The F Plus - 106: Asgard Doesn't Have Alimony Laws

Episode Date: July 25, 2013

Love is a curious thing. The thing that drives two people together into a passionate embrace is as complicated as it is powerful. But the thing that drives one person to claim that they're married to a Norse god? That's called "being a crazy person". We're taking a look at Lokiwives and godspouses: People who claim to be in a polygamous relationship with one or more gods, and report that the sex is terrific. This week, wherever you go, whatever you do, these people still won't make any sense. Editor's note: Documents were provided for this episode by Sherlockian and Gaylord McHappenstance as well.

You know that I like you a lot, right? Yeah, but you tend to punish me when I'm on the show. It's okay. He punishes Jimmy Franks, too. I know. I know Lemon does this because he loves me. He's only doing... Oh, shit.

Oh, music. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You spurn my natural emotions Makes me feel like dirt And I'm hurt If I start a commotion Hello there! In love with someone I've fallen in love In love with someone you shouldn't fall in love with Hello there, this is the F Plus Podcast

Terrible things right with enthusiasm My name's Lemon I'm Boots Reingear Boots, how are you doing this week? I'm awesome, I'm awesome I have the greatest weekend of my life coming up Oh, that sounds wonderful What's happening?

On Saturday, I'm getting married to Loki The Norse trickster god, Loki, yeah Oh, that sounds wonderful. What's happening? On Saturday, I'm getting married to Loki. The Norse trickster god Loki, yeah. Saturday, you're getting married to Loki? Loki, yes. Loki, the... The Norse god. Okay. Loki.

Okay. Okay, I have a lot of questions. All right, all right. Fire them off. Yeah, let me go. Okay. All right, all right, fire him off. Yeah, let me go, okay.

I don't know where to start, but I guess I thought that you, your own sort of sexual orientation was aimed more towards people that exist? Yeah, yeah, well, I am reality married, but I am not yet married to a fictitious person in a dream. So that's a thing I need to do, right? I don't think that's a need, no. I don't think that's a must. I think that the one reality marriage,

you can probably just stick with that. I don't know about that, because this is an internet community of people that are all, like I will be, married to Loki or Thor. Or they're married to Loki and Thor. They refer to themselves as Lokian, because that sounds sophisticated. Sure. And the things they say are wonderful. Okay, so you've found a community of people with an unconventional approach to love that they want to talk about constantly. Yes.

Well, that always ends well. Readers, assemble! In the room tonight tonight we have Boots Reingear. So while I'm not actually a spouse of Raw and we are still very much courting, this is something I can see myself seriously doing. LeftHandedRadio.com's own Adam Bozarth.

I'll be frank, I was masturbating and Hermes jumped in as usual. Jimmy Franks? Saw Odin and Loki footprints on the ceiling? Can't explain, landlord. Kumquats up. More like

turning tricks-ter. And Lemon. Can a god get pregnant? Well, this is complicated. I kind of know how Gabriel must have felt now. Hey, guys. Hey, Lemon. Hi, Lemon. What's your favorite thing

About the person That you love What do you love the most about the person that you love Lobster hands Fair enough It's her ability to love conditionally And her fine titties I'm going to say her fashion sense

All wrong answers The best thing That's a wrong answers. The best thing about... I didn't answer yet. The best thing... That's a wrong answer, too. The best thing about somebody that you can love is that they have magical abilities

and that they rule the underworld. I was going to say that. Women are great. So I want to introduce you to a group of people called the Loki's Brood. They are married to Loki, the Norwegian trickster god. And they don't understand why you have a problem with that. I didn't know Loki was a Mormon. And this is Loki the mythical creature

Not Loki the Tom Hiddleston character Yeah I was going to say he was great in Thor I can see why they'd want to I don't know if I can answer that question But I think the interest in Tom's narcissism Is probably related But they are actually married to the gods

Or at least they claim to be So we'll have to take them on their word I'm going to ask you just a few questions I'm going to answer a few questions Hey, what's a god spouse? A god spouse is a mortal consort of a deity Fair enough

Why would a deity want a mortal consort? For love, of course The gods need and want our love, and they give it to us in the form in which we need it. For some, that love comes as a paternal or maternal connection, and for others, it comes in the form of divine marriage. Do you think that the Yahweh, like, Christian god is a little upset about, like, you know,

all you fucking people sure say you love me, but I could use a fuck every now and then. Fuck him! Anyway, there are numerous examples of spousalry in the lore and in other religions. Sure. Why is lore capitalized? Why are... Because they're talking about Data's twin brother. Oh, okay.

Eros and Psyche, for example, are Zeus and Ganymede, or Freyr's mortal wife in the something I can't pronounce. Sure, yeah, this sounds silly, but hey, Zeus had sex with mortal women, so clearly it isn't. Do you have to be a god spouse or otherwise swear an oath to a deity for the deity to something?

Love you? No, absolutely not. The gods love us in many ways. Parent, child, follower, deity, friend, husband or wife, protector, fultry, fultry, lover, friend, husband or wife, protector, pho-trui, lover, enlightened guide, and none of them are wrong or less important to them. Like aliens, I guess.

There's only what fits you and the deity best. Oh, okay. So you get to redefine marriage with your god. Help! I might be in a divine courtship! How do I know for sure? Next on Mori! Divination is in order if you're not certain. If you feel

you need a reading, you may contact me at lokiisbruid at gmail.com and we can discuss payment. What I charge varies much, though is generally not exorbitant. Yes, yes it is, yes it is. It already is.

I might charge zero. Oh, yeah. That's already. I charge negative. I pay you money to listen to me. Charging time is what it is. Hey, how do you know that you're not just hearing things? I got an answer to that

good, I'm glad you have an answer to my question both Dver and Lagoutier have written excellent posts on distinguishing divine communication from the internal chatter and I would always advise divination if you're not sure that you're getting a clear signal an excellent post on distinguishing divine communication from the eternal chatter and i would always advise divination if you're not sure that you're getting a clear signal so uh i'm not

crazy because other people on this website are also married to people right yay fair enough uh i have a mortal partner how does that work with having a divine one that depends on the individual if relationship is detrimental to the mortal consort it can go away every time i read that mortal partner, how does that work with having a divine one? That depends on the individual. If a relationship is detrimental to the mortal consort, it can go away. Every time I read that, I want it to say mortal combat. Mortal consort! Or, and I've

seen this just as much, at least with Loki's folk, the deity may bring issues to the surface. There might be issues. Might have issues! Might have issues when you're dating the might be issues. Might have issues. Might have issues when you're dating the trickster god. Yeah, you know. So that they can heal

and the partners can enjoy a stronger bond in the long run. For more reading, you may want to look at this page, spouses, partners, and other hapless bystanders. I don't think I do. Instead, I'm going to try to be coy. Doesn't being married to a god imply marital relations? Yep.

Are all godspouses female or female-identified? Spouse. As a gender-neutral term, if you'd like to read about spousery from a male perspective, If you'd like to read about spousary from a male perspective, Jim, URL, and Skorig, other URL, welcome asks regarding male spousary and trans star relationships with deity. Well, I better stop typing now. All the blood's leaving my brain. Well, there's no, there's a star, like, there's an asterisk, like there's a a footnote but there is none i think it's a wild card citation needed it's a wild card trans whatever draw four yeah transformers where trans equals

uh adam yep what uh what did you learn about Loki recently? Loki cuddles. Oh, I think this is getting pulled from the Toys R Us shelves. Loki cuddles. He's a cuddler, which shocked me. I was prepared for the mischief and a sexual appetite that matches and exceeds mine, but the affection shocked me at first. He likes to sit behind me and wrap his arms around me with one hand just under my collarbone

and the other against my stomach. Performing the Heimlich. And then crush. Sometimes his legs are on either side of me, and sometimes he crosses them behind me. Um. Okay, I'm really having trouble

picturing this at this point. He's a god, he can do whatever he wants. Fair enough. Then he just rests his chin on my shoulder, and we read together, with him sometimes biting the back of my neck. Not a hard bite or even something sexual, just very firm, letting me know he's there and cleans me like a mama cat. Oh, sorry, I spoke too soon. Turns out tigers do the same while eating,

and tigers are animals I have always been drawn to. It's gentle-loving, like a stallion provides. Loki always lays behind me in bed, one arm draped over me. That hand usually wanders a bit. And once again, he bites my neck to claim me as his. Are you sure it's not a Rottweiler? Are you absolutely sure?

Or a vampire. I'm haunted by Mike Tyson's ghost. I'm haunted by Mike Tyson's ghost. Did Mike Tyson's ghost die at some point? No, but he's been hit so hard his ghost left his body. So like a Flintstones kind of thing where the punch knocks the ghost out of him. And he keeps all his anger in his ghost. That's why he's so well-adjusted now. Yeah.

Anyway, he holds me, though. Yeah. Both lonely sometimes, I think. Yeah, both lonely. Both of us. Both. Just both me and my husband. Well, yeah, it must be.

We're both lonely. Me and my imaginary god lover. Me and my copy of the mask. Jimmy Franks, remember how you were telling me about your favorite song of all time? Yeah, man, those were good times when we were talking about that. Yeah, it was good times when you were talking about your favorite song. I'm talking, of course, about Richard Marks' Right Here Waiting. Oh, that conversation.

I remember it well. Anyway, would you tell me? I would love to tell you about that right now. No. Can we play the song underneath while I'm telling you the story? Yeah, yeah. We've cleared it. Hello, I'm Richard Marks. I absolutely approve of you using my music.

Wherever you go, whatever you do, you will have... I will be right here waiting for the F plus to plop. So this is from Alexandra's Haven of the Crab. Right, yep. When I first heard this song when I was younger, around nine or so, there was something about it that really, really tugged on my heartstrings until they were on the verge of being snapped. It had that effect on me for years whenever it came up on the radio.

I was so dedicated to the song that I'd record it on multiple empty tapes when I had my first radio in my bedroom. Really? Stacks of cassettes were like, Richard Marks, 9892. And then I would slow it down to 32 times speed and listen to that for a weekend.

Oh man, do you want to go on a road trip? I brought all my tapes with me! Whatever you need. This came on the Pandora station just now, and now I understand why it affected me so much for so long. Loki had been singing this song to me. Saying that he was waiting until I was ready to bring him into my life. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Now I'm about to... Wherever I went, whatever I did. Oh, no. Now I'm about to cry in the middle of the library at my university. XD. Slytherin Pixie likes this. Hey, Kumquat. Hello. We've been talking about, you know,in Pixie likes this. Hey, Kumquat!

Hello! Uh, we've been talking about, uh, you know, the romantic side of Loki. Uh, you know, the loving side of Loki. And that's fun, but I want to know how Loki fucks. So, face down, ass up, tell me how Loki fucks. He's really asking you to do this face down, ass up. Tell me how Loki fucks. He's really asking you to do this face down and ass up. Remember that time

I said I wasn't that big a fan of penetration? Intimately. Yes! Yes, yes I do That's something that That's something that we followed by like But I think we should still keep dating It's not into penetration but we can make it work Allow me

To amend that. You are so allowed. I had another sexual experience with Loki last night. Right. I have no idea what's gotten into him, but I am in no way complaining. Because honestly, who is going to complain about sex with Loki? I think I probably would. Yeah.

Anyway, apparently he listens a lot more carefully than I had previously thought, because I mentioned in passing that I like the idea of bottoming! But can't ever really get into it. Time out. What is that? What is bottoming? There's a flag on the play.

I believe that is being on the bottom. I think it's actually just finding the absolute, like your absolute bottom. Right. You're bottoming out like in AA, right? I kind of thought it meant like suspension travel on your car. This person's been on a flat line for years. This is a place past dignity, past shame, past will to live.

We are in an endless valley here. Okay, so bottoming, great, sure. It wasn't even something I was thinking about too much at the time, but you know how you get into talking with partners slash friends slash anyone you're close to slash anyone you're sitting next to on the bus and you just sort of

topic jump and talk about everything under the sun sure I remember that those are called conversations yeah yeah and the whole Sure, I remember that. That happened. Yeah. Those are called conversations. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And the whole, Sonny's not really into penetrative sex. What? Sonny? Do you have a lawyer that talks to Loki on your behalf? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sonny is this guy. Sonny Corleone. Yeah.

This is Sonny Corleone's blog. But he could probably give it another go just to see if his mind could be changed. Came up for a moment. Like, literally a moment. Because like I said, topic jumping! Out of everything I mentioned, I really didn't expect that to be a thing that was acknowledged, but apparently it was, and apparently he took that as some

form of challenge. Okay, Sonny, I know I told you to gather your thoughts, but clearly you can't. So, you don't need to try to do that anymore. Just tell me about the fucking... Last night. Sweet gods.

Last night. It was amazing, guys. Like, I can't even articulate how mind-blowing this is because I literally have bottomed for one person my whole life because I really can't get into it, but I got into this hard. Get into this hard. Get into this hard. I love you this hard.

I was super shameless about it too. My entire body was just that massive, aching, tingling fire that is anal sex, and I couldn't even handle myself. Tingling fire that is anal sex, and I couldn't even handle myself. Tingling fire that is anal sex. All right. Super pleasant.

He couldn't make a single move in or out that didn't result in me making some sort of shameless sound, which he found terribly amusing, by the way. Shameless. shameless sound, which he found terribly amusing, by the way. Shameless. I'm really... I want to know what happened in reality.

Like, was he just with his ass in the air? Yeah, because he was bottoming and having sex. So he's got his dragon tail, though. Did he even go that far? Is that what I'm asking? Is he just there just standing with his ass in the air

You know just like oh yes Loki Oomph Can we find the document about what Loki's dick looks like? Or maybe Wait wait wait No you guys We need to monetize this We could start a business selling Loki dildos.

Loki dildos. And we would make tens of dollars. But people wouldn't need to buy them because they're already actually having sex with Loki. We should make Loki approved dildos, maybe. Yeah. Loki, the drippy prankster god. All right. So you were talking about the William H. Macy show, Shameless.

Yeah, yeah. Every so often, he would just sort of chuckle, but I didn't have the will to be embarrassed, partially because I was wrapped up in how fantastic everything was. I don't know what the definition of good sex is, but if you're being fucked by a guy and the guy's fucking you and going, Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Well, I mean, like, I mean, like, let's not judge, you know, if guys like to chuckle like that. Yeah. It doesn't mean they're creeps. Just because I chuckle doesn't mean I're creeps. Just because I chuckle

doesn't mean I'm a creep. I'm sorry. I hit a nerve there. I think we found... I think what Chris Onstead has been working on all these years is a chucklebot porn. Oh no. Oh no.

Alright, keep going. Partially because any capacity for embarrassment I had left was spent on the knowledge that since I was lucid dreaming Oh, there we go. I was probably making those theatrical moans

slash yelps out loud, meaning that my roommate was possibly going to wake up and hear me. Then pretend that nothing happened. And then, yeah, browse Craigslist immediately. Which was mortifying, but she didn't mention it at all today. So I'm just going to hope that means she didn't hear me. Yeah, that's one option anyway I just wanted to write this out

somewhere because holy gods it was great also whenever a life development happens I just feel the need to talk about it and a shift in sexual preferences counts as enough of a development for me so you show up to the next GLAAD meeting.

I used to self-identify as straight. Then I got fucked by Loki. Well, he just tricked us into listening to his dream. Oh, it's great. I had sex last night with Tom Hiddleston. Read on. Things just got ass guardian. Oh, shit.

I think I like that one. You're alone in that. Yay. I like jokes. I'm disappointed that the tag, apparently these last few weeks equals sex time is not linked to anything else. Yeah, but I'm actually looking at the tag, let's talk about sex, you guys.

There's a lot of them. And there is a lot of them, but come quite a few, just take the first paragraph of this one. Hey guys, ever since that lucid dream experience I had with Loki the other day, every sexual act has become a performance. My poor fucking roommate! Please welcome to the stage...

It's a... It's a... It's a... Like, I've never masturbated so theatrically in my life. Just because I'm hoping he's paying attention every time that I do. Oh, he's doing a Punch and Judy act. I was envisioning him pulling scarves out of his urethra. pulling scarves out of his urethra.

And you've never met my balls before, have you? No, maybe it's like a Tennessee Williams play. He's got a little dick diorama on the stage and sad Willie Loman comes in. Then get off! Get off! And I'm pretty sure that it's working, because each time I've gotten that same feeling of his presence that I do

in meditations and such. Yeah. Just finish it off. That's Jesus Christ, you idiot. That's Jesus talking to you, not Loki. Duh. I'm probably enjoying this way more than I should,

tongue-face, but I haven't exactly been told to stop, so I'm guessing I'm not the only one. I'm just gonna keep masturbating until you order me to stop. That's my contract with America. I am an adversary in police quest.

Sure. Jimmy Franks. Yeah. I'm going to ask you a series of questions. I need very concise answers. Excellent. Lightning round. Because the more I read about this whole Loki's brood thing, the more I'm fucking interested. Sounds great.

All right. Loki lightning round. Yeah, here we go. Let's do this. So I just want to ask a couple questions. How do you know if you're being God-corded? Oh, for me, it sort of hit me. Someone had said, oh, God, I hope Loki doesn't want you as a God-spouse right off the bat.

And then I couldn't get the thought or idea out of my head. I kept getting signs. And I mean, that wasn't all, oh, they want me as a god spouse no right it was more of what the actual fuck is going on so so loki uses reverse psychology i don't want to marry you uh how does that happen and what do the other gods what do the gods get out of the relationship well for me when loki was ready to give me signs i I'd started noticing small things. He marked himself on my body. I banged my leg, and when the blood and wound healed up, it was Loki's sigil.

Heart? Yeah. All right, let me just throw all of this disbelief out, and then, yeah, okay, here we go. I kept having urges to give blood oaths to him, and for the longest while I thought he wanted me as a devotee. Usually with godspousing slash courting, I feel like the god gets companion and love out of a relationship. Sometimes they get less, sometimes they get more. Uh, sure, okay. Is it common to be in a polygamist relationship with the gods?

No, I didn't even think it was possible before I began courting Loki and Thor. It's not impossible, I'm guessing, but it's definitely not common or recommended. Huh. That. Yep. Any more questions? Yeah. That seems contradictory.

Just a little bit. I mean, come on, guys. How do you feel about other Godspouses? What are some of the pros? I hear a lot of cons. You know, I don't mind other Godspouses. Smiley face. Every relationship is unique and different.

However, I do have problems when other spouses try to invalidate another spouse's relationship for whatever bullshit reason they feel. other spouses try to invalidate another spouse's relationship for whatever bullshit reason they feel. I've only ever really talked to one God spouse, Stag King's wife, and she's been able to provide help and a shoulder to lean on, along with telling me advice that I need to remember. Like Thor and Loki are a little shit sometimes, and I can tell them no. I've ran into far too many rude and mean God spouses who've poorly attempted to invalidate my relationship with both Thor and Loki because it didn't fit their standards. That's a good scoff.

Thank you. What does a goddess want when they court you? It's different for everyone. Fair enough. You know you wrote these questions, right? It's weird for you to duck your own question. Fuck you. This interview is over.

How do you balance a potential God spouse with a physical significant other? Man, I don't fucking know, to be honest. Good, good. And now actual questions that people have asked her because the first one is like like most facts like i'm gonna write questions i'm gonna write answers to them and then these are questions that that have actually been asked uh boots take these questions can there be same-sex god spouses? Slash it the fuck up, BB! A.K.A. yes.

Ball bearing? Oh. I don't know. Beach ball? Burt Bacharach. Slash it the fuck up, Burt Bacharach! Lex Bluthor. Burt Bacharach slash.

Wait, no! Burt Bacharach Bill Bellamy slash. Oh. Somebody Google that. Somebody write that. They come from two different worlds. Next week on the F+. But they meet in a chocolate vanilla center.

What's your relationship like with Thor and Loki? Confusing as all fuck. But it's nice at the same time. I like the fact I wasn't forced to choose. It would have hurt me a lot. So Thor. Thor's understanding. Yeah, he's sweet.

He's cuddly. Is this Natalie Portman? I don't want to make an ultimatum. If there's one thing that us gods don't believe in, it's telling people how to live their lives. What's your sex life like? I know that gods and their spouses have sex. But how? Yeah.

I prayed so hard that I wouldn't get this question. Alas. Please, God. Let nobody call me on my bullshit. Amen. My sex life with them is pretty great. Yeah. Only the savage daughter in Kyle

details on how great. I really don't like talking about it with anyone else. Sort of awkward and uncomfortable. That does how great. I really don't like talking about it with anyone else. Sort of awkward and uncomfortable. That does sound great. That's, I'm pretty sure, a synonym for great. It's pretty great, but awkward and uncomfortable. Hey, baby. How was it for you?

Awkward and uncomfortable. You're welcome. I hate feeling like I'm pushing my sex life with Thor and Loki in people's face. No, you don't. That's why I started this website. How does it happen? Well, for me, it's in the astro. Like, if they want some.

Yeah, it is in the astro. Hey, I made that joke 20 minutes ago. You didn't think it was funny. Hey, that's Hank Kingsley style. That's true. Hey, that's Hank Kingsley style. That's true. Like, if they want some, they'll literally not stop fucking bother me until I travel, or they'll make me tired to the point I have to sleep, and I always travel when I sleep. Usually Thor is the one doing it this way.

Come on, come over. Just take the rainbow bridge. I'll send you a cab. Come on, baby. Hop on the Bifrost. Wait, sir. Are we having three-ways with Thor and Loki at this point? Is that what's happening?

They are sharers, apparently. Okay, so if you're having a three-way with Thor and Loki, do you think they get a little skeeved out when they brush against each other? No, man. They like to keep it to family. Family style. Does Thor bring the hammer into bed? A different hammer. This one also comes back into his hand, too.

I'll sometimes be able to feel them in the physical realm. I'll be able to tell where Thor's hands are or where Loki's lips are going. A lot of the times I can close my eyes and all but see them. It's kind of unnerving, actually. I don't mind it, but when you start feeling a god touching you and kissing you, you get all as... about it. I'm sure you do.

Do you have a footnote for any of this? Edit. All sex is completely 500% consensual. One million, 10 billion percent consensual. I cannot stress enough how consensual it is. Your honor. I just have invisible men kissing my body as I'm walking around. And that's what I want.

It's awkward sometimes. It's unnerving, but I want it. It's really awkward because you actually have to consent a billion times to be able to have sex with Loki. It's his punishment. Hey, guys. Hey, buddy.

What do you think Loki's favorite form of poetry is? I would probably guess haiku. You're wrong. Damn it. Limericks.

Loki-kus. Oh, Jesus. Oh, God. Oh, shit. What did you make me click on? All right. These are Loki-Kus.

Mischief in 575. Charming. Like Haiku, you get to the fucking point, my dear. Except for the theft. Buh? BJ. By BJ, yeah. Loki, mischief god. Keeper of BJ. By BJ. Yeah.

Loki, mischief god, keeper of my heart and soul, give me back my pants. Oh, the next one's pretty great. Loki, my panties have hoof prints and lipstick stains. It was quite an evening. How did your panties have lipstick stains? How did they get there? It was a long night. Did he put on lipstick and then kiss you on the panty?

I don't understand. Why not? Why not? He stepped on my genitals with his hooves. You must know, sir. Come quite. Why not? He stepped on my genitals with his hooves. You must know, sir. All right. Come quite. Loki, please give me my bra back. Yes, it looks better on Thor.

Gross. These are the jokes, people. Hey, come on. Loki, I know that. Boredom is not fun for you. Please don't shave my cat. We've got a budget cricket sound tonight. Michael Winslow's here, guys.

That's all right. There's two more, and I really like the last one, so keep going. All doorknobs are gone. Windows now made of sugar. Good morning, Loki. Aww. That's Skellyweg. Clothes shrunk in the wash.

Look like a stripper at work. Stop laughing, flame hair. M. Thanks, M! M. M. Thanks, M. There's a bunch more. My clothes shrunk in the wash. Hey, who stole? I had five Snickers in this drawer.

And now there's three. Don't laugh at me. My clothes shrunk in the wash seven years ago. Woke up afternoon. Hope Loki cleaned up the crime seen at the bookstore. I am waiting for my lover. He is from ancient Norway.

My name is Loki. Sorry. I'm sorry. Don't be. Don't be for trying. All right. So this is a conversation between Loki

and a friend of Loki. Come Quads off. Would you like to be Loki or a friend of Loki? Kumquatsop, would you like to be Loki or the friend? Loki. You want to be Loki? All right, you're going to be Loki. Jimmy Franks will be playing the other role, the role of me.

That would be Heather Fry's Doter. Let me just set the stage here for you Dark Amber asked for a post on what it's like Interacting with Loki while I'm awake I must admit I thought all spouses were able to do this First I think I should mention How he came to me initially I write fiction and one of the things that writers do

Is chat with their characters Yeah Correct I'm sorry I'm just going to put strikes up where I see them the things that writers do is chat with their characters. Yeah. Correct. I'm sorry. I'm just going to put strikes up where I see them. That's how Brady Stenellis went crazy. Because it's a good way to get more natural writing with them. It works because at some point you may have a notion of who a character is

and what they want, but they take on a life of their own. So treating them like a person and talking to them about plot or even mundane things helps solidify them in your head. So that's why everything on all of these sites is written so well. You can see where this is going. So this spring I was working on a book with a pal of mine. It was a steampunk epic with werewolves and fae. No, no, the line starts here.

I'm so sorry. The line starts here. Accessible stuff. And then in the middle of it, I got a random bunny for a story about a story. Fuck. I got a random bunny for a story about a finishing school where witches learn from the gods that they serve oh it'll be a line that you'll have to form over on this side uh but

if you can amazon there's a special you can get a five percent discount if you buy them both in a bundle loki was going to be one of the gods that taught there among others and before i knew it the damn book was all about him. Imagine that. And he was the chattiest damn muse I've ever had. All sorts of plot ideas, takes on characterization, and flirty as all hell. And around, oh my God, all the time. If I tried to write something else,

he'd put his head on my shoulder and sigh, but this is so boring. Write more about me. And bit by... Snagglepuss? It's so boring. Write more about me. Look, look, look.

I have my own interpretation of Loki, okay? And my interpretation of Loki is valid. It might be different than yours, but it is still correct. Heavens to Asgard. is valid. It might be different than yours, but it is still correct. Heaven says God. Oh, Jesus. Shit. And bit by bit, he started throwing in worship me, mortals, to which

Commander Evil Bitch, which is my friend, that's one word, These names really which Commander Evil Bitch, which is my friend, that's one word, Commander... These names really translate well from the original Norse. Anyway, Commander Evil Bitch and I would giggle and ignore other than to go, uh-huh, Loki, we worship your thighs.

They are magnificent and the like. Sorry about that. That sentence was there when I woke up. Weirder and weirder stuff started happening. My day job as a technical editor got nuked when Loki commented on how boring it was and really, shouldn't you just be a writer already? You're much better at it.

And then I was inundated with freelance work. And then? Just then. I'm a writer. I'm so good at putting a paragraph together. So it's fine. And he began whispering, but really, I am a god you know. I ignored it.

I started to be able to see him hanging around when I was writing. He started out brunette and then morphed to a familiar, to me, a character that I wrote and adored, blonde. And then, again, I'm a writer, and then finally to a redhead. Things began disappearing. I ignored that too. And then we had this conversation. So that was the preamble to my story.

I'm a writer. So, uh, alright, so take us through this conversation. So, you talk to your characters all the time, and this doesn't bother you or make you question your sanity? Nope, I'm a writer. It's pretty much our role.

That's true. No writer has ever questioned their own sanity. I'm not a character, you know. I'm a god. I know you're the Norse god of fucking with people. Whoa! This is like a zany... Oh, snap!

This is like a Everybody Loves Raymond episode all of a sudden. Your tongue is a blunt weapon. You and Thor should talk. Oh, good God. I don't know. I like smart muses. I doubt Thor will talk as much as you do. So you're talking to a god.

Who is a character? Not really. I like it when you work out. Well, thank you. Why is that not an R&B song? I like it when you work out. I like it

when you work out. Wow, yeah. Girl, look at that body indeed. You're much more uncensored than when you're writing. You're so concerned about it being perfect and less worried about truth. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Working out is brainstorming, you know that. It's like meditation.

And I like writing fiction. I am very into fiction as the lie that tells the truth. Huh? working out is brainstorming you know that it's like meditation and i like writing fiction i'm very into fiction as the lie that tells the truth huh wow you are getting a whole lot of family feud noises i'm sorry. I'm sorry. Wonderful. Lies are fictions. Are lies the truth then? That is so you and so going into the book.

That was the stage direction sigh. Loki sighs. A sigh could be so many things. So what you're saying is that talking to me as a character is fine, but talking to me as a god is crazy? Because you are squirming a bit right now, my dear. I don't know if it's crazy, but I think gods probably have better things to do if they even exist. That's a good point.

You actually should have better things to do. Obviously not. I'm not certain they do in a concrete way. If it's some sort of Jungian archetypal manifestation. Oh, fuck you. I think Loki's probably retired by now. I'm so clever. So I'm a manifestation?

It sounds a little too much like infestation! Yeah. I'm sure the people who think you're the Norse Satan might feel that way. You don't think of me that way. Nah, I think of me that way. Nah, I hate one-dimensional characters.

Kumquat's looking at starting to sound like Homer. So this woman saw Donnie Darko and went, boy, she's got the life. That is an aspirational tale. I wish I had friends like that rabbit. God! God! That is an aspirational tale. I wish I had friends like that rabbit. God.

God. I'm a god, mortal. Okay, I hate one-dimensional gods. Is that better? It's a start. So let's talk about the things you won't put in this book, starting with the Loki's pride will remain by his side. What do you think that means?

I have a vivid imagination. Oh, dear. And a willing bridegroom. I am losing it. But you love me. Why shouldn't we be married? I don't think the gods get to marry mortals, and I don't think mortals get to marry figments of their imaginations.

Again, that's on the big board. That's so... Go look it up. I didn't look it up. We started arguing during writing. Don't run away from me, dammit. I got that a lot. I also ran pretty hard to the point where he told me

that there was not a place in my head that I could go where he hadn't been. I ran inside of my own head. It's cheaper than a gym. Finally, bad things happened to my cars. Yes, both. Even the new one. He sat down, folded his hands on his lap, looked me in the eye and said,

So, am I real enough yet? At this point, I was terrified that he'd burn my damn house down. So I said, Yes, now we're getting somewhere. Finally, come to bed and let's talk. The rest, I suppose, is history. Is it? The rest is mythology. I suppose, is history.

Is it? Is it really? Mythology. I'm so... Shouldn't I be taught in grade 9 classrooms? I'm so sorry to tell you this, but all is not completely perfect in the Loki godspouse community.

I know, you would assume that it would be placid and idyllic. Is he drinking again? No. So, there was some fallout after the Thor movie.

And Boots is going to bring you a little bit of it. So, this pole movement predates the Thor movie, then? Is that what you're saying? I'm saying, yes, it predates the Thor movie. Oh, my God. So make sense of that, if you will. I can't.

I just thought everybody, like me, thought Tom Hiddleston was so dreamy. You've really talked about that a lot in this podcast. What? I feel like you brought it up a lot of times. I mean, he is. I mean, he's my mind wife, but like, believing in Loki, that's bullshit. At least Tom Hiddleston's real, right? True. That's true.

He's a cuddler, too. If you would just do me a favor and write down a conversation between yourself and Tom Hiddleston, then... Oh, I already got some. I'll send you two. Alright, Boots, what you got there? Just visit his Tumblr. I've recently read

a number of people claiming to be one of Loki's godspouses. FAKERS! And heard a few even claim that if you wish to worship Loki, you must be his godspouse. Let me start by saying I'm glad to be a priestess with my patron being Loki. You do not have to be Loki's godspouse to be a Lokian. I would far sooner consider myself one of his children than one of his wives these fucking terms are yours you you created these terms you own these terms these terms

belong to you so to say you do not have to be one of loki's godspouse to be lokiyan godspouse and lokiyan are your fucking words we didn't do this to you. We didn't start talking to you about God's spouse. Yeah, but the media is... I would far sooner consider myself... Oh, sorry. And I wouldn't want it any different.

I pray no one is frightened away from being a Lokian because they think they have to wed Loki to be a Lokian. It is possible to have an intimate... Loki to be a Lokian. It is possible to have an intimate... They just want a quick fuck. Yeah. An intimate, close connection with Loki without being his

godspouse. Oh, you actually are saying that. Okay. I wouldn't be one to throw the term around much anyway in referring to any form of worship as the connotations for a godspouse sounds as if it is something sacred that takes many, many, many years to attain and may not be applicable to all the deities in the first place.

I myself feel a very deep, special connection between myself and Loki. Would I be so brash as to claim it is as if we are married? Would I be so brash as to claim it is as if we are married? No. It is a connection like I am one of his children, where he takes me under his wing and protects me and teaches me and cares for me. I would never call our connection a marriage, and I believe we both are both content with it being that way. Loki has been my patron for nine years now Ten come April I have consulted him on this And while I am not the voice of Loki

I would never claim to be You're listening to the voice of Loki On KXXM Up next Simply Red It's important to recognize that godspousery Is a very serious thing To claim it does not make sense

When claiming it with other certain deities Right that doesn't make sense What I said Loki being one of them You cannot get married to God But if you want to join the priesthood Or the nunnery that's not silly Jimmy Franks Wait wait wait priesthood or the nunnery. That's not silly. Hey, Boots.

Jimmy Franks. Wait, wait, wait. Yeah, I'm sorry. Come quick. Go ahead. Boots, I need to know more about you. Will you give me your vital stats? Yeah, I can give you my vital stats.

Blood type O. My real name is Gabriel AB. Wait, is that your blood type? No, it's not her blood type. No, it's not my blood type. No, it's not my blood type. Hey, this is my daughter. I'm an Aries. My Chinese zodiac is horse. My blood type is O negative.

Yeah! Yeah! She's got those funny kisses. You are so not a recipient! My religion is paganism. My religious sect slash denomination is many moons conclave tradition. We meet at the VFW Hall on Thursdays. Many moons conclave tradition.

Many moons conclave tradition. My brothers is one. My sisters is four. That's their names. I'm not a number. My pets is Dakota, Cocker Spaniel. Right. My marital status is dating.

The high IQ society test is 129 out of 150, which isn't a quotient. Check out this official document I got from the high IQ society test. My Binet Simon IQ test is 176 over 200. What the hell? I don't know, but if those are quotients, they're both under 100%, so there we go. My made-up smart person club number is 3 million.

Yeah, but I've been using the internet since 1995. Oh, well then. Oh, okay. Is there anything that gives you even more credibility than that? Yes, I've been playing online games since 2001. Oh, yay. Is there anything that gives you even more credibility than that? Yes, I've been playing online games since 2001. Oh, yay. Well, then. And how are you with Illustrator or Acrobat?

I don't know those. Oh, okay. That's all right. You've got some workable skills anyway. Like your blood type. I'm sorry. Going back to that. Yeah. Hey, guys. Going back to that. Yeah.

Hey, guys. This is Sariel. Hey, Sariel. Yeah. Hey. Yeah. While everyone's entitled to their own opinion, I'll be honest. I completely disagree with most of what you've said.

The only thing I do agree with, and would love to know where you've heard this kind of information, is that someone must be wed to Loki to be a Lokian. She literally said the opposite in the first paragraph, but okay. Literally, the opposite is what she said. Google Ron Paul. I just, I like, I would like to think that anyone with a lick of sense would see the fallacy in that for what it is. Sensible people who are married to Loki, but don't believe that. However, I find it pretty haughty for you to say what a god would and would not do, especially when it comes to Loki.

I mean, seriously, when has he ever followed conventional rules unless it suited his own purpose? Uh-huh. Huh? Yeah, I don't have an answer. Just, what? Why exactly would it not make sense to have this sacred bond with Loki? Rather curious seeing as I am one of his mortal wives.

No, it's not something that develops overnight, but neither does it require years to come to fruition. Every relationship is different whether you're discussing mortals or gods. No, it's not something that develops overnight, but neither does it require years to come to fruition. Every relationship is different whether you're discussing mortals or gods. Either way, it's an intensely personal relationship, and to discredit Loki as being unable slash unwilling to enter into this kind of commitment seems a grave injustice. Anyway, you should probably get back to work as a therapist. Sorry, I'm out. What? Oh, shit. probably get back to work as a therapist sorry you're out oh shit okay i had i had one more oh my god oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah okay uh i have not read much

so i'm gonna try to take the privilege of reading menage a loki myself if i may take the privilege of reading Minaj Aloki myself? If I may. Because sometimes I think I need a treat. Okay. Minaj Aloki. So, here we come to the part that probably guarantees I'll never link this to anyone who knows me in my daily life.

I have a mortal hubby. He's a non-believer in anything. What happened? What happened? What happened? I was already pagan when we started dating, but I was kind of agnostic-y sort of pagan. Not a hard theist by any stretch of the imagination. I've been that way for years,

so you can just imagine the flailing when Loki showed up. That's right. I promised you a menage a Loki, and now I'm just talking about my theistic beliefs. Come on, sit down, have some tea. Yes, I have had friends and other Lokians remind me that shaking up your worldview is his province and pleasure. So, Loki's proposal caught me unawares.

And though I was flustered, I said yes, because I love him. But, I also love my mortal hubby. He must feel good about all this. Mmm. Loki reassured me that he has no interest in messing with the relationship.

Yay! Which made me happy. He'll say anything. He doesn't really love you. He's playing you. Nobody in the history of humanity. Are you a Jenny Jones audience member right now? Yo, I want to say one thing to the lady.

You think she's married to Tom Hiddleston? Fuck you. You don't know me. I want to say you got to check yourself and make sure you have sex with your real life husband. That's for real. When you say that made you happy, never before in the history of humanity has anyone felt happy in precisely the same way that you were feeling happy here.

That's true. Yes, I am. I am forging new kinds of happy. However, and this is the catch. I'm sorry, there is a catch in this situation. And this is the catch. Mortal Hubby will not understand

the intensity of the relationship. Mortal Husband is the worst superhero. His only weakness is everything. You can fool him by having fake cheesecake that's actually yogurt in the fridge. This tastes different.

There's no cream cheese in this. He's no match for Loki. It's just every William H. Macy character. Loki's ass is in my wife's cock in the driveway. He reminded me that in Loka Sana, the woman that he lit into the worst adored him private. Hmm. Let me just try to read this in one go.

He reminded me that Locasana, the woman that he lit into the worst, adored him privately and wouldn't acknowledge him in public. Okay. It's in the Locasana, which I guess is a Loki book. Fair enough. Maybe. Who knows?

The only thing that I do have working in my favor is that is used to having fairly intense interest in my muses. I want to meet this dude. Mortal hubby. Bring him over. I want to meet this god husband. There's only one thing that I know for sure about Mortal Husband right now, and that's that he's super good at Mario Kart.

All right. So, if I'm writing about... He's the best at Mario Kart. Hey, you got another controller? No. Why would I need one? You can try to do a time trial against me, but you lose. So, if I'm writing about Loki, my interest in him is a given, and that gives me some time to get him used to the notion that I'm worshipping Loki in an intense sort of way.

With my rectum. He won't believe in it, but he's pretty tolerant of it. He's really tolerant of it. The last time I was in a coven, our circles were at my place. In the meantime, I ordered some art prints of Loki, and I'm going to put them up in the family wall of pictures that I keep next to my coven.

So that's my dead grandma. That's my cat. That's my cat. That's my cat. That's my cat. That's my cat. That's my cat. That's my cat. And that's Loki. Who that's my cat, that's my cat, that's my cat, that's my cat, that's my cat, that's my cat, and that's Loki! Who's also my cat. Also, this is M.H. Yeah, the sad one. It's the sad one.

He's upstairs playing Mario Kart right now. Oh, God. Anyway, that's going to be on the wall of pictures that I keep on my writing desk, as opposed to over an altar to signify that he's part of our family. That seemed to please him. I like that part when she said last time I was in a coven that the circles were at her place. And I just imagine like the husband treating like the, it, you know,

like I live with my girlfriend and it's, it's, it's tonight. The witch night is tonight. Witch night. Okay. Well, all right.

I'll make myself. You're going to want to make yourself scarce. Uh, I don't know if you've got stuff to do. Maybe you can hang out with the guys. Oh, I got some Mario card. I can play.

You're seeing this conversation while you're playing Mario Kart. When the pizza comes, send the delivery guy up to my room. Tell him the pulley is over to the right side of the house, and I'll just wheel him down the thing. Outdoor dumbwaiter is the best thing we've ever done The best thing we've ever done Besides our marriage, honey, obviously That was really great

The sanctity of marriage It's what we're fighting for in Congress, guys Slash it the fuck up, BB. Yeah, no, I was going to put Succubus Wives in there, and I was like, boy, I'm not going to fit all of this Loki Wives into an hour. There's no way. So we'll have to do Succubus Wives later.

Because there's... There's still auccubus Wives later Um Cause there's There's still a lot of Loki Wives too Is there like Is there shorter stuff or like Or is everybody tired I think we've got enough And I am tired I was gonna yell angrily about the female champion names

In League of Legends because Yeah I don't think... It's getting a bit too far off topic, though. Somebody... A Loki wife being off topic? What? Yeah, but this is just...

This is just a rant about League of Legends. A Loki wife ranting about League of Legends? Well, that would really please that one guy on Facebook who's really annoying Oh there's a little singularity Moment where Mere Bast here Is both a Loki

Wife and asexual How does that Even work Wait I'm sorry she's not a Loki Wife she's a servant of Bast So you know That's fun servant of Bast. So, you know, that's fun too, right? Bast was the cat god from

Egypt? I think that's right. That sounds right. Bast. I also need to look this up. Yep. Alright. Yeah, this person's is deedy romantic.

It's a cat goddess. Did anybody read Mirker's most recent entry? Saying she's sort of breaking up with Loki. But in that... I start my new semester of college Monday. I mean the phrase I am not saying Loki is the fry cook manager of the gods must...

That should be your reader intro. Yeah. Take it. Oh. Should we read it? I don't know that I actually have a stinger, so I think I want... Do the two paragraphs, turns out, and then to clarify.

Turns out Loki is a gateway god for me. Talk to your children about Loki. I learned it from watching you dream, Dad. A gateway god is a deity who leads you through a phase of life and into readiness for a new phase of life. for a new phase of life. Okay. Opposed to being a more permanent spiritual entity in your life.

Phase of life. Think of it like working as a fry cook at a fast food chain under one sort of manager and then leaving that job and starting a new one under a professional chef at a top restaurant.

Yeah. That's a good metaphor. Yeah. I stopped dating Loki and now I'm dating Gordon Ramsay, who is even more upset with me than Loki was. All right. He's even more upset with me than Loki was. All right, so after you take him out of the deep fryer,

you want to put him under this heat lamp, leave him there for about 20 minutes. Don't let him get in there too long, otherwise they get crispy. You're going to be doing this for a couple months, but after that, we're going to take you over to London and New York, set you up, be the sous chef over there. It'll be nice. I love this Hades kitchen show. Two out of five.

To clarify, I am not saying Loki is the fry cook manager of the gods. You are. That's what you were saying in your metaphor. Yep. I am saying that through a discussion with him and another deity,

that Loki helped me get through the first part of my life. Oh, she got broken up with. It was a mutual thing. We both agreed. We both agreed. It was just we're at a point in our lives. I'm at a point in my unending life where I need to move on.

He helped me get through the chaos. He helped me learn to manipulate and know the chaos. To expect the unexpected and unexpected the expected. Fuck you! That doesn't work.

She's dating the Cheser cat now. He taught me that mud slinging can lead to flower blooms. I guess if you leave the mud on your... I'm pretty sure that's the worst anal sex metaphor I've ever heard I need to wash that joke off me

Am I on the list because I heard that joke and I'm going to the internet now? Then I can check you there I've got a brand new dog

And if I let you there On to my brand new dog Then I

will slay you there For my brand new God. Brand new God. Brand new God. And there we go.

Round about an hour of sleep coming like a drug in God's pussy boots. Fuck you. Sorry. What did you learn this week? That's a tough question because I didn't understand a fucking thing that was going on. Well, that's not a first for F Plus standards. Well, no, no. But with all this material, there was a total inconsistency with how things work.

I couldn't understand if people thought this was real or if it was just happening in their dreams. I have no idea what it means to be low-key, and even though I was told about it eight times. Yeah, it's weird when people keep defining themselves, and it becomes more confusing each time. Yeah, yeah. It's just overwhelming, really. Yeah, because it seems like some people believe that uh you know like like this is something that happens in dreams some people think it's something that happens in real life but everyone agrees you know we're all part of the same clique and uh we stand united together yeah united and nonsense yeah i mean like most

internet communities i've met i've met friends that have been in really long-term poisonous relationships where it's difficult to talk to them sometimes because somebody bitches about their girlfriend, whatever, but then two years go down the road and it's like, it's still the same bitch. You're still doing this. And so it's weird when people are talking about their relationships that aren't real and they suck yeah like if you're gonna make up a relationship wouldn't it be you know like like morning blowjobs and nighttime whiskeys like wouldn't that be the relationship you'd make up for yourself um well that's the thing i guess like fantasy relationships uh you know are not with uh you know a good understanding reasonable human being there with edward cohen fair enough yeah and uh and loki uh our thanks to the many many people that made it possible we were actually reading out of

uh three different wives of loki documents uh all of which will be linked on the website, thefpl.us. So we want to give thanks to those people that submitted to us. Erminia Hart was one of them, and that's actually two people that share an identity, which is just a thing that happens. There's also Gaylord McHappenstance, another submitter, and another submission by Sherlockian, who gave us some other delightful material as well. Yeah, yeah, it's all wonderful. It's a very popular subject for some goddamn reason. Very popular subject. It all kind of came through at the same time.

Yeah, I don't know, something awful. Something awful, yeah. Yeah, but yeah, they went to thefpl.us, submitted that content, and you can too. Yeah, and you can also check out our forum, our online forum. It's Ballpit. That's B-A-L-L-P dot I-T. What can I see on Ballpit?

You can see Isfahan talking about guns and everything else on the face of the earth. You can see us talking about who we are fake married to in our dreams. Sounds like fun. What does it cost to participate? To read the forums, it's free. All you have to do is sign up. But to participate in the forums, it's a low-cost one-time fee of $10. Okay, I'm on there right now, and so are you.

Goodbye. Yay. Goodbye Yay She is perfect But she's not the perfect one for me. He stepped closer and brought a finger beneath my chin so that I could look him in the eyes. Yes, of course, there are things you need to work on. That does not mean that you're a bad wife or that I need someone else. You can't make those decisions and choices for me. Only I can do that.

Look, he's a little full of himself. You can do that often. Speak the feelings that I supposedly feel. When I feel a stark opposite to what you say, you should stop that since they're lies.

I don't know what I'm saying. You should stop that since they're lies. I don't know what I'm saying. A rare moment of self-awareness.