goes through, he's given stats for, RPG stats, for how people would interact with things in real life. So I'm going to divert to that real quick

and just mention strength, which is abbreviated to SDR. Everything has its own SDR three letter acronym is how much you can lift in tenths of a kilogram. Then we have ACY is accuracy, accuracy of throwing objects in a non-moving target, one meter in diameter from ten meters away measured in parts per thousand,

often involving the symbol percent, where 1,000% or higher is perfect accuracy, assuming no evasion, the target doesn't move. Okay. Magic, which is your power of using special abilities, especially spells, maxes out at 999,999,999 due to the risk of failure reaching zero at this point due to the formula.

Does Ulilia know magicians then? Apparently. Let me see here. Then we have SP, which is spell power. That's the amount of energy available for use of special abilities, especially spell. One unit of spell power is 2 gigajoules of energy, or about 555 and 5 ninths kilowatt hours. Oh my god. In case you were curious.

Yeah, and then, you know, there's also, of course, level, which is your overall level or how much experience you have. You gain levels by gaining experience. Makes sense. Makes sense. That makes sense. Yeah. So going back to the music thing, now that we've explained the compatibility a little bit, we can talk about sample rates, right? So he recorded any sample rate to 50,000 since WinDAT wouldn't let him go any higher. I could play back at any

integerical sample rate. That in turn allows for thousands of speeds. In fact, I now know that the way of file format in the area that I used to change the actual number of available speeds is 4,294,967,296. However, sound cards are seemingly limited to about 4 million at the very highest. It plays back just fine. It's like, come on, technology. Which is 80 times true speed.

But it doesn't play back at 4,100,000 or 82 times true speed, showing an error that there's not enough memory. And finally, just a description of Ululelia

playing through a full game of Bubsy in Claws Encounter of the Third Kind. This is just the description. A full game of Bubsy in Claws Encounters of the Third Kind, Sega Genesis version, is played. Although I have roughly 4,000 hours

playtime for this particular game. Oh, shit! I remember seeing that before. Almost all of that is spent playing around rather than playing the actual game in a normal way. One major thing I

enjoy is the fact that some enemies, when gliding upon landing on them, allow for extreme height and great speed due to speed falling. While I'd normally pause the game a lot to perform these stunts, I avoid avoided as much as possible. The few times it does happen are purely accidental.

Despite not pausing the game frequently, I rack up tons of lives during the first nine levels, then remain about the same in the 60s throughout the other seven levels. There's a class 6 severe bug where if you pass something around 79 to 80 lives, the game essentially resets.

You have no score, 9 lives, and start at the beginning of the level. Because some of the levels are of little interest, I have more difficulties with these. The most familiar levels are 1, all. 2, first 1200px. 4, first 75%. 7, all. 8, all. 10, first 80% especially.

11, somewhat. And 13, first 80%. For the unfamiliar areas, I'm more prone to making mistakes and thus losing lives. The producers of this game would have gotten wind of Lillia by now, right? One would hope. Do you think that the producers of Bubsy feel somewhat responsible, or are they proud?

I don't think the producers of Bubsy are still doing anything, so I'm sure they don't know. Accolade has not been around for years. Maybe because of this man. They might have an old laptop in their cardboard box that's jacking some Starbucks Wi-Fi. Maybe they've seen one of his

videos. Now, the thing is the same cannot necessarily be said of Sega, as I know that Yulia has a really, really massive video about climbing into one level of Sonic & Knuckles and just going higher and higher and higher

until the background glitches out for about 30 minutes. So, you can ask them, I guess. He does all of that and still fucks all those girls, right? She gets laid all the time? I don't think he has any human contact.

Does he have a rating system for the girls, too? Because that would be... That blowjob was a 3.5. At a tilde 20, only. Yeah, I guess that blowjob was a 3.5. And it's still a 20. Yeah. Yes. All right, Isfahan, what do you have for us?

All right, I've got a, you know, kind of an underground indie artist on the internet. He's been around since like the early 90s. Okay, great. 94, 95 is when he really started getting into notoriety. His name is David Gaunterman. Oh, yeah. Oh, shit. And he is, for those of us who have been around the internet a while, he is a fixture, for better or for worse.

He is a terrible artist. He is a fixture, for better or for worse. He is a terrible artist. He is a terrible writer. And he's actually not that good of a human being, either. Wait, Isfahan, would you be referring to Davy Kent's Foxfire? Well, yes, I could be. And if you call right now, there's gotta be

a better way to read this fanfic. I have, to illustrate just how much now people know he's a bad artist or whatever, but this fanfic. I have to illustrate just how much... Now, people know he's a bad artist or whatever, but this audio podcast. So, to illustrate just how creepy he can be, I've made a very careful selection here

for reading. Foxfire Studios presents a Sonic the Hedgehog, Sonia, and Da Fox special. Let me just link it here. A Time of Honesty by David Gonterman A Sonic the Hedgehog, Sonia and Da Fox special. Let me just link it here. Yikes. Okay. A Time of Honesty by David Gontraman.

And the prompting for this one was David Gontraman had an online, quote-unquote, online relationship, meaning he probably just typed a bunch of creepy shit, to a girl who was 10 years younger than him. I think it was 95. And at that time, the girl in question to be 10 years younger than him would have been in her teens. Oh, okay. I dedicate, and just as a slap in the face, here's the dedication. I dedicate this short episode to the parents of Emily Smith,

who cared enough for their daughter to be concerned about her cyberspace love life, a true sign of good parents. Oh, dear. I dedicate this to the parents who had the smarts to be scared of me. Yes, I dedicate this to the parents who told her that dating me is not a good idea. And yeah, I'm glad you pointed out the time frame, because when you said 10 years younger with Gonterman, that could have just meant in the mid-20s. Yeah. Because, God, he's got to be, anyway, he's got to be like in his late 40s by now. Exactly. And he's still out there, folks.

He's still available, too. I'm sure. Davy Crockett and Sonia Hedgehog were lying on a hill watching the clouds when Sonia, out of the blue, asked Davy if she can ask a personal question. So that's like a double ask. Oh, by the way, Davy Crockett, for those who don't know, is a self-insert, and he always, always, always, 100% of the time has a self-insert in anything he does. Takes on different forms, but usually it's pretty transparent. That depends. David, I don't know how to say it.

Do you think we're too forward? Forward? What makes you say that, Sonia? I mean, when we're close, and when we're kissing for hours, and I unbutton your shirt and rub my cheek into your chest. Oh, a pause. I don't think so. Not on my standards. Why you ask? Well,

it's about last month, when you were crying in bed all week after you knew who your dad was. That I believe. I was with you an awful lot. People were thinking that we were. Suni,

I was in shock over the fact that Robotnik's my dad. Sure, I was in the mood. Hello, son! Get out of the house! Sure, I was in the mood. And monkeys fly out of my tail.

Besides, we had our clothes on. I know. It's probably... nothing. No, it's not. I consider sex to be a very difficult subject to discuss, to understand. It needs to be confronted. When will the sexual scourge be over?

But with extreme care, lest someone gets hurt. I say this from experience being in my mid-twenties and done my homework on such things. Now, again, David makes no distinction between himself and his self-insert, so if he wrote this, then he was in his mid-twenties. Really? Yes. I take it that these people, incorrect semicolon, I guess Uncle Chuck's

one, he mentioned it to me. He's one of the people that were concerned about me. I know. I'm glad that he did. Shows he cares. I merely told him that it's just not my style To take advantage of a person sexually

It's not my style to rape people It's not my style This rape is cramping my style I hope that I prove worthy of his trust Could you imagine this guy like showing up Hello I'd like to date your daughter I'm sure you will It's just that

I'm a you will. It's just that I'm a little afraid when I turn into Phoenix now. Which is a reference to some other crap he wrote. Especially with you, I see you through her eyes and I feel like jumping out of my skin. It's just that I

want to... Shh! That's just your puberty talking. Oh. Ah. Oh. Shut up, puberty. You're always embarrassing me. Gosh.

Hang on. Hang the fuck on. I need to start drinking. That happens naturally when you grow up. So he's giving the talk to this person he's dating. That's good. Hang on, hang on, let me get my notes. When a man and a woman...

If you want to get technical, call it a sex drive. You can't get rid of it, but you can, and must, control it, lest you're hurt someone with it. Perfect. I know. I don't want to hurt you. I can sense, from your thoughts, that you feel the same way. I do.

Yeah. I, too, am a bit scared over this subject, and it's not because of our ten-year age difference. In the planet where I came too, am a bit scared over this subject, and it's not because of our ten-year age difference. Uh-huh. In the planet where I came from, capital S sex was used way too casually. I wanted it to be special.

He's one of those. For the one I'll be married to. I'm afraid that I'll... that I'll won't be able to have my wish. He's afraid that he's going to have to have sex before he's married? Yeah, this is in He has no control over it. So in all of his reasons not to have sex

I was hoping that the fact that she's a hedgehog would come up, but I was hoping for two. She's a teenage hedgehog in puberty. The two didn't talk much after that. They just returned to their cloud watching. In their hearts, both felt a weight lift from their shoulders. They were glad they have this talk.

Like Davey said, it needed to be discussed and discussed with someone who cares. Like Uncle Chuck. So it's a be discussed and discussed with someone who cares. Like Uncle Chuck. So, since it's a fictional character, that means nobody cares. I mean, I don't understand why they wouldn't have this conversation with Dr. Robotnik. Why doesn't the FBI care? They do. Like Uncle Chuck, who hobbled with his cane as he passed the two. How are you, lovebirds, doing?

We're doing just fine, Uncle, said somebody, I don't know who. It doesn't matter. Couldn't help but hear what you two were talking about. Like you said, David, you need to take it with care. When I was a worker, bud, I have seen your father

get into orgies with a whole harem of robotic... Pleasure dolls, Chuck? Don't tell me my father's a pervert. Well, when you desire the fair sex for one thing and one thing only, you might end up doing the same things Robotnik did at night. I don't want to repeat the stuff he did. Then don't, please. Some of us don't want to know. Chuck smiled.

I take it you get a lot of that on your world. I get too much of that on my world. You'd have another heart attack if I told you the stuff Earthlings do, and I don't want that to happen, do I? Chuck holds his hands in front. I'll take your word for it, sonny. With honesty, I'm... But honesty, I'm glad that you're not like that. You respect her too much.

I know that. Like you said, I'm just concerned like any good parent. I hope I proved myself worthy of your trust, Uncle Chuck. Thank you, Chuck said as he left. They didn't speak much afterward again. So they stopped talking and then they don't talk.

They said what needed to say. They said what needed to say as they watched the sunset over the skyline of Rowo-tropless, knowing that one day it will set on a reborn Mobo-tropless with a tall castle where King Sonic and Queen Sally dwells. Tent shift. And Suni and Davy lives the rest of their days in peace, their arms moved into each

other. They pulled themselves close and kissed. They weren't afraid anymore. I'm afraid. My arm's taking residence in her arm. Apparently this was written in 1995. It's the worst episode of Hunky Brewster ever.

This has been Davy Duff protest too much. It's a hedgehog comedy. Oh, I don't care anything about that. This happens in all of his stories where the self-insert will just get back-padded by every other character. Oh, you're such a good person. Everything you say really makes sense and is valid. And you're so wise. Your DeviantArt page is not terrible at all.

Hey, Bump Girl. Before we go, for the listeners, though, I'd just like to point out Isfahan didn't cut that off. That's the entire fanfic. Just wanted to point that out. Yeah, it comes to a conclusion. Yeah, I mean, I feel passion and excitement. Clouds.

Bump Girl! The next longest one was way too long. You heard your name because I heard you had something for us. What do you have for us? It's a nice segue from that thing. Oh, good. It's more of that? Commitment. It's about commitment. Okay. Run for the hills, guys!

Other people will probably be far more familiar with this than I am, and I'm perfectly happy with that. Poor Tax, I'm gonna admit, helped me out finding this piece. But I asked for something fan fiction-y, and this is what I got. More than just fan fiction. It's about true love.

It's a way of life. Okay. This is by a young man who has some very intense views that some of you may disagree with. He goes by a number of names, and he actually doesn't seem to care that he uses all of his real names, so I'm just going to say them because he's all over the internet. This guy is called JustinRPG, and he's written us a story

about how his life is, should be, will be, was, all of the above. It's called Married Reshiram Interview. Oh, this guy! This is the dude that's married to Reshiram! Okay, good.

Wait a minute, you mean married to Reshiram the Pokemon? Yes, he made a song. Do not all of our listeners know that there's this thing called Pokemon, and that Reshiram is a Pokemon. If you don't know a lot that Reshiram is a Pokemon. If you don't know a lot about Reshiram, don't worry.

This is a very in-depth interview and you're going to learn. All right. Take it. Yeah, I had no idea what the hell any of this was. Yeah. Okay. Okay, so.

The radio announcer speaks. Next up, we are going to talk to a man who married a Pokemon. Yes, really. We will be back after a word from our sponsors. No, not really. Good. I always like to start the story with a commercial break.

It's perfect. Yeah, so... Okay, oh, the commercial break's over. The radio announcer continues. Welcome back to Pokemon Alternative 99.7 FM. In the studio, we have a man named Justin Coolidge, who said, I do. With a Reshiram.

Is this right, Justin? Justin responds, Yes, I did marry a Reshiram. In fact, our love is strong. The announcer asks, What is it like being married to a fire-type Pokemon? That's his follow-up question. There's those details, dear listeners.

You didn't know the question was fire-type? It's a very open-minded sort of interview. Oh, you wanted to know, but were afraid to ask. So you married a giant eternal white dragon. I'm more concerned with what type it is. It's fire-type. However, don't worry. It's not weird that he married a Pokemon.

It's weird that he married a fire type. Oh. Justin responds, I cannot count the amount of times I was asked that very same question. Well, anyway, I don't really think... Oh, wait, no, that sentence goes on. Well, anyway, I don't really think it is any different than a typical marriage. Right.

Aside from my Reshiram wife can keep me warm in winter. I hate cold temperatures. Human wives can't do that. No, see? This is very humanist. No, they just nag a lot. That's what I hear they do. Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop.

The announcer's concerned there's some prejudice going on here and says, Is this the only reason why you married a Reshiram? Asked the announcer. You don't find too many Pokemon human marriages. There is got to be some reason. Asked the announcer. I have guesses. Justin responds,

No! I love Reshiram and she loves me. It is more just her keeping me warm. It's true love. See, I told you. This is about commitment. I feel that. He's winning me over. If you're not sure, you love your Pokemon wife, don't you?

asked the announcer. Even though she is a Pokemon? Yes, I do. Love is love. It doesn't matter if one is a human The other is a Pokemon As long as you love each other Justin replied So being married to a legendary Pokemon Not to mention she is a lot bigger than you

And a lot more powerful too Does it make living life And activities harder to do together Asked the announcer I think you just called your wife fat Like yeah really harder to do together? Asked the announcer. I think you just called your wife fat. Like, yeah, really, really, like, yeah. No, actually, it makes it more interesting, actually.

Especially the lovemaking. Oh, dear. Oh, boy. Oh, just as we were all hoping it was platonic. Fire in the hole. Oh, dear. Wait a minute. I love you, Victor. That was amazing.

As for Reshiram being so powerful, she is overly protective of me and I like it, Justin answered. She totally beats up the other guys at school. Oedipus, what's that? Ready for the plot twist? Yep. The radio station phone rings, and the announcer's assistant answers it.

Okay. Justin's wife, Reshiram, is at the other end of the line. Yay! Cool! Yay. Uh-oh. She says, rawr! I think some shit's about to go down.

I'm hoping Rush and Wrong explains the marriage, and she thinks she's explaining it really well, but on the other end it just sounds like, Rush and Wrong, Rush and Wrong. This may be written before something. Long-time listener, first-time caller, I just wanted to say, I do not exist. Sorry. Hey, Corey, the announcer's name. This is Justin's wife, Reshiram.

Yeah, we love each other lots, and I protect him with dear life. I have been listening to your conversation with my husband. As you said, I am a powerful legendary Pokemon, in case we forgot, and that is why I protect him. 80% of Pokemon are liable to take a human down in one attack, so I am overly protective of him, Justin's wife

Rastoram explains. So, that's what Portax wanted, right? So, it was explained. The word explained was used. But, uh, that's right, Justin says. It is a dangerous world out there with lots of powerful Pokemon. The announcer asks, how did you two meet?

Oh, dear. Oh, I guess this is my show. We met when my foot was trapped in a trap, and Justin freed me. A legendary Pokemon with amazing powers caught in a bear trap. Whoops. Caught in a bear trap. Is it a pleasure? Bear trap now.

I never left his side since. Our relationship just grew and grew until it became love. Thankfully, Pokemon human marriage is legal in our area, Reshiram explained. Liberals! In our state. Seriously. That's why no one should go to Vermont. When is the rest of the world

going to catch up with Kanto? Yeah, really. This is Adam and Evichu, not Adam and Pete. Oh, show. Coming across like a giant dragon hanging upside down from a tree, like eating a sandwich. And like a little net and stuff. Yeah.

Justin adds, It was like we were meant for each other. Every day and every minute we just clicked. I wonder if Arceus had that trap thing happen for a reason. I was wondering that myself. You see, announcer? Reshiram has apparently forgotten Cory's name. It is things like this that proves we are meant to be, Reshiram stated.

Starts to sound like white slavery at this point. Literally. Totally amazing, the announcer said loudly. I have never heard of human-Pokemon marriage that was meant to be. All the ones I've heard of were shams. Now you have, Reshiram and Justin said at the same time. Again, Justin and Reshiram start talking at the same time. Go ahead, Reshiram, Justin says.

Oh, that's so cute. Reshiram continues. See how Oh, that's so cute. Reshiram continues. See how we said that at the same time? Another example. You are seeing examples just on this radio interview you are having with Justin. You have to be convinced by now. So this is all a true story, right? I mean, how could it be false?

You can't make stuff like this up. That's true. That's true. It's too crazy to make up. People lying on the internet is like a compatibility rating of negative 500. But is that tilde 500? No, it's an exact. It's a hard 500, yeah.

The plus minus variable ratio there is only about 1.1 instead of 1.2. It's a huge difference. Also, RushRam is 10 years younger than him. By the end of this episode, this is all just going to be the same story. It's just one insane person.

I've suspected that, that the internet is just all the same one crazy guy who's just fucking really prolific. Well, just in case anyone was under undue amounts of stress, he has an answer to whether or not he's convinced. I am!

I am impressed. Human-Pokemon marriages do work, Justin says. Yes, they do. You are 100% Justin, Reshermam adds. 100% Justin. You are 100% Justin, Reshiram adds. 100% Justin. You are more in love in your Pokemon human marriage than some of those human-human traditional marriages.

Are you announcing that? Exactly, Reshiram and Justin says at the same time. The announcer says, I guess another example. You two just said that at the same time again. Holy cow! Foxy! We love each other, they both say at the same time again.

See, there's another example. We're so close. We finished each other's... Sandwiches? Okay, I know for a fact now that it is meant to be. You know each other like a book, the announcer says.

Well, that's all the time we have right now. That doesn't make any sense. That's a phrase people say, asshole. How do humans talk again? Humans talk weird.

That is weird. Well, that's all the time we have right now Thank you for listening to Pokemon Alternative 99.7 And let's all thank Justin and Reshiram For this interview Now why wasn't this on the Pokemon Mainstream Wait hang on But that's not the end There's one more thing

After the whole radio show is over And the ratings were in, the interview gets high ratings. Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay!

Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay!

Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay!

Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay!

Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay!

Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay!

Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay!

Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! In fairness, we all just heard it. P.S. The story is really good. Hey, Victor!

Hi. How you doing? I feel like people have been reading stuff that's kind of weird and, I don't know, unsavory. Are you going to change that? No. Okay. Okay, what are you going to read instead? She is the best policy.

I'm going to tell you about how my parents are criminals who deserve to be put in jail or killed. Okay, okay. I guess, I mean, yeah, it's just about picking the time and the place. This is a time and a place, so there you go. My name is Governments Get Girlfriends, and I have strong opinions. Well then, welcome to the internet! I will describe their horrible crimes. Number one,

for almost ten years, they're refusing to help me find a girlfriend, thus causing unimaginable pain and damage to me. What? There are numerous ways in which they could help me, like introducing me to daughters of their coworkers. Holy shit!

Oh my god! But they did not do so because they're murderous idiots who live in the 70s slash 80s and think it's easy to find a girlfriend if you want one. Those monsters. They're simply murdering their child using the following mechanism.

So number one, I am left without a girlfriend slash sex. Number two, which makes me unable to fulfill my basic needs. Number three, which makes me depressed and hopeless. I agree. Number four, which

destroys my will to live. Five, which makes me suicidal. In this case, that sounds like a good thing. Okay, so that was point 5. What comes next? Next is point 2. That was a sub-list. They're refusing to co-sign my appeals to government and various institutions for over 5 years because they fail to see it's the only way thus weakening their impact.

It doesn't go into detail on what these appeals are about. Also, if they consign, then they're legally liable. The government needs to assign me a girlfriend. Well, governments get girlfriends, so they should give some away. There's a girlfriend surplus this year.

Number three, my mother, the murderous whore, is refusing to have sex with me when that could alleviate my sexual frustration. Shove it over the wall? What a bitch. That's good internet. And we're back to destroying my will to live.

Perfect. Oh, God. Keep going. Number four, when in righteous indignation I finally attacked those beasts and managed to beat the shit out of them, I was the one that was reported to the police and not these murderous animals. Only good they ever did was that they later refused to testify against me. That's not good, actually.

That's bad. No, that's, yeah. In any country with a normal legal system sensitive to needs of incels, these criminals would be prosecuted long ago, and in some countries their crimes would be punished by the death penalty. However, here, they're allowed to run free and go on committing their heinous crimes. Though the police have been informed about their attempts to murder their child, they haven't done anything.

I was actually threatened with arrest for consuming police resources. Yeah, that's what you're getting arrested for. For some reason. Their murderous behavior goes on. For how long, I ask? Well, you're not dead yet, so they need to keep going. He's right about other society flaws, though. I wish they'd get on with it.

Can you just imagine being the officer on duty? My parents are trying to kill me. Okay, what are they trying to do? Well, they won't fuck me. Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, you're under arrest for felony cock blocking. Now, misdemeanor cock blocking is, you know, if it's not premeditated.

Premeditated, yeah. It's just like accidental, involuntary cock blocking. It's like manslaughter. Right, yeah. It happens. It's unfortunate, but it does happen from time to time. He's right about other societies, though. You know, the old law. Honor thy father than mother, unless they're cock-blocking assholes. Yeah.

John! Yes? What do you got for us? Well, I have the epic story of a lady called Lady Minerva Nightshade, also known as Dawn Griffiths. Oh, boy. Now, back in the day, she ran a site called Rat Race. Now, let me give a little context here for people who may not know about Portal of Evil and all.

There's a site called Portal of Evil, and basically, I think since, like, 1998, it listed all the fucked up and weird and, you know, odd stuff on the Internet. And the people who ran these websites saw the backlinks from Portal of Evil and said, I'm not evil. What are they doing? And they go to the site, and they see people making fun of them, and they would come over to those forums on Portal of Evil, and they would get pissed, and they would say a lot of things.

So the lady we're talking about, Dawn Griffiths, ran a site called Rat Race, like I said, and her main focus was about RPG logs and fan fiction about Secret of NIMH. Mainly focused on porn about Secret of NIMH. Sure, because that was one fucking sexy cartoon. Oh, yeah. It was really good. It's not as sexy as DuckTales, but pretty close.

I mean, I was more into the Dom DeLuise Crow, but that's just me. DuckTales. Ooh. And just to give you a little context of her stories I found a clip from one of her stories And it was like a graphic depiction Of a demon rat apparently raping another rat And I chose not to read it

So that's the kind of thing she's trying to defend here Well thanks Thank goodness Good Taste won out Good Taste starts and ends here The first thing is actually from An associate of hers called, I think it's Richard. It's G E R O T.

It's Jerome or Gerard, whatever. And this is his post from 2004. Uh, it was made on the portal of evil site and it said a little common sense. Let's see if we can break all of this down with a little common sense. Shall we? Let's start with something straightforward.

First item you ask, do I know that the secret of NIMH is a child's movie? Okay, now. Why is this even important? We both know this, as we grew up with this, since its release in 82. We were both in 6th grade, 12-year-olds. But again, why is this important? Second item.

Simply this. For those who understand, not explanation is necessary. For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible. You look, but you cannot see. You listen, but you cannot hear. This is a terrible episode of Outer Limits. He's getting all Yoda in his rebuttal.

I'm slightly more lost than I was with the Yulia stuff. I don't want to overstate this, but this is all about Secret of Nymphorn. Let's all keep that in mind. Where was I? Many things, like friendship or honoring someone you care about, know no limits on age. Tell me, Chet. Oh, by the way, that reminds me.

Portal of Evil is run by a guy named Chet Faliszek. That's going to get real important later on. What makes this woman's fondness of a quaint old classic film and her decision to honor it so bad? Why does this make her or the other nymph fans slandered here somehow evil or inferior to you? Honor is an interesting verb. Well said. Thank you very much, BTW.

Tilde underscore big O smiley face. Paint keyboard! Kill keyboard! thank you very much, BTW, tilde underscore big O smiley face. Each and every one of them. Note, I've seen anti-sites for many things, and despite the fact that they can be disappointing, I've never seen an anti-site that did more than simple give a reason for not liking something. Those sites never go after a fan site and attempt to destroy both its reputation

and that of the owners. Those sites don't seem to exist for the purpose of destroying someone's self-esteem. Not cool. Bro. You seem bent on making these people feel bad for doing something that they get satisfaction from. What if someone committed defamation against you and your Poe?

Would you like it? I would love that. Actually, knowing Poe, yes, I would. Nothing Poe liked more than making fun of other people on Poe. Exactly. Now, Richard Gerob made a ton of posts like that, and it was all

pretty much the same tone, and they were all getting pretty boring. What's not boring was that something that Don Griffiths did herself. One way that she tried to stop this from happening, or at least attack what was happening to her, was she put spells

into the HTML of her site. Right, yeah. If you went into the coding, the spells were actually here. So here's the first spell. Like magic spells? Yes, exactly. She was apparently Wiccan, but talked a lot about God and angels, so who knows what the hell was in her mind.

Do you have a Dave Mustaine voice? What do you mean I don't believe in rat porn? He's into Jesus now. Come on, guys. Upon this web template, I shall cast blessings to enrich my life, curses to give those who deserve it hell, and generally empower myself with the universal mind. Ampersand, soul is my witness. By the obvious power flowing through these words, I declare them reality. I hereby pronounce the blessing of more time for my members to participate in the Rat Race RPG.

May everyone in my RPG stories always have plenty of time to participate. With the universal mind and soul as my witness, by the obvious power flowing through these words, I declare them reality. That is all. So she made a spell to make all her people guaranteed unemployed. made a spell to make all her people guaranteed unemployed. And at the end of that, in pink text that bounced back and forth, it said it had come to pass that all of my RPG

members have plenty of time to participate. The end. Yeah, they do. Oh, QED. Oh, and by the way, I forgot to say before this, all of this, all the spells are all in Comic Sans. I hereby pronounce the blessing of

more interest in the members of my Rat Race RPG and actual participation. There is not anything that any of them are doing in any of their lives that takes so much time that I hear from none of them for days. They have no excuses. With the universal mind and soul as my witness, by the obvious power

flowing through these words, I declare them reality. That is all. Sometimes I doubt your commitment to secret nym porn. The mind and soul is my witness. By the obvious power flowing through these words, I declare them reality. That is all. Sometimes I doubt your commitment to secretive nymph porn. And then it has come to pass, Paul. Is this just a hobby to you? And last one, I hereby pronounce the blessing of greater interest in the reading audience of my Rat Race RPG. From now on, I will have tons of people applying who would be glad to take up the slack with our extra characters and to give us plenty of help with our current characters

as understudies. With the universal mind as soul as my witness by the obvious power flowing through these words, I declare them reality. That is all. The next thing she did was she brought legal services into the matter. She actually tried to sue Portal of Evil for putting her site on Poe.

Okay. Makes sense. for putting her site on Poe. Okay. Makes sense. That must have worked well. For linking her site. So here's the post that she announced. Or I think it was Richard that announced it? Anyways, here's the announcement. Legal services have been contacted.

Ah, thank you for your support. Every bit helps. As for what I've done, I've contacted a group called Prepaid Legal Services Incorporated. This I refer to in the help file forum. And I had just received an email that informs me that my membership is being handled by an L.A. firm called Partker Stanbury L.L.E. I don't know exactly what L.L.D. stands for, but I'll find out when I call today. The other forum in question might be the EasyBoard tech support forum mentioned in my first post. Anyways, it's a small start.

Shaky, perhaps, but I have faith. And to any of them reading this, remember David and Goliath? A young boy slays a giant. Which one are you? Remember David and Goliath and they're both rats and they had sex with each other? A young boy slays a giant and all he has to do with it is a slingshot at a rock. Hey, Poe Deadheads, guess who David represents? Don Bluth.

Oh, phew. Glad that was teared up. Think you're still too big to be threatened by a white mouse? Think this is a game? Well, just think again. The bigger they are, the harder they fall. Oh, okay. Okay.

The monolithic internet entity known as the harder they fall. Oh, okay. Okay. Got any other cliches you want to throw at us? Yes, the monolithic internet entity known as the Portal of Evil. Yeah, Portal of Evil, Enterprises, LLC, LTD, INC. Okay, so what happened in that suing, by the way,

what happened in that suing, by the way, behind the scenes is that they contacted Bluth. Bluth thought that it was Portal of Evil that was writing the messed up stuff And then Chet basically told them No, the person who contacted you was the one writing the rat porn And then it didn't go anywhere from there Because I think maybe Lady Minerva didn't want to get sued for writing rat porn I don't know, it just kind of fizzled out from there

But she had another way of getting back And this is the Chet Poe Deak Lord idea. That sounds exciting. So this is what she was doing in her own RPG to try and get back at what was happening. Hey guys, I have an idea. The case is moving slowly, but it's making headway. In the meantime, we can have some fun with this entire thing to help lighten the atmosphere and take back some of what they stole from us.

Yay. We can say the website named The Portal of Evil is a portal to one of the Elder Hells. What was it? The Hells of Bun? I don't know what the... She never mentions what Bun means. Like, hot dog buns? I don't want to know enough about your secretive name,

RPG, to know what the fuck you're talking about there. And that this Chet guy, we can call him Chet Poe, first name Chet, last name Poe, is actually a demon from the Hells of Bun, the elders equivalent of Satan. And this guy's friend is on the Nasty Hate Forum, or actually is Mindless Minions.

In fact, their site is the name of the doorway that they use to invade this land. Tay is out to destroy absolutely everything that is good and pure in all of Thorn Valley, as well as everything that is unworthy, a direct reflection of himself. Hmm. Okay.

Now, um, okay, I'll skip past a bit of this. It's all really good, but, okay. I'll skip to the description of Chet Poe, the Deke Lord. Wait, that's the full character name? Chet Poe, the Deke Lord? Is there a colon in it? I don't picture this right.

He was once a human being who committed a number of hate crimes using a tool Chet Poe? Yes. Is there a colon in it? I don't picture this right. He was once a human being who committed a number of hate crimes using a tool called a message board to spread pain and dissent throughout the world. For his crimes of intentional malice, he was condemned to hell, an elder hell, as a number of his crimes were aimed at rodent folk, as well as the Nalre, I think it's supposed to be nature, loving human allies of such small, meek creatures. A demon who, like his minion, imagined that they were fighting monsters. But in their arrogance, they ended up evolving into the very thing they all so hated, in accordance to the old saying.

This being and his ilk, incidentally, are called Deeks. Deeks is a synonym for fake, as defined by the online directionally service. I think that's supposed to be dictionary. Most origin stories, origin myths, have links to wikis.

Okay, so here's how they're defeated in the RPG. By then, Aurora, Serena, Genevieve, Gabriel, Jezebel, and Minerva are all free by then to firmly smite this heartless monster with the elemental powers in the land of life, death, earth, air, fire, and water. And, as mentioned, Jenner and Dumas can have some fun taking this arrogant fraud and his ilk off of their golden pedestal. In fact, it should be a spectacular thing, and done in a way that makes all concepts of poetic justice green with envy.

of poetic justice green with envy. And so, by the end of this angle, the Lord of the Deeks, Chet Poe, and his minions, Junkquiz, another synonym for fake,

learn the hard way that judgment of anything in the universe is not theirs to mete out. Whose is it? Is it ours? Is it ours now? I think so.

Pretty much. Now, here's another, there's another description here. Let's see. Now, another description, another part of an RPG defines him as a swaggering, self-satisfied, self-pretentious lout who thought that just because he went to church

while he was still in his human life, he was morally superior to everyone else. And that one inconsequential detail gave him license to do as he pleased to anyone else, making a mockery of the positive aspects of his so-called faith. I remember Portal of Evil

was a Christian website. Someone who has never done a day's worth of soul-searching in his entire life. Someone who thought that he was completely above everything like that. Everything that made him human. Everything that gave one a real soul. That made one a real person.

Not just mocking, taunting caricature of what a real person should have been. You fucking people are pretending like you never draw pictures of rats raping other rats. Now, let he who has not drawn rat porn cast the first stone. Now, I think this is the same guy. Aw, damn, no one's safe now. I think this is the same guy, but in this one he's referred to by his last name, Faliszek. So, Faliszek gets his comeuppance here. Faliszek knew the blast was coming.

He prepared himself to leap out of the way. Suddenly, a voice screamed at him. Hey, you stupid demon! You're retarded! Hang ten, dude! It was so very, very ironic. In his human life, the word was one that he and his friends had wielded freely.

Too freely. Generous. Very generous with their malice and spite. Stingy with kindness, with goodwill. Faliszek, filled with much rage at the dog's comment, and shrieked, you stupid bee! Star, star, star, star! You're going to regret that! He actually censored himself, too.

He may be a devil, but he's not going to curse. Not chair. It's here! What do you have for us? Well, I don't know the full background of all this, but there's just some things. I was an early Portal of Evil member as well. This is just something that got posted

and became somewhat legendary. And it involves furries. We all love furries. Define love. Okay, how about we like to read about them? We're a little bit into Shining Freud Not a little bit

Does that mean yiffing? There's lots of that Oh god Anyway, this There are some Even by the broken social standards established by furry There are people that are just too weird for even furries to handle. You probably don't believe me, so I'm going to read this and we'll see if I can't change your opinion.

All right. Yay? I don't have the specific – yes. Okay. This all started when Nikobe was in Octothorpe Malief, an IRC channel, asking if any other furs had a room where he could stay for several months, stated that he would be more than happy to pay rent and buy his own food. At that time, I talked to Draco,

and we both thought it might be nice to have another fur around the house. That's what I always thought. Yeah. It might be. When they say furry, when they say fur, I'm picturing them just, like, draping this dude's skins around the house.

Yeah, but see, that's because you are a normal person. But if they said furry, then I'd picture some dude dressed as, like, you know, Sonic. But I'm picturing, like, tiger rugs. First day. Nokobe left that next morning and drove here, arriving in Salinas, California, where he called us and said that he was lost. It was only a 30-minute drive. We told him to stay where he was and that we would come and get him. Draco decided it would be best if he rode back with N'Kobe and that I drove ahead and N'Kobe followed. On the way over, N'Kobe ranted about how fast I was driving and that he couldn't keep up with me. I was driving sometimes 20 to 30 miles an hour under the speed limit just so he

kept up with me and had no time that I drive faster than 10 hour under the speed limit just so he kept up with me, and had no time that I'd drive faster than 10 miles under the speed limit. Nekobe called me every name in the book, wondering why I was doing this to him and asking why I was trying to lose him in traffic. Draco was very distressed by Nekobe's outburst and asked him to calm down, that he knew the way so it didn't matter if we became separated. Nekobe still ranted and became very upset. the way so it didn't matter if we became separated. N'Kobe still ranted and became very upset. When we were within eight miles of the house, N'Kobe slowed to 25 miles per hour on the freeway and was lost to me in what little traffic there was. I pulled off the highway twice and finally got a

phone call on the cell phone. Draco said they were in Monterey and that N'Kobe wanted me to come get them, even though he knew how to get home. N'Kobi didn't trust him and said he was lying. I arrived at the gas station where they were and N'Kobi acted as if nothing ever happened. He seemed in a very good mood. We all arrived at my home and parked his van. We had a nice room for him, separate from the rest of the house, an internet connection all his own, and run of the house. We then all had dinner and talked for a while. N'Kobe telling us how all the furs in Florida were out to get him and saying lies about

him. You know, so far I can I'm sorry, so far I can believe that this guy made an entire state mad at him. Yeah. N'Kobe stated that this is why he had to leave Florida. That the furs there had harassed him, shot him, and bombed his house.

It's around that time that I would be like, maybe we should get rid of this guy. Hang on, let's let this play out. They would have checked the news reports and discovered that, yeah, there was some guy who had been shot at repeatedly and then had his house bombed. And the authorities were like,

sorry, our hands are tied. There's nothing we can do. Oh, Yippee Fox is setting up the mortars pointed at my house. I better go. Now, this all seemed very strange to us as we had never heard anything about this on the net or at any convention.

This convention is the best possible way to get your news. Well, of course. Kobe also told us how he had been banned from AnthroCon, that the Con administration were out to get him, that his complaints of child pornography went unheeded by the

administration and security. Actually, he was trying to frame people, but that got cut. There wasn't enough child pornography. Well, actually, as an aside, what he was doing is he was trying to barge into rooms with other people and then fuck them. And they would not want him, so they kicked him out. And so he would go to security and say, those guys are selling child porn. And after about the third time, the police were like, we haven't got time for this shit. Leave us alone.

If it weren't a furry convention and somebody kept saying this guy is selling child porn, you wouldn't necessarily believe him. But since it is a furry convention, someone's like, this guy is also selling child porn. All right, I'd be probably right. Aren't they all?

Broken clock. Broken clock. Oh, you cried wolf porn. Well. Just wait. Later, I went back into the front room and told Draco I was going to bed myself, and he said he would be coming himself in about five minutes. I left the room, and N'Kobe got up and asked Draco if he would yiff him,

as he was very yiffy, and that that was the only way he would be able to get to sleep. Draco didn't want to, but N'Kobi forced the issue, saying that if he didn't Yiff, he would have a heart attack from the Nile, and most likely die due to the condition he had. He saw nothing wrong with this.

That makes sense. I don't know, blue ball seems pretty subtle. I don't think I want to use that. He then took off all his clothes, stated that Draco had teased him, made him so yiffy that Draco had to do something or he would die. Draco

argued with N'Kobi that he didn't want to yiff him and that he should just paw himself off and go to bed. Do you guys really have to use this verbiage when you're just giving an account of the... Now I see why they didn't make Speed 3. The script is really bad.

Nekobi ranted that he couldn't, and if Draco... I'm already losing the thread here. Nekobi ranted that he couldn't and that Draco had to yiff him that he would be yiffy again in 15 minutes if he did it himself, and he would be up all night that he would be

depressed from the denial and in a horrid mood the next day. It's a contrast to the great mood he's in right now. Yeah, normally he's such a lovely individual. Well, Draco, feeling guilty, took pity on him and after some instruction on N'Kobe's part,

pawed him off. Holy shit. So this guy... No, seriously, I'll die if you don't give me up. So this guy actually convinced him to give him a handjob just by being so annoying that they... Yeah, I was just about to say, maybe he'll shut up if I do this.

That would never ever work in a million years with any other group. My gosh. This is terrifying. Second day. Shit. How much of this are you going to read? The nightmare that just keeps going.

Draco made a huge breakfast for the four of us. We all, including Nekobe, ate together, talking mostly about how all the Florida furs had it in for Nekobe and how he had been unfairly banned from Anthrocon as well as all the other U.S. furs. That wasn't a red light? That wasn't a warning bell? No, of course not.

None of us could really believe this and questioned him all about it. N'Kobi proceeded to tell us his life story, how he was always yiffy and needed sex all the time or he would have a heart attack and die. That he had three heart attacks so far and he didn't want any more. That it was our duty to yip him. That was why he came out here to stay with us in the first place. That's totally not.

I'm imagining like a furry Uncle Sam poster. I want you to jerk my cock. This is the furry crank. Paw, please lemon, the proper terminology. Okay, you're right. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. This was news to both of us. Up until this time, we both were under the impression that he came out here

because he needed a place to stay after being forced to leave his last place of residence. N'Kobe talked and talked, telling us how he nuked furs on Yif-Net because they had all lied about him. Later that day, he wanted Draco to paw him off again, demanded that he do it, said that Draco had teased him and made him very yiffy. Draco reluctantly pawed N'Kobe off for the second time

and told him that he was never going to do it again. Okay, but after this time... This is the last time, I swear. Well, you're like one of those shitty parents in Target that's like... Alright, this time we I swear. Well, you're like one of those shitty parents in Target that's like... Turning a hand job into a hand career. Yeah, this is a horribly

insane, probably smelly, disgusting lunatic of a guy and, you know, I only jerked him off twice. I certainly will not do it a third time. Fool me once. I hope there's no smash cuts Fool me once. After that, I hope there's no smash cuts in real life.

A long, drawn-out discussion ensued over why Draco wouldn't yiff him. I headed to bed, and N'Kobe told Draco that he wouldn't sleep very well that night because he was so yiffy over the thought of another fur arriving the next day. Jesus Christ.

Quote, that the pre was just dripping from the tip of his dick just thinking about it. Ew. Do people actually talk like that? Sure. Like, anyone?

First, I'll never sleep again. Yeah. The more, I mean, the more pervy you are, it stands to reason, like, the more pervy you are, the more you, like, linguistically obfuscate it all.

And you just talk in these dumb sideways things to ignore the fact that you're jerking off while shitting all over yourself. Yeah. Really, this is just... Turku told him to stay away from our guest, that he had no reason to be near him,

and he wasn't coming to visit just so N'Kobi could yiff the hell out of him. N'Kobe became upset at this and proclaimed that he was going to now have a restless night. Oh no, not a restless night. No one's ever gone through one of those before and survived. And

die because he was going to be denied yiff. If you keep saying that, it keeps getting you hand jobs, you know. That's true, yeah. He's learning from behavior. Yeah, I mean, this is really more Draco's fault than anything. The Coby's giving him an out here.

You don't whack me off, I'll have a heart attack. Alright, click, click. Take him to task, yeah. Third day. Shit. The next day, the dog started barking, and a very silly otter came running into our bedroom, pouncing both me and Draco. I'm assuming the otter is another furry and not a literal...

N'Kobi was not very far behind, standing over the otter, while he hugged Draco and I. Draco asked N'Kobi to please leave the bedroom, to which N'Kobi replied, Why? We got up, finding that the dog had got into something very smelly and quickly gave her a shower. While Draco and I were taking care of the dog, the otter, being closely followed by N'Kobe, went about unloading his car, setting up his computer next to mine, N'Kobe all the while pestering the otter. Draco opened the bathroom door and saw what was happening,

and told the otter to come with us so he could talk to him while we washed the dog. Nekobi, not having any part of this, offered to help wash the dog so he could remain close to the otter. Draco said no, that his help wasn't needed, and we would be done in a few minutes. Draco then asked Nekobi to please close the doors on the otter's car and close the front gate drive. About 4pm, the otter and Draco went out to the store, at which point Nekobi came running into the computer roompm, the otter and Draco went out to the store, at which point, Niko became running into the computer room, yelling that the otter and Draco had gone someplace and he

demanded to know where that Draco had taken the otter, and why had he taken him away from him, and that they were doing it to him again. What a fucking whack job. It didn't occur to me to kick him out of the fucking house, so we continued to put up with it. Yes.

Let me summarize day three. They went out to get McDonald's. God, no. They didn't invite Nekobe because he's kind of a whack job, and they were a little bit put out by him. McDonald's being the most disgusting. See, if only this had happened in modern day, they could have gone out for Doritos, Locos, Tacos,

but they had to settle for McDonald's. They add 25% more crunch. It was truly a dark age when this story takes place. Yeah. And then, actually, at the end of day three, while they're sleeping, N'Kobe stalks outside their bedroom,

listening to see if they're fucking. Alright, let me give you another handjob. Okay, what happens on day four? Day four, that morning I got up and Draco and the otter were snuggling in bed. About noon, N'Kobi burst into the bedroom yelling they had confirmed that the otter had yiffed at least seven other furs.

That another fur that had stayed here had yiffed Draco and asked why Draco wouldn't yiff him. I should accuse! He had talked to a fur on YiffNet and that the fur had said another... Oh, God. This is like the opening scene of Clerks.

Yiff, yiff, yiff, yiff. Yiff fur, fur, yiff, fur, fur, yiff. Yeah, totally. Yeah, like, did this... I really want to know if this, like, whole argument actually went down with those exact terms. It was like, did you yiff him? Did you yiff that fur?

Did you pull him off? I would not be surprised if it did. Yeah, a certain amount of times it just sounds like code language. N'Kobe has uttered the yiff. N'Kobe has uttered the yiff. Uh, yeah. I took the cell phone and went for a walk. N'Kobe ran after me yelling, wanting to know who I was going to call, what I was doing, yeah. I took the cell phone and went for a walk. N'Kobi ran after me, yelling,

wanting to know who I was going to call, what I was doing, and all I was going to do was lie about it. Just give him a handjob! Where are you going? What are you doing? Oh, oh, oh, God. Oh, God.

I called the friend N'Kobi had talked to, and he said to ask N'Kobi never to call him again, and if he did, he would hang up on him. Ooh. After a handjob, of course. That he thought N'Kobi was that he thought N'Kobi was crazy and had scared him to death. Draco had gone

looking for me out the back of the house and I was in the front. N'Kobi had come in come back in after yelling at me and started to bother the otter again because neither I nor Draco were there. N'Kobi had backed the otter again, because neither I nor Draco were there. N'Kobe had backed the otter into a corner in the bedroom and telling him that if he'd only let him yiff him, all would be okay, and asking where all those other furs you had yiffed and why you wouldn't let him yiff him

or whatever. The otter later told us that N'Kobe stated that he wanted to kill Draco and I, the dog, and burn down the house. This was the second time he had stated that he wanted to kill Draco and I, the dog, and burn down the house. This was the second time he had stated that he wanted to kill someone in this house, even after boasting that he'd killed someone in Europe and got away with it, and that he had seven passports, and he was in the U.S. illegally, and no one knew his real name. But anyway, if I kick him out of the house, that would just be rude.

Yeah, that's true. Well, he's super crazy and creepy and stalky and, like, kind of rapey and stuff, but you know, we're both kind of want to fuck the same cartoon animals, so he's like family when you think about it. Yeah, I know, exactly. I'm not going to judge.

During the next several hours, Draco and I verbally pounded into N'Kobe's skull that he was no longer welcome in this house and that he was going to leave in the morning. Yay! That I would give him $600 to reimburse him for expenses. What? Yeah. What? No.

What? So he got $600 and two hand jobs for barging into your life for three days and giving you shit. I'm quitting this cartoon shit. Speaking of which, Jack Chick, I just, you know, like, you know know I'm going to San Francisco. I mean, there's the standard. I don't have any otters for you to get, man. This guy got $600 and two handjobs.

And they don't even like him. Oh, dude, no. We can make the handjobs happen. That's easy. But $600, man. I'm between jobs right now, man. Come on. Nekobi pleaded that he would change,

that if we had let him yiff the otter, all would have been fine. I told him no, it was over, and if I had any more problems before tomorrow, that I would call the police and have him escorted off the premises. He said I couldn't, and that I would be in as much trouble as he would be that he

was an illegal and that we would all go to jail for harboring him. Yeah, that's how that works. N'Kobe, if you go to jail, somebody will probably fuck you. Yeah, but they won't gift me. I don't want to get fucked. That's gross. I'm going to call the police. Well, if you do, I'm illegal so I'm not supposed to be in the country either.

So that's your problem now. What? Yeah. Nekobi still insisted that if we just let him yiff the otter everything would be just fine and we knew how yiffy he was and that he couldn't help it and he would go to a doctor and get some shots if we would just let him yiff the otter. What?

It's like a cure for cancer. I'm imagining like the climax scene in The Negotiator. Let the hostages go! Gift the honor! The honor! The honor had previously, in a part that got skipped, had been backed in a corner and screaming in panic, completely not into this guy at all whatsoever.

Sure, why not? The guy at all whatsoever. Why not? The otter isn't even gay. Well, I don't know. He woke up snuggling with Draco. It's pretty good. That would make a difference. Anyway, anyway. We can wrap this up here.

A couple of paragraphs. This conversation went on for several hours. Nikobe telling us how he would change and all the things he would do to make sure that he did but that he was still Yiffy and he always would be. He also stated that he would never have come out here

if he knew that we weren't Yiffy and didn't want to Yiff him. And we should have known that he was the Yiffiest fur there was. I told him he was crazy. Yes, correct. Doesn't change matters. It took four days. Four days. No, day five. It took four days. Four days.

No, day five. For him to say that. I got up and woke Draco. We showered and then woke Nekobi up. During the night he had packed the rest of his things so there wasn't much left for him to do. I handed him an envelope with $600 in it and gave him the printed directions

to where he was going. I redid them so he could find his way better. I cleaned the windows in his van and said goodbye. He got a car wash, too. He pulled out into the street and said good... Damn it. He pulled out into the street and said goodbye, and that if we had only let him yip the otter,

this would have never happened. You'll be sorry. You'll see what not letting me Yip the Otter has brought down upon you. By 7am, he was gone from our lives. Nostradamus foretold of the day when you did not let me Yip the Otter. So just some

further information here. Further? I will murder you in your sleep. No, so apparently Nicobee doesn't have any teeth.

Just FYI. Oh, that's cute. How fun. Yeah. All right. I just want to briefly, very briefly, just give you a very quick summary of a philosophy that's going to change your life.

So I don't know how your lives have been going. Probably not so good at this point. Because you haven't heard of the Time Cube. Or maybe you have, but for the sake of this reading, we're going to pretend that you haven't heard of the Time Cube. Oh, I think that's from Doctor Who, right? No. The Time Cube...

Oh, wait, is it from Transformers? Nope. Oh, wait. Is it from Transformers? Nope. Oh, okay. The Time Cube has been around apparently since 97. It was created by a guy named Gene Ray. I'm not sure where he's from, but definitely somewhere where it's very southern because he's a very southern man. But he has a theory that all time can be represented in a cube.

And just like a cube, time has four sides. Because a cube has four sides, and time has four sides. So already this theory is perfect, right? Yeah, because a cube doesn't have six sides, it has four sides. Right, it has four sides. And if a cube is just having four sides as the stopping point for you

if you can't get past that, we're going to be here for a while. So he has a website, timecube.com. It is developed in Microsoft Office. It's just one big word file

that he posted. And so it's all like sort of Times New Roman. The colors change. It's about like a 48-point H1 tag most of the time, but it does kind of go up and down in size. It's got to keep your attention. Well, no, it doesn't keep your attention. Because

you don't get really paragraphs of text. It just sort of jumps around. This is the first thing that we've looked at in this episode that has made me happy. Ulululia did it right now. Oh, Ulululia was pretty okay. Thank you.

This is the first thing since Ulululia did we do? Oh, Yulululia was pretty okay. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the first thing since Yulululia that has made me feel that there is some good in this world. All right. TimeCube is amazing. So I'm just going to read, you know, the relevant parts because you don't understand TimeCube. The relevant parts. Because you don't understand TimeCube. Gene Ray, the creator of this,

has been very angry at people for not understanding. He spoke at MIT and he was mad at the guys at MIT for not understanding TimeCube. Oh, well, he's super smart. He also does the Glenn Beck thing where he says, I'll give you $10,000 to disprove

TimeCube. And the guys at MIT were like, well, disprove what? And he was like, aha, you can't disprove it, can you, assholes? Smarty pants. Anyway, so I'm just going to start. Read a couple relevant parts. Hopefully by the end of this you'll be able to understand TimeCube. Children will be blessed for killing educated adults

who ignore fall or simultaneous days, same earth rotation, practicing evil oneness upon earth of quadrants. Evil adult crime versus youth support lie of integration. One educated are most dumb, not one human except dead one. Man is paired, two half for self. One of God is only one fourth of God. Bible a lie, and word is lies.

Navel connects four corner fours. God is born of a mother. She left belly bee signature. Every priest has ma sign, but lies to honor queers. Belly bee proves four corners. Your dirty lying teachers use only the midnight to midnight one day

ignoring the three other days. Time to not foul. Already wrong Bible time. Lie that corrupts earth, you educated stupid fools. Belly button logic works. Why do teenagers die? Okay, now you're just naming song titles.

Lie did by the light. It was a diagram. So, yeah, it's pretty much just the earth inside of a cube. Okay, so do you understand a little bit better now? Yeah, I do. Good. Well, I'm not educated, so I'm closer to understanding.

As page two will let you know, why not the time cube? The only reason is educated stupidity. I have demonstrated absolute irrefutable proof of four simultaneous 24-hour days within a single rotation of the Earth. No other man or god can claim such truth manifestation. The academic brainwashed mind is corrupt and can't comprehend cubic magnificence. I can comprehend this page way better because the font is approximately a tenth of the size. Can we actually get Eula Lilja to decipher this page? I think that would be fine.

I like that because there's no kind of rhyme or reason to any of the text, but it does kind of like it added to chronologically. And as it goes on, you can see him getting just angrier and angrier. My favorite part about the whole thing is that it's like, you know, like 50 pages of this craziness, and then at the bottom it has a link to the second page. I don't want to put too much shit on one page. People's eyes might gloss over.

Nothing on Earth... This is from the first page. For some reason, I feel compelled to jump around, kind of, at will. I think that's in the spirit of this document. Right. Nothing on Earth is more evil than human educated as one. When composed of opposites that cancel out as an entity. In fact, man is the only one evil

and will soon erase himself by ignoring cubic four-day creation. If a man cannot tear a page from his Bible and burn it, then he cannot be a scientist or participate in a symposium to measure the cubing of the Earth with cubic intelligence wiser than any man or god known. Educators have destroyed the human analytical brain to a single perspective, in spite

of all creation within a universe being based on opposites, binaries, and antipodes, including the sun-slash-earth binary relative to the... where did I go? Okay, human... Pick the next paragraph that you find. I don't like about it.

I don't like about it. I don't like about it. I don't like about it. I don't like about it. I don't like about it. I don't like about it. I don't like about it. I don't like about it.

I don't like about it. I don't like about it. I don't like about it. I don't like about it. I don't like about it. I don't like about it. I don't like about it. I don't like about it.

I don't like about it. I don't like about it. I don't like about it. I don't like about it. I don't like about it. I don't like about it. I don't like about it. I don't like about it.

I don't like about it. I don't like about it. I don't like about it. I don't like about it. I don't like about it. I don't like about it. I don't like about it. I don't like about it.

I don't like about it. I don't like about it. I don't like about it. I don't like about it. I don't like about it. I don't like about it. I don't want to make any sense anymore. I'll lose track of the thread. The University of Michigan is a racist and anti-white institution, offering 20 points for registration if you are not white.

It is already evil that they suppress student free speech for discussing and debating nature's harmonic time cube principle. Integration equates unnatural racial slop. Racial slop. Racial slop? Racial slop? Racial slop. I think I went to high school with her. Evil educators suppress Time Cube, and dumbass students condone such evil.

Cubeless institutions. She's an amazing... Whoa, whoa. Which institution has a cube? Also known as everything. You fucking cubeless institutions. I knew this was about the Transformers. They're spreaders of evil, and students lack the mentality to change it.

I bestow upon myself the doctrine of cubism. Put that on your resume. Fair enough. For educators are ignorant of nature's harmonic time cube principle and cannot bestow the prestigious honor of wisdom upon the wisest human ever, Dr. Gene Ray. I'm a doctor because of the doctorate in cubicism that I just gave myself. Yes.

When he says cubeless institutions, I just picture him like shaking his fist at Epcot Center. Something like that. Not to imply that I know what the hell he's talking about, but... If you believe the academic, erroneous word God, you will die stupid and evil, for you

cannot have the mental freedom to comprehend nature's higher order wisdom and the harmonic, simultaneous four-day time cube. This is all in... Okay, so from nature's, it's all a title. You will comprehend nature's higher order

wisdom and the harmonic simultaneous four day time cube creation principle within one earth rotation. That's the title of it. Until word is cornered, educators are liar. By Jean Ray, the wisest human. Prove them wrong.

Any dumbass should know that a prime meridian does not just pass through the Greenwich Point. Okay. Fair enough. Now, in case you guys were wondering, Jean Ray actually has a wisest human website as well. I think Lemon just comprehended the time cube and ascended to a higher plane. You know, this whole time cube is all amazing, but for some reason my favorite part of this is... The punchline for me at the end of this email address is email the author, oray612959 at earthlink.net.

Okay, oh shit, where was I? Okay, yeah, I'm sorry, I just blinked black. Where was I? Well, I was in Dimension 3, or sorry, Time 3. Oh, yeah, of course. Is that when Einstein has midday, Clintons have sun up, Socrates has midnight, and Jesus has sundown?

Yes, yes, that is correct. A, Clintons have sun up, Socrates has midnight, and Jesus has sundown? Yes. That is correct. And women wear boxers and men wear panties. And it's not like a sex thing, that's just what happens in that time. Yeah, no, I get it. That's what happens when you go through a black cube hole. Anyway, crossing the equator at two opposite points, dividing the Earth into two halves of light and darkness with its own 24-hour rotation are a single rotation of the Earth.

Are you aware that harmonic symmetry demands a second great circle meridian to create sunup and sundown quarter quadrants? Are you aware of that? Yes. Okay, good. Because you just told me. I'm the wisest human. There are four simultaneous 24-hour days within a single rotation of the Earth. You may be too damn evil to accept it.

There are only three simultaneous 24-hour days within a single rotation of the Earth. Damn you, Goldfinger! By the way, you mentioned the site thewisesthuman.com, which Gene also owns. I will read thewisesthuman.com in its entirety. The wisest human to ever live on the Earth.

http://www.timecube.com Oh, he really figured out how to get concise there. All done. So if people Google the wisest human, that's what they'll find. This one actually wasn't made in...

It was not made in Microsoft Word. Anyway, sorry, I'm going to go back to... Okay. Above God, your father was a fish. You evolved... Yeah? You evolved from an egg laid in water, fertilized by a sperm fish, swimming upstream just as salmon swim upstream,

to fertilize female egg laid in the water. Maybe you should worship a fish god. Oh, shit. That paragraph makes the most sense of anything he's written so far. Damn. Okay, oh, here's an email that he posts just in a random place. Subject, time cube

is proven by teacher. Date, whatever, from somebody to Ray. Okay, dear Mr. Ray, for a year now I have studied your time cube truth, but have not been able to convince others of its reality. Parentheses, dumbasses. Parentheses. My mother

is a teacher, and she said it was nutty and stupid. But guess what? i cornered her literally i turned her in 90 degree angle um i cornered her literally in the living room one evening and forced her to admit it not sure what she wouldn't make eye contact with me. She was fixated on the knife point. What, admit that you cornered her? I cornered you! Uncle! In order to get her teaching certificate, she had to

sign an affidavit saying that she would uphold the Greenwich myth until death. I shit you not. It has been revealed. American teachers are sworn to fight against the truth of the time cube. Transfer interrupted. Font greater than.

Think of how much text was lost with that one broken tag. It's probably in the code. It is in the code. I thought that was the email being cut off by the non-time cube overlords. Possibly. I think Cubist. I am wisest. You think self.

You are evil. Your professors are stupid, evil liars and fear the TimeCube truth. Just, you know, cut into the meat of it right there. Just letting you know. Okay. Oh, let me just... I think I just want to summarize this whole thing with some daily affirmations. Okay, I'm going to get positive now. Tired of being called stupid and evil.

Right. Well, let me just one more time, but then we'll get to the affirmations. Just so you know. Because it's like, what was that shit? Est. Est, the cult that became the forum. It's about breaking you down so that we can

build you back up. So, humans are the only educated stupid animal and too dumb to even know it. Interracial marriage is stupid and evil, for it creates a child of not either race betraying the child and both races. Educators don't know black from white.

Okay, so here's some things to remember in the morning when you get up. Okay, I want you to look in the mirror and say to yourself you are the lowest form. You can't procreate alone. I'm the lowest form. Okay.

You can't procreate alone. I am the lowest form. I can't procreate alone. Correct. You destroyed the village. How did he know? You destroyed the family. I destroyed the family. You destroyed childhood.

I destroyed childhood. You destroyed naturalism. I destroyed naturalism. That's why you've been busy. You don't know the truth. I don't know the truth. You pitiful mindless fools. I am a pitiful mindless fool.

You are educated stupid. I am educated stupid. You worship cubeless word. You worship cubeless word. I worship cubeless word. You are your own poison. I am my own poison. You create your own hell.

I create my own hell. You must seek the time cube. I must seek the time cube. Alright, so, there. Didn't it work? Don't you... Don't you... Don't you? Do you like the Time Cube now? Are you into it? Educators are evil to deny Time Cube debate.

Academic ignoring of Time Cube equates evil. Word worship. Educators beget stupid students. Students are brainwashed and do not know it. Students are taught to be stupid and don't care. There we go. Yeah. Students believe any step they're taught.

Stupid students unable to evaluate time cubes. Destroy Harvard robot minions! Jack Check is slowly morphing into a metal singer. Alright,

poor Tex. Now that we have a greater consciousness, what can you bring us? Alright, so, I have three short,

completely unrelated posts on the internet Good, okay That will give you an idea that the internet has been crazy Is still crazy, and will be crazy forever Okay, that sounds great So this first post is one of my favorite things that I ever saw on Portal of Evil Most people know it as, well, you'll see.

This is a woman who has a dream. That's the specific goal of life. Okay. All right. So, and I'm just going to read it the way it was typed out. Well, it was typed out in all caps. Hold on. Let me turn down my headset volume.

Yeah, that's interesting. All right. So, hi, my name is Carol, and I'm a 21 year old college student studying to become a teacher of exceptional disabled children I'm a high myope and I wear glasses with thick plastic lenses Although I used to wear contact lenses at times I've decided to give them up altogether

in favor of my glasses I'm also a bonafide DBE Double Blow Elbow Amputee Wannabe Yes, that means I really do want to have both my hands and both my wrists amputated about eight inches above the elbows. Oh my god. Okay. Yeah, it was only recently that I have finally

come to fully understand the extent of my desire to become a real DBE amputee. When I was three years old, I met a young man who was completely missing all four of his fingers on right hand. Lucky bastard. Ever since that time, I've been absolutely fascinated by amputees, most especially women amputees who are missing their hands or their arms or who wear hooked prostheses. Ever since that time, I've been absolutely fascinated by amputees, most especially women amputees who are missing their hands or their arms or

wear hooked prosthesis. Ever since, I can remember I have constantly dreamed and fantasized about becoming a real amputee myself, especially a real DVE amputee who wears twin-body powered prosthesis with matching darts, number 5X stainless steel hooks. Since I have

previously thought that my obsession about becoming a real DBE amputee was unnatural, i.e. wrong, immoral, indecent, etc. It's in the Bible. Like coveting thy neighbor's husband or coveting thy neighbor's goods, I always used to hide my feelings from everyone. I say used to because my whole life has now changed quite significantly. Yay! Just this past August, Rob, my fiancé, we are planning for a wedding for July 14th, 2001,

introduced me to his former girlfriend, Debbie, a real DBE amputee, who wears beautiful twin body power prostheses with Doritz No. 5X stainless steel locks. Whoa. DBE. Don't pimp her. That's that little woman right there. Yeah. Debbie the DBE.

Debbie, who is about five years older than... Yeah, Debbie DBE. This story's real. Debbie, who is about five years older than me, had to have both her hands amputated about ten years ago as a result of a tragic accident that happened when she was carelessly playing with some fireworks. She and I quickly became very good friends,

and I soon revealed to her my desire to become a real DBE amputee and have a pair of my beautiful stainless steel prosthetic hooks instead of my two real hands. I really want to be just like Daddy. When I said that to her, she stabbed me in the neck with her fucking hooks. I would give anything to have my hands back, you bitch. I really want to see that conversation, the conversations they'd have. She's like, ever since I've had my hooks, it's been hard to deal with. So, then we get to the second half of the story.

Oh, Paul. Oh, Paul. Oh, good. I now fully understand that all of the challenges that I will have to face as a woman, who will have to have twin hooks instead of two real hands, and I can't wait to begin facing them. I am absolutely 100% positive that I will be able to meet and overcome all of those many challenges. Absolutely 100% positive that I will be able to meet and overcome all of those many challenges. I have already planned how to get my double blow elbow amputations at the same time. My twin amputations will occur as the result of a tragic accident.

What? That will completely and permanently sever both my hands about 8 inches below my elbows so that no doctors will be able to save and reattach my severed limbs. My tragic accident will happen just before my graduation from college in May of 2001, which will also be just before my 22nd birthday. So, I'll celebrate both my graduation from college and my 22nd birthday in the hospital as a new DBE.

Yay! Doctor, I just fell on this bandsaw twice. This makes me feel surprisingly uncomfortable. Whatever. A few short months after that I hope to begin my career in the field of special education As a new teacher who will not only

Is a very high myope But wears beautiful glasses with thick lenses For those of you who remember that episode But who also is a new DBE amputee And wears beautiful twin body power prostheses With Doran's number 5X stainless steel horns. Unfortunately, schools do background checks. Yes.

Yes, I'll be a disabled teacher whose job will be to teach disabled children. I know that most people will say, you're out of your mind after they visited this website. I can fully understand their opinion of me. Of course, I must totally disagree with them. I am not asking anybody

to agree with my decision to become a real DBE amputee. All I'm asking is that everybody understand that I want to live my life just the way that I want, and that I want to live my life with just the body that I want. I honestly do want to live the rest of my life as a real DBE amputee or as beautiful twin body power prosthesis

with Norris No. 5 stainless steel hooks. My new life without my hands is awaiting me. So just cut off your hands. Hey! When people say you're out of their mind, they don't mean they disagree with your choices. They mean you are fucking crazy. I don't know what you're talking about. Anyway,

sincerely, Carol, soon to be a real DBE amputee. P.S. I'm only about 60 days until I should become a real DBE amputee, and it's only about 120 days until I should be able to start wearing beautiful twin body power prosthesis with Torrance number 5X stainless steel hooks. I can hardly wait! Oh, Jesus Christ. Also, I forgot to say, no insurance companies read this.

So Carol did about two lines of coke and then wrote this whole post. Fucking I'm going gonna do it! Was that like a preamble before reading about the crazy people, or... No, that was just for fun. Now let's get to the crazy people. You know, the next part just goes into, I guess, an old website of just more

of her, I don't know, making a website about the picture, but I'd really love it if the next post was just like her slamming the keyboard with her clothes. Sorry! Sorry! Alright. Okay, so this next thing

is something from Something Awful. Yay! I'm not going to read the responses to it. This is just an infamous post from Something Awful. So the first thing was somewhere around 2000, 2001. When would this have been from, do you know? Yeah, late 90s. This is about 2002.

So yeah, that first thing was about late 90s. This is about 2002. Okay. I'm Something Awful. I'm a goon named Niu Niu. Sound fun. And I want to buy a thing. Okay.

That's normal. You're fine. I'm looking for a bento box. It can't be pinkoo. That's Japanese for pink. Or any girl color. It has to be of two or more kotoba. That's Japanese for pink. Or any girl color. It has to be of two or more kotoba. That's Japanese for two compartments.

And it has to be chibi. Small sized. Why the fuck is he... Because he's Japanese in his soul, probably. Japan. And it has to be really kawaii. Fuck you! It can only be cute if it's pink, right?

Yes. No, it can't be pink. It can't be pink. It can't be pinku. But it has to be cute. Also, it, as in the Stephen King book, I guess, because it's capitalized, has to be about 10 to 20 bucks. That's internet for bucks.

What's that again? Gotcha. And you have to post pics of it first. I want to make sure it's kawaii. Remember, that means cute. And it would be nice if it came with matching chopstick holder with chopsticks. Oh, and it cannot have any cartoon pictures or be made out of plastic. It has to be made of ceramic or something like that.

Also... I don't think you know how Japan works. No, no, no. I think actually he has a better understanding of how Japan works than any of you do. Because he's at least being extremely specific about what he wants. Fair enough.

I called Japan and I said give me bento box. And they said, what? And hung up on me. They just didn't understand what was Japanese for bento box. All right. I told them not to be pinkoo. Also, it would be nice if it was made in Japan.

And not in China or Soria, also known as Korea, or whatever. I have found a bento box similar to the one I'm describing in E-Bay, but it was one kotoba, and I don't want my Gohan, rice, to touch my other things. It can get wet, and I would not like that. Plus, two compartments looks more kawaii And it has to be PayPal Please contact me At msnmessenger

At blah blah blah blah blah Or email me You can also reply here but I would rather if you message me Because it's just faster that way And I don't think I would check this topic a lot Remember Remember Yes Now remember we check this topic a lot. Remember. Are you reading this one specifically to hurt me?

Yes. It's revenge time. Now remember, Lemon. It can't be pink or any girly color. It has to be small. Has to be of two or more compartments. I don't know what that means

since I didn't write it in Japanese first. Can't be made of plastic. Can't have drawings of cartoon characters. It can have cute little designs though. Should come with matching chopstick holder with

chopsticks. Should be of cute shape like an oval. Transaction must be through PayPal. Can't be Can't be more than $20. Thanks in advance. P.S.

I know it might seem like I'm asking for a lot, but bento boxes come in a lot of different shapes and stuff. I saw one just like the one I'm asking for on E-Bay for a buy it now price of $15, but it only had one compartment. I want two or more. Now a rational person would probably have taken that and linked the one that they had found saying, hey, I really like this and I would like

something similar, but I kind of wanted two compartments. Does anybody know of one like that? No. I had to explain it with really weird fake, poorly translated Japanese, and then restate everything I just said in a list. Okay, good, that makes sense.

But you didn't mention it. I don't know if you mentioned in the list that this thing that you want to be a box needs to be an oval. It's a bento box. Gaijin? What does it need? All of them. All of them. I scrolled down to the bottom

and apparently FYAD got a hold of this guy, so they gave him the good treatment. Good deal. This guy's probably the reason that Helldump got started. Probably. There's one last thing. I can link this to you.

This is fairly recent I don't think anyone Would be able to read this Because you guys don't own Pinko Bento Box What the fuck But this is from The Japanese Yahoo Answers

Oh okay And fortunately One of my friends Translated it for me This is apparently An incredibly famous post From Japanese Yahoo Answers From a few years ago

Oh okay It is titled, Whenever I come home, my wife pretends she's dead. Okay. Alright. I would have questions. Yeah. Whenever I come home,

whenever I come home, my wife pretends she's dead. What could this mean? One day I came home, opened the front door, and my wife was on the floor. It surprised me at first, but then she started doing it every day. So I got used to it, to the point where I'd go, come on, wake up. Yeah. But then

one day, she had fake blood streaming out her mouth. Awesome. A week after that, her white shirt was covered in fake blood. Hmm. Is she running out of ideas lately? Or is she so bored that it's affecting the way she thinks? She, yeah, she has so little to do in a day.

Why don't you ask her? I don't know. She's had an arrow stuck through her head. She's worn a plastic bag over her head. She was still breathing, so it was completely fogged up. And today, she was dressed as a soldier who died an honorable death.

Oh, no. Now she's just making it fun. Yeah. I don't think she's lacking originality like you claim. She's fucking selling it. Naturally, I walked right past her. What does my wife want me to do?

Where does she want to go from here? I have no idea. Someone please tell me. Why don't you ask her? I don't know, man. As I write this, she's making dinner with an arrow through her head. That's awesome. I don't care.

I think your straight man response to it is kind of making it for her. The fact that you're not responding at all is most of the fun. I had to... Okay, I went back and I edited because there's some little extra information you guys need to know.

I'm surprised by the large amount of answers. Early spring, she had Bonito written out as a dying message, and we had Bonito for dinner that night. I praised her for her creativity. However, the next day, she was dressed as a dead clown, Ronald McDonald. Okay. It took a lot of effort to get the makeup off.

So, Toji, how's the wife? She's into costumes? It seems she purchased the soldier uniform from an army shop. I told her not to waste money. So today, she was eaten by some creature I believe she meant to be an alligator. This is awesome. You know what? I like this girl. She's great.

This is awesome. Yeah, so apparently pretty much all the responses were apparently that like, oh, she just wants to make you happy. She's awesome. So just to let everyone know that the internet is still nuts

and apparently this type of weirdness is just happening on the other side of the internet too. Amazing. We're united with our Japanese brother in the League of Goofy Bullshit. Well, that was cheery at the end. I enjoyed that.

I'd marry her. She seems fun. I like how it's a creature we assume was supposed to be an alligator, so some totally shitty fake monster. Yeah, but she tried, man. I just picture him walking in be an alligator. So some totally shitty fake monster. Yeah, but she tried, man. But I guess...

I just picture him walking in and him just trying to stare at the monster and then she just kind of looks up and is like, it's supposed to be an alligator. Because I'm basically picturing that he comes home to GWAR every night. Do you need to be alone with that image? Welcome home! Are you trying to tell me you want to go to a GWAR concert?

Yeah. Dear, is that what I'm hearing? I hate this Windows Vista tonight. Blue screens. And I've hated this Windows Vista all my life. Crashes. Crashes. Can you hate this Windows Vista tonight?

Blue screens. Crashes. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, Lemon. There we go. That was about half of our 100th episode. Can you believe how crazy this internet is? I just can't.

Wow. This special 100th episode gives us all of the hits of the past. Oh, man. I can't wait for more. You don't have to wait, because if you listen to the second half of the episode, you'll

get more hits from more fantastic F Plus readers. Wow. What would you pay for all of these hits of the internet? A hundred thousand kajillion dollars. Okay. Well, then mail that to me and then listen to the next free episode. Also, more poor tax.

Yeah. Hit stop. Play up the next one. Do it. Yay. Bye. Rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr. There's a poor tax rotation here.

Blue screens. Yay. Bye. Rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr. Rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr. Rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr. Rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr. Rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr. Rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr. Rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr. Rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr. Rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr. Rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr. Rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr. Rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr. Rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr. Rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr. Rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr. Rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr. Rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr. Rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr. Rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr. Rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr. Rawr, rawr, rawr, rawr. Rawr, rawr, rawr. Rawr, rawr, rawr.

Rawr, rawr, rawr. Rawr, rawr, rawr. Rawr, rawr, rawr. Rawr, rawr, rawr. Rawr, rawr, rawr. Rawr, rawr, rawr. Rawr, rawr, rawr. Rawr, raw hate this Windows Vista tonight. Blue screens.

I've hated this Windows Vista all my life. Coming up in part two of the F Plus 100th episode spectacular just announced. No, Jimmy. No, they're not real.

I spent a lot of time on this. Well, I guess you can keep going. Rage against the Skasheen. They'll be there, right? Yes, definitely. They'll totally be there. Oh, that makes me so happy. So keep listening for part two.

Alright. Yeah!