The F Plus - 100b: Episode 100 (Part Two)

Episode Date: June 2, 2013

For the 100th Episode of The F Plus, we wanted to take a couple of hours exploring the internet's stupid and misguided history, tackling some subjects from many years ago that have stuck with us like a herpes sore. This is part two. Part one is here Alex Chiu Is Going To Make You Gorgeous Matthew Moulton Has A Hard Time Making Friends Why Is It That People Forget About The Elven Holocaust? And Then Legolas Said "Which Voice Did I Use For This Again?" Dave Hopkins Doesn't Need To Listen To Your Criticism

It's the F plus 100th episode spectacular part two. We had problems booking those other Scottribute bands, but we got Scottribute trees, Scottrina and the waves, Rage Against the Scottsheen, Baruch Ascult, the Skonking Pumpkins. No, God damn it. Cox suckers. Cox suckers. I spent all my money on putting this show together.

I'm ruined financially. Well, that's fine. This episode will make you feel better, I promise, Jimmy. All right, let's hear it. I'm not a drag queen. I'm not a drag queen. I'm not a drag queen. I'm not. I'm just a drag queen. I'm not a drag queen. I'm not a drag queen. I'm not.

I'm not a drag queen. I'm not a drag queen. I'm not a drag queen. I have to be there. You're a drag queen. I'm a drag queen. I'm a drag queen. I have to stay.

I'm a drag queen. I have to be there. I'm a drag queen. I'm a drag queen. I have to be a man. I'm not a drag queen. I'm not a drag queen. I'm not a drag queen. I'm not a drag queen. I'm not a drag queen. I have to be a man.

I'm not a drag queen. I have to stand. I'm not a drag queen. I'm not. I'm not a drag queen. I have to stand. I'm not a drag queen. I'm not. I'm not a drag queen. No, I'm not a drag queen. I'm not a drag queen. Hi there.

Welcome back to the F+. Terrible Things, still red with enthusiasm. My name's Lemon. I'm still John, I think. Yes, still John. And we're talking in these stills because we're assuming that you've just come off of the first half of the episode. You're coming in for part two. And there's more for you.

I don't know whether to suggest you listen to the first part first or you listen to part two and be really confused. I think both has its merits. I think you're going to be confused regardless. Well, true. It's different flavors, though. Anyways. Yeah, there's going to be people that are going to be confused regardless. Well, true. It's different flavors, though. Anyways. Yeah, there's going to be people that are going to read shit. It's going to be funny.

Raiders assemble! Yes. In the room tonight, we have Booth Rangier. My butt is a ham. Is it in my shirt? Oh, my, yes. Fart! Excuse the boob fart.

Stog? Mamma mia! This is a Maya Papa chick! Nutshell Gulag! Oh, hello. I did try to sue Miguel because he did discover I am an eat criminal! Bunny bread! Where's my sleeping bag?

Oh, the fatty wears it for panties! You may keep it, Deidre, babe. It now smells like pork fart. Come quats up! One chin, twoidre, babe. It now smells like pork fart. Kumquats up! One chin, two chins, three chins. Oh my, the Statue of Liberty did get very fat. Portax? Here's the key to escape fatties.

Disguise as a hat. No, I am sorry, that is death for sure. And Lemon. Gulp, gulp, this is my pig friend. Hello, I am a pig, I do the dishes. It is a trade for butter packs. What? Yes.

Oh, good lord. I was great. No one could make me. My teacher paid me more attention than most And I have ran Though many not noticed I have enough biological flaws already, okay Freak of emotion, baby

Oh, oh I guess I'm just a blast Don't got a place in my head I can't take these words back I can't heal these wounds now Boots, we're going to start out with you. Yeah. What sort of internet horror have you brought forth for us?

Alex Chu. Alex Chu, I've heard of him. Yeah, Alex Chu's been around since the mid-90s. He has a site that looks like it's been around since the mid-'90s. It's alexchu.com. Yeah. And he's famous for selling a device called the Eternal Life device, which is a series of magnets you put on your fingers and on your toes.

Okay. And they make you live forever. Really? Like, okay. It would be nice if you could share some of this. Yeah, but the funny thing about this is I'm not actually going to talk about those. Well, the content

on the site about that is amazing. I cannot do it justice without the illustrations. And illustrations don't really work in an audio-only podcast. They do not. No. Draw a picture with your words, Boots. I do every time.

I know. So what do you have for us instead? And will it make us immortal? Yeah, it looks like in the mid-2000s, he's introduced an additional product to enhance the effectiveness of the immortality device. And he calls it the Gorgeous Pill. Yay!

You're gorgeous! So not only will you live forever, you'll remain beautiful? So pretty. Without sucking the youth out of young women like I'd like to? Yes. You become younger and more beautiful every day that you take the pill. So you get Benjamin Buttoned? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright, sweet.

And I'd just like to say that right off the bat, he spoils the contents of the pill. So if you wanted to make it at home without purchasing it from a site, you could. And here's what you need for it. Alright, so what do we need? What do we need for the gorgeous pill? The ingredients are lemon peel,

orange peel, turmeric, fenugreek, white pepper, black pepper, and ginseng. That sounds kind of gross. He sounds like he's making a soup. It's a really shitty chai tea. I was going to say it's a bad Tom Yum, but yeah. Yeah. So, now that you know what's in it, let's talk about what it does. Yes, please. Alright. Reading from AlexChew.com

slash gorgeous. Alex Chew's another important invention. Gorgeous pill. TM pending. It was named gorgeous pill because it turns a user prettier every time the pill is taken. The user will gradually look like a supermodel, and then he will surpass the hottest celebrity supermodels within months. It is strong enough to change the shape of your facial bones.

No more plastic surgery. No more implants. Simply pop the pills and look prettier each morning. All right. The immortality rings can only stop you from aging and can reverse aging to a certain degree. But what can continue to make your body look younger and prettier each morning? What can guarantee a constant amount of healing each night until your body is perfect? Alex Chu's new invention, Super Body Healing.

Oh, more drugs. Yep. Trademarked gorgeous pill. TM pending. Oh. Okay. So the trademark's coming. Right. It is trademarked, but the trademark TM pending. Oh. So the trademark's coming. Right. It is trademarked,

but the trademark is pending. It'll be here any day. They said it was in the mail. This pill, invented by Alex Chu, is so powerful that it makes a person more and more gorgeous every day. I like to get content that has the word every day all as one word.

You can also dent your navel like that. The better than expected result surprises even Alex Chu himself. And here's a point form list of the effects of the pill. Okay. If your head is too big, the pill will shrink your head size. Yes.

Wow. Man, did you see that girl? Her head was fucking tiny. Yes, the pill is strong enough to change the shape of your bones. If your nose is too large, it is believed that this pill will reduce the size of your nose. It is believed. If your eyes are ugly, this pill will gradually make your eyes look beautiful. Even if people can tell that you are blind or have serious vision problems,

your eyes will become attractive enough to look healthy. They'll be attractive enough, you know. If any part of your body is deformed, this pill will force the cells to realign, thus making that body part look normal. Yes. If you are too skinny, this pill will give you more muscles. This pill of

citrus peel and spices. It won't make your existing muscles bigger. It gives you more muscles. Oh, shit. That sounds like a problem. Like those double-muscled greyhounds that look like they've been bodybuilding?

No, no, this is more muscles. Like, now I can control my clitoris a lot better. Yeah, the gluteus superlicus. Good. Well, that's great. Completely different muscle set. Yeah. If your back is crooked, this pill will straighten up your back.

All right. Why do you need a pill to do that? Unbelievable! But this invention was invented by the famous Alex Chu himself. And if you can't trust Alex Chu technology, you can't trust nobody's technology. Oh, my God. His only nemesis is a guy named Nobody's. Holy shit.

How it works. Look up nobody.com slash gorgeous. I can't trust the stone wheel anymore. Sorry, Alex Chu. How it works. We humans constantly look for beautiful partners for mating. The more beautiful a person is, the more superior a person's genes is. A superior person is more smart, more fun, more romantic, more

flexible, and more productive. Just by looking at people's faces, you can tell who is romantic and who is dumb. That's the dichotomy there, yeah. Alex, Alex choose eugenics dating.

If the blood circulation of the brain is poor, that person's facial expression will be ugly. If the brain functions very well, that person's face should be pretty. Okay?

Should be. Stephen Hawking, for example. Yeah. This pill, if used correctly, will stimulate all cells in your body, forcing them to rebound

and regroup themselves. What? The pill pulls your entire body together, increases chi energy and circulation to all organs, and gets rid of chi blockades around the body. Pick, set up the chi blockades!

They're getting through! I'm a chi blockade runner, baby. But I thought that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. How does a pill know how to turn a person prettier? The human body The human shit is very much like The human shit can also be gorgeous with a pill.

The human body is very much like a sex balloon doll. Very much. The air is its chi energy. What do you mean very much like? It's very much like. We are all sex dolls. Yep. In the cosmos.

I am. Without enough air, the doll will look ugly because its body or its face will not be in the perfect shape, just like humans. If a person has a weak chi flow, he will look ugly because his body or his face won't look perfect. We didn't get inflated properly. Why don't you re-inflate yourself, you stupid fucking idiot? Yeah. There's two kinds

of faces, low PSI bastard. Yeah, perfect and ugly. The immortality rings are like an air pump, which pumps extra air into your body every night. But if a certain part of your body is damaged or is clogged up, air cannot flow through that area. Therefore, that area of your body has weak chi flowing through and looks ugly. Therefore, that area of your body has weak qi flowing through and looks ugly.

If a certain part of your body receives weak qi flow, then that part of your body starts to fall apart. Then cancer, tumor, or other diseases develop there. The gorgeous pill functions like a lubricant. Once the lubricant has been applied to the damaged or clogged area, the qi channel opens up, allowing the air flow through. Then that area will look more perfect as more qi energy has been applied to the damaged or clogged area, the Qi channel opens up, allowing the air flow through. Then that area will look more perfect as more Qi energy has been pumped in.

Once your body reaches perfection, you become prettier, because perfection equals beauty. So basically, Gorgeous Pill helps you reach perfection. Oh. Hey, I got a question for you, man. Okay. I got a question. I like chubby women, and he likes skinny women.

Everybody views beauty differently. How can gorgeous pill guarantee a progressive beauty? By eliminating ugliness. Sure. That's how. It's hard to define beauty, but it's very easy to define ugliness. Disfigurement is ugliness. Retarded-looking face is ugliness.

Too dark or too pale is ugliness. Too fat or tooment is ugliness. Retarded looking face is ugliness. Too dark or too pale is ugliness. Too fat or too skinny is ugliness. Nose too wide or too thin is ugliness. Anything that shows a sign of poor health or out of balance, Chi Flow, is ugliness. Wow, you've never met perverts on the internet. Gorgeous Pill will stimulate all cells in your body, forcing them to regroup and reheal.

The result is a better balanced and better traffic of Chi Flow. Gorgeous Pill will eliminate all cells in your body, forcing them to regroup and reheal. The result is a better balance and better traffic of chi flow. Gorgeous Pill will eliminate all those ugliness for you. The lesser of the ugliness you have on you, the prettier you become. Agree? I guess so. Yeah, if the prettiness slider goes from ugliness to prettiness, then you become prettier. Yes. Like in an MMO. Yeah, it's like making a character out of a Bethesda game.

You will look more and more superior every day. You will be hooked up on this pill. Sorry, you will be hooked on this pill. There we go. But best of all, this pill is good for your body. It is made out of all natural food products. They are absolutely no harmful side effects. Whoever takes this pill and uses Alex Chu's immortality devices is considered a human type 2.

Oh, shit. The more superior type of human. Oh. I don't want to convince you anymore. Okay. Bye. I'm tired. I'm going to bed now.

The bottom line is this. This pill has been invented by Alex Chu himself. And you know one thing about Alex Chu. When something came out of Alex Chu's laboratory, it must be hell of amazing. That's pretty crazy. I remember when I had too much sugar and I contracted type 2 human. It was pretty devastating.

This pill is good for regular people or people who have cancer, HIV, herpes, or any kind of handicaps, etc. I cannot legally say that this pill can cure handicaps or cancer, etc. But this pill will give you lots of healing feeling at around the handicapped or cancer-infected areas. Might irritate stomach if you have an ulcer.

Consult your doctor if you're pregnant or has food allergy or ulcer. This pill is not a drug, and no medical claim has been made. This pill will not function properly without the immortality rates. Of course. Oh.

That makes perfect sense. One month's supply, 130 capsules, 500 milligrams. Guaranteed made out of all natural herbs. Just $27 per bottle plus shipping. At the end of the month, if I stop taking it. I invented this in second grade. Ugly here again? You know what I thought was dumb?

It had a lot more pixie sticks in it, but yeah. And that was Alex Chu's gorgeous belt. That was wonderful. I like that Alex Chu thinks that his name is synonymous with trustworthiness. Yeah. He is the acme of immortality rooms. Look at that picture of him that he's been using on his site since 1996. He looks so young.

That's true. And blurry. That picture was taken yesterday. List your site URL for here. I also like that on the front of his site, it says, Thomas Edison, Nikola Tesla,

Albert Einstein, Alex Chu. And Alex Chu's picture is twice as big as the rest of them. Oh, hey, Gorgiasville is out of date. It's no longer listed on the web and the internet. Uh, Stog! Stog! What sort of things do you have for us?

Well, I would like to introduce everybody to Onidious Mad Hatter. Oh, no. Oh, dear. Okay. Onidious Mad Hatter, a.k.a. Matthew Moulton's goal, is to be the coolest, loudest, most arrogant kid on the Internet without accomplishment. His exploits on the Internet have backfired so spectacularly

that his name is forever linked to a 16-year-old posting history on Usenet and various Internet forums that are filled with failure, adult baby fetishism, and football stadium-sized piles of disgust for anyone who cares to read it. All right, terrific. I think the best way to talk about Matthew is to start from a mundane occurrence and go from there. So basically, this one occurrence happened

between him and another web developer. He posts as Readman on the forum Starman, and Matthew responded with this. Oh, wait a minute. Oh, God. He got into a fight with the guy that owns Starman.net? The guy that owns Fangamer? Good Lord. Okay, keep going.

Alright. That guy's like the super nicest guy in the world, so this idea of this guy being mean to him. So, at the same time, another web designer reported Matthew to Flickr, which resulted in this warning. Threats.

Mr. Moulton. This is a mail from Nate Claver. Mr. Moulton, please note both Flickr.com and the proper authorities have been notified as I have flagged you as A. A potential pedophile. B. A potential sexual predator. C. Making unwarranted threats. All information has been submitted to them, and any future communication will be directed to them as well. This warning was not from Reedman, but Matthews sent this rant to him anyway.

LOL! Boy, I think you broke the irony meter on that one, kiddo. Unless you're now claiming to be underage. Boy, won't that be fun to tell your clients. I don't see where you're coming up with these random pedo-accusations. Well, I mean, other than the old angry desperation thing you got going, it's pretty difficult with your type. You go around mouthing off, then you get put to your place for somewhere better. But oh no, you're from the little Johnny Flux school education. Pass

the lock one grade to the next, always getting an A for having a positive attitude, always having someone there to spoon feed you and wipe your ass for you, never once even tasting the bitterness of failure or inadequacy. Well, until you reach the real world

anyway, then you meet someone like me who pretty much bitch slaps you eight ways to last Tuesday with your own stupidity. What? Snicker. Snicker. Wait, was that him eating a Snickers bar or was that... Yeah, this is Snickers break. Yeah, that's the cue.

Have you seen a picture of a Snickers break? Next paragraph break, he'll say, Next paragraph break he'll say Kit Kat You're way out of this one You're legal this one You clueless wabby and we netters Well we don't ever go easy On your type

Anything you censor, delete or try and hide Will be posted publicly on Usenet And no sparkles You can't get things taken off Usenet Once posted, posts are permanent They can't get things taken off of Usenet. Once posted, posts are permanent. They can't ever be undone. They are forever.

And no matter if you're bitching and wanting to flicker or any other entity that has nothing to do with Usenet at all is going to bother listening to you so long as I follow the rules on their site. The key phrase being their site. It's high time you put on some big girl panties and learn to wipe your own ass, kiddo. Nods. Funny that he's using all these girl panty and ass wiping

metaphors, given his interests. Hey, uh, Stog, um, I've heard something of the Sonius Mad Hatter and, um, a friend of the podcast, Dan Lacey, is a follower of Onidius Uncensored. Yep.

And I think Onidius wants to explain to us the faggot phenomenon. Oh, dear. Will you please explain to me what the faggot phenomenon is? Because it sounds exciting. That's my favorite gay wrestler. Yeah, brother! Let's talk about homosexuals for a bit, shall we?

Now you always hear people yammer on about how you natural homos are and how perverted they are. But honestly, I think they've got it completely backward. On the contrary, faggots are extremely important to the survival of this planet. To put it as bluntly as possible, on a purely genetic level, nature itself has recognized

that humanity is a fucking plague on this planet, and in that case, some way, will destroy the entire Earth itself and all life upon it. As such, as a genetic failsafe, more and more people are being born homosexual in order to prevent

mass breeding and to blunt the incredible overpopulation of the human species. Simply put, the more people who are gay, the less we'll be able to breathe through conventional means, and the less people there will be on the planet. Tres- Boo!

I can think of one person who's a plague on the planet. Oh, is that it? All the gay people's posters ran, then all the gay people kill them? Okay, I'm done with my Snickers break. I have something to say about depressed people, too. Similarly, there's also an increase in people who are depressed. I believe that this depression is a completely natural occurrence and is basically another kind of genetic failsafe.

Basically, on the genetic level, your body knows that you're an evolutionary dead end. So in order to prevent you from breeding and passing on your faulty genes, a trigger is kicked in on your brain to make you feel so depressed that you'll want to kill yourself. We're the Man of Fatal Species. That's good. Yeah, I love it. This guy wrote The Happening, didn't he? Am I a shaman that stole my movie?

And again, it's completely unnatural, and anyone who is feeling overly depressed should be highly encouraged to end their lives as a gift to the rest of us who enjoy life and enjoy living. I can just imagine him saying this as he's shoveling fucking Twinkies into his mouth with his horrible sausage fingers grinning

about how much he enjoys life compared to those horrible depressed people. What did you say? Wow. What was you say? Wow. What was that? Someone pulled their Twiki muscle, though. Their deaths will mean more oxygen for the rest of us, as well as reducing precious wasted resources,

which in turn will benefit the planet. And honestly, is the continuation of a planet more important than the life of someone who is depressed who wants to die? I want you to die. It really makes no sense at all to try and intervene and prevent such a natural and beautiful sacrifice to Mother Earth. Those who want to kill themselves should be praised and remembered throughout history as patriots and warriors in the fight to save the planet from the human disease which has infested her for so long. It is only because of selfish human

perversion that we try to interfere with such a natural evolutionary design. Anime face! Fat smiling. Wow, so Matthew Bolton, that was quite a screed about perversion and superior species.

Anyway, will you please read your for sale ad? Because, you piece of shit. For two ale. I hope you noticed that What do you have for sale there Onidious Mad Hatter Currently I have several gigabytes Worth of adult baby video material That I've collected

Oh good Yes it's good I'm currently selling a la carte video CDs for $5 a piece. Shipping is included for Continental US. Each CD holds 700 megabytes of data. So if you want a CD, all you have to do is go through the list below, choose the data you want, and then add up all the MB to determine how many CDs it'll take.

Jesus Christ. Once you decide which files you want, send the list to me at dead email and I will give you the address where you can send your payment to. Once your payment has been received, I'll send your CD, which you should get in about four to five business days.

Alright, Stog, can we skip ahead past the several Rugrats videos? Yeah, quite a few Rugrats videos. Yeah, and just start reading off some of the other cartoons section of CDs that are available of this enormous, enormous fucking collection. Because there's also like Huggies commercials, Pampers commercials,

Loves commercials. Here's a random sampling of videos you can select from. King of the Hill, Peggy Hill, The Declining Fall, Jack Cowan Chicken, Failed Trip to Folsom Prison,

Dot M Peg, Darkwing Duck. Disguise the Limit clip. Darkwing Duck in a diaper. Holy shit! The Care Bears. Fountain of Youth. Dot MPEG.

Oh my god! Bad World. Let's begin. Music videompg And I have a good selection of commercials for you to choose from Huggy Supreme Five Kinds Huggy's Ultra Gym Breathable Diapers Pull-Ups Potty Training Advice

Loves Three Different Commercials Pamper Size 6 Pamper's Premium Pull-ups potty training advice Loves Three different commercials Pampers size 6 Pampers premium Pampers trainers Pampers perks Pampers forever young Latex tampons

Pad like a diaper Poise bladder control pads Burger king kids and harnesses. Burger King. Burger King kids and high chairs. Let's go in together on this. You get the clip from Stop or My Mom Will Shoot, and I'll get the clip from PCU, and then we can trade, okay?

I would like to point out that coming soon is I'll Be That Girl by the Barenaked Ladies. Oh, fuck. What's the closet of my rich list? Hey, Matt Moulton. After all that, I've decided that I really want to rely on you for

nutritional advice. So, tell me what I should be drinking. Oh, you found my alt.fan.deanstark.diaperplay posts. I unfortunately did find that, yes. Those are all the way back from 1999. Simpler time.

Anyway, oh, and this is why I still call myself Baby Matthew. I wonder why that is. For healthy reasons, I'm sure. Oh, this is about wetting your diaper. Actually, if you want a really powerful diuretic, drink Mountain Dew. Drink three or four cans,

and you'll be peeing like a racehorse every ten minutes. Whoa. Yay! Thank God he's here to do the math for me. So drink a lot and you'll pee a lot. Yes! That's how it works. Do that and wear diapers 24-7 and pee immediately upon

feeling the urge. Eventually you'll train yourself to do this and every time you need to pee you'll feel the urge but it'll start flowing before you really know what's going on. This is what I did, and it worked really well. The problem comes in that Mountain Dew

is also loaded with a ton of caffeine, and you can get addicted to it. Oh, there's yeah, there's the unfortunate downside to this paradise. If you stop drinking it one day, you'll get massive headaches and generally won't feel too good.

Ah, caffeine. One of the last truly legal drugs that Dewey's didn't seem to concern anyone. Remember when no one knew smoking could kill you? Have good times. Good God. Nutshell! Yes! Nutshell, what do you have for us?

Oh, gosh. Well, I... Originally, I had something about the Elven Holocaust. And we all know about the Elven Holocaust. What is the Elven Holocaust, Nutshell? It's sad. Well, it's where, you know... You don't know.

Thousands of years ago, all the horrible, evil humans put elves into concentration camps and, yeah. Space elves. I guess I missed that. Okay, okay. That's a misanthropic 14-year-old novel. I found stuff that was, well,

Portex found stuff that was space elves, but they had some interesting links to some non-space elves, too. And the thing about the Thousand-Year Elven Holocaust, which is apparently a huge conspiracy by the Illuminati and the Pope. And there's some Knights Templars in there somewhere, but I'm not sure if they're good guys or bad guys. And, yeah.

All right, well, tell us about the Thousand-Year-Old Holocaust, please. Okay, well, here's part of part one. The study of history is as much the study of etymology as it is the study and interpretation of actual events. Both are often a daunting task because ultimately history is always written by the victors, and the meaning of language and the significance of historical events are invariably decided by those whose hands have taken a firm hold of the tiller that steers society's ship. You with me so far?

Oh, yeah. We're on a ship. Okay. The word fairy, as we have come to understand it from our educators, or deceivers, suggests one of a variety of mythic or imaginary beings whose shape, size, habitat, and customs differ according to geography and ethnic or aboriginal folk tradition. Lately, a fairy has come to mean a homosexual as well.

Oh, I got it. Oh, irritating. Matthew Bolton, anything to chime in with? No! No! Get back in your fucking closet! No! You can never keep me down! A real fairy who couldn't give a toss

about anyone's sexual orientation. It's all bread and bread after all. Whatever that means. Sure. Whilst dismissing the latter definition

entirely, would nevertheless take extreme exception to the former definition for the following reason. Next to the Jews, no race in history has suffered

more brutality and racial prejudice than the elves. Oh, that's nice. That's nice of you. Because I can't think of anyone else that's suffered. For over a thousand years, the church initiated a consistent policy of genocide that was and still is unrivaled in human history in terms of its relentlessness, violence, and hatred.

The author uses the word genocide, and in 1944, Raphael Lemkin formulated the term to define an attempt at the destruction of the national group as an entity, and the actions involved are directed at individuals not in their individual capacity, but as members of a national group. Bracket. Elves don't exist. Bracket. However, Mr. Green, or Mrs. Leibowitz, if instead, after replying Jewish, the listener bursts into fits of laughter and replied,

don't be such a lunatic. Jews don't exist. They're just a myth. How would you feel then? Isn't that what genocide or ethnic cleansing is all about? Eradicating all trace of a culture from the human consciousness? This is what has happened to the fairy race. How would you like it if you were in Dungeons and Dragons, Jew? Certainly the Germans tried it with the Jews,

and if they had been given the time the church has had to achieve what they have achieved, no doubt in a thousand years from now the Jews would have also become a myth. But this already happened to the fairies. Little trace of their culture or identity exists outside of a handful of the old families or beyond the covers of sanitized storybooks for children or tomes on rustic folk tradition in which hints of the old lore still remain hidden. or tomes on rustic folk tradition in which hints of the old lore still remain hidden. Mr. Green and Miss Leibowitz

can go about their business in relative freedom and can be openly proud of their nationality and their cultural heritage. For a thousand years, the fairies have had to conceal their identities and live in hiding for fear of being torn to shreds or burnt alive. For a thousand years,

it has been a crime to be of the elven race, and you may be surprised learn that it still is today whilst the jews by the grace of god enjoy the acceptance of their race won through the backlash of public opinion against the nazi holocaust the thousand year elven holocaust has been you know i didn't much care for Jews until that whole Holocaust thing happened. Then I felt kind of guilty. The thousand-year elven Holocaust has been forgotten, and still the fairies have to remain in hiding contemporarily for fear of ridicule and ostracization.

But isn't the whole point that they were completely wiped out? If they still have some remaining that are hiding out, I didn't mean to ask you a question. I'm sorry. Please continue. At the very beginning, you explained that the elves had it worse than everyone except for the Jews. Seems like the elves had it worse than the Jews. You know, I think that's kind of, in some ways, what is being said here.

Yeah, I wouldn't want to qualify it. But there's no elf in Israel. Yeah, that's true. Well, there is, but the orcs are claiming it right now. Oh, yeah. There's spawn camping, and it's really hard to get a foot in. Okay, let's see. In 1736, the Witchcraft Act was repealed.

However, it was replaced by the Fraudulent Mediums Act, which is still in force and simply says in one way what the witchcraft act said in another according to christian doctrine no one can contact departed spirits and if this is admitted then perforce all mediums are fraudulent because the english language defines a medium as being a person who has commerce with the souls of the dead by dragon definition a witch meaning a fairy is a medium and the law would lay a fine distinction upon exactly what the witch mediates with or how if they decided they wanted to win an argument it will be noticed at this juncture that by definition in their prayers to and visions of

christ the virgin mary and the departed saints all those who currently call themselves christians are in fact indulging in mediumship, the very act which the church says is impossible, and by which edict they render their entire following heretical. Are we talking about regular Christ or dragon Christ? I think we're talking about regular Christ. I think dragon Christ

would be okay with this person. Dragon Christ! He's a superstar! This has always been the case, and during the witch craze, you know, you remember the witch craze, guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All things considered, it was actually the heretics who were burning the

Orthodox Christians. Huh? Okay. Public schooling sucks. A little bit of revisionism, but okay, sure. No, no, look, hey. We're all Orthodox Christians, man. The newest information is the most correct information.

That's how it works. If the witch mediates with ancestors, she claims to be able to contact the dead. As the church says this is impossible, the witch is a fraud and is breaking the law. Ergo, to be or to claim to be a witch and consequently a fairy on that count alone is illegal. Witchcraft laws are alive and well and living in a statute book near you. Further, by implication, it is possible for a fairy to be tried under the Treason Act as well on two counts. Mr. and Mrs. America, the law could be in your very home. Firstly, Her Majesty the Queen is christian and head of the church of

england no fairy aware of his or her history and the atrocities committed against their people could ever be what is contemporarily thought of as an orthodox christian and in this sense they run the risk of committing an act of treason by denying the christian faith because in doing so like others following different paths, they refute and insult the faith of the Her Majesty. Okay, the one Her Majesty. Yes, just the one. Secondly, the Ferry family stood in absolute opposition

to the donation of Constantine, this being the document that was used to usurp them and initiate the Elven Holocaust itself in the first place. The donation of Constantine first appeared in the 8th century and was a document which purported to recognize the Roman popes as Christ's representatives on Earth. And to donate to Pope Sylvester and the Roman Church, all those imperial powers formally invested in the throne of Byzantium.

Can we get back to Dragon Jesus? Yeah, okay. Let's slow down a little bit. Let's see. How many hit points does Dragon Jesus have? Well, here's something about a Dragon King. A lot, but if you score a critical... That's good, that's good. Dragon Kings are almost as good as Christ. The donation, because it was made by a Dragon King,

Constantine legitimized the Church's right... Nah, this is more Church stuff. But Constantine was a Dragon King. Yes. I'm pretty sure Constantine the Dragon King is like an elite mark in Final Fantasy XII. Pretty sure. Constantine. Let's see.

Something about the Benetians. Church's choice of benefactor. Only the Dragonblood would be recognized as true kings. You know, I think I played this game. Yeah, Fus Ro Dah. No, I'm thinking of Dragon Age, actually, but close. Let's see. Royal Dynasties.orenzo vala the new testament

let's see again for asserting this kind of view that fairies are in prison are implicitly guilty of treason even though all british laws were constitutionally illegal and the act of treason even though all British laws were constitutionally illegal and the act of treason itself is a non sequitur I think take the last three paragraphs there because obviously there's a whole lot of elvish holocaust history to go through we unfortunately have to skip over some of it for time

but we can still get a nice summary to this so the last three at the very bottom yeah the warriors the warriors were hired caucasians not bloodline aryans the upheaval and resultant inequity and iniquity within the caste system occurred when many aryan queens and kings were legitimately displaced by their society's war kings in times of trouble but were never returned to their thrones because the conflicts often carried on for decades sometimes however having had a taste of power treacherous Yay!

Who were they? Who were they? Boo! they who are they that's right the settled warehouse tinkers the cheating peasants with money who are the ancestors of the upper and middle classes of today some of them were sneaky and one wouldn't realize that they were and still are middle-class peasants even today they're poor well clearly now we all know as everything we need to know about the holocaust why don't you try looking at other books by bibliotecaplaiotes.net slash dragons slash crazy shit. My name is Michael, and I read the Dragon Holocaust. I would recommend anyone that's interested in elves or holocausts to read this book.

Well, at least they're reading. Thank you, Elvish Amy Lee. My interests are elves, holocaust, dragon kings, and Jesus. In that order. Bunnybread! Bunnybread, what have you brought back

from the dark place known as the internet? Man, I don't go to that fucking place anymore. I'm just going to hum to myself for ten minutes. Well, in that case, let me restate that. What has Portex found for you that you're going to pass off as your own? Hang on here. I'll just throw the whole sumbitch in here. There you go.

Jesus. What? Okay, what? What is this? All right. Okay, so. This am I doing here? All right. Okay, so. This is. Continue with the evil.

Okay, so. This is great. Since Bunnyworth's not sure what this is, and frankly, I'm not really either, but. Wait, wait, wait. Excuse me. I'm the expert here. I'll port to excuse me. All right.

Now, so, anyways. Yep. A long time ago. Yep. Ken Burns did a documentary about Middle Earth. Sure. Yep. And then later, this guy named Tolkien, he wrote some books about that movie.

Yep. And then it turns out Tolkien, he had a granddaughter named Laura, Laura Tolkien. Okay. And she followed in his footsteps amazingly well. And that's about it. Is this about the Elephant Holocaust? Yeah, we dabble in that a little bit. I think about halfway through.

I don't know. I haven't read it. In a sense, it's an aggravating factor. Bring it to me. I'm curious, afraid, and horny. Let's go. All right. You're always all those three things when I'm talking.

So is the author. Legolas was writing... Oh, excuse me. This is officially called Legolas by Laura. So I think that's the entire title. By Laura. Yes. Legolas was riding along the woods,

and one day he found a baby waked in cold. So he got off his horse and went to the baby, and then Legolas said, Uh, who left you here, little one? And then the baby just cried. And then Legolas picked her up and held her. And then the baby stopped crying. And then Legolas picked her up and held her. And then the baby stopped crying. Stoped crying, excuse me. I'm illiterate.

And then Legolas said, Let me be clear. Your name is going to be Laura. And then Legolas and the baby went on to the horse and went back to the castle where he lived. Legolas said, Father, Mother,

I found this little baby in the woods. And then Legolas' mother got up and walked down and said, How can people put baby in the woods to die? And then Legolas' father said,

We are going to keep her. Oh my god, no. And then, and then, Legolas' father said, We are going to keep her. Oh my god, no. No, no. And then, and then, Legolas was happy for summarizing. For summarizing, he loves his synopsis. So this guy has an internal monologue of just somebody saying, And then what? Ten years later, Legolas got up and went to Delora's room and said,

Good morning. And then Laura said, Shit, I used up my Edith Bunker voice already. And then Laura said, Hey, good morning, too, man. Tommy Chong? Yep. Tommy Chong and Obama.

Yes, she did. Ten years, that's all it takes. Right, Tommy Chong and Obama. You need a little. Ten years, that's all it takes. Right. Tommy Chong and Obama. You need a little bit of Bob Dylan in there. Oh, yeah. Then Legolas said, what's the matter? And then Laura said, hey, Legolas, I want you to know how to ride a horse, man.

Sounds like a cheech. We're going to be doing both. If Cheech and Chong had a child, this child would be Laura. Then Legolas said, okay. And then Legolas said... First, let me be clear. Yes? Excuse me.

First, let you get dresses and have something to eat. And then we will go for a horse ride lesson. and have something to eat, and then we will go for a horse ride lesson. Meanwhile, Strider and Gandalf was running towards where Legolas lived, and then Strider said, Shit, what do we got here? Oh, Gandalf, I did not know Legolas had a sister.

And then Gandalf said, Well, I did not know his will. Meanwhile, at Mondor, the Dark Lord was planning to kidnap the princess, but not Legolas. Then the boss of the orcs came and said, I'll go get you for her, sir. And then the Dark Lord said, Wow, this is quite showing your range. Who would have thought?

And then the Dark Lord, somebody give me a voice. Mitch McConnell. Then the Dark,... Somebody give me a voice. Mitch McConnell. Then the Dark... Who? Yeah, Mitch McConnell. Then the Dark Lord said, Yes, you can. I'm a goddamn turtle.

Turtle. Meanwhile, Meanwhile, Legolas and Laura was horse riding and then Laura said, which one was it? Oh, yeah. Legolas, who's that? And then Legolas and Laura was horse riding. And then Laura said, which one was it? Oh, yeah.

Legolas, who's that? And then Legolas looked, and it was Gandalf and Strider. Legolas said, that is Gandalf and Stradier. And then Strider said, which one was he? I think he was the one that sounded like Zoidberg. There we go, yeah. And then Strider said, Legolas, my friend. And then Legolas said, Strider, long time seen. And then Strider said, how's you?

And then Legolas said, I am fine. And then Legolas said, Well, who's this then? And then Legolas said, Meet Laura. I found her in the woods when she was just a baby. Laura was shy at first. And then Legolas said, Laura, come and meet Strider and Gandalf.

And then Laura said, Which one? Oh, fuck. Hello, guys. I'm Laura. And then Laura said, Which one? Talk shop. Hello, guys! I'm Laura! And she... Legolas said, She is the princess. And then Strider said,

I can't keep track of this. Yeah, you're really being punished for this decision, aren't you? And then Strider said, She's all't you? And then Stryker said, And then Legolas said, And then Gandalf said, And then Laura said,

He protects me, man. That's why I'm a fucking idiot. And then Legolas looked up and said, And then Legolas looked up and said, I think we should go back to the castle. And then Laura said, I can fucking feel it too, man. And then about two more paragraphs of shitty writing happened because I got to skip ahead for time. All right. Then what happened? Meanwhile, the orcs was.

Oh, I think Laura got stolen by orcs or something. Sure. Whatever. There we go. What did that, I think Laura got stolen by orcs or something. Sure, whatever. What did that sound like? She got stolen by young Republicans. I already did by Mitch McConnell. Here we go. Let's branch out. I can't do a Barney Frank. Christopher Walken! Christopher Walken!

Mitch Hedberg! I'm a bunch of orcs! I've gonna be taking these guys do Paula Deen you have to do Paula Deen doing Christopher

walking oh yeah that'll be the new dark lord okay that's it no more Mitch McConnell meanwhile

the orcs was back at Mondor and then Laura said put me fucking down man this is like stupid I can walk and then the orcsor and then Laura said, put me fucking down! This is stupid. I can walk. And then the

orcs did. And then the dark lord came out of the fire and said, Welcome, y'all! Hi, Laura! How you doing? Oh, Jesus Christ. And then Laura looked at him and said,

Get me! And then she tried to run away said, No, get me! And then she tried to run away, but the orcs got her. And then the dark lord said, Hey, I'll put her up in that cell right there and add some butter and oil to her and put on a little bit of milk and bat her and also do whatever you want with her, but do not kill her. Then the orcs took her to the cell and trowel her into the cell, and then they shut the door. Laura go up and went to the window and looked out, and she was wishing that Legolas, or someone, will save her.

Meanwhile, back at the castle of Milkwood, Legolas was getting the army ready to go and save Laura. Meanwhile, Laura was sitting on the floor and then the door opened and it was some orcs. And the orcs tied Laura with some chains and then one of the orcs striped her and then he raped her and then Laura said Go away, bad sheep man! Quit all striping me and shit!

Wow, that's a hot rape scene. Yep. Then another orc came with a whip and wiped her head hard and then the orcs all together beat her almost to death Yep. Then another orc came with a whip and wiped her head hard. And then the orcs all together bet her almost to death. And then the Dark Lord came in with a tube of poswong, and then he injected it into Laura. Oh, not a fish ingestion. Few hours later, Legolas and the others was on the way to Mondor to save Princess Laura

meanwhile in the cell where Laura has been kept Laura woke up and she looked on her body there was blood and scars she only could move her right arm but not her left then Laura said I feel cold and shit wow

and then she can't see very well at the front gates of mondor was legolas and the others and then they said uh let laura go let laura go let laura go and then the dark lord let my laura go okay uh Let me be clear. Let Laura go. And then the Dark Lord said, No, y'all! Fuck you! And then Legolas said, Right.

Lysol, I will climb up to the cell and get Laura, and you and the others will find another way in. Then, uh, Strider said, Shit. Just start making up voices for every single person. Zoidberg. Strider said Shit Just start making up voices for every single person

Zoidberg, Strider is Zoidberg Okay, then Strider said Oh, we're past that part And then Legolas started to climb up Meanwhile, Strider and the others ran into Mondor And went into the castle. Gandalf said, I will go and kill the Dark Lord, and you and the others go and help Legolas.

Also, hook me up with that Dark Lord. She sounds like a fine little frisky filly. Stridier said, Be careful, be careful. And then Gandalf said, Meanwhile, Legolas got to the cell, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and something about the door knocking down. Laura said, And then Legolas looked and saw she was coved in blood and scars.

Also, she was naked. Which... And then Legolas said, she was coved in blood and scars. Also, she was naked. Okay. Which... And then Legolas said, Why they did it to you, not me. And then the orcs came and said... What were the orcs again? We represent the lollipop, yeah,

because she got the power and she can destroy us, all the bad guys. Then the bad guys. Then the fright began. Yes, it's Friday Night Frights here on HBO. I'm startled. I'm startled.

They win or something, right? Okay, sure. A few hours later, they were at Rivendell and Legolas stayed at Laura's side every day until she wakes up and then Legolas kissed Laura's side every day until she wakes up. And then Legolas kissed Laura on her lips. And then she moved her arms around Legolas. And then Legolas said, all you, all right.

And then Laura said, yes, I am. Legolas said, I am so happy. And then Laura said, you want to be my boyfriend and then legolas said yes i will be your uh your boyfriend and then laura and legolas kissed again laura said what happened to me legolas and then legolas said you got kidnapped by the orcs and they raped you and also bet you almost to death and then the dark lord gave you some uh posse and then laura said why i can only move on arm and then legolas said your left arm is uh is broken and then the door opened and it was strider and then laura said hello strider

and then strider said also they, all right! And then Laura... What? The end. Ah! What happened? That was it. That's how it... Everybody got high and then they forgot all about it.

Always leave them wanting more. Good. Kumquat! What on earth do you have for us? So, back in ye olden days of the internet, there was a site called Portal of Evil. And one day on the forums, we encountered, I think, a furry comedian?

Oh no, this is to the ranting griffin, isn't it? You are correct. Yay! And for those listeners out there, to the Ranting Griffin, he made his name 2,

as in poop. Yeah, not T-W-O either. The number 2. No, the actual integer two. Right. That is his name. Also poop. Yeah.

And we found his site and laughed about it on the forums. This was circa 2001, 2002, I don't know. And he noticed the traffic coming from the forums. There ensued the standard kind of forum fun. But after that, in response to this happening, he actually recorded one of his, what he calls, rants. Which is an mp3 file of him doing his comedy thing. I don't know. Right, yeah.

Him doing his comedy thing. I don't know. Yeah. And he posted a rant about the Portal of Evil. And it was. That's what you're going to read for us? I am going to be reading on a podcast a text transcript of a 10-year-old MP3 recording about us. Holy shit. Yay.

This is an Ouroboros of stupid. All right. You are correct. Holy shit. This is an Ouroboros of stupid. You are correct. Alright, yeah, absolutely. You can bring it to me. See, the image of a griffin eating itself. Ha ha ha ha ha. Uh-huh. Right.

Mwahahahaha! I made it on to the portal of evil site. Yay! I guess. Congratulations. I guess that means I'm officially evil now? Probably not. I'm on there with all these other crazy sites. You know, the Brent Spiner in tights homepage?

The fans of Madonna's armpits homepage? And everyone goes there to post on these message boards and gripe about all this evil, unchristian shit. Unchristian. So, uh... As the God-fearing members of POE often did come quite

since there isn't this is an audio podcast there isn't an applause sign will you give us some sort of indication when we as the stand-up comedy audience are supposed to laugh yeah it's when I jerk off to furry porn. Oh, that's a good joke.

So we should have been laughing this whole time. I don't think I can applaud to that. Oh, is that what Two did? Would he go to comedy clubs dressed up as a griffin with his dick hanging out, and then everyone would laugh the entire time he did his set? And they'd be like, man, that must be really funny. Yep.

Woo-hoo! It's ironic! I haven't even started my set yet, guys. Alright. And you know what? It's all cool. I'm serious! I had some friends write to me and say, oh,

these people are terrible for putting you on there, and everyone is bashing your site now, and you should go and complain and rip their eyeballs out. No, no, no, no. By friends, does he mean the voices in his head? No, friends. Furry porn.

Oh. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's all cool. If people have the right to look at my stuff and enjoy it, then they have the right to look at my stuff and hate it, too. Hey, that's correct. Yes, I agree. Yes.

But here's the part I don't get. You've got this whole group of people whose sole purpose in life is apparently to stare at things they find disgusting, and then they gripe about how sickening it was, but then they keep doing it. Yes, that's correct. Yep. Pretty much. What the fuck is that? Atrocity tourism! Yeah, it's called atrocity tourism.

The F+. I mean, it's like munching the ass out of a dead rhinoceros and then puking and then doing it the fuck again. Which I'm sure is another picture that was on his website. It's like

writing a metaphor while strangling an infant. And then doing it again. And then throwing up in the infant's mouth. So does this guy like watch Mystery Science Theater and just like, you robots, just turn the movie off, idiots.

They can't! If they stop the movie, they'll die! It's a plot point. If you hate this stuff so much, then why in the fuck are you looking at it? It's just like that stupid fuck preacher in Alabama who got music banned from the radio station instead of turning his radio

the fuck off. That was a movie. It was called Footloose. It was fiction. Oh, that made me so mad! Or that group of old ladies that would read every last disgusting page of these books in the library that they hated and then try to get them removed from the shelf. What stupid ass shit is this?

What kind of brainless fucknut sits there and looks at shit he doesn't want to see, it's people like this that I want to bend over and rape with a cattle prod until their tonsils are glowing. You know? Taunt is a strong word. It used to be just these old, prude, Christian house bitches that would do that.

But now everyone's doing it. These guys are bashing my site. And, and, and, and, I say these guys. But it really was about five teenagers posting under 30 different names, you know. Fuck. Good detective work. Wait, does that mean that I'm several of you?

No, no, you're one third of a teenager. Yeah, so there's six of us in here right now. So one of you is Lemon. Which is a... Fess up! Stog, are you me? No, I'm not you.

And they were even posting messages from me in my name, so they could somehow pretend that they were bitching me out too, and being the next Jesus fucking Christ. And they all, they all knew my sight, and all my rants by heart. They knew them better than people who like my stupid bullshit. They had these fucking things memorized, okay? They knew them better than I do. And they're probably listening to this one

right now. Oh god, he's psychic. That's true. That's the first true thing in a couple paragraphs now. They're gonna listen to it over and over again, hating every fucking second of it every time they hear it. Yes. That's right.

What the fuck is your glitch? Yeah. That's the modern, like, sort of full metal jacket catchphrase. Yes. If I'm crawling up your ass that bar bad,

then turn it the fuck off. Well, you are, because you're already raping me until my tonsils glow. Right. Wait, if you're already crawling up my ass, how will turning off anything help you get out of my ass? Don't try to bring logic into this. You can't accidentally

download a 2 meg sound file and then fucking play it. Jeez. Winamp is not rocket science, okay? Oh my god. I remember Winamp.

Vaguely. Click the little X button and turn it off, you stupid ass fucks. Are your lives so completely fucking useless that you have to drop your nut by assaulting yourself with stuff you didn't want to see in the first place?

Oh my holy god. Actually, I'm going to say yes. That's probably... That's the most accurate thing you've said. Close enough. You're making a bad point, and you're just making it worse and longer over and over again

That two guy He's He's sick He should burn in hell This is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen In fact I'm gonna look at it again just to make sure Here

I'll put myself on his mailing list To make sure that this horrible sick stuff is mailed right to my mailbox. Nope. What is this? Some kind of strange masochism? Is that what it is? Is that what they're doing? No, that's not what it is. Oh, what is it then? They say they're looking because it's one of those things that's so horrible you can't turn away from

it. But you know what? What? Bullshit! Bullshit, I say! Bullshit! Bullshit, good sir! Bullshit! Is that a happy bullshit to you, too? A pregnant woman picking little

dried milk scabs off her tit before jamming it into a baby's mouth in public. That's horrible, okay? A ten-year-old picking Michael Jackson's pubic hair out from between his teeth. That's fucking horrible. A drawing of a naked wolf thing stomping a building is nothing compared to some of the terrifying shit you see in the world every day.

And if it is, for Christ's sake, stop looking at it. You have to work to find my spooge pictures. You better work! First the pictures work! You can't do it by accident. What? You got up one morning

and stumbled and accidentally turned on your computer, connected your modem, went to my website, slipped over a fucking banana peel, and wound up downloading

every last spooge picture I have? Oh, goddammit. Alright, come quite somewhere else, please. I can't deal with much more of this. Oh, damn.

Now my hand slipped and my finger is accidentally going up my ass and whoops, suddenly I goofed and started imagining that dragon with a boner fucking me six ways to Thursday. That sick evil bastard. It's all his fault. I certainly hope I don't fuck up and grab that 18-inch dildo I accidentally bought. Fuck you! Oh, God. No.

No, no. This isn't masochism. And it's not only these people who do it, either. You see these dumb fucks all over the place, griping about things they had to poke their noses into. What? Are these fuckers wandering the planet, repeatedly doing things that make them sick? Is that what they're doing? Are they sucking the bile out of roadkill armadillos with a straw over and over again?

Are they taping? Are they taping cheap midget torture porn and watching it at all hours of the day? They could be slapping themselves in the face with llama intestines every five minutes. But they're not, are they? So why are they going to my site and downloading every single dirty furry picture I have? Because they're jerking off to it, that's why! I like how two came to the conclusion, first of all, that enough people actually memorized his shit and looked at every single thing on his website

when they got listed, which, first of all, that didn't happen. And secondly, he's just like, no, no, look, they have a right to not like me, but the truth is that even when you don't like me, you fucking love me, right? It's literally impossible. Yeah.

Also, you've been struggling to my shirt the whole time. Oh. Oh. Yeah, yeah. They're just slamming the meat fruit looking at this stuff and hoping their parents don't walk in. And everyone knows it, too. I mean, come on.

If you went to the Krusty Ass' homepage by accident and said, Whoa, that's sick. Then fine, you know. That happens. sick, then fine! You know, that happens. But when you keep going back to the place, then people are going to start wondering

about you. And you know what they're gonna think? They're gonna think you're dreaming of crusty asses! Shut up! Crusty asses! Shut up! Crusty asses! And unless you've got a computer virus that keeps pulling pictures of crusty asses on your screen,

then you probably are. You want to be a crusty ass-eating madman! Oh, and look at that. Lucky for you, there's a message board you can go to and post to and tell everyone you're only looking at it because it's so horrible you can't turn away from it. That way, they won't think you're a freak too. Yeah, good plan! Only the rest of us know better, because we got over that psychology ages ago.

What the fuck is taking you so long? You know, just come out of the closet, okay? It's really not that bad, except for little groups of closet freaks like you. We really don't have to put up with that much bullshit for it. Besides, it's painful to watch you guys jerking off in dark corners to the crusty asses homepage, okay? Just come out and enjoy the rest of us. Oh goddammit! Why are you still talking?!

And you know what? If not, then it's okay. It's perfectly okay to keep on griping on your little message boards because I'm louder than you. And if you truly are addicted to doing things that offend your all-American, straight, bullshit, Christian sensibilities, then here's my suggestion eat

my cock were you swinging on a vine through the jungle as you said that thought I was born around Blue Griffin saying the same thing seven times like an idiot. You know, I know

that to the Ranting Griffin, you never got this point the first time, but let me try to make it again. You're really not that interesting. Like, the only reason why you were a subject was because you flipped out on the forums

like believe me nobody really cares about you you're not funny what are you talking about um uh poor Tex I want to

close things off with a little bit of, I don't know, fury. Furry fury. Will you read me Dave Hopkins' Freakout, please? Alright, so Dave Hopkins, for those of you who don't know, creates... And still is in the process of creating the webcomic Jack. and it still is in the process of creating the webcomic Jack on the surface Jack is about a

furry grim reaper who takes other furries to hell where they suffer their furry punishment from other furry demons for their furry sins and their furry life so what's the subject matter on paper that's the concept in? On paper, that is the concept.

In practice, it is about Dave Hopkins basically illustrating his rape fetish over and over and over again in his Tiny Toons adventure looking melty art style. Oh, that's good. All right, bring it to me. All right, so Hopkins is notoriously anti-criticism of his freeway comics A webcomic author that like doesn't take criticism well? Huh

Yeah, it's weird, I don't know I guess it's the first time for everything Alright, so Christ oh god damn it fuck mighty No one who's died has ever told us about what it

was like on the other end, so whether you're for or against, shut the Jesus flippin' fuck up! I don't know. No one knows. Shut up! I don't give a shit one about what some book, be it in a clergy or a professor's office, has in it shut the

goddamn fuck up no one can be proven right no one can be proven wrong shut up this fuck so this is this guy keyboard tourette's no this is a speech to text program like there's a dog running around behind him the whole time yeah this this is in response to people wondering why weird rapists always get off easy in his comic. So, rapists don't get sent to hell, and he got confused that people would have a problem with that. And any of you other little dipshits trying to tell me how to piss in my own pond, shut up! It's Dramatikly, more interesting to follow the folks having problems? Is it too much of a fucking leap to foolishly hope that on the other side of the camera, the other 57 billion

people I don't cover maybe figured this shit out on their own? Or do you constantly have to be the pessimistic bigot who hates everything with the word God in it? Well, since it's my comic... Is 57 billion his readership?

No, it's 50 times 7. I think so. That's all the women I want to force myself on. Well, since it's my comic and I can decide, miraculously proper noun, they all made it out of hell and they're now pissing in your pond.

Oh no! It's an epidemic! My fish! A piss pond. Of course! Hell, isn't fair, because in its incarnation here, it's fucking fiction made up by some fellow dipshit watched up good for jack shit asshole barely living off of minimum wage in a shit-stinking apartment

surrounded by fellow asshole dipshits. So of course it's not going to be any fucking fair, because I'm a fucking moron, just like you. Oh, you guys, welcome to my apartment. I'm sorry about the ass shits. No, no. Don't go near the waiting pool.

We got piss floods there about three times this week now. It's a bit of a dual purpose. Stay away from my pond. And for the same reason as stated above, I was never going to do a god character to your like-eyeing unless I made him a drooling retard in floaties and a propeller cap. It was always going to be a little to this or a little to that. Jesus Christ, I'd be

shiting stones if God himself wasn't up there saying, Dave, you fucked me up big time. Go to the corner, Dave. Gotta learn how to draw, Dave. If only my omnipotence gave me powers. You want to know why I'm just

ready to die now? Why? Not figuratively. Literally. See if you post up. Because my purpose in life is apparently to work my ass off to produce pages and pages of toilet paper. Get better at making webcomics then, I guess. What do I get for it? Answer!

I want to know, because if your answer isn't two words, one being the title of this comic and the other a four-letter expletive, then you are very, very, very, very wrong! Is that what you were looking for? Jackass? Jack shit, which is what this comic means to anyone. Anyway, copy this all or in parts to your newsgroups, your forums, your chat rooms, and say, look, we got to him. We pat ourselves on the back, and after Kitazara's run for this comic ends, this comic will still continue to update because one of us still

has to be the dumbest motherfucker on the planet. And there's also that faith thing that I should know to ignore by now, but I keep chasing it. It's like an old high school tart. You see, even in my rants about myself and my art, I still have to hate women somewhere in there.

And also bitches, am I right? Yeah. You know, you guys, you're a bunch of sluts that wouldn't fuck me in high school. What's so there? Are they full of women? there. The airline peanuts, are they full of women?

That's much better than anything to the Ranting River Patterson. You stog? Yeah. You have to take that line to an open mic. You go to an open mic, stand up night, walk on stage, just say that, and then drop the mic. You'd like go to an open mic, stand up night, walk on stage, just say that and then drop the mic.

Yeah, step off. Don't even introduce yourself. Don't say, hey, what a crowd tonight. Just walk in. No, no, no, actually, no, no, no, that line and then just stony silence. And then just, eh?

Eh? This peanut here knows what I'm talking about anyway no sympathy posts I swear to god Christ and my uncle's donkey if you post that shit I will ban you I'm not throwing some god damned emo fit to get attention so save us both grief and don't do it. Also,

this wasn't addressed to anyone, so nobody blame it on anyone. The glass is broken, the bandstick is out, and new holes have been drilled in it so it whistles before it slaps. What the fuck are you talking about? Talking about I hate women!

God! Quit being such a girl. CNR. I feel better now that's out, so no need to do what you're going to do anyway. Too late. To whom this isn't concerned, please disregard to who it is concerned. Disregard now rather than two weeks from now and get back to fighting over trivial nothingness. Apologies to those appropriate, especially

gods. And also, for lack of spell check, I think I'd much rather go to bed and dream about forcing myself on furries. Wow. I wish you would have made that decision maybe like 12 paragraphs ago. I guess shoutouts to the

Kate comic tumbler that takes all of his bullshit and just replaces all the words with stuff that's a little more, a little less stupid. Yeah, so I was just going through the beginnings of Jack. And there's sort of a primordial baby that's born. Then he meets death. Then a guy in a, or a furry in a corn shirt shows up and starts shooting up a high school

then he goes to hell then he gets impaled in the dick then I close the window yeah so that's how Jack goes wait what about

what about Dragon Jesus I will escape I find my way Escape the path Clouded side Obscure the path Pigeon's opinion And there we go. Somewhere in the realm of two hours of internet classics with a K and a C and a silent Q. John, what did you learn this week? I've learned that I can develop nostalgia for things that have happened fairly recently.

Sure, absolutely. Yes, yes, yes. You know, because I kind of look like, I don't know, like all these shows, like when VH1 was still trying to sell the I love the stuff for like, I love the 2000s, when it was like, I don't know, 2003. And I was like, oh, what the fuck. But then, you know, I guess I'm a hypocrite because I look at all this stuff, all this internet stuff, and it's happened fairly recently. But with like Portal of Evil, both all Portal of Evil sites basically dying, and then a lot of these old Geocity sites, and a lot of this old stuff, and a lot of stuff getting deleted, take it down, I look back and it's like,

oh man, there was a time on Internet Crazy where you had to work at your Internet Crazy, you had to build something, you had to make something, you had to have a presence, and now it's just, it's gone, and I miss it. Yeah, it's, I mean, I think that it would be very hard to make the argument, very, very hard to make the argument that the internet isn't better.

I think the internet is better. It's definitely better now than it was in, you know, 2001. Better is a very relative term, I'm going to say. All right, all right. Well, you're arguing a ridiculous point But go ahead Well I'm saying it's If better as in like the actual

Real quality of things is better Sure, yes But the kind of world that created TimeCube, the world of the internet that created TimeCube I think that's better in its own way Is what I mean And that is, I mean, yeah, so that is Something that we've lost in the new better internet

is crazy people kind of venturing out on their own in a world where they had to sort of make it up as they go. Exactly. You know, you miss, you know, with all of these kind of like out of the box, you know, like PHP BB forums. Right PHP BB forums, you don't have to learn shit. You don't have to put your animated GIFs of Penny from Inspector Gadget being tied up. You don't have to work at that sort of stuff. And sometimes that labor really makes it. Yeah, I think at this point, YouTube has a do you want to post

weird fetish cartoon videos button now. There's so much of it, they have to just be part of the site. But at the same time, let me end on a positive note in saying that while I do miss the internet of recently yore, of all the stuff we've gone through, this current internet has gotten really good at ways to archive that stuff.

I mean, if you go on the Wayback Machine and sites like that are pretty well documenting the stuff so we may never have an internet like that again but that internet in its crystallized pure you know mosquito and amber amber form still exists and that makes me happy it makes me happy we can do this and the other thing that we've picked up along the way in these couple years, because the moment that you start mourning the loss of geocities and that sort of craftsmanship of stupidity that we'll never see again, you also have to recognize that we entered into an age of that nonsense becoming social. Right. And while that's bad for the mental health of the persons

involved it's good for comedic purposes exactly because because content readers like the people listening and like the people that have gone to the site and submitted content you know have gone through these communities of other worldly fetishistsishists that now are not just going there and going like, oh wow, this guy also likes the thing I like, but meeting up with all of these people that like the thing that they like, and then outdoing themselves on who can jam the largest thing in their urethra. It's true, it's true. There is kind of a, that is the new side of it, the nice side of it, and we definitely

mine that all to hell. There's kind of a, there is the new side of it, the nice side of it, and we definitely mind that all to hell. There's kind of a, there's more of a building effect. It's more of an exponential curve for this kind of stuff now. Absolutely. With a social angle. You know, I mean, it's, like I said, it's new, it's good, and it helps with us, because I mean, it's like self-generating content, yay. But at the same time, you know, you just kind of want to look back in the sunset and just

see the badly drawn Gaunterman comic or Ululia trying to kill Tails yet again. Goodbye, guy who thinks he's Peter Pan. Yes. Goodbye pagans who really want to revive the swastikas as a symbol of goodness. I'd say goodbye to you,

Jean Ray, but I'm not sure you're ever really here. And thank you so much for those people that have listened for these hundred or so episodes. Thank you very much. This has been a blast. I know as somebody that put metrics on the website and in our RSS feed

at the very beginning that we started as a podcast that had, and this is true, we started as a podcast that had, and this is true, we started as a podcast that had more readers than subscribers. That is literally true. And half of those were Turkish hacker bots, so you know.

And it's grown in leaps and bounds. I mean, over these years, to have so many fucking amazing submissions from people. Oh, yes. I mean, so much so that it's a joy to think of what episode we're going to read. To the kind of flourishing community of Ball Pit. To just the wonderful fucked up drawings that come in. It's been a journey, and I'm so glad that you've all been there with us.

Yes, thank you for joining us. Oh, I'd also like to give a special thank you to Portax, who basically organized this episode, got extra material for people who didn't have any. Basically made it happen, so thanks. Why does it sound like we're ending it? We're still doing this! We're just happy. No, no, I'm killing myself. Bye!

I'm coming right along. See ya. Thanks for listening. Bye. I'm dead. B-A-L-L-P dot I-T. Bye. Bye. Bye! I'm coming right along. See ya. Thanks for listening. Bye. I'm dead. B-A-L-L-P dot I-T. Bye. I can't escape. I can't escape. I can't escape. I can't escape. Against the steam

Against the steam Against the steam Against the steam Thanks for listening to the F Plus 100th episode, Spectacular. We hope you enjoyed this trip down memory lane. Now stick around for some exciting ska music from Sir Mick Scalott, Kenny Scodgers, and Scully Barton. Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy. There's no ska bands.

Look, if I give you a thing to read, will you stop talking about ska bands? Okay. Okay. Fine. All right. Here, you can have the lyrics from Dragon Guyver's hit song, Bugging Girls. Ahem. Oop, your shirt tag is sticking up.

Let me get that. Oh, yeah, there you go. bugging girls. that you won't fuck me. I'll guilt trip you into psychological complexes, make you hate men and make you insecure. I'm bugging girls. Don't come near me. I'll molest you, but surreptitiously. Bugging girls stay away from me. You don't understand. Don't be nice to me. Don't tickle me or tussle my hair. Touch my shoulder. Put your hand on my knee. For Christ's sakes, don't hug me. shoulder, put your hand on my knee. For Christ's sakes, don't hug me. I can't handle it. I'm a bastard, barely contained. And I'll bug you too. I don't

want to. So please, keep away. You know what, Jimmy? You can go back to listening, Skawbans. Let's just go do it. Scotty H. Jazz, Michael McSconald, Scott the Drive-In, Ghostface Skillz, Ska, Ska Speed, you black emperor, Gorillaz, Ska, ready for the...